Is this a "thing" now??

It's Labour Day weekend, and I'm bracing myself for all the back-to-school photos next week (and over the next few weeks) -- although I've already been seeing them from the States, where some schools start in mid/late August.  

This is the weekend a lot of parents are moving their kids into university/college dorms and apartments, and I have a couple of friends who are sending kids off to university for the first time. For some, it's their last kid to leave home, and they're going to be empty nesters. Lots of angst. (Needless to say, I cannot relate.)  

One such friend took both of her sons to their respective schools over the weekend -- the older one starting third year at one school, and his younger brother starting first year at another = leaving home, and leaving her and her husband empty nesters. I knew there would be photos -- but I was dumbfounded when she posted photos of a a beautiful silver bracelet her younger son bought her as a "thank you Mom" gift. (It actually spells out "THANK YOU MOM" in silver letters.) She also posted a photo of the necklace her older son bought her when HE first went off to university three years ago. 

Is this a "thing" now??  (Or did she just raise very thoughtful boys?? lol)  I've never heard of buying your mom a "thank you Mom" gift when you go off to school or leave home. Of course I never heard of "push presents" until a few years ago either. 

Everything is a production and a photo op these days, it seems...!  (And a marketing/sales opportunity for businesses too, of course...!) 

(Here's another example:  Older Nephew's Wife has been a bridesmaid for several friends in recent years, and apparently you don't just give gifts to your wedding party at/just before the wedding anymore, you also hold a party where you ASK them to be in your wedding party, and give them gifts then too!! At least, that seems to be the practice hereabouts.)  

Have you ever heard of this? 

*** *** *** 

On a related note -- this article from The Atlantic (gift link) points to another back-to-school trend I've noticed in recent years and been hearing more about lately:  elaborately (and sometimes even professionally)(?!!) decorated dorm rooms, mostly courtesy of the Bank of Mom & Dad.  

I mean, seriously?? 

Here's how much times have changed (and why I simply cannot relate to all the back-to-school stuff, beyond not having a kid myself):  

I arrived at university 46 years ago this weekend (Labour Day weekend, 1979). There were no pre-application/acceptance tours of campuses with parents in tow. (I can't think of anyone who would have been caught DEAD doing that with Mom & Dad in those days.)  My high school arranged group tours of the two universities and one community college in the nearby city (an hour away) for any students interested in checking them out, and I did go on all of those, even though I was pretty sure which one I was going to attend. 

Earlier that summer, one of my high school girlfriends and I took the bus into the city to register and sign up for our courses -- which, in those early days of computerization, involved filling in a form manually, then going around from one prof's office to another to get their signatures, and then standing in long lineups at the student union building with our chequebooks and forms to pay for it all). 

We may have taken a stroll past the all-female dorm we'd applied to live in (one of several on campus), but never set foot inside before moving in. We'd requested each other as roommates on our applications, which you could do -- but it was not guaranteed our request would be accepted. In fact, I don't think I knew until I actually arrived on campus that weekend who my roommate would be. And -- unbeknown to me -- she had expressed preference on her residence application for a single room -- should she not get one, she'd take a cheaper double room with me. Preference for singles was given to returning students. Nevertheless, she beat the odds and got a single room. I think I knew this before we moved in, but I don't remember for sure. 

My mother drove me into the city that day (I think it was on the long weekend Sunday, and I don't think my dad or my sister came). There was no specific set time (other than showing up on the weekend before classes began, during office hours); we just showed up. (I remember standing in a few lineups, but they weren't very long.) I think I had two suitcases with me containing mostly clothes and a few small items, maybe a few other things, and that was about it. I don't think I was too unusual in that respect (although of course my parents didn't live tht far away, so anything I'd forgotten or needed, I could get the next time I was home or they were in the city.) 

We paid my fees at the administration office desk, got my keys and meal plan punch card for the dining hall, had my photo taken for the residence directory, and headed up to see my room. The "proctor" (residence assistant for my floor) came over to introduce herself and invite me to go with her and a couple of the other girls who had already moved in to party/social event that night. I don't remember Mom helping me unpack or lingering, or any tearful goodbyes. I was, of course, only an hour away from home, and those were very different times. 

I knew my new roommate's name, but nothing else about her. When Mom & I arrived at the room on the third floor (it was a nine-storey building overlooking the river, built in the early 1960s), my roommate was not there, but her stuff was. I stared at the framed photos on the desk and other things, trying to guess from those clues what she might be like.  She didn't actually arrive until Labour Day Monday. I'd been out and when I returned, she was sitting there, painting her nails, a polished, petite blond girl. I was a little taken aback at first -- but very happily, after some initial awkwardness, we soon got to know each other better, became fast friends, and we're still in touch, all these years later,  

Like many dorms of the era, the rooms had cinderblock walls. There was one long shared built-in counter/desk, spanning the wall below the window, with a couple of drawers below on either side, and two bookshelves and two bulletin boards on either side of the window, two chairs, two beds and, on the walls opposite the desk/window, two small closets for our clothes, and a couple of drawers topped with a counter and mirror. The beds came with pillows, linens (changed weekly by maids;  we had to strip the beds if we wanted the sheets washed, and make the beds up with the new sheets ourselves) and thin bedspreads. Some girls brought their own pillows and bedspreads/quilts from home, which I did, eventually (nothing new, a castoff from my sister's room at home).  

There was a bathroom shared by the entire floor, with several (four, I think) toilet cubicles and sinks, which was often a gathering space at night as we washed our faces and brushed our teeth before going to bed. There was a shower room with several shower cubicles, and a couple of separate tub rooms each equipped with a bathtub and sink. A handful of  large rooms or suites were reserved for people like the residence council president, the head resident (an administrative role), and some of the residents who had lived there the longest, had larger rooms/suites with private bathrooms. I got one of those rooms in my fourth and final year by virtue of my seniority -- a double room converted to a large single with a private bathroom (including tub/shower unit) -- and I must say it was nice. :)  There were coin-operated washers and dryers in the basement where you could do laundry. 

