Yes, I know, I could just ignore social media for a few days until it all blows over. Yes, I'm a glutton for self-punishment, apparently. I do enjoy seeing the photos -- to a point. It's just that after a while it gets to be just a LITTLE much...!
At almost 26, Katie would likely have long since graduated university (unless she was going to medical school or for a PhD or something like that -- which her father assures me she most certainly would have -- but on an accelerated schedule, so she definitely would have graduated by now. Sure, dear, whatever you say...!)
Still, this time of year, and the endless moans of "where has my baby gone?" etc. etc. has a unique ability to get under my skin. My apologies to the parents reading this (especially those sending kids off to college right now), but....
I get it, it's tough to let go and watch them spread their wings. (Especially when you fought so hard to get them here in the first place, as I know many of you have, if you're reading this blog...!)
But still. You had them, lived with them, got to enjoy them (and tear your hair out over them) for 18 years -- and you'll still have them (and be tearing your hair out over them...!), in some respect, for the rest of your life, if you're as lucky as you have been to date.
Not all of us get to experience that. Any of that. At all. And this time of year is always a harsh and unwelcome reminder of that reality.
I know. I'm not a parent. I don't understand. I'm just jealous.
Maybe so.
But. You're not childless-not-by-choice. I'm not in your shoes -- but you're not in mine either.
Let's just leave it at that.
Sorry. Vent over.
Weather permitting, you will find me on my balcony tomorrow afternoon with a book and a cup of tea (or maybe a glass of iced tea). It's become my "first day of school" ritual these past few years, and a reminder that there ARE some perks that come with this childless life. ;)
Previous first/last day of school-related posts here.
"I know. I'm not a parent. I don't understand. I'm just jealous.
ReplyDeleteMaybe so.
But. You're not childless-not-by-choice. I'm not in your shoes -- but you're not in mine either."
I want to remember this script forever.
I have fortunately not seen much of that this year - though lots of "lasts" at the end of the northern summer (as kids are graduating school and college), and recently some in NZ too (end of winter sports etc). Whilst I have real sympathy for their "empty nests" and the fact they will miss their kids, it is frustrating to watch. Their losses are temporary, only in terms of physical distance, and are entirely natural and expected. Kids grow up. I'm glad you have a ritual for this time of year that sounds so peaceful and lovely.
ReplyDeletePeople who mourn the passage from childhood to adulthood are probably not thinking of the only possible alternative to watching your child grow up. (Then again, maybe they are....but such sentiments don't mesh well with social media, so probably will not be expressed openly.)
ReplyDeleteI wonder (because I think a lot about these things) if the need to post pictures to mark milestones is in response to the loss of coming-of-age rituals and in general, other ways to mark time. If you look at a traditional liturgical calendar, for example, it's full of "mini-deaths" (e.g. fasts) as well as celebrations. In secular culture we only seem to have celebrations, so the sense of life as cyclical is lost.
I have discovered that I'm personally not attached to "milestones". I don't really care what day my child lost their first tooth or learned to walk or whatever. I take pictures of their first days of school but I don't value them more than other pictures. I like the bigger story arcs that play out over the years.