When a door closes...

A Facebook find that resonated with me...
(Sometimes easier said than done, of course...!) 

#MicroblogMondays: A few annoying things...

(An occasional series, inspired by Mali!) 

• Hot, humid weather (already), which meant closing up the balcony door & turning on the a/c.  It wasn't that long ago we still had the heat on. There has to be a happy medium...
• Getting woken up by construction noise on the townhouse building site behind us, on a morning when I'd really like to sleep in. 
• Not being able to make summer vacation plans because of FIL's health issues. I am glad we can be here to help, but at the same time, I miss my own family too. :( 
• The onslaught of photos on social media from the end of the school year (which has already begun, with my friends in the U.S., and will continue through to the end of June with my friends here in Canada...!), reminding me of what I don't and never will have... 
• Crying during a sad movie/TV show (in this case, a new adaptation of "Little Women" on PBS, which I had PVRd), and feeling tired and drained and melancholy for the rest of the day. 
• Having to wait another week to find out what happens next on "The Handmaid's Tale." 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.  

"Ask Me About My Uterus" by Abby Norman

I don't have endometriosis. At least, I don't THINK I do. Put it this way, I've never been diagnosed with it (yet). But I'm willing to bet there are very few of us -- particularly here in the ALI community -- who haven't been plagued with some sort of gynecological issues or mysteries -- even just occasionally painful &/or heavy menstrual periods. (Or even just plain old medical mysteries, period.)

"Ask Me About My Uterus: A Quest to Make Doctors Believe in Women's Pain" describes Abby Norman's quest to make sense of her own experiences with endometriosis -- as well as other mysterious maladies.  It intertwines her personal story with the research she has done on endometriosis and other women's health issues -- including psychology, menstruation, infertility and childlessness (by choice, and not). You probably won't be surprised to learn that she found information and support from other women through the Internet.

Norman had a heartbreaking childhood -- her mother battled an eating disorder all her life and was barely present in her life, her father was mostly absent, her brother was autistic, her grandmother was abusive, and she legally emancipated herself when she was just 16.  Nevertheless, with the support of a handful of caring adults, she earned herself a scholarship to Sarah Lawrence College in New York, where she flourished. 

Then one day, early in her sophomore year, she was stricken with pain -- which became so debilitating and so persistent that she was eventually forced to drop out. Her illness also had an adverse effect on her passion for dancing, her relationships, her sex life, her ability to work and her finances (this being America, she quickly amassed a crippling load of debt related to her huge medical bills).

Many of the doctors Norman consulted suggested her medical issues were mostly psychological -- i.e., all in her head -- something she learned has been an all-too common experience for women throughout history. (She notes they started to pay more attention when she brought her boyfriend along to appointments:  "...my suffering alone wasn't enough to inspire action. Becoming a disappointment to a man, though, seemed to do the trick.")  And so Norman set out to educate herself -- and confounded her doctors by successfully diagnosing herself not just once but twice.

"I had two choices," she writes:

I could either stay bitter and disappointed about what I didn't have, what I would never have, or I could see the loss of control as an opportunity to change direction again. The hurdle was, I didn't want to go in any direction other than the one I'd been going in when I got sick. But that road was a dead end.  

...I finally decided that I could either try to live my life the way I'd wanted to, where I would continuously fail because I was asking too much of my body, or I could design an entirely new life. (p. 223-224)

The book ends somewhat unsatisfyingly (SPOILER ALERT), with Norman still battling mysterious health issues. But yet, isn't that true to real life sometimes? We don't always get satisfactory or lasting solutions presented to us on a silver platter, all neatly tied up with a big, pretty bow. 

The book has its flaws -- it rambles a bit, and might have benefited from more editing -- but Norman deserves kudos, not only for surviving, but also for shedding light on an important and neglected topic, and for doing it so eloquently. It deserves to be read widely, and it especially should be read by doctors of all kinds. I gave this four stars on Goodreads.

This was book #10 that I've read so far in 2018, bringing me to 42% of my 2018 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 24 books.  I am (for the monent, anyway...!) one book AHEAD of schedule to meet my goal!  :)  

Deja vu

FIL's doctors have estimated he has about 2-3 months left with us. :(   He may very well be gone by the time fall rolls around. :(  And I'm getting a distinct feeling of deja vu...

Twenty years ago this month, I was happily pregnant and seeing my ob-gyn for the first time.

I also asked him whether there would be any restrictions on me travelling that summer (thinking ahead to a visit home to see my parents and my grandparents, & show off my pregnant belly to the extended family) -- nope, "enjoy your vacation," he said.