Our rooms had no phones: there was a payphone downstairs. There were phone jacks in each room, though, and we could (and did) go to the phone company office at the local mall (a short bus ride away), and arrange to rent one. (Most of us got the basic black, dial model, which was the cheapest option.) My roommate and I split the rental cost and each paid for our own long-distance calls. Long distance, of course, was expensive in those days. The weekends that I didn't go home -- and I didn't actually go home that often, especially after the first while, and then my parents moved further away, which reduced my incentive to visit too often -- I would call home on Sunday night to chat (which was the cheapest). We also bought a small wipe-off message board with an attached water-soluble marker. Just about everyone had one; that was how we left messages for our friends and neighbours, in those pre-computer & pre-cellphone days.  

Over time, I brought more and more stuff from home. I think I already had an electric alarm clock-radio (with the numbers that flipped over -- pre-digital days!). I brought a desk lamp, and my portable typewriter, and a couple of favourite stuffed animals. We papered the walls with posters, bought at the campus bookstore and the nearby KMart (I particularly remember Peter Frampton and Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem from The Muppets over my bed, lol -- maybe because they're both visible in one of the few photos I took of my room that year -- see below). 

There was a full-sized refrigerator in the floor lounge (also a kettle and toaster), but my new roommate brought a small kettle/hot pot, and I contributed a small bar-size refrigerator (thanks, Dad!), and we assembled a small collection of mugs, glasses, plates and cutlery (many -- ahem! -- pilfered from the cafeteria). The parents also provided a small (12") black-and-white TV. Using the "rabbit ears" antenna, I could pull in a few (about 4) local stations. When I was in third year, my parents gave me a stereo for Christmas, which I'd been begging for for YEARS -- a turntable, tuner/radio/cassette . (I promptly burst into tears.)  I took it with me when I returned to school after the holidays, along with some of my LPs (and naturally I accumulated more over time). When I got a bigger room in third year, I made a low bookshelf out of a couple of boards and some bricks that a friend with a car helped me to buy at nearby lumber yard. 

There was storage space in the basement where you could keep boxes and trunks and larger items (like mini-fridges) in the summertime. We'd leave a note in the elevator for Tom, the good-natured caretaker, asking him to "please come take my boxes from Room 324 down to storage, thanks!" and then the reverse in the fall -- "Hi Tom, could you please bring up the boxes for Lori Lastname to Room 742" -- and they would magically appear in your room when you got back from class later that day. 

I lived in that dorm for all four years of undergrad, moving up to larger and larger single rooms -- and accumulating more and more stuff. ;)  (Textbooks alone took up a few boxes.) As I said, I arrived that first fall (1979) with little more than two suitcases. When I moved out in April 1983, my dad had to borrow a friend's half-ton pickup truck, and we completely filled the back. We borrowed a trolley from Tom, and made several trips up and down in the elevator and out to the truck, as my floormates sat in the lounge and watched in amusement. When we brought out the last few boxes, they broke out into applause. (Smarta**es, lol.)  

I cried as we drove away. It was the end of an era. That dorm was my home for four years-- especially once my parents moved away from the town where we'd lived for six years, and where I'd gone to high school. They were some of the best -- definitely the most fun -- years of my life, and I still think about it, and dream that I'm back there. 

I think I've posted this photo before? 
My side of my first-year dorm room, with standard dorm bedspreads and furniture.
Dr. Teeth & the Electric Mayhem & Peter Frampton above the bed. :) 
Fall 1979. 

"Death Comes to Marlow" by Robert Thorogood

I finished my previous book a week ago Friday (Aug. 22nd). That Sunday night (the 24th), PBS aired the first episode of the second season of  "The Marlow Murder Club," based in part on "Death Comes to Marlow" by Robert Thorogood, a sequel to "The Marlow Murder Club,"  which I read almost exactly a year ago and reviewed here. (He adapted the book for the first two episodes;  the remaining four episodes will feature two new storylines by other writers, featuring the same characters, but not based on the books -- we'll see how that goes...!)

I didn't think I'd have time to read the entire book before last Sunday night (and I didn't), but I figured I could at least read enough to cover the events of episode 1.  :)  Not quite, but I did get up to chapter 17 (36%), and (after a busy week) finished it this morning.    

The plot:  cryptic crossword maven Judith receives a call from Sir Peter Bailey -- a neighbour whom she barely knows -- inviting her to the party he's giving the day before his wedding -- a second marriage to his caregiver, Jenny Page.  He hints to Judith that he's heard about her murder-solving prowess and has something he wants to discuss with her. 

Accompanied by Suzie (dogwalker, now a radio host, and another member of the Marlow Murder Club), Judith attends the party -- where third MMC member Becks and her vicar husband are also in attendance, as well as Sir Peter's two adult children, both of whom disapprove of the marriage. But before Judith can speak with Sir Peter, there's a loud crash from inside the house. Sir Peter is nowhere to be found and the door to his study is locked from the inside;  when the door is broken down, the groom-to-be is found dead -- crushed below a heavy bookcase that has toppled over.  

The incorrigible Judith, of course, immediately suspects murder -- but all the potential suspects have solid alibis, so the police don’t consider the death suspicious. Once again, it's up to the Marlow Murder Club to figure out whodunnit...  

Like the original book, this was a fast and easy read -- light, entertaining, and quite funny in some parts, especially near the beginning.  

However, the same criticisms I had of the original book still apply here.  While it's great to see a strong older (childless) female lead character, Judith can be annoying at times (no wonder poor Tanika, the young police officer, gets exasperated with her). The writing style is rather basic: sometimes it seems like every little detail gets spelled out in full, and the book is probably longer than it needs to be. Case in point: like the original, Judith confronts the killer near the end and -- in a lengthy near-monologue, spanning TWO ENTIRE CHAPTERS and 46 pages!!! (on my e-reader, in a generous type size) -- explains how and why they did it. It's all rather twisty and convoluted and highly improbable.  

As for the TV version: as usual, there are some deviations/compressions/omissions from the original text -- particularly since there are only two hour-long episodes to cover the whole book in. Suzie and Becks's domestic situations/family relationships are played up more than they are in the book. Other details have been added, and some scenes are clearly played for laughs. A scene from the book, where the trio shadow Sir Peter's son, has morphed into a wild chase sequence where all three hop aboard a borrowed senior's motor scooter, with Judith and Becks hanging on for dear life as Suzie drives, roaring around corners and over speed bumps (!).  And once again, Rita Tushingham provides a brief moment of comic relief in a blink-and-you'll-miss her cameo role as the bane of Becks's existence, irritating parishoner Mrs. Eddingham, a character who doesn't appear in the books (the first two that I've read, anyway). As I said about the first season, while it's nice to see her in front of the camera again, and despite receiving prominent billing in the cast list, she's given little to do (has nothing to do with the plot itself), and is essentially wasted here. 

