... and madly trying to catch up on the almost 600 (!) posts on my Google Reader that have accumulated over the past week-plus. Between the renovation, work and my mother's visit, I feel like I'm quite of sync with the blogosphere these past several weeks. I've missed blogging about Canadian Thanksgiving, Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day, the anniversaries of my grandparents' deaths, politics & elections (Canadian & American). Sigh.
I had a pretty good visit with my mom. I always start the week with such high expectations & umpteen plans for things we can do... which somehow never quite get fulfilled. Nevertheless, we spent time together & that's the main thing. And the weather was mostly goregous. : ) We did go to see "Jersey Boys" on (Canadian) Thanksgiving Sunday, which we thoroughly enjoyed. We went to the mall more than once, & strolled along the waterfront here. And we went to the cemetery last Sunday. Mom picked up a plastic Halloween pumpkin at the drugstore for Katie -- her one & only grandchild (guilt, guilt). :( Apparently it will light up, although the batteries weren't working. : )
In the meantime, I was pleasantly surprised to log on here & find a flood of comments from the lovely ladies at SITS. Not quite sure how you found me, but so glad to see pregnancy & infant loss being recognized in the broader blogosphere.
Coming up: return to work on Monday (boo, hiss...), escalating year-end madness, Halloween.... and my blogoversary!!
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Belated Show & Tell: Walk to Remember
I'm still here... & I have at least half a dozen posts half written, both in my drafts folder and in my head (not to mention 165 posts piled up in my Google Reader from over the weekend…!), but no time to write them. I've been composing this one in snatches from the office when I should be focusing on letters to shareholders.
I feel like my life has been running away on me these last few weeks. Work has been nuts (market turmoil adding to the usual year-end rush for both me & dh); I've been cleaning & reorganizing the bathroom, now that the reno is pretty much complete (future show & tell to come!)… and my mother is coming on Friday night for a week, sending me into a housecleaning panic!!
The support group dh & I volunteer with had its Walk to Remember on Sunday afternoon at Mount Pleasant, one of the city's largest & prettiest old cemeteries -- so large that there is actually a major city street that runs right through the middle of it. When dh & I were first married, we lived in a New York-style brownstone apartment building just around the corner from one of the main entrances to the cemetery. We loved to walk around there, especially in the fall, with the autumn colours at their most magnificent, admiring the beautiful old monuments. Some of Toronto's richest old families -- the Masseys, the Eatons, the Westons -- are buried in huge mausoleums there, some that are as big as some houses.
During these strolls, I was always on the lookout for tombstones that bore my own family names, joking that you never know, they could be relatives. One large white monument in particular captured my attention, & I jotted down the names & dates on it, "just in case." Believe it or not, last year I made contact with a distant cousin, and through her, I learned that the people buried there ARE, in fact, distant relatives. One of them -- a three-year-old girl named Florence, who died during a family trip from Minnesota to Toronto just after the turn of the last century -- was actually my grandfather's first cousin. And here I was, some 80+ years later, unknowingly living right around the corner from where she was buried. I wished my grandfather was still here to be able to tell him.
The memorial for the Empress of Ireland was/is almost directly behind our building. The Empress of Ireland was a ship that collided with another ship in the St. Lawrence River on May 29, 1914, and sank in just 14 minutes. 1,012 people died, including 167 members of the Salvation Army, en route to England for a conference. Each year, the Sally Ann holds a memorial service at the monument on the Sunday closest to May 29th. We would hear the band playing "Abide With Me" through the open window as we lazed guiltily in bed.
But, I digress…!
The Walk to Remember begins at the cemetery office. From there, it's about a 10-minute stroll over to the Children's Garden. The Children's Garden was created in 1990 by a woman named Mary Smith, whose son died shortly after birth some 40+ years ago.
At that time, of course, it was common practice for dead & dying babies to be whisked away, unseen by the parents, & buried together in common, unmarked plots. Mary wanted to know what had happened to her child, and after many years of searching, she determined that he had been buried in such a plot in Mount Pleasant, along the side of one of the roads that winds through the cemetery. My understanding of the story is that she wanted to have him re-buried in a family plot, but learned she would have to locate and get permission from the families of every other child buried there with him (!).
