Here we go again...
Another 10-month cycle of remembrance and regret, (Groundhog Day, pregnancy loss style?), starting now, running through August and ending in mid-November.
With an added twist this time around.
Feb. 8th, 1998, was the first day of my last period before I got pregnant -- the "LMP" date I was constantly asked for at all my medical appointments.
1998. 25 years ago. TWENTY-FIVE YEARS.
- Feb. 8th: LMP date.
- March 22nd: two lines on the home pregnancy test.
- Aug. 5th: six-month checkup, where no heartbeat was detected (confirmed by ultrasound).
- Aug. 7th: delivery of our stillborn baby daughter, 125 grams.
- Aug. 19th: funeral.
- Nov. 14th: due date.
We recently took BIL & SIL to the cemetery where Katie's ashes are interred in a niche, and on the way there, BIL was asking us how many years it had been. He was shocked to realize just how old she'd be now. (I don't know why; his own kids are in their 30s now...! Although, I'll admit, I find that shocking sometimes too...!)
(By the time I was 25, I'd already been married for six months.)
Feb. 8th (and the other dates) doesn't hurt anything like it did those first few years. But still -- it's Feb. 8th. Again. And not just another year -- a milestone year -- and this is a biggie.
Twenty-five years. Wow.
Ouch.
Ouch, for sure. I'm a day late, but I'm holding space for you as you remember the first glimmers of Katie's existence 25 (!) years ago. All the feels...
ReplyDelete(((((HUGS!!!))))) 25 years. Yes, it's easy for other people to forget the years that have passed, the years that you lost. But never for you. She's always with you. Still, I'm glad BIL and SIL marked this milestone with you.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you. Always and especially this year. Sending you lots and lots of love <3
ReplyDeleteNice post thank you Devin
ReplyDelete