"If you invest all of your identity in one basket, then you put your self-esteem and emotional well-being at risk," the article says.
"Many of us get fixated on certain aspects of our identity more than others. Social pressures can also force us into over-identifying with a certain aspect of our identity, which then drowns out other areas of our lives."
The article quotes Tim Ferriss, author of "The 4-Hour Work Week," who mentions a concept called “identity diversification:”
When you have money, it’s always smart to diversify your investments. That way if one of them goes south, you don’t lose everything. It’s also smart to diversify your identity, to invest your self-esteem and what you care about into a variety of different areas — business, social life, relationships, philanthropy, athletics — so that when one goes south, you’re not completely screwed over and emotionally wrecked.Of course, the woman who posted this article (and those of us who read it) viewed it through the lens of infertility and childlessness. For all the progress women have made in so many spheres, many of us still stake a huge part of our identity and self-worth on motherhood and our children. What happens when that particular part of our life vanishes (when the children grow up and leave the nest) -- or (in the case of infertility & loss) never materializes to begin with?
Read the article & tell me -- what do you think?
You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.
I really love this notion, that to have a stable identity, you might want to have several legs underneath you. THanks for alerting me to the article. Not a TR fan, but I found it insightful anyway.
ReplyDeleteNot a TR fan either, Lori, but I thought this made a lot of sense!
DeleteI totally agree with this. We need to diversify our identities. I saw it with my FIL, who felt as if he had no value once he retired. I see it with mothers who struggle with their identities when their kids go to school, or when they leave home. I see it with a couple of people who dropped me when I stopped working full-time, because they felt the only value anyone had, and the only worthwhile activities, were work or work-related. And of course, it is totally appropriate to those of us who wanted to have children, and then struggled with our self-worth when we couldn't. (Society's attitudes about a woman's value don't help, of course, as they reinforce the attitude). Accepting that self-worth is so much more than being a mother is a key to our healing. And it makes us much healthier in the long run. It is why I wrote the post Who I Am (https://nokiddinginnz.blogspot.com/2012/07/who-i-am.html) - which I now see I must update.
ReplyDeleteInteresting... I think this is why so many people struggle with retirement, and why the empty nesters often get divorced. I worry sometimes that I won't know who I am if I'm not teaching. My best friend is struggling with this because she has been a stay at home mom for 12 years, and now her kids are 8, 10, and 12, and she's worried that she won't have an identity apart from that. I struggled with not having kids and having put everything into my quest for parenthood, but I think now I'm feeling better about that. Having lots of things that make you, you seems like such a healthy way to go.
ReplyDeleteThis makes so much sense and is a good lesson for everyone. When I was going through infertility treatments I tried not to loose my sense of self by making an effort to keep up with other things such as my job, friends and interests. However I still experienced a huge sense of failure and loss of self worth when my body wasn't doing what it was "supposed to".
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree with this! If my identity was solely based on my ability to conceive and deliver healthy children i wouldn't have an identity. I'd be stuck, having a healthy self-esteem has allowed me to keep moving forward and heal.
ReplyDeleteI love the concept of "diversifying your identity," and I appreciate everyone else's comments. Makes so much sense. I know I'll be thinking about this. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThank you Loribeth for sharing, I agree with the quote :-) Although it sometimes requires more than 24 hours a day to invest all these different areas - I'm struggling right now to achieve this, but alas the 4-Hour Work Week has not yet made its way to Germany ;-)
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