Midweek odds & ends

• Bloglovin is out (AGAIN) today.  :p 
• In The New York Times recently:  an article about why parents are deciding not to have more children -- or realizing that more children are just not in the cards (and yes, the pandemic has been a major turning point). (Headline: "More Kids? After the Last Two Years? No Thanks.")  
• I don't like to play "Pain Olympics" -- I recognize that not getting the family you had envisioned is painful, no matter how many children you wanted and how many you ended up with. But I do wish the article had recognized (even in some small way) that some of us don't get ANY of the children we dreamed about, AT ALL, and that the pandemic permanently killed many women's chances of having even one child. (Especially when fertility is mentioned as an issue.)  
• The Guardian interviewed Therese Schecter about her new documentary, "My So-Called Selfish Life," which examines motherhood, pronatalism and the choice not to have children. 
• Quote from Schecter in the article: "Of course, there are many women who want children and cannot have them. I can’t speak for them, but I don’t think it helps for society to keep saying that having a child is the single thing that makes people the most happy.”
• The film premieres online May 6th (just before the weekend and THAT day...!), and will be available to stream from almost anywhere in the world until May 16th (at this link). Should be interesting! 
• The Guardian called "My So-Called Selfish Life a "worthwhile look at a still fraught subject" in this review yesterday. 
• Schecter was also this week's guest on New Legacy Radio with Christine Erickson. They talked about the documentary, and about how childfree women are depicted in movies and TV shows. 
• Australian writer Sian Prior, author of the newly released "Childless: A Story of Freedom and Longing," recently engaged in an amazing, wide-ranging conversation with Judy Graham and Sarah Roberts of Gateway Women Australia about the healing power of telling our stories. I really enjoyed this one. Watch it here! 
• Judy & Sarah were also recent guests on New Legacy Radio with Christine Erickson, discussing their personal stories, their work as childless grief therapists and how they are advocating for people without children in the broader Australian community.   
• Emilie Pine, a childless-not-by-choice Irish writer who wrote the amazing essay collection "Notes to Self," has just written her first novel, "Ruth & Pen."  Of course, it is nowhere to be found (yet??) on any Canadian or U.S. bookstore or e-book site that I checked...! (eyeroll) but I'm sure it will... eventually...!  I'll keep watching for it!  
• I read & reviewed "Notes to Self" back in 2019 (here). Highly recommended! 
• Pine was interviewed this past weekend for the Irish Times, where she talked about her work, her infertility and her grief over her childlessness. Headline: "‘I miss the children I didn’t have. Some people get that and some don’t.’ "
• Sample passage (but please do read the whole thing!):  

We talk about whether miscarriage and fertility are still not written about enough.

“I don’t know about you,” she says, “but there are quite a few memoirs about IVF and infertility and a lot of them end with a baby. And I found that really hard.”

I tell her that I feel like a lot of those books are written from a safe harbour – the hardship has been endured and overcome, the baby is in the world.

“I find it very difficult to read that,” she says. “I’m delighted for them in their lives but that’s not my story. It’s one of the reasons why I wrote Notes. When you’re going through it, you’re looking for something that will make you feel better in that moment, that looks vaguely like your life. I struggled to find that in 2015. So I wrote it for myself, the title of it really is true. Now there is that small window opening up for those kinds of memoirs. But so often, they’re also twinned with extraordinary things, like, you know, ‘I swam the Channel.’”

We both laugh.

“Why can’t we just be ordinary?” she says.

"The Great Silence" by Juliet Nicolson

I was trying to figure out what I wanted to read next, scanning both my e-reader and my bookshelves to see what would most grab my attention. I was still thinking about "The Great Influenza" (reviewed here) and the aftermath of World War I/the Great War, when I spotted a title that I bought in hardcover when it first came out in 2009 and (insert red-faced icon here) has languished unread on my bookshelves ever since then: "The Great Silence 1918-1920: Living in the Shadow of the Great War"  by Juliet Nicolson. 

This book will not be everyone's cup of tea, but the war, as well as its aftermath and its impact, is something that has long fascinated me. This is a period that was covered in "Downton Abbey," and in another recent read, "Mothering Sunday" (reviewed here) as well as "Into the Silence," which I read and reviewed back in 2013 (here). 

"The Great Silence" covers the first few years immediately after the war, and specifically focuses on the same day over three consecutive years -- (1) November 11, 1918, the day the armistice was signed and the war officially ended; (2) November 11, 1919, the first day of remembrance one year after the war ended, and the first time "the Great Silence" -- a nation-wide two minutes of silence at 11 a.m. -- was observed; and (3) November 11, 1920, when the permanent Cenotaph was unveiled by King George V in Whitehall, and the body of the Unknown Soldier was laid to rest in Westminster Abbey. (This was the last chapter of the book, and I will admit I had tears in my eyes as I read.)  

Personal stories -- from upper classes (including the Royal family) and servants, men and women, veterans and their families -- some names familiar, some not -- are recounted throughout. The stories of the many women who were widowed or left without men to marry (and, subsequently, left without children) are also touched upon. (This is the subject of another book that's in my reading pile, "Singled Out" by Virginia Nicholson.  I'll be honest -- I thought both books were by the same author -- Nicholson/Nicolson -- close!!)  There is an appendix at the end of the book where we find out a little about what happened to them. 

