"Living the Life Unexpected" by Jody Day (re-read)

"Living the Life Unexpected" by Jody Day, founder of Gateway Women, is essential reading for women like me who are learning to live without the children we always thought we would have someday.  I own and have read both paper and e-book copies of all three editions of the book (including the original "Rocking the Life Unexpected," crowdfunded by childless women from around the world and self-published by Jody in 2013).  

Over the past year, I've been re-reading the book (again!), chapter by chapter, working through (many of) the exercises (something I hadn't really done on earlier readings) and discussing them at monthly Zoom calls in the company of a small group of other childless women from around the world. All of us are members of the private online support community that Jody founded more than a decade ago, now hosted by Katy Seppi under the name Childless Collective. 

This is the second year in a row that I've participated in the "LTLU" book discussion group there, working through the book at the pace of one chapter per month.  And each time I've read the book, I've noticed things I hadn't before and gained new insights about myself, my childless life and the world around me.  

There are many more books out there now about life without children than there were a decade ago -- but this one continues to be an invaluable resource for involuntarily childless women (and men), worthy of multiple re-reads.  It contains a mixture of personal stories, history, statistics and guidance, as well as questions and exercises designed to get you thinking in new ways about childlessness and what your life might look like, going forward. You don't HAVE to do the exercises, of course -- there is still plenty of benefit to be gained from reading the book without doing them -- but they're a great way to explore your thoughts and gain new insights -- and working through the book with other childless women, as I've been doing over the past year (the past two years, actually!), is a fabulous way to gain new perspectives (and get to know some wonderful other childless women better, too!). 

We recently completed all 12 chapters in a year-long exploration of the book, so I am counting this as a(nother) re-read. My original rating of 5 stars on Goodreads still stands.  :)  

You can find my previous reviews of this book here (2023) and here (2020), and my 2014 review of the original "Rocking the Life Unexpected" here. 

For more information on Jody Day, Gateway Women and "Living the Life Unexpected," check out the Gateway Women website, which includes a link to the introduction and the first chapter of this book. There's also a link there to the private Childless Collective online community. A new round of LTLU member discussions is expected to start there shortly! 

This was Book #4 read to date in 2024 (and Book #4 finished in January), bringing me to 9% (!) of my 2024 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 2 books ahead of schedule. :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2024 tagged as "2024 books." 

"Bel Lamington" by D.E. Stevenson

If you've read any/many of  D.E. Stevenson's other books, the plot of "Bel Lamington" (published in 1961) will sound familiar. Orphaned at age 3, Bel (Beatrice Elizabeth Lamington = BEL) was raised by a kind aunt who died two years ago and left Bel penniless, just as she was entering young womanhood. Now working hard as a secretary in a London shipping firm, Bel impresses her immediate boss (one of three partners), but is less popular among the other secretaries and typists.  She knows nobody in London and has no social life. Her only outlet is the rooftop garden she creates and tends, outside the window of her flat. 

Then one day, she comes home to find a strange young man sitting in her garden -- and that encounter becomes the catalyst that changes everything for Bel, as her life begins to take some unexpected twists and turns (ending up in Scotland!). 

This book is a favourite among the "DESsies" in my Stevenson group, where we will begin reading and discussing it, chapter by chapter, on Jan. 18th. (I'll count this as a re-read when we're done, later this spring.)  It contains the usual DES elements of well-drawn, kind and thoughtful characters (with a dash of selfish & nasty supporting players for contrast and dramatic tension!) and lovely descriptions, particularly of landscapes. (Reading Stevenson's books always makes me want to buy a plane ticket to Scotland, lol.) There are ties here to Stevenson's earlier "Drumburly" trilogy ("Vittoria Cottage," "Music in the Hills" and "Winter and Rough Weather" -- also known as "Shoulder the Sky" -- all of which I've read & reviewed on this blog), and we get to catch up with some of our favourite characters from those books here. 

Detracting slightly from my enjoyment of the book was Bel's friend Louise, the privileged and (frankly) rather air-headed daughter of a doctor. I found her simplistic world view and pronouncements ("Daddy will fix everything"... "How naughty!" etc. etc.) rather annoying. 