So she did the next best thing, and created the Children's Garden as a memorial to her son & all the other anonymous children buried at Mount Pleasant over the years. The garden has been designed so that something is blooming there year round. There is also a charming bronze statue among the plants called "First Flight," showing a young girl and her brother playing leapfrog. This year, I noticed several small toys and stuffed animals had been placed at its base.
Mary attends the Walk to Remember just about every year, and the sculptor, Juliet Jansco of Dundas, Ontario, was also there this year.
Once everyone has arrived at the Children's Garden, parents are invited to come to the microphone, say their child's name and significant date(s), and read a poem, if they like, original or otherwise. This year, a woman who looked to be in her 60s stepped bravely to the microphone and told her story in a halting voice. She lost her baby 38 years ago (!!), and only just recently found out where her child was buried. She read a poem she had written after visiting the site, and when she ended it "Love, Mommy," everyone around me was in tears (myself included).
Following the brief memorial ceremony, there is a dove release (children -- brothers & sisters of the babies we are remembering -- are generally asked to open the baskets to release the doves), and then refreshments. Everyone receives a takeaway. Some years it's been a small plant, other years we've received seeds. This year, we each received a white carnation. I took mine to the cemetery & left it at Katie's niche.
On the way back to the car, dh & I stopped at a very unique monument, pointed out to us by a cemetery tour guide at one of the first Walks to Remember we attended. (The tour is no longer a part of the annual walk.) It's completely surrounded by tall cedar shrubs and is barely visible from the road. It is a unique monument, a tall, Zen-like pyramid, balanced on top of a base of three orbs, and made of metal, marble/granite? and etched glass.
It was erected by the drummer of a very well-known, Toronto-based Canadian classic rock band, in memory of his 19-year-old daughter, who died tragically in a car accident in 1997, and his wife, who died less than a year later -- ostensibly of cancer but also, he believes, of a broken heart. He wrote about his losses and the year-long cross-continent motorcycle road trip he took afterwards in a book (yet another volume in my huge "to read" pile…). I'm not naming names here, but I believe it should be easy to figure out, if you're curious.
On each of two sides of the monument, the women's names, birth and death dates are inscribed on the metal panel, and their images are etched in the glass above. The third side of the monument is blank, although the drummer's image gazes out above it in etched glass. It is, I assume, reserved for him, although he has since remarried. Under his daughter's name & dates are inscribed some lines from the poem "After the Funeral" by W.H. Auden, memorably recited by the actor John Hannah in the movie "Four Weddings and a Funeral." The last few line of the poem, included on the monument, are:
"The stars are not wanted now, put out every one.
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun.
Pour out the ocean and sweep up the wood,
For nothing now can ever come to any good."
It is a very private little space -- a sanctuary from the busy world outside the cemetery gates, and a little world unto itself, even in the middle of a vast urban cemetery. I almost feel as though I am intruding when I step through the narrow opening in the tall cedars & gaze on the monument. I once took a photo of it but found myself regretting that I had as soon as I did. (The space is so small that it's almost hard to fit the entire height of the monument into my camera's lens.) And I feel a little funny writing about it here in my blog, even with the names removed. The band's fans are notoriously fanatic, and I have no wish to draw unwelcome attention to the spot -- and yet it is a place that touches me deeply, as a bereaved parent.
I wonder how often he comes to visit.
I feel like my life has been running away on me these last few weeks. Work has been nuts (market turmoil adding to the usual year-end rush for both me & dh); I've been cleaning & reorganizing the bathroom, now that the reno is pretty much complete (future show & tell to come!)… and my mother is coming on Friday night for a week, sending me into a housecleaning panic!!
The support group dh & I volunteer with had its Walk to Remember on Sunday afternoon at Mount Pleasant, one of the city's largest & prettiest old cemeteries -- so large that there is actually a major city street that runs right through the middle of it. When dh & I were first married, we lived in a New York-style brownstone apartment building just around the corner from one of the main entrances to the cemetery. We loved to walk around there, especially in the fall, with the autumn colours at their most magnificent, admiring the beautiful old monuments. Some of Toronto's richest old families -- the Masseys, the Eatons, the Westons -- are buried in huge mausoleums there, some that are as big as some houses.
