Monday, July 8, 2013

And the biggest kids in the audience are...

I spent part of my anniversary weekend in a dark theatre... with a gazillion giggling kids and their parents. The previous weekend, BIL, SIL, dh & I were at FIL's and "Despicable Me" was on TV.

"You haven't seen it??" BIL & SIL gasped. (I think they saw it with their kids -- albeit both boys are now in their 20s...!!) And so we watched together, and howled with laughter.

So when we started discussing what movie we wanted to see this weekend past, both dh & I sheepishly admitted to a preference: "Despicable Me 2."  It didn't hit us until we were standing in line for tickets with hordes of excited children and their parents that this was opening weekend, & of course it would be busy on a Sunday afternoon. Oh well. 

This was not, by far, the first kiddie movie that we've seen, sans children in tow. When you hear people rave -- and justly so -- about movies like Toy Story (1, 2 & 3), Up, The Incredibles, why wouldn't you want to see them too? After all, many of us are still kids at heart ourselves. ; ) And why should parents have all the fun, just because they have a kid with them? 

And it WAS fun. In fact, I daresay that we probably had the most fun of anyone there. ; )

There was one slight "ouch" moment, where the little orphan girl flatly recites a Mother's Day poem and then talks about how funny she feels doing so, because she doesn't have a mother. (I can relate, kid... not my favourite holiday either...)

But the antics of the merry Minions -- the little scene-stealing creatures who do the bidding of the villain-turned-softhearted adoptive dad (there's one on the poster above)  -- more than made up for it. By the last 10 minutes of the movie, dh & I were reduced to clutching our stomachs in helpless fits of laughter while tears of hilarity rolled down our cheeks (and we were both still giggling hours later). Apparently the Minions are getting their own movie next, and we'll probably be in line on opening weekend for that one too. They are hilarious.

So I was amused to find this article from Entertainment Weekly (one of my absolute favourite magazines) in my Facebook feed tonight -- "Despicable Me 2: Would you go to see it in theatres solo?"  -- in which a single, childless woman talks about going to see family films by herself. (At least I have dh, who is probably even keener than I am about cartoons.)  This line in particular cracked me up -- probably because I felt pretty much the same way: 
Despicable Me,” I grumbled to the box office cashier, like I was a teenager asking for condoms from behind a 7-11 counter.


Nevertheless, the majority of respondents to the attached poll question "Do you mind going to kids movies alone and without a child in tow?" responded "Not at all."

How do you feel about going to a kiddie flick -- alone or with another adult?

Saturday, July 6, 2013

28

"So, do you have a blog post ready to go for our anniversary?"  dh asked me a few days ago. Ummm, actually, I didn't.

And then I saw that some kind soul had posted about our anniversary on LFCA  -- so I kind of felt obligated to come up with something, lol.

Year 28 (!) has been challenging for us -- particularly the last few months, dealing with job loss/extra-early unexpected retirement. We're slowly adjusting to the new reality -- dh to his new status as househusband, me to mine as solo commuter. We know we've survived far worse crises (& if you are a regular reader of this blog, you know what they are). We got through those, and we will get through this too.

I've been off work this past week. We've been checking out caterers & party rentals, pulling weeds & cleaning up the yard. There was a heavy rain last week that left a puddle of water in our basement & mildew on the baseboards :p  -- as a result, we got the eavestroughs cleaned, some landscaping done (sloping the ground away from the wall & planting grass) and may have to look into some new drywall. :p  Dh sometimes finds handyman stuff frustrating -- but as we worked in the yard, pruning and pulling weeds, he commented that "When you're out here working with me, I feel like I get so much more accomplished." We were both amazed by how much we got done in just a few hours.

I like the picture above of Pooh & Piglet, leaning into a blustery wind, but walking on together, hand in hand. There is a stained glass ornament that hangs on our bedroom mirror of Pooh & Piglet (not the picture above, but the same idea), inscribed "It didn't matter where they went as long as they went together." I can't think of a better way to sum up what these 28 years of marriage have meant to me.

Steak dinner tonight! : )

27 (2012)
26 (2011)
My wedding
25 years (2010)
24 years (2009)
23 years (2008)

Sunday, June 30, 2013

Bye-bye, Google Reader :(

Come tomorrow, I will be celebrating Canada Day -- but mourning the loss of my constant companion for the past 5+ years, my Google Reader.

