Monday, February 10, 2020

#MicroblogMondays: Never mind...

The move is off.  :(  Without going into all the details, part of the funding that Older Nephew & his wife were counting on to purchase their townhouse fell through. Fortunately, they were able to recoup their initial deposit (there was a cooling-off period built into the contract).  I guess that's real estate for you...!

They are upset, of course, and while we don't like seeing them disappointed, dh & I think maybe it's for the best. We understand their desire to spread their wings and get out on their own. At the same time, we felt they might have been rushing into things. A little patience can go a long way...! 

I found myself thinking that, if buying a house and being independent is such a priority, then why did they go ahead & get pregnant?  (Not that I would give Great-Nephew back!!) It's not always possible to have everything you want, all at the same time...

But then I think, well, dh & I were so very conscious about being fiscally responsible and buying a house before starting a family -- and where did that get us?  By the time we left our adults-only apartment in the city (thanks to some help with the down payment from my generous FIL -- or we'd probably still be there...!), five years had passed; by the time we got a handle on mortgage payments and home ownership, another few years had gone by. I was in my mid-30s by the time we finally did start trying for a baby -- and then, when I told my family dr that we'd been trying for a while without results, he just patted me on the head and told me it would happen. (And this happened more than once.)

And I believed him.

By the time I did get pregnant, I was 37 -- and we all know how that ended. :(   After that, with the clock ticking in the background, we tried infertility testing and treatments -- until they left me a total physical, emotional, mental and financial wreck, shortly after my 40th birthday.

So here we are, almost (gulp) 20 years later -- doing pretty well financially, retired in our 50s and living in a nice, mortgage-free condo (after selling the house we bought 30 years ago) -- but, of course, no family. It's a good life, but it's certainly not the life we wanted, or planned, or expected.

Who's to say we did the right thing?

Who's to say they didn't?

There's always a price to pay. There are always tradeoffs -- and not always ones we can control. And not always the ones we're expecting.

Time will tell.

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.


  1. Yes, you're so right. Reading this I was echoing your exact houghts.

    A dear Thai friend of mine said to me (when I was still in my 20s) that she (and her husband) had waited for the right time to have a baby, then "the baby didn't come." Turned out, we did the same. It comes back to that concept that we make the best decisions we can at the time.

  2. I'm sorry the move is off, but I was thinking similar thoughts. It's that quote I love again, "Everyone can't have everything." The timing is never right for every thing all the time. You make decisions based on what you've got and the knowledge you have, and it's so easy later to wonder what would have happened if you did THIS instead, or THAT came first. You just never know how things will end up in these alternative worlds.

  3. Yeah I get the impression that it's rare to have 'everything' at once and there are always trade offs. Whenever friends tell me now that they are putting off trying for a baby until they buy property/get a promotion at work/loose weight... I remind them that there is no guarantee it'll work and try to encourage them not to wait.

  4. Trade-offs, for sure. Life is full of them, and we always have a path not taken.

    Still, it can make you wistful to wonder about the "road less traveled."

    I love the life you and your DH have created for yourself. Sometimes (often?) I am envious :-)