* Instant entertainment!! Wherever I go, whenever I want. ;)
* Having easy access to a camera. And it does take good photos.
* The screen resolution is incredible -- much better than on my laptop.
* Not feeling like a dinosaur. :p ;)
What I don't like:
* Feeling obligated to check out every little buzz & blip in case it's important (news flash: more often than not, it's not).
* All the scrolling, watching words & images flash by, sometimes leaves me feeling a little woozy. :p
*My left wrist, forearm & shoulder are aching. (I'm right-handed, but I hold the phone in my left & swipe with my right hand fingers.)
* The teeny tiny keyboard. Haven't managed to get the hang of typing with my thumbs. I can type so much faster on my laptop.
* How I inadvertently keep hitting the wrong buttons. I've turned on the flashlight (very cool, by the way...!) by accident umpteen times already.
Back in 2001 (almost 15!! years ago now!!), the difficult decision I made to stop infertility treatments was compounded by the sad lack of supportive resources on the subject of how to face the future without the children you'd assumed you'd have. Most of the infertility books in my collection contained no more than a page or two on the subject. There were a handful of books specifically about life without children -- many of them out of print and difficult to find. Many of the resources I found were aimed more at childfree by choice women (although there were helpful tips and perspectives to be had there too) -- and some, bizarrely, lumped childless/free living together with adoption after infertility (!). (Yes, they're both ways to resolve infertility without giving birth to a biological child, but there's a BIG difference in the end result...!)
There were no blogs in 2001. There were a (very) few active message boards where, thankfully, I finally found some kindred spirits in similar situations who helped me through the difficult transition to a permanent life without children. For the most part, though, my kindred spirits & I were all fumbling our way forward in the dark with very little in the way of guidance or expert knowledge about what to expect or what we could do to help ourselves and each other.
"Life Without Baby" is the comprehensive, step-by-step, how-to book that I desperately wished I had had back then. Author Lisa Manterfield is well known in the childless/free segment of the ALI blogging community for her Life Without Baby blog & website, which she launched back in 2010. Since then, Life Without Baby has become a welcome oasis of comfort, sanity and humour for me and many other women facing a life without the children we'd dreamed of having.
Around the same time as she launched the Life Without Baby site, Lisa published a wonderful memoir about her struggle with infertility and coming to terms with childlessness, "I'm Taking My Eggs and Going Home" (my review here). Now she's taken everything she's learned over the past few years about living without children, from her own experience and from the women she's helped, and turned it into a book of collected wisdom on the subject. It's a comprehensive -- yet warm & chatty -- look at the practical side of coming to terms with childlessness, with practical advice and tips, journaling exercises, and stories from Lisa's own personal experience.
Even though I am 15 years down this road less travelled, there was still a lot in Lisa's book that I found appealing and thought-provoking, not to mention familiar. ;) It's a welcome & much-needed book, and I'm so happy it's here to help other women who are following in our footsteps. Hopefully, for them, the path ahead won't be quite so lonely or scary.
Lisa recently wrote a guest post for this blog, based on a chapter from her book. You can read her thoughts on the subject of "embracing possibility" here.
Now, just to be clear, these were NOT our first cellphones (his second and my fourth over the past 15-20 years, to be exact) -- although it's been -- cough cough -- a while since we last got new ones. The phones we had -- yes, flip phones (I hear they're "in again, actually...!) -- did have cameras (1 whole megapixel!!) & browser capabilities, although we rarely used them and didn't have data included in our plan. But we've never felt the need to be in constant contact with the world, and we were happy with what we had for a long time. The phones were seldom used, and when they were, it was for good old talking, and usually whenever one or the other of us was out & about without the other.
But we've been talking about the need to upgrade for quite a while For one thing, peer pressure. :p ;) It was a bit of a pride thing, too -- see, we're still young & hip; we're not THAT old yet!! (Got to keep up with the younger Joneses, you know...!) (I have this unsettling feeling that if we'd had kids, we would have been prodded into doing this years ago.) For another thing, I noticed my battery was draining a lot more quickly lately -- and I didn't think they'd have a replacement readily on hand. I wanted to make sure we had a reliable phone handy while we're moving & getting settled into our new condo. There were several times lately when I'd wished I'd had a camera handy. (The camera on this phone has 21 mp capability -- my Canon point & shoot, which I love, has just 12 -- which seemed like a whole lot when I bought it, just two or three years ago...!)
