Blogging Cupid :)

Thank you, Mel, for sending me a virtual Valentine. It's been a very long time since I got a Valentine from anyone besides dh (or maybe my mother, lol). :)  I was in excellent company among the four other people she selected at random from her RSS feed to tag with some bloggy love.

Now it's my turn. Happy Valentine's Day to five wonderful bloggers whose posts I always look forward to reading: 

*  By the Brooke:  Dear Brooke, I love your beautiful, eloquent, thoughtful posts about your Eliza, and the ongoing grief of stillbirth. And your photos and stories about your other two adorable daughters never fail to make me laugh & smile.

* Silent Sorority:  Dear Pamela, finding your original Coming2Terms blog more than 7 (!!) years ago -- even before I had my own -- was like stumbling into an unexpected oasis in the middle of a desert. So glad you are still writing and speaking out and giving hope to our fellow infertility survivors that a good life can be had without children.

*  No Kidding in NZ:  Dear Mali, thank you for being such a thoughtful, articulate spokesperson for the "no  kidding" life.  I really appreciate your steadfast, positive outlook. It's also great to have a Down Under perspective that gently shakes us out of our North American-centricity (if that's a word). ;)   

* Mrs. Spit... Still Spouting Off:  Dear Mrs. Spit,  I am constantly in awe of how you face every challenge that life throws your way with honesty and grace -- from bereavement to health issues, to a work & travel schedule that makes me tired just thinking about it. And you still find time & energy to blog about it all with eloquence and humour.

*  A Woman My Age:  Dear Deathstar, I so appreciate that although you achieved your dream of motherhood when you adopted your son, you've never forgotten the journey you took to find him, or how things might have turned out differently. I salute you for juggling the midlife sandwich ingredients of career, motherhood, marriage and caring for an aging parent with humour as well as Buddhist zen.

The five of you, consider yourselves tagged.  Here’s how it works:

* Choose 5 blogs at random.

* Throw up a post with a sentence about what you love about each one.

* Tell those people to consider themselves tagged.

You can right-click and grab the image Mel made (above left) if you want to add it to your own post.

You can also add a link to your post on the linky list on Mel's blog, which is open until 11:59 pm ET on Saturday, Feb. 14th.

Go spread the love. :)

Recent reading

• I was intrigued by this New York Times blog piece about social media & the loss of a beloved pet.  While losing a baby is not the same as losing a pet, there are similarities. I was particularly struck by the author's struggles with how to articulate to himself what he was really feeling and what if anything he wanted to say about it, versus others' expectations about how he was "supposed" to express his grief (i.e., with a post on Facebook). To each their own...!
• Also from the NYT, in the Motherlode blog, a post about donating embryos -- with a surprisingly mostly civil discussion in the comments section.
• I liked this recent article about egg freezing in New York magazine.  While I'm not opposed to egg freezing per se, I was glad that the RE was honest, that egg freezing doesn't always work. And while I don't want to male-bash, the article also points to a subject that too often gets overlooked in stories focusing on "career women" who "postpone" marriage & family and resort to measures like egg freezing as a kind of "insurance policy."  It takes two to tango:  where are the men in this picture?  Granted, they are not under (quite) the same time pressures that women are (although research indicates that they shouldn't feel they can safely postpone fatherhood forever either). But why isn't anyone asking about their desire (or lack thereof) to settle down with a wife and family?   
• And speaking of egg freezing, it's the subject of the first article in a new Globe & Mail series about "the fertility business, its procedures, and promises that might be too good to be true."  If this article is any indication, I am looking forward to reading more in the series. The writer points out the stats (and lack thereof) related to egg freezing and other ARTs, and asks some excellent but necessary questions.        
• The same issue of the G&M included an opinion piece about workplace-sponsored egg freezing programs, which suggests that perhaps companies should be investing in flexible work options and daycare programs instead.
• Further to my post about my dislike of February -- Justine wrote her own "not a huge fan of February" post.  In the comments, Sharah mentioned an old post by Martha Beck, which I found after some Googling. Actually, I found two posts that touched on February funks -- here and here.  (Martha's book, "Expecting Adam," was out around the time I was ttc after Katie's stillbirth. I bought it, but never could bring myself to read it. I have enjoyed her columns in O Magazine, though.)  "February in the northern hemisphere is hard on the body and the soul,"  she says. Yep. :p
• I loved this article by a new mom, addressing all those clichés we childless/free folk know and love (NOT)(i.e., "I never knew what love REALLY was until I became a mom," etc. etc....).  She writes: "...now that I’ve crossed over from “nonparent” to “parent,” and with apologies to my fellow parents, I want to deliver this important message: You pretty much get it... I always felt like the idea that mothers and fathers are the only people that get love was bullshit, but I never had standing to argue with any of them until my son was born. Now that I’ve been on both sides of the fence, I’m very happy to report that things are just as I’d assumed they would be. That love is love, wherever you’re standing."  (Thanks for this one, Emily!)

