Book: "Enlightened Sexism" by Susan J. Douglas

Susan J. Douglas has a real knack for using pointed examples from pop culture to illustrate her arguments -- which generally focus on feminist-related themes.

About 15 years ago, I stumbled onto her book Where the Girls Are, which analyzed how women have been portrayed in mass media. How could I resist a book that discussed all my childhood cultural icons -- including Mary Ann & Ginger ("Gilligan's Island"), Samantha Stevens ("Bewitched), I Dream of Jeannie and Ann Marie ("That Girl") -- as serious subjects of study, not to mention from a feminist angle?

So when I saw that she had a new book out, I scooped it up and read it while I was visiting my parents recently. "Enlightened Sexism: The Seductive Message That Feminism's Work is Done" once again uses examples from pop culture to make Douglas's point -- which is, as the jacket of the book describes:

"Revisiting cultural touchstones from Buffy the Vampire Slayer to Survivor to Desperate Housewives, Douglas exposes the women in these shows as mere fantasies of female power, assuring women and girls that the battle for equality has been won, so there’s nothing wrong with resurrecting sexist stereotypes—all in good fun, of course. She shows that these portrayals not only distract us from the real-world challenges facing women today but also drive a wedge between baby-boom women and their “millennial” daughters."

I grew up in the 1960s & 1970s, proud to call myself a feminist (then & now). I've found it disheartening that many younger women today tend to shy away from the "f" word and seem unaware of both how far we've come & how far we still have to go. Douglas makes a compelling (albeit sometimes convoluted) case for how the media has helped to bring this situation about.

Of course, I was particularly interested in Douglas's observations about the media's current fascination with pregnancy and babies,as well as its portrayal of childless women. On p. 245, she writes that "hypernatalism... has become thermonuclear." Later, on p. 259, in a chapter about the rise of celebrity culture, she says:

"Losing your man is a tragedy, but remaining childless is a thermonuclear disaster. It's as if the makers of Pampers, Gerber's, and Legos owned these magazines. Babies are always "a bundle of joy," only produce "baby bliss," bring "new meaning to life," and make the man love the mother "even more now than he did before." Babies always bring couples "closer together." Clearly, no projectile vomiting, sleep deprivation, thwarted adult conversations, or fights over whose turn it is to go to the playground in these households. If you have twins, you get "Twin Bliss!" "Twins are double the work but twice the fun," confides In Touch; here, Charlie Sheen, former party animal and client of Hollywood hooker Heidi Fleiss, announces, "The Twins Made Me a Better Man."

After a discussion of "the hypernatalism of celebrity journalism," and the "bump patrol," she observes:

"...pregnancy has now become compulsory for female stars: they must have a baby to fulfill what is allegedly every woman's dream to be a mother. If they don't have children yet, we are assured they desperately want to in the future. If they have one, when is the next one coming? If they have two, what about three? Julia Roberts was constantly hounded about having kids until her twins arrived. George Clooney, by contrast, is not hounded about when he will reproduce. Jennifer Aniston's breakup with Brad Pitt was blamed on her alleged refusal to have children, as was her breakup with Vince Vaughn. We are back to the 1950s -- you are not a real woman if you don't have kids."

Douglas's argument tends to take some convoluted twists & turns at times and, as one reviewer I read said, I sometimes felt like I was being bombarded with one example after another. Nevetheless, it's an interesting theory and, as with her previous book, it's fun to get a new take on your favourite old shows.

Douglas has authored another book: The Mommy Myth. It has long been on my "to read" list. I have some more vacation time coming up shortly -- perhaps it's time to unearth this one from the depths of the pile...!

Book: "Bright-Sided" by Barbara Ehrenreich

A few months ago, I blogged about seeing Barbara Ehrenreich on Jon Stewart's The Daily Show, promoting her new book, "Bright-Sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America." I bought the book when it came out & finally got around to reading it while I was visiting my parents recently.

Ehrenreich illustrates her thesis through a series of examples, beginning with her own diagnosis of breast cancer some years ago. This is, perhaps, the part of the book that holds the most relevance -- and is of most interest -- for those of us who have dealt with infertility &/or pregnancy loss, or any kind of illness or medical condition.

She traces the history of positive thinking in American culture, and particularly its impact on American corporate culture -- moving through Dale Carnegie & Norman Vincent Peale to "The Secret" and the "prosperity gospel" preached by the likes of Joel Osteen and, finally, an examination of how an over-reliance on positive thinking may have contributed to the recent near-collapse of the global economy. There were people who recognized that their bank's subprime mortgage portfolios were crap and about to go down the toilet, but nobody wanted to spoil the party by speaking up -- and the few who did so either found their words falling on deaf ears ("lalalala....") or out of a job.

I have thought a lot about this book as I've read the headlines about the BP oil disaster in the Gulf of Mexico. Nobody seems to know how to fix the damned thing, because it appears that nobody gave serious consideration to the possibility that there might be negative consequences to their plans. Naysayers were drowned out by the chants of "drill, baby, drill." Ehrenreich isn't advocating that we all become Debbie Downers -- just that a healthy dose of skepticism and critical thinking might be in order.

As I mentioned above, some chapters were more interesting than others, & the book did drag a little in the middle. If you're not sure this book appeals to you, you might want to borrow it from the library or wait for the paperback before dropping $23 ($29.50 Canadian). Nevertheless, I found it to be a fascinating read, and an argument that made a lot of sense, for the most part.

