Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Which would you choose?

Suddenly, I'm popular. Not just one, but two invitations for the same day -- and Mother's Day, no less!! Who'd-a thunk?? Little ol' infertile, deadbabymama me!

Since dh's mother died long before I was able to meet her, and my own mother lives 1,500 miles away, dh & I have usually been left to our own devices on Mother's Day -- which is generally how we like it. I wrote this post about Mother's Day & me last year.

We've already (reluctantly) accepted the first invitation we received last month. As I wrote earlier, dh & I will be spending Mother's Day living out every infertile woman/bereaved mother's bad dream -- attending a baptism (for stepBIL's son). Being that it is stepMIL's grandson -- her only, long-awaited grandchild -- we HAVE to go. There is no way we can excuse ourselves.

But today, I received an e-mail from one of dh's (female) cousins. If there is enough interest, she & one of the other female cousins are proposing to organize a Mother's Day brunch outing, just for "the girls" -- the aunts, the female cousins, their own daughters (who range in age from 2 to 18), & the male cousins' wives (including me).

I don't know whether the group brunch idea will ultimately come off. And obviously, having accepted the baptism invitation (& since FIL's wife trumps the aunts & cousins on the other side of the family anyway), I had to decline the brunch invitation.

I know there's a third choice -- digging in my heels & turning down both invitations, & doing what dh & I always do (cemetery, movie &/or shopping, avoidance, lol). Needless to say, I have no spine. ; )

But anyway, this got me thinking. Theoretically -- let's say I got both invitations on the same day at the same time -- and had to pick one (i.e., turning both down was not an option). Which invitation should/would I accept?

Other assumptions in this theoretical world:
  • I am not having any problems with food reactions, so they are not a consideration in thinking about the food. ; )

  • I don't have to worry about offending FIL if I go for brunch instead.
Factors to consider in each scenario:
  • Baptism: There will be about 40-50 people attending. Only a handful of small children, if any, although there will certainly be much to-do made over the guest of honour. I will know most of the people there (stepMIL's family), although not extremely well. There will be other childless women there, although they are the doting aunts of the baby. We will be attending a church service, followed by lunch at an Italian restaurant, all close to where dh & I live.

  • Brunch: If all those invited attend, there would be four older women, 10 cousins/cousins' wives, and five girls ages 2-18. I am probably more comfortable generally with this group, & they are a lot of fun to be around. I think it's nice to be included in the invitation. However!! I would be the only adult female there who does not have a (living) child. And, with the conversation at such gatherings usually very kid-focused, I am sure I would ultimately wind up feeling a little bored/frustrated/resentful/sad, etc. The restaurant has not been picked yet, and it would probably be farther from where I live (in which case I would have to either get dh to take me or hitch a ride with cousin/neighbour's wife, assuming she & her daughters are going too) but I'm sure it would be a nice brunch.
Which invitation would YOU accept, & why? I'm curious to hear your responses!


  1. The brunch sounds like more fun but I'm tainted in that I am not a fan of religious services of any kind. But I can see where it could get tedious too. Sorry I'm not much help. I think I'd opt for your own private time, with a nice bottle of something or a big glass with an umbrella in it:)

  2. Re: your comment on my blog - we don't know know what caused my little episode. *Shudders*

    Ugh, good luck on your decision - that sucks rot either way. If it were me, I'd stick to the routine you and your partner already have. I second the idea of a big glass with a cute little umbrella.


  3. UGH. Sorry, I wouldn't attend either. I'm not in a place where I can consider a celebration of mother's day, yet. I can't even imagine either.

  4. Sigh. I honestly have no idea. I haven't got a clue. Neither option sounds great, we still take the sunday off of church when babies are baptized. Maybe next year I'll be more able.

    I sure wish I could be more help.

  5. ack, don't ask me! I'm that cowardly ostrich with her head in the sand..

    whatever you choose, Loribeth, my heart is with you. xo

  6. I'd go with the baptism because although the event is focused on an infant (and on Mother's day), there will be lots of talk about *other* things, too. At brunch, on Mother's day, with all women who want to chat it up about motherhood, you'd be trapped by it. At larger events I can usually find someone who wants to talk about something other than kids/parenting/blahblahblah.

    I think you done good, Loribeth. :-)

    As for me, I have to work 12 hours that day so I'm all set! ;)

  7. Honestly, I think I would go for the baptism over the brunch, even though I still think it's obnoxious to have a baptism on Mother's Day. At the baptism you can have at least a little silent time for reflection, whereas the brunch will be a gab-fest and the conversation at this time of year is usually about weddings, bridal or baby showers, graduations, college admissions, etc.

    But I have always liked your own Mother's Day ritual and think that is the best option yet.

  8. I would probably do the brunch. I'd rather put up with a bunch of women talking about their kids then a baptism. Baptism on Mother's Day sounds like a special kind of torture to me. You're braver than I am!

  9. Ugh. I don't know. I guess I'd vote for the brunch and a couple strong bloody marys to ease the boredom with all the kid chat.

  10. Yeah, I'd probably go for the brunch too and have a smart cocktail. I'd rather hang out and talk to the kids. Maybe you'd like to plan a trip to visit your mum next year?

  11. I'm completely anti-social, so I'd figure out which one I could get away with (1) showing up to late; (2) slipping away early; and (3) not talking or listening to anyone.

    So, I guess it would be the baptism. I mean, it's okay to wear an iPod to church, isn't it? ;)

  12. My first thought was the brunch because it would be more social/enjoyable. . . but actually, being social is overrated :) I'd go wherever I could hide the best, which sounds like the baptism.

  13. Both choices sound pretty awful, but if I HAD to go with one, I'd probably take the brunch. At least where people know me, know what happened, some good moments might arise out of all the pain too.