#MicroblogMondays: Odds & ends

• 
  BIL called dh on Friday afternoon... Someone he works with had had close contact with someone else who had COVID-19 symptoms and was being tested... so this coworker was getting tested too. Of course, BIL won't hear what the results were until sometime today, when he's back at work. To date, the only person in our circle (that we know of) who's had COVID is dh/BIL's cousin's husband. But it feels like it's getting closer & closer all the time... Reports of the new, more contagious variants, are scary.  And meanwhile, the vaccine rollout here continues to be painfully slow...  
• Our region is reopening today (moving from grey to code red), after more than two months under lockdown/stay-at-home orders (with capacity restrictions, etc., in place). (The city proper and one other nearby region remain closed for at least another two weeks.)  The region where we used to live -- and where we still go for haircuts and doctor visits -- reopened last week. I've been calling the hair salon almost daily for the past week, trying to book haircuts, but I just keep getting voice mail. It's been almost 12 weeks since our last haircuts -- I may eventually get desperate enough to just leave a message and hope for the best, lol.  
• I've heard that salons, restaurants, etc., in some regions are asking people for ID/proof of address, and if you're from out of region, they will not serve you -- trying to discourage people from regions still under lockdown from coming there for "frivolous" reasons. That's fine with me, but it's not like we're just roaming around looking for haircuts -- we've been customers of our stylist for several years now (if not at this particular salon -- she moved over there last year after the one we'd been going to for years closed). 
• Fire alarm testing in our building today... uggghhhh.... SO. LOUD!!  
• Thank you, Jody Day, for introducing me to Yael Wolfe and her beautiful, thoughtful writing about childlessness and other subjects. This recent piece was just about perfect -- about the experience of childlessness, about motherhood, about labels (the ones we choose for ourselves and the ones that get applied to us), about the stories we tell and the ones we don't and why...  Definintely worth a read! 
• Brandi at Not So Mommy recently pondered the "childless vs childfree" label question too. 
• I wrote about this issue early in my blogging career (the third post on this blog, actually!). 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

"Sourdough" by Robin Sloan

Well. THAT was... interesting...! 

"Sourdough" by Robin Sloan is/was our Gateway Women/NoMo book club pick for February. There are no babies or pregnancies in "Sourdough," which fits the parameters of the club. 

There is, however, bread. Lots and lots of bread. This is not a book for the carb-phobic, lol. The cover shown on the left is the one I had on my Kobo ebook, but other editions feature a loaf of sourdough.  Just looking at it made me hungry. And crave bread -- preferably warm out of the oven, with lots of butter, lol.  

Our young heroine, Lois Clary, learned about robots when she started working in Detroit's auto industry. Now she's been hired by a Silicon Valley company that programs robot arms to do various tasks. Like many of her coworkers, she spends long hours at the office, existing on a "nutritive gel" with the rather unappetizing name of "Slurry."  Then one night at her apartment, she decides to order in from a local hole-in-the-wall restaurant run by two immigrant brothers, and falls in love with their "Double Spicy" -- soup and sandwiches made with delicious sourdough bread. When visa issues force the brothers to leave the country, they entrust her -- their "Number One Eater" -- with a crock of their sourdough starter.  

And so Lois begins to bake bread. And strange things begin to happen... 

I don't want to give away too much of the plot here, but suffice to say the writing is highly readable, and the story takes a few unexpected/weird twists & turns that kept me turning the pages.  I was reminded of "Uncanny Valley" by Anna Wiener -- a young woman's memoir of her experiences in Silicon Valley (which I read & reviewed here).  And maybe a couple of sci-fi &/or fantasy movies I've seen. (I'm not much into sci-fi or fantasy, but there are definitely elements of that here.) There's everything here from ancient civilizations to the hippy-dippy/crunchy-granola San Francisco of the 1960s to modern foodie culture (a restaurant that made me think of Alice Waters's Chez Panisse) to the sleek high-tech world and the belief that technology can solve everything. Can these things all co-exist? What happens when worlds collide? 

I'll be thinking about this one for a while... 

(I do like books that make me think, even if I don't entirely understand.)  

Four stars on Goodreads. 

This was Book #11 read to date in 2021 (and Book #6 finished in February so far), bringing me to 31% of my 2021 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 36 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 6 books ahead of schedule. :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2021 tagged as "2021 books." 

"The Young Clementina" by D.E. Stevenson (re-read)

My online D.E. Stevenson group just finished our chapter-by-chapter reading & discussion of "The Young Clementina," one of Stevenson's early published novels (1935). I read the book for the first time in December (before Christmas), before our group read began, and reviewed it here. 

