Questions about power, influence and authority

I recently became a paid subscriber to Culture Study, Anne Helen Petersen's Substack newsletter, after enjoying it for free for the past year or so.  Petersen is childfree by choice, and writes sympathetically about both motherhood/parenting issues and choosing a life without children (among many other subjects). To date, she hasn't had much to say about those of us who are childless-not-by-choice -- I would love to see her in a conversation with Jody Day of Gateway Women ! But essays like "Your Own Harriet" -- which I absolutely loved -- are relevant to all of us without children, no matter how we got here.   

Petersen is fascinated by the world of social media influencers -- "momfluencers" in particular -- and has devoted several recent newsletters to the topic. As she explained in a post last October ("The Ideological Battlefield of the "Mamasphere"): 

I’m not a mom but I like to know what the moms are up to. You should too, regardless of your identity, because “the moms” — meaning, the moms embodying and directing ideals of femininity and domesticity and parenting — have a lot of power, and power demands attention.

She's introduced me to two others who think and write extensively on these topics, and I now follow their newsletters as well:  Meg Conley of Homeculture (who wrote movingly about miscarriage last  year), and Kathryn Jezer-Morton of Mothers Under the Influence, who is actually doing a PhD on the subject (!) at Concordia University in Montreal. 

I had interesting reads in my inbox today from both Petersen and Conley. First, Petersen interviewed Conley (again), this time about "The Edenic Allure of Ballerinafarm." I'd never heard of Ballerinafarm before:  it's a working farm in Utah, as well as an Instagram account/brand, run by a ballerina/beauty pageant queen turned mom (of SIX children, soon to be seven)/homemaker/farmer. Explains Petersen: 

The Neelemans currently sell Ballerinafarm beef and pork, along with a cornucopia of Ballerinafarm-branded merch. But the real product is the lifestyle: pastoral, filled with beautiful moppy-haired children and their graceful, angel-faced mother. There is a lot going on here! And I am grateful that Meg agreed to unpack some of it with me, using a set of analytical tools and frameworks you don’t often see in influencer commentary.

Then I got a newsletter from Conley herself.  Last month, she wrote a lengthy, detailed piece about the influential Magnolia Network, and how her friend Aubry's life has been upended for the past two years by a home makeover (for Magnolia's Home Work TV show) gone very wrong. In this update, she writes about the fallout from the first article -- how she was tagged in a response from the program's hosts (the Merediths), which led to a flood of outraged DMs from their followers. I found this passage particularly interesting (and you'll understand why when you read it): 

...The reactions I got in its aftermath did not surprise me. The rancor I saw in response to Aubry’s story did kind of surprise me. Aubry is a single woman without children. She’s chosen her life and it’s a good one. Aubry is very, very upbeat. Meredith Blake called her IG account "relentlessly cheerful." Which made me laugh. Because...that's accurate! But in a lot of the commentary I saw, she was characterized as shrill, greedy and jealous. This was not how other married with children clients were characterized when they came forward with similar stories about the Merediths.

One homeowner is the mother of five children. While I saw Andy and Candis’s followers push back against her story, they still granted her the authority to tell it. In their online commentary, many framed it as a difference of perception, a simple misunderstanding or a shame that her experience didn’t work out. Her children and marriage somehow gave her the rights to make claims about what happened in and to her home. The Meredith’s reinforced this authority in their video by acknowledging her claims even while denying they were truly at fault.

In their video, the Merediths singled Aubry out as the person whose authority they were most eager to undermine. They did this with images and videos of her inside of her home. They repeatedly referenced their own children. For those looking for it, this created a story of a A Mother with Children Done Wrong by a Woman Without Children. This reinforced the narrative I saw spawning across the internet around the Merediths. The one that said, A single, childless woman lacks authority to correctly witness and relay what happens in her own home.

Well. F*** that, you know?

There's a lot more -- but this is all absolutely fascinating stuff.  It's all worth a read and worth pondering. 

#MicroblogMondays: Small pleasures & annoying things

Small pleasures: 

• Stumbling onto reruns of "That Girl," one of my favourite TV shows from childhood (and groundbreaking for its day -- one of the very first shows -- even before "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" -- to feature a young single woman living by herself and trying to forge an acting career in New York City). 
• Taking delivery of some pretty new sweaters that I ordered online, on sale. They fit -- AND the colours are PERFECT on me!! (Now to be able to WEAR them somewhere...!) 
• Watching the figure skating team events at the Olympics (even if Canada wound up in 4th, after winning gold last time around). 
• Watching our Canadian women's champion, Madeline Schizas, age 18 and under extreme pressure, absolutely killing it in both the women's short & long segments of the team competition (skating well enough in the short program to pull Canada into the finals, after the qualifying rounds). I was nervous about her prospects, but I think she has a great future ahead of her! 

Annoying things: 

• When the same ads keep repeating over and over and OVER again on TV (even before the Olympics started...!). 
• When the ad music is especially annoying but earworm-ish and you can't help but have it playing in your head over & over again. 
• Discovering that the bottom sheet on our bed has shredded -- the second set of sheets ruined in recent years. (They weren't cheap, either!) Luckily I had a spare set!  
• In my email inbox:  
• Marketing email from national department store, titled "Something for you + your mini me" (a matching set of mother/baby slippers). 
• And then, just a few minutes later: a New York Times newsletter, with the header, "Rihanna and the Art of the Pregnancy Portrait Shoot."  I mean, seriously??!
• Zits on my chin and under my nose. You'd think I was 16 instead of 61...! 
• The book I'm reading right now is taking more time to get through than I had anticipated. 
• Not being able to think of anything more original for a #MicroblogMondays post. 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

"Misfits" by Michaela Coel

The February pick for my online Gateway Women/NoMo book club is "Misfits: A Personal Manifesto" by Michaela Coel -- a British poet, actress, screenwriter and producer/director, whose work includes the TV series "Chewing Gum" and "I May Destroy You."  I had never heard of her, but when I Googled her, I learned that "Chewing Gum" is available via the CBC Gem online streaming service, and that "I May Destroy You" has been shown on HBO and won her an Emmy for outstanding writing. (She was the first black woman to claim that prize.) We don't get HBO in Canada, but apparently the show is available via the Crave streaming service (which we don't subscribe to). 