I found this book fascinating, and I learned a lot: about (to give just a few examples) the origin of the term "red light district" (!) and the inspiration behind D.H. Lawrence's scandalous novel "Lady Chatterley's Lover" (which I read when I was in my early 20s);  how the war led to advances in plastic surgery and prosthetics; the changing roles of women, including their entry into British government and political life; the rise of jazz music; the "Spanish" flu pandemic (of course); and so much more. There's a little of this and a little of that -- obviously, some of it more interesting than others. 

The grief and loss and turmoil of the war years and the years immediately after it eventually gave way to the Roaring 20s. It will be interesting to see what will happen in the years following our current turbulent times, including this most recent pandemic. 

4 stars on Goodreads. 

This was Book #23 read to date in 2022 (and Book #1 finished in May), bringing me to 51% of my 2022 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books -- I'm now past the halfway mark! I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 8 books ahead of schedule. :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2022 tagged as "2022 books."  

#MicroblogMondays: I'm an adult now??

(Not exactly a "micro" post, but it's what I've got today!) 

In a post yesterday, Mel posed the question "When Did You Become an Adult?" She was thinking about this after reading a 2016 article from The Atlantic ("When Are You Really an Adult?"). 

My response (before I read the article): 

I’m an adult?? (lol)

I suppose I thought I was an adult when I turned 18 and was able to go to a bar and to an R-rated movie without an adult. (The first one was “Animal House” — I took my younger sister with me.) Spoiler alert: I was not. I had NO idea, lol. I think it’s a gradual process with lots of milestones along the way and (as I alluded above) some might say it’s an ongoing lifelong process. There’s all the traditional life milestone (heading off to university, getting our first job, getting married, buying a home…) but there are lots of other milestones along the way too (losing people we love, illnesses, achieving a longtime goal…).

I suppose some might say that you become an adult when you have a baby and take on the responsibility of raising a child. It’s certainly an issue that those of us who don’t have kids wrestle with. Our pronatalist society prompts some of us to question whether we’re “real” adults (or a “real” family) if we don’t have kids; some of us feel that others (parents) think that way about us. (Sometimes we certainly get treated that way — I’ve heard many stories about the single childless aunt who winds up at the kids’ table on family holidays or gets relegated to the couch while the grandkids get their old room to sleep in when everyone is together at Mom & Dad’s house…!) I may not have a (living) child, but I daresay I was as much an adult the day I held my stillborn daughter in my arms — and then handed her back to the nurse to be taken to the morgue — as any mother who took her baby home from the hospital. Or the day I made the decision to stop infertility treatments because they had taken such a toll on my mental health and general wellbeing.

I think I feel a post coming on.

I wrote my comment before I read The Atlantic article, which is pretty interesting and makes some of the same points I did (so I wasn't too far off the mark...!). Sample passage:  

...if you think of the transition to “adulthood” as a collection of markers—getting a job, moving away from your parents, getting married, and having kids—for most of history, with the exception of the 1950s and ’60s, people did not become adults any kind of predictable way.

And yet these are still the venerated markers of adulthood today, and when people take too long to acquire them, or eschew them all together, it becomes a reason to lament that no one is a grown-up. While bemoaning the habits and values of the youths is the eternal right of the olds, many young adults do still feel like kids trying on their parents’ shoes.

(Some (*cough!*) "older" adults too!) 

To my point about how others regard and treat us... this is very true for those of us who haven't been able to have the children we wanted: 

Many young people, Jensen Arnett says, still want these things—to establish careers, to get married, to have kids. (Or some combination thereof.) They just don’t see them as the defining traits of adulthood. Unfortunately, not all of society has caught up, and older generations may not recognize the young as adults without these markers. A big part of being an adult is people treating you like one, and taking on these roles can help you convince others—and yourself—that you’re responsible.

With adulthood as with life, people may often end up defining themselves by what they lack. In her 20s, Williams Brown, the author of Adulting, was focused mainly on her career, purposefully so. But she still found herself looking wistfully to her friends who were getting married and having kids. “It was still really hard to look at something that I did want, and do want, that other people had and I didn’t,” she says. “Even though I knew full well the reason I didn’t have that was due to my own decisions.”

A couple more excerpts on the "having kids = adult" theme:  

...It’s not that you can’t be an adult unless you have kids. But for people who do, it often seems to be that flip-the-switch moment. In Jensen Arnett’s original 1998 interviews, if people had children, “having a child was mentioned more often than any other criterion as a marker of their own transition,” he writes.

...If adulthood is, as Burrow says “the negotiation of feeling accountable and responsible with the other lens of people endorsing and validating that view,” having children is one thing that seems to both make you feel like an adult, and get other people to believe you are one. The twin forces of identity and purpose, he says, are “really important currency in our current society,” and while kids may certainly give you both, there are plenty of other ways to find them.

The article mentions taking care of aging parents as another marker of adulthood. I think that's true. I don't live near my parents, but certainly whenever we're there and I see how much they've aged since my last visit, I find myself feeling more protective of them -- role reversal!  I'm not sure if it's because my sister & I don't have kids ourselves -- to some extent, I think you're ALWAYS a kid to your parents, no matter how old you are! -- but I know my sister & I have talked about how our parents expect us to do certain things, and how we're not sure they realize that WE aren't as young as we used to be either...!   