#MicroblogMondays: Isn't it romantic?

So, this Saturday is Valentine's Day. Saturday nights are usually busy enough at the local restaurants, so I can just imagine what it will be like trying to get a table, even if we go early. :p  We are thinking of ordering in Chinese food.  Yep, this is what Valentine's Day looks like after 30+ years together, lol.  ;)  We usually don't buy each other presents, but we do exchange cards.

Our very first Valentine's Day came just a few weeks after we first started dating, at university, in January 1982. I don't remember what gifts we exchanged -- being broke students, I'm sure it wasn't anything too extravagant -- but I still have the cards we exchanged then (and every one since).  

I think my favourite Valentine's Day was a few years later, one of the first years we were married. We lived in a small, one-bedroom apartment in a renovated New York-ish brownstone building in midtown Toronto -- Yuppieville central at the time. There was a lovely little hole-in-the-wall Italian restaurant nearby, featuring attentive, friendly service and fabulous food, including the best linguini with clams in white wine sauce that I have ever tasted, and wonderful tartuffo ice cream for dessert. We made reservations & went there on Valentine's Day with BIL & SIL (whose wedding anniversary is Feb. 15th -- it was likely their first or second wedding anniversary the next day, since Older Nephew had arrived by the time they celebrated Anniversary #3).  The place was lit with candles and filled with red & white balloons, and mellow music from the likes of Frank Sinatra & Sade -- not too loud -- set the tone. So lovely. It was our go-to place for birthdays & anniversaries and entertaining out of town guests and "just because" -- even after we moved way out to the suburbs. I remember slogging through a snowstorm after work on my 30th birthday to get there, and suffering endless delays on the train home afterward, because of the snow. But it was worth it.

Sadly, the restaurant is long gone, but the memories remain.

Do you have any memorable Valentine's Day stories to share?

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.         

Ten questions

Melissa at Stirrup Queens tagged all of us who read her latest Friday Roundup with these questions

1. When was the last time you cut your hair? Did you like the haircut?

 I've worn my hair more or less the same way (sometimes a bit longer, sometimes a bit shorter) for years, and if I don't have a trim every 6-7 weeks, it gets too long and bushy and drives me nuts. :p  The last trim was two weeks ago, and yes, I liked it (and still do). :)  Sometimes she gets it just a wee bit short for my liking, and sometimes she leaves it just a bit too long and while I like it at first, I soon can't wait for a trim again -- but this was great, and so far, so good. ;)  I had colour & highlights done just before Christmas too, and they still look pretty good as well.

2. Grapes with seeds or seedless?

Seedless, definitely. I grew up eating mostly seedless. Dh & his family eat seeded grapes, seeds & all, all the time, and I either have to decline or find a way to discreetly spit the seeds into a serviette. ;)  I just can't bring myself to swallow the seeds.

3. When was the last time you went to a fancy party? What did you wear?

I haven't been to a "fancy party" in a long time. :(  While I wouldn't want to dress up every day, I think it's kind of sad that we get so few occasions to do so these days. (Dh looks so good in a suit, lol.)  The last such event I attended was probably dh's cousin's daughter's wedding in May 2012. I wore a (short, sleeveless, V-neck) dress that was a smattering of all kinds of different colours, almost like an artist's palette -- predominantly purple, but also some olive green gold, black & others mixed in. The next big "fancy party" will probably be our nephew's wedding in October 2016 (eeekkk!). 

4. What colour is your bedroom wall?

Beige. ;)

5. The worst smell in the world is…

I've been to a pig barn on a Hutterite farm. It was actually immaculately clean, but, well, it was a pig barn. Use your imagination. ;) 

6. Last thing you spat out.

A slightly gristly piece of chicken. :p

7. Do you sing when no one is around? What do you usually sing?

Yes, mostly in the shower. ;)  Mostly Broadway show tunes and 60s girl groups/singers.  I also love to sing along with the radio in the car. (Classic rock station.)

8. Your least favourite name (and it’s okay if it’s Melissa; I can take it).

I'm not sure I have a least favourite name, but Cindy was the name of my grade school bully and she has coloured my feelings about it ever since then. ;)  I also dislike some of the more modern names -- ones that sound like the parents made them up, or ones with weird spellings (Madisyn?? seriously??). (I keep wondering what that's going to look like on a business card someday.)(Although I suppose Lori looked equally weird to some people at one time.) 

9. Did you like the food served at the last dinner party you went to?

I'm trying and failing to remember the last dinner party I went to. The image that springs to mind is my aunt & uncle's 50th wedding anniversary party in Minneapolis last spring. My cousin's wife is a caterer and made all the food, and it was AMAZING!!  We also got to feast on the leftovers at their house the next day. The menu included garlic breadsticks, an awesome salad that included craisins, green beans, and an amazing pork tenderloin with garlic mashed potatos. Yum!!!

