Wednesday, January 9, 2013

2012 Year in review

I didn't get this post finished in time for New Year's Eve (or even New Year's Day, for that matter) -- but since I'm half Ukrainian, I'm claiming I have until Jan. 13th/14th (Ukrainian New Year, or Malanka, based on the old Julian calendar).  : )  I was brought up in a part of Canada where there were lots of us of Ukrainian descent, and when I was in university, we had an annual Ukrainian New Year's social, complete with a polka band... those of Uk. heritage who had the full costumes wore them, and those who could do the traditional Uk/Cossack-style dancing, did.  (In what's known as a kolomyka, everyone joins hands in a big circle while the solo dancers take turns trying to outdo each other.)  Despite my maiden name, I fell into neither category ; ) but it was always a great party anyway.  

I started doing this year-end meme two years ago... although some of the answers don't seem to change much from year to year, it's a great way to look back and keep track (even if it is a little late this year..!). Feel free to use on your own blog (& let me know if you do!).

1. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

As I have said in the past, I generally don't make new year's resolutions anymore -- they tend to be pretty much the same, year after year. So here are the perennials, and the progress I made in 2012 I(or not...!):
  • Lose weight. (Afraid not)
  • Exercise more. (And hopefully lose more weight...!)  -- Really slacked off on the walking this year... this is one resolution I hope I will do better on in 2012 -- once the weather gets nicer, at least...! 
  • Write more in my journal (blog??). Haven't written in my paper journal in years. Blogging: not quite as many posts as I wrote in 2011, but almost. Not bad, I think. 
  • Read more of the books that have piled up around the house. (Need to do better at this... the faster I read, the more I buy, it seems... yikes!) Read fewer than 10 books this year -- my teenaged self would NEVER have believed it. :p
  • Tackle some of the clutter that never seems to go away. ("Some" being the operative word...) Took several more boxes of stuff to Goodwill this spring... but there is still scope to do much more...!
  • Finally do something with the spare bedroom that was to have been the nursery (get new furniture & linens to replace the old castoffs). I did get a new bedding set in 2011, but still have the old furniture.
  • Set aside the nephews' scrapbooks for awhile, & start a scrapbook for dh & me (that will hopefully be finished in time for our 25th anniversary in 2010). And maybe (finally) start Katie's, too. Sadly, have not done any scrapbooking since fall 2009. 
2. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?

Went to Kingston (Ontario, not Jamaica -- for our wedding anniversary -- what took us so long??). 

Gave myself a top rating in one category on my annual performance appraisal, for the first time in 26 years. ; ) I am normally not much given to self-promotion, but in this particular case, I felt I deserved it. Happily, my boss agreed. ; )

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Several new babies in the extended family, albeit none too close. Several of my friends & cousins also became GRANDPARENTS.  (!!)

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Thankfully (& knocking wood), no one close-close. Probably the closest was my father's half-sister, the last of his three half-siblings to die. I think she was about 90, so she had lived a good long life. I hadn't seen her in well over 20 years (sadly, because of a silly, lingering family feud), but she was certainly part of my rapidly disappearing childhood. It brought home to me how quickly my aunts & uncles (& parents -- and ME) are aging -- my dad's oldest brother will be 85 this year, and his older sister -- my aunt and godmother, who has been extremely good to me over the years -- will turn 80.

5. What countries did you visit?

Sadly, I didn't leave Canada this year.

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?

As in past years, more time (& energy)... a sunspot vacation : ) ... and a greater sense of self-confidence would be welcome.

7. What date(s) from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Dec. 21, the apocalypse that wasn't. ; )  Dec. 14th, the tragedy that was. :( 

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Probably just hanging in there...!

9. What was your biggest failure?

As I've written in past years, so many things that needed to be done around the house -- projects both large & small -- remain untouched. I did get a few crossed off the list, but it's a LONG list. :p 

Also, I did not pick up walking again while the weather was nice, nor lose any meaningful amount of weight. :p

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Nothing serious, thankfully. I did have a couple of bad colds, after a couple of years of excellent health in that respect. (I have dodged the nasty flu bug that seems to be going around -- so far!)