On the other hand, Louise provided an interesting contrast to Bel, who has overwhelming (and well-founded) anxieties over her precarious life situation. As I read about Bel's lonely life in London,  I couldn't help but think about all the single childless women who struggle to make ends meet and maintain social connections as their friends marry and get busy with children (particularly during the pandemic lockdowns). The office politics she endures also sounded all too familiar!  

(Unsurprisingly), there is a traditional happy ending for Bel -- although (to the author's credit), I was unsure until the last several chapters as to just which male character she was going to wind up with. :) 

ALI note:  The loss of a baby (both baby & mother unseen, but discussed) is mentioned. Bel and Louise also discuss the lasting impact the loss of their parents/mothers has had on their lives. 

3.5 stars, rounded down to 3.  

This was Book #3 read to date in 2024 (and Book #3 finished in January), bringing me to 7% (!) of my 2024 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 1 book ahead of schedule. :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2024 tagged as "2024 books." 

New year odds & ends

• Well, I did it... I started the "chapter-a-day readalong" of "War & Peace" on Jan. 1st -- AND the Cromwell Trilogy readalong as well, which goes by the nickname "Wolf Crawl" (lol) and follows a weekly schedule.  It's still early days (still time to join in yourself...!), but so far, so good. 
• W&P has a HUGE cast of characters, some with the same names (!) -- but there is a wiki-style list to refresh your memory as to who's who, a great reader chat to follow, and the chapters are generally short in length -- and much more readable (and funnier!) than you might think. And it's all available for free! (Paid subscribers get bonus posts.) 
• "Wolf Hall" is much more dense, both in terms of subject matter and prose style -- but still absorbing, in a different way. In one of the early chapters, Thomas Cromwell's wife tells him why the king (Henry VIII)'s plan to divorce his wife (Catherine of Aragon) -- who, now in her 40s, has only produced a princess and not the male heir Henry craves -- matters:  

If he tries this … then half the people in the world will be against it… All women everywhere in England. All women who have a daughter but no sons. All women who have lost a child. All women who have lost any hope of having a child. All women who are forty.

(Author Hilary Mantel, of course, was childless due to severe endometriosis.)  

