Wednesday, March 22, 2023

A moment with LGN

Dh & I are both beat tonight.  We stayed with LGN at his grandparents' house for most of the day, while SIL accompanied BIL to a lengthy medical appointment that took up most of the day.  We've stayed with him plenty of times before, but never for that long.  

He was good as gold (as always!). He is currently trying to master the potty ;)  and he did have one "accident," but also used the potty successfully another time too. He was somewhat distressed by the accident (poor little guy...), but we gave him hugs & kisses and told him it was okay, just try to get to the potty in time the next time. And lavished him with praise when he did.  

He survived -- and so did we!  (lol)  His dad (Older Nephew) called dh later to thank us for staying with him today. Dh assured him that LGN is SO EASY to be with. (As I've often said -- where was this kid when I was a 15-year-old babysitter, trying to wrangle hellions??  lol)    

We'll be doing it all over again two weeks from now, when BIL has another lengthy appointment. And probably every two weeks or so for the foreseeable future, at least until LGN heads off to school (junior kindergarten/nursery school/pre-school) this fall. (Eeeek.) 

I know not every childless person who would like to be more involved in the lives of their niblings & great-niblings gets to do this. We are SO lucky.  

Today also just happened to be 25 years (I repeat: TWENTY. FIVE. YEARS) since the fateful day in March 1998 when I peed on a stick and watched, slack-jawed, as two bright blue lines immediately sprang into view.  I was too busy today to dwell on the significance of the date too much -- which is probably just as well... 

But for a few minutes late this morning, when dh had gone to McDonalds to pick up some lunch for all of us (including a Happy Meal for LGN), LGN snuggled up with me on the loveseat, watching TV. He normally gravitates more to dh than to me -- but for a few sweet minutes, it was just him and me. "What if?" I thought -- and just for a brief, fleeting moment, I allowed myself to pretend that the past 25 years were entirely different, and that this sweet, beautiful little boy was the grandson I know I will never have.  

It was lovely. 

It broke my heart.  

6 comments:

  1. Oh Loribeth, tears in my eyes. Yes, it was lovely. Yes, it was heartbreaking. And yes, for a fleeting moment, I am not surprised you allowed yourself to think "what if." Especially given the day. Sending hugs. But so happy you are able to have this special time with him.

    I'm also not surprised you are "beat" tonight. lol I'd be simply exhausted.

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    1. Yes, he's a very good little boy, very easy to take care of... but still, he's a little boy = tiring!! lol

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  2. I exhaled a very long, slow exhale after reading your last sentence. I could picture the moment. I could feel the moment. So lovely and heartbreaking at the same time. I'm sure you were exhausted, physically but also emotionally. <3

    I'm so glad you get quality time with LGN and get to have such a fun relationship with him. <3

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  3. That moment is everything. That you are even willing enough to Go There is a testament to all the intentional healing you have facilitated for yourself for 25 years. I'm so glad you get this time with LGN.

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  4. Oh Loribeth, sending a big squeezy hug for those last two lines. I'm glad you get this time with LGN. And I don't know how you couldn't wonder about an alternate timeline in that moment... So bittersweet. Sending you love!

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