11. What was the best thing you bought?

No major purchases. I bought some really great books, though. ; )

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

Our two nephews (now in their 20s) have both grown up to be kind-hearted, thoughtful and funny young men. I am so proud of them. : )

Queen Elizabeth II. Whatever you think about the institution of monarchy in general, you have to admit, she has done an excellent job within its parameters, and has rarely put a wrong foot forward (unlike some members of her extended family). For SIXTY years!! I think the celebration was merited.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

Last year I mentioned politicians on both sides of the border. I'm afraid they haven't done much to improve my opinion. :p 

14. Where did most of your money go?

Beyond the essentials of daily living, and savings (retirement now looming on the horizon), our biggest indulgence is probably reading materials -- books & magazines.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

The Olympics and Canada's great performances there. One of my cubicle neighbours at work had a cousin in the men's eights rowing final, which took place on a work day at 7:30 a.m. Toronto time. We took an early train to work and I arrived in the office and turned on the TV set JUST as the starting gun sounded. There I was, jumping up & down and cheering and shouting "YESSSS!!" in the middle of the office. Nobody else was around, thank goodness ; ) -- although they probably would have been cheering alongside of me!  We watched a few events en masse, when there was a Canadian in medal contention. That was fun. : )

PNGD/The Princess. : )  So frickin' adorable. : )

16. What song will always remind you of 2012?

"Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen. (I'm rather sick of it, especially since it was already ubiquitous in Canada before it became a monster hit in the States -- but it was certainly dominant.)

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?

(a) slightly less happy :p (b) probably more or less the same :p (c) slightly richer -- gotta keep saving for retirement...!

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

In retrospect, I wish I had gone to my cousin's 50th birthday in the fall of 2011. (Yes, I know that was 2011, but bear with me.)  She & I were born the same year;  her mother (my mother's cousin) is one of my godmothers;  we spent a lot of time together as kids, visiting our grandmothers in the summer.  There were a dozen reasons why I didn't think I could go, all of which seemed valid at the time:  it was right at year end (a busy time at work), I would have had to fly, just for a weekend, which is expensive and something I am not in the habit of doing, I wouldn't be missed in the crowd of celebrants, etc. 

This spring, she was diagnosed with cancer. She has been going through chemo, radiation and surgery ever since then, while still holding down a demanding job. 

We all like to think there will be a "next time." Sometimes there is -- but sometimes there isn't. I hope there will be many more "next times" for us to get together.  We need to learn to say "yes" to those opportunities to be with family and friends more often (and there were other such missed opportunities in 2012, although none I regret quite so much), and make them happen, even if they seem inconvenient or too much effort. They are what really matter in life.

I also wish I had used all of my personal days at work and more of my vacation time.  I lost my two unused personal days (which fall under a "use it or lose it" policy -- although they can also be used a sick days, which is why I tend to save them, just in case...), and I'm carrying over two weeks of vacation!

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Dare I say I spend too much time on the computer?? I love my computer time, but I would probably have more time for the other stuff in my life if I spent even just a little less time mindlessly web surfing. :p 

20. How did you spend Christmas?

In the usual way:  with my family (my parents, sister & her boyfriend). Entertained by near-daily visits from The Princess.  ; ) Reading, enjoying Mom's shortbread & other goodies, playing cards & doing a jigsaw puzzle. Went to see "Les Miserables" on New Year's Day. Staying up late & sleeping in. Isn't that what holidays are for?

21. Did you fall in love in 2012?

Never fell out. ; )

22. What was your favorite TV program?

My favourite continues to be The Big Bang Theory. : ) But also:  Sherlock, The Republic of Doyle, and the return of my old favourite, Dallas. : )  Not sure whether they can keep up the momentum without Larry Hagman (JR), though. :(   The new season starts Jan. 28th, so we'll see...!