I will admit I feel a bit guilty counting this as a book read. It's not even 100 pages long (well spaced, with large pullout quotes sprinkled liberally throughout), and took me about an hour to read. I did, however, pay the same price for it as I would for other, much longer books (which seems somewhat ridiculous -- and I bought an e-version on Kobo, which was half the price of the hardcover -- the paperback won't be available until this fall) -- so I will justify myself that way. ;)  The "book" is, in fact, a lecture she delivered in Edinburgh in 2018 before 4,000 people, with an introduction and epilogue added, explaining how she came to deliver the lecture and what happened afterwards.   

It did not begin especially auspiciously for me: Coel almost immediately launches into a story about her hatred of moths -- an image that she repeats throughout the book, both in words and graphics used to divide the sections of the book.  I shuddered as I remembered the "miller" moths that used to flit around my grandmother's old house, out on the screened-in porch and inside, around the lamps in the bedroom my sister and I shared. I could NOT go to sleep until every single moth had been hunted down, killed and disposed of (by my mother or grandfather -- certainly not by me!), and I still fly into a fit if one happens to get into our condo when the screen door is open. I will admit to muttering, "What do moths have to do with what she has to say, anyway??" In the epilogue, however, she makes a comparison between moths and butterflies, and "aha!" -- it all finally began to make some sense. (I didn't realize until later, reading others' Goodreads reviews, that this section is titled "The Aftermoth"...!) 

"The term 'misfits' takes on dual notions;  a misfit is one who looks at life differently. Many, however, are made into misfits because life looks at them differently," Coel writes. She describes her experiences as a black woman growing up in a social housing development in the middle of London, and later in the TV industry.  She makes an argument for greater honesty and transparency, diversity and inclusion, and breaking down all kinds of barriers, which many don't even realize exist. 

3.5 stars on Goodreads, rounded up to 4. There is some powerful content here -- but it's a little disjointed and ambiguous in parts. The points she's making are not always immediately clear. "I will do what I'm best at: tell stories, in the hope that you'll be able to connect the dots, find threads to tie together," she says in the introduction. (She says essentially the same thing at the beginning of her lecture.) But sometimes it takes a while for the patterns to emerge.  

(There's also a fair amount of references that left me, and no doubt other North Americans, scratching my head. I knew what Boots was and who Claire Foy is, but Kat Slater (who gets mentioned several times)?? -- But I had to chuckle, because several of these references were asterisked and, at the very back of the book, there's a page of notes explaining who Kat Slater is, among other things. Thank you, Michaela!  ;)  )  

I will be thinking about this one for a while, and I'm looking forward to our discussions about it this month in Gateway Women's private community. It's certainly worth a read -- but see if you can get a copy on sale or from the library. ;)  (Apparently the lecture is available to watch/read online too.) 

This was Book #6 read to date in 2022 (and Book #1 finished in February), bringing me to 13% of my 2022 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 2 books ahead of schedule. :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2022 tagged as "2022 books."  

Support networks (or the lack thereof)(an update)

Further to my #MicroblogMonday post about being prepared (re: covid) --while I addressed practical things like stocking up on food and medical supplies, I later realized I didn't say anything much about social support networks, which is what Mali was mainly talking about in her post. I did say in my post that being closer to dh's brother and our nephews, as well as other relatives, was a big reason why we moved here in 2016 -- and I know that, if we got sick and needed them to bring us some groceries, etc., they would be able to help us out.  (Unless they were all sick at the same time too...!) 

It's great to have family close by (and willing) to help, of course -- but family doesn't always compensate for having a broader social network of friends and neighbours. I wrote a long post a few years back (May 2018) about "Social capital, adult friendships & childlessness," which I searched out and dusted off while thinking about these issues. Most of what I wrote then is still valid. A few things I wrote near the end, though, had me thinking it was time for an update! 

We've been living here two years now -- and we really haven't met a lot of new people here either.  There are neighbours & other people who live in the building that we know by name & exchange pleasant chit-chat with, but nothing deeper. None of dh's cousins, local or otherwise, have come to visit & inspect our condo (which surprises me -- we're the first in the family to get a condo & I though the novelty/curiosity factor would bring them over, if nothing else...!). His aunt has been here, but only because we took her out for dinner and then back here later for coffee....

Well, it's been almost SIX (!) years now -- and while we have lots of acquaintances in the building (and their dogs! lol) that we know by name and exchange pleasantries with, we're still not at the point of inviting them over (or being invited over) for dinner or anything like that. There ARE a very few people (including our next-door neighbour -- one of the building "originals" and a current member of the condo board of directors) that I think I'd feel comfortable asking a favour from in an emergency now, which makes me feel a bit better and less isolated.

We still haven't had any family visitors, after almost six years (!) -- albeit, of course, two of those years have been consumed by the pandemic, when nobody has been socializing much. (We love dh's relatives, but we wouldn't want them here right now...!)  Not even BIL & SIL have been over since the pandemic began, although of course we have been over there (and up to Older Nephew's new house) to see them, many times, especially since we all got our vaccinations this past year. 