And there were a few times lately when I've had trouble picking up a signal, while smartphone users around me yakked to their hearts' content. One such notable incident was when dh wound up in the hospital just before Christmas. Every time I wanted to update BIL, I had to leave the building completely (taking all our jackets & stuff with me each time, so as not to leave it vulnerable to theft), and he couldn't call me at all.
I spent a few hours last evening & this afternoon playing around, rebuilding my contacts (the young geek -- ummm, salesperson -- who helped us buy the phones couldn't get them to transfer over from my old phone :p ), adding a few apps and exploring my new toy's capabilities. I'm sure within a few weeks, I'll wonder how I ever lived without it (although I think I'll still prefer using my laptop, when I'm at home) -- but right now, it's still a bit of a mystery, to be honest. ;) It's been exhausting, frustrating, exhilarating and mind-boggling, to use just a few adjectives.
Tips? Cautionary tales?? App recommendations??? (I've already managed to add Facebook & sign up for Instragram -- although I still have to explore my camera!)
Because even though it's generally thought of as a "downer" song, it does include hopeful notes: "Funny but it seems I always wind up here with you... nice to know somebody loves me..." and "What I feel has come and gone before... no need to talk it out, we know what it's all about..."
Because I couldn't think of anything else for a #MM post. ;)
Because it was a great excuse (as if an excuse is ever needed) to search YouTube and listen to the magnificent voice of the late great Karen Carpenter. :) Such an amazing talent, so sadly missed. :(
You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.
Klara wrote a post recently about how her little niece had learned a special song to sing for her mother on Mother's Day. When the niece offered to sing it for her, Klara said that instead, she would love to hear the song for aunties. Her niece responded that there wasn't any auntie song.
Is there?? I tried to think of any songs I knew about aunts or aunties, and the best I could come up with was "Your Auntie Grizelda" -- a rather quirky song from my childhood by the Monkees -- with Peter singing lead, slightly offkey! Can anyone come up with any other auntie songs??
Anyway, Klara's lament about the lack of songs for aunties did bring to mind an old Barry Manilow song, a cut from an album that was in my sister's & my vinyl collection in the late 1970s. And when I went to read the lyrics, they were all about regret and loss and disappointment, and not appreciating people when you have them in your life, until it's too late. So in that respect, maybe it's a somewhat relevant song for some of us, sometimes. ;)
(You can't take it too literally, of course -- I could never imagine changing my number & turning away from my nephews! -- but I know some of us feel a little taken for granted by our families and friends sometimes -- we are always expected to be there for them (because we have all this free time on our hands, because we don't have kids, of course...!) but the relationship isn't always equally reciprocal.)
A Linda Song
by Barry Manilow
He never wrote a song for Linda
He wrote as though he lived alone
He wrote of dreams that end of sad brave men
Inventing worlds he never know
But he never wrote a song for Linda
And she was right there all along
Loved him back to life
When his luck ran low
But he never wrote a Linda song
He nearly broke his heart at writing
Linda kept him from despair
Standing by his side, through the hungry days
But he hardly seemed to see her there
And he never wrote a song for Linda
And she was right there all along
The one real thing in his crazy world
And he never wrote a Linda song
When the bills piled up and couldn't pay
He couldn't dream no more
So he hitched a ride and he rode away
And he left a note for Linda by the door
By the door
When times got rough he'd phone her
Once or twice she took the call
Then she changed her number and she turned her head
And Linda never looked back at all
He'll never write a song for Linda
And she was right there all along
All he knows, is no one understands
And he never wrote a Linda song
No he never wrote a Linda song
Before dh & I got married, his father (my future FIL) presented me with a watch that had belonged to dh's mother (who died, at age 53, before I ever met her -- although dh & I were a couple by then and she knew about me). FIL gave another watch that had belonged to MIL to SIL, and both of us wore those watches as "something old" on our respective wedding days, and on special occasions (such as weddings) in the 30+ years since then. (We also divided MIL's other jewelry between us.)
