Show & Tell: Winter Wonderland

I didn't have to dream of a White Christmas; I actually had one. Which is nothing new, since I am from (& spend my Christmases in) a part of the world in which white Christmases are the norm. I can count on just a few fingers of one hand the number of Christmases I have had that were NOT white.

There was actually not a lot of snow when we first arrived -- but a few mornings into our trip, I woke up to find everything covered in hoarfrost. So pretty!!

Here is the view from my parents' front window of one of the neighbours' houses:


The huge mugho pine in the front yard:


It started snowing lightly on the night of Dec. 23rd. All through the day on Christmas Eve, the snowflakes continued to fall gently. Perfect.

And then we woke up on Christmas morning. I wouldn't call it a big blizzard -- I don't think we had anywhere near the amount of snow some people in the States had. But there was still snow. And it was blowing. Travel was not recommended. Thank goodness we were all safely together already.

In some parts of the yard, the snow drifted up quite high, depending on where the wind was blowing. Here's my dad using his favourite seasonal toy, his snowblower, to blow out the drifted snow on the back patio. You can see here how deep it got!


See what others are showing & telling this week at the Stirrup Queen's blog.

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By the way, I am still trying to catch up on my blog reading. Seems like no matter how long I sit at my computer lately, I never manage to crack the 700 unread posts mark. Eeeekk!!

A Christmas meme(s)

There have been a couple of cute Christmas memes going around, with some overlap. So I've done some combining & rearranging & voila! -- my One Big Christmas Meme. (Yes, I know, Christmas is over -- but I have Eastern European heritage, so I figure I get until Jan. 7th, lol.)

Egg nog or hot chocolate? Hot chocolate.

Do you like eggnog? I used to drink it (my grandmother made it), but haven't had it in years.

Wrapping paper or gift bags? I use both, but I love the look of a well-wrapped package.

Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? A mixture. The larger ones get wrapped, but things like toothbrushes, etc., go unwrapped into the stocking.

Real tree or artificial? Ours is artificial (we usually go away for the holidays & I wouldn't want to leave a real tree to dry out), but there is nothing quite like the real thing!!

When do you put up your tree/decorations? We try to do it the first weekend in December. Mom usually saves her tree for me to decorate when I get there, because she knows I love doing it.

How do you decorate your Christmas tree? White lights, gold bead garlands, ivory balls (which remind me of ones that Mom has) & then an assortment of ornaments collected through the years -- many of them Pooh or angel ornaments related to Katie. : ) I actually collect the classic Barbie ornaments that Hallmark puts out (the ones that look like the old-fashioned Barbies that my sister & I had), but I don't have room on the tree for them any more...!

Mom & Dad use the big old-fashioned coloured lights, & an assortment of ornaments that have been on our tree for years, dating back to when I was a baby. Bringing them out each year is one of my favourite Christmas traditions.

Colored lights or white lights? Our tree at home has the small white lights on it. Mom & Dad's has ancient coloured bulbs -- the big old-fashioned kind. Mom insists on having them. I think they remind her of her own childhood. I don't want to ask how old these are. I feel a little less nervous about them now that Mom & Dad have an artificial tree.

What tops your tree? An angel that we bought the first year we had a tree.

Mom & Dad have an old silver & red aluminum star with a hole in the centre for a Christmas light to go through that is as old or even older than I am. Every year Dad wants to get rid of it & every year Mom & I say no. Mom found a very similar one at a garage sale one year & wrapped it up & gave it to my Dad as a gag gift, lol. I appropriated it & we used it on our tree for a few years, but the connecting wires to it looked so old that I decided it was best we go back to the angel.

When do you take the tree down? Usually the first weekend in January. Although I figure I have until Jan. 7th (Orthodox Christmas). ; ) Or even Jan. 13th, which my Mom says is a Swedish holiday called "Little Christmas." (Yes, I am part Scandinavian too.)

Do you hang mistletoe? I have a couple of plastic mistletoe balls that I hang in the doorways to the kitchen & living room.

Do you have a Nativity scene? Sadly, no. I have been looking for one for years but I either don't like them or don't like the price tag. I am leaning towards splurging on the Willow one, though -- it's beautiful.

Mail or e-mail Christmas cards? Mail. This is the first year I haven't had my cards done before Christmas. I'll be doing them this week before I go back to work.

What is your favorite holiday dish? Mom's stuffing & gravy. I could care less about the mashed potatoes, just give me the stuffing & gravy, lol. I also love the cranberry-orange relish. Legend has it that when I was a toddler, I was literally caught red-handed, reaching up to the table & stuffing handfuls into my mouth.