Back to the 2018 post: 

I keep saying I'm going to join a yoga class -- mostly because I need & want the exercise & the relaxation/mindfulness benefits it promotes -- but also because it would get me out of the house. I've researched a few places but haven't tried any out yet. Likewise, I would love to find a book club. Even if I didn't make any real friends there, I would love to discover new books and talk about them with other people. I went on Meetups.com in search of one hereabouts, but most of the ones listed there meet in the city proper and would be difficult to get to. I've even considered going back to church in an attempt to meet people (if not with an eye to my eternal salvation, as I sometimes joke).

Still haven't found a yoga class (not that I looked that hard...! -- and even if the yoga studios are operating -- which can be iffy, depending on current restrictions -- I wouldn't feel comfortable going to one right now anyway -- all that emphasis on deep breathing, etc...!).  

I did join a book club through the local library in early 2019, and very much enjoyed attending the monthly meetings for a year, until covid intervened...!  I didn't make any real friends there, but I was getting to know the regulars and their names and quirks, and there were several women who usually sat near me that I would chat with while waiting for the meeting to begin, and then as we were leaving. (We all usually wore nametags, which helped.) I've found some online book clubs since the pandemic began that have helped to fill that bookish gap, and I very much enjoy too, but if/when we ever get rid of covid (!) and the library club restarts in-person meetings, I will definitely return. 

Still haven't been to church here (let alone considering regularly...!).  Churches are open, but capacity is currently restricted because of covid. 

I also wrote about investigating the local Gateway Women meetups. Of course, these have all (or mostly) been online for the past  two years because of the pandemic. I've made connections with some local GWs & other childless women through other CNBC online forums -- there have been some Zoom calls, and talks about getting together for coffee or maybe a hike, etc. -- but the pandemic keeps making this difficult.  While some might be comfortable meeting face to face at this point, I'm afraid I still wouldn't, not yet. There's also the distance & transportation factor: the Greater Toronto Area is pretty far-flung, I don't drive, and public transit has its limits.  Still, it's something I'd be interested in, if/when we can ever get rid of covid...!  

Meanwhile (as Mali reminded me), I am very lucky that I have some awesome friends right here in my computer. :)  Thanks for being here!  :)  

What's saving my life right now...

I recently saw that Modern Mrs. Darcy had posted her annual list of  "What's saving my life right now" as an antidote to the midwinter gloom (more important now than ever, as we endure our second February -- my least favourite month -- of living with covid)(third, if you count 2020, when covid was looming ominously and drawing ever-more closely, even if it hadn't made much of an impact on our lives yet).  

Then I saw that Turia had posted hers -- which reminded me that both had inspired me to post a list of my own last year, and got me thinking about what I'd put on my list for this year. 

I tried not to look at my last year's list too closely before I started writing this. Inevitably, there is some overlap, but I came up with a few new items too...!  

• Dh. I've become very conscious in recent years (through the work of Jody Day & Melanie Notkin, and through the Gateway Women community) that there's quite a large number of women who are childless because they never met the right partner in time to have a family with. Dh has his shortcomings, of course, and we've had our ups & downs over the years -- but I've been reminded several times in recent months, as we passed the 40-year mark in our relationship (!!), of just how lucky I am to have him in my life. :)  He makes me laugh, he makes me dinner almost every night, he makes me tea every afternoon without me asking for it, he's been doing most of the grocery shopping for the past two years since covid (insisting on taking on that extra risk himself), he pitches in with the laundry & cleaning... I may not have children -- but I have him. I am lucky and I know it, and I am very, VERY thankful. 
• Days that are clear & sunny (even if they're freezing cold!), versus grey & gloomy. I was born & raised on the Prairies, where it might be -35C outside -- but the sun will, more often than not, be shining! As I am sure I've confessed before on this blog, I find the damp, slushy, grey gloom of southern Ontario in mid-winter a little hard to cope with.  So I appreciate those bright, sunny days when they happen!  (I notice that MMD does too! -- see #2!) 
• Visits with Little Great-Nephew. At this time last year, our first vaccinations were still two months away, in early April. Older Nephew, his wife and Little Great-Nephew were all still living with BIL & SIL, not far away, but because of covid, our visits were few, short and mostly masked.  Once we all got those first shots, though, we shed the masks around each other and began visiting more often -- especially once LGN's mom returned to work in May after maternity leave, leaving him in the care of SIL.  In the months since then, he's gone from hiding behind his grandmother's legs when we arrived to running to the door to greet us with a huge smile on his face. We never got to spend this kind of regular, quality time with our two nephews when they were little (we lived on opposite ends of the city, and we were working during the week), and we are loving this opportunity for a bit of a do-over.  We've often said that LGN will probably never know or appreciate just how much joy he brought into all our lives at a very dark time in the world. (But we'll probably tell him so when he gets older -- if only to embarrass him, lol.)  
• Listening to music. The news these past 5-6 years has been hard to watch -- first, what happened in the U.S., politically, then covid, and some of the more recent events here in Canada. We still watch the news channels (CNN & CBC News Network), especially first thing in the morning, as well as the local CBC supper hour newscast and "The National" (CBC's nightly national newscast). But we've learned to turn them off during the day (unless there's something really important going on) and turn on a music channel instead (usually our favourite classic rock).  
• "Bob's Burgers" reruns. If there's nothing else on TV at night that we want to watch, we know we can depend on Bob & family -- they're on every night on the Adult Swim channel here at 8 p.m. for an hour (two episodes), as well as new episodes on Sunday nights on Fox, and they rarely fail to tickle my funnybone, even if it's an episode I've seen a dozen times before. I've written about my love of this show before, most notably here.  :) 
• The Winter Olympics. (The opening is tomorrow morning, but the team figure skating event starts tonight!)  It sounds like a rather joyless Olympics, to be honest, with the strict covid protocols being enforced by the Chinese government -- restricted audiences, no families present, no cheering (!) -- and the threats of both illness and politics hanging over everything. But there are always some great performances to watch and celebrate. (Go Canada!!) 
• Online shopping. Obviously, I can't do this too often, for the sake of my wallet!  lol  And there's nothing like in-person shopping, and being able to see & feel what you're buying. (I miss our weekly pre-covid walking and browsing trips to the mall. We haven't even been back to the local mega-bookstore since before Christmas.)  But I've had fun ordering a few things online recently -- some I was running out of (essential oils), some because I had a birthday discount that I didn't want to waste (skin care from Sephora), some I just wanted (pretty jewelry, pretty sweaters)  -- and opening a box that was delivered straight to my door is always a nice little pick-me-up on a dreary day. :)  
• Books. The five I read in January to start the year off were all great. In particular, I can heartily recommend Richard Osman's two books in "The Thursday Murder Club" series, if you're looking for something fast and fun. :)  
• Tea. A nice big cup of plain old Tetley's orange pekoe (although I do have other varieties) with sugar and milk, in the morning after breakfast and mid-afternoon with a cookie. (Sometimes after dinner too, but I've tried to cut back on caffeine in the evening in an attempt at better sleep.)  Always soothing and relaxing! 
• This blog.  I've been here for 14+ years now, and still haven't run out of things to say. ;)  Writing is so cathartic for me, such an outlet, and never more so than these past two years with covid, I think...!  
• The knowledge that there are just 28 days of February to endure. ;)  