I reviewed the plot, its shortcomings and strong points in my previous review, so I won't repeat myself here. I did note then that our group discussions usually added to my appreciation of the book, and that was certainly the case here. My feelings about the book's flaws remain (and I was glad to learn my concerns are shared by others in the group) -- but overall, it was not without merits, and my fellow group members helped me to see those more clearly too. 

That said, my original rating -- 3 stars on Goodreads -- still stands. It's not my favourite DES novel (the highly predictable ending will have anyone who's ever dealt with infertility rolling their eyes...!), but I am glad I read it.  

Our group's next Stevenson novel will be "Katherine's Marriage," a sequel to "Katherine Wentworth," which we read together last summer (reviewed here and here). 

This was Book #10 read to date in 2021 (and Book #5 finished in February so far), bringing me to 28% of my 2021 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 36 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 6 books ahead of schedule. :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2021 tagged as "2021 books." 

"Unimaginable" by Brooke D. Taylor

Brooke (Brooke D. Taylor) -- who blogs at By the Brooke  -- has written a book!   

"Unimaginable: Life After Baby Loss" tells the story of Brooke's pregnancy with her first daughter, her "Baby Duck," Eliza, who was stillborn in December 2010, and what happened next. 

I will admit that I was predisposed to love this book. I started reading Brooke's blog shortly after Eliza died -- found it through Mel's now-defunct Lost & Found Connections Abound (LFCA) blog, I believe. The first post she wrote after losing Eliza consisted mostly of a passage from "Dover Beach" by Matthew Arnold, which I recognized immediately from my university days (and which The Bangles used as inspiration for their own amazing song, "Dover Beach" in the early 1980s... but, I digress... ;)  ). (I loved studying the Victorians, and I loved Arnold -- I remember doing a paper on his "Empedocles on Etna." And I adore The Bangles. :)  ) 

Brooke is almost (gulp) 20 years younger than me;  Eliza died almost 12 years after my Katie. She went on to become the mother of three (more) adorable, high-spirited little girls -- Eliza's younger sisters;  Katie remains my only child.  And yet, there's a common thread that runs through our grief experiences -- through most pregnancy loss & grief experiences, no matter how different the circumstances. Brooke's words, in her blog and now in this book, beautifully capture the experience of bereavement, and how it evolves over time.  The book is not a long read (258 pages) but it's jam-packed with wise words and thoughtful observations -- minute little details that instantly took me back 23 years with a shock of recognition at the memory -- and had me bookmarking page after page. I don't often cry over my lost pregnancy or wee baby girl these days, but I needed Kleenex at several points, reading Brooke's story. 

I've read lots of pregnancy loss books & memoirs in the years since the stillbirth of my own daughter.  This ranks right up there with the best of them, including Elizabeth McCracken's "An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination," which I have long considered the gold standard.  ;)  It would be the perfect book to hand to someone who is dealing with the unimaginable -- or to someone who doesn't know what to say or how to help someone who is. (Actually, it would be a great book for anyone dealing with any kind of traumatic loss.)

Check out Brooke's blog, as well as her book. You can order your own copy of "Unimaginable," in Kindle or paperback format, on Amazon, here. 

5 stars on Goodreads. 

This was Book #9 read to date in 2021 (and Book #4 finished in February so far), bringing me to 25% of my 2021 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 36 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 5 books ahead of schedule. :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2021 tagged as "2021 books." 