During these strolls, I was always on the lookout for tombstones that bore my own family names, joking that you never know, they could be relatives. One large white monument in particular captured my attention, & I jotted down the names & dates on it, "just in case." Believe it or not, last year I made contact with a distant cousin, and through her, I learned that the people buried there ARE, in fact, distant relatives. One of them -- a three-year-old girl named Florence, who died during a family trip from Minnesota to Toronto just after the turn of the last century -- was actually my grandfather's first cousin. And here I was, some 80+ years later, unknowingly living right around the corner from where she was buried. I wished my grandfather was still here to be able to tell him.
The memorial for the Empress of Ireland was/is almost directly behind our building. The Empress of Ireland was a ship that collided with another ship in the St. Lawrence River on May 29, 1914, and sank in just 14 minutes. 1,012 people died, including 167 members of the Salvation Army, en route to England for a conference. Each year, the Sally Ann holds a memorial service at the monument on the Sunday closest to May 29th. We would hear the band playing "Abide With Me" through the open window as we lazed guiltily in bed.
But, I digress…!
The Walk to Remember begins at the cemetery office. From there, it's about a 10-minute stroll over to the Children's Garden. The Children's Garden was created in 1990 by a woman named Mary Smith, whose son died shortly after birth some 40+ years ago.
At that time, of course, it was common practice for dead & dying babies to be whisked away, unseen by the parents, & buried together in common, unmarked plots. Mary wanted to know what had happened to her child, and after many years of searching, she determined that he had been buried in such a plot in Mount Pleasant, along the side of one of the roads that winds through the cemetery. My understanding of the story is that she wanted to have him re-buried in a family plot, but learned she would have to locate and get permission from the families of every other child buried there with him (!).
So she did the next best thing, and created the Children's Garden as a memorial to her son & all the other anonymous children buried at Mount Pleasant over the years. The garden has been designed so that something is blooming there year round. There is also a charming bronze statue among the plants called "First Flight," showing a young girl and her brother playing leapfrog. This year, I noticed several small toys and stuffed animals had been placed at its base.
Mary attends the Walk to Remember just about every year, and the sculptor, Juliet Jansco of Dundas, Ontario, was also there this year.
Once everyone has arrived at the Children's Garden, parents are invited to come to the microphone, say their child's name and significant date(s), and read a poem, if they like, original or otherwise. This year, a woman who looked to be in her 60s stepped bravely to the microphone and told her story in a halting voice. She lost her baby 38 years ago (!!), and only just recently found out where her child was buried. She read a poem she had written after visiting the site, and when she ended it "Love, Mommy," everyone around me was in tears (myself included).
Following the brief memorial ceremony, there is a dove release (children -- brothers & sisters of the babies we are remembering -- are generally asked to open the baskets to release the doves), and then refreshments. Everyone receives a takeaway. Some years it's been a small plant, other years we've received seeds. This year, we each received a white carnation. I took mine to the cemetery & left it at Katie's niche.
On the way back to the car, dh & I stopped at a very unique monument, pointed out to us by a cemetery tour guide at one of the first Walks to Remember we attended. (The tour is no longer a part of the annual walk.) It's completely surrounded by tall cedar shrubs and is barely visible from the road. It is a unique monument, a tall, Zen-like pyramid, balanced on top of a base of three orbs, and made of metal, marble/granite? and etched glass.
It was erected by the drummer of a very well-known, Toronto-based Canadian classic rock band, in memory of his 19-year-old daughter, who died tragically in a car accident in 1997, and his wife, who died less than a year later -- ostensibly of cancer but also, he believes, of a broken heart. He wrote about his losses and the year-long cross-continent motorcycle road trip he took afterwards in a book (yet another volume in my huge "to read" pile…). I'm not naming names here, but I believe it should be easy to figure out, if you're curious.
On each of two sides of the monument, the women's names, birth and death dates are inscribed on the metal panel, and their images are etched in the glass above. The third side of the monument is blank, although the drummer's image gazes out above it in etched glass. It is, I assume, reserved for him, although he has since remarried. Under his daughter's name & dates are inscribed some lines from the poem "After the Funeral" by W.H. Auden, memorably recited by the actor John Hannah in the movie "Four Weddings and a Funeral." The last few line of the poem, included on the monument, are:
"The stars are not wanted now, put out every one.