What's saving your life right now? 

Midweek odds & ends

• (Very) proud great-auntie moment today:  we went to visit Little Great-Nephew & his grandma this morning. And... he called me by my name for the first time!! I could scarcely believe my ears, but SIL said, "Did you hear that?" Dh heard it too. :)  His vocabulary is growing all the time, and he's getting clearer/easier to understand too.  
• So -- you might remember that, back in November 2019, SIL & I bought tickets to see Elton John here in Toronto on March 29th, 2020... of course, covid intervened, and the concert was postponed, first to Feb. 15th, 2022, and then, more recently, postponed again to March 13th. There was a limited-time window to request a refund, and SIL & I decided to take it. I received a confirmation that my request had been received on Jan. 23rd. (Here's my most recent Elton-related post, with links going further back.) 
• The latest chapter in this seemingly neverending saga: I haven't received the refund yet -- BUT, on Tuesday morning (Feb. 1), I received an email from Ticketmaster:  

Your Event Has Been Postponed. [My reaction: !!!] This is just a heads up — your tickets are still valid... The Event Organizer is still trying to reschedule your event; if they do, your tickets will remain good for the rescheduled date. Hang on to your tickets — we'll email you as soon as the status of your event changes or the new date is announced.  Please Note: Your Event Organizer is not allowing refunds at this time. [??] Event Organizers are constantly assessing the situation and making determinations regarding refunds. You can always check your Ticketmaster Account later, as this status may change. Just go to your order to see if a refund link appears, which would indicate that the Event Organizer has made your order eligible for a refund.

So -- they obviously haven't processed my refund yet. I'm assuming I am still getting one?? As I said in a previous post, "I figured that March 13th was still highly optimistic -- in fact, under the provincial government's current reopening plans (which are subject to change, depending on how things go...), capacity limits on large events venues (like arenas) will not be lifted until March 14th -- the day AFTER the concert!"  

It will be interesting to see how much further back they push the date? -- although the wording ("if they do...") suggests it might not be rescheduled at all. Much as the guy loves performing, he probably just wants to get off the road already -- I'm sure he never dreamed when he started his "farewell tour" back in September 2018 that he'd still be doing it well into 2023...! 

• I was stopped in my tracks by this article, written by a woman whose chronically ill sister was determined to have a baby, despite warnings from her doctors. It cost her her life, as well as the life of her unborn child.  :(  "I fear I lost my sister to this idea that women’s lives are incomplete until they’ve been through childbirth," the author writes. If that's not pronatalism at work, I don't know what is...  
• I found a lot of food for thought in this article from the Globe & Mail about the importance of rituals in our lives, how they help us process changes to our identity, how the pandemic has interfered with our ability to celebrate/mark these important milestones and (importantly for us as childless women) the importance of creating new rituals in the absence of the old ones. There are the usual pronatalist examples of life milestones/rituals (weddings, baby showers, etc.) -- which of course reminds us that one reason childlessness hurts so much is that we miss out on a lot of these established "rites of passage," as well chances for a do-over with the ones we missed out on or have regrets about in our own lives. In some ways, we find ourselves stuck in the liminal state/"identity limbo" the author mentions. But I think this is a good way to start thinking about these issues, and worth a read. 
• I wrote about childlessness and the absence of rituals/milestone celebrations, back in 2016, here. ("Menopause parade," anyone??) 
• "Want To Know Why Women Under 30 Don't Have Kids? Start Asking Men." Yes!! 
• In the same vein -- I think this article is the first one I've seen (certainly in quite a while, if ever??) where a man owns up (kinda/sorta...) to his part in why women may not be having the children they wanted:  "Are men like me the reason young women aren’t starting families?" by James Innes-Smith in The Telegraph. (You may have to register to read it.) 
• Finally, Pamela -- one of the first bloggers I discovered who was writing specifically about childlessness after infertility -- is celebrating Blogoversary #15 this week!!  Go over & congratulate her on this milestone!  