The watch I inherited is a dainty thing, with a small round face and a solid but flexible silver, etched band. Nobody remembers exactly where or when MIL had got it, but it's at least 40-50 years old. Shortly after our wedding, when we were getting property insurance for our belongings, I took the watch to a jewelry shop to be appraised.
(Sidenote for readers in the Greater Toronto Area: the jewelry shop was a small independent store recommended by a girlfriend who had her engagement & wedding rings custom-made there. Located on Yorkville Avenue, which probably tells you everything you need to know. Very expensive, very tony -- I felt very out of place being there. Which makes it all the more amusing that years later, the same jeweller is now infamous throughout the GTA as "the Cashman" who "gives you money for your gold" and advertises with brash, noisy, campy commercials on TV!! Oh, yeahhhhhh!!! lol)
"That old thing?" said dh. Imagine his surprise (not to mention my own) when we learned that the silver was actually white gold, and the watch was worth a small four-figure sum -- a substantial amount of money at the time, especially for a pair of impoverished newlyweds. Needless to say, between special occasions, it's spent most of the past 30+ years in the safety deposit box. ;)
I never felt the watch (or MIL's other jewelry) was truly mine. I always felt that I was just holding it in safekeeping for the next generation, perhaps for my own daughter to wear at her wedding someday.
Of course, that day will never come. And BIL & SIL had two boys.
But those boys are now both engaged and planning their weddings. Dh & I talked about it to SIL & BIL recently, and a few weeks ago, I told Oldest Nephew's fiancée about the watch and its history, and asked if she would like to wear it at her own wedding this fall. (SIL will give the other watch that she inherited to Younger Nephew's fiancée, when the time comes.) She looked surprised but pleased and said yes, of course. I told her I would bring her the watch the next time we saw them, and she could see it and decide then if she'd like to have it.
This past weekend, at Younger Nephew's engagement party, dh & I took Older Nephew & his fiancée aside to a private corner (BIL came with us too, beaming with pride) & I pulled the watch out of my purse & helped Fiancee put it on her wrist. I could tell from her reaction that she was overwhelmed.
"You know, I've never really worn a watch, but this is BEAUTIFUL. I love it!!" she said, as she hugged me tightly. "I'm so glad," I said (and I was). Older Nephew gave me a big hug too. "You know, I never really felt like this was mine... I've just been taking care of it until you & your brother grew up to give it to you," I told him.
Back upstairs, they showed the watch to FIL (who is now in his late 80s). "You gave this to me, and now I'm giving it to her," I explained to him. We hadn't told him we were doing this, and I wasn't sure what his reaction would be, but he seemed very pleased, and gave Fiancee a big hug of his own. Both Older Nephew and Fiancee thanked dh & me again before we left later that evening.
The last few years have been one big round of transitions: letting go of old dreams and possessions, passing the torch to the younger generation, facing the reality of aging without children. It isn't always easy -- but sometimes, there are moments like this one where you get a glimpse of the future and your impact on it (however small), and you feel a little better about things. There's sadness about what didn't happen and what might have been, and some fear & trepidation at what might lie ahead on this road less travelled -- but also hope for the good things that might still transpire and the memories still to be made.
There came a point this afternoon when I couldn't keep my eyes open. I slept for about five hours last night, woke up at around 4, couldn't get back to sleep, and eventually got up around 5. It's been a busy, stressful couple of weeks, and I guess it just caught up to me.
So I laid down on the couch, dh threw a blanket over me, and I had a nap. For two hours.
I'm generally not much of a nap person. (My mother will certainly tell you so, haha -- apparently she had to bribe me to take naps when I was a toddler. ;) ) Never slept much in the car either, although we took a lot of long road trips when I was growing up. I did start taking more naps when I was in university (no doubt to compensate for the many late nights of party-- oops, studying!! lol ;) ) And I napped somewhat more often while I was pregnant with Katie.
I don't like the groggy way I often feel when I wake up after a nap. Or the feeling that I've wasted time when I could have been doing something productive, or fun. Or the feeling that I must be getting older, snoozing in the middle of the day like this. :p
But sometimes, you just have to close your eyes and let sleep take over. (And hey, I did get a blog post out of it, lol. ;) )
Naps -- yay or nay?
You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.