Odds & ends

• New computer report: I am still missing some photos & documents from the past two years, as well as my older emails and genealogy program & files (for now -- until I can get to Manitoba and have my sister's boyfriend look at the old laptop's hard drive to see what he can retrieve from that...), but otherwise, so far, so good... 
• Unnerving news: A cluster of five cases of a COVID-19 variant that originated in South Africa has been detected in a condo building in Mississauga (west of Toronto). What's really concerning is that none of these people appear to know each other or to have had significant close contact with each other -- i.e., the virus may have spread via common elements, such as elevators and hallways.  All 1,800 residents and staff are being tested by public health officials.  
• On the bright side, we're not in Mississauga (this building is a good half-hour drive away from us)... and our building is much smaller than 1,800 residents (not sure how many residents we have, but there are approximately 120 units). We don't leave our unit that often, masks are mandated in all common elements (so we wear them in the halls and elevators every time we head down to the parking garage to go out), and we are very careful about thoroughly washing our hands as soon as we return. 
• Dh HAS been making maskless trips to the garbage chute down the hall (which I have not been happy about...), but he has promised me he will start to wear a mask for that two-minute errand as well.  
• Not just one but TWO of my friends became first-time grandmas last week (one from high school, one from grad school -- a granddaughter, whose middle name is her grandmother's, and a grandson, respectively). The baby photos were adorable, I will admit, and I am happy for my friends -- but I will also admit I felt more than a twinge at the unfairness of life and the thoughts of the grandchildren I will never have... 
• On the same day in England, Prince Andrew & Sarah ("Fergie"), Duchess of York, also became first-time grandparents, as Princess Eugenie gave birth to a baby boy (still to be named). I know Andrew has become a bit of a pariah in recent years (and not without good reason) -- but he's less than a year older than me, and when I was a teenager, he was something of a heartthrob for me and my friends. He spent a year at a private boys' school in cottage country northeast of Toronto, and accompanied his parents to the Commonwealth Games in Edmonton in 1978. 
• Brooke has written a book!! If you're a fan of her wonderful blog (as I am), or if your life has been affected by the loss of a baby in some way, you will want to read "Unimaginable," the memoir she has written about her first daughter, Eliza, and life after pregnancy loss. Both Kindle and paperback editions are now available on Amazon, and I downloaded a copy to my cellphone app as soon as it became available last Friday. Reading now;  review to come soon...  :)  
• Further to my post about Family Day, after I hit "post" I found a related opinion piece from Elizabeth Renzetti in the Globe & Mail (which I mentioned in the comments of my post):  "After a year of forced togetherness, could we celebrate UnFamily Day this time?" I generally like her columns -- and she does nod to the fact that "many people are not lucky enough to be driven mad by boredom and proximity."  But it didn't do anything to make me feel differently about Family Day...!  
• I posted my #MicroblogMondays/ Family Day post before looking at my social media feeds that day. Everyone was posting photos of their families and wishing each other "Happy Family Day."  I guess this has become A Thing To Do.  Sigh.  
• In The Eggs I Sold, the Baby I Gained -- a first-person piece from the New York Times -- a young woman ponders her egg donation 10 years earlier, her marriage, and the premature birth of her son after a precarious pregnancy -- events that may (or may not) be interconnected.  A lot can change in 10 years that can't be predicted...!  
• The New York Times also recently had a big series of articles under the collective title of "The Primal Scream: America's Mothers are in Crisis," about how moms are surviving the pandemic (or not). 
• The NYT & other publications *have* published occasional articles on how people living alone are coping with the pandemic too... but by and large, it seems like the media's focus has been on moms and families.  
• The comments on all the articles in the series are (mostly) worth reading, with two themes in particular that I found interesting:  (1) many young women saying that watching how mothers have struggled during the pandemic and the lack of social supports for parents has helped them decide they will not be having children of their own, and (2) "Where are the men??"  
• The one article in the series that raised my childless hackles a bit was titled "Working Moms Are Struggling. Here’s What Would Help. What government, employers and the rest of us can do."  Under a section titled "How individuals could help," the article notes that 

...the pandemic has made it undeniable that raising children is, and always has been, a community endeavor — and mothers need their communities now more than ever. 

 

“We are only going to survive this by recruiting non-mothers to our cause,” said Katherine Goldstein, creator and host of the Double Shift podcast about a new generation of working mothers. [emphasis mine]

A little further down, under "Friends, do your part":  

If you don’t have children at home, think of ways to help those who do. Set up a meal train. Offer to take children for a distanced park walk or read to them on Zoom. Mail an activity kit. (Just make sure it’s one that doesn’t require much adult involvement.)

Ummm, ooookkaaayyy. Seriously, I understand that it does, indeed, take a village. And I daresay many non-mothers *are* helping out their sisters/nieces/neighbours/friends who are moms... I have two issues with this exhortation, however:  (1) I have seen comments in private forums from several childless women who have indeed offered their services to help out neighbours during this pandemic (not just moms, but elderly people, etc.) with dog-walking, grocery shopping, etc. -- only to have those offers politely rebuffed. (Even in non-COVID times.)  And (2)  The concern, the check-ins, the offers to help, are so very rarely reciprocated. How many parents are checking in on US and how WE are doing?  (Especially those who are not only childless but unpartnered/living alone?)  Everyone is dealing with extra stress and pressures these days, and we all need to keep a friendly eye out for each other -- regardless of who we *think* most needs our support. 

#MicroblogMondays: Pandemic Family Day

Today is Family Day in Ontario, as well as a couple of other Canadian provinces (British Columbia, Alberta, New Brunswick and Saskatchewan). Other provinces have a holiday today as well, albeit they wisely opted to call it something different -- Islander Day in Prince Edward Island, Heritage Day in Nova Scotia and Louis Riel Day in my home province of Manitoba. Yukon designates one Friday in February as Heritage Day.  Quebec, Newfoundland and Labrador, Nunavut and the Northwest Territories still don't offer a February long weekend holiday at all.  Not everyone gets the day off (even in a pandemic), which is a sore spot with some, but for the most part, most people in Ontario are enjoying a holiday today. 