Of course, best-laid plans, etc. etc., and he was singing a very different tune after my routine prenatal tests (triple screen blood test, ultrasound and amniocentisis) revealed some potential problems with the pregnancy. :(

Thursday morning, June 25th, I called Dr. Ob-gyn's office again. I thanked the receptionist for the referral & said Dr. Geneticist was able to answer most of our questions. I told that we were supposed to be heading out on vacation in a couple of weeks. Should we cancel? Play it by ear? 

She consulted with the dr & told us we should think about rescheduling, because we needed to be available "in case of adverse results." I didn't want to think about what that might mean. I called our travel agent & asked: what if we had to cancel? 

Well, our tickets were non-refundable -- and we had not purchased cancellation insurance (uh oh!). She said we could cancel now or the day of the flight. However, we could rebook for the face value of the tickets for up to one year later, plus pay a penalty of $107 per ticket -- and a $25 service fee. Well, it was better than totally throwing away $945. I told my boss that I would be taking the next day off for the amnio, & that there was a change in my vacation plans.

We normally head west to visit my family in mid/late July. This year, my sister was not able to secure July dates for her vacation and is taking two weeks off in early August.  So we were planning to head home then, so that I could spend some time with her too, and so that we could both help our parents with whatever projects they needed assistance with. I hadn't yet booked plane tickets -- and then FIL's health issues intervened.

I haven't told my family yet, but dh & I agree there's no point in booking flights right now when the situation is so uncertain. :(  We don't want to have to cancel and incur financial penalties, or head west and then just have to turn around & fly home again. I know they will be disappointed -- but they are practical too. ;)  I think they will understand.

It's been a long time since we missed a visit with my parents in the summertime. (20 years, I think...!) Maybe I will try to head home by myself for a shorter visit (a week, maybe) -- or maybe we can go later in the fall?  It's been a long time since I've had my mother's fabulous turkey for Canadian Thanksgiving...!  ;)  (20 years ago, I wound up going "back home" for the first time in mid-October, after my grandfather passed away. It was strange to be there at a completely different time of year than usual -- but beautiful too.) 

Meanwhile, poor dh is driving back & forth to visit FIL (about 45 minutes, in Toronto's horrendous traffic) and take him to medical appointments, etc., every other day or so.  (I go sometimes too, but not every visit.)  I've told him he won't regret spending the time with FIL -- but of course, the time in traffic is another thing...!  :p

Besides vacation, other things are on hold at the moment, like our social life. My aunt has been visiting in the area (about an hour's drive away) and wanted to get together -- but I had to tell her that FIL's health issues are consuming our/dh's time and energy right now, and he's not up to much beyond that. :(  (He's doing enough driving as it is...!)  I do have a lunch date with some online (non-ALI) friends downtown next week -- I can take the subway there -- and am looking forward to that. 

And several months ago, I bought us (very expensive) theatre tickets to see "Come From Away" on our wedding anniversary in early July -- so we will probably (still) book a hotel room downtown, have dinner somewhere around there & make a mini-getaway out of it. 

(I'm reminded of Mali, who is also caring for aging in-laws and unable to indulge her love of travel at the moment... so much for being childless/free and having "no responsibilities," right?  :p  )

On the bright (?) side -- I was fretting that by taking vacation in early August, we would not be here for Katie's milestone 20th "anniversary" dates.  Be careful what you wish for, right?  :(

#MicroblogMondays: Victoria Day odds & ends

• It's the Victoria Day long weekend here in Canada (the only place in the world that still celebrates Queen Victoria's birthday, in recognition of her role in our history -- plus, who doesn't love an excuse for a long weekend, right?? lol).  
• Here in Ontario, this has always been a weekend for fireworks, as much or even more so than Canada Day in July.  The laws for buying and setting off home fireworks are much more liberal than they are in Manitoba (or at least were, when I was growing up), and even when we were living in our house, we could often see neighbourhood fireworks displays from our upstairs windows. Here in our 4th floor condo, we had a great view of some of the neighbourhood fireworks last night (and there will probably be more tonight). The best & closest started after we had gone to bed, but I opened up our bedroom curtains & watched them in the darkness while lying in bed. :)  
• Thank you all for your thoughts & prayers for my FIL.  Dh & I went to see him on Saturday, along with BIL & SIL.  He knew all of us this time, and dh thought he looked and sounded much better than he had on Thursday (he'd had seven (!) cookies with his coffee that morning -- perhaps a sugar rush??), but he is still very thin and frail. I am sure there will be good days & bad days in the days & weeks ahead. We are taking him to another medical appointment tomorrow and will see how he is then... 
• My beloved Winnipeg Jets went down to defeat at home yesterday afternoon against the Las Vegas Knights, who will now play in the Stanley Cup finals against either the Washington Capitals or Tampa Bay Lightning (which seems totally bizarre to me -- Las Vegas or Tampa Bay, the champion of Canada's national sport??).  :(  You have to hand it to Las Vegas, though -- this is only their first year of existence, and yet here they are, potential Stanley Cup champions. Still, the Jets went further than they ever had before (since they joined the NHL back in 1979, anyway... I kept thinking back to the magical day when I was in high school and heard on the radio one morning as I was getting ready for school that they were finally being admitted to the NHL.  So much has happened in the 40-odd years since then...!)  Here's hoping for next year...!  ;)   
• If you haven't already seen last night's episode of the The Handmaid's Tale (episode 5), you may or may not appreciate a spoiler alert:  the plot involves a potential miscarriage, including copious amounts of blood on toilet paper, underwear and in the bathtub.  As the New York Times's review of the episode notes, it's "a common female experience that we almost never see on television."  (They were referring to the blood itself, but I suppose they could also be referring to the potential miscarriage too.)  

