"Up your nose with a.... " *

(*any of my fellow late Boomers/early Gen-Xers able to complete that quote, from a well-known TV show of the 1970s??) 

I had my COVID-19 test (as well as my pre-op bloodwork and an ECG) this morning, at the same hospital where my surgery is scheduled for Friday.  Now I know what it's like to have a miniature mascara wand shoved up (WAY up!) my nose.  :p I won't pretend it was pleasant -- it was actually just a wee bit painful -- but it was over fairly quickly.   

Testing (at this site, anyway) is done by appointment only, and is set up directly inside the doors of a far wing of the hospital, away from the main entrance. It was very busy, but well organized. There was a (socially distanced) lineup outside the doors, but things moved quickly.  I was in & out in about 10-15 minutes. (The entire visit, including the bloodwork & ECG in another wing of the hospital, took about an hour total.) They gave me a clean (disposable) mask to put on (I got another one when I went to the other wing for the bloodwork), had me sanitize my hands, took my temperature, pulse and blood oxygen levels. I must have gone through the COVID screening questionnaire at least half a dozen times at various checkpoints during my visit. All the staff members I saw wore both masks & face shields.  

Total out-of-pocket cost to me: Zero. The testing centre even gave me a pass for free parking. I didn't even have to show my health card;  I'd downloaded the hospital app and pre-entered my card number and other personal information to speed things up.  #thankfultobecanadian

Now on to the REAL challenge: my surgery/procedure on Friday! 

LOL moment of the morning: Before he took my blood samples, the lab guy asked me a few questions -- including whether I was pregnant. (!!!) (Dude, I just told you my BIRTHDATE!!)  I started laughing and said (very firmly!), "NO!"  He said, "Sorry, standard questions we have to ask."  Whatever...! 

#MicroblogMondays: Small pleasures & annoying things

Small pleasures: 

• The first real snowfall of the year (all day yesterday) & how pretty it looks, sticking to the trees. 
• Also: Not having to shovel it, or commute in it!  lol 
• New, Christmas card-worthy photos on social media of a rosy-cheeked Little Great-Nephew, bundled up and getting pulled through the snow in his new sled (birthday present) by his parents. 
• Three Zoom calls on Saturday (!!), almost (but not quite) back to back to back, all with fun & interesting groups of people. :)  
• The first Skype call with my parents in a long time on Sunday afternoon. (Long story as to why we haven't done it lately...!) 

Annoying things: 

• How dark it gets by 5 p.m. these days (& we haven't even reached winter solstice yet...!). 
• How few books I've read so far this month. (I still have another week to go, though...!) 
• My high school class announced on our Facebook Group page that the usual class Christmas party in our hometown is moving onto Zoom this year (eeeeeekkkkkk!).  Do I RSVP yes or not?? (I doubt I'd be missed if I didn't attend... on the other hand, I'd probably surprise a few people if I did...!  I haven't been to one of our reunions since 1989!)
• (I told dh I'd wait & see if any of my friends were going -- does that sound like high school or what??  lol)  
• Rising COVID-19 cases and new restrictions, both here in Ontario and in my home province of Manitoba. :(  
• COVID-19 test & bloodwork on Wednesday, hysteroscopy and d&c on Friday. (Assuming non-emergency/diagnostic procedures like mine don't get cancelled before then, because, COVID.)  And then the wait for the results! 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.  

