The invisible load

Gemma Hartley (who wrote the excellent book "Fed Up:  Emotional Labour, Women and the Way Forward" -- reviewed here) recently posted on her Substack ("No One Loves An Angry Woman") about a new book by Erica Djossa, "Releasing the Mother Load." 

Djossa posts on Instagram as "Momwell," where (among other things) she shares graphics outlining "The Invisible Load" that mothers carry -- e.g., "Bedtime Routine," "Handling Transitions." 

Looking at some of these graphics -- "Researcher of the Home," "Mealtime Routine," "Being the Creator of Fun, Magic and Memories," "The Keeper of Knowledge" -- all I could think was, hey, we non-moms do a lot of these same things too!  Yes, without the additional pressure of knowing small lives are depending on us and absorbing our example -- but some of these things (such as "deciding what to make," "preparing the grocery list," "shopping for food") need to be done whether or not we have kids. Others (e.g., "dealing with guilt and comparison," "worrying about finances and budget," "remembering all the things," "remembering where everything is," "implementing systems like calendars and reminders") are things we may still want or need to do because they make life easier and more pleasant for us and the people we love.  They're things that seem to fall to women to do, regardless of whether we're moms (and especially if we have a partner, and/or have other people depending on us, such as aging parents).  

The graphic Hartley used to illustrate her post was about "Back to School" -- "adjusting to a new routine," "buying and packing supplies," "remembering special days," "haircuts and first day of school photos," "drop off and pick up," and (this one really kills me) "grieving moments you will miss." (!) (Here's another one: "practicing separating" (!).  Like, how do you "practice separating" -- permanently??  :(  )  

I don't want to minimize the very real additional load that mothers carry -- but all I could think of was that every point on this list (and all the other similar lists on the Momwell IG account) is something that I never got to do/will never be able to do/will never be able to do with my child.  ALL of these are "moments I will miss/have missed."  

Yes, it's work, it's an additional load of stuff that mothers have to do, or feel obligated to do -- BUT, it's stuff you get to do with and FOR YOUR CHILD. 

And it's stuff that I will never get to do with and for mine.  

This, too, is an "invisible load" -- the "invisible load" of the bereaved mother and childless woman -- that parents never have to think about.