Right now

Right now...* 

*(an occasional (mostly monthly) meme, alternating from time to time with "The Current"). (Explanation of how this started & my inspirations in my first "Right now" post, here. Also my first "The Current" post, here.)

Pandemic diary/update: (LONG and cathartic -- for me, anyway! -- rant ahead!)  January was Month #22 going on #23 -- almost two full years -- of living with the COVID-19 pandemic (now including the Omicron variant, as well as the earlier Delta). 

December was a covid sh*tshow -- globally, nationally and here in Ontario -- as the highly contagious Omicron variant took hold, with skyrocketing new case numbers and hospital/ICU admissions, as well as swamped testing sites. January has not been much better. :(  Although there are recent signs that the worst of the Omicron surge may be over, stats (the ones we can get, anyway...!) are still high and, at their peak, were the worst of the entire pandemic. 

The previous pandemic record of 4800+ new case numbers, set back in April, was broken on Dec. 23rd, and then repeatedly and rapidly surpassed, reaching 10,412 on Christmas Day -- and then, to kick off January and the new year, 18,445 new cases on New Year's Day. :(  By then, the new case numbers stats had become essentially meaningless. Actual case numbers are likely much, much higher than reported:  by late December, testing sites were swamped and couldn't keep up with the demand for appointments, let alone process results in a timely way. 

And so -- instead of adding more resources -- the powers that be decided to restrict who can get a PCR test. There is no mechanism to report the results of a rapid test (assuming you can get your hands on one of those...) to be included in the official numbers. Additionally, schools and daycares are no longer required to report new cases, leaving parents completely in the dark :p -- although some boards are still doing so. And those testing positive but not showing symptoms only have to isolate for five days now, instead of the recommended 10.  

(Turia's two children go to school hereabouts, and she recently posted a great summary of what's happening -- more like NOT happening -- in that department, which explains things far better than I just did! And I completely agree with her interpretation of why the government is choosing to act -- or not act -- as it has.)  

In other words, we're flying blind right now. 

(I saw a tweet yesterday that said it all: "Omicron isn’t “under control” in Ontario. It’s just less out of control than it was before. Under control means 50,000+ tests per day and positivity under 5%. We are averaging 27,500 tests and have 15.3% positivity. Let’s not confuse “not testing” with “we’ve got this.” ") 

With the tests that HAVE been done and processed, positivity rates have remained high. Here in Ontario, the rate was about 32% at the beginning of the month and is currently around 14-15%. It's still over 30% in some other provinces, including my home province of Manitoba. (And yet some people there are up in arms because the government there extended restrictions by another week..!  They may have to wait a while longer...)  

There were 5,300+ new cases reported in Ontario on Friday (Jan. 28th) and 3,043 yesterday to close out the month -- a 7-day average of 4,548, down 29% from the previous week (which is somewhat encouraging) -- but as mentioned above, the true number of cases is likely far higher than reported because of the restrictions on testing. Even if those numbers were accurate (which they're not), that's still pretty high. (And people wonder why we still need restrictions??) 

Reporting emphasis has shifted to hospital admissions, ICU numbers and deaths, which can be counted (somewhat?) more accurately:  

• During January, hospitalizations climbed from 1,322 on Jan. 1st to 2,983 yesterday (Jan. 31st -- down 24% from the previous week). Hospitalizations peaked at 4,119 on Jan. 19th. The rate of unvaccinated patients being hospitalized was twice as high as those vaccinated. (Star) 
• There were 214 ICU beds filled on Jan. 1st, and 583 yesterday (with peak numbers of 626 on Jan. 25th). The rate of unvaccinated in the ICU was four (4) times that of the vaccinated. (Star) 
• There were 12 deaths reported on Jan. 1st and 32 on Jan. 31st, peaking at 92 on Jan. 26th. The change in the seven-day average from last week was +17%.  
• More than 1,100 people in Ontario died of covid during the month of January 2022 alone, making it one of the top three deadliest months of the pandemic to date. 

In the two years since the pandemic began (our first case was in late January 2020), Ontario has logged more than 1 million cases of covid and more than 11,400 deaths. For Canada as a whole, those numbers are almost 3 million and 33,000+, respectively. 

As of yesterday, 84.8% of Ontarians have had at least one shot and 79.8% are fully vaccinated (including those aged 5 & under, who are not yet eligible). Canada-wide, 79.2% of people are fully vaccinated. ("Fully vaccinated" = two doses, although some are lobbying to change that to include boosters/third doses.) 

(I've used numbers from both CBC News's pandemic tracker for Ontario and The Toronto Star, which differ slightly, albeit not substantially.)  

Underfunded and understaffed even before the pandemic, our healthcare system -- the pride of most Canadians -- is staggering under incredible strain right now. Two hospitals near us declared a "code orange" earlier in January, suspending all non-urgent programs and services to help ease the pressures caused by increased covid cases among patients and covid-related staffing shortages. In another hospital about 45 minutes away, kitchen staff were roped into helping out in the wards. One day, I saw a tweet indicating that there were currently NO ambulances/EMS services available anywhere in the city of Toronto. 