...A close friend’s father said to me, “You never really grew up, did you?” I was shocked; I am 56, married, well-traveled with a masters degree and a stable career. What field did THAT comment come from? I wondered. I had to consider for quite a while before I understood his train of thought; I have never had children (by choice), therefore I must still be one myself. 

I disagree with his vision; I see myself as an adult. After all, my students are a fraction of my age, my marriage is rocky, my hair has begun to grey, and I pay all my own bills: ergo I am an adult. My knees hurt, I worry about retirement, my parents are elderly and frail, and I now drive when we go places together; therefore I must be an adult. 

(That sounds about right to me!)  

Worth reading! 

*** *** *** 

Tangent:  Mel's post sent me down a bit of a rabbit hole on Sunday afternoon, lol.  When I read it, I immediately got the strains of a certain Can-rock song from the late 1980s running through my head, by an Edmonton band called The Pursuit of Happiness (TPOH). 

I'm not sure how much radio and video play "I'm An Adult Now" got outside of Canada, but (because of Canadian content regulations) it was a HUGE hit here. It's also a really catchy song (with a lot of humour in the lyrics -- see below!), lol -- and a rather iconic video too (shot on Queen Street in a rather grungy-looking late 1980s Toronto, for next to no money). (I wanted to embed it here, but the choices Blogger was giving me didn't have very good sound quality, so please use this link & watch!) 

I had the album/cassette it came from, "Love Junk" (now Older Nephew's), and a remastered 30th anniversary edition was issued a couple of years ago. (Here's a glowing review, republished in 2019.) Moe Berg, the lead singer/guitarist/songwriter (now a record producer) did a lot of publicity to promote it then, and I found a couple of interesting interviews (like this one, and this one), in which he reflects on writing (and still singing) a song called "I'm an Adult Now" (also another one from the album, "She's So Young" -- "She's so young, she's got the answer/She doesn't need to question her life like I do...") in his 20s, now that he's in his 60s (he just turned 63 in March). :)   

I also found a great blog post from 2017 about the song, written by a former DJ, which is also in keeping with the question being posed here:    

Fast forward to actually being an adult now.  I often hear my own students talking about the struggles of “adulting” (I like to tell them that the first part of becoming an adult is not calling it adulting, and I get eye rolls). To them, it’s things like looking for work, finding a mechanic, dealing with student loans, etc.  To us – if this song is to be used as our cultural artifact – it was drinking, dating, complaining about back pain, and noticing that the music got a little loud for our taste. I think we had it easier.

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

*** *** *** 

Here are the lyrics to "I'm An Adult Now": 

Well, I don't hate my parents

I don't get drunk just to spite them

I've got my own reasons to drink now

I think I'll call my dad up and invite him

I can sleep in till noon anytime I want

Though there's not many days that I do

Gotta get up and take on that world

When your an adult it's no cliche it's the truth

'Cause I'm an adult now

I'm an adult now

I've got the problems of an adult

On my head and on my shoulders

I'm an adult now

I can't even look at young girls anymore

People will think I'm some kind of pervert

Adult sex is either boring or dirty

Young people they can get away with murder

I don't write songs about girls anymore

I have to write songs about women

No more boy meets girl boy loses girl

More like man tries to understand what the hell went wrong

'Cause I'm an adult now

I'm an adult now

I've got the problems of an adult

On my head and on my shoulders

I'm an adult now

I'm an adult now

I'm an adult now

I can't take any more illicit drugs

I can't afford any artificial joy

I'd sure look like a fool dead in a ditch somewhere

With a mind full of chemicals

Like some cheese-eating high school boy

'Cause I'm an adult now

I'm an adult now

I've got the problems of an adult

On my head and on my shoulders

I'm an adult now

Sometimes my head hurts and sometimes my stomach hurts

And I guess it won't be long

'Fore I'm sitting in a room with a bunch

Of people whose necks and backs are aching

Whose sight and hearing's fading

Who just can't seem to get it up

Speaking of hearing, I can't take too much loud music

I mean I like to play it, but I sure don't like the racket

Noise, but I can't hear anything

Just guitars screaming, screaming, screaming

Some guy screaming in a leather jacket

Woah!

I'm an adult now

I'm an adult now

I've got the problems of an adult

On my head and on my shoulders

I'm an adult now

I'm an adult now

I'm an adult now

I've got the problems of an adult

On my head and on my shoulders

I'm an adult now

I'm an adult now

I'm an adult now

I'm an adult now

Right now

Right now...* 

*(an occasional (mostly monthly) meme, alternating from time to time with "The Current"). (Explanation of how this started & my inspirations in my first "Right now" post, here. Also my first "The Current" post, here.)

