Right now...

Right now... (an occasional meme)

Reading:  "The Baker's Daughter," another D.E. Stevenson novel (albeit not being discussed by my online group). This is the DES novel that I remember most clearly & fondly from my youth. It's all coming back to me as I read, and I am enjoying it all over again. :)

Watching: I'm not much for superheroes (although I've enjoyed the "Avengers" movies)... but I am getting a huge kick out of watching "Agent Carter" these past few weeks.  I just can't get into vampires and zombies -- but secret agents in 1940s Hollywood?  I'm in!  :)  

Listening:  For squirrels overhead (& hoping I won't hear anything... :p ). 

Following:  My online book group's discussion of D.E. Stevenson's "Listening Valley."  

Drinking: Ginger ale. 

Eating: Way too much junk food lately. :p Two visits to McDonalds in three days -- ugh. :p

Wearing: My post-layoff uniform of yoga pants & a T-shirt. :)  Comfort rules!!

Anticipating: Afternoon tea at the King Edward Hotel with dh's female cousins (the same ones I went to New York City with in fall 2013). :)

Contemplating:  Condos. (And a potential upcoming post on the subject. ;)  )

Loving: Being able to sleep in.  

Wondering: Why the formatting of this post is so wonky??? (Grrrrr.....)

"Late, Late at Night" by Rick Springfield

This past summer, I dragged dh to the movies to see Meryl Streep as an aging singer in a rock & roll bar band in "Ricki and the Flash." The movie was okay, a little unrealistic plotwise, but the performances were good and the music was first-rate -- Streep sings a string of rock classics & learned to play guitar for the role (with some coaching from Neil Young, of all people...!)(is there nothing that woman can't do??).  

Anyway -- for me, part of the attraction was the chance to catch up with an old favourite -- Rick Springfield, in the role of Meryl/Ricki's guitarist and sometimes lover, Greg. :)  You may (or may not, depending on your age...!) remember Rick from the days of "Jessie's Girl" -- or as the swoony Dr. Noah Drake in "General Hospital," back in the Luke & Laura days of the early 1980s. (Personally, I was watching "Another World" at the time...!)  But I first encountered him almost 10 years earlier, in the early 1970s, alongside my favourites (first David Cassidy and then Donny Osmond) in the pages of 16 and Tiger Beat magazines -- a fresh-faced import from Australia, who had a minor hit with a folksy little song called "Speak to the Sky."  

In the movie, he was a tad grizzled looking (he IS -- gulp -- 66!! now -- and the part did sort of call for it) but I thought he was still kind of cute. :)  I remembered that I had an unread copy of his 2010 memoir in my gargantuan "to read" collection in the basement, and retrieved it when I got home from the theatre. I started reading it then, set it aside when a newer book grabbed my attention, and picked it up again early in the new year.

"Late, Late at Night" made the New York Times' bestseller list, and was named one of the 25 greatest rock memoirs of all time by Rolling Stone magazine. I wouldn't put it in quite the same class as Keith Richards' memoir "Life", but overall it was an entertaining and sometimes surprising read, written by Rick himself in a distinctive voice. 

Rick (nee Richard Springthorpe) was born into a military family, and spent his childhood moving from place to place (something I could very much relate to!) around Australia, and then for a few years to England, just as the Beatles were becoming famous. (He saw them perform in Melbourne in the early 1960s and admits he "screamed like a girl" at the concert.)  Understandably, he struggled to find a sense of belonging and security.  This set the stage for a life-long battle with depression -- including a memorable failed teenaged attempt at suicide -- which he describes in vivid detail.  Depression actually becomes a character in the book -- Rick refers to him as "My Darkness" or "Mr. D."  Along with the depression came addictions to drugs, alcohol and sex.

In his late teens, Rick dropped out of school to play around Australia in a series of bands -- including a stint entertaining the troops in Vietnam at the height of the war there, where he found himself in some hair-raising situations. In the early 1970s, he recorded his first solo album in England and then came to the United States (where he was often compared to David Cassidy, and later mistaken for Bruce Springsteen!). When musical success faltered, he took up acting classes, and landed the role of Dr. Noah Drake in "General Hospital" right around the time his 1981 album, "Working Class Dog," was released.  Both the album and Dr. Drake were hits, launching Rick to a new level of fame, but also bringing new challenges and complications.

As with most rock & roll memoirs, the addiction stuff gets tedious after awhile (you want to shake the guy and tell him, "You idiot!!" -- although he would probably tell himself the same thing). While Rick admits he continues to struggle with depression, he has gained a new sense of peace in his life in recent years with the help of therapy and spiritual study, a young fan named Sahara, and the love and incredible patience of his wife of more than 30 years, Barbara, and their two now-grownup sons. Rick's wry sense of humour and love for his music and for performing, as well as for his family and his dogs, shine through the pages, and the book ends on a hopeful and appreciative note of thankfulness for the life he now leads.

