State of the uterus: Waiting

(Previous related posts here, here and here.) 

My ultrasound was Thursday, and now I'm waiting for the results. Monday is Thanksgiving and a statutory holiday, so I won't hear anything until Tuesday at the earliest, or maybe Wednesday.  I'm still spotting, on & off. (It's been more than two weeks now since I first noticed it.)  I had some dark brown spotting on Thursday morning, after my shower but before my appointment, and a bit more (pink) earlier tonight. I also threw my back out in the shower on Wednesday morning, bending over to soap my toes, of all things, which didn't help matters. (It's better, albeit still a bit stiff.  The fact that I am sitting around a lot more than usual, because, COVID = not getting out of the house & moving around as much, is not helping, I'm sure.) 

The ultrasound went... okay, I guess. Of course, they don't tell you anything while you're there. I had to drink a litre (two bottles/four glasses) of water and finish doing it one hour before my appointment. Dh waited in the car while I went inside. I was quickly ushered into the "inside" waiting room. I was the only one there, although both patients & staff were going in & out of exam rooms and the washroom. I didn't have to wait very long. She had me pull the top of my jeans down & my top up and did the outside of my stomach first, sent me to the washroom to empty my bladder, and then had me strip from the waist down and hello, Dildocam, my old friend. At one point, she went over to the computer on her desk, saying she wanted to check something in the report from my last ultrasound.  Ooookay. Not sure what that meant. I know the ultrasound I had in spring 2016 cited a possible small fibroid or thickening of the lining, but it was not a good view. The followup ultrasound later that fall did not find anything noteworthy. 

I'll admit I'm feeling a little nervous. (Also maybe just a little pissed off... just when you think you've finally put this part of your life behind you, right?!) There's also a part of me that thinks I'm going to be punished for trying to subvert Mother Nature and pumping myself full of fertility drugs 20 years ago. :(  It's especially galling when, after all those drugs (and all that money!), I didn't even get a baby after subjecting my body to all that.  

Trying to stay positive and focus on the good things right now. It is Thanksgiving, after all...