23. Do you hate anyone now that you did not hate this time last year?

I don't think I hate anyone... that's a very strong word.  But there are a few people I can think of, personally and in the public realm, that I think less of today than I did a year ago.

24. What was the best book you read?

I may not have read a lot of books this year :p but there were some pretty good ones. Cheryl Strayed's Wild and Susan Cain's Quiet have stayed with me in the months since I read them.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I must admit, I don't listen to a lot of new music. And I hate to say it, but my biggest discovery was probably One Direction, lol. "That's What Makes You Beautiful" is still playing in my head.  Catchy stuff!!

26. What did you want and get?

I managed to connect with some distant cousins and add a great number of branches to my family tree. : )

27. What did you want and not get?

Still waiting on the sunspot vacation and new everyday dishes I mentioned last year. There were also several things I wanted to get done around the house that didn't happen. They need to happen soon, though... it's our turn to host the annual get-together for dh's cousins this summer (about 40-50 people). If that's not incentive, I don't know what is...!! :p

28. What was your favourite film of this year?

We saw about a dozen new movies in the theatre this year, which is actually on the low side for us. Most of them were pretty good, and some of them were really, really good. "Skyfall" would probably be my favourite, I think, just because it was so well done and (as a longtime James Bond fan) so much FUN.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I was 51 -- took the day off work and went to the spa, and had dinner out with dh later. 52 coming up shortly...!

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Less stress. If one of us is stressed, then both of us are inevitably stresed and unhappy -- and there were a few too many days of being stressed out for my liking.  :p  Work and the commute to & from (and there were alot of changes to our commute & regular routines this year) are probably our main stressors. Sometimes it feels like all the construction -- at our local commuter train station, at Union Station and elsewhere downtown -- will never end. (More likely, it will probably end right about the time we both retire...!)

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?

As I said in 2010, not sure I have one, let alone a new one every year?? 

32. What kept you sane?

As I have said in previous years: dh, weekends, & being able to vent to my online friends. : ) And knowing that, if all goes well, retirement could be just three (!!) more years away. ; )

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Besides the Queen, above, Hillary Clinton. (Girls rule!!) I've long admired her, and all the "Texts from Hillary" and other press she received this year just reminded me of it. And having had a couple of blows to the head myself, I fully sympathize with what she's been through the past few weeks. I hope she has a happy retirement... at least until 2016. ; )

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

It was absolutely appalling to see old white men (on both sides of the border) patronizingly trying to tell women they know what's best for us and our bodies, while they tried to take away our choices, so hard-won by our sisters in the past. Having to refight the battles of the 1960s and 1970s is incredibly depressing. But fight again we must, and will.

The issue of guns and gun control also raised my blood pressure, after Newtown and Colorado in the States, and some high-profile gang-related shootings here in Toronto (one not too far from where my father-in-law lives).  I simply do not understand why anyone, outside the military and police, and possibly people living in remote rural areas, would need or want to own a gun (let alone an entire arsenal of automatic assault weapons designed to inflict the greatest amount of harm on the greatest number of people in the shortest amount of time).

35. Who did you miss?

As always, my daughter, and my grandparents.

Our friends from our old support group. Most of us have stopped attending group events (for reasons I have blogged about in the past), they are busy with their kids and lives, and we seldom seem to get together otherwise. :(

I miss my childhood best friends. I have been thinking of them a lot lately. Don't get to see enough of them, either. :(

36. Who was the best new person you met?

Last year, I got to meet Deathstar;  this year, I finally got to meet and spend an afternoon with Msfitzita. : ) Which blogger(s) will I get to meet in 2013? 

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012.

Stressing out isn't worth it (no matter what the stressing is about). It's a lesson I've had to learn before... but it seems I have to keep releaning it. :p

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

"This is crazy." -- Carly Rae Jepsen ; )

New Year's Eve 2007

New Year's Eve 2008

New Year's resolutions for 2009

New Year's resolutions for bereaved parents

New Year's Eve 2009

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Not lost... just different : )


Got this from a Facebook friend and immediately wanted to share it here!