Favorite holiday memory as a child? Waiting for my Grandpa to come (& all the presents he'd bring, lol). Also, the year I was in university & my parents gave me a stereo. I'd been bugging them forever about a stereo, but I never really thought they'd get me one. (I still have it! -- turntable & all...)

Most annoying thing about this time of year? The crowds everywhere, & how rude & short-tempered people can get sometimes.

Worst Christmas ever? I can't think of one that sticks out as really, really "bad." Christmas 1998 was obviously the saddest, as both my expected baby girl & my beloved grandfather -- whom I'd spent every Christmas of my life with -- were not there.

When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? Lori S. told me when we were both in Grade 3. I don't remember it being a huge shock. I probably had my suspicions already.

But I've never said that I don't believe. And he still keeps coming, lol.

Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? We open ALL our gifts on Christmas Eve (except the ones that Santa brings). My grandmother was Swedish & that is their custom. When we were kids, we were allowed to open one gift before dinner (just to keep us quiet, lol). The rule was always that we had to eat dinner & finish washing the dishes before we could start opening presents.

Snow! Love it or dread it? Well, I honestly believe it wouldn't be Christmas without some snow on the ground. But believe me, by late January, the thrill is definitely gone...!

Can you ice skate? I can! At least, I could, lol. (I think it's a requirement of Canadian citizenship, lol.) I don't think I've put on skates in more than 25 years, but I'm sure it would come back to me if I got out there again. I've roller skated since the last time I ice skated (although I haven't done THAT in many, many years either...!) & it wasn't too hard to get used to. I learned to skate on a backyard rink in a pair of borrowed hockey skates when I was about 3, & I took figure skating for several years when I was a kid.

When do you start shopping for Christmas? The intentions are always good, but I rarely get started before December.

Have you ever recycled a gift? I don't think so. I may have passed along some extra chocolate I've been given. Some have gone to Goodwill after an appropriate interval.

Do you remember your favorite gift? See "Favourite holiday memory," above.

Hardest person to buy for? My dad.

Easiest person to buy for? My sister.

What do you want for Christmas this year? I didn't have much of a list. Most of what I REALLY want I will buy for myself. I love pretty sweaters & I always get a few of those.

Travel at Christmas or stay at home? Travel. I've managed to spend every Christmas of my life with my family so far. Knock wood!!

What's the most important thing about the holidays for you? Being together with my family & just enjoy our time together, indulging in our family traditions.

What is your favorite holiday dessert? Love my Mom's shortbread.

Candy canes…good or bad? Love them. I used to buy a box & use them as tree decorations (& then eat them off the tree, lol).

What is your favorite holiday tradition? I love them all!

Which do you prefer: giving or receiving? I have fun giving (especially when I really hit the mark with my gift)... but I will admit, it's also fun to receive!

Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Yes.

What's the weather usually like where you live on Christmas Eve? We are usually with my parents on Christmas Eve... and it is almost guaranteed that there will be snow. I could probably count the number of Christmases I've had without snow on just a few fingers of one hand. (This year, there was snow on Christmas Eve which turned into a snowSTORM on Christmas Day.)

What is your favorite Christmas song? I love Christmas music... a few favourites would include "The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)".... "I'll Be Home for Christmas"... "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas." Of the traditional carols, probably "Silent Night."

Saddest Christmas song? I love "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" (especially as sung by Judy Garland) but if you listen to it or see it in the movie ("Meet Me in St. Louis"), gosh, it's sad. Of the traditional carols, I find it hard to sing or listen to "Away in a Manger" these days, for obvious reasons...

Favorite Christmas show? TV show: A Charlie Brown Christmas (bring on the Kleenex). Movie: tough one: "It's a Wonderful Life," "A Christmas Story" & I also like "The Bishop's Wife" (the original b&w with Cary Grant, David Niven & Loretta Young).

History repeating itself

Exactly 30 (!!) years ago, December 1979, I was just finishing up the first semester of my first year at university. All my classes ended early in December, like around Dec. 4th. No exams, all my term papers were done.

I went home to my family. I had a whole month before I had to return, & the time stretched out ahead of me like a huge blank slate. What to do with myself? My sister was still in high school, which wasn't finished for another 2-3 weeks, and many of my best friends were also her friends, in the same school. Many of the friends from my own class were still away at university. My mother was working part-time. I was afraid I'd be bored just hanging around the house. And I figured some extra money might be nice to have.

So I went to the local mall, where I'd had a part-time job in Grade 12, working at Woolco (which was bought out by Walmart some years later), found my old boss & asked whether they'd need any help over the next few weeks.