I gave "The Marlow Murder Club" 3 stars on both Goodreads and StoryGraph, and I'm sticking with that rating for this sequel as well.  

This was Book #25 read to date in 2025 (and Book #4 finished in August), bringing me to 56% of  my 2025 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 4 books behind  schedule to meet my goal.  :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2025 tagged as "2025 books." 

A "new" approach? I think not...

Mel recently mentioned a post from Infertile Phoenix, in which Phoenix describes coming across her old basal temperature charts from her TTC days. She (Mel) was wondering if people still read Toni Weschler's book ("Taking Charge of Your Fertility"), which many in the TTC community regard as the "bible" -- or did, during my own TTC days -- and which promotes fertility awareness through natural methods such as charting your morning temperature with a basal thermometer. 

I told Mel in the comments that it's still out there! -- I've seen copies of the latest edition in bookstores recently -- and I remember reading an article not too long ago about it, and how it (like so many other things these days, unfortunately…) has become politicized, much to Weschler's dismay. This link is, unfortunately, behind a paywall (at least it was for me) -- and Pocket, which used to be my first stop in trying to get around paywalls, is now defunct -- but you can still read some paywalled articles via the archive.today website.  Try this link from there. 

I wrote about TCOYF and how I used it back in 2018. Obviously, it did not work for me! (nor did several subsequent rounds of clomid & IUIs) but I am still glad I read it and gained that better knowledge of my body and how it works. I would still highly recommend the book for all young women, whether or not they want children or are experiencing fertility issues. (Men should read it too!) 

I was reminded of these posts and articles when I saw another recent article from the New York Times about a "new" (new??) "natural" approach to infertility called "restorative reproductive medicine" (gift link), which is being promoted by both Christian conservatives and the Make America Healthy Again movement. TCOYF is not mentioned, but its methods would likely be included in such an approach. The concept proposes to address what proponents describe as the “root causes” of infertility, while leaving IVF as a last resort. 

"Physicians who specialize in the approach analyze patients’ diet and exercise habits, while helping them “chart” their menstrual cycles, a process that can help expose certain reproductive health conditions, like endometriosis, that may lead to infertility," the article says. "Practitioners treat reproductive health conditions but do not offer I.V.F." 

Although President Donald Trump has signalled his support for IVF and making it free of charge, Republicans at both the state and federal levels are now busy promoting measures to fund "restorative reproductive medicine," and to require insurance companies to cover it -- while continuing to downplay and dither over IVF.  

Of course, what they're promoting is far from "new" for anyone who has experienced infertility. Most of us who have ventured down the infertility treatment path have been there, done that, bought the T-shirt  -- charted, felt for the position of our cervix, noted our "ewcm" (and guzzled gallons of Robitussin cough syrup in an attempt to increase it), lay on our backs with our legs up in the air after sex, sworn off alcohol, changed and watched our diets (ate copious amounts of pineapple), taken extra vitamins, tried to lose weight,  tried yoga, meditation, acupuncture, essential oils, "natural supplements," crystals, and goodness knows what else -- and undergone umpteen ultrasounds, endometrial biopsies and sometimes laparoscopies and more invasive surgical procedures, before moving on to trying clomid and IUIs (with and without using fertility drugs) -- and only THEN moving on to more intensive (and costly) interventions like IVF. 

Leading medical organizations agree:  

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists called restorative reproductive medicine “unproven” and “not a medical term,” stressing that many patients have already tried to chart their cycles, treat underlying conditions and make lifestyle changes by the time they arrive at an infertility clinic. While those methods may work for some, several leading I.V.F. doctors said people experiencing infertility often required more help — and months or years spent on restorative reproductive medicine could delay the I.V.F. they would ultimately need in order to conceive. Because female fertility declines with age, doctors said those delays could jeopardize a woman’s ability to get pregnant.

“They’re underestimating how hard we try to avoid I.V.F.,” said Eve Feinberg, a medical director of fertility and reproductive medicine at Northwestern Medicine. “When people walk into my clinic, we don’t do I.V.F. tomorrow. We try to figure out other things.”

Many readers agreed in the comments. "Only someone who has never gone through any fertility treatment would think the techniques described here are something new," the top-rated comment points out. "They are just the first steps in fertility treatment. If they worked for everyone, we wouldn't have IVF." 

Another highly rated comment (and there are lots of others in the same vein):  "I don't see any "restorative" treatments discussed in this article that focus on the MALE half of infertility..." 

Senator Tammy Duckworth, a Democrat from Illinois, is blunt: 

“They want to delay and delay and delay and essentially come up with fake science and ways to delay so that people can never actually get to the I.V.F. solution,” said Ms. Duckworth, who has had two children through I.V.F.

I'm all for better educating people about their bodies and how they work, and for more comprehensive fertility investigations at a younger age. (While I adored my longtime family doctor -- who recently passed away -- when I was 36 and expressed concern that I wasn't getting pregnant after more than a year of trying, he basically patted me on the head, and said, "Don't worry it will happen.  It actually did happen when I was 37 -- but we all know how that played out...! And I never got pregnant again, with or without assistance.)  

However, my suspicion is the powers that be will promote this "new" concept -- which might help some people, but certainly not anyone with serious fertility issues -- while de-funding more effective (albeit more expensive -- and more politically contentious) treatments such as IVF, and making them harder to access. 

A "new" approach? I think not. 