*** *** ***

ALI note (page 29): 

I don't remember my mother's third pregnancy, but I do remember her going away for awhile and returning home seeming much sadder. She'd had a baby girl who died at birth. Nothing much is said in the aftermath of this, but there is a pall over all our lives for awhile.  

I have a feeling that my sister, had she lived, would have changed my relationship with women dramatically. If I'd grown up loving, living and fighting with a sister, I might have seen the human side of women much earlier and skipped the whole "madonna/whore complex" completely. Thoughts of my lost sister have never left me;  in fact, I think I'm still looking for her spirit.

Rick's wife Barbara also had a miscarriage, in between their two sons (page 217). He also writes movingly about his father's long illness and death.

This was book #3 that I've read so far in 2016.

Odds & ends: Mid-February edition

• I missed #MicroblogMondays this week. :(  And I am way behind on my blog reading & commenting. Just too much going on right now.
• The squirrels are back. :p  We started hearing them on the roof again about three weeks ago. Called the animal control company that booted them out in May;  they checked and all was OK ( = they were just on the roof).  But the noises continued, on & off, and last Saturday night (one of the coldest nights of the year to date, with temperatures well below zero -- Celsius OR Fahrenheit, lol) around 3:30 a.m., we heard a THUMP, followed by some scratching, and then the sounds of rampaging feet directly above us. DAMN.  Made another call, but they weren't able to send the same guy out until this morning. I could tell he thought he had some paranoid clients on his hands -- but when he climbed up on the roof to check, sure enough, they had broken through one of the vents again. It had steel mesh around it, but not OVER it. (It will soon.) First, they have to exit out the one-way door he installed, which will allow them to leave but not re-enter. That could take a few days. (Fortunately, because the work they did last May was guaranteed for a year, we don't have to pay any more money.) The guy said it's highly unusual for them to gain re-entry. (Yay us, we hit the jackpot, again. :p )  We've been sleeping on the living room sofas in the meantime. I can't sleep, listening to squirrels overhead (or waiting to hear them) -- but I miss my comfortable bed, and as a result, I am feeling tired and irritable. Damned squirrels. :p
• Recent conversation:
• Salesperson: How old are your kids?
• Dh: We don't have kids.
• Salesperson: Oh my gosh, you are so LUCKY!! I have three teenagers, and they are driving me CRAZY!! 
• Dh (quietly):  It's a long story....
• I had a routine mammogram a week ago. Just waiting for the results. I think if they had needed to call me back for more pictures, I would have heard something by now. If everything's OK I will just get a letter in the mail confirming that. Fingers crossed and knocking wood. :p 
• I try not to stress or think about these things too much, but I have too many friends & cousins who have been dealing with breast cancer recently. :(  Offhand, I can count 6 on my FB friends list (of just over 200 people), most of them between the ages of 40 & 60. :(  One (a fellow loss mom IRL) is currently back in the hospital dealing with complications from surgery, and is much in my thoughts. :( 
• When I marked my blogoversary in October, I had 151 followers on Blogger... a few weeks ago, I noticed I was down to 143, and not I'm at 141. Was it something I said/wrote??

Rituals, milestones and childlessness

I got quite a laugh when this article -- "All Praise the Women of Menopause" -- landed in my Facebook feed. I'm not quite through menopause yet (much to my dismay...!), but I could relate to the contrast between the author's first communion as a child, and the total lack of rituals or cultural acknowledgement as she marks the end of her fertile years and the beginning of a new phase in her life.   

"Why is it that we’re lauded and celebrated when we’ve only just embarked on the journey? Why do we stop marking, ritually, the accomplishments along the way? The hurdles that we overcome?" she asks.  Good questions.

I think a lack of rituals and milestones and celebrations and acknowledgement is one of the more difficult aspects of childless/free living. Yes, there are still some milestones that we celebrate, but I would venture to say not as many as parents get to mark.

Plus, I grew up at a time (1970s) when many of the old rituals and milestones weren't being celebrated, or were marked in a much more informal way than they had been in the past. My track record in this respect has been sort of hit & miss:

• Not being Catholic, I didn't have a first communion.
• But I was confirmed when I was 14, alongside my younger sister. We didn't wear white dresses -- although we did wear veils (which all the girls in the class agreed looked dumb).  Our aunts (also our godmothers) were our sponsors, and both sets of our grandparents attended (our paternal grandmother died soon afterward). We got gifts (including a charm bracelet from my aunt, which I still have.)  But it was not the big deal it is in some families and cultures.  
• I stopped having big birthday parties after I turned 12 (although my birthday was always celebrated by my family & a few close friends).  These days, dh & I generally celebrate our birthdays by exchanging cards & going out for dinner. Sometimes, BIL & family will bring a cake to our next get-together, which is nice. :)  It's not often these days that I hear "happy birthday" being sung to me.   
• I didn't have a high school prom, in the American sense. We had a spring semi-formal dance in the high school gym, to which my sister & I wore sundresses, and my class had a graduation cruise, to which the girls wore short dresses.
• We wore long dresses & suits to our high school graduation ceremony. Caps & gowns were adopted the following year.  
• I missed picking up my diploma for my undergraduate degree, because I was already beginning a year-long master's degree program at another school in another province. I did get to attend that graduation with my parents & my future dh.
• I did have a lovely traditional wedding, preceded by a couple of small bridal showers -- one hosted by my aunt and attended mostly by relatives on my dad's side of the family, and one hosted by a neighbour of my parents.
• But because our wedding was 1,000 miles away, the only people from dh's family who attended were those in the wedding party -- his dad, brother & two cousins.  The cousins on his mother's side of the family took us out for dinner before our wedding, when I came to Toronto to hunt for apartments, and when we returned from our honeymoon, we were taken straight from the airport to his aunt's house, where his dad's relatives held a "welcome home" gathering for us. 
• A baby shower was planned (but never held). 
• My sister & I hosted big catered parties for both our parents' 40th & 50th wedding anniversaries (as well as a party at their house for their 25th, years earlier). The 50th anniversary party coincided with our own 25th.  Of course, we don't have any kids to plan milestone wedding anniversary parties for us.  My sister did ask whether the 50th party should be a combined 50th/25th, but I thought that would complicate matters and that my parents deserved their own milestone celebration (and, for that matter, so did we..!) .  We usually mark our anniversaries with dinner out & the exchange of cards, although we will usually do something more special for the ones divisible by 5.
• I recently retired -- but, since I lost my job 18 months earlier, there was no retirement party. I never even got to say goodbye to most of my coworkers.  (I was presented with a bouquet at a department meeting and taken to lunch with my immediate team on my 25th work anniversary, and attended a big banquet for long-service employees later that year.) 

Of course, nothing in this life is perfect, and so often, the anticipation of these events turns out to be the best thing about them. ;)  But most people get to relive, or improve on, the rituals and celebrations and milestones they experienced as a child with their own children as they grow up. Those of us without children don't get to do that. Moreover, we often don't even get invited to participate when family members & friends celebrate (e.g., kids' birthday parties). Often, it's assumed that we wouldn't enjoy these occasions, or be interested. Maybe some of us wouldn't be -- but some of us would. It's always nice to be included with an invitation, even if we opt not to take part.

Ultimately, it's up to us to decide what milestones and life passages are important to us, how we want to celebrate them (or not) and to remind others that, even if we don't have kids, we have a life that's worth celebrating too.  Menopause parade, anyone?? 

*** *** ***

Jody Day of Gateway Women touched on the importance of rituals -- and the absence thereof for childless women -- with Sasha Cagen of Quirkyalone. (This topic comes up in the conversation around the 26-minute mark, but the entire video is worth watching.) 

#MicroblogMondays: Life, motherhood & challenges

I've been trying to think what, if anything, I wanted to write about the "Motherhood Challenge" that's been popping up on my Facebook feed lately -- particularly when others have already said it so much better.  (Just Google "motherhood challenge" to get a broad array of opinion pieces on the matter.)  My own favourite response was from a childfree woman who posted photos of herself, snuggled under the covers, cradling a bottle of wine. ;)

Beyond the usual glorification of motherhood as the be-all-and-end-all of existence (conveniently ignoring the growing segment of the female population who are not and will not ever be mothers, some by choice, others by chance and circumstance), I think part of my issue with the "motherhood challenge" is with the word "challenge." Yes, I know, you are "challenging" the friends you tag to post photos that demonstrate why you love to be a mom (question: what if you have kids but none of your friends tag you to participate?? Is that a judgment on your mothering skills, or the quality of your so-called friendship, or...???).  But lumping it together with the word "motherhood" puts the focus on the messages we've had drummed into our heads (or at least MY head, and maybe it's my own insecurities talking here...):  that motherhood is a challenge, THE most important challenge that trumps everything else -- i.e., that other challenges (especially when you don't have kids) are somehow lesser-than, less important.

OK, we get it. It's a challenge. It's hard work. VERY.  But that's not to say that non-moms don't face their own challenges -- and those of us who tried to become moms but didn't certainly know all about challenges. 

We all face challenges in life sometimes, whether or not you're a parent. In the end, it's how we deal with them, and how we treat each other in the process, that matters.  

Those of you who don't have kids: what five photos would you post to show what you love about childless/free living?  (You don't have to actually post them anywhere, but tell us about them!) :)

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.  