Friday, January 4, 2013

"Rod: The Autobiography" by Rod Stewart


I can't say I was ever a huge Rod Stewart fan.  (My sister was definitely a bigger fan than I was -- we had a few of his albums in our joint teenaged collection, all bought by her.)

Nevertheless, growing up in the 1970s, he was always there, in the background -- part of the soundtrack of my life -- then and since -- and I did (& still do) like many of his songs, particularly the earlier ones -- "Maggie May" (which somehow never seems to get old, no matter how often I hear it), "Reason to Believe," "Stay With Me," "I Was Only Joking," "Downtown Train."  Perhaps my reluctance to declare myself a Rod fan stems from my all-too-vivid memories of the "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy"/"Hot Legs"/spandex years of the late 1970s & early 1980s ; ) (reinforced by the advent of MTV -- did you know that his song "She Won't Dance With Me" was the third video ever played on MTV -- and in all, 16 of his videos were played on its first day of broadcasting?). 

This fall, I saw he had written a memoir. And of course, I couldn't resist buying it, and reading it over the Christmas holidays. I have, as I have admitted here before, a particular weakness for celebrity memoirs, and I figured Rod would have some good stories to tell. And he does. "In a season full of books by or about aging rockers," says The New York Times, "his memoir turns out to be the most fun."

Turning 68 (!!) next week, father of 8 (!!)(by five (!!) different women) and now a grandfather too, Stewart has been entertaining us for some 50 (!!) years. His book spins the to-be-expected tales of sex, drugs and rock & roll.  If you consider his record on a purely factual basis, his behaviour doesn't reflect particularly well on him. His serial womanizing, in particular (cheating on one Playboy model with... another Playboy model, for example), could (does) make him look like a jerk.

Yet, reading the book, you can't help but laugh & like the guy. ; ) He seems like someone who would be the life of the party and fun to down a pint with at the local pub. : ) He cheerfully admits it when he's acted like a jerk -- and marvels, many times throughout the book, that he is a very lucky man. And you believe he's sincere about it. 

While naming the names of his many paramours, there are also some great stories about the likes of Long John Baldry, Gary Glitter, Jeff Beck, Ronnie Wood, Keith Moon, Led Zeppelin, Freddie Mercury and Elton John (they address each other as "Sharon" and "Phyllis")(??!), as well as both Hollywood and British royalty (Gregory Peck, Prince Charles...). Stewart also expounds on his passions for his family (of origin, as well as the one he created -- there is a hilarious chapter full of parenting tips, drawn from his personal experiences), football (soccer), fast cars and even model railroading.

Stewart admits he was heartbroken when his second wife, model Rachel Hunter, left him -- he claims he was faithful to her and didn't see it coming. He also writes about his brush with thyroid cancer that threatened his health, voice and career -- not to mention his trademark spiked blonde hairstyle (the subject of its own chapter in the book).  It's stuff like this that humanizes the guy and makes him sympathetic. Despite his cheating ways, he claims to still have good relationships with all his children's mothers.

 Now approaching his 70s, he stays fit with a personal trainer, still plays soccer, and has entered a new phase of his career, issuing several highly successful albums of pop standards.  He also has a new album of original material coming out later this year. .

"There is no template for growing old as a rock star," he points out on page 359. "There's no pattern you can follow. We were the first to come this way, flaunting our youth as we did so, and we've got no choice but to be pioneers as we go out the other end, when youth has ceased to be an option."

From an ALI perspective, the book contains several points of interest. Stewart's oldest child, Sarah, was born when he was still a teenager. After signing the papers for her adoption, he thought that chapter of his life was closed -- until the girl and her adoptive mother turned up on his doorstep, some years later, accompanied by reporters. Their first meeting was understandably awkward, but they have happily developed a better relationship in recent years, out of the spotlight.