Weekend odds & ends

• I realized, after it was published, that my recent post "The ties that bind (or not)" was post #173 this year. The significance of that number: I've now posted more often this year than any year since I first started blogging, 13 years ago. (Previous record:  I posted 172 times in 2008, my first full year of blogging.) And there's still about six weeks left to go in 2020! Don't ask me how I keep finding things to write about, but I do...! Not bad for someone who is almost 60, 22 years past her daughter's stillbirth and coming up to 20 years past her last infertility treatment. :)  
• Being retired certainly helps, I'm sure. Also, being in a pandemic has provided plenty of fodder for blog posts...! Plus, I was always the kid who turned in a five-page story when the teacher asked for a paragraph, lol. ;)  
• Lena Dunham's piece in Harpers magazine, which I mentioned here, has apparently received backlash from some of the #IVFWarriors she writes about, who did not take kindly to her descriptions of them, or of the adoption & fertility industries. 
• Katy at Chasing Creation had a few posts and stories on the subject on Instagram (where she now has 5,000!! followers!), pointing out the very different perceptions she'd noticed among women still in treatment or parenting after infertility, who took umbrage at Dunham's words, and those of us who (also) left treatment without babies, who were by & large thrilled to have our experience described so well by a public figure (and in a prestigious forum like Harpers, to boot). Said Katy: "I'm sad that public voices from our community are so rare that it's noteworthy and feels like Christmas when we get any visibility." In another IG post, referring to the negative reaction to the article, she said, "It's a perfect illustration as to why those of us who are childless don't always feel supported in sharing our stories and often don't feel included in the infertility community."
• I will admit, reading about the mixed reaction to the Harpers article (without reading a whole lot of #IVFwarriors posts themselves, because I don't follow many people these days who are still in treatment) reminded me of the kerfuffle within our ALI blogging community in early 2012 (8!! years ago!), when a rift developed between bloggers who were parenting after infertility and those still in treatment (while those of us in the CNBC corner of the community looked at each other & went, "Ummmm, hello, over here??"). (Sadly, I don't think our community ever fully recovered from that episode, although blogging was probably past its heyday at that point anyway...)   
• Did you read the article? What did you think? 
• After a lot of agonizing, we did go to BIL's on Little Great-Nephew's 1st birthday last Tuesday evening after supper. We stayed about an hour -- long enough to watch presents being opened, to sing "Happy Birthday" and have a piece of cake (which I will admit we originally didn't intend to do -- just goes to show you how hard it is to firmly stick to your guns in these situations...!).  We did wear masks the entire time, except when eating our cake (& I stood at the kitchen counter to eat mine, away from the table). Younger Nephew & his wife also came over, and when they saw dh & I wearing our masks, they promptly put theirs on too. (Great-Nephew will have some interesting photos in his birthday album, lol.)  They took their cake into the living room to eat. 
• The city of Toronto and one of its neighbouring regions (fortunately, not the one I live in) will be going into another lockdown on Monday, for the next 28 days. Among the places that must close:  non-essential retail, gyms, hair salons and barbershops, indoor AND outdoor dining (not that many places here are still doing outdoor dining right now, unless than have patio heaters...!).  Supermarkets, pharmacies and big-box stores like Walmart and Costco will remain open, other stores can offer curbside pickup and delivery, and restaurants can still offer takeout and delivery.  No indoor gatherings with people outside your household. 
• Trying to decide whether to get haircuts a bit earlier than we usually would, just in case the lockdown gets extended to other regions...!  (This week will be four weeks since our last ones;  we usually go every six weeks.)  
• My COVID-19 test & bloodwork is scheduled for Wednesday;  my hysteroscopy and d&c will be Friday morning. I'm getting nervous. Please pray/send positive thoughts/vibes, etc. that (1) the procedure goes ahead as scheduled and doesn't get cancelled/postponed because of rising COVID rates -- I've waited five long weeks to have this done already...!  and (2) that all goes well and that (3) the results are good. (I don't know how long I'll have to wait for those. The sooner the better, obviously.) 

The ties that bind (or not)

Since talking to my mom about the undecided fate of the family heirlooms & photos (and then venting about it here) I've been thinking about extended family relationships, and how close I am (or not -- mostly not...) to certain relatives.   

Maybe it's because I don't have children of my own that I've been thinking a lot about my cousins and their families (on both sides of my family), and that I wished we were closer, that I knew more of them better. Kind of an alternative way of leaving my mark on the world, if you know what I mean. 

But -- I've lived 1,000 miles away from most of my relatives since I got married 35 years ago, so I haven't had the chance to see most of them very often, let alone get to know their children as they grew into adulthood. My mom has passed on tidbits from family gatherings and from conversations with my aunts & uncles, I exchange Christmas cards & letters with some of the ones I was closest to in childhood, and of course, I've been able to stay in touch with some cousins & other people I might otherwise have lost track of through social media. 