#MicroblogMondays: Odds & ends

• 
  Apparently Friday, Aug. 22nd, was Rainbow Baby Day (trigger warning: baby photos) -- and while I didn't spend a lot of time on social media that day, my feeds had more mentions about it from various loss/infertility/childless accounts than I've ever seen in the past. (I'm going to have to add this one to my calendar so that I remember in the future and it doesn't take me by surprise again!) 
• All power to those of you who have had your "rainbow baby(s)" -- but huge thanks and bouquets to those few lovely souls (many/most of them from the childless-not-by-choice community, but also a few who were not) who dared to remind people that not everyone is lucky enough to get their rainbow. 
• Of course, some of us might still get a rainbow -- albeit maybe not in the form of another baby. 
• Previous Rainbow Baby Day post from 2020 here.  
• I love Lisa Sibbett's Substack, The Auntie Bulletin, and I loved her recent post about "The Seven Blessings of the Aunties:  Here’s what Aunties bring to families." I feel like we're all potential "aunties" and role models to the younger generation, even if we don't actually have nieces, nephews, godchildren, etc. in our lives (at this particular point in time, anyway). 
• I especially liked #4 on Lisa's list ("Aunties teach kids about life's options"), although the text mostly reflects the childfree by choice. I would add that simply by our presence, those of us who wanted children but didn't get them can show by example that a good life can be possible even if it's not the life you originally wanted or assumed you would have or that all of your friends have. Learning to deal with grief, loss and life's disappointments and roll with the punches is hard, but it's a something we'll all find ourselves doing, one way or another, and we can help model those skills for the younger generation. 
• Sari Botton's Memoirland Substack recently featured a post from Natalie Frenkel, "Friendship and Fertility," about struggling to conceive, and the effect it had on her relationships with friends who could (what Jody Day has called "the friendship apocalypse of childlessness"). There's a lot here that's familiar!  
• Trigger warning:  The essay is illustrated with a photo of two women, one of them with her hand on a pregnant belly (!).
• This one popped up on my phone as a random Google notification -- about pronatalism and families, "legacy," living your own life on your own terms. It starts with a great personal story about living well being the best revenge (lol), and then segues into a more general essay about having a good life without children.  
• The article is mostly from a childfree perspective, but I was happy to see this acknowledgement:  "But for those who wanted kids and couldn’t have them — whether because of money, health, or life throwing curveballs — the emotional load can hit harder."
• Trigger warning:  The thumbnail image has a border around it of cartoonish babies, bottles,soothers, etc.  There is also a photo of a mother with small children.
• A few choice passages: 

But here’s the thing — choosing a child-free life isn’t some shiny new TikTok trend. Aside from the baby boom in the ’50s, history has always had its fair share of people saying, “No thanks” to diapers and playdates.

The big difference now? We’re actually talking about it. From smashing tired stereotypes to questioning what “family” even means, the conversation is louder — and bolder — than ever.

and

...different has a way of making people uncomfortable. Friends and family might need time to adjust — especially if they pictured your life a certain way. But here’s the thing: the person who has to live that life is you.

...At the end of the day, whether you raise kids or not, your life can still be full of love, meaning, and joy — on your own terms.

Sometimes, the most powerful legacy isn’t the one you’re handed — it’s the one you create for yourself.

• Not ALI-related, but this Substack post from Judith Hubbell at "Too Old for This Sh*t" deserves to be widely read and shared. It's one of the best defenses and explanations of feminism that I've read in eons. Bravo!! 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

"Wonderful Adventures of Mrs. Seacole in Many Lands' by Mary Seacole

"Wonderful Adventures of Mrs. Seacole in Many Lands" by Mary Seacole -- the September book for my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club -- was first published in 1857. It was out of print for decades, but was rediscovered and republished in 1984. My Penguin Books edition was published in 2005, edited with an introduction by Sara Salih -- who, I was amused to read, is/was an assistant professor at the University of Toronto! My copy also contained a lot of helpful explanatory footnotes, and an appendix of contemporary news articles about Mrs. Seacole. 

Mrs. Seacole was born Mary Jane Grant in 1805 in Kingston, Jamaica, to a Scottish father and Creole mother. Her marriage was a short one, ending in her husband's death. She later went into business with one of his relatives (a certain "Mr. Day," about whom she doesn't have much to say -- and I would have loved to know more about the exact nature of their relationship...!). 

At a time when women lived rather restricted, sheltered lives, she had a zest for travel and adventure, and was trotting around the globe -- often unescorted -- back and forth from Jamaica to Panama, England and the Crimea (during the Crimean War!), running hotels/dining rooms, stores and other businesses, providing food and drinks and nursing the sick and wounded (on and off the battlefield), and even prospecting for gold. I found the Crimean War chapters particularly interesting -- I don't know a lot about that particular conflict (perhaps British readers would know more than those of us in North America?) -- but I learned, a few years back, that my great-great-grandmother's older brother served there and died in a hospital in Scutari -- perhaps the one run by the famous Florence Nightingale, described here. 

Not all of Mrs. Seacole's adventures were "wonderful," although she tends to put a positive spin on her experiences, and glosses over or omits certain parts of her story altogether.  There is illness and injury, and distressing descriptions of violence and death, including the deaths of children. Some of the conditions she lived in were pretty primitive -- the passage where she describes eating exotic animals during her time in Panama gave me pause...!  And while her business flourished as the war raged on, it collapsed into bankruptcy after the armistice was signed and the soldiers began returning home to Britain. The book appears to have been part of an effort to raise money to support her in her "old age," including a fund set up and donated to by some of the officers she had served. 

The somewhat florid and self-effacing Victorian prose may be a little challenging for some modern readers, although it's not an overly difficult read. The attitudes and language of the day -- racist, colonialist, nationalist, sexist -- are reflected both casually and overtly in Mrs. Seacole's words, attitudes, experiences and memories (particularly in the first part of the book). Be forewarned: the infamous "N word" makes a few appearances. There is some pronatalism too: although she had no children herself, she regarded the soldiers she nursed as her "sons," and many of them referred to her as "Aunty" and "Mother Seacole." Her dislike of the Americans she encounters in Panama is abundantly clear, and she dubs her Jewish Greek guide "Jew Johnny" (!) (although she also calls him "the best and faithfullest servant I had in the Crimea").  

Nevertheless, I enjoyed Mrs. Seacole's obvious zest for life and adventure, and her apparent ability to roll with the punches and deal with whatever challenges life presented her. She was quite an amazing lady, and she's regarded as a national heroine in Jamaica today. It's fascinating to learn more about these unsung/forgotten figures from the past, and I am glad this book was rediscovered for us to learn from and enjoy. 