Having already fathered six kids, Stewart was reluctant to expand his family again with his third wife, Penny Lancaster, who desperately wanted children. He says he changed his mind after the events of September 11, 2001. Penny's first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage but, happily, the couple has since had two sons. The youngest, Aiden, born in 2011 (almost 50 years after Sarah, the first!), was the result of three rounds of IVF. "It's physically very punishing for the woman, and heartbreaking for both of you when it doesn't work," he observes. (Tell us about it, Rod...!)

*** *** ***

As a Rod-related aside: Some months ago, I arrived at work slightly early, and my 20-something coworker/cubicle neighbour was playing music aloud on her iPod, as she sometimes does at that time of the morning, when nobody else is around. It was Rod Stewart, singing a pop standard from one of his recent crooner collections.

"Do you like Rod Stewart?" she asked me. I told her (as I told you all above) that I did, although not as much as my sister, and that I particularly liked his early stuff, like "Maggie May."

She told me she had never heard "Maggie May."

!!!!!!

OK, maybe I am showing my age & lack of connection to the younger generation, but I was absolutely dumbfounded by this admission. (She immediately looked the song up on YouTube. "Hey, this is pretty good," she said.) I just couldn't imagine how anyone past grade school age could NEVER have heard "Maggie May." It was such a huge, huge hit (ubiquitous, almost), and I still hear it at least once every few days on the radio.

And then I realized that (a) kids today don't listen to the radio and (b) even if & when they do, it most likely (definitely??) isn't the boomer/classic rock stations that dh and I prefer.  Also, her parents were not born in Canada, so it's not likely she grew up with a classic rock (vinyl) album collection in their basement.

Chalk one up to the new generation gap. At least she had the good taste to like it. ; )



(And, for good measure, probably my favourite Rod song):



Monday, December 31, 2012

New Year's Eve

I don't know where the time goes... the last few days & hours of 2012 have absolutely zoomed by. So many plans, so many good intentions... so many blogs to read & posts rumbling around in my head, so little time...!  My Google Reader is hopelessly stuck above 1000 posts, it seems (not all ALI-related, happily). I manage to read a blog post here & there but meaningful chunks have eluded me for the past month. :p 

The Christmas season flew by too. I missed out on a few of the things I usually like to do at Christmastime... only caught snatches of "It's a Wonderful Life" and "A Christmas Carol," and didn't see "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation," "A Christmas Story" or "The Bishop's Wife" at ALL. :(  But there were compensations. ;)

Dh's Christmas party was on a Thursday night (the most common party night on Bay Street in Toronto), at a restaurant far from downtown, let alone where we live in the suburbs.  Last year's party was at the same place and he didn't get home until midnight (and then had to get up at 5 a.m. as usual for work the next day :p) -- so this year, we spluged for a night at a swanky old downtown hotel... we brought a bag to work with us, checked in at lunchtime (& headed back to work), then he went to his party while I went to the Eaton Centre to shop, eat and admire the holiday decorations, there and all through the underground concourse.  Stopped off at a Starbucks en route back to our room & enjoyed a caramel brule latte while watching our favourite Thursday night shows & waiting for dh's return. While I find I never sleep as well as when I'm in my own bed, we did get to sleep an hour longer than we normally do, & still make it to work at the usual time. Perhaps this will be the start of a new tradition. : )

We spent Christmas with my family as usual... with the added bonus of a near-daily visit from PNGD/The Princess, now 15 months old, walking, saying a few words, redecorating the Christmas trees and generally keeping us hopping. Extreme cuteness all round. Many photos were taken. ; )

For the most part, I was able to enjoy her and her presence on its own merits. But I did have one very emotional moment. Every time she and her mom (PND) left my parents' house, she would take off and lead her mom in a merry game of tag/hide and seek around the car -- peeking around the corner -- before PND scoops her up & into her car seat.  (PND assured us she only allows her to do it at my mom & dad's -- they have a fairly long, wide driveway, on a quiet court with very little traffic.) It was hilarious. (I captured one such chase on video, filming through the living room window.) The first time she did it, I was laughing so hard I thought I was going to wet myself, & I felt tears of hilarity rolling down my cheeks.