The Golden Girls & childfree living

I was sad to hear that Rue McClanahan passed away recently. I loved "The Golden Girls," & I also loved her long before that in "Maude" (also with Bea Arthur). Long before "Sex & the City," "The Golden Girls" formed a fab female foursome.

The older I get, the more I appreciate the example set by the show -- rarely seen, before or since on TV -- the message that older women can be funny and, yes, even sexy. And I love the idea of women banding together for reasons of both finance & friendship -- taking care of each other.

An inevitable fear of childless women, of course, is "What will happen to me when I grow old? Who will take care of me?" Statistics being what they are, most of us marry men who are older than we are, & women outlive men. While we hope that friends & relatives will look out for us, the fact is that (even if we do have children!), most of us will wind up living alone at some point in our lives.

One of the first Internet havens I discovered after making the wrenching decision to stop infertility treatments & live childless/free (almost nine years ago now) was a childless living message board (now defunct). Several of us moved over to a private board some years ago, where we remain in touch. I don't remember who had the original idea, but it became a standing joke (or maybe not so much of a joke?) that when we were old & grey and our husbands had gone, we would all buy a house together, hire a housekeeper (& maybe a hot young cabana boy, lol) & live together like "The Golden Girls." The gal who posted all the yummy posts about food was elected cook, the one who was renovating her house was the designated handyman/person & so on.

We voted on who among us would be Dorothy and who would take on the role of Blanche, etc. (I would love to be Dorothy -- I loved her snappy comebacks & caustic wit -- but I'm afraid there's too much Scandinavian/Minnesotan in me -- I suspect I'm thoroughly Rose, lol.)

It's not really a bad idea, though, is it?

Article: "We want kids for selfish reasons"

After reading so many snide comments about the "selfishness" of childless/free people, it's nice to read an article (albeit by a non-parent -- so far...) by someone who examines the reasons for having children, & concludes that people become parents for selfish reasons.

It's actually a pretty interesting article -- by a young guy -- examining the reasons why people become parents. It's not often that you get people articulating just WHY they became parents (assuming they consciously chose parenthood & it didn't choose them).

Read the article, & tell me what you think!

New design!

Trying out one of the new design templates from Blogger! What do you think?

Ad nauseam...

My jaw dropped one recent morning en route to work. We had the radio on and there was an ad -- for a local infertility clinic! I'd heard of clinics advertising in the States, but I had never heard such an ad myself. Until now.

And it was just as bad & cliched as you'd expect/fear. It starts with a baby's giggle & then a cloying female voice talking about the clinic... and how the nice people there "explained everything -- after that, it was a piece of cake."

"PIECE OF CAKE?!?!?!" I practically shouted at the radio (and, unfortunately, into poor dh's ear). Yep, that's exactly what she said.

Now, I can think of many descriptions for my infertility clinic experience -- but "piece of cake" is definitely NOT one of them. And I can't think of too many (if any) other IF-ers I know who would use that term either. Sheesh.

On the flip side of the coin -- there's a great article on Salon.com right now about an innovative infertility ad campaign -- which Julie at A Little Pregnant wrote about awhile back. (She's quoted in the article.)

Do yourself a favour -- don't read the comments (sigh...)... although you're actually forewarned in the article itself, lol. Sample quote:

"The assumption persists that every (married) woman will have a child, even those who aren't interested. So you can imagine how that might feel for those who are. But, then, articles about infertility online, for one, often elicit ungenerous commentary that basically boils down to "boo-fucking-hoo." Our nation's collective pop-culture "bump watch" being on permanent orange alert (what Rebecca Traister called "pregnancy porn") doesn't help, either.

"Speaking of culture, it's not overflowing with positive, nuanced or compassionate images of women struggling to conceive or seeking fertility treatment. (One word: "octo-mom.") Also, if you totally forgot that there was a dramedy about a fertility clinic on NBC called "Inconceivable," good."

Thank you, Emily, for posting about this article on Facebook!

Yes, I'm still here...!

I've been sidetracked these last few weeks... first, a week at home ("home" in this case being Mom & Dad's) to attend Parents' Neighbours' Daughter's wedding... and then the past week recovering from it, lol. Also, I bought a new computer -- a laptop, my first! -- to replace my aging seven-year-old desktop. My sister's techno-whiz boyfriend/partner/whatever recommended a model that was on sale for an excellent price at one of the national chains, & I've spent a few hours almost every night of the last week on the phone with him, getting it set up, transferring over my data & programs from my old PC, etc.

So I'm behind (again) on blog reading & (most definitely) writing -- although I have a long list of potential subjects -- some of them rapidly becoming out of date. They include:

• the wedding;
• the books I read on my vacation (which included Enlightened Sexism by Susan Douglas and Bright-Sided by Barbara Ehrenreich);
• celebrity pregnancies (Celine Dion & Kelly Preston);
• maternal health & our Prime Minister's attempts to make it an issue at the upcoming G8 conference
• various memorable newspaper articles & posts by other bloggers that recently caught my eye;
• genealogy and childlessness;
• Elena Kagan, the Supreme Court & childlessness;
• "The Golden Girls";
• a recent incident in my neighbourhood & what it reminded me about being childless here;
• stuff going on at work.

More to come, soon. I promise!