I first heard about blog readers shortly after I started blogging... for awhile, Pamela Jeanne had a link to her blog reader on her blog, & I found a lot of great blogs through there. Then I started hearing about Google Reader, & I think I remember Mel singing its praises. I was getting tired of going down my list of bookmarks, clicking over to see if there was anything new to read, so I decided I'd try it. and very soon, I was hooked. It's been my constant companion, both at home & (sshh!!) at work ever since then. When I have a few spare minutes, when I first log on in the morning or when I'm eating lunch at my desk, I will click over to Google Reader & see what's new.

So I freaked out when I heard a few months ago that Google, in its infinite wisdom, would be discontinuing the Google Reader as of July 1st. I downloaded my subscriptions -- but then the hunt began to find an alternative. I looked into several.  Feedly sounded promising, and many bloggers were singing its praises -- but it only works on smartphones & with Firefox, neither of which I use. :p  I tried The Old Reader, which I'd also heard good things about, but I couldn't for the life of me transfer over my Google Reader subscriptions.

I wound up with Bloglovin. It's not perfect, but it will do. (I guess it will HAVE to do. ) 

What I like about it:
  • It works!! lol  I was able to transfer over my Google Reader subscriptions successfully.
  • It hides blogs that don't have anything new to read from the list. (You can opt to show them if you like. It's just neater & easier to see what there is to read.)
What I dislike/will miss about Google Reader:
  • On Google Reader, most blogs can be read in their entirety through the Reader -- you don't have to click over to read the rest of the post. On Bloglovin, you do.
  • It seems slower than Google Reader. I've noticed that I will have read a post on Google Reader that has yet to show up on Bloglovin.
  • Blogloving transferred over my individual blog subscriptions, but not the subject folders I had them sorted into. So I had to recategorize all my subscriptions. I'm talking over 500 blogs (albeit not all of them active)(not all ALI-related, either). :p
Farewell, Google Reader. It's been nice knowing you. Thanks for all the good reading.

Friday, June 28, 2013

Long weekend odds & ends

  • It's (finally) Friday.  It's a long weekend here (Canada Day, July 1st, a statutory holiday, is conveniently on a Monday this year), and I am off work for the rest of next week as well. I guess I could have saved the time for later or carry over to next year, since we will be off to see my mom & dad before long too... but I am glad I took the time. ; ) It was a stressful week at work, & I could use a break. 
  • I am also glad to have some time to spend with dh.  He is still adjusting to unemployment/early-than-expected retirement. He has been spending more time with his dad -- and he has been doing the housecleaning for me!  (And doing a good job of it, too.)(And no, I don't hire him out.) ; )  He's developed a taste for "Storage Wars" (!!)  Can you tell he's bored?
  • I also need to get organized.  About 10+ years ago, dh's cousins on his mom's side of the family decided we weren't seeing enough of each other any more, and so we began having an annual get-together/reunion at the end of summer (started off on the Labour Day weekend, but has gradually moved back into mid/late August). It started as a barbecue with everyone bringing something, but it was a pain to organize and there was always a ton of food left over.  These days, we all chip in & hire a caterer and the hosts just provide the setup, drinks & munchies. All the cousins have taken turns hosting to date...except.... guess who??   
  • I have 7 weeks to get ready. (And we will be away for two of them.)
  • I have been dreading this for 10 years, knowing that some day, it would be our turn.  Well, the day is at hand. I wish I were a natural entertainer, but I'm not. Once people are here, I enjoy myself -- but the planning & prep are nervewracking. I get anxious just having a few people over for coffee, never mind 40-odd people for dinner (even if it IS catered).  
  • Part of my anxiety is about the house & yard. There are a gazillion things that need doing to make the place presentable before entertaining anyone, let alone the in-laws. There's also the nagging (albeit totally self-inflicted) feeling that, being a mangiacake (non-Italian -- the lone one in the family) & also the lone childless adult woman, I'm already enough of an oddity -- so I'd better be a top-notch hostess, show off an immaculate and well-kept home, and throw a damned good party to make up for my shortcomings.
  • Besides getting some of the house & yard work done or organized while I'm off next week, I want to investigate caterers -- and canopy/tent rentals. We have a nice big backyard, thankfully, but it gets quite hot & sunny in the afternoon -- and should it start to rain (which it never has for this occasion -- knock wood...!!), the house is too small and not adequately configured to accommodate 40+ people for dinner.   
  • On a more positive note:  it's a long weekend. It's Canada Day. I am so very, very grateful that I was born and get to live in such an awesome country. : )
  • I had the bright idea to head up to the Toronto Eaton Centre at lunchtime today. They hae a Hallmark store & I had some cards to buy.  But it was Friday. Lunchtime. At the Toronto Eaton Centre, the busiest and most famous mall in Toronto -- make that all of Canada. Before a LONG weekend (not to mention it's Pride weekend here too). On the last day (or day after the last day) of school for most of the kids in this province. With tourists flooding into the city. And rain pouring outside (meaning that everyone wants to be inside instead). What on earth was I thinking??  :p   ; )