And then suddenly, I realized I was crying for real. Laughter to tears, in the blink of an eye. I think my mom noticed, & dh patted me on the shoulder while I wiped my eyes. Just so precious. So much that we've missed out on. :(

It was also tough watching my mother trek off to various neighbours' houses to see their visiting grandchildren. I went with her a couple of times. I'll admit it, I get a kick out of seeing the miniature versions of the people I've known since they were kids themselves, too. ; ) But it was painful to see my mother's eagerness to share in some of the joy of other people's grandchildren, knowing she doesn't have any of her own, & why. :( 

Today, dh & I stopped at the cemetery en route to shopping & dinner out. A beautiful, bright red cardinal was hovering in the snow-covered tree beside the columbarium where Katie's niche is. Breathtaking. : )

I had hoped to have my usual New Year's meme done & posted tonight, but I haven't even looked at it yet. I suspect my answers would be pretty much the same as they were a year & two years ago. Oh well. I may still get it done. Being half Ukrainian, I figure I have until Ukrainian New Year, right? ; )

I hope you've all had a good holiday. I leave you with a photo of the Christmas decorations at the Toronto Eaton Centre (including several gigantic illuminated reindeer roving through the mall):










Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Post-Newtown musings

  • Newtown, Connecticut. 20 gorgeous children, 7 adults. Kindergartners and first graders, for crying out loud. :( 
  • I was having breakfast with my teammates at work that morning and there was a TV set on the restaurant wall, tuned to a 24-hour headline news channel, sound turned down. I saw a headline flicker by about a school shooting in the States. I shook my head, but it didn't really register -- school shootings in the States being sadly not unheard of -- until later, in my cubicle, browsing some news online.  
  • Most Canadians don't understand America's fascination with guns. Guns are nowhere near as prevalent here as they are there, and are nowhere near as deeply embedded in the culture.
  • But -- they ARE around -- and there is a vocally pro-gun segment of the population, particularly in rural areas.
  • We have our own tragic stories of mad gunmen, school shootings and mass murders. To name a few:
    • In 1967, when I was six years old, an entire family -- two adults and seven children --was murdered on a farm near the small town of Shell Lake, Saskatchewan, about three hours from where we were living at the time. Only the baby survived. I don't think I knew all the specifics until years later, but I remember the prevailing atmosphere of fear (mass murders were practically unheard of then, nevermind in rural Saskatchewan), and how my mother barely wanted to leave the house until the killer was caught, several days later. To this day, if you mention his name or the subject generally, my mother will visibly shudder.
    • One of my coworkers was a student at Brampton Centennial Secondary School in 1975 when one of Canada's very first school shootings took place. A student and a teacher were killed, and 13 other students injured before the gunman committed suicide.
    • In 1978, one student shot another -- allegedly for ridiculing the rock group KISS -- at a high school in Winnipeg.  I was 17 and living about an hour away at the time, and we often drove by that school on our way to the mall, so I remember it quite clearly.
    • On Dec. 6, Canadians marked 23 years since 14 young women engineering students -- targeted specifically because they were women -- were gunned down at Ecole Polytechnique in Montreal.
    • There was another shooting in Montreal in 2006, at Dawson College, where one person was killed and 19 injured.  
    • In general, though, the reason these stories are so memorable is because they are so rare. 
  • I grew up in small rural Prairie towns where -- even in elementary school -- the boys would talk endlessly about hunting and trapping. Several of my uncles and cousins hunt, and while my dad never has, at least in my memory, he did ask for -- and get -- a BB gun on a recent birthday, to scare the crows away from his precious garden. I chipped in with my mom & sister (he's hard enough to buy for at the best of times and rarely asks for anything specific...), but all the while muttering, "I can't believe I am actually buying my father a GUN. For a PRESENT."   