3.5 stars on StoryGraph. I struggled with the question of whether to round that up or down on Goodreads;  I initially gave it 4 stars there but changed the rating to 3 stars after sleeping on it. ;)  An interesting and entertaining read overall, although not without its flaws. 

This was Book #24 read to date in 2025 (and Book #3 finished in August), bringing me to 53% of  my 2025 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 4 books behind  schedule to meet my goal.  :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2025 tagged as "2025 books." 

#MicroblogMondays: End of summer blues

Maybe it's because it's suddenly the end of summer -- and I feel like we didn't have much of a summer at all. (Like, WTF happened??) Between the heat & humidity, the smoke, and the two weeks at Mom & Dad's, the buildup to the wedding we attended and Katie's day, it's gone by in a blink. (And yes, I know it's technically still summer until mid-September, but you know what I mean...!)  

Maybe it's because August holds a few too many grief and loss reminders:  Katie's day, the recent wedding of her second cousin (the same age as she would have been), the "anniversary" of FIL's death in 2018 (which I wrote about here, here and here)...  

Maybe it's because there was a sudden flood of back-to-school and off-to-college photos from American friends on my social media feeds today, reminding me of the photos that were never taken... (They weren't the first back-to-school photos I've seen -- they started earlier this month -- and they won't be the last -- I expect to keep seeing them through mid-September -- but they were noticeable!) 

Maybe it's because I realized that there are just two weeks left before the kids head back to school here -- and we still haven't gone for gelato yet this summer. :(  Or washed the balcony door/windows. Or done any of a number of other things I've wanted & needed to get done this summer. 

Maybe it's because the hordes of back-to-school shoppers were out in full force when we were at the mall last week, making it far busier than usual -- and I'm debating whether it's worth braving the crowds to go there again this week? 

Maybe it's because I'm reading reports that covid is on the rise again (and we didn't get our boosters this past spring -- the one date they were offered at our family doctor's office didn't work for us, and it looked like I wouldn't have qualified for one anyway, since I'm under 65 (!) and they tightened up the eligibility guidelines... hoping things will be different for the fall...). 

Maybe it's because the on-again-off-again Air Canada flight attendants' strike is continuing (despite the fact that they were ordered back to work), meaning a significant trip this fall to mark our 40th wedding anniversary is becoming less and less likely. 

Maybe it's because Little Great-Nephew #2 is suddenly sprouting teeth (and perhaps consequently, was crankier than his usually smiley self when we saw him recently) -- and his big brother (LGNephew #1) is on the verge of losing his first (!), as he enters first grade at school (!), reminding me of how quickly they're growing, and of the little girl who never got to grow up at all. 

Maybe it's because dh's allergies were acting up in a major way this weekend -- and thus HE was crankier than usual too. 

Maybe it's because the overall state of the world is so dark and crappy right now. (I don't think I need to list all the reasons why I feel this way;  you all probably know.)  What kind of a world are we leaving those adorable little great-niblings? 

Maybe it's because I had a lousy sleep last night -- partly because the joint where my left big toe meets the rest of my foot was sore, giving me flashbacks to when I had gout, four years ago (also in August!). It's not red or hot or swollen, as it was then (yet?), but I've been taking some ibuprofen as a precaution. 

Maybe it's because I was up more than a pound from the previous week (WTAF?!) when I weighed myself last Friday -- and almost 3 pounds from my pre-vacation weight. I'm basically back to where I was in March. :(  Still better than I was when we got the cholesterol lecture from our family doctor last October, and certainly better than my all-time heaviest weight -- but still a setback from the progress I'd been making. 

Maybe it's because I've recently had to back out of a couple of things I had previously committed to, and have been feeling incredibly guilty about it. 

Maybe it's because I'm so far behind on my Goodreads goal, with books I need to read and want to read piling up around me. 

It's been more than 40 years since I had to return to a classroom, but (as you can probably tell by now...!) it feels like I've had a bad case of the end-of-summer blues these past few days. 

On the bright side (because I don't want to be a complete downer here): 

Our 5th annual cottage weekend with BIL & SIL, dh's cousin & his wife (and, this year, another cousin too), is on for late September. :)  Something to look forward to! 

I started looking at places within driving distance where we could take a getaway for a few days in September or October. 

I had a lovely Zoom call with some online friends this weekend. Always a day brightener!  :)  

The extreme heat, humidity and wildfire smoke/poor air quality of the past few weeks seems to have broken:  it's a glorious 21C/23C humidex this afternoon (69F & 73F, respectively) with a nice, slight breeze, and our balcony door has been wide open all day. FINALLY!! 

Dh saw that I was in a blue mood and took me for gelato this afternoon. Wouldn't you know it? Our favourite gelato shop is closed on Mondays. We went to Dairy Queen for Blizzards -- again, lol. We've decided we'll try again for gelato soon -- like, maybe the Tuesday after Labour Day, when all the kids HERE will be heading back to school. ;)  It will be a welcome distraction -- something to look forward to -- (and an excusable reason to drown my sorrows in gelato, lol). 

How are you feeling as the end of summer approaches? 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

More odds & ends

• In a recent Substack post, Jill Filipovic discussed adoption and the still-prevalent (and increasing) existence of maternity homes in the U.S. -- many of them affiliated with the evangelical Christian right -- with journalist T.J. Raphael. Raphael spent two years investigating this subject and has a new podcast called "Liberty Lost," about one such maternity home on the campus of Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University.
• Many of Filipovic's posts are paywalled for subscribers, but this one seems to be public (so far!). 
• Also on Substack, Ali Hall muses on "Why We Need To Abolish the Phrase ‘As a Mother…’" (and absolutely NAILS it!).  (Hear, hear!!) 
• I'm ALREADY seeing back-to-school posts (from the U.S.) in my social media feeds!!  And here in the Toronto area, the CNE/Canadian National Exhibition -- think state fair -- started today and runs through Labout Day -- a sure sign that summer is almost over!  
• On a related note: Dr. Loree Johnson offers some advice on "Coping with Back-to-school When Facing Infertility or Loss."  (Or childlessness!) 
• Sue Fagalde Lick is winding down her Childless by Marriage blog. (It will still be around;  she's just not going to write anything new for it -- but you can still find her writing on Substack as well as her other blogs.)  You don't have to be "childless by marriage" to appreciate her penultimate post, "Your Childless by Marriage Survival Guide," in which she offers tips on navigating some of the most common scenarios facing childless women. 
• At "The Auntie Bulletin," Lisa Sibbett chats with Ragon and Kelly of the Kindred Spirits Book Club podcast about the the role of aunties and alloparents and "found family" in Lucy Maud Montgomery's classic novel "Anne of Green Gables."  As you all know I am a huge, lifelong Montgomery fan, but this discussion still gave me a few new points to think about!  Well done!  