Pandemic diary/update:  April was Month #25 (heading into #26) of living with the COVID-19 pandemic. As detailed in last month's "Right now" post, capacity restrictions, vaccine passport requirements and (most) mask mandates were all lifted by mid-March. Not surprisingly, within a week or two, all the indicators started rising again, and before long, a 6th (!) wave was underway. Very quickly, new cases rose to an estimated (because limited PCR testing = underestimated numbers) 100,000+ per day, equal to the pandemic peak in January. Anecdotally, I'm hearing about more sick people (friends & otherwise) than at any other time during the pandemic, with the possible exception of late December/January.  (Once mask mandates were dropped in schools, absenteeism there skyrocketed, and of course the kids brought it home to their families... one advantage of being childless??)  Hospitalizations, ICU admissions and deaths also rose over the course of the month. The government has brushed off any queries about the rising numbers by saying they were "expected' (!) and "manageable" (!!), and that we had to "learn to live with covid." ("Move along, nothing to see here...") 

Many doctors have clamoured for the return of mask mandates (at the very least), to no avail (although the mask mandate for public transit, hospitals, long-term care homes and other medical facilities was extended into June). (While I am pro-masking for as long as the pandemic hangs around, I am not optimistic that people would comply if mandates were reinstated -- how do you stuff that genie back in the bottle?)  The province's chief medical officer of health disappeared from public view completely for more than a month (reminiscent of the premier's disappearing act for several weeks last December as Omicron numbers began climbing). Last seen at the Toronto St. Patrick's Day parade in March, he finally showed up for a briefing (which had been held daily) on April 11th, as the numbers surged. (Apparently he was on vacation in the Caribbean for part of that time -- despite the premier's assurances that the good doctor was working tirelessly for us every day...!)  I'm not sure he's had another briefing since then. 

Infuriating. 

(NOT) coincidentally, we have a provincial election coming up on June 2nd.  

Here are some stats from April (mostly from The Toronto Star, here and here). 

• There were 3,519 new cases reported in Ontario on April 1st, and 2,799 on April 30th, with peak numbers for the month (4,668) recorded on April 22nd. 
• Caveat:  The Star notes that "given new provincial regulations to limit testing that took effect on Dec. 31, 2021, case counts are no longer considered an accurate assessment of how widespread the virus is right now. Daily reported cases in 2022 should be considered under reported."  (Some provinces have stopped reporting daily new case numbers altogether, leaving citizens entirely in the dark.)
• At peak times during the two years of the pandemic, around 75,000 tests were being completed daily. During April, the number ranged between about 11,000 and 23,000.
• Test positivity was 16% on April 1st and 14% on April 30th. Peak day was April 17th, with 20%.
• Hospitalizations were up during the month, from 806 on April 1st to 1,676 on April 30th, peaking at 1,741 on April 26th.
• There were 167 patients with COVID-19 in Ontario's ICUs on April 1st, and 188 on April 30th, peaking at 219 on April 25th. 
• There were 18 deaths on April 1st and 13 on April 30th. The peak was 32 deaths recorded on April 6th. 

As of April 30th with a population of just over 14 million, Ontario has logged 1,258,137 (officially counted) cases of covid and more than 12,825 deaths. For Canada as a whole (population 38 million), those numbers are 3,741,125 and 39,182, respectively. 

90.2% of eligible Ontarians aged 5 and over have now had at least one shot and 86.8% are fully vaccinated. ("Fully vaccinated" = two doses, although some believe that definition should change to include boosters/third doses.) When those not eligible are included, the numbers are 86% and 82.8%, respectively.  Canada-wide, 82.3% of people are fully vaccinated.  

Uptake on third doses/boosters has been slow, and fourth shots/second boosters only started being offered more widely in mid-April. Currently, you're eligible if you're age 60+ (which includes me & dh) and 141 days past your third shot.  For us, that would be May 5th. The vaccine clinic affiliated with our family doctor's office sent me an email in mid-April, outlining the eligibility and inviting us to book appointments. (Quite a change from the frantic scramble we had to find and book our first and second vaccine appointments!)  I don't feel QUITE as anxious about getting this one as I was for the first three -- I feel like we are probably still fairly well protected -- but we will probably book appointments as soon as we're eligible.  

On the personal pandemic front:  Needless to say, dh & I have remained masked when out in public, and (mostly) socially distanced. Despite the rising numbers, we were actually more "social" and out and about this month than we have been in a while (although in several cases, it was at BIL's prodding...!). On top of dh's weekly trips to the supermarket for groceries and for occasional takeout lunches & dinners: 

• We went to BIL & SIL's on the first Sunday in April to have dinner with them, Older Nephew, his wife and Little Great-Nephew -- AND meet BIL & SIL's new puppy! 
• Two of dh's cousins who live nearby, the one cousin's husband and the other cousin's young adult daughter, also dropped by while we were there (at BIL's invitation). Despite the proximity, we hadn't seen any of these cousins since before covid began. 
• We went with BIL & SIL to see (another one of ) BIL & dh's cousins on a Friday night in early April -- the same family we spent the cottage weekend with last fall. 
• Dh & I made a "cannoli run" to a local Italian bakery/cafe earlier that afternoon so we'd have some treats to bring along to have with coffee (yum!). 
• We visited SIL & Little Great-Nephew (and the new puppy!) during the week 3 times.  
• On two of those visits, dh & I took LGN to the park for an hour, while SIL stayed in the house and wrangled the new puppy. He was (mostly) pretty good and it was pretty special to have that time together, just the three of us. :)  On one occasion, he even walked there between us, holding hands with both of us. As I said to dh, "I don't know if he'll remember any of this when he gets older -- but WE sure will!"  
• Dh & I went to the local Carters/Oshkosh store and to the drugstore to pick up a few things for LGN's Easter basket.  :)  
• Against our better judgment, we had dinner on Easter Saturday at BIL's, along with 12 other adults & 2 children (including SIL's two brothers and their families).  
• Dh & I headed to midtown Toronto (near where we had our first apartment, 35+ years ago) for checkups with our longtime optometrist on April 22nd. 
• And then we headed to a downtown hospital on April 26th to see an opthamologist. Enroute home, we stopped at the pharmacy to fill the prescription I received.  
• We headed outside -- along with everyone else in the building (well, a lot of them, anyway...!) -- when a fire alarm went off on the evening of April 23rd. 
• Dh spent yesterday with BIL at Older Nephew's house, doing some heavy-duty yardwork. (Older Nephew's Wife was at work, so dh mostly played with Little Great-Nephew and kept him busy while the other two did the work, lol.)  