Be careful what you wish for. They hired me on the spot, full-time hours for the Christmas season. I worked in the hardware department (my old stomping grounds, ludicrous as it may seem...!) & the sporting goods department (even more so...!). It was right next to the music department, which played the same Barbra Streisand Christmas album over & over & over & over again. I like Streisand, but to this day, I cannot hear her singing "Jingle Bells" without wanting to climb a wall.

On the first business day after the holidays, they put me on cash at one of the front checkouts for the Boxing Day sale. I gained huge sympathy that day for harried clerks dealing with long lineups of frazzled customers & bargain seekers who question every price that gets keyed in. I collected my paycheque before I headed back to school & vowed that I would never do THAT again. Christmastime is to be enjoyed!!

Needless to say, I wish I had listened more carefully to my younger self. Although, to be fair to myself, when I agreed to do a freelance proofreading project last fall, I never dreamed I would still be working on it at Christmastime. I was first approached about the project -- a book -- back in late September (!). Back & forth we went with e-mails. I got a preliminary copy & supplied a quote in early/mid-November. I didn't actually get the go-ahead & receive the finished manuscript to read until Nov. 30th -- and by then, of course, I was waist-deep in year-end madness at my day job & running around with Christmas preparations & events in the evening.

I was pretty accurate with my estimate of how long it would take to read the book itself -- but then I was asked to also check the index. I vastly underestimated the amount of time THAT would take. I finished reading the manuscript late last night, & sent it back (with an invoice) today -- just as the work week winds down, and holidays at my parents looms on the not-so-distant horizon.

So between my actual job, this additional project, and the wonderful madness that is the Christmas season, I have been extremely busy and highly stressed for the past several weeks. Last weekend I was on the go from the moment I got up until I collapsed in bed later that night. I didn't turn on my computer at home for four full days (a new record for me, I think...!). My blog reader's unread post totals have reached previously unfathomable heights (& I'm sorry if I've missed out on some news you've had to share). I've been crying at the drop of a hat (although I tend to do that anyway at this sentimental time of year).

But I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Three more sleeps, & the holidays await. I can't wait to sleep in, to catch up on my reading (blogs & books), & to eat my Mom's fabulous turkey with stuffing & gravy.

And, maybe when I get back, a nice fat freelancing cheque will be waiting for me. I am going to thoroughly enjoy that!

Bah humbug, continued

So many blog posts in my head; so little time. It has been a busy week at work &, with a key date coming up on Tuesday, next week will likely be more of the same. This weekend, I've also been working on a freelance project that I was first contacted about in September (!) & thought would be long over by now. Less than two weeks before I see my family, & I have not bought one Christmas gift or addressed one card. :(

Dh & I did, however, get the tree put up & decorated yesterday, while listening to Christmas music on the stereo -- so all is not completely Scrooge around here.

Which reminds me, we went to see the new version of "A Christmas Carol" last week, in which Jim Carrey plays Scrooge (as well as the Ghosts of Christmases Past, Present & Future). I've seen quite a few different versions of the story & this one ranks right up there. (It's done in a semi-animated style, a la "The Polar Express.") Of course, it's such a powerful story in any format, & I will admit to needing Kleenex at several points.

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It's December 6th, which is a significant date in Canada. Today, it's known as Canada's National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence against Women. That's because, 20 years ago today, Mark Lepine burst into an engineering classroom at the Ecole Polytechnique in Montreal, separated the women from the men, accused them of being "feminists" & opened fire. Fourteen promising young lives were cut short before Lepine turned his gun on himself.

I remember that day -- which eventually became known as "the Montreal Massacre" -- all too well, watching the news reports on TV that night, the growing horror of the realization that the women had been singled out as targets. There have been some excellent articles in the newspapers over the past few days looking back on the event, & on the lessons learned (and, sadly, forgotten). The one that touched me most deeply was featured on the front page of ysterday's Toronto Star. Before the shooting started, Nathalie Provost spoke up. She told him, "We're not feminists."

Provost was one of the lucky four who survived. "At the time, I thought to be a feminist meant you had to be militant," says Provost... She was the young woman who, from her hospital bed a couple days later, urged Canadian girls to not be frightened by the event and to pursue engineering careers. She was also my introduction to feminism in life, not just theory. And to the concept that the personal is political.

"I realized many years later that in my life and actions, of course I was a feminist. I was a woman studying engineering and I held my head up."

I've always been proud to call myself a feminist, and found her words heartwarming. It's a great article. Read the rest of it here.

