#MicroblogMondays: Who will want my stuff? (Chapter 10,243)

Last year, I wrote a post about how my kind-hearted parents -- now in their early 80s -- had formed a friendship with an even more elderly relative (her mother was a first cousin to my dad's mother) -- a widow who had no children, who was not close to her stepchildren, and whose closest relatives -- two nieces -- lived some distance away (one in the U.S.) and hadn't seen their aunt in more than 20 years. (Even if they had wanted to come, COVID-19 restrictions would have made a trip almost impossible, until just recently.)  Before she died, earlier this spring at the age of 95, she persuaded my dad to act as a trustee for her affairs and executor of her will. 

In some ways, she was very organized. Her funeral was already planned and paid for, and she had even shown a neighbour the outfit she wanted to be buried in, right down to the jewelry (a necklace helpfully looped around the hanger of the blouse). 

Even so, my parents have been very busy these last few weeks, making trips back & forth into the city, trying to get her house and possessions in order. (My sister and her boyfriend have also been there, helping.)  The house was in the woman's late husband's name, and it will go to the stepkids, but the contents need to be sorted through and cleaned out before the house can be handed over (and presumably sold) -- and apparently she was something of a hoarder...!  

My mother took a cross-stitched picture off the wall, commemorating the couple's 25th wedding anniversary, and turned it over. To her surprise, there was an inscription on the back, indicating it had been made by my dad's aunt (my great-aunt/my grandmother's younger sister), who's been dead for nearly 20 years. She called my great-aunt's daughter (my dad's cousin, who is in her late 60s) to see if she knew anything about it. 

It turns out that Dad's cousin probably knew the old lady better than anyone else in our family (at least, those who are still alive...!) -- and yet, she had no idea the woman had passed away. (!)  She said the couple had been regular visitors to her parents' home, and she herself had served as the master of ceremonies at their 25th wedding anniversary party.  

Mom asked if she or her kids (a son and a daughter, both in their late 30s or early 40s, I think?) would like the cross-stitched wall hanging it as a keepsake. The cousin explained that she's in the process of trying to downsize and get rid of her own stuff, not add to it.  She didn't think her kids would be particularly interested, and added that neither of them has children to pass things like this along to. She has one younger brother, married but childless, and didn't think he'd want it either. 

I drew a couple of lessons from the things my mom has been telling me. (These are lessons that can apply to anyone, but especially those of us aging without children.)   

First, along with a will detailing what you want done with your personal things (as well as your money and property), and any instructions about what you'd like in the way of a funeral, there should probably be a list of people who should be notified in the event of your death (along with their contact information). Who would you like to have attend your funeral? Who do you think would want to attend, or at least know that you're gone?  Make sure the people closest to you know where you keep your will and other important documents (maybe give a copy to your chosen executor).  

Second, start paring down your stuff NOW, while you're still able to decide what you want to do with it. You won't miss most of it as much you think you might. (I had to get rid of a ton of stuff before we moved into our condo, and I have to say, I do not miss the vast majority of it, and I am rather relieved that we did at least some of that NOW, versus 20 years from now...! -- I could and should probably still pare it down further, but I thought I did pretty well for now, lol...!)  Don't burden someone else with the task after you're gone! It's one thing to have your children going through your things, but when you don't have children.... do you really want your nieces/nephews/distant cousins/total strangers riffling through all your personal stuff and deciding what to do with it? (Okay, maybe you do, or maybe you don't care... but it's worth some thought!) 

Third, lots of people these days are trying to get rid of lots of stuff. We all have too much of it. Not everyone will be interested in taking yours, even if it is a "family heirloom." (Try not to be upset or offended.)

Fourth, more and more people today don't have children. Even if you have children, they might not have children themselves. Increasingly, there are fewer and fewer family members to pass along your stuff to. (Years ago,  six siblings might have divided up Mom & Dad's stuff among themselves;  these days, there may be just one or two.) Don't count on anyone wanting it or valuing it in the same way that you do. 

Fifth, stuff is just that -- stuff. It's the people and memories connected to it that really matter. (At least that's what I keep trying to tell myself, lol...) 

Sixth, a suggestion. Take a photo of the item(s) -- and then let it go. (I've done that with some of my own stuff in recent years, and it did help me feel a bit better about getting rid of things.) 

There's probably more I could think of, but that's it for now...! (Do you have any thoughts to add?) 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.