Tuesday, August 11, 2020

Odds & ends

  • So, Joe Biden has chosen Kamala Harris as his running mate in the U.S. presidential election... anyone want to take bets on how long it will be before someone comments the fact that she's not a mother?? (She does have two grown stepchildren via her husband's first marriage.) 
  • Lyz Lenz, the Iowa-based writer who authored the Washington Post article I took apart about the Wall of Moms (!), has a new book out today, called "Belaboured:  A Vindication of the Rights of Pregnant Women."  Despite my reservations about her Post article ;) I do like a lot of her other writing that I've seen, and her previous book, "God Land" is in my TBR pile. 
    • Needless to say, I haven't yet read her newly published book, BUT, I did catch her in a live conversation earlier tonight with the fabulous Dr. Jennifer Gunter, fellow Manitoban :) and author of The Vagina Bible, sponsored by Books Are Magic.
    • It was a lively conversation on a wide range of topics related to women & their bodies. I submitted a question asking whether pregnancy loss &/or infertility are addressed in the book, but the hour was up before they got to it. :( 
    • Watch for the video to appear on the bookstore's blog
    • Be forewarned: 
      • Lenz is currently living in a hotel room, since a tree fell on her house after a windstorm swept through Iowa a few days ago (!), and children & a puppy are visible in the background. 
      • Sensitive political issues are freely discussed, including abortion. 
      • Several F bombs get tossed by both interviewer & interviewee.
  • The other night, I listened to an 18-minute podcast/conversation on "What the Pandemic Might Mean for Conversations About Being Childfree." It featured Dr. Amy Blackstone, author of "Childfree by Choice: The Movement Redefining Family and Creating a New Age of Independence" (which is in my gargantuan TBR pile of books), and Samhita Mukhopadhyay, who recently wrote a piece for the The Atlantic on the subject, with the hopeful title of "One Legacy of the Pandemic May Be Less Judgment of the Child-Free." 
    • As I commented on a childless forum, I'm not sure I saw any evidence presented in the article to convince me of that ;) but it's a nice thought. (We can always hope...!) 
    • And, as usual, the focus was on childFREE versus childLESS women -- there was no mention of the fact that most women without children didn't actively choose this life, and might be struggling with loneliness while parents talk incessantly about the challenges they're facing while parenting during this pandemic. 
    • Nevertheless, it's nice to listen to an intelligent discussion about women without children and the very real challenges they are facing during this pandemic (and outside of it). 
    • Among the points made: 
      • There's a (false) assumption among parents that childfree people have no responsibilities and endless free time. It's completely untrue, and it's something that divides us. We may not be facing the same pressures as people who have children, but we are taking care of parents, working full time, volunteering in our communities...
      • There is no space in our collective imagination for what a woman does when she doesn't have children. 
      • We need to try to understand and help each other. 
      • Women without children are still asked to justify their decision to others. "You would think it would be parents we should ask to justify their choice...!" 
      • We need to focus on our shared interests, e.g., work/life balance. The vision of that is "children," but the reality is that we all have lives outside of work that matter to us, and we all need and deserve balance. 
      • The pandemic has opened up a space for parents to talk about the challenges of parenting. The decision not to have children has to be a part of that conversation, along with the recognition of why people opt out of parenthood, and why parenthood might not be the best fit for all of us. 

2 comments:

  1. Didn't realize Kamala isn't a mother until you mentioned it. I do wonder if mothers who vote won't vote for her because she is not one. Hmmm. If anything I think she not being a mother would make her a better VP than if she had kids because all her focus would be on being the best VP and not that + a mother.

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  2. I also didn't realise she wasn't a mother. I dread to think of the comments - apparently, the racist misogyny is running rampant already.

    There is no space in our collective imagination for what a woman does when she doesn't have children. Exactly! And especially, I will add, if she's not a career woman (or retired/unemployed). Also, when I lived and worked in Thailand, my DH was an anomaly. No-one (male OR female) could understand what he did all day, when he didn't have children, and didn't have a job there. The fact that they ALL had maids and nannies and kids in school, and had almost as much free time as DH, was irrelevant.

    "You would think it would be parents we should ask to justify their choice...!" Yes, yes, yes.

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