Perfect Moment Monday: A perfect (Canadian) moment

Here are the elements that added up to my perfect (and perfectly Canadian) moment last night:

* Watching the 97th annual Grey Cup -- the storied annual championship game of the Canadian Football League (AKA "the Grand National Drunk").

* Cheering for the Saskatchewan Roughriders vs the Montreal Alouettes (I lived in Saskatchewan 1963-69)(we'll conveniently overlook the fact that they LOST, & in the dumbest, most awful way in the very last seconds of the game...).

* A stadium full of delirious Saskatchewan fans (the most rabid in the league, clad in green & white & sporting watermelons on their heads)(don't ask...). (Here's an explanatory video clip, if you really want to know know...)

* Blue Rodeo, one of Canada's most beloved bands, playing the halftime show, singing three songs voted on by the fans: "Till I Am Myself Again," "Hasn't Hit Me Yet," and "Lost Together."

* Putting down my ironing, grabbing my dh & slowdancing together in the living room, singing along. ("Try" -- which they didn't play -- is one of "our" songs.)

* Seeing the fans on the field & in the stands doing the same thing.

Life doesn't get much more perfect than that. And I think the only thing that would have made it an even more Canadian moment would have been some snowflakes in the air, lol. (Don't worry, they're coming...)

For more Perfect Moments, visit Weebles Wobblog.

Radio segment: Infertility's double whammy

A friend who has had her own struggles with pregnancy loss (but is now the proud mom of a 4-year-old boy) recently sent me the link to a podcast from the BBC Woman's Hour radio program, on a topic she knew would be of interest to me: "Grandchildlessness: Infertility's double whammy." (Ah, yes -- so much to (NOT) look forward to...!!) I thought the interviewer & the guests hit all the right notes:

• the continuing bonds one feels to children who are dead, or who never arrived in the first place;
• how you live with infertility every day of your life, whether or not you ultimately succeed at building a family;
• how the pain rises up at various, often unexpected times;
• the ugliness of envying others for their families.

Have a listen, here. It's about 10 minutes long. (And if you do, tell me: is there a pink cartoon sheep icon on your screen?? Gave me a chuckle...)

If I'd known then...

(Photo: Our nephews -- older, left, & younger, right, wearing their Team Italia World Cup soccer T-shirts -- in June 2006 in their Nonno's garden.) 

Last Saturday night, dh & I met up at FIL's house with his brother, our SIL & their youngest son, who is (gulp) 17 & applying for university for next year. His older brother -- who will be 21 (21!! & "legal" everywhere!!) in just a few short weeks -- was out with his GIRLFRIEND. (We were supposed to meet her at Thanksgiving, but she had her own family obligations -- or so we were told, lol.) 

I marvelled, not for the first time and not (I'm sure) for the last, at what wonderful young men our nephews are growing up to be. (Not to mention good looking.)(Is there just the slightest chance that I could be a TEENY tiny bit prejudiced??) And at how quickly the years fly by. 

One of my big regrets about the years I spent dealing with loss & infertility is that, by focusing so much on my own baby drama, I may have missed out on some precious opportunities to connect with our nephews when they were younger. Now, overall, I think we've been a good aunt & uncle to them. We've been there for every one of older nephew's birthdays & most of younger nephew's. We give generous presents for birthdays & Christmas, & slip them the odd $10 or $20 when we see them. We make a point of getting together at least every couple of weeks. 

And we were there beside BIL & SIL when older nephew graduated from high school three years ago. Curiously, neither set of grandparents seemed interested. I was dumbfounded, remembering the special celebration my parents hosted for my own high school graduation. I was glad to be able to make a bit of a fuss over nephew's. 

And I've taken photos. Lots & lots of photos of both of them over the years. I have probably taken 98% of the photos that exist of those two boys. Dh & I gave BIL & SIL a camera for Christmas just after older nephew was born, but they never seemed to use it much -- something I just couldn't fathom. I grew up in a family where, long before digital cameras or scrapbooking, my grandmother & mother would say, "Get the camera!" My childhood was perhaps not quite as well documented as many children's are today, but there ARE photos. There aren't many of dh & his brother growing up. Different culture, perhaps -- plus, there wasn't a lot of money around in their family for things like photos. And many of the photos that did get taken got sent to relatives in Italy. 