It's always something....

I was already doing a lot of thinking about travelling -- and then (on the same day, in late June) both Jess and Grumpy Rumblings had travel-related posts that really resonated with me.  This post is the result!  (Be forewarned, it's a long one!) 

All my life, I've dreamed about travelling to places I've only read about or seen on the movies or TV. My ancestral homelands of England, Scotland, Ireland and Sweden rank high on the wish list. So does Italy -- besides being married to an Italian, I've been fascinated by Pompeii ever since I read a story about a boy and his dog and the volcano, as a schoolkid. And other places, especially in Europe. (Ukraine/Russia too, especially given my Ukrainian heritage -- but that was not an option for the first 30 years or so of my life, given the Cold War -- and I fear that window of opportunity has closed again...)   

My family took a few big roadtrips when I was growing up (including a particularly memorable one when I was 14, to the west coast and back), but most of our vacations were spent staying with my grandparents in Minnesota, or visiting family & friends, or camping with friends.  Europe (or even Disneyland) was beyond our budget. 

These days, we're somewhat more financially well off than my parents were. But when we were both working, vacation time was at a premium, and -- since all of my family is 1000 miles away -- we wound up spending a lot of it with them (and still do). We've made a few trips over the years, with them and (sometimes) just the two of us, mostly within Canada and the northern U.S.  

Once we retired, and our vacation time was unlimited (if not our budget...!), it seemed like it was finally time to spread our wings a little and visit some of those places we'd talked about.  

BUT.  

I know I've written about all this before on this blog, but to recap:  

2015:  Dh got the bright idea to sell our house and move across the city to a condo. Which meant a mad scramble to fix up our house (a little, if not a full-scale reno), get rid of a LOT of stuff, and find a place to live that we could both agree on. That consumed a good part of late 2015/early 2016. 

Summer 2016:  Newly settled into our new condo, we did take a cross-country driving trip, from Toronto to Iowa (via Michigan/northern Indiana/northern Illinois) to attend my family reunion there, and then north via Minneapolis to spend some time with my parents & sister in Manitoba, before heading home again through northern Ontario.  (Look under July and August 2016 for posts from that trip.)  Once we got there, it was full speed ahead to Older Nephew's wedding that fall. 

Spring 2018:  Younger Nephew's wedding -- and FIL's cancer diagnosis. Spending time with him became our priority, and especially dh's.  We didn't even get to Manitoba that summer. FIL died in August. 

January 2020:  My 59th birthday. "Next year," I vowed, "I will spend my birthday on a warm beach somewhere." 

Well, you all know what happened just a few months later...! January 2021 rolled around, and no one was going anywhere, for quite a while... 

Most pandemic restrictions had lifted by the time summer 2022 rolled around -- but I wasn't able to go anywhere (even to Manitoba) then either, because I was dealing with a couple of health issues -- one longstanding, one new -- which culminated in almost-back-to-back surgeries for my eye and my gallbladder in July and August.   

Meanwhile, BIL's health had begun to deteriorate, and rapidly so, starting in late 2022/early 2023. He & SIL needed increasing support, for rides to medical appointments, and (especially) caregiving backup for Little Great-Nephew.  His liver transplant in July 2023 was a success (thank goodness!), but he still wasn't able to do much for quite a while, and so we continued to be on call for support for quite a while. 

I had high hopes that this might be the year we FINALLY got to take that big trip. For one thing, it was our 40th wedding anniversary in July -- what better incentive for a celebratory splurge of a trip, right??  (Not IN July -- too hot, too busy/crowded, almost anywhere we would want to go  -- but maybe September/October?)(Whose bright idea was it to get married in early July anyway??  lol)  

First step:  getting our passports renewed before they expired in May.  That took some doing, but we finally had them in hand by late May.  Meanwhile, I was looking at travel packages and asking friends what they'd recommend, etc. I thought about this a LOT, poking around the Internet, turning the various options over and over in my mind... 

When I brought the subject up earlier this year, in a general way, dh was on board ("yeah, sure, whatever you want...").  And I'm pretty sure I've mentioned it since then a few times too. But when I finally sat him down in early June and asked him to commit to some specifics ("if we're going to do it, we need to get something booked NOW..."), he got this deer-in-the-headlights look on his face -- admitted he hadn't really been thinking about it at all (! -- men, right??) -- and then confessed that he really wasn't keen on international travel right now, with everything happening in the world (our country's deteriorating relationship with the U.S., the security of Europe in flux, the continuing war in Ukraine, what's happening in Gaza...).  Maybe next year? 

I get it.  The world is a scary place right now. But. I'll admit:  I was not happy. I pointed out that I'm 64, he's 68. My knees are already not in great shape. We're not getting any younger...!  If not now, WHEN??  How many more good years do we have??

He did say we could definitely plan a trip for somewhere in Canada this fall.  (I probably don't have to explain why travel to the U.S. is off the table for the foreseeable future...)  We agreed we'd like to return to Nova Scotia (we went there for our 25th anniversary in 2010), spend a little more time there -- and maybe hit P.E.I. this time around while we're at it (a longtime bucket list destination for me)(and maybe a bit of New Brunswick along the way).  And he agreed that we could go somewhere warm this January for my 65th birthday. :)  (I'm thinking the Caribbean.... )

But -- first things first. By the time we had this conversation, it was almost time for us to head to Manitoba. I resolved that planning and booking a fall trip would be a priority when we returned.  (I'm much more confident about planning a trip within Canada, and it's easier to do at short notice too.)

Nothing is booked yet. Why? 

It's been busy since we got back. I did have intentions of booking something this week. 