Friday, June 21, 2013

Right Where I Am: 14 years, 10 months, 15 days

I recently ran into a woman I know from another department at work, at the coffee shop in our building. She asked about my summer plans, and I asked about hers. "How old is your little girl now?" I asked, remembering the bright-eyed toddler I saw with her in the elevator some years ago. I figured she must be -- what? 10 years old now?

"Fourteen," the mother replied wearily, adding flatly, "She was MUCH cuter when she was four."

I had to pick my jaw up from the floor -- not only the fact that her daughter was really 14 (!!) -- but also that she was the same age that MY daughter would be right now. How had I forgotten that? Or did I just block that part out? 

It will soon be 15 years since I held that wee white bundle in my arms, kissed the tip of my finger, pressed it to her cold, red forehead and whispered goodbye.  She would have turned 15 in November. She would be in high school now, Grade 10 (gulp) this fall. No doubt (as my colleague wearily alluded) she would be driving her father & I crazy right now. (Dh, of course, insists that she'd be perfect.)(Not only perfect -- in his mind, she's a genius and already attending university. Sure, honey, whatever you say... ) ; )

It's a daunting prospect. I have to admit, I am having a harder time envisioning her these days, what she'd be like. Maybe I don't WANT to think about it, lol.

Grief is my constant companion, but far less intrusive  these days. It rises to the surface now & then -- certain dates, a sad TV show, some visits to the cemetery (but not others). When my 7-months-pregnant coworker lost her baby earlier this spring, it was like a sucker-punch to the gut.

Grief these days is a thin veil of sadness, of world-weariness, that envelops my experience. Most days, the veil is gossamer thin, but there are still times when it wraps itself around me so thickly I find it hard to breathe.  I wonder sometimes if it's grief, or age, or a bit of both that I'm dealing with these days? Sometimes it's hard to separate the two. After all, grief comes to all of us, eventually -- if not the loss of a child, the loss of a parent or grandparent or someone else we love, the end of an era, the loss of a dream. Some of us become acquainted with grief sooner rather than later. The longer we live, the more intimately acquainted with it we become. And each loss, each brush with grief, forever alters the lens through which we see the world.

There are many days when I still feel like I'm 20. But there are also days -- more & more of them, lately -- when I feel every bit of my 52 years -- physically, mentally, emotionally. (Even though Aunt Flo continues to visit me with maddening regularity.)

I am surrounded by reminders that I am no longer 20 -- that the fertility boat has long since sailed without me. One of my high school classmates became a grandmother last year, and celebrated her daughter's wedding in Mexico this spring. Another high school classmate's daughter is getting married next month. Another, who got married the same year I did and whose two daughters are now in university, recently announced her forthcoming divorce, after 27 years of marriage. Another lost her mother a few months ago.

We have four summer students this year, on top of the many 20 & 30-somethings in my office.  One coworker got married last year, got a puppy & just bought a house. I am waiting for the pregnancy announcement any day now. :p  Two are bridesmaids in friends' weddings, so I get to hear endless discussions about dress shopping and bachelorette party planning. One new dad is leaving soon on six months paternal leave;  another dad is expecting his second child any day now.

As I write this, in a cubicle near mine, there is a group of young coworkers gathered around the computer, oohing & ahhhing over photos of one girl's best friend's brand new baby. Grandma Coworker -- closer to my age than theirs, but a mother & grandmother -- is reminiscing about what it was like when her own daughter was born, and advising what kind of present to take to the hospital. The younger girls are giggling and sighing in awe and anticipation of the day when they too will become mothers. When, not if.  And who am I to rain on their parade?

I sit quietly in my cubicle. I do not cry -- but I wince.

I have a good life today, despite stillbirth and infertility. But that doesn't mean I have forgotten, or wonder about the life I might have had. I still sometimes wistfully glance down the road not taken.

