World Childless Week, Day Seven: Moving Forwards

The focus of Day Seven of  World Childless Week 2025 (as it usually is for the final day of WCW) is "Moving Forwards."  

From the website description: 

Have you seen glimmers of hope or changes in your mood that make you smile? Have you started to make new plans or found new ideas popping into your head? Are you starting to like and celebrate who you are, the life you have and the future that is waiting for you? 

Has the road forward become LESS OF A MOUNTAIN and MORE OF A RAMBLE?

*** *** ***  

The passage of time (almost -- gulp!! -- 25+ years!!) since I left fertility treatments, and looking back on certain milestones will often bring a shock of recognition of how things have changed, how far I've come and how differently I feel now than I did then. (One advantage of getting older is that fewer and fewer people ask and hint and prod you about pregnancy plans... although eventually, you start getting questions about how many grandchildren you have instead...!)

I think back to one particular incident, at Christmastime, a few years after we had thrown in the towel on infertility treatments, which showed me that perhaps I was further down the road of acceptance than I had realized.  I wrote about it here. 

Another measure of progress would be my increasing ability/willingness to enter a Baby Gap (or other baby/kids' clothing) store. (And, dare I say, to even enjoy it??)  Once, it was a source of pain, to be avoided. I eventually did get to the point where I could go in to buy a baby shower gift (even if was often just a gift card...!). These days, I love to go there (and other children's wear stores) to shop for our three great-niblings -- albeit the little girls' racks in particular still have the power to give me occasional pangs... 

There are probably other markers of progress that I've written about over the years, although I can't recall any other specific posts to share here with you right now. 

One thing I remember from our pregnancy loss support group days is that you never realized just how far you'd come down this road less travelled until someone new arrived, fresh and raw in their own grief. I still see that to some extent today, when I read social media posts and responses from younger women who are new to the stunning realization that they will not have the children they assumed they would have. 

My life today is very different from the life I once imagined I would be leading. I will never stop missing my daughter, and wondering about that other life I might have had, that once seemed within my grasp... 

But even so, all things considered? I have a pretty damn good life. I don't think it's better or worse than the life I might have led, if I'd had children.  It's just different. It's a good life, on its own merits.  And I'm not going to pretend otherwise, or apologize for it. I didn't get a "rainbow baby," but I think I've found rainbows in my life in other ways. The strong relationship I have with my husband, closer relationships we've forged with our nephews and now their children (closer than if we'd had our own kids & grandkids to focus on, I'm sure), early retirement, nice home, occasional travel, mornings that I get to sleep in, freedom and flexibility in other ways... I consider all these things and more the "silver linings" in the dark cloud of pregnancy loss, infertility, involuntary childlessness and grief that shadowed my life for so many years. I think I've earned them. 

Check out today's content on the WCW site, including community members' contributions, and five free, live webinars related to this subject. They will be recorded and the links will be posted later on the Day Seven page and WCW YouTube channel for anyone who cannot watch live.