Today is exactly 183 days since May 15th -- Day One of my last full-blown period/visit from Aunt Flo. Meaning that I am just over the halfway mark to Day 365 -- at which point I will be able to say that I'm officially (FINALLY!!) in menopause.
Just getting to the halfway mark has been a looonnngggg time coming -- considering that today is also exactly two months away from my 58th (!!) birthday. Dr. Ob-gyn has assured me (time & time again) that while I may be at the far end of the spectrum in terms of menopausal age, I am ON the spectrum, and he hasn't seen anything at my annual checkups that concerns him.
That's comforting in one way, and frustrating in another. It's not that I'm looking forward to menopause, exactly (does anyone really "look forward" to menopause??). (Dr. Ob-gyn has teased me that I'm going to "stay young forever"... although the increasing number of grey hairs & lines on my face would suggest otherwise!) I've just had quite enough of Aunt Flo's visits (46 years & counting...!) -- and of feeling abnormal (again). My body didn't do what it was supposed to do in terms of getting (& keeping) me pregnant... and now, it's not doing what it's supposed to in terms of completely turning off that malfunctioning baby-making machine either.
It's time. I'm ready. (I think?)
I'm knocking wood extra loudly, though. I've had a bit of faint brownish/pinkish spotting and PMS-y symptoms (mild crampiness, bloating, mood swings, hot flashes & other fun stuff), particularly over the past week or so. I've noted these symptoms on my calendar (I do keep track of my cycles, still -- which is how I know it's day 183), but I'm not resetting the clock unless something more dramatic happens. Fingers crossed that it doesn't!!
(Even if it does -- I know I'm just that much closer to the day that I do cross that Day 365 mark for good. But still...!)
You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.
Knocking on wood for you!!! Seriously, this has been going on long enough for you. May your uterus behave.
ReplyDeleteHas it ever, though?? :p ;)
DeleteI have my fingers crossed for you. (Or I will after I finish typing this comment). I can tell you that from my late 40s, I looked forward to menopause. Especially when the dam burst and all hell broke loose. No-one really tells you that along with all the problems of menopause there is also great freedom and joy. (I've been meaning to write about this on my blog.) AF being gone forever is definitely something to celebrate. I hope you get to celebrate that in six months!
ReplyDeleteMenopause is another one of those subjects that doesn't get talked about enough, isn't it? I like to think that I'm breaking yet another taboo by writing about it, along with infertility, pregnancy loss, childlessness, etc. And giving other women some sense of what it's like and what to expect (even though everyone's experience is different). I would love to read a "joy of menopause" post from you!
DeleteOooh, fingers and toes crossed that this is it for you! There's something about having that part of your body end its reign that's freeing, even if it seems weird to look forward to menopause. I hear you! You should have a farewell party for Aunt Flo. No need to tell anyone why, but serve red velvet cake! Ha ha ha...
ReplyDeleteBahahaha!!
DeleteI am definitely planning to ceremonially dispose of my ratty old "period underwear," lol. ;) I do have lots of other nice underwear but I may buy another few pairs just to celebrate. ;)
I had always planned to buy some new WHITE sheets when AF finally left -- but my old stuff was so worn out & I was desperate (plus we were moving) so I finally caved & bought some new stuff 2-3 years ago (& have been sleeping on an old towel when AF visits).
Will be keeping fingers crossed that this is the end of AF! Here's hoping you get to celebrate in 6 more months.
ReplyDeleteHope your clock carries on counting off the days! At 49, I'm experiencing random cycles, which is no fun, but I hope that means I'm nearing the end. (Side note: It's jarring to think of my age these days. I don't feel like I should be 49! Or like I should be looking forward to menopause.)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you are writing about this. Crossing the crossables!
ReplyDeleteI have a strange relationship with menopause, I'm not sure how I feel about it really. On the one hand it will be good to be rid of the hassle, but when I thought it was happening about a year ago (I was 45 and had a huge gap between periods and felt hormonally homicidal and depressed) I kind of went into mourning; not about lost 'fertility' (never had that anyway!) but about ageing. I had a crisis about 'what am I?' - I could see how mothers fell into family matriarch / grandmother roles so easily, to cope with getting older: I, however, just couldn't see what my role was after menopause. I wouldn't be a granny, or an older mother; I had no career value through my mediocre job - I had a full-on crisis to be honest. Anyway that has passed for now; I realise my goal is to have as nice a life as possible, eliminating as much of the day-to-day stuff that I don't like as possible and enjoying my partner - I don't need that 'role'. It was just a bit of identity crisis, I think. Anyhow I'm definitely in peri-M and feeling a bit crap all the time so if that goes away eventually, hallelujah. Thanks for talking about this!
ReplyDelete(((Hugs))) Different Shores, I have gone through periods of feeling the same way (and still do, from time to time)... I'm almost 60 years old, I'm not a mother (and thus not a grandmother either), I don't have a job anymore, I'm not even living in the same place... so who am I now and what do I do with my life?? I know, first world problems... ;) but it's very real for those of us going through it, and the more of us who talk about it, the better, I think. :)
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