Scary, scary stuff. :(    

The provincial government initially announced on Dec. 30th that it was pushing back the start date for in-person school from Jan. 3rd to the 5th, to give schools time to ramp up safety measures (what? like, the past two years weren't time enough??).  A few days later, on Jan. 3rd, they announced that classes would be virtual until Jan. 17th, along with a number of other measures, including closing indoor dining (takeout, drive-through and delivery only permitted), gyms and other recreational sport venues, museums, galleries and other attractions;  imposing new, lower capacity limits on non-essential retail stores and other businesses; and pausing non-urgent medical procedures for at least three weeks (until Jan. 26th).  The premier himself (finally) showed up to make the announcement, after being inexplicably absent from the public eye for more than two weeks while the pandemic raged.  

Despite the dismal numbers, the premier announced on Jan. 20th that many indoor public venues -- including restaurants, bars, gyms and movie theatres -- could reopen on Jan. 31st (yesterday) at 50% capacity. Further capacity increases are planned for Feb. 21st, and all capacity limits on indoor spaces will be lifted on March 14th (assuming things continue to go well, of course...). Proof of vaccination and masking requirements will (thankfully) continue to remain in place for the foreseeable future. 

Meanwhile, more and more of our politicians and chief medical officers are telling us that we have to "learn to live with covid." (Ummm, no thank you... I am not ready to throw in the towel/mask just yet!) 

This past weekend, as the month ended, a convoy of truckers and their supporters (about 8,000 people in all) from across Canada converged on Ottawa -- our national capital, and a city I love -- (supposedly) to protest the recently introduced vaccine mandates (in both Canada AND the U.S.) for those in their industry who cross the border, either way. (85-90% of Canadian truckers are already vaccinated.) But the truckers' specific concerns were drowned out by ranting about vaccines and vaccine mandates generally, as well as other public health measures and pandemic restrictions, plus a lot of general anti-government/anti-prime minister rhetoric.  Many of the most prominent organizers and supporters are not truckers at all. Some have ties to right-wing/western separatist/white supremacist groups and causes, and a lot of the language being used comes straight from the American right-wing extremist/MAGA playbook. Authorities warned of the potential for January 6th-style violence, and advised members of Parliament to take precautions and secure their homes. 

So far, the demonstrations have been non-violent (in the January 6th sense, anyway) -- but not especially peaceful or respectful. As one resident wrote for the Toronto Star, "...the people who live in the city’s core feel unsafe leaving their homes among the throngs of trucks and angry, sometimes intoxicated, protesters." Among the most prominent incidents so far: 

• Confederate, Gadsen and Nazi swastika flags were flying on Parliament Hill along with altered versions of our Maple Leaf, and yellow mock-stars of David were being worn by some. 
• A mall near Parliament Hill had to close because the (unmasked) protesters were gathering there and harassing staff.  Other local businesses also closed their doors.  
• Staff at local hotels reported confrontations with protesters staying there. 
• Despite more than $8 million collected through Go Fund Me to defray costs, some protesters descended upon a downtown homeless shelter, demanded to be fed and assaulted one of the clients. 
• They draped flags, hats and signs on the statue of Terry Fox, one of our country's greatest heroes (who ran halfway across the country on one good leg to raise money to support scientific research for a cure for the cancer that ultimately killed him in 1981, at age 22). (I wrote about Terry -- who was not much older than me -- here.) 
• Most despicable of all was the desecration of the beautiful National War Memorial near Parliament Hill. First, they parked on the site (police requested they move, and wound up towing some vehicles away). A young woman was filmed defiantly dancing on the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. Others used the monument as a toilet, as photos of yellow spots in the snow demonstrate. Real classy. 

(En route to Ottawa, the protesters parked overnight at the suburban Toronto-area mall dh & I frequented, pre-covid, about 20 minutes from our home... and at least one person we know was present among the local crowds lining highway overpasses, cheering on the convoy as it passed by and posting photos later in their social media feeds. Needless to say, I've been prompted to snooze/mute/unfollow a few more people over the past week...!).  

And -- there's ANOTHER variant lurking in the wings that may be even more contagious than omicron...!

Needless to say, I am VERY glad to see this month end. (And I haven't even touched on the weather yet...!) 

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On the personal pandemic front:  We returned home from our Christmas visit to my family out west on Sunday, Jan. 2nd. Older Nephew & his wife both came down with covid in the week between Christmas and New Year's, and it's likely Little Great-Nephew did too :(  -- they didn't test him, but he ran a fever and was throwing up for a few days, poor little guy. :(   (They are all fine now.) A number of dh's cousins & their families also tested positive over the holidays -- some of them while on vacation in Florida. SIL was feeling crappy, too. BIL picked us up at the airport on Jan. 2nd, and ALL of us kept our N95/equivalent masks on in the car!  The next morning (Monday), dh went out for groceries and delivered our one precious unopened box of five rapid tests to SIL. (Negative, thankfully.) 

Then he came home and didn't leave the condo (other than to take the Christmas decorations down to our storage locker, and pick up the mail on the way back up) until the next Monday (Jan. 10th), when he went on a grocery run to the supermarket again. I didn't go out, and we didn't go to see LGN, until my birthday, Jan. 12th.  