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** 

Also right now:  

Reading: I finished 6 books in April (all reviewed on this blog, as well as Goodreads, & tagged  "2022 books").   

• "The House of the Deer" by D.E. Stevenson. (My review.) 
• "The Great Influenza" by John M. Barry (about the 1918 pandemic). (My review.) 
• "My Ticket to Ride" by Janice Mitchell. (My review.) 
• "Feeding My Mother" by Jann Arden.  (My review.) 
• "If I Knew Then" by Jann Arden. (My review.) 
• "The Story Girl" by L.M. Montgomery (group read with my LMM Readathon group on Facebook). (My review.) 

This brings me to 22 books read so far in 2022 -- 49% (almost half!) of my 2022 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books.  I am (for the moment, anyway) 8 books ahead of schedule. :)

Current read(s): 

• "The Great Silence" by Juliet Nicolson. 
• "The House of the Deer" by D.E. Stevenson (chapter-by-chapter reading & discussion with my DES online fan group, which began on April 25th; to be counted as a re-read when we're done, in late June). 
• "The Menopause Manifesto" by Dr. Jen Gunter. 

Coming up: 

(Most of my book groups have their next reads plotted out for a few months in advance -- and this is a great place for me to keep track of what I should read next, lol.) 

• For my D.E. Stevenson fan group (no set timeframes, but these are the next ones we've agreed to read after we finish the current book, in order):  
• "Anna and her Daughters" 
• "Sarah Morris Remembers" 
• For the Gateway Women book club: 
• "The Man Who Died Twice" by Richard Osman (May -- already read & reviewed here).
• "The Woman in the Photograph" by Stephanie Butland (June -- unfortunately, not available in Canada yet, it seems...  :(  ) 
• "These Precious Days" by Ann Patchett (July) 

Also: within the private online Gateway Women community, we've formed a group to discuss Jody Day's book, "Living the Life Unexpected," one chapter per month, in a live Zoom call. (There are actually two groups -- one that's more conducive to UK/European/Australasian time zones, and one for North Americans.) Our fourth call, discussing Chapter 4, was on a mid-month Sunday afternoon. Completing all 12 chapters will take us a full year.  If/when we complete the full 12 chapters, I'll count it as another re-read. :)  

A few recently purchased titles (in digital format, mostly discounted or purchased with points):  

• "On All Fronts" by Clarissa Ward 
• "All About Me!" by Mel Brooks 
• "Out of Office" by Charlie Warzel & Anne Helen Petersen 
• "The Good Ally" by Nova Reid 

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** 

Watching: The new Ken Burns two-part documentary on PBS about Benjamin Franklin, earlier in April. 

Listening:  Some great podcasts, including several episodes of New Legacy Radio, and catching up on the latest episodes of The Full Stop.  

Eating/Drinking: Way too much at Easter dinner at BIL's...! 

I couldn't resist buying a bag of Lindor milk chocolate mini-Easter eggs for myself (& dh -- but mostly for me, lol) at the same time I was buying some candy for Little Great-Nephew's Easter basket (as well as something for SIL's great-nephew). :)  I've been pretty good about staying away from chocolate lately, but hey! it's Easter!  lol  

Dh's cousin's wife made us a simple but lovely supper when we went there with BIL & SIL mid-month:  a slab of oven-baked salmon, done just right, focaccia bread from an Italian bakery, and a salad bar, set up on the kitchen counter, so we could help ourselves to whatever we liked. (And wine, of course, lol.)  Yum! (I love salmon!)  Dh & I brought mini-cannolis for dessert from a local Italian bakery that specializes in them, and BIL & SIL brought bombes, which are basically Italian jelly doughnuts (what we would have called "jambusters," growing up in Manitoba), but filled with custard or (yum!) Nutella. 

(Perhaps not coincidentally, my gallstones have been giving me some grief again lately. :p  Nothing major, but just enough to be annoying. Boo, hiss...) 

Buying (besides books, lol):  Things for Little Great-Nephew's Easter basket, including a some cute spring/summer shirts, a book, sidewalk chalk, a chocolate bunny and a wind-up chick toy. 

I took advantage of a spring sale to re-stock and stock up on a few favourite essential oil blends for my diffuser from Saje, online. And I ordered some summery new T-shirts from Old Navy. (Now -- when will I be able to wear them??)(See next item...!)  