  • I myself asked for -- and got -- a toy rifle for my 3rd or 4th birthday, so that I could be like my hero, Chuck Connors, "The Rifleman." (Not exactly the common gift of choice for little girls in the early 1960s, I know, but my best buddies were three brothers who lived across the street and so -- for a couple of years anyway -- I was a little tomboy, learning to skate on the backyard rink my dad made for us in a pair of their oversized hockey blades.)  Anyway, somewhere in my mom's photo albums, there exists a black & white snapshot of me, dressed in a crinoline and Mary Janes, and proudly brandishing my new rifle. (!!)
  • Somewhere along the way, though, I lost my appetite for guns. I used to get nervous just being at my aunt's house & eyeing my uncle's rack full of rifles, mounted on the wall.  
  • This might seem petty in the face of so much pain -- but did any other loss moms or CNBCers out there find themselves wincing over all the comments prefaced by the words "as a parent" (including from President Obama), and the comments and Facebook posts from people instructing us to "Hug your kids a little tighter tonight" and "I couldn't get home to my kids fast enough."? 
  • My gut feeling is that, even if we don't have children here on this earth, those of us who have lost pregnancies and babies can relate to those grieving parents right now just as well as (or dare I say, better than?) parents of living children who have never experienced the loss of a child.   
  • I have also had my ALI hackles raised by all the references to how the "moms of America" must unite for social change (a la MADD -- as a New York Times columnist suggested).  (a) While the stats do show that more women than men are in favour of gun control measures, I'm willing to bet there are plenty of dads/men out there who are horrified by what happened and willing to make their voices heard. And (b), obviously, just because I am not a mom doesn't mean I don't have a stake in this too.
  • And then I read this opening paragraph for an opinion piece by Salon's Joan Walsh: "As parents, we can feel the stabbing pain of newly bereaved Newtown mothers and fathers, but we don’t have to be parents to feel that loss." Bless you, Joan! : )
  • As I mentioned in a comment on Stirrup Queens, some local parents are up in arms because their children were told about the shooting in Connecticut by their teachers. They say they don’t want their kids to know about what happened. While I understand the instinct to protect your children, especially the younger ones, from harsh reality, I am not exactly sure how they expect to do that. Kids are so media savvy these days -- the media is saturated in coverage of this event right now -- and of course, they talk among themselves — not that they always get their facts straight. I think it’s much better that they hear it (or at least a true but edited version) from an adult -- preferably their parents, but teachers may be put in a position where they have to answer questions too.
  • Case in point (I may have told this story here before):  in October 1970, when I was 9 years old and in Grade 4, a radical Quebec separatist group called the FLQ kidnapped a British diplomat (who was later released) & also kidnapped & murdered a provincial cabinet minister, Pierre Laporte. (Google “October Crisis” & I’m sure you’ll find lots of information -- here's Wikipedia's entry.) Pierre Trudeau, Canada’s prime minister at the time, invoked the War Measures Act, which severely curtailed civil liberties, and there were troops in the streets of Montreal & Ottawa. It was a very tense couple of months. I was living far away from the action, in a small remote rural community on the Canadian Praries, and there was no Internet or CNN ratcheting up the news coverage, but there was still a lot of fear, and a lot of wild stories circulating on the playground. One of my friends told us that Laporte had been beheaded -- and I believed her. Her dad was an RCMP officer -- he would know, wouldn’t he?? (It wasn't true. I didn't realize that until years later.)
  • Melissa at Stirrup Queens brought our attention to a blog post by Dyke in the Heart of Texas, challenging us to remember one of the young lives lost at Sandy Hook (and not the gunman).  Kathy at Bereaved & Blessed has also embraced this challenge.
  • If I remember one name from Sandy Hook, it will probably be Ana Marquez-Greene. As this article explains, Ana spent spent about half of her far-too-brief life in the city of Winnipeg in my home province of Manitoba, and only recently moved back to Connecticut. Her father is a jazz musician who taught at the School of Music at my alma mater, University of Manitoba. Her funeral will be this Saturday. :( 

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Three generations

I never met my mother-in-law. She died before I ever met her (although dh & I were already together, albeit in the long-distance phase of our relationship). 

