Friday, September 13, 2013

My new heroine

I had no idea before yesterday who Aisha Tyler was. I STILL don't know who she is, other than that she is on the TV show "The Talk" (no idea what she did to merit that job).

And I don't really care. All I know is that she did something incredibly brave yesterday, speaking tearfully but openly -- on national television, in front of millions of viewers (and probably millions more since then via Internet replays) -- about her struggle with infertility and how she is coming to terms with the fact that, at 42, she is done with treatment and will never have a biological child.

My heart sank when she started speaking about trying to get pregnant and I saw the looks on the faces of her co-hosts. They were clearly expecting a pregnancy announcement, a stereotypical happy ending. I think they truly were stunned when they realized this was not the case -- quite the opposite, in fact.

I don't often cry over infertility these days, but she had me in tears, particularly when she started talking about what a great dad her husband would have been. I hear you, sister, I hear you.

Aisha Tyler, I salute you for your courage, your openness, and your willingness to say that it's OK to say "no more."

Others saluting Aisha Tyler:

Tracey Cleantis on Huffington Post
Barbara Collura on Huffington Post
The Not Mom 


  1. I love Aisha Tyler--she's a hilarious and raunchy comedienne and she does stand up comedy as well as other acting gigs (she played Ross's girlfriend on Friends for a while). I'm glad she's speaking openly about infertility with a story that doesn't have the traditional "happy ending."

  2. Oh , I love her. I loved her on Friends, and I've since seen her interviewed and loved her, and now having seen this (she made me tear up, and that doesn't happen that often these days) I love her even more.

    (I didn't know about "The Talk" either.)

  3. I get to come home for lunch...and usually tune in to the Talk from 1-1:30 before I go back. It touched my heart.

    I was upset when one host asked about adoption...and when the others got excited and thought a pregnancy announcement was coming.

    But, she played the childless part just perfectly.

  4. I was going to say that she was on Friends, but everyone beat me to it.

    I absolutely love her for stepping forward and telling her story. Especially talking about reaching her stopping point.

  5. I've loved her in everything I've seen her in, and now I love her more. It's nice to hear someone in the public eye being honest about the success rate of treatments.

    The adoption question bothered me too. But I loved Aisha's response to that question.

  6. I saw some infertility pages shared posts about her on Facebook, so I read comments and an article to see what she was talking about- since there was no transcript about what she said, I managed to get the context of what she said. And I'm glad that finally someone had spoken up about how it's not all rainbows, bunnies and flowers, and that sometimes life give one a different path than expected. I hope that her talk would be remembered when addressing infertility with folks, you know? :)

  7. I'm glad she did it despite all the difficulties in being open about it, and I love what Sharon Osbourne said.

  8. Ah, I hit the wrong button and deleted my comment. I just wanted to say that leaving that dream of a child behind (part you/part adored husband) is crushing. Clearly Aisha needs to grieve and sometimes people hold out that "well, if you really want to have children, there ARE other options out there" to get past that awkward feeling. But if her husband was dying, you wouldn't say, "well, if you really want to be married, you can just get married again." Grief is grief. She just had to say it loud because she had no happy surprise ending and she just had to get it off her chest. I know that feeling intimately. Adoption or surrogacy is a whole other process. In essence, she was just saying, hey guys, I'm hurting right now and I'm not ready to move forward with anything else. Good for her.

  9. Wow, this is amazing. Thank you so much for posting it. It's weird because I just finished writing a post about the lack of public acknowledgement of the unsuccessful infertility stories over 40. And then here is your post. If I still believed in signs, then I would consider this one of them! :)

    It is so good to see that this topic is gradually becoming more recognised. A big shoutout to Aisha for sharing her story on public television.

  10. I wrote my last comment before I had a chance to watch the video. Then I remembered I had headphones and could watch in private.

    I found myself crying. She is exactly where we are now. Exactly. And hearing her talk about her husband and how good a father he would be and how much she would love a little version of him running around, I feel the same way.

    It is heartbreaking. But I think she has now become my new heroine as well. I'm off to look her up! And to read the links you posted.

    Thank you for this