It was my 61st birthday. I'd been hoping to take a trip to the art gallery near us to view one of the exhibits that closed on Jan. 31st ("Uninvited: Canadian Women Artists in the Modern Moment")(if you can't get to a beach...??) -- but the gallery was temporarily closed (again, as of Jan. 5th), as part of the latest restrictions mentioned above. Instead, we spent a few hours in the morning with SIL & LGN, picked up some takeout soup for lunch on the way back home, and ordered in pizza for dinner. Dh also picked up a couple of cupcakes that we had for dessert. I talked to my parents and my sister, and downloaded a few new books for my Kobo e-reader as a present to myself.  It was a nice day overall. :) 

On top of dh's usual (once or twice weekly) trips to the supermarket for groceries and for occasional takeout lunches & dinners (fewer than usual recently, because of my gallstone issues), and to visit Little Great-Nephew at BIL & SIL's (4 times, including once on my birthday and once to stay with him while SIL went to a medical appointment), we went to the drugstore on Jan. 20th to pick up prescriptions & some other things we needed (e.g., I realized that all the cold medications I had stocked up on at the beginning of the pandemic were now past their expiry date!). We got haircuts on Jan. 23rd, and went for our semi-annual checkups and cleanings at the dentist on Jan. 25th (postponed from the 17th, when we had a huge winter storm, and then changed again from the 26th). 

And that's it!  

The Elton John concert that SIL & I bought tickets for, way back in November 2019 -- originally scheduled for March 29th, 2020, then rescheduled for Feb. 15th, 2022 -- was postponed again to March 13th. There was an option to ask for a refund within 7 days of the change in date -- and we decided to take it. :(   

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Also right now:  

Reading: I finished 5 books in January (all reviewed on this blog, as well as Goodreads, & tagged  "2022 books"):  

• "Ghosts" by Dolly Alderton (December's pick for the Gateway Women/NoMo book club). My review. 
• "The Story Girl" by L.M. Montgomery, which my L.M. Montgomery Readathon group on Facebook began reading together & discussing on January 10th. I read the entire thing on my own, and will count it as a re-read when we finish our group discussion in April. My review. 
• "My Sister the Serial Killer" by Oyinkan Braithwaite (the January pick for the Gateway Women/NoMo book club).  My review. 
• "The Man Who Died Twice" by Richard Osman (a sequel to "The Thursday Murder Club"). My review. 
• "Taste" by Stanley Tucci. My review. 

This brings me to 5 books read so far in 2022 -- 11% of my 2022 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books.  I am (for the moment, anyway) 2 books ahead of schedule. :)

Current read(s): 

• "Chasing History" by Carl Bernstein 
• "The Story Girl" by L.M. Montgomery -- a group read with my LMM Readathon group on Facebook.   
• "Charlotte Fairlie" (also known as "The Fair Isle" and "Blow the Wind Southerly") by D.E. Stevenson, which I read myself over Christmas, and which my DES group began reading together in early January. 
• "The Menopause Manifesto" by Dr. Jen Gunter. 

Coming up: 

(Most of my book groups have their next reads plotted out for a few months in advance -- and this is a great place for me to keep track of what I should read next, lol.) 

• My "Clever Name" book club went on hiatus until after Christmas, and still hasn't started up again -- which means the reading list has been pushed back by a couple of months. Books scheduled for the next several months (that I haven't read yet) are (in order): 
• "Recipe for a Perfect Wife" by Karma Brown  
• "Donna Has Left the Building" by Susan Jane Gilman  
• "Equal Justice: My Journey as a Woman, A Soldier, And a Muslim" by Rabia Siddique  
• "The Lost Apothecary" by Sarah Penner 
• "I Know This Much is True" by Wally Lamb 
• For the Gateway Women/NoMo book club: 
• "Misfits" by Michaela Coel (February) 
• For my D.E. Stevenson fan group (no set timeframes, but these are the next ones we've agreed to read after we finish the current book, in order):  
• "House of the Deer" 
• "Anna and her Daughters" 
• "Sarah Morris Remembers" 

Also: within the private online Gateway Women community, we've formed a group to discuss Jody Day's book, "Living the Life Unexpected," one chapter per month, in a live Zoom call. (There are actually two groups -- one that's more conducive to UK/European/Australasian time zones, and one for North Americans.) Our first call was Sunday afternoon. Completing all 12 chapters will take us a full year.  I'm not going to add this book to my "reading" list on Goodreads, although if/when we complete the full 12 chapters, I'll count it as another re-read. :)  

A few recently purchased titles (in digital format, mostly discounted or purchased with points -- we haven't been back to the local bookstore since before Christmas):   

• "The Taking of Jemima Boone" by Matthew Pearl 
• "Oh William!" by Elizabeth Strout 
• "Mothering Sunday" by Graham Swift 
• "Burnout" by Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski 
• "Everything Happens for a Reason" by Kate Bowler 
• "The Almost Legendary Morris Sisters" by Julie Klam 
• "Group" by Christie Tate 
• "Clementine" by Sonia Purnell 

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Watching:  Figure skating -- both Canadian & U.S. nationals, on the same (first) weekend of the month -- partly streaming online & partly on TV.  Canadians was in Ottawa -- just a couple of hours' drive away -- and if not for covid, I might have considered buying tickets and going to be there live. (I've attended nationals in 1982 & 1998, and had a blast.)  As it was, the competition was held in an empty arena :(  and several competitors either had to withdraw because they'd come down with covid, or had sub-par performances because they'd just recovered from it. :p  But there were still some great skates to watch! 

Season 8 of "Finding Your Roots" on PBS.  Always fascinating!  

(Getting ready to watch:  the Winter Olympics from Beijing. I checked the CBC schedule, and coverage of the team event for figure skating begins on Thursday evening my time... the "regular" skating events mostly begin between 5 and 6 a.m...!  Guess I will be setting an alarm clock on those mornings... I am yawning already...!)(I much prefer to watch the events live, if I can, versus the canned replays later on.)  

Listening: Catching up on some podcasts. I was a few episodes behind on "The Full Stop" (caught up now!), and discovering some new ones -- including 1in5, which I heard about via Jody Day.  Jody has been on a few good ones lately too  :) -- links and transcripts of podcasts she's appeared on are available here (most recent first). 

