Tuesday, October 23, 2018

Class reunion?

Brooke recently wrote about attending her 20-year high school reunion, and asked about her readers' reunion experiences. It's a somewhat timely topic for me, because my (GULP) 40-year class reunion (yes, FORTY!) will be next June.

I'm not one of those people who LOVED high school (although I didn't hate it either). I was not part of the "popular" crowd. I know I was regarded as a bit of an oddball. I was "smart," at a school where athletic ability was valued -- something I decidedly did not have. I read lots of books;  I used big words; I was shy. I was bullied, albeit not as much as I was in elementary/middle school.  My mother told me that things would be different when I went to university (and they were). The prospect of better things to come was far more alluring than what I had to get through to get there.

In retrospect, it wasn't all bad. I had some good friends, and some good times, particularly in music class & the school band, drama club, and our lunchtime Reach for the Top club sessions. (I was on the team that was sent to the TV show tapings in Winnipeg in Grade 12. We won our first round and lost the second.)  I was editor of the student newspaper, and worked on the yearbook. But I never find myself wishing I was back in high school. (University, maybe. High school, definitely not.)

In the summer of 1980, the year after I graduated (& the same year my sister graduated), the school hosted an all-class reunion to mark its 75th anniversary.  One year wasn't exactly time enough to invoke any huge feelings of nostalgia, but it was nice to see some of the kids I knew from the classes a few years ahead of mine, and catch up with my own classmates. I went to the variety show and parade -- and I brought my (pre-dh) college boyfriend to the dinner & dance held for 1970s grads at one of the hangars on the nearby air force base. I had never had a real date or boyfriend all through high school (one kinda/sorta boyfriend, briefly, in Grade 12) -- and this guy was gorgeous (not to mention a really nice guy -- I think the fact that he agreed to go to my reunion with me is proof of that, lol).  To see jaws literally DROP when I walked into the party with this really good-looking date on my arm was and still remains one of the most satisfying moments of my life. :)

I went to my 10-year reunion in June or July 1989, when I was 28, and had been married for four years. (My graduating class included 102 people;  about 50 attended. Many of the no-shows were the people who lived in town -- go figure.  One guy came all the way from Edmonton, 16 hours overnight on the bus, to be there. He turned around & went all the way back again in time for work on Monday.)  Dh was (understandably) not interested in attending with me, so I hitched a ride and shared a hotel room with one of my best friends, whose dh was similarly uninterested.

I had a better time than I thought I would, and had nice conversations with several people (guys as well as girls) who hadn't given me the time of day when we were all classmates. At that point, not everyone was married yet;  not everyone had kids (although two of my female classmates who got married straight out of high school had FOUR KIDS EACH by that point). We toured the school on Friday night & then gathered at a local bar, where they played 1970s songs for us. Saturday night was a dinner, '70s fashion show & dance, and Sunday there were baseball games and barbecues on a nearby farm owned by a classmate's family.

There have been other reunions & class gatherings since then, both for my class and the entire school, but I haven't been to any of them.  And I'm not sure I will get to my 40th next summer either.  I wouldn't MIND going -- I'm certainly curious to see how everyone's turned out ;)  -- but I'm not dying to go either.  Having to explain my childlessness/only daughter's stillbirth (umpteen times, I'm sure...) is certainly a factor in my reluctance.

I know, I know -- we've all had our own life disappointments and tragedies to deal with by now.  For example -- one guy I always had a bit of a crush on was hit by a car -- drunk driver, grrrr.... -- while jogging, a few years after we graduated, and has spent the years since then in a wheelchair. One of the girls I remember as both very pretty & friendly died from breast cancer.  I know another female classmate and her husband adopted two children from Romania back in the late 1980s/early 1990s. I understand that many children adopted from Romanian orphanages at that time (the Ceausescu era) had severe attachment & developmental issues. I have often thought about her over the years and wondered how she/they were doing. (Those kids would be young adults now, of course...!)

