I am childless, hear me roar ; )

In the summer of 1972, I was 11 years old & spending a few weeks at my grandmother's in the States. It seemed like every other ad on TV was for a new and somewhat controversial movie about (gasp!) what was then called "the women's lib movement" -- called "Stand Up and Be Counted."

Unfortunately, I was too young to see this "adult" movie -- and I'm sorry that I was unable to find a video clip to share with you of that trailer.

"Stand Up and Be Counted" is largely forgotten today -- and probably with good reason. It only ranks 4.2 out of 10 on IMDb -- and the contemporary New York Times review said:

"As an examination of current revolution. "Stand Up and Be Counted" erratically skips between comedy and serious causes with somewhat less than impressive impact either way."

You don't often hear the movie's theme song these days either (and sometimes I think we need to hear it more than ever...) -- but for the young girls and women of my generation, it was an anthem, a clarion call to arms -- sung in a clear, determined voice by the Australian woman who co-wrote it, Helen Reddy.



I am woman, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore
And I know too much
to go back an' pretend
'cause I've heard it all before
And I've been down
there on the floor
No one's ever gonna keep me down again

CHORUS
Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman

You can bend but never break me
'cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
'cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul

CHORUS

I am woman watch me grow
See me standing toe to toe
As I spread my lovin' arms across the land
But I'm still an embryo
With a long long way to go
Until I make my brother understand

Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to I can face anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman

Oh, I am woman
I am invincible
I am strong
FADE
I am woman
I am invincible
I am strong
I am woman

*** *** ***

I've been singing "I am woman, hear me roar," in the shower and in my head a lot lately. Mind you, I am generally not the roaring type ; ) -- more like a purr, maybe, lol.

But, over the last few months, I've had this sense of increasing momentum -- that we, the childless/free women of the world, are (at long last) beginning to find our individual and collective voices, our tribe, and make our presence known.

Back in January, I asked the question, "So why aren't there more of us?" (blogging about life as childless/free women after infertility)  I posted my blogroll of childless/free bloggers... and since then, the list has continued to grow and grow (& needs an update!).

Here are a few things that have happened along the way:

• We experienced some upheaval in the ALI community, followed by Healing Salons where we explored the issues that had come to light. While the original controversy focused on how bloggers parenting after infertility were supported (or not) within the general community, several childless/free bloggers used the Healing Salons to give voice to our own concerns and feelings of marginalization -- even among the women who knew best what we had been through -- and ask "what about us?" These included Pamela -- always a highly articulate spokesperson for our segment of the community -- who hosted one of the salons on her Coming2Terms blog, and Mali, who blogs at A Separate Life and No Kidding in NZ. Thanks to their strong voices, I think that a greater awareness in the general ALI community was one of the most positive things that came out of this difficult situation.
• Shortly after the Healing Salons ended, Jjiraffe asked to profile me and my story as part of her "Faces of ALI" series -- only the third story she has featured to date. 
• Mali wrote a wonderful post arguing that we, the childless, may be the real infertility success stories, which I said (in a comment on Stirrup Queens) "has the ring of a manifesto about it." 
• Jody Day at Gateway Women actually did write what she calls "The Nomos (Non-Moms) Manifesto," asking "are childless women the new suffragettes?"  Sample statement: "We may not be Mothers but we’re here, we care, we count and we ROCK!" (Upon second reading, I see she also says, "We are the Nomos. Hear us ROAR!!" Which is probably what got me thinking about Helen Reddy's song and, ultimately, this post, lol -- thank you, Jody!)     
• During National Infertility Awareness Week, several bloggers, taking up the theme "Don't Ignore..." asked readers not to ignore those of us living childless/free after infertility, including Pamela & Lisa. 
• What's more -- to mark NIAW, The Huffington Post chose to feature -- not the stories of women who are now mothers after IVF, who adopted or who are still in treatement -- but  several fine posts (and not just one token) from our community of childless/free bloggers -- including Tracey, Nicole, Mali and Lisa. 
• Pamela's book, Silent Sorority, was quoted in an article in The Globe and Mail (known as "Canada's National Newspaper") which asked "Why are we so obsessed with pregnant celebrities?"
• Lisa at Life With Baby produced an inspirational one-hour webcast featuring interviews with three childless/free women addressing different aspects of their lives and how they got to this point. If you haven't already seen it, tune in!  
• And Pamela interviewed Dr. Marni Rosner about her recently published dissertation -- a groundbreaking study of women living without children after infertility. Even academia is starting to pay attention to us. : )  

As Dr. Rosner said on Pamela's blog: 

"I think, at this time, you, Lisa, and all the other bloggers and voices addressing this issue are in the process of forming what this means. We are what I would call "in the process" of developing the narrative for those living outside the pro-natal norm. We have the power to direct this a little, I think... the number of women, aged 40-44, without children has doubled to 20% since 1976 – this includes the voluntary childfree. That’s an enormous change in a relatively short time. So, again, we are in this moment contributing to and shaping the dialogue."

It's still early days -- but I sense a growing willingness among us to speak out -- to stand up and be counted. To say, "I am childless after infertility (and/or loss). I am a survivor.  And I have a good life -- even if it's not the life I originally wanted or planned." 

Hear us roar. : )