Wearing: I had to put my cardigan back on over my short-sleeved T-shirts when the temperatures dipped.  :p  (Oh, April...!) 

Trying:  A different cleaner in the shower cubicle that has bleach in it. It cleaned up the mildew in the corners nicely, but oy, the fumes!  (I do wear a mask when I'm cleaning the cubicle -- they're not just good for covid!  lol)  I think I will have to use that one sparingly/as needed...!  

Wanting: To get out on my balcony and wash my windows/sliding doors!! -- they are FILTHY! It just hasn't been quite warm enough yet.  (Soon! Soon!!) (Building management hires window washers every spring, and they are coming later this month, but they will not come onto our balconies to do the windows there -- those are our responsibility. One of the few advantages of having one of the smallest balconies in the building = fewer windows to wash, lol.)  

Enjoying: A rare "me home alone" day yesterday, when dh went with BIL up to Older Nephew's house. I spent the morning doing a couple of those deep cleaning jobs I never seem to get around to doing. I actually scrubbed the grout in the kitchen & bathroom floor tiles, which was looking a tad dingy (!), and then mopped the entire condo. (We vacuum & dust mop at least once a week, but damp mopping gets done less frequently...!)(Another perq of not having children -- the floors don't need mopping as often!)  

And then I spent the afternoon listening to music and catching up on my social media accounts on my laptop.  :) 

Noticing:  A HUGE uptick in the number of spam messages I'm getting in my email lately. I had AT LEAST two dozen pop up throughout the day on Saturday. I mark them as spam, block the senders, delete... but they still keep coming. Extremely annoying. I'm going to talk to my sister's partner (the computer guy) next time I talk to her, but in the meantime, any suggestions?  

 Also: A green haze appearing on some of the trees around our building (leaf buds)... another sign of spring!  

Wondering: How it got to be May, already??!  

Also:  When the best time would be to book our summer trip to see my family in Manitoba?  My sister has two week of holidays booked for mid-July... but there's a family reunion in my mom's hometown in NW Minnesota in late July. (Not that I feel ready for large gatherings right now, let alone across the border...!) And my sister's 60th (!) birthday is in mid-September. Hmmm... (ETA:  Also the matter of my eye procedure & gallbladder removal surgery to be scheduled and possibly worked around...) 

Prioritizing:  My new eye care regime (to help alleviate my dry eye sydrome):  warm wet compresses, twice a day (morning & evening), gently scrubbing my eyelids and lashes every morning with Cetaphil and water, Systane eyedrops four times a day (I was prescribed Restasis, but didn't like how it made my eyes feel), and an omega vitamin with my breakfast, along with my Centrum multivitamin. I've set calendar prompts on my phone to remind me. 

Waiting: To book both my eye surgery and gallbladder removal surgery. (See this post.) (If I don't hear from the opthamologist on Monday, I'll call his office again on Tuesday.)   

Hoping:  I won't have to wait too long for both procedures... of course, everything is backed up because so many surgeries were postponed because of covid. 

Appreciating: How BIL & SIL (and the nephews) include us in family events and welcome our presence in Little Great-Nephew's life. (I know many childless/free aunts & uncles are not so lucky.) 

Loving:  The time we get to spend with LGN.  :) 

Feeling: Happy that the weather is getting nicer (albeit not quite fast enough for my liking...!).  A little overwhelmed by all my recent medical issues (but fully aware that things could be a whole lot worse!). REALLY bored with covid... but pretty sure things aren't going to get a whole lot better for a while yet... 

