- I loved this post from Berenice at The Full Stop podcast (on the podcast website) about birthdays, aging and the celebrations that matter. Sample quote: "The celebrations that matter to me aren’t my birthday. It’s getting through a day feeling worthy, a week of good mental health, a night when I sleep without worry, or a honest and empathic conversation about childlessness. It’s running on the beach with my beloved dog next to me. My wedding anniversary is a celebration because it is impossible to underestimate how much pressure infertility places on partnerships. Even the closest couples struggle to know the words." Go read the whole thing.
- What do you think about this New York Times opinion piece about misogyny towards mothers? Part of me thinks she has a point. But part of me (the childless part) rolls my eyes and thinks, "Try being childless in a culture that at least pays lip service to the sanctity of motherhood...!" (Office baby showers aside, motherhood may not be valued in the corporate world -- but when it comes to "baby bump" worship in popular magazines and the reverence shown towards mothers in advertising and social media memes, it's still a very different story.) Personally (when I manage to calm Childless Me down, lol), I think we need to focus on misogyny towards women, period, and not quibble so much about whether mothers or childless women (etc. etc.) have it worse.
- CBC News recently did an investigative series on "The Baby Business," about surrogacy in Canada -- which I believe is more regulated than it is in the United States (but apparently not enough). Part one aired on the Monday night supper hour local TV newscast, and feature intended parents who felt taken advantage of by agencies' lack of transparency & oversight; part two, later in the week, is from the surrogates' perspective, and the pressure they feel from agencies to have multiple babies for multiple couples, with little recovery time in between pregnancies. (Personal note: the high-risk obstetrician interviewed was the on-duty ob-gyn the morning after I delivered Katie; he has an interest in placenta issues and was very interested in my case, and had I ever been pregnant a second time, I would likely have been referred to his care.)
Friday, March 6, 2020
Odds & ends
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I've just read the excellent NY Times article. I think her point is that the misogyny towards mothers is just a shortcut for general misogyny. I liked this comment of hers -
ReplyDelete"But the great paradox of misogyny is that its object is womanhood itself — not traditional womanhood or nontraditional womanhood, but the very fact of being a woman. One can’t dodge it by hewing to her place. Even in the archetypally feminine role of mother, women can find themselves the subjects of that old and storied hatred."
She's basically saying that we can't win. And as you say, we childless women know that! Brava to your call to be inclusive. Sadly, we're all victims of misogyny. Even those who don't know it - even those women who do it to others. Now I'm feeling really depressed.
I loved Berenice's post too. Celebrations can be tough.