I'm not sure I would be the ONLY person there without kids -- but I'd definitely be in the minority.  And nevermind the kids -- I know many of my classmates are now (gulp) grandparents!  I only have so much tolerance for admiring other people's kid/grandkid photos & listening to their stories... particularly when they never seem to be very interested in my own.

Probably the biggest reason I haven't been to a reunion in 30 years, and probably won't be going this time either, is timing. Most of the reunions have taken place in late June or early July, to take advantage of the summer vacation period. (One all-school reunion fell on/around July 6th, 2005 -- which happened to be my 20th wedding anniversary. Needless to say, that's NOT how my dh wanted to spend the day!!)  Dh & I are usually "home" in late July or early August, around the time of my dad's birthday.  Next July, he'll be turning 80, so I'd like to be there for that one, if I can. I don't think I can hang around for a full month in order to make it to both events -- and since I haven't won any lotteries recently, I don't think the budget can stretch to include two round trips so close together.  Also, I don't drive, and unless dh is willing to take me (a big if...), I would have to beg rides with one of my girlfriends again.

It's not like I haven't kept up with (some of) my classmates over the years. I'm actually in touch with more of my high school friends than the ones from my university years and, thanks to the Internet (lol), I've been able to find out about some of the others I wasn't as close to.  I grew up long before personal computers and the Internet, of course, but a good number of my peers are on Facebook these days.  I'm Facebook friends with most of my best friends from my class, and a few others who "friended" me out of the blue. We have a class Facebook group, where people organize get-togethers and post photos later.  For example, there's an annual Christmas dinner for the locals and anyone else who happens to be in the area, which more than 20 people attended last year -- and a half-dozen of the girls drove to Minneapolis together this past summer to see Jimmy Buffet & the Eagles in concert. (We DID grow up in the Seventies, after all...!)

How about you? Have you been to a school reunion? Would you LIKE to attend one?

3 comments:

  1. I never heard about my ten-year reunion; Facebook wasn't really a thing yet at that point, and I figured none of my classmates knew where to find me, as I'd grown up in the Pacific Northwest but now live in the Midwest. But I did go to my twenty-year. I'd had two "crowds" I hung out with in high school, so I split my time at the reunion between those groups. I was surprised at how many people were (or at least seemed) genuinely pleased to see me - hey, it turns out I was better liked/more popular than I'd felt at the time! But the biggest thing was a person who'd inflicted some pretty significant bullying in junior high and early high school was also at the reunion, and came over to me to apologize for how they'd behaved back then. They'd been carrying this around for half a lifetime; it was time for them to set it down. Part of me thinks I was meant to go to this reunion, specifically so *that* encounter could happen. So going to the twenty-year was healing for a number of old wounds. But I did choose not to go to the "family picnic" reunion event the following day; that would have opened plenty of other childless-not-by-choice wounds!

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  2. My 20th (gasp!) reunion is coming up next summer. I attended the five year reunion because I still lived in my hometown. We got asked to leave the banquet hall because several of my illustrious classmates showed up intoxicated and then continued to drink. After the group got kicked out, several of my high school friends and I went to a bar and had a fun time catching up, which was more fun than the actual reunion. I didn't go to the 10 year reunion because I was living in a different state by that time and they scheduled it for a Sunday afternoon. I didn't go to the 15 year because whoever plans these things decided to make it a family friendly picnic, and since we were right at the phase of infertility where the shit hit the fan, that was definitely a no go. I haven't heard anything about the 20 year reunion yet. Part of me is curious to go and part of me doesn't really care to. I only stay in contact with a few people from high school, and I figure if we weren't friends in high school and we haven't been friends in the past 20 years, a friendship probably isn't going to start now.

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  3. Funny you both mentioned family-friendly events! The Sunday barbecue at my 10-year reunion was a family thing, and several people brought their kids. But at that point, I was just 28 & kids were still a "someday" thing for me, so it didn't bother me the way it would have another 10 years later. :p (And those kids would now be 30-40 years old themselves!!)

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