The words of a lovely old Gershwin song, as sung by the immortal Ella Fitzgerald, echo in my head (especially the first two and last three lines):

They’re writing songs of love - but not for me
A lucky star’s above - but not for me
With love to lead the way
I’ve found more clouds of gray
Than any Russian play could guarantee

I was a fool to fall - and get that way
Hi ho alas and also lackaday
Although I can’t dismiss
The memory of his kiss
I guess he’s not for me




Right Where I Am 2012
Right Where I Am 2011

For more "Right Where I Am" posts, about what grief looks like with the passage of time, visit Angie's blog.  

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Recent reading: Plutocrats/The Great Gatsby

I didn't consciously plan to follow up reading "Plutocrats" by Chrystia Freeland with "The Great Gatsby" by F. Scott Fitzgerald -- but I finished "Plutocrats" not long before the new movie version of "The Great Gatsby" was released -- and I wanted to read Gatsby The Book before I saw Gatsby The Movie.  And the two books turned out to be remarkably complementary.

I enjoy Freeland's regular columns for The Globe & Mail, and her appearance late last year on Bill Moyers' PBS show, so I thought I would tackle "Plutocrats," an award-winning and critically lauded look at not just the 1% but the top 0.1% of the 1% -- the richest of the rich, how they got that way, and what their growing power means for the rest of us.

It's a much more readable book than you might think, full of entertaining anecdotes, and fairly well balanced. Freeland says most of the plutocrats she studied & spoke to for this book genuinely believe they are the authors of their own good fortune, through their smarts, hard work and willingness to take risks (with the corollory belief that we too could be rich if we were willing to put in the same sort of effort).  However, she details the confluence of other factors responsible for their collective rise, including globalization, deregulation, the rise of technology -- and the sheer good luck of being in the right place with the right qualifications at the right time.  She also points to similar eras in history -- 14th century Venice, for example, and what happened when the wealthy gained too much power -- as a warning. 

Says the National Post: "This is the book that 100% of the 99% should read, if they want to better know the forces battering them into eternal penury."

*** *** ***

"The rich are very different from you and me," F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote in one of his short stories, and wealth and its corrosive power is one of the themes of "The Great Gatsby."  I had never read "Gatsby," or any of Fitzgerald's novels, for that matter -- although I certainly knew about both (and had seen the 1974 version of the movie). It's a slim book, didn't take very long to read, but beautifully written, although in a style that we don't often see any more. (Sample memorable line: “In his blue gardens men and girls came and went like moths among the whisperings and the champagne and the stars.”)

And I found the themes and specific subject matter are still amazingly relevant to our times -- conspicuous consumption, self-reinvention, the corrupting influence of money, a culture of entitlement -- not to mention the relentless pursuit of a dream (something that many ALI-ers will relate to).  The book was written and is set in the New York City/Long Island area in the 1920s, pre-Crash & Great Depression.   

Dh (until his recent termination) & I have both worked on Bay Street -- the Wall Street of Canada -- for more than 25 years. (Dh spent about 10 years of that time on the floor of the Toronto Stock Exchange, before it closed and trading was almost completely automated -- including Black Monday, October 19, 1987, when markets crashed around the world.)  And while the vast majority of people who work on Bay Street (and I imagine Wall Street too) are like us and make a good but not spectacular living, we've both had plenty of opportunities to observe the movers & shakers who make the big bucks, who drive expensive sportscars and live in big houses and spend weekends at their "cottages" in Muskoka (with boathouses that could easily and comfortably accommodate an entire family), or their ski chalets or Florida condos in the winter, and send their kids to expensive private schools. They make the decisions and give the orders -- and then move on to the next thing on their agenda, leaving the rest of us to scurry around in their wake and produce results as best we can. When I read Fitzgerald's description of Tom and Daisy as "careless people [who] smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made” -- I knew in my bones what he meant.

*** *** ***

So I managed to finish Gatsby The Book just before Gatsby The Movie was released, just before Voldemort Day... and since I had nothing better to do that day and was looking for a place to hide out from all the hoopla, it was my movie of choice for the afternoon.

I dimly remember seeing the 1974 version of "The Great Gatsby," which starred Mia Farrow as Daisy & Robert Redford -- the hottest thing in movies at the time -- as Gatsby. I don't remember a whole lot about it, except that I saw it at the drive in with my mom & sister (I was 13 at the time). To be honest, the thing I remember most was not so much Redford (even though I was -- & still am -- a big fan) but a young Sam Waterston's quiet, dark charisma as Nick Carraway. (We saw "The Way We Were" around the same time, and THAT made much more of an impression.) 