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun.
Pour out the ocean and sweep up the wood,
For nothing now can ever come to any good."
It is a very private little space -- a sanctuary from the busy world outside the cemetery gates, and a little world unto itself, even in the middle of a vast urban cemetery. I almost feel as though I am intruding when I step through the narrow opening in the tall cedars & gaze on the monument. I once took a photo of it but found myself regretting that I had as soon as I did. (The space is so small that it's almost hard to fit the entire height of the monument into my camera's lens.) And I feel a little funny writing about it here in my blog, even with the names removed. The band's fans are notoriously fanatic, and I have no wish to draw unwelcome attention to the spot -- and yet it is a place that touches me deeply, as a bereaved parent.
I wonder how often he comes to visit.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Do I get a prize?
I recently went for my annual checkup with my family dr, & while my blood pressure was holding steady at 120/80 (yay me), apparently my ferretin (iron) levels were very low. Yep, not only am I hypothyroid & hypertensive (not to mention infertile, but that's neither here nor there…), now I'm anemic too! Do I get a prize??
I went to his office again this morning to talk about it, & he showed me my results. "Normal" ferretin levels are about 10-280-something -- I was at 10. He gave me the name of a non-prescription iron pill I could get at the drugstore, & I got a bottle on my break this morning. I'm hoping they'll do the trick, without too many side effects. I asked his receptionist if I needed to come back for another reading, & she said to call when I've finished the bottle.
Apparently heavy periods can be a major factor behind anemia, & I've certainly had some of those lately. I just figured it was perimenopause raising its ugly head. I've mentioned it to Dr. Ob-gyn and he's never seemed too concerned. Family Dr. asked whether I was feeling fatigued. "Hey, who isn't??" I said. I wish I just could feel normal & healthy -- it seems like there's always something... -- although I realize that both "normal" & "healthy" are relative terms & that I really don't have that much to be complaining about when compared to the problems of others…
In other news, we (finally) bought a vanity on Tuesday night. Couldn't get hold of stepBIL (apparently he was out of town), it wouldn't fit in the car & the rental van wasn't available, so we wound up having it delivered. Even though we bought it Tuesday night, the first available delivery date was today (!) & "anytime between 7 a.m & 6 p.m.," of course. Dh took the day off to stay home & wait, and it finally arrived around 11 a.m. Not quite sure how it's going to look (I think the wood colour is fine but I would have preferred a white marble-ish top), but I was under pressure to make up my mind…! What do you think?
StepBIL arrived late in the afternoon, tore out the old vanity & sink & set some floor tiles where the old one used to be. He'll be here bright & early tomorrow to resume work (grout floor tiles, paint, new toilet & new vanity). Dh & I will be going out for part of the morning (just as well, it gets awfully noisy in here sometimes when he's working...!). Our pg loss support group is holding a waterfront fundraising 5k walk/run. It's been going on for a few years now but this is the first year we'll take part (walking, NOT running!! & paying a flat entrance fee vs collecting pledges) -- at least, so long as the forecasted rain holds off...
Time to watch the U.S. presidential debate...! Happy Friday, & have a good weekend!
I went to his office again this morning to talk about it, & he showed me my results. "Normal" ferretin levels are about 10-280-something -- I was at 10. He gave me the name of a non-prescription iron pill I could get at the drugstore, & I got a bottle on my break this morning. I'm hoping they'll do the trick, without too many side effects. I asked his receptionist if I needed to come back for another reading, & she said to call when I've finished the bottle.
Apparently heavy periods can be a major factor behind anemia, & I've certainly had some of those lately. I just figured it was perimenopause raising its ugly head. I've mentioned it to Dr. Ob-gyn and he's never seemed too concerned. Family Dr. asked whether I was feeling fatigued. "Hey, who isn't??" I said. I wish I just could feel normal & healthy -- it seems like there's always something... -- although I realize that both "normal" & "healthy" are relative terms & that I really don't have that much to be complaining about when compared to the problems of others…
In other news, we (finally) bought a vanity on Tuesday night. Couldn't get hold of stepBIL (apparently he was out of town), it wouldn't fit in the car & the rental van wasn't available, so we wound up having it delivered. Even though we bought it Tuesday night, the first available delivery date was today (!) & "anytime between 7 a.m & 6 p.m.," of course. Dh took the day off to stay home & wait, and it finally arrived around 11 a.m. Not quite sure how it's going to look (I think the wood colour is fine but I would have preferred a white marble-ish top), but I was under pressure to make up my mind…! What do you think?
