Words are flowing... pools of sorrow

I thought I was going to be all right today.

And then a coworker whose cubicle is near mine started showing off her adult daughter's ultrasound -- i.e., her expected grandchild -- to her team.

"That's my grandbaby," she said in (understandable) delight. "They said the baby was moving all over the place," she added, as a chorus of female "Awwww!"s went up -- and I -- who endured an ultrasound 13 years ago today that confirmed that my baby was going to be born silent & still -- couldn't help overhear.

She said the due date is Feb. 7th. My LMP date with Katie was Feb. 8th.

People from other areas of the department kept coming by on & off during the day to look & gush. Another coworker brought over one of HER relatives' ultrasounds for comparison. After awhile, things died down -- and then our department's senior executive dropped by, got shown the picture, gushed over it, and started talking about HER grandchild. I thought I was going to scream. Needless to say, I did NOT getting much work done, even though there was lots to do that had piled up while I was away the past two weeks.

Then I went to read the Stirrup Queen's Friday roundup (which actually wasn't a roundup this week, because of the BlogHer convention) -- and Angie at Still Life With Circles mentioned a wonderful comment that Esperanza had left her. The post was built around the Beatles song "Across the Universe," which I love.

Then I read Esperanza's beautiful comment, which mentioned the song "Somewhere Out There" from the movie "An American Tale." Dh & I saw & LOVED that movie & that song. Just thinking about the little brother & sister mice, looking out their respective windows, far away from each other, & singing to the moon in those sweet childish voices (not to mention the Linda Ronstadt & James Ingram version), would get me tearing up -- long before Katie.

Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight
Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there
And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star
And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky
Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true

Needless to say, it had the same effect on me today, if not moreso. I sat in my cubicle sobbing -- not loudly enough for anyone to hear me, but enough to ruin my makeup for the day.

I used to try to take at least one of these two days off (Aug. 5th or 7th) if they didn't fall on a weekend. Aug. 7th is a Sunday this year, so I thought I'd be OK working on the 5th. And sometimes I am. But today I wasn't, & I was wishing I had taken the time off, even if I am just back from vacation. Note for future reference. :p

As I told Msfitzita in a comment about a recent post, "When the going gets tough... the tough go shopping." ; ) I took a long lunch hour & treated myself to some new CDs & lipsticks. ; ) And then some fish & chips (greasy, but comforting). And a Starbucks tea latte later. ; ) Then dh & I went home where, finally, behind closed doors, we were able to hug, & I finished off my remaining mascara, thinking about that horrible homecoming from the hospital, 13 years earlier.

As usual, the Beatles said it best. Nothing's gonna change my world. Nothing can bring her back. Pools of sorrow... but also waves of joy.

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup,
They slither while they pass they slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my opened mind,
Possessing and caressing me.
Jai guru deva, om
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Nothing's gonna change my world.

Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes,
They call me on and on across the universe,
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box
They tumble blindly as they make their way
Across the universe
Jai guru deva, om,
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Nothing's gonna change my world.

Sounds of laughter shades of life are ringing
Through my opened ears inciting and inviting me
Limitless undying Love which shines around me like a
million suns, and calls me on and on
Across the universe
Jai guru deva, om,
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Nothing's gonna change my world.

Jai guru deva
Jai guru deva
Jai guru deva
Jai guru deva