So I've been the "family photographer." Haven't been around for their first day of school or Halloween or numerous everyday moments -- but I've been there for the main stuff -- birthdays and first communions and confirmations and family picnics. Since taking up scrapbooking several years ago, I've been working on scrapbooks for both the boys. Older nephew has two volumes, taking him up to his 5th birthday, & younger nephew has one that's entirely made of photos of his first year. I was tickled to hear they've actually shown them to their friends. I wasn't sure what they would think -- being teenaged boys -- but I figured that their mom & maybe their future wives would love them. ; ) 

And we had youngest nephew overnight when he was about 10. He was playing little league baseball that summer, & he and his teammates got free tickets to a Sunday afternoon Blue Jays game. He wanted to go, but neither BIL or SIL could take him. So they called and asked dh if he would take him. We talked about the logistics involved, & nephew piped up, "Maybe I could sleep over." Dh & I looked at each other & said, "Of course you can!" I think he was curious about us & how we lived. 

We met up with his family at FIL's on the Saturday & took him home with us. I took him over to the dollar store & told him he could have anything he wanted. He chose a small hackysack ball for exactly one dollar & played with it all weekend. That night, we all sat on the couch watching "South Park" (a bad choice in retrospect -- although nephew swore his parents let him watch it -- there was a Terrence & Phillip storyline in which they mentioned -- ahem -- "so.do.my". "What's that?" asked nephew. Dh told him to ask his parents, lol.) "So -- this is what you do?" nephew asked. I think he thought our life would be more exciting, lol. (Me too, sometimes.) 

The next day dh took him on the train into the city & to the SkyDome (whoops, Rogers Centre) for the game. He realized their seats were in the nosebleed section, & when he overheard someone at the ticket window asking if they could trade up their seats, he thought, "Great idea!" They got seats in the 100 section behind first base. As they walked into the stadium, in time to watch batting practice, nephew whispered to dh, "It feels like we're walking into heaven!!" They arrived home just ahead of BIL & SIL & older nephew, coming to pick younger nephew up. He was beaming, bearing player autographs, a bobblehead doll, a pennant, cap & other paraphernalia. "Best $100 I ever spent, " dh told me. 

But. I don't always feel as close to them as I'd like to. Part of that is my natural reserve, and their natural shyness, especially around girls (of all ages). Part of that, I think, is because they're boys. I loved playing with them when they were little and, for awhile, I KNOW I was their favourite. ; ) But as they got older and their play grew more rough-&-tumble, they naturally gravitated more to dh. I found I related much better to dh's cousin's little girls -- we could play board games & Barbie dolls together for hours. 

While we did have youngest nephew stay overnight that one time, I never had older nephew overnight, or both of them together. I thought about it, but it never came to fruition -- and then, poof! They were teenagers, & weren't really interested anymore (if they ever were). Partly because we have a small house & I'd have to clear off the bed in the spare bedroom ; ) but mostly, I think, because the responsibility terrified me. FIL & stepMIL (who live a 15-minute drive from us) had them for several weekends when they were growing up, & dh & I would often step in & take the boys out for awhile to give them a break. Dh took them to Toys R Us once -- ONCE!! (a memorable experience!! -- I warned him!!) -- & we took them to McDonalds and Swiss Chalet for dinner several times. We babysat them when their parents went to weddings. 

I think about my own relationships with my aunts & uncles, and great-aunts & uncles. There are some I'm closer to than others, some I saw more than others (& not always a correlation between the two factors). When I was younger, though, I think I took the relationships for granted. Aunts & uncles were just THERE. I didn't live close to any of my aunts & uncles until I was a teenager, but I still managed to see them several times a year, especially during holidays and at the usual family weddings & such. It wasn't until I got older that I think I really started to appreciate the relationships & truly look forward to seeing them, to sitting at the table with them over dinner or coffee & listening to their stories of the past and of relatives long gone now. I'm thinking (hoping?) that may well be the case with our nephews, too. 

But. 

If I could take those years back, I'd make more of an effort. I'd have them both over for more sleepovers, to dye Easter eggs and carve Halloween pumpkins. I'd make sure we showed up at oldest nephew's karate graduation, & younger nephew's baseball games. I'm sorry we didn't make it to either when they were growing up. I kept thinking those would be things I'd do with my own kids, so I didn't place as much importance on doing them with the nephews first. And now it's too late. 

I hope they will think fondly enough of us to look in on us once in awhile when we're old & in the personal care home, and maybe invite us over for Thanksgiving and Christmas. We had a good time last Saturday night at FIL's. Some Saturday nights, it seems we spend more time watching the hockey game on TV than talking, but that night, there were lots of stories, lots of laughs, lots of talk about younger nephew's future. I had saved the recent Macleans university rankings issue for him, & he sat at the table flipping through it. When we left that night, we hugged, as usual. But nephew gave me a big smile, and I thought there was a touch of something more than just the obligatory in his hug. 

Maybe there's hope for some visitors in the old folks' home yet. : )