StepBIL arrived late in the afternoon, tore out the old vanity & sink & set some floor tiles where the old one used to be. He'll be here bright & early tomorrow to resume work (grout floor tiles, paint, new toilet & new vanity). Dh & I will be going out for part of the morning (just as well, it gets awfully noisy in here sometimes when he's working...!). Our pg loss support group is holding a waterfront fundraising 5k walk/run. It's been going on for a few years now but this is the first year we'll take part (walking, NOT running!! & paying a flat entrance fee vs collecting pledges) -- at least, so long as the forecasted rain holds off...
Time to watch the U.S. presidential debate...! Happy Friday, & have a good weekend!
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
It could always be worse...
I've always said that -- no matter how much I may whine & complain about my life -- I thank the Powers That Be that I was born a woman at this particular time in history (late 20th century) and in this particular place (Canada), recognizing that the vast majority of the world's female population doesn't have it anywhere near as good as I do.
Granted, it's not fun or easy being childless & infertile -- but, as this article reminds us, those of us fortunate enough to live in North America still have it pretty darned good, all things considered...
Granted, it's not fun or easy being childless & infertile -- but, as this article reminds us, those of us fortunate enough to live in North America still have it pretty darned good, all things considered...
Where I've been lately...
The last few weeks have been a total madhouse chez Loribeth & dh. Let me describe some of what's been going on, topic by topic:
Babies: The weekend before last, we were at FIL's house -- and so was stepBIL-in-law (stepMIL's youngest son) and his wife, with their new baby boy. I brought a gift (Baby Gap) & even held him for awhile as he slept and his bursting-at-the-seams-with-pride grandmother & aunt fawned over him. Oddly enough, it did not faze me in the least.
Monday was my pregnant coworker's baby shower at the office. Somehow I got roped into helping organize it & take pictures, not to mention (another) trip to Baby Gap for a gift, & a trip to the liquor store to pick up a bottle of pink champagne (we knew it was girl) on behalf of one of the bosses. Again, it did not faze me (much). Going home on the commuter train that night, though, I couldn't help but notice two very pregnant women -- one across the aisle & one just down the aisle. THAT irritated me and made me want to rant about the injustice of the universe, for some reason.
Pg coworker's due date was Oct. 3rd. Her last day was originally supposed to be last Friday, then it got moved back to Wednesday… but Wednesday morning, we got an e-mail that her water had broken, & by noon, we had another e-mail (from her husband's BlackBerry), telling us where all the stuff she had been working on was, & by the way, she was 9 cm dilated & ready to push (!!). The baby (girl) was born about an hour later!
I had a laugh trying to explain the significance of having your water break to two of my (single, male) co-workers in their early 30s. The one guy was quite concerned because this was a few weeks earlier than due date -- was the baby going to have to be in an incubator? I said I really didn't think so, not at this point in the pregnancy. I tend to forget that not everyone is as well-informed about all this stuff as I am. And then I had to reflect ruefully on how it is that I know all this stuff when I don't have any (living) children to point to as evidence that I've earned my stripes…
And speaking of work...
Work: Year end activities are gearing up. I need to find my mojo, and fast. Enough said...!
Dh works in a trading job for a brokerage on Bay Street -- the Wall Street of Canada. As the old saying goes, when the U.S. sneezes, Canada catches a cold (or something like that…), so needless to say, the recent carnage on Wall Street has had repercussions here, & been pretty stressful & exhausting for him.
Of course not only is he dealing with a mess at work, he's also dealing with one at home:
Home: As I mentioned in a recent post, we are in the middle of a bathroom renovation. Our bathroom has early-80s beige fixtures, which I can live with, but the doors on the vanity keep falling off, the toilet sometimes runs (& runs… & runs…), & the tub has been rusting & mildewing. A few years back, it was leaking onto the floor of the linen closet behind it. Some new taps & caulking fixed that, but last winter, we noticed it a wet spot on the living room ceiling close to the wall, right below the tub. We recaulked the tub, but it immediately started leaking again. Dh finally agreed with me that more drastic action was called for. And so… bathroom reno!!