BUT THEN:  

• Nova Scotia and Newfoundland (another potential destination both of us would really like to visit) are getting hammered right now by forest fires -- including some that are fairly close to the capital cities of Halifax and St. John's. Even if the fires didn't affect where we wanted to go (in terms of roads blocked, etc.), there will likely be lots of smoke to deal with. (Lots of other fires burning in other areas of Canada right now too, sadly...) 
• AND NOW -- Air Canada flight attendants are going on strike!!!  The airline is already starting to cancel flights. They expect to be completely grounded by the weekend. There IS WestJet (we only have two major Canadian national airlines -- which is part of why it's so damned expensive to travel within this country) -- but they will quickly be swamped, I'm sure. I have a great deal of sympathy for the flight attendants' grievances -- but...!  (Needless to say, I'm very glad our trip to Manitoba was in July...!) 

To quote the late great (also childless) Gilda Radner, "It's always something...!"  

Of course, the strike could be over quickly (especially if they go to binding arbitration, which is highly likely) -- and the fires could be brought under control by the time we want to go anywhere. Who knows??  But there are still a lot of unknowns to deal with right now. 

I'm sure some of you are reading this and thinking "Excuses, excuses... just go for it!"  To be honest, while I like the IDEA of travel -- and I almost always love it when we get wherever we're going -- I have a lot of anxiety when it comes to the process of getting there. I do kind of enjoy the research -- but actually making decisions, making all the necessary arrangements -- I get quite uptight sometimes.  I don't have a lot of anxiety about flying itself (although I've never had to fly anywhere for more than 5 hours -- to Seattle -- and most of that was over land, not an ocean! -- so that could change, depending on the destination...!) -- but I do get VERY anxious when going online and booking something. It's a lot of money at stake (even just to fly from Toronto to Winnipeg), and I feel like there are so many little decisions have you make along the way through the booking process -- and so many opportunities to screw up, lol.  

(I used to have a great travel agent -- I told her what we wanted and the dates, and she came back with some choices and took care of everything for me.  But once I lost my job, the travel agency fee seemed like one expense we could do without -- plus by then, everyone was booking their own travel online -- especially for simple travel, which is what we usually did and do -- Toronto-Winnipeg direct -- no transfers involved -- easy-peasy. But the idea of booking a flight to Europe -- and then planning and coordinating an itinerary, making reservations at hotels and B&Bs, sight unseen, etc. -- seems pretty daunting. Which is why I was thinking a tour might be the way to go, particularly for a first trip there.)  

One other reason I've been procrastinating:  I was hoping we'd hear from dh's cousins about a cottage weekend, if there's going to be one, so we could plan around that. We've gone there with BIL & SIL every September for the past four years, and really enjoyed it -- and we've usually had an invitation or at least a "save the date" email by now. I know it's been a busy summer for them too, though, for a number of reasons, and I am hesitant to reach out to them (even though there are other reasons I would like to do so), because I don't want to make it seem like I'm hinting/angling for an invitation...!  But I feel like the minute I book anything, they'll ask us, you know?? 

Anyway -- I'm wondering if maybe I should downscale my expectations (again...!) and maybe just suggest to dh that we do a road trip to Ottawa (about 4-5 hours away). (We were there with BIL & SIL in early October 2017.) There's lots to see and do there, and I've been dying to get back there, just the two of us, and do a little ancestor hunting in the area. :)  It would be easy enough to cancel/change a hotel reservation if something else came up in the meantime (much easier than cancelling or rebooking flights...!). 

Montreal would also be do-able -- together with Ottawa (it's only about 2 hours away from there) or on its own. I was there overnight on business, 30-ish years ago, but didn't really get to see much of the city then. 

We could also go to Niagara-on-the-Lake for a few days -- we haven't been there since our anniversary in 2017, and it's always such a great place to get away. The Shaw Festival offers great theatre all summer/fall long, and also runs a couple of Christmas-themed theatre productions in November & December -- A Christmas Carol and White Christmas.  That might be a fun way to get into the holiday spirit. :) 

I'm sure all these places are busier this year than usual, because so many people are staying at home/travelling within Canada right now -- but hopefully it would be a little less busy in the fall once kids go back to school, etc.  

Sigh... decisions, decisions....!  

If you've read this far, thank you!  (I do some of my best thinking on paper/screen, lol.)

"Drive Your Plow Over the Bones of the Dead" by Olga Tokarczuk

The August choice for my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club is "Drive Your Plow Over the Bones of the Dead" -- a somewhat quirky/offbeat noir-ish mystery/thriller by Olga Tokarczuk (translated from the original Polish by Antonia Lloyd-Jones), first published in 2009. 

Janina Duszejko leads a reclusive life in a remote corner of Poland near the Czech border, eking out a living by taking care of the summer cottages in the area during the winter months for their wealthy owners in the city, and teaching English one day a week to the local students. She also studies astrology and plots out horoscopes for the people around her, and is helping a former student translate the works of William Blake into Polish. And she's a passionate advocate for vegetarianism, animals and nature. The locals regard her as a bit of a crank, and she's a thorn in the side of the local hunting community.  

Then one of Janina's neighbours dies under mysterious circumstances -- and then another, and another. Janina has her own theories about who (or rather what) dunnit -- but can she get anyone to listen to her?   

I'll be honest, I didn't quite know what to make of this book or how to rate it -- although there was a lot I liked about it.  The writing/translation was vivid and evocative. The setting seemed oddly familiar to me (as a Ukrainian-Canadian who grew up in isolated rural areas with seasonal cottages and harsh winters, often near the U.S.-Canada border -- minus the mountains, lol).  And I liked that Janina is a strong, independent, older female character -- although she's rather prickly and might be "difficult" to have around as a neighbour...!  (Even so, it was maddening to see the patronizing way she was treated by the local authorities.)  People address her as "Mrs. Duszejko" but there's no mention of a a husband. She does talk about her "Little Girls" throughout the book -- and it took me a while to realize she was referring to her dogs, not children (there's the pronatalist influence for you...!)(although we do specifically choose books for the club where motherhood/children are not a focus). 

As an English major at university, I took a course on the Romantic poets, where I remember studying some William Blake -- although I remember very little about it. I did find Janina's random capitalization of certain words (somewhat like a certain U.S. President, unfortunately...!) rather annoying. And while I respect Janina's concern for animal rights and her revulsion for hunters and hunting -- and share some of those feelings, to a point -- I did find her views on the extreme side.  (I grew up in areas where hunting was common -- several of my uncles hunted, although my dad never did -- but I will admit I could not and cannot relate to their enthusiasm for it at all, and being around guns, even when they're hanging on a rack on the wall, makes me extremely nervous.) 