I've come to realize that while I'd like to be closer to some of my cousins than I am, not everyone feels the same about me. I don't mean that they dislike me, or that they wouldn't be happy to see me if we happened to run into each other or showed up at the same extended family gathering. It's just that everyone is wrapped up in their own families and lives. Even the cousins without spouses &/or kids have jobs, and aging parents they're looking out for, and friends and social activities that keep them busy. Out of sight, out of mind, right? 

I've also come to realize that maybe, in some cases, the gap between us has become too wide to bridge in a meaningful way. We might have some shared memories from the past to bond over, but otherwise, I don't have an awful lot in common with some of them. It would be nice if things were different -- but they're not, and they're probably not going to change much. It is what it is...

And you know what? More and more, I'm realizing: that's okay. 

"Giving up on motherhood" (?)

This piece by Lena Dunham -- the cover story (!) of the new issue of Harpers -- is already circulating widely among my infertility/CNBC peers.  After struggling for years with severe endometriosis, she made the decision in early 2018 to have a hysterectomy at age 31 (and wrote about that experience too -- which I blogged about here).  

"The moment I lost my fertility I started searching for a baby," the article begins. Dunham became obsessed, first with adoption, and then with IVF, when she realized she could use eggs from her one remaining ovary, fertilized by her boyfriend's sperm and carried by a surrogate. The article describes her personal experiences at the infertility clinic, as well as her online encounters with "#IVF Warriors." The paragraph that caught my attention was this one: 

If there’s one person less welcome among the IVF Warriors than a new mother, it is a woman who has given up on becoming one. For though these communities were created to support women trapped in the fertility-industrial complex, they hold fast to its founding commandment: never quit, because nothing is impossible. In a culture where some mothers are told that their children’s lives are worth nothing at all, other women—women who look like me and most of the IVF Warriors—are told that no expense is too great to bring another child into the world.

The subtitle of this piece is "Giving up on motherhood." At least one comment I've seen thus far speculates that Dunham might not have given up, really -- that she may turn to adoption after all. She certainly has the resources to do so, if she wants to. I guess we'll see what happens...

One year of cuteness :)

One year ago today, I became a great-aunt for the first time (and hopefully not the last...!). :)  Of course, last November, we had absolutely NO idea what kind of a year lay ahead of us all!  As much as 2020 has sucked, though, little Great-Nephew has been the very best thing about it, by far. He has brought all of us so much joy, even in the limited doses we've been able to experience it.  The worst thing about this past year has not being able to spend more time with him. We live so close -- just a 15 minute drive away -- but sometimes it might almost as well be 15 hours. :(  We missed his baptism, first Easter, first Thanksgiving and first Halloween, as well as just regular family fun times with him. at a time in his life when he's growing & changing so quickly. Yes, I resent it!  One of the big reasons we moved here was to get in on some of the great-nephew/niece action, when they started arriving. It doesn't seem fair that we don't get to have kids or grandkids of our own, and now we're being denied even this small pleasure too. :(  

We’ve decided we’ll go over there after supper tonight to bring him his presents, but wear masks & not stay long. With case rates skyrocketing again, the provincial government is strongly recommending not to socialize with anyone outside your immediate household. BIL, SIL and Older Nephew (the dad) all head out to work every day, and Nephew's Wife (the mom) regularly sees her mom, plus she's been seeing several of her friends. 

Plus, I have to take a COVID test on the 25th, two days before my hysteroscopy/d&c on the 27th, so I need to be extra-careful. By the time the 27th rolls around, I will have waited five weeks -- so I don’t want to jeopardize things, even for an adorable great-nephew.  I told dh that I will be REALLY pissed off if I take all these precautions, we miss out on fully celebrating his birthday with the rest of the family -- and then my procedure gets cancelled anyway because of rising COVID case #s. It’s a diagnostic/non-emergency thing... they were cancelled before, last spring, and it could easily happen again.   