His stepbrother (the new dad) is doing the work for us. He has a small business doing this sort of work. He was here three days last week, during which he replaced the tub, tiled & grouted the walls, and stripped the old wallpaper. We haven't heard from him in a few days (even contractors who are "family" can act like typical contractors, it seems...!), but I think he was waiting for us to make our minds up on a vanity, which we ordered tonight & should arrive on Friday. (Speaking of stress...!) My mother is coming for (Canadian) Thanksgiving in mid-October, and is very scent sensitive to things like glue & paint smells -- so I want to have this done & the house well aired before she arrives.
It's times like these, when everything is covered in drywall dust, that I'm thankful we don't have small children running around the house! -- although I must admit, he has been amazingly tidy, cleaning things up as he goes. Thank goodness!
I'm hoping to post some before/during/after photos for a future Show & Tell... for now, if you'd like a peek at some of our choices, here are some links with pictures of the tub, wall tiles and accent border tiles. I'm planning on dark blue towels, shower curtain, bath mat, etc., to pick up the blue in the border tile. : ) The vanity we picked is a dark reddish-brown wood with a beige marbled look top which I'm hoping will look OK with the tiles on the wall as well as on the floor.
Travel: We spent last weekend visiting friends (fellow bereaved parents, who now have a toddler son) in a small city about a 1.5-2 hour drive away. Left Saturday morning, returned Sunday afternoon. They moved there six months ago & have been hounding us to come for a visit. She & I started comparing calendars back in June, & this was the first date we could come up with that was mutually agreeable (!).
We're very glad we went -- we had a really nice time. (And returned with a severe case of house envy, lol -- they have a two-year-old 2,700 foot four bedroom house with a kitchen/family room/eating area across the back of the house that is to die for.) I'd forgotten how refreshing even a little weekend getaway to visit friends can be. It seems silly, because of course we have no kids and few obligations to worry about -- there is no reason why we can't just take off for the weekend or a mini-vacation as the spirit moves us -- but it seems like we never do, at least, we haven't in the past several years. I'm hoping there will be more such trips in the near future.
Babies: The weekend before last, we were at FIL's house -- and so was stepBIL-in-law (stepMIL's youngest son) and his wife, with their new baby boy. I brought a gift (Baby Gap) & even held him for awhile as he slept and his bursting-at-the-seams-with-pride grandmother & aunt fawned over him. Oddly enough, it did not faze me in the least.
Monday was my pregnant coworker's baby shower at the office. Somehow I got roped into helping organize it & take pictures, not to mention (another) trip to Baby Gap for a gift, & a trip to the liquor store to pick up a bottle of pink champagne (we knew it was girl) on behalf of one of the bosses. Again, it did not faze me (much). Going home on the commuter train that night, though, I couldn't help but notice two very pregnant women -- one across the aisle & one just down the aisle. THAT irritated me and made me want to rant about the injustice of the universe, for some reason.
Pg coworker's due date was Oct. 3rd. Her last day was originally supposed to be last Friday, then it got moved back to Wednesday… but Wednesday morning, we got an e-mail that her water had broken, & by noon, we had another e-mail (from her husband's BlackBerry), telling us where all the stuff she had been working on was, & by the way, she was 9 cm dilated & ready to push (!!). The baby (girl) was born about an hour later!
I had a laugh trying to explain the significance of having your water break to two of my (single, male) co-workers in their early 30s. The one guy was quite concerned because this was a few weeks earlier than due date -- was the baby going to have to be in an incubator? I said I really didn't think so, not at this point in the pregnancy. I tend to forget that not everyone is as well-informed about all this stuff as I am. And then I had to reflect ruefully on how it is that I know all this stuff when I don't have any (living) children to point to as evidence that I've earned my stripes…
And speaking of work...
Work: Year end activities are gearing up. I need to find my mojo, and fast. Enough said...!
Dh works in a trading job for a brokerage on Bay Street -- the Wall Street of Canada. As the old saying goes, when the U.S. sneezes, Canada catches a cold (or something like that…), so needless to say, the recent carnage on Wall Street has had repercussions here, & been pretty stressful & exhausting for him.
