Odds & ends for the weekend

• Medical update: I was back at the opthamologist's office (at a downtown Toronto hospital) yesterday (Thursday) morning. My eye looks good, my vision has improved. She told me I could stop all the prescription pills & eyedrops, and just continue with the over-the-counter drops four times a day, and return to my longtime optometrist to get my new prescription for glasses. YAY!!! 
• I promptly called my optometrist when I got home, and secured an appointment for mid-September. I will probably need new glasses, but that's okay. The pair I have now is 8 years old (my reading/computer glasses are even older!), so I'm probably due! 
• I learned about this eye issue back in late April, had my surgery on July 25th and have been recovering since then. In between, I got the results from the colonoscopy I had in late March, took a scary tumble down some stairs, and had gallbladder removal surgery. It's been a LONG spring/summer!  
• The continuing saga of Bloglovin: After about two and half weeks of uninterrupted bliss, it's "not available" AGAIN. The outage began on Wednesday (Aug. 23rd).
• The executive at the centre of the controversy over the termination of Canadian news anchor Lisa LaFlamme (which I wrote about here) is taking a leave of absence "to spend more time with his family." (Yeah, sure.) Buh-byeeeeeeee..... 
• Justine Froelker had a great TikTok video on her social media that I LOVED, about "back to school picture month." Her message: "It is okay that this month be hard.... I love my childless-not-by-choice life. And I love seeing the pictures of your kids... And it's hard."  Here's a link to it on Instagram.  
• A great opinion piece in the New York Times today: "Maternal Instinct Is a Myth That Men Created."  Author Chelsea Conaboy argues that the myth of “maternal instinct” has warped our understanding of parenthood. It's a long read, but very worthwhile. I was particularly struck by a couple of these passages: 
• "The notion that the selflessness and tenderness babies require is uniquely ingrained in the biology of women, ready to go at the flip of a switch, is a relatively modern — and pernicious — one. It was constructed over decades by men selling an image of what a mother should be, diverting our attention from what she actually is, and calling it science.

"It keeps us from talking about what it really means to become a parent, and it has emboldened policymakers in the United States, generation after generation, to refuse new parents, and especially mothers, the support they need."

• "Today, many proclaim that motherhood is neither duty nor destiny, that a woman is not left unfulfilled or incomplete without children. But even as I write those words, I doubt them. Do we, collectively, believe that? Maternal instinct is still frequently invoked in science writing, parenting advice and common conversation. And whether we call maternal instinct by its name or not, its influence is everywhere."

• "But the myth of maternal instinct is not as strong as it once was. More and more, narratives of perfect pregnancies and perfect mothers are being challenged, as more people share their less-than-glorious experiences of new parenthood and just how completely blindsided they were by it." (emphasis mine) 

• "Social media is full of posts from mothers sharing stories about the realities of motherhood, pregnancy, their postpartum bodies, their sense of themselves, or the anxiety and monotony of parenting — as well as accounts of pregnancy loss and infertility. Often, there is a disconnect between the frankness of the words and the flattering photograph above it, as if it’s OK to get real if you still look good, in natural light, while doing it. 

"Increasingly, though, there’s rawness in the images, too: stretch marks and C-section scars, tears and spit-up, an awkward feeding, a hand cupping the feet of a baby who arrived as a stillbirth." 

• Lyz Lenz recently tackled "The Joy of Being Alone" in her Substack newsletter (Men Yell At Me -- I'm a subscriber). She's divorced with two children, but so much of what she had to say rang true for me. Even if we have them, we should not -- cannot -- depend on husbands and children to fulfill us. We need to learn to enjoy our own company, be comfortable in our own skin, and do some things for ourselves. 
• A couple of sample quotes (but do go read the whole thing!)
• "I think it’s important to note that even if the system works for you, that doesn’t mean it’s a good system. That no one is owed marriage or children. And that our own company is good."
• "Women are taught that being alone is the worst thing that can happen to them... So much of our culture depicts young girls dreaming about their wedding. But every middle-aged woman I know dreams about living in a commune."
• "We all die alone. And having children so you have a guaranteed Thanksgiving table is a terrible reason to have kids. Children make their own choices. They grow older, they don’t always outlive their parents, they make their own lives and their own friends. And sometimes they reject their families. Loneliness isn’t solved by children."
• "...there are other options. Other ways of loving. Other ways of living and being." 
• "It shows how poorly we’ve built our society, that women saying, “Nah, I’m okay without kids or a spouse” can undermine it so completely.  It’s telling that anyone living a life outside of the binary inspires so much fear."
• "Even if your solution is not to entirely blow up your life, seeking and finding solitude is a gift. And not in the, you have to love yourself to find love kind of a way. But you just have to love yourself. I sometimes wonder if I could survive the loss or rejection of one of my children. It’s a selfish thought. But I think about it because I want to have a core self, something that can withstand loss and change. None of us is owed a relationship or marriage or the devotion of our children. I’m not advocating living in the woods alone. But I am advocating building yourself a community beyond the nuclear one."