• My 63rd (!) birthday was last Friday. We marked the occasion with a trip to the nearby art gallery where I have a membership -- which is also what I did on my birthday last year!  I thought about having lunch at the cafe there, which has lovely ravine views, but it was already pretty busy -- plus the menu is limited and it's rather pricey. So I opted for takeout lunch from the nearby supermarket, with a pasta takeout dinner later from one of our favourite restaurants. After dinner, we had cupcakes from the supermarket for dessert (red velvet with cream cheese frosting). :)
• In between, I treated myself to a couple of new books at the mega-bookstore (aided by a gift card from my sister, plus my regular cardholder discount, plus a birthday discount!).   
• Younger Nephew & his wife both texted birthday greetings; Older Nephew, his wife and  Little Great-Nephew called, and LGN treated me to a boisterous rendition of "Happy Birthday to You" via speakerphone,  lol.  
• I spent most of Saturday on my laptop, watching the livestream of the Canadian National Figure Skating Championships from Calgary.  CBC, which had the broadcasting rights, chose to show hockey all day Saturday instead -- the new Professional Women's Hockey League games in the afternoon, and NHL in the evening (the NHL has ALWAYS ruled Saturday nights on CBC TV, since it began broadcasting in the early 1950s...!).  
• I don't begrudge the PWHL some airtime -- goodness knows it's been a LONG time coming...!  -- but I have been watching figure skating for more than 50 years (!), and the nationals (or at least, highlights from it) have NEVER NOT been shown on one network or another...! :(    And it would have been nice to be able to watch on something larger than my 15" laptop...!  
• The (not large to begin with) arena was only about half full.  :(  I can speculate on a number of reasons why: continuing fallout from the pandemic, the brutally cold weather out west, pricey tickets (at a time when people's finances are tight), the lack of star power among the current crop of skaters (compared to years past), the current ban on Russian competitors in international competitions -- well deserved, but admittedly makes things less exciting to watch -- plus we're right between Olympics right now, when interest is always at its lowest -- etc. etc.  But! -- you're never going to grow interest in the sport by making it more difficult for people to watch...!  :(  
• Monday/Last night, we had dinner at Younger Nephew's, along with BIL & SIL.  Between pre-Christmas busy-ness, being away over Christmas, and BIL & SIL coming down with covid, we hadn't seen Little Great-Niece (now 10 months old) in two months, and she was great entertainment.  :)  She was wearing an adorable outfit I'd given her for Christmas -- is now sporting a few tiny teeth, scoots across the floor on all fours, and pulls herself up on the furniture. She was fascinated by my watch, bracelets and cellphone camera (I let her take a few selfies), and exchanged raspberries with a delighted dh. (But of all her visitors, she clearly loved her Nonna/Grandma the best!)  Needless to say, we had a good time.  :)     
• Since they live nearby, and visitor parking at their townhouse complex is scarce, we decided to walk. It didn't take us very long -- only about 5 minutes, maybe a little more -- but it was about -12C/ -19C with the windchill (11F and -2F, respectively) -- and we were walking straight into the wind!  Dh -- normally a brisk walker anyway -- was walking even faster to make the trip shorter -- and holy cow, am I ever out of shape...! :p  Regular walking is definitely going back on the schedule, once better weather returns...!  
• I subscribe to a lot of Substack newsletters (which, to me, are just blogs in another format!). Ohio journalist Connie Schultz (incidentally, married to U.S. Senator Sherrod Brown) has become one of my favourites there. Her most recent post, "How a Tweet Became a Children's Book," will show you why. (Warning:  have kleenex handy.)  
• From the Oldster Substack, edited by Sari Botton, a gorgeous personal essay: "The Golden Seed."  Tagline:  "At 52, while teaching music in a preschool, Starina Catchatoorian is confronted by her grief over missing out on motherhood." 
• This piece, from "Hey Reprotech" by Alison Motluk, is an eye-opener, about the costs (monetary and non) of infertility treatment in Ontario, especially when you live outside an urban area: "What I learned from looking at one Ontario woman's $100,000+ expenditure on fertility treatment." 
• I know many of us struggle with the idea of legacy and what kind of a mark we're going to leave on the world, if we don't have children. There was an article about legacy in the Washington Post recently (gift link). Children are mentioned, but NOT having children is also mentioned! and some of the examples given are things we can do whether we have children or not.  
• Many of us also struggle with who's going to help us out as we age without children (and, often, without partners and/or extended family members nearby). Jody Day of Gateway Women flagged this article about a consultant based in St. Paul, Minnesota, who is working for systemic change in this area. 

#MicroblogMondays: Blue Monday

It's "Blue Monday," that day in January (the third Monday) deemed (by marketers, if not scientists, lol) the most depressing in the year. I've written about Blue Monday several times in the past -- in fact, I did a search for past posts and thought, "I've written about this enough, I should create a hashtag/label for it." Then I realized I already did! (lol -- check out my other Blue Monday posts there). 

I was reminded that it was Blue Monday when I spotted an article in The Toronto Star this weekend: "6 science-backed ways to brighten your Blue Monday" (No gift links available, sorry -- so I hope that works!) In summary (in case the link doesn't work for you), the advice is:  

• Enlist the power of awe: The feeling of being part of something much larger than you are has tangible physical benefits. (Even just reading a good book can do the trick.) 
• Get moving: The link between exercise and well-being is firmly established.
• Do something fun with people you like:  Social connection is important. 
• Use warm light to improve sleep. 
• Take a dose of (very) dark chocolate:  Cocoa can boost your mood. 
• Put down the pinot:  Cutting out booze can lift the spirits. (Dry January, anyone?)  

How are you feeling today?  

(It's pretty cold here -- albeit not quite as cold as it is in western Canada and the U.S. Midwest! It was -13C/-18C windchill this morning, which works out to 8F & 0F, respectively.  But the sun is shining, and I even see a bit of blue sky peeking through the clouds, which makes a HUGE difference for me!)  