Of course not only is he dealing with a mess at work, he's also dealing with one at home:
Home: As I mentioned in a recent post, we are in the middle of a bathroom renovation. Our bathroom has early-80s beige fixtures, which I can live with, but the doors on the vanity keep falling off, the toilet sometimes runs (& runs… & runs…), & the tub has been rusting & mildewing. A few years back, it was leaking onto the floor of the linen closet behind it. Some new taps & caulking fixed that, but last winter, we noticed it a wet spot on the living room ceiling close to the wall, right below the tub. We recaulked the tub, but it immediately started leaking again. Dh finally agreed with me that more drastic action was called for. And so… bathroom reno!!
His stepbrother (the new dad) is doing the work for us. He has a small business doing this sort of work. He was here three days last week, during which he replaced the tub, tiled & grouted the walls, and stripped the old wallpaper. We haven't heard from him in a few days (even contractors who are "family" can act like typical contractors, it seems...!), but I think he was waiting for us to make our minds up on a vanity, which we ordered tonight & should arrive on Friday. (Speaking of stress...!) My mother is coming for (Canadian) Thanksgiving in mid-October, and is very scent sensitive to things like glue & paint smells -- so I want to have this done & the house well aired before she arrives.
It's times like these, when everything is covered in drywall dust, that I'm thankful we don't have small children running around the house! -- although I must admit, he has been amazingly tidy, cleaning things up as he goes. Thank goodness!
I'm hoping to post some before/during/after photos for a future Show & Tell... for now, if you'd like a peek at some of our choices, here are some links with pictures of the tub, wall tiles and accent border tiles. I'm planning on dark blue towels, shower curtain, bath mat, etc., to pick up the blue in the border tile. : ) The vanity we picked is a dark reddish-brown wood with a beige marbled look top which I'm hoping will look OK with the tiles on the wall as well as on the floor.
Travel: We spent last weekend visiting friends (fellow bereaved parents, who now have a toddler son) in a small city about a 1.5-2 hour drive away. Left Saturday morning, returned Sunday afternoon. They moved there six months ago & have been hounding us to come for a visit. She & I started comparing calendars back in June, & this was the first date we could come up with that was mutually agreeable (!).
We're very glad we went -- we had a really nice time. (And returned with a severe case of house envy, lol -- they have a two-year-old 2,700 foot four bedroom house with a kitchen/family room/eating area across the back of the house that is to die for.) I'd forgotten how refreshing even a little weekend getaway to visit friends can be. It seems silly, because of course we have no kids and few obligations to worry about -- there is no reason why we can't just take off for the weekend or a mini-vacation as the spirit moves us -- but it seems like we never do, at least, we haven't in the past several years. I'm hoping there will be more such trips in the near future.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
"Just adopt," indeed....
Also in The Toronto Star earlier this week: a front-page feature article on how international adoptions from many countries are becoming increasingly difficult. The comments section includes some hot debates on all sides of the adoption issue.
Book/articles: "Nobody's Father"
This week, the Toronto Star is running excerpts from a new book called "Nobody's Father: Life Without Kids" -- a collection of essays by childless/free men. It appears to be a companion volume to a similar essay collection called "Nobody's Mother" (which is in my huge "to read" stack).
Today's essay is a by a father whose only son died of cancer as a teenager. Even though our circumstances are very different, there is much in his account of grief that I can relate to. Dh said he could totally relate to the line "bereaved parents have an indifference to life." As usual, the reader comments are highly interesting.
There are links to the previous two essays, and there will be more tomorrow & Friday. These men come at childless/free living from a variety of circumstances. I'm sure infertility & pregnancy loss are probably covered somewhere, but will have to find the book to find out for sure...!
Today's essay is a by a father whose only son died of cancer as a teenager. Even though our circumstances are very different, there is much in his account of grief that I can relate to. Dh said he could totally relate to the line "bereaved parents have an indifference to life." As usual, the reader comments are highly interesting.
There are links to the previous two essays, and there will be more tomorrow & Friday. These men come at childless/free living from a variety of circumstances. I'm sure infertility & pregnancy loss are probably covered somewhere, but will have to find the book to find out for sure...!
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