10. What is your most prized possession? Would you kill a unicorn in order to save your most prized possession?

I am very attached to some of my stuff, but my most prized possession would be the hatbox containing Katie's things, including the little outfit she wore, her footprints & Polaroids and my one ultrasound photo. Not sure I am capable of killing an animal, let alone a unicorn, but I would probably be up to a good wrestling match. ;) 

Consider yourself tagged if you read this. ;) Cut and paste the questions onto your blog, answer them, and let me know if you do, so I can read your answers. :)  

Tales from the mall

I was in a children's wear store at the local mall this afternoon, browsing for possible Valentine's Day presents I could send to the Little Princesses.

(Yes!! -- whereas just walking past a Baby Gap once had the power to fill my eyes with tears, I have reached a point where I can now go inside a children's wear store and browse, gleefully even. It seems cute miniature dresses and leggings no longer have the power to hurt me.)(Much.)(Usually.) 

I was holding up a pink T-shirt that said, "Big Sister" and debating whether to buy it (there was also a yellow T-shirt in a smaller size that said "Little Sister") when an eager store clerk pounced upon me.

"Oh, do you need something for Pink Shirt Day? It's tomorrow, isn't it?"  she trilled. "My daughter was telling me she needed something to wear, and I thought, all the years I've worked here and you don't have one pink shirt you can put on??" 

"Pink Shirt Day?"  I repeated slowly, blankly. It was like she was speaking an entirely foreign language. I had NO IDEA what she was talking about.

Then I had a vague memory of seeing a post on Facebook about kids wearing pink shirts to school to raise awareness of bullying. Fine cause. But -- as a woman without children -- definitely not something on my radar.

I suppose I should be flattered that this woman thought I was shopping for MY KID (who would be 16, had she been around, and definitely not fitting into any of the things in this store).  These days, I'm just as likely (make that MORE likely) to be asked about grandchildren. (Not sure which is worse...!)

It wasn't an "ouch" moment, exactly. I was more bewildered and bemused than anything else. But I have to admit that this one brief exchange made me feel like a complete fish out of water -- and more than that, was yet another reminder (as if I needed one) that I don't belong to The Club. :p  That I didn't really belong in this store.

I beat a hasty retreat, and left empty-handed.

(I Googled "Pink Shirt Day" when I got home. I found various sites declaring it to be Feb. 25th, April 8th and May 4th -- I guess it depends on where you live?) 

I didn't "give up"...

A Facebook find that had me shouting "YES!!"  ;)
(In retrospect, maybe this should have been my #MicroblogMonday post, lol.)  

#MicroblogMondays: Move over, November...

The fact that I hate November is no secret here (check out my tagged posts on the subject). 

So you may be surprised to learn that November is, in fact, my second-least favourite month. The honour of least-favourite month goes to February, the month we have just entered. Here are a few reasons why:  

*  It's the dead of winter in my part of the world, cold & dreary. Case in point:  when I woke up this morning, the temperature was -16C, with a windchill factor of -28C. (That's about 3 & -18 on the Fahrenheit scale.) Not to mention about a foot of snow, which dh is currently psyching himself up to go shovel. (We do not own a snowblower.) (Yet?)
*  Yes, there's always Florida (or Arizona, or Mexico, or Cuba, etc.).  But (a) February is also college spring break month -- & I'm not eager to share my vacation with a bunch of wild 20-something party animals; (b) this is peak sunspot vacation season = peak prices; & (c) not everyone has the time or money to escape to a warmer climate for a few weeks.  (We might -- but we just didn't think about it this year. Maybe 2016...) 
*  Traditionally, February was always right in the middle of that interminably loooooonnnnnnnggggg stretch between Christmas & Easter, with no long weekends to break up the monotony.
*  The introduction of Family Day in Ontario a few years back has made that a moot point -- albeit we childless/free must endure all the platitudes that come along with a holiday called "Family Day," which generally does not acknowledge families of two.
*  February 8, 1998, was my LMP date with my pregnancy with Katie (the first day of my last menstrual period, which became ingrained in my memory after I was asked to provide it at medical appointment after medical appointment). The cycle of remembrance & regret begins again... (Can it really be SEVENTEEN YEARS ago now???!!!)

Saving graces: 

* While February might suck, it's the shortest month of the year by at least two or three days.  So (technically, at least) there's less of it to loathe.
*  February includes Valentine's Day (which actually falls on the Family Day weekend this year). Dh & I don't go in for big Valentine's Day celebrations -- he will tell you it's a "Hallmark Holiday" -- but I still like the idea of having a special day to celebrate romance and love -- not just for your partner but also the other special people in your life. It's a little ray of sunshine in the middle of greyness.
*  As with November this year -- I'm not working. Even if the weather is crappy, I don't have to worry about slogging my way to the commuter train station (only to stand on a freezing cold platform, waiting for a train that is inevitably delayed or cancelled because of the weather).  Not working and having the freedom to set my own schedule & priorities was a big reason why November didn't suck as much this past year;  hopefully the same will apply for February, lol. ;)

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.