Eating/Drinking:  Panettone. :) It's kind of like the Italian version of Christmas fruitcake, although it's more like a bread -- much lighter and yeast-ier than traditional fruitcake -- filled with bits of dried/candied fruit. (It's also usually available around Eastertime.)  We usually wind up with at least one and sometimes more at this time of year, all given to us by dh's relatives.  SIL gave us one at Christmastime, just before we left to head west, and it was waiting for us when we returned. Dh has no use for the things (silly boy!) and was inclined to just throw it out (he threw out one that stepMIL had given us, when we visited her earlier in December), but I kind of like them (although some are better/more tasty than others). (Plus, I hate wasting perfectly good food.) This one had cranberries in it, and (I think?) some alcohol. Quite tasty! I ate the entire thing myself (!), over about a week. ;)  

Then... we went over to SIL's on my birthday, and she gave us a bottle of wine and... another panettone (!) that dh's cousin & his wife (the ones who hosted us at their cottage this past fall) had asked her to pass along to us. This one was filled with salted caramel and chocolate. Not traditional, but definitely delicious!   

For my birthday dinner on Jan. 12th, we ordered our favourite wood oven thin crust pizzas for takeout -- pepperoni for dh, potato for me (thinly sliced Yukon Gold potatos with caramelized onions & pancetta bacon, mozzarella and fresh rosemary, no sauce). Red velvet cupcakes for dessert. And enough leftover pizza for another dinner later. So yummy -- but unfortunately, the pizza irritated my gallstones, both nights I had it. Not badly, but enough to be noticeable. Sigh... 

Panettone and pizza aside, I'm still trying to eat carefully. (Perhaps not quite as carefully as I was, pre-Christmas, but still with some measure of caution.)  Between my tomato allergy and gallstones to consider, plus shortages in the supermarket, it's sometimes it's a struggle to figure out what to make for dinner...!

Craving: Several of the local Italian restaurants/bakeries in my social media feeds have already started promoting their yummy zeppole pastries, which are traditionally made/eaten around St. Joseph's Day (March 19th) (although some bakeries offer them year-round). I may have to ask dh to pick me up some on his next supermarket run...!  

A Nanaimo bar. ;)  We always have a tray of them at Christmastime (bought at the store, although I have my grandmother's recipe) -- but I realized on the way back home that while I cut them up and plated them for us to snack on (along with butter tarts and shortbread -- which I did sample!), on Christmas Eve, I didn't actually have a piece myself!!  

Buying (besides books, lol):  I ordered a few things from post-Christmas sales online:  some Christmas-themed waffle-weave pajama tops from Old Navy, and a few T-shirts and flannel shirts from Lucky Brand. I also just ordered a couple of pretty sweaters on sale from Cleo (a Canadian women's wear chain), and some essential oils on sale from Saje (taking advantage of a 30% off sale to restock some of my favourites). 

I ordered another box of five rapid tests, at a post-Christmas sale price on Jan. 3rd, which was back-ordered, with an estimated delivery date of mid-January. (We're still waiting to get them...! -- although I got a notice yesterday that they *should* be delivered today.)  And I've ordered a couple more packages of N95-equivalent masks (when they finally came back into stock, and I was finally able to complete an order before they sold out again!). 

I also renewed my membership at the McMichael Canadian Art Collection for another two years -- even though I barely got to use it at all these past two years because of covid. :(  It's a real treasure, worth supporting, and I love going there. (Worth a visit if you are in the Toronto area and have an interest in Canadian art!) 

I also decided to support some of the writers whose work I admire, and paid for a subscription to Medium, as well as subscriptions to a few of my favourite Substack newsletters. (Plus I was tired of running into paywalls for subscriber-only content...!)  

Wearing: More necklaces recently. I used to wear necklaces a lot when I was in high school, university & my 20s. Then I kind of got out of the habit. (I don't wear much jewelry of any kind around the house -- not even my wedding/engagement rings. I mostly just put in a pair of stud earrings every day, to keep my ear piercings from closing up!)  But I've bought a couple of necklaces recently from my favourite sterling silver jewelry maker, and received a few more over Christmas through the advent calendar I bought from her, so I figured I should start wearing them more often. 

Trying:  To keep busy and upbeat despite the depressing news and the cold. 

Wanting: An end to this pandemic, already!!  (I must admit I have no confidence that we'll be done with it by the end of 2022... although I hold onto a sliver of hope that things might be at least *somewhat* better by then...???) 

Enjoying:  Spending a few hours every week with Little Great-Nephew again, after being away for a few weeks over Christmas. 

Noticing: The days are (gradually!) starting to get a little longer... it's a little lighter, early in the morning, and it doesn't get as dark as fast in the late afternoon. Progress! and a small boost to the spirits!  

Wondering:  How many (more) people I know have had covid but just aren't saying so (at least not on social media)?? I suspect there's a few... 

Prioritizing: Staying safe -- and staying warm. ;) 

Waiting: For the Super Bowl to (FINALLY!) bring an end to the NFL season! Apologies to any fans out there, but I find it endless and boring! 

Hoping: That the predictions of yet another snowstorm later this week don't pan out...!  

Dreading:  "Family Day," coming up in February (the 21st). I'm already seeing ads in my social media feeds from restaurants offering special menus for "Family Day dinners for 4." Way too much food for MY little family of two...!  

Loving/Appreciating: Seeing clear blue skies and sunshine outside again recently (even if it's been extremely cold here for most of January!)(and even colder with the wind chill factored in!).  

Feeling: Cold, slightly stir-crazy, and completely sick of winter (already!).