Anyone who's been reading my blog for a while knows that while I am all for a holiday long weekend in mid-February, I am not a fan of Family Day per se. I wish-wish-wish the powers that be had opted to call it something other than Family Day -- and you will understand why.  ;) 

I wondered whether COVID-19 would put a damper on the Family Day hype this year.  And this morning, the Toronto Star has an editorial musing on that subject, noting that for some people, too much family togetherness has been the problem, while for others, it's been far too little.  

But, never let a pandemic stand in the way of pronatalism -- or consumerism, lol... Non-essential retail stores are closed (albeit curbside pickup is still available from many stores), but I noticed a preponderance of recent ads from retailers & small businesses wishing everyone a "Happy Family Day!"  (Some went so far as to wish "Happy Family Day, Canada!" -- which would be rubbing salt in the wounds of those provinces that don't get any kind of holiday at all today -- see above.)  I also noticed a lot of ads in my Facebook & Instagram feeds from restaurants offering not only Valentine's Day specials but also Family Day specials this weekend. The Italian restaurants around here tend to offer huge family-sized portions anyway, especially around holidays, so I suppose it was natural, but still... (I have yet to peruse my social media posts this morning, so I'm not sure how much my friends there are saying about it...) 

Still. Things could be worse.  Not only is today Family Day, but it was Valentine's Day yesterday (as well as Chinese New Year on Friday! -- and today is also Presidents Day in the U.S.). For anyone who's both childless AND unpartnered, this weekend had to be a nightmare...!  

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

"Belgravia" by Julian Fellowes

I decided "Belgravia" by Julian Fellowes would be my next read, because the six-part television adaptation is scheduled to begin on CBC TV tonight (Sunday, Feb. 14th -- Valentine's Day). I think I will watch (on PVR, if not live), and I always like to read the original book version ahead of the TV series or movie, if possible.  

Fellowes is perhaps best known as the creator of "Downton Abbey" -- and there are some similarities to DA:  themes of class consciousness and divisions, upstairs/downstairs characters and plots, long-hidden secrets that threaten to be revealed, illegitimacy, arranged marriages, rivalries inside and between families...  basically, a soap opera, lol.  ;)  (With perhaps a bit of fairy tale thrown in, too.) 

But there are differences too, particularly in the timeframe covered. "Downton Abbey" covers the years 1912 to 1927.  "Belgravia" opens in Brussels, Belgium, in 1815 -- almost a full century earlier -- on the eve of the historic battle at nearby Waterloo.*  Young Sophia Trenchard, the daughter of the British army's chief supplier, is more concerned with wangling an invitation to the Duchess of Richmond's ball, where her secret romantic interest, Viscount Edmund Bellasis, the future Lord Brockenhurst, will also be present.  The ball sets the stage for the rest of the novel, which takes place 25 years later (mostly) in London, when secrets from the past threaten to ruin the ambitious Trenchard family and their hard-won place in the society that revolves around Belgrave Square.

If you like "Downton Abbey" or novels and films from the Victorian era, you will probably enjoy "Belgravia."  It covers a lot of the same territory (to the point of being somewhat predictable -- although there are a few plot twists -- perhaps a few too many to be plausible...!).  But overall, it was fun and enjoyable.  

At least, I enjoyed it until almost the very end...!  

ALI/PLOT SPOILER ALERT!:  The plot involves (among other things) an obsession with producing heirs and inheritances (which I recognize was par for the course at the time), would-be grandparents longing for grandchildren, a death in childbirth, adoption, and a long-childless couple, including (towards the end of the book) a discussion about whose "fault" their infertility was. Up to that point, I was thinking I would rate the book 3.5 stars, rounded up to 4. This discussion, however, was so cliched and so infuriating to me (albeit I recognize it's a discussion that has happened, and certain in that time period) that I'm afraid I had to knock the rating down a bit, instead of up. 

3 stars on Goodreads (3.5, rounded down). 

Now -- on to the TV show!  (I'll let you know later what I think of that, and how it stacks up vs the book!)

(*Personal side note:  I knew, from previous genealogy research, that my great x4 grandfather, born in County Leitrim, Ireland, was a sergeant in the British army around the time of the War of 1812. But I recently learned, after finding a brief family history written by his great-grandson -- a first cousin of my great-grandmother's -- that he was at Waterloo with the Duke of Wellington.  Not only that, BUT! his son, my great x3 grandfather, was also there with him -- as a drummer boy!!  He was born around 1806, meaning he was about 9 years old at the time. Can you imagine??!)  

This was Book #8 read to date in 2021 (and Book #3 finished in February), bringing me to 22% of my 2021 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 36 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 4 books ahead of schedule. :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2021 tagged as "2021 books."