Odds & ends for the weekend

• FIVE WEEKS to the day after my colonoscopy, the doctor's office FINALLY called me with the pathology results for the three polyps that were removed. All negative/clear, thankfully. The doctor will call me for a follow-up phone consultation -- in September (?!! -- I blame covid for the lengthy timelines...) and I will return for my next colonoscopy in five years (not 10), which I understand is the standard protocol when they've found polyps (even if they're benign). (Hopefully by then they'll have invented a better prep drink...??)
• If you're looking for something nice to do for yourself on what can be a very difficult day for most of us in this community, Sarah at Afterward Honesty is offering a free yoga class for CNBC women on the afternoon of Sunday, May 8th (You-Know-What Day). 
• I was one of several CNBC bloggers who test-drove the class with Sarah recently. It's been quite a while since I hit the mat (and I've gotten decidedly more creaky since then -- erk!!)  -- and I've never tried doing a yoga class on Zoom before -- but Sarah was a great and accommodating teacher, and it was lovely to be in the same (virtual) space with some old friends and put together others' names & faces. :)   
• Katy, the Pleasure Anarchist (who is mostly on Instagram), shared how she made peace with a CNBC life in a great article on the Today Show website. 
• Sample passage: "I think a lot of people get really caught up on the on the idea of like, “Well, if I’m not a mother, then I’ve got to be extra cool and travel the world and have all these incredible experiences.” Don’t put that pressure on yourself. I’m just living a normal life! It’s OK to stop your fertility journey and just continue living, and that’s something I really want to stress. You don’t have to do anything spectacular. You can just drink a beer and lay in your hammock."
• Jill Filipovic interviewed Laura Carroll for her Substack newsletter about Carroll's recently released longitudinal study of childfree women, "25 Over 10" (which is in my to-read pile).  The study followed 25 childfree women over 10 years to see whether they changed their minds about having children (as many around them predicted they would). There's still some interesting and relevant content for those of us who didn't choose this life.
• Carroll is also the author of (among other things) "The Baby Matrix," the definitive manifesto about pronatalism and a must-read for childless and childfree people -- and parents, too!  
• Carroll talked about the book and about how childless and childfree people need to unite to build a shared movement for change on the New Legacy Radio podcast in March. 
• "America lost its way on menopause research. It’s time to get back on track." said The Washington Post in an opinion piece this week. (Hopefully not paywalled?)  
• I was blown away by these stats quoted: "More than 1 billion people worldwide will be in menopause by 2025. Today, there are 55 million in the United States alone, nearly 75 percent of whom report not receiving support or treatment for its effects." 
• And: "While one third of American women are at any time in some stage of menopause, most doctors don’t even know how to talk about it, let alone treat it. According to the Mayo Clinic, only 20 percent of postgraduate residents reported their programs had a formal menopause curriculum, and fewer than 1 in 10 residents in family medicine, internal medicine and gynecology told the clinic they felt “adequately prepared” to manage the care of patients in the various stages of menopause." 
• "As a new generation enters menopause, we are demanding change." It's about time...!  (The Brits, as usual, are miles ahead of North America on this front.)  
• Also in the Washington Post: "Google is letting you limit ads about pregnancy and weight loss" (and other sensitive topics). (Subhead: "When you’re fed up or grieving, targeted ads about sensitive topics can be hard to shake.") There may still be some ads that slip through:  "That’s why the company says the controls help you see “fewer” ads you don’t want to see, rather than “none.” " 
• To opt out of ad categories, go to myaccount.google.com. Select “Data & Privacy” from the menu on the left, then go to “Ad settings” and look for “Sensitive ad categories.” (Worth a try...!) 

"The Story Girl" by L.M. Montgomery (re-read)

My L.M. Montgomery Readathon group on Facebook is just completing our group reading & discussion (begun in January) of  "The Story Girl," one of Montgomery's early novels, published in 1911 (three years after "Anne of Green Gables").  The popular 1990s television series "Road to Avonlea" was based in part on this book.  

The plot -- such as there is -- revolves around the adventures of the King cousins of Carlisle, Prince Edward Island, and their friends. As the story opens, brothers Beverley & Felix King arrive from Toronto to stay with their extended family when their father is called to work in Rio de Janeiro. Among the people they meet: their 14-year-old cousin Sara Stanley, known as "The Story Girl" for her ability to captivate an audience with her stories (which we, as readers, also get to enjoy). 

As I mentioned in my original review, "The Story Girl" was written and set in a much different time, and there are a few terms/stereotypes/etc. that might give the modern reader pause and provoke/warrant discussions with younger audiences. Overall, though, for me, this was a warm and pleasant (re)read, and (as usual) our group discussions added so much to my understanding & appreciation of the book. 

My original rating of 4 stars remains unchanged. Our next selection has yet to be announced, but I hope that, eventually, we will cover the 1913 sequel to this book, "The Golden Road" (which I actually read as a pre-teen before "The Story Girl" -- there's a story behind that ;) and if/when we get to that book -- or I read it again on my own -- I will tell it to you here!).   

This was Book #22 read to date in 2022 (and Book #6 finished in April), bringing me to 49% of my 2022 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books -- almost halfway there! I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 8 books ahead of schedule. :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2022 tagged as "2022 books."  

Doctor, my eyes... *

* (old Jackson Browne song from the 1970s, for those of you too young to get the reference...!) 

The tl/dr:  Anyone had any experiences with keratectomy (eye surgery) to share??  :(   Or with dry eye syndrome? How about Restasis (eye drops)? 

The long version:  Dh & I went for our routine eye checkups last Friday in midtown Toronto, near where we had our first apartment. Our optometrist is one of the best-rated in the city. We both love him, and we've been seeing him for more than 35 years. (Dh asked him if he's thinking about retirement anytime soon and he said no, he's still having too much fun. ;)  ) I have rather wonky eyes (see this post, for (one) example) -- and he's always been very reassuring. 

I've had my current glasses for more than 7 years, and I've noticed the vision in the right eye has not been great, particularly over the past few years. I remember telling him this the last time or two we've been there, but he never thought there was enough of a difference to change my prescription. 

This time, however, there was a change -- a noticeable, significant change. He asked one of his colleagues to have a look to confirm what he saw. 

They told me I had something on the cornea of my right eye, in the inner corner -- some cloudiness -- an abrasion or infection, perhaps? They asked if my eye had been irritated recently. In retrospect, I guess it has. I did mention it's been very dry in our condo over the winter. 

Dr. Optometrist said he wanted to send me to Dr. Opthamologist, a cornea specialist at one of the hospitals downtown. "He's the best, there's no one better,"  he promised me (and I do believe him, because I think HE's the best).  They were able to book me an appointment on Tuesday, which is pretty darn speedy these days. I figured he'd look at my eyes, probably prescribe me some drops and that would be that. 