3.5 stars on StoryGraph, rounded up to 4 stars (after some internal debate...!)  on Goodreads. 

This was Book #23 read to date in 2025 (and Book #2 finished in August), bringing me to 51% of  my 2025 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 4 books behind  schedule to meet my goal.  :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2025 tagged as "2025 books." 

Odds & ends

• I spotted my first back-to-school post on social media yesterday, from someone in the U.S. It's only mid-August...!  I expect to be bracing myself against the onslaught for the next full month... sigh... 
• Dh & I went to the mall this morning. The temperature around noon was 29C, humidex reading 39C (it's currently 33C & 42C) -- the mall was busy (some of them back to school shoppers, I assume) -- it was very clammy/humid inside there too (despite the a/c) -- and I saw a rack of WINTER COATS on display in one of the women's wear stores!! I mean, seriously?? 
• Carrie Hauskens of Blooming With Care was a guest on NBC's high-profile Today morning show with Jenna Bush Hager (the former president's daughter) and Tyra Banks on Aug. 1st -- International Childfree Day.  She & her husband resolved to live without children after infertility and the stillbirth of their daughter Clementine. What a platform!!  I especially appreciated Tyra Banks's thoughtful comments -- she actually "got it" -- you can almost see the light bulb going off over her head. ;)  You can watch her segment -- a full 9 minutes! -- here. 
• Jody Day of Gateway Women was interviewed in an article for the Associated Press that was published in a number of major U.S. newspapers, including the Washington Post and Seattle Times, as well as online news sites -- about  "Why the search for meaning can cause ‘purpose anxiety,’ and what to do about it."  (I'm not sure I've heard the term "purpose anxiety" before, but I certainly believe it exists!) 
• Says Jody:  "Even after 14 years of my work being widely discussed across the world, this is the first time I've been in the mainstream US press!"  IT'S ABOUT TIME!! -- Congratulations!   
• On a similar note, Katie Couric Media recently shared a personal essay:  "This Isn’t the Midlife I Imagined — Here’s How I Pivoted at 55."  The author pursued parenthood until she was 54 (!) -- and realized, after spending time with a friend's teenager, that it was time to pursue new dreams. Still, she struggled with the question of "what now?"  She concludes: 

This version of midlife is different from the one I expected; it’s more trial and error, more exploration and unknowns, but I’m learning to live it fully — and I’m uncovering interests and dreams I never knew existed as I go. I’m excited to see what awaits. I’m no longer chasing the life I thought I was supposed to have; I’m focusing on the one I have right now.

• This was an interesting article in the New York Times recently, about a co-housing community of aging women living in "tiny houses" in Texas.  **NOTE:  Not everyone in the community is childless.**  Nevertheless, it's interesting to read about how one group has structured such a community and is making it work!  (Gift link attached.) 
• The love of my life -- when I was 15 years old, lol -- Stuart "Woody" Wood of the 1970s band Bay City Rollers (whose memoir I recently read and reviewed), and the current band lineup (he's the sole remaining member of the classic 1970s lineup) -- played a concert at the Highland Games in Fergus, Ontario, about 1.5 hours from here/Toronto, on Saturday night (while I was otherwise engaged, attending a family wedding -- not that dh would have been keen to take me to a BCR concert anyway!  lol).  
• On Sunday afternoon, they posted photos & videos on their social media of Woody and the other band members out & about in downtown Toronto -- including Nathan Phillips Square, scene of a hysterical mob of some 55,000 screaming teenaged girls, on a hot summer day in June 1976. (A photo from that day appears on the inside cover of their "Dedication" album -- unfortunately, while I could find photos of the album cover, the inside cover photo remains elusive! but there are other photos from the day available on Google.)  
• Needless to say, almost 50 (!) years later, it was quite a different scene -- the square was almost completely empty -- and I posted a comment to that effect on the video. And Woody actually responded to my post!!  Teenaged me was THRILLED!!  (lol)  (Okay, 60-something me was pretty tickled too!  lol)  See the screenshot below (with a few redactions). 
  
  
  
  

#MicroblogMondays: Mixed feelings at the wedding

Saturday was dh's cousin's son's wedding -- which I've mentioned in several previous anticipatory posts in recent months/weeks. As a recap/reminder:  He's 27, exactly the same age our Katie would have been (he was born in April; Katie was due in November;  my pregnancy overlapped briefly with his mom's; I was newly pregnant and "out" about it at her baby shower). The bride is, I think, a couple of years younger than him -- but still around the same age generally as Katie would have been. 

Needless to say, while I always enjoy a wedding, and while I was happy for this lovely young couple, and while I was looking forward to getting dressed up and seeing dh's cousins (always a fun bunch to hang out with), I had some very mixed feelings as the day approached. (Especially since the day was so close to Katie's delivery "anniversary,"  a few days earlier!)  

Overall, it was a reasonably good day.  I wouldn't want to have to get dressed up and wear makeup every day, but it's fun to do it once in a while.  :)  For those of you following my dress choice dilemma (lol) -- last referred to in my previous post -- I had just about made up my mind to wear the elegant navy dress I'd bought. But knowing the weather forecast -- for another very hot, humid day (humidex around 40C/104F) --  I changed my mind the night before and wore the (lighter weight, but somewhat less formal) floral print dress instead. Even though the hall was air conditioned, there were about 200 people there, and it was still a bit stuffy -- so I think I made the right decision!  (And hopefully I'll get a chance to wear the other dress another time soon!)   

The venue was kind of unusual -- but it was beautifully set up. It was not a traditional banquet hall, but an "event space," carved out of a commercial unit in a block of similar buildings built in the 1960s or 1970s in midtown Toronto  It had obviously been gutted and slightly renovated, but was essentially one big empty minimalist space. Clever use was made of floor-to-ceiling white tulle curtains to cover up some of the outer walls and carve it into separate spaces for the entrance/cocktails, ceremony (later the dance floor) & dining areas. The food was very good, the servers were obviously well briefed, bringing a