It was worth the wait.
As the subtitle says, this is a (very thorough!) examination of all aspects of reproductive care in America right now. Little and Long are childhood friends who both became journalists and have both experienced multiple losses at various stages of pregnancy. (Both have other children.) They know whereof they write, and their camaraderie lends a nice touch to the book. They also interviewed more than 100 other women who have lost pregnancies about their experiences, as well as many others who have expertise in the field. Just about every page of my e-book has a bookmark or passage highlighted (or both).
There have been other books written about various aspects of pregnancy loss. What makes this one special is the scope, how all-encompassing it is. It delves into all the many factors -- historical, political, legal, medical, cultural, etc. -- that contribute to making all types of reproductive loss such a painful experience, by marshalling facts, data, academic studies and personal stories. It spotlights best practices, innovative programs in place in some locations, and other ways to help destigmatize pregnancy loss and help those going through it cope with their grief. (There's even a "what not to say/say this instead" appendix at the end titled "Did You Seriously Just Say That To Me?"). It's all leavened with occasional dashes of wry humour.
The book also touches briefly on the experience of childlessness in chapter 13 ("The Stories We Tell")(yay!! -- although, curiously, without actually using the word "childless"?). Observes one interviewee, who tried to conceive for more than seven years, had a termination for medical reasons and then a miscarriage, and has decided not to continue trying for a biological child:
"If you're not willing to go into crippling debt, if you're not willing to put yourself through and explore every single opportunity no matter the physical and emotional cost -- if you stop before you scorch your life to the ground -- you just didn't want it badly enough... I held a dead baby in my arms. I've been through failed transfers. How much more am I going to put myself through? Even if it was all free, I don't know that I could do it."
Reading this book was both maddening -- and tremendously validating, at the same time (the final section in particular, which focuses on the lived experience of loss and how we make meaning out of it: the stories we tell, talismans/keepsakes, and mourning rituals). As the subtitle alludes, this is a book based in the specifically American experience of reproductive loss (including the impact of Roe v Wade and the Dobbs decision which overturned it, 50 years later) -- but there is undoubtedly plenty here that will resonate, no matter where you live. My loss was almost 27 years ago now, and I've read a lot on this subject, so a lot of this was familiar territory. Even so, I had a shock of recognition over one aspect of one woman's hospital story: it was very similar to my own, but in 27 years, I don't think I'd ever read or heard the same thing from another loss mom before!
This is an important, timely (long overdue!) book that needs to be read -- WIDELY. By women, by men, by people who have been through pregnancy loss (although it might be difficult, depending where you are in your grief journey) and those who haven't, by medical professionals and others supporting those experiencing loss -- and most certainly by policymakers and politicians who are making decisions that affect the lives of women and their families.
In other words, everyone should read this book. :)
Bravo and thank you, Rebecca Little and Colleen Long. An enthusiastic 5 stars
This was Book #9 read to date in 2025 (and Book #2 finished in March), bringing me to 20% of my 2025 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) on track to meet my goal. :) You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2025 tagged as "2025 books."
Oooh, I need to see if I can find that one. Isn't it wonderful to read a book, even after all these years, and suddenly feel seen, suddenly recognise something about your own experience that you've never seen articulated before? I had that with one of the stories in Otherhood. So glad you were validated here.
ReplyDelete