So, late Tuesday morning, dh & I trekked alllllll the way downtown, to a very old section of Toronto, found parking, found the registration desk, and eventually found the right place to go and checked in there. (Unlike some recent medical procedures & appointments during covid, dh was able to come inside with me this time, although he had to show his proof of vaccination first.)  Eventually I got called into an exam room, and gave my history to a young resident, who dilated my eyes (for the second time in four days!) and took some photos. 

Then I got taken into another room where another two young doctors had a look at me (both young women). The main one told me I had dry eyes and scar tissue on my cornea. (!) She told me the clinical term for it. (My optometrist called it "Saltzmanns," but she called it something different.)  Both she & the earlier guy asked me if I wore contact lenses -- I told them I had, but I haven't worn them in 15-20 years. 

She told me that I needed to have a surgical procedure done to remove the scar tissue. I did not catch the term at the time, but I have since learned that it's called a keratectomy -- and when did I want to schedule it?  

To put it mildly, I was flabbergasted. I was prepared for drops, but surgery?? (On my EYE??!) (Needless to say, I've always been squeamish at the prospect of laser eye surgery -- not that I would probably be a good candidate for it anyway.)  She told me it was elective and I didn't HAVE to have it done. I honestly didn't know what to say. She suggested I talk it over with Dr. Opthamologist, when he came in. 

Then (while I was still reeling at the prospect of surgery -- on my EYE!) she rattled off four things I needed to do to remedy the dry eye: warm compresses twice a day for 5-10 minutes at a time, eye drops four times a day (she gave me a prescription for Restasis), gently scrub my eyelids & lashes twice a day (first thing in the morning and again in the evening) to remove debris, and take omega vitamins. I asked her if she was going to write this down for me or give me a handout and she just repeated the four things, rapid-fire. (I'm amazed I remembered it all.) 

Finally I got to see Dr. Opthamologist. I will say, he was a very nice man. He asked me how I was, and I told him frankly that I was quite caught off guard, that I did NOT expect to be told I should have surgery! -- and he was very sympathetic and nice about it. He said I wasn't going to go blind or anything from this condition, and that I don't have to have the surgery if I really don't want to -- but it's recommended, and he'd be happy to do it for me. It takes about a week for the eye to heal and then another 4-6 weeks for your vision to adjust -- after which you can check and see if you need a new prescription for your glasses. Seeing my reluctance/hesitation to commit, he suggested I should talk it over with Dr. Optometrist. (He also reinforced some of the points the young female doctor had made about my dry eye, and gave me a handout that included some of those things in print that I could refer to -- thank you!)  

Needless to say, I was beat when we got home (and in bed by 9:30 p.m. that night!).  

So I called Dr. Optometrist yesterday to see what he thought. (Left a message and he called me back later in the afternoon.)  He'd already received Dr. Opthamologist's report. Contrary to what they'd told me at the hospital, he told me -- nicely, but bluntly -- that I NEED to do this, that it's not going to get any better, and that Dr. Opthamologist was the best there was for this kind of thing. 

By then I'd had some time to think about it and sort of resigned myself to the fact that I was probably going to have to do this. So I called and left a message with Dr. Opthamologist's office asking to book the procedure. Hopefully the wait won't be too long... 

(I felt even better after talking with my sister last night. She is at my parents' house right now -- coincidentally, my dad had cataract surgery on one eye yesterday in the city, and she drove him home and is staying there for the next few days to help out while he recovers.  I'd forgotten that -- also coincidentally! --  she had a very similar procedure last year for a "wrinkled cornea." (Yes, that's a thing!) She told me she hadn't realized until after she had it done just how bad her sight had gotten in that eye. She also gave me some tips -- e.g., keep your eyedrops in the refrigerator, and use a cold pack to minimize swelling.)  

I started doing the Restasis drops yesterday. I actually got the generic version -- it was $3.50 with my medical benefits plan, versus $32 for the brand name version. The instructions on the box say twice a day, but the doctor prescribed four times a day. There are 30 ampoules/doses in each box. At this rate, I'll be going through a box a week! The dr warned me there might be some stinging, but encouraged me to keep at it, it will eventually get better.  I didn't feel any stinging, but my eyes do feel dry/raw and a bit achy/swollen after using it. I did some Googling & some say it's just as effective to use regular drops like Systane (which is what I generally use). I asked Dr. Optometrist about this too. He said he's generally not a fan of Restasis -- he doesn't think it's bad, he just doesn't love it. But he encouraged me to give it a try for a while. I'll see. I may just go back to the Systane. 

Sigh.  This getting older stuff is not for sissies...!  :p  

(I'm STILL waiting for the results of the biopsies on the three polyps that were removed during my colonoscopy, 5 weeks ago!  And I finally called back the office of the surgeon I spoke to, two weeks ago, about scheduling my gallbladder removal surgery.  From what he told me, I thought someone was going to call me back within a day or two, and that the surgery would be scheduled within about two months. The receptionist kindly explained they booked surgeries in three-month blocks, and wouldn't be booking until June for surgeries to be done in July, August & September. Of course, they are backlogged right now because of covid. She sent me some paperwork to complete, after which I will be put on the waiting list. Sigh, again. So much for doing any advance planning for summer holidays until at least June...!)

So -- anyone with any experience with keratectomy (or any other kind of eye surgery)? (I'm pretty sure this is a laser procedure, although I'm going to have to confirm that.)  Or with dry eye syndrome?  Restasis??