Leonard DiCaprio is no Robert Redford... I am not a particularly big fan of his overall -- but he has turned in some impressive performances (my favourite probably being the immortal Jack "I'm king of the world!" Dawson in "Titanic") -- and, overall, he was a pretty good Gatsby. It was a little jarring to hear the words "old sport" coming out of his mouth (although I'm not sure there are very many actors these days who could mouth those words & make them sound natural), but his obsession with Daisy and his teenage-like angst over meeting her again was believable.

Tobey Maguire was a wide-eyed Nick, and I liked Carey Mulligan as Daisy -- but the one I really had my eyes riveted on was an Australian actress, Elizabeth Debicki, as pro golfer Jordan Baker, in only her second film. I thought she stole every scene she was in, and I hope we see more of her in the future.

Coincidentally, I read Mel's post about disliking 3-D movies just as we were heading out ...to see the movie in regular format, we would have had to drive two towns down the road and gone to either a 10:45 a.m. showing (popcorn at 10:45 a.m.??) or 3 p.m., which was a little later than we like to go to the movies on Sunday afternoon. On the other hand, the cineplex at the local mall was showing the 3-D version much earlier in the afternoon, so we decided to cough up the extra $3 each (!) & go there.

This was my very first 3-D movie.  Several of the commenters on Mel's post warned of headaches, & I did have a slight headache afterward. :p  There were a few cool things I noticed, like how the words that Nick wrote floated onto the screen, and how the credits hung midair. But I wasn't totally blown away, and I'm not really sure that 3-D added that much to the overall experience. I'd actually like to see the "flat" regular version for comparison. I think that some of the overall "look" of the movie probably had more to do with Baz Luhrmann's over the top style and it would probably look pretty flashy & colourful no matter how you viewed it.  Maybe 3-D is better suited to action or fantasy movies like "Avatar" or "Life of Pi." Whether it's worth the extra $3 a ticket is another matter. I'd say movies at the theatre are probably expensive enough these days without adding another $6 per couple to the expense. I suppose some parents feel obligated/nagged to take their kids to the 3-D versions of some movies, but being free to choose a regular 2-D movie is one of those perks of non-parenthood I am happy to claim.  :)

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Father's Day odds & ends

  • It's Father's Day... not quite as much hyped as Voldemort Day, a month earlier, but still an "ouch" moment for dh & his kindred bereaved dads.
  • We visited Kate at the cemetery yesterday, and then went to FIL's last night.
  • Given his choice of how to spend the day, dh & I went to see "Man of Steel," the new Superman movie. I thought the violence & destruction went on (& on... & on... & on...) way, way too long. On the bright side, however, Henry Cavill fills out the suit quite nicely. ; ) (Even dh thought so, lol.)
  • It is, in part, a story about adoption & a boy's search for identity & belonging -- and it was this aspect of the movie that probably touched me the most.  Sent as a baby by his doomed parents from a dying planet, Kal-El crash-lands in the field of a Kansas farm couple, who raise him. When Dad (Kevin Costner) fiercely tells young Kal-El/Clark, "You ARE my son," I got tears in my eyes.  
  • Last year at about this time, I was in the throes of rediscovering one of the power pop bands I'd loved as a teenager, The Raspberries. Right now, I'm having fun rediscovering yet another band from the soundtrack of my childhood, the Rascals. At the behest of their biggest fan, Steve van Zandt (of Bruce Springsteen's band & The Sopranos TV show), the four original band members recently reunited on Broadway for a combination concert/multimedia production called "Once Upon a Dream." It's coming to Toronto in August for 10 shows, & I got tickets this week for me & dh. : )   From the reviews I've read, the music ("Groovin," "Good Loving,""How Can I Be Sure," People Got to Be Free," etc. etc.) still holds up (& these guys are pushing 70). 
  • Why the Rascals? As I've mentioned before, "The Best of Herman's Hermits Vol. 2" was the first album I ever owned -- a present for my 6th birthday. Not too far behind, however, my sister & I received "Groovin" by the Young Rascals (as they were called then) as a gift, either from my grandparents (!) or (perhaps more likely) my uncle. I know the well-worn album is still somewhere in the depths of my parents' basement;  until I can dig it out again, I've been listening to the audio tracks that some kind soul uploaded to YouTube, as well as exploring other songs and video performances -- and having a blast doing so. ; )  Even though I haven't heard some of the songs in at least 30 years, I find I can still sing along. There truly is no music like the stuff you grew up with, is there?
  • I will leave you with one of my favourite songs from the album (as sung on what seems to be the Ed Sullivan Show):