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.  

Royal wedding

• My fascination with the royal family -- and royalty generally -- began when I was in Grade 1 and living in a small town in rural Saskatchewan. We had a pair of young student "practice" teachers who did a unit with us on the royal family. I have been hooked ever since then. :) 
• We saw the Queen, Prince Philip, Prince Charles & Princess Anne when they visited Manitoba in July 1970 for its centennial. My grandparents came to visit us for the occasion. I was 9 years old, and my sister & I wore the same new dresses we had worn a few weeks earlier for our aunt's wedding (same dress pattern, but hers was lavender & white and mine was lime green & white -- it WAS the Seventies, lol!).  We all attended an ecumenical church service at the fairgrounds in Dauphin, Manitoba (about a 45 minute drive from where we were then living), where Prince Philip read the lesson. The royal couple drove past us in an open-top limousine and my dad got a great picture of the Queen with our Kodak box camera, giving her royal wave with a white-gloved hand. "She was so close I could have reached out & touched her," marvelled my grandfather. 
• I haven't missed a royal wedding since Princess Anne's (the first one, to Captain Mark Phillips, back in the early 1970s), which I watched as a pre-teen on our NEW colour television set!! (My sister reminded me, when I talked to her this weekend, that we also watched Prince Charles's investiture as Prince of Wales on TV, albeit in black & white.) 
• I got up at 4 a.m. (Eastern time) to watch the coverage of this latest wedding (even though I'd been up past 11 p.m. watching the Winnipeg Jets game against Las Vegas...!). The wedding didn't actually start until 7 a.m. my time, but of course, half the fun of these things is watching the guests arrive, critiquing the dresses and hats ;)  etc. etc.
• I figure that by the time the next big royal wedding rolls around (likely George, Charlotte or Louis's), I will be in my late 70s or 80s (gulp), so I'd better enjoy this one now...!  
• (Prince Andrew's younger daughter, Princess Eugenie, is getting married this October -- also at St. George's, Windsor -- but being a lot further down the line of succession than William & Harry, I very much doubt hers will be televised.)  
• Some of my friends were attending (and posting online about) early-morning viewing parties, complete with scones, mimosas and fascinators or tiaras. I just watched in my PJs, by myself -- had some breakfast early on & a cup of tea. I did trade comments with some of my friends on Facebook. :) 
• I will admit I got tears in my eyes when William and Harry emerged from a car and began walking toward the chapel, tall and handsome in their uniforms. Of course I thought about their mom (who was the same age as me) and how very proud she would have been.
• I adored Meghan's dress -- simple and elegant (and that tiara...!). A few friends on social media expressed disappointment that it was so plain/unadorned and traditional -- but Meghan didn't strike me as a lace and frills type of girl -- and let's face it, this was WINDSOR CASTLE -- you can't get much more traditional than that, right??  ;)  Anything strapless (or even sleeveless) or a neckline that was cut too low or a silhouette that was too revealing would have been out of place (not to mention completely inappropriate). 
• The music was wonderful -- nothing like a good old Anglican hymn (I could sing along!). ;)  And the young cellist who played while the registry was being signed was amazing -- although his music was so soothing that I felt like I was going to nod off! (I took the opportunity to revive myself by getting up and making another cup of tea, lol.)
• I also loved all the flowers. I am sure that floral arch over the entryway cost as much as my annual salary when I working...!  
• The juvenile attendants, including Prince George and Princess Charlotte, were adorable, as expected -- but I think the Mulroney twins, Brian & John, stole the show, carrying Meghan's ultra-long veil.  (Their sister Ivy was also a bridesmaid.)  The photo of one of the twins reacting in delight as the trumpets sounded the bride's entry into the chapel -- complete with a missing tooth, lol -- was priceless. 
• Most of the American & British coverage I read focused on the twins' mom, Jessica, one of Meghan's best friends. Those of us here in Canada (and especially those of us of an, ahem, certain vintage, cough, cough...!) probably think of them in terms of their famous grandpa, our former prime minister, Brian Mulroney (who must have been busting his buttons) -- or perhaps their equally famous dad, PM Brian's oldest son, Ben, who was not only in attendance but seated in one of the best spots in the house (some thought it was even better than the Queen's!).  
• It was somewhat bizarre to see Ben Mulroney looming up behind Meghan every time the camera showed her at the altar. He's a very well-known TV host here in Canada. For those of you in the States, think Ryan Seacrest, if Ryan Seacrest also hosted Good Morning America on top of his American Idol and red carpet awards show duties.
• (I read that Ben remembers Harry's mom, Diana, coming up to see him and his brothers and sister in the nursery at the prime minister's residence at 24 Sussex Drive in Ottawa.  Which seems appropriate, when you think that Harry is now Duke of Sussex...) 
• I enjoyed seeing the guests arrive, although I wish the TV commentators had done a better job of identifying some of them as they arrived. I kept saying, "Umm, umm, I KNOW I know who that is...!" (But could I think of the name? No.)  I was glad to see the Duchess of York (Fergie) there and looking good.  George and Amal Clooney looked as fabulous as ever. Does Victoria Beckham ever crack a smile??  And how about Prince Philip, who will soon be 97 years old?? -- the TV hosts were saying he was likely to arrive on crutches, since he just recently had hip surgery, but he walked in & out of the church unassisted. 
• I was struck by how grown-up the Earl & Countess of Wessex (Edward & Sophie)'s kids, Louise & James, are now. Both are rumoured to be IVF babies, and I vividly remember that Sophie had an ectopic pregnancy, around the same time I was going through infertility treatment myself. 
• Princess Anne's daughter, Zara Tindall, was hugely pregnant. Did you know she lost a baby previously? 
• Did anyone see Princess Margaret's offspring, David and Sarah and their families?  They are not as visible these days (perhaps more so in Britain than hereabouts?) and I haven't seen them in quite some time, so perhaps they were there & (I am sure they were...) and I just didn't see or recognize them. (I took the opportunity to Google them, and yikes, I didn't realize their children are now in their late teens and early 20s. Time flies...!)  
• Of course, there is already speculation about when Meghan will announce a pregnancy (the anchors on one network (CTV?) were taking bets with each other!!). I even read one headline speculating she is already pregnant!  UGH, give it a rest!! 