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

"Anne's House of Dreams" by L.M. Montgomery

(**THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS**) 

The next novel under discussion by my L.M. Montgomery Readathon Facebook group, starting Jan. 15th, is "Anne's House of Dreams" (originally published in 1917).  The book opens with the long-awaited wedding of Anne Shirley and Gilbert Blythe at Green Gables. He's a newly graduated doctor, taking over his great-uncle's practice in the small seaside community of Glen St. Mary, and he and Anne set up housekeeping in a small white house in nearby Four Winds Harbour.  There's a memorable cast of neighbours, many of whom turn out to be "kindred spirits" -- including Captain Jim Boyd, retired sailor, storyteller and keeper of the Four Winds lighthouse;  Miss Cornelia Bryant, sharp-tongued spinster with a heart of gold;  and the beautiful, mysterious, prickly, tragic Leslie Moore. 

I hadn't read AHOD in many years when my Katie was stillborn (in 1998) -- and I had forgotten -- until someone reminded me -- that Anne & Gilbert lose their first baby here, a girl they name Joyce (Joy for short), shortly after birth.  (Montgomery herself was a loss mother:  the second of her three sons, Hugh Alexander, was stillborn in 1914.)  25+ years after my loss, more than a century after it was written, this chapter still packs a powerful punch.  Anne's emotions, post-loss, are completely relatable to any mother who has lost a child. And anyone who has longed for a child they fear they will never have will relate to Leslie's jealousy and bitterness, when Anne first tells her she's pregnant. Anne's fear during her subsequent pregnancy (briefly mentioned) also rings true. 

There might be a few points I could quibble about:  for example, Miss Cornelia's dislike of men and Methodists -- voiced multiple times throughout the book -- doesn't seem quite so funny as it did when I was younger (although Miss Cornelia remains one of my favourite secondary characters in the series).  And there's a subplot involving Leslie's husband that's kind of a cliche/trope. But overall, I love this book, and it's one of my favourite entries in the series. (Have kleenex handy.)  

4.5 stars, rounded up to 5.   

I will count this book as a re-read when our group finishes its chapter-by-chapter group read and discussion, later this spring. 

This was Book #2 read to date in 2024 (and Book #2 finished in January), bringing me to 4% (!) of my 2024 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 1 book ahead of schedule. :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2024 tagged as "2024 books." 

*** *** *** 

A related (and timely) anecdote: In Chapter 16, Anne, Gilbert and some of their friends spend a memorable New Year's Eve at the lighthouse, where Captain Jim opens the door just before the stroke of midnight to "let the new year in."  I first read this book when I was about 11-12 years old, and -- Anne-like -- thought this sounded SO romantic!  

At the time (early 1970s), it was traditional for my sister & I to spend New Year's Eve having a sleepover with the three sisters who lived across the street from us, while our parents attended the dance at the local community hall together.  Most of us had read all the "Anne" books, and after playing cards, listening to records (Partridge Family, Osmonds...!) and staying awake until midnight, we decided to open the front door of our house and "let the new year in," a la Captain Jim.  

Unfortunately for us, we didn't quite close the door properly. It was a VERY cold (well below zero degrees, Celsius OR Fahrenheit!)  and blustery night, and our parents arrived home to find the door blown wide open. Not only that -- one sister had taken offense at something another sister had said, and stomped off to sleep in another room -- so when our parents took a head count, only four sleeping girls could be seen. AND -- one of the neighbour sisters was known to sleepwalk.  

Their panic was, thankfully, short-lived -- but our parents imposed a moratorium on sleepovers for several months after that!  Happily, some or all five of us went on to spend many more New Year's Eves together, even after my family moved away in 1974 -- right through university, up until we all started getting married in the early/mid-1980s and I moved further afield.  

I told this story to the Readathon group on Facebook when someone posted a meme with Captain Jim's quote about letting in the new year, a couple of New Years ago.  Everyone thought it was hilarious!! -- although, obviously, it wasn't very funny at the time...!  I also got to speak to one of the sisters during the Christmas holidays and reminded her not to leave the door open if she let the new year in, lol. After we both stopped laughing (!),  I told her about the group's reaction to the story when I told it there. She'd totally forgotten the connection to the Anne novel! 

#MicroblogMondays: Hello out there...

Melissa at Stirrup Queens has reminded us that it's International Blog Delurking Week. :)  Says Mel: 

"It may or may not be International Blog Delurking Week. The first full week of January (January 7 – 13, 2024) is when we’re supposed to slither out of the reading closet and check in with an “I’m here” comment. I don’t know if anyone does this anymore. In the olden days, people would pop out of the woodwork. Nowadays, not so much.

