Wednesday, September 16, 2009

News/blog article on living childfree after infertility (how did I miss this one?? )

Catching up on my blog reader tonight & stumbled onto a post from Lisa Belkin's Motherlode blog on the New York Times site last week: Life After Infertility Treatments Fail. It's actually a guest post by a woman named Shelagh Little, who is now living childfree after infertility.

But it's a post that I could have written. Honestly, I started reading & found myself nodding & muttering, "Oh my God, it's ME." It's a fabulous post. Go & read it.

Caveat: I've barely started reading the comments yet, but there are more than 350 of them. Read those at your own risk, lol.

ETA: I've only gotten through the first page of comments, & out of 25 comments there are at least half a dozen along the lines of "why don't you adopt?" (even though the author clearly stated "it is not for me"). Another more or less says she will darn will talk about her kids whenever & wherever she wants to. Beware...!!


  1. Yeah, if all the pro-adoption trolls would actually adopt themselves, those "millions of children" they love to refer to would magically all have families. :) Idiots.

    But wonderful article. I like the way she connected her personal story and emotions with bigger social phenomena, in a way that was meaningful for all of us. I really appreciated that.

  2. Great article. I stopped reading comments after the first page.
    I will never understand how some people can be so vitriolic about another person's experience.

  3. I was going Yes, Yes , Yes and Yes as I read the article. Some comments there are well just not appropriate. They are clearly written by those who know fully well they will never ever be in Shelagh's childfree shoe. Neither have they considered adoption for a minute, because if they did they would know the emotional / health complications that come with adopting from foster home. Missing the genetic link in closed adoptions. Or always having to worry if the child will grow to find themselves closer to birthmom rather than adopted mom in open adoptions. Clearly they are totally ignorant, so they cannot leave the decision on an individual.

  4. Thanks Loribeth for posting about the article. For my own well-being, I chose NOT to read the comments!

    It seems like the Julia Child movie has really stirred up a lot of conversation about involuntary childlessness. Perhaps it is the same people doing the talking, but I hope that more people are noticing.

  5. I have such a hard time reading news articles about infertility, even if they're great, due to all the inevitable ignorant comments that follow. :( As WaterBishop said: "I will never understand how some people can be so vitriolic about another person's experience."

  6. I am flabbergasted by the adoption comments. We're not talking about giving a meal to a homeless man - yes, these kids are starving, but does that mean they will be better off if they are moved to the United States and live for the next twenty years with me personally? Maybe, but how would a stranger know? And unlike giving a starving person a meal, adoption (even that nice charitable international adoption of the starving) costs in the five figures before you even get to START spending money. This of course goes back to her point - nobody knows a thing about IF who isn't there. Thank God for the first few commenters who had been looking for a way to respond appropriately to acquaintances ttc and were going to take her advice (which was awesome). And some of the things she captured SO WELL - looking for an experience that will replace the giant meaning that's derived from parenthood. SUCH a good article.

  7. Thanks gals. ~Shelagh Little