Did you watch? What did you think? 

This sucks :(

My father-in-law is slipping away from us, mentally and physically. :(  Once energetic and restless, the life of the party (he was still mowing his own lawn -- and it's a large one -- when he was 84, and  insisted just four or five years ago, when he was 85, that he could go up on the roof and fix the chimney at stepSIL's house!!), he has been going downhill over the past couple of years, and has deteriorated in a shocking way since Younger Nephew's wedding last month -- particularly over the last two weeks. Dh notices a visible difference (and not a good one) every time he visits -- and he's been visiting more often since we learned the extent of FIL's health issues last week.

The nephews and their wives visited their grandfather last weekend, and reported that FIL did not remember Younger Nephew, nor the girls. :(  But he's never not recognized dh, until today. He thought dh was his younger brother at first (i.e., dh's uncle).  There IS a strong family resemblance -- and Uncle had been there to visit earlier in the day.

But still... :( 

Dh told me today that FIL asked him, "Do you have any kids?"  (!) :(  His heart just sank, and he thought, "I'm not getting into THAT with him...!" so he just said, "No, Dad."

FIL looked puzzled and said, "You never got married?"  (!)

"No, Dad, I'm married, we just don't have any kids."

A while later: "So how many kids do you have?" :( 

I burst into tears when he told me this. :( 

FIL was so, so happy when I was pregnant.  I can remember him coming up the front walk of our house with this huge grin on his face & putting his hand on my stomach & asking, "So how's my baby??"  And then when I lost her, coming up the walk again with this horribly sad expression on his face. I started crying when I saw him because I remembered the other time and how happy he was.

After Katie's funeral, when we paid our first return visit to the cemetery, FIL had already beaten us there. The plaque with the little bud vase attached was not yet mounted on Katie's niche, but there was a bouquet of flowers duct-taped (! -- typical FIL, lol) to the granite wall, with a little note that said (in Italian) "Your grandparents." I don't think he's ever been back there since then -- but I'll never forget that he was the first. 

This sucks. :(