Such a fine sight to see...

I've been listening a lot to the Eagles lately (again), and humming "Take it Easy" and "Already Gone" in the shower.  I'm sure I'm not the only one.

David Bowie's death in mid-January, at 69, was sad and shocking -- but I will admit he was never one of my favourites, growing up -- although I certainly knew his music, and grew to like and respect it more in later years. As a teenager in the '70s, growing up in a small town on the Prairies, he just seemed kind of weird, lol.

A few days later, someone posted a list on Facebook showing the ages of a long list of classic rockers, all over the age of 65 (see left), with the reminder "Appreciate them while we can." It was a sobering read. I mean, I know that Paul McCartney is less than a year younger than my mother (!) -- but to see all those names and ages all together was a sad reminder that they're not getting any younger (and -- cough, cough -- neither are we).  :( 

"Grace Slick is 76??!!"  I noted as I shared the post on Facebook. And a few days later, Paul Kantner, her bandmate in Jefferson Airplane (and father of her daughter, China), was dead at 74 -- as was Signe Anderson, the singer Slick replaced.

But Glenn Frey's sudden death at the age of 69, not long after Bowie's, was a shocker. Suddenly, it seems like the musical heroes of my growing up years, the guys (and girls) who provided the soundtrack of my youth -- at least, the ones who survived into middle and older age -- are starting to drop like flies. :(

It's not like I had posters of the Eagles on my bedroom wall or anything like that. (That honour was reserved for David Cassidy, Donny Osmond and, later, the Bay City Rollers, lol.  And, at university, Peter Frampton, Bruce Springsteen -- and Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem, lol.) 

But they were THERE -- always there -- a constant presence on the airwaves and on the stereo, from the time I was entering my teens in the early 1970s, through "The Long Run" which came out in the fall of 1979, just as I was entering university, to their breakup the following year -- and ever since then, on the classic rock radio stations I've always loved to listen to.

I remember taking a multi-day high school band trip, where one of the guys brought along a boombox (powered by slowly dying batteries, lol) and three cassette tapes, which we played ad nauseum. I forget what one of them was, but the other two were Frank Zappa's "Sheik Yerbouti" and the Eagles' "Hotel California." Needless to say, I knew "Hotel California" inside and out by the time the trip was over. (And, for a while, was thoroughly sick of it, lol.) 

The Eagles played a concert locally in late July 1978 -- the Steve Miller Band was the WARMUP act (can you imagine??!). They were also huge at the time -- but nobody was bigger than the Eagles. I don't know why I didn't go -- many of my friends did. I did some Googling to confirm the date and found a news story that mentioned tickets were just $13!!!  I wound up babysitting for a couple who went. I remember thinking how cool that was, to have a mom & dad going to a rock concert. They threw some blankets and bottles of beer in the back seat of the car, and returned home several hours past midnight ( = big payday for me!). No cellphones back then to call to check on the kids!

My future husband -- an even bigger Eagles fan than I am -- saw them a few days later in Toronto. In 1994, the band reunited for their "Hell Freezes Over" tour. Ticket prices were exhorbitant, and hard to get, so we didn't go. A young girl at dh's office asked him if he was going. "No," he responded, "but I saw them on the Hotel California tour in 1978." Her jaw dropped. "HOW OLD ARE YOU???" she gasped. (Answer: In his late 30s at the time.) We laughed about it, then and now, but it was a reminder of the passage of time, and the growing generation gap we were starting to feel.

We watched "History of the Eagles" on CNN last weekend (parts 1 & 2, over four hours, including commercials). It opened with a clip of the band backstage, singing the first lines of "Seven Bridges Road," a cappella. Those harmonies!! Instant chills.

And a profound sense of loss.

A couple of great related articles on this:

• Reading Rock Star Obituaries by Timothy Egan (New York Times)
• David Bowie, Glenn Frey and the End of the Classic Rock Era by David Browne (Rolling Stone)

#MicroblogMondays: Today, it's official!

Back in the '70s, there was a popular saying (in fact, I seem to remember it as a commercial jingle/song), "Today is the first day of the rest of your life." That little jingle has been running through my head the last few days as I approached this day.

Of course, EVERY day is the first day of the rest of your life, right?  ;) -- but today feels just slightly special because it's my first official day as a PENSIONER. Yes -- technically, I haven't worked since July 22, 2014 -- but as of today, February 1st, 2016, I'm officially retired. Freedom 55 lives!! lol 

It feels like this day has been a long time coming. (I know, it probably feels like it for you readers too, right?? lol -- sorry!)  I never got to have a retirement party or say goodbye to my coworkers the way I imagined. :(  But dh is taking me out for lunch to celebrate.  A nice way to kick off February (my least favourite month) and the official start of this new phase in my/our life.

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.