Until the next evening, when my dad called: "Why don't you change your flight & stay an extra week? You don't have anything else going on, do you?" He mentioned helping eat up the garden vegetables (bribery!! lol) & spending more time with the Little Princesses, who will only be around for part of our scheduled visit.
Awww, Dad....! Talk about mixed emotions.
I teared up while we were talking. He always wants us to stay longer than we do. ;) They don't have any grandkids' visits to look forward to. There's just my sister & me (and our partners). Dh & I generally get there twice a year, for a week or two at a time.
I also suspect (I know!!) part of the reason he wants us to stay longer is that he & my mother are finding it harder these days to keep up with everything that needs doing around the house & the yard... they could use our help.
Part of me feels guilty for not just saying "Of course!" It IS his 80th birthday, after all. Knock wood, there will be many more birthdays to come... but logically, I know there won't be as many as I would want...
It's true, we don't have anything going on here that we need to be back for during that extra week. (Obviously, we don't have any kids or their activities to worry about.) It's a lot easier to leave a condo for an extended period of time than it was to leave our house -- no lawn to mow, for one thing. BIL is close enough to pop by & empty the mailbox and check on our unit now & then.
I checked the fine print on our ticket advice: to change our flights would cost $50 per person per direction (= $100) -- plus any difference in the cost of the tickets themselves, of course.
BUT. On the flip side...
I'll admit that part of me was a little pissed off (NOW you tell me??).
I'll admit that part of me was a little pissed off (NOW you tell me??).
I always agonize over picking dates & flights and getting everything organized -- and I'm getting anxiety all over again, just thinking about going in & trying to change everything. The fear of screwing up looms large...!
Plus -- three weeks away is a pretty long time -- & we do have a life here & our own home to tend to.
Plus, it's not just three weeks away from here -- it's three weeks IN my aging parents' smallish house (with my sister & her partner also there for part of that time), in a small town (where I only lived briefly myself, 35 years ago) without a whole lot to do -- and with the added stress of a party to plan and carry out. Can we stay that long without everyone getting on each others' nerves?? (Let's just say it's happened before, and in shorter time frames...!)
Plus, it's not just three weeks away from here -- it's three weeks IN my aging parents' smallish house (with my sister & her partner also there for part of that time), in a small town (where I only lived briefly myself, 35 years ago) without a whole lot to do -- and with the added stress of a party to plan and carry out. Can we stay that long without everyone getting on each others' nerves?? (Let's just say it's happened before, and in shorter time frames...!)
There's the possibility that I (or both of us) might make another trip around (Canadian) Thanksgiving again. Last year, my sister & I went to see Paul McCartney; this year, she has two tickets to one of Elton John's farewell tour concerts, and one of them is mine if I want it. (And of course we will be going back in December for a week or more at Christmas.)
And next summer is my parents' 60th wedding anniversary (!), and possibly a family reunion to attend too. I said to dh that maybe we could plan to stay a bit longer then -- maybe make it a road trip again, like we did a few summers ago.
Guilt may yet win out ;) -- but right now, I'm leaning towards just sticking to the current agenda.
*** *** ***
One other guilt-related item: a Facebook friend recently posted a photo of her grandkids on social media recently with the caption, "The joys of being a grandmother."
I could not bring myself to "like" it.
That night, I had a dream/nightmare... I can't remember the whole thing or just what the issue was -- but in the dream, she was mad at me!! lol Even in my dreams, I feel guilty!!
Ahhh, guilt! The worst. (And it infiltrated your dreams!) A family visit lasting three weeks where you are not in a hotel for some of it so you can have time to unwind and get away seems really, really, really long. Like, Shining-inducing long. I wonder if you can placate the desire for more visit with another, shorter visit not that far in the future? We struggle with this too, because our parents (all but my mom) are all over the country and everyone wants us to visit regularly and that's just not possible. But like you said, time is fleeting, and you never know how much you have with the people you love. I do vote for you keeping the original agenda you worked so hard to lay out though, and making the most of the time you've planned.
ReplyDeleteI often feel guilty over how often and how long I should visit Ireland. If I use up all my annual leave on trips back there then I end up missing out on being able to go on holidays other places with my husband or enjoy where we live. And then of course there are always occasions to go back for: weddings, birthday parties etc etc but I just can't be there for everything. It's a constant struggle!
ReplyDeleteTime is not as much of an issue for us anymore, but yeah, when I was working, especially in the early years, when I only had 2 or 3 weeks of vacation a year, that's where it all went -- and then people wonder why we haven't travelled as much as we'd like?? I know some people who haven't been to their hometowns to see their families in years, but I can't do that. We've been there for every Christmas, and most of my dad's birthdays (which fall in July), but as you said, you can't be there for everything, much as you'd like. Plus then there's the cost factor. Flying within Canada is fairly expensive, because it's such a small market & there's really only two major airlines. In recent years, it's cost a minimum $1200 (Canadian dollars) a trip for the two of us, and often $1500-2000 at Christmastime. That really adds up over the years! It would probably be cheaper for us to fly to Florida or Las Vegas...!
Delete(That's round trip figures.)
DeleteTwo weeks seems like a nice long time for your to visit by the way. I would stick with your current arrangement and just try to visit again around Thanksgiving.
ReplyDeleteTraveling and planning trips makes me anxious too. Whatever you decide will be good! If you still haven't decided what to do, then you can remind yourself that you already made a thoughtful decision that you can trust.
ReplyDeleteDear Loribeth, I'm a bit late at commenting but I wanted to tell you that I know this guilt too... like Phoenix? I think that whatever you'll decide it will be the good decision :-)
ReplyDeleteI'm very late - missed this when I was away, but thankfully you directed me back to it in your latest post. (Hmmm - I wonder what else I missed out on?)
ReplyDeleteI think that rather than making long visits - which can be very stressful for all concerned - more frequent but shorter visits (less disruptive for both the visitors and the visited) is a good solution. It also gives them something to look forward to. I take it they don't travel to see you anymore?
I sympathise with the guilt too.
My dad has come (with my mother) exactly three times in 34 years. My mother used to come just about every year over her spring break, when she was working (in a school as a teacher's aide), but she retired in 2006 & (for a variety of reasons) has not been back here since fall 2008 (11 years). At 78 & 80, both with increasing mobility issues, I don't think they'll be travelling too far from home anymore. :(
Delete