She died exactly 30 years ago this past Saturday. She was in her early 50s, only a little older than I am now.

Coincidentally, all of us were together that night at BIL's celebrating our oldest nephew's 24th birthday. Dh & I brought FIL & stepMIL;  SIL's family was there too. The house was full of food and laughter, and at one point, dh, his dad (now in his 80s), his brother and our two nephews were all piled onto the couch together, laughing & joking & punching each other. Three generations, so much alike, all of them.

I took a couple of photos -- I have many photos of the five of them together, over the years -- and as I did, I thought about the woman who made it all possible, and how much she would have loved to see this -- how proud she would be of her two boys and how they've grown up, and how proud she certainly have been of those two tall, handsome grandsons. I thought about how the most awful grief can sometimes, somehow, over time, morph back into some form of happiness once again. I thought about how much can change, for worse AND for better, in the space of 30 years.

This morning, dh & I were listening to last year's Vinyl Cafe Christmas concert on CBC Radio -- while getting ready to go into the city to THIS year's Vinyl Cafe Christmas concert.  The musical guest last year was Hawksley Workman, a rather quirky Canadian singer-songwriter. One of the songs he performed had me gulping back tears as we watched live last year, and had me running for the Kleenex again this morning as we listened on the radio. It was prefaced by a long story about his grandparents and the times he spent time with them as a child.

There was so much in the song -- washing dishes (the GOOD dishes, used only on special occasions) in the kitchen before we were allowed to start opening presents on Christmas Eve, "go and get the camera," setting the wishbone on the windowsill to dry, even putting out suet for the birds -- that reminded me of long-ago childhood Christmases with MY wonderful grandparents.

And as he sang the wistful line "three generations are only together for so long," I thought about them -- as I so often do at this time of the year -- and about the three generations who had been together the night before -- and how we need to cherish those good times while they last -- because they pass by so very, very quickly. 

Wash the dishes
wash the dishes
the Christmas dinner dishes
three generations in the kitchen
all at once

and go and get a camera
and go and wake up grandpa
three generations in the kitchen
all at once

play a christmas album
the Elvis Christmas album
three generations sing Blue Christmas
all at once
and light another candle
come sit near the piano
three generations sing together
all at once.

put away the turkey
to make sandwiches tomorrow
and put away the bones to make soup for the winter
but not the wish bone
we'll just put it on the counter
to let it dry out this week
in time to make a wish for New Years Eve

take turns with the washing
and take turns with the drying
three generations in the kitchen
all at once
soak the tough ones til tomorrow
and save the suet for the sparrows
three generations Merry Christmas
all at once

put away the turkey
to make sandwiches tomorrow
and put away the bones to make soup for the winter
but not the wish bone
we'll just put it on the counter
to let it dry out this week
in time to make a wish for New Years Eve

and put away the fancy dishes
just to take them out next Christmas
three generations are only together for so long
telling stories of the good times
the bad times and the war time
three generations
are only together for so long


Thursday, December 6, 2012

Coming soon(ish?) to a mailbox near you

One of the Christmas traditions that's important to me and that I've continued in the years post loss is sending an annual card. As I've written in past years, my choice of card has taken on added significance in the years since Katie came into our lives. All my cards have been picked with her in mind. Classic Pooh and angels have been recurring themes.

Inevitably, I know "the card" when I first lay eyes on it, & this year was no exception. I did look around a little more, just to see what was out there, but in my heart, I knew. : )  I actually had to send the clerk into the basement storage locker to find the quantity I needed. ; )

Once again this year, my card came from the Papyrus store -- it is called Snow Family. I love the family, and I love how the little snowman is looking straight up into the heavens, at a different angle than his/her mom & dad. 

What do you think?






(Now to find time to write the darn things...)

2010 card was a photo card of me & dh on our 25th wedding anniversary : )