Pre-Voldemort Day odds & ends

• I was shocked to see a notification on my phone yesterday afternoon that Heather B. Armstrong, better known as "Dooce," the pioneering "mommy blogger" and "influencer" (one of the first to be known by those labels, I think), was dead, at the far-too-young age of 47. Even more shocked to read that it was a suicide. :(   (And more so still to read that her daughters, Leta & Marlo, are now 19 & 13...!)   My heart goes out to them, and to the rest of her family.   
• Dooce was blogworld royalty when I first started blogging in late 2007. The NewYork Times, in a 2011 profile, dubbed her "Queen of the Mommy Bloggers."  
• We read & discussed her book in October 2009 for Mel's Barren Bitches Book Tour -- "It Sucked and Then I Cried." I went searching for -- and found! -- my post for that tour, here. (Apologies -- the original formatting got screwed up/removed when I went back to add in some new labels a few years ago, and I haven't gotten around to fixing it yet.  :p  ) 
• I also found a couple of other posts that mentioned her.  From this week in May 2009 (14!! years ago now!!):  

I also picked up It Sucked and Then I Cried by Heather Armstrong, better known on the Internet as Dooce. I had never heard of Dooce until several bloggers mentioned meeting her at last year's BlogHer conference in San Francisco. I checked out her blog & while she definitely falls into the category of mommyblogger (albeit one who's had her own struggles, with PPD), she is also hilarious & worth a read. (But be forewarned -- she is in the last few weeks of her second pregnancy at the moment.)

• And in this post from August 2010, you can read about how I, a childless woman, wound up on a list of "Must-Read Moms 2010" from Parenting magazine, no less (!!), alongside  other notables of the blogosphere of the time, including Dooce. Thanks to Mel for that one too!      
• Here's The Washington Post's article (gift-linked), which does a great job of explaining Armstrong's impact. 
• Also from the WaPo, also giftlinked:  a heartfelt tribute from Lyz Lenz (whose Substack, "Men Yell at Me," is a great read)(I'm a subscriber).  
• Meg Conley from Homeculture writes (and talks, in an audio clip) about Armstrong and what she meant to her. (I haven't listened to the audio yet.)
• It's THAT day again this weekend -- but fear not!  Mali has written a wonderful blog post full of tips on how to get through with your sanity intact (more or less...!).  Well worth a read! 
• Mali's post says it all -- but feel free to browse through my own previous relevant blog posts here. 
• Just in time for "that day," a wonderful new video from Helen Louise Jones of Our Healing Voice and Childless Voices, a choir of involuntarily childless women, singing an original song written by Helen: "Calm After the Storm." I dare you to watch and listen without getting a lump in your throat and/or tears in your eyes!  Please watch, like and share! 
• Helen -- along with a couple of special guests -- is offering a free chanting session for childless-not-by-choice women on Sunday. Details on her website. 
• There was an opinion piece by Peggy O'Donnell Heffington, author of "Without Children" (which I read and reviewed here), in the New York Times recently (drawn from the book material):  "Why Women Not Having Kids Became a Panic." She makes the point here (as well as in the book) that women not having children is not a new phenomenon, and the reasons why are not really a mystery. (Content warning: Matters of politics, including reproductive choice, and hurtful/enraging comments by political and religious leaders are mentioned.) 
• The article ends by asking for stories from women who chose not to be mothers. I don't consider my childlessness to have been much of a "choice" -- and I know many of you don't either -- but I would encourage you to respond, if you feel so inclined! -- remind them that we're out here too!   
• Lauren Kelly, Senior Staff Editor at the NYT, spotlighted the article in the morning Opinion Today newsletter. I loved her comments:  

Like other women who’ve chosen not to have children, I’ve received my share of well-meaning if unhelpful advice. 

You’ll regret it when you’re older.

But you’re missing out on one of life’s great experiences!

 It’s OK to change your mind, you know.

To which I usually say: I appreciate the concern, but I promise — I’m good. 

As Peggy O’Donnell Heffington makes clear in a guest essay for Times Opinion, I’m far from alone in feeling that way — and not just among my fellow millennials, whose reproductive decisions have stirred up something of a moral panic. Throughout history, Heffington writes, women have chosen not to have kids, sometimes because they were unable to but in many cases because, for any number of reasons, they did not want to.

Heffington notes that modern birth control methods and abortion access have certainly made it easier for many women to avoid having children, but “they hardly gave women the idea that they might want to do so.”

“Women have needed no help coming up with that idea all on their own for centuries,” she writes.

It’s valuable to be reminded that while childlessness among women might not be the norm, it is neither new nor rare — and that society’s skepticism toward childless women has always been there, as well.

The next time someone asks me why I’m not having kids, maybe I’ll say: I appreciate the concern, but like centuries of women before me, I promise — I’m good.

• Dh to Little Great-Nephew (age 3), earlier this week:  "Come here, I have a present for you!"  LGN scurried over expectantly, and dh gave him a kiss. LGN:  "Where's the present??"  Dh:  "I gave you a kiss!"  LGN (with a "duh!"  expression on his face): "Uncle Dh!  A kiss is NOT a present!  A PRESENT is a TOY!!"  We've been laughing about it ever since then!  
• Dh has discovered Louise Penny's Three Pines/Inspector Gamache mystery novels, has blazed through the first two within the past week and is starting #3 (which I just read and reviewed a few weeks ago...!). Guess I'd better hurry up and start #4 soon or he's soon going to surpass me...!