But that's still 10 days away, and it's something I don't have any control over. Today, I just want to bask in the cuteness, and in the very real pleasures of being a great-auntie. :)  

Little Great-Nephew,
a few days before Halloween. :) 

"Do You Feel Like I Do?: A Memoir" by Peter Frampton

One of the biggest albums when I was growing up in the 1970s (and one of the biggest albums ever, period) was "Frampton Comes Alive," the 1976 double live concert LP by British-born guitarist Peter Frampton, formerly of the bands The Herd and Humble Pie. Believe it or not, I didn't own a copy -- but then I didn't really need to, because the songs were all over the radio, and all my friends had it. ;)  

Frampton was already well-established as one of the best guitarists in the business, and I enjoyed his music, but as a 15-year-old in 1976, I think the main attraction was that he was damned cute, lol. (And still is, at 70! -- even without that glorious mane of hair, lol.) (The teenybopper image and the emphasis on his looks drove him nuts -- sorry, Peter!)  I even endured sitting through the godawful 1978 movie version of "Sergeant Pepper's Lonelyhearts Club Band" just to see him as Billy Shears (with the Bee Gees also starring as the Hendersons).  The walls of my first-year university dorm room were plastered with posters, but the two dominant ones, side by side, were of Dr. Teeth & the Electric Mayhem of The Muppet Show and Peter Frampton. ;)  (See below for proof!)  

So I was eager to scoop up a copy of Frampton's memoir,  "Do You Feel Like I Do?"  when it came out last month (COVID be damned -- this was worth risking a trip to the bookstore, lol).  

Frampton got the guitar bug as a child (his first guitar hero was Hank Marvin of the Shadows) and quickly became something of a prodigy, getting involved in bands when he was barely into his teens. He became friends with a guy at school who also played the guitar -- an art student of his father's, named Dave Jones, who later became better known as David Bowie. When Frampton's career slumped in the 1980s, Bowie hired him as a guitarist on his Glass Spider tour, and helped him redefine his career. Also as a teenager, Frampton was introduced to Bill Wyman of the Rolling Stones, who became a mentor and lifelong friend. 

I'll admit, I thought this book dragged in parts, particularly through Frampton's retelling of the early years of his career. I probably could have done without the exhaustive recounting of what seemed like every gig he ever played and every musician he ever played with. There's lots of name dropping -- often prefaced by "my dear friend..." -- Peter seems to have lots of "dear friends," lol.  There's the usual tales of sex, drugs & rock & roll, naivete, ripoffs, bad business decisions and just plain bad management.  

The story picked up with the success of "Frampton Comes Alive," and the pressures it placed on Peter to come up with something just as enormous. He has some great stories to tell:  the best is probably how he lost his favourite guitar in a plane crash in 1980 -- and then, incredibly, was reunited with it again, 30+ years later, just in time for his Frampton Comes Alive 35th anniversary tour. Frampton has dubbed it "Phenix," and the guitar becomes a metaphor for the rise, fall and rise again of his long, storied career. 

Sadly, in 2015, Frampton was diagnosed with inclusion body myositis (IBM), an inflammatory disease that weakens and atrophies the muscles in the arms, hands, and legs. Since then, he's been recording like crazy, stockpiling material in anticipation of the day when he can no longer play guitar.  (The UK/European leg of his farewell tour was cut short earlier this year by COVID-19.) He's also dedicated himself to raising funds and awareness for IBM and other autoimmune diseases. 

Peter Frampton seems like a genuinely nice, decent, good-humoured guy who, despite some slip-ups and moments of bad judgment, eventually carved out a long-lasting career for himself as one of music's all-time greats, and who is determined to make the most of the time & remaining good health that he has left on this planet.  I saw on Instagram recently that he finally met his granddaughter, born earlier this year, for the first time, because of COVID-19. He refers to himself as "Frampa,"  lol. 

If you're a Frampton fan, this is obviously a must-read. Even if you're not a huge fan, if you grew up in the 1970s as I did, you will probably enjoy the nostalgia trip. 

3.5 stars on Goodreads, rounded up to 4. 

(ALI alert: Frampton's youngest daughter, Mia, now an actress, was an IVF baby.)  

This was Book #39 read to date in 2020 (Book #2 finished in November), bringing me to 130% of my 2020 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 30 books. I have completed & now exceeded my challenge goal for the year by 9 books, and am (for the moment, anyway...!) 13 books ahead of schedule. :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2020 tagged as "2020 books." 

First-year university dorm room, September 1979. 
On the wall:  Dr. Teeth & the Electric Mayhem on the left, 
Peter Frampton in all his long-haired 1970s glory on the right. :)