"So let’s see what happens."

I've taken part in Delurking Week on & off during the 16 (!) years I've been blogging (related posts now tagged here), and it's always fun to see old friends, occasional commenters and previously silent lurkers come out of the woodwork to say hello. 

So -- who is here?  

Come out, come out, wherever you are -- say hello (at least) and, if you like, tell me/us something about yourself. As always, I'm curious -- how did you find me, & how long have you been reading (if you remember)? 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

Holiday rehash

My parents' old-fashioned Christmas tree. 
Some of the ornaments are older than I am! 

How was your holiday?  Mine was mostly okay. I always tell people that my time is not my own when I'm visiting my parents -- and that was definitely true this time around too.  We never seem to do very much while we're there -- but the time simply zooms by...!  

We got there on Dec. 16th, and spent the next week prepping for Christmas (and then the week afterward recovering...!).  My sister had already set up the Christmas tree and even put the lights on it, during an earlier visit, but it was my job to decorate it. Dh & I took my mom to a massive local greenhouse company to pick out some pointsettias as part of our Christmas gift to her.  They are gorgeous (and cheap!), and she always has a few around the house at Christmastime.  

On the one hand, we ate pretty well while we were home. On the other hand, we wound up with a LOT of leftovers to eat up...! (which got a bit monotonous after a while).  Dad had already cooked one ham before we got there, and did another during just before Christmas.  We also ordered several meals from the provincial government-subsidized local congregate meals program -- my parents get meals from there several times a week now. They deliver (like Meals on Wheels), but Dad prefers to pick theirs up, and dh went with him to help carry everything. (We all qualified to get them, all of us being 55+...!)  They were nutritionally balanced (meat/protein, starch, veggie/salad, dinner roll and dessert), filling, tasty -- and CHEAP ($7.50 per person!).  

We also had lots of the usual holiday goodies. Sister & I baked butter tarts, my mom made nuts & bolts to snack on, and they had already baked brown sugar shortbread cookies a few weekends earlier.  I spent the morning of Christmas Eve making a coleslaw salad that's always on the holiday table, and chopping celery & onions for the turkey dressing/stuffing, to save time the next morning. Parents' Neighbours' Daughter & her family -- including her parents (who actually haven't been my parents' neighbours for years -- but I'm not changing the label now, lol) -- came over for a while on Christmas Eve, so it was about 11 p.m. before we (finally!) opened out presents (tradition from the Swedish side of my mom's family). 

My sister & I had the turkey prepped, stuffed and in the oven before my mother even got up on Christmas morning. (Which, granted, is not a hard thing to do, lol -- my mother prowls around teh house half the night and rarely gets up before noon, if she can help it...!)(We wound up opening our stockings at 3:30 that afternoon (!) -- my sister observed that we would NEVER get away with that if there were small children around...!)  

We played cards almost every night we were there (which my dad loves), including on New Year's Eve (we got Chinese takeout for dinner that night). Parents' Neighbours' Daughter joined us a few times with the Littlest Princess (now 4 months old) in tow, and brought her older two sisters over a few times as well. Princess #2 was a big help in finishing off the jigsaw puzzle that consumed the better part of two days (and a good chunk of the dining room table, lol.)  

Of course, being stuck in a smallish house for two weeks in the middle of winter (albeit one of the mildest ones in years) with five other people, including aging parents, there were a few "ouch" and "arrrrghhhhh" moments...!  (Many of the "annoying things" outlined in this past post still apply...!)  

• My sister, who lives an hour's drive away from my parents (versus 2 & 1/2 hours by air and then an hour by car for me) told me she & her partner are fed up with our parents, their increasing need for support, the long to-do list they hand over with every time my sister visits, and their utter refusal to do much of anything much to help themselves. Sister & her partner may not have kids to occupy their time (by choice, in their case) -- but both of them are also in their 60s now themselves;  they have their own house that needs upkeep (as well as some extensive renovations), and they're both still busy working. She told me she's not planning to retire anytime soon, not only because of the money, but also because she knows the moment she retires, my parents will expect her to be at their beck & call, 24-7...!
• Sister told me she'd recently told my parents she wants them to give some serious thought to selling the house and moving -- not necessarily into a care home or even assisted living, but at least to a smaller house with a smaller yard that will require less upkeep, because she & her partner simply can't be there to help them every weekend.  I think my dad would be receptive to a move (the town where they live has a good reputation as a "retirement community" and has lots of different options available) -- but my mother has dug in her heels. Sigh... 
• Sister also informed my parents that she & her partner will not be digging up &/or planting &/or cleaning up a garden for them this year. My dad has kept a backyard veggie garden for years -- and my mother adores the fresh produce from it, particularly the new potatoes -- but Dad handed over half of it to a neighbour last year because he just can't keep it all up (and Sister & her partner wound up doing most of the work).  Sister's partner has local farm connections and says he can get them all the fresh produce they want, and there's a good weekly farmers' market in the summertime, but no.... 
• My dad has had some help with the yardwork (mowing the lawn, raking leaves, etc.) over the past few years from the teenaged son of a couple who attend my mother's church -- and at a very reasonable rate too -- but he's off to university this fall. 
• My parents also rely heavily on one of their neighbours for help -- but this man has told Sister & her partner that he can't do it much longer either. He's getting close to 80 himself and has his own house & yard to keep up. We didn't get to see him at all while we were there because he had pneumonia.  :(  
• Partly in retaliation for my sister laying down the law, I think, my mom made a jaw-dropping crack one night while we were playing cards. Our of the blue one night, in the middle of a card game, Mom said, "I should have had two or three more kids."  Us:  "Ummm, WHY?"  Mom:  "Well, maybe ONE of them might have stayed in town to help me out!"  (!!!)  You can imagine the expression on my sister's face...!  
• I gave my mother a "look" and said, "You're lucky [Sister] is here as often as she is!" -- leaving unspoken the fact that neither she nor I will have someone at OUR beck & call to do things for us!!  She kind of changed her tune after that. 
• After dh & I took mom to the greenhouse to get poinsettias, I offered to set one up in a hanging plant holder that she has -- but she told me to leave it for Sister to do,  because "it's tricky" and "[Sister] did it so nicely last year."  (!) I told my sister this and she rolled her eyes and said, "Maybe she should get one of her hypothetical two or three more children to do it for her!" (lol) 
• When we got to my parents' house at the beginning of the holidays, my mom told us that her younger brother/only sibling/my uncle & godfather (who just turned 80 this year) was in the hospital. He's not been in overall good health in recent years, and got taken by ambulance to a hospital, which sent him to a facility for evaluation and some physical rehab for his mobility issues. 
• Somewhere along the way, he contracted covid (for the first time), and had to be readmitted to the hospital. :(  He is not vaccinated. :( The doctors put him on antivirals, and thankfully he's doing well. 
• My cousin told us he's hopeful that this is the kick in the butt his dad needs to make some positive and long-overdue changes in his life. (Fingers crossed.) 
• Prior to this, my cousin's wife had taken my aunt to see a new apartment building geared to retirees/seniors. Spurred on by my uncle's health emergency, they made the decision to take an available studio suite, and put their names in for a two-bedroom unit, when one comes open. 
• My mother approves of the move:  she has long fretted over the stairs at my uncle's house (which is a bungalow, but built into the side of a hill, meaning there are a few stairs to climb from the driveway to the front door, plus some stairs from the entryway up to the main floor or down to the basement, where the garage entrance is located.  (She's conveniently ignoring the fact that it's not any/many more stairs than she has to navigate in her own split-level house...!).  But of course, just try suggesting that she & my father should do something similar...!  
• I overheard a conversation my mom was having with one of my aunts, exclaiming over the fact that one of my aunt's granddaughters turned 25 this year. (Yeah, I KNOW... someone ELSE would have turned 25 this year too, remember??)  
• After I spent a couple of hours on a Zoom call with "some online friends." Mom's curiosity was piqued:  "So who were these people?  What was the theme?"  I told her bluntly:  "We're all women who don't have children." Mom:  "Oh."  (No further questions...!)  

Yes, they drive me nuts sometimes...!  

But. 

Sitting in the departure lounge on the morning of Dec.16th, en route west, I received a message from my high school bestie:  her dad had passed away the day before, while she was still en route to be with him. He was 85 -- a year older than my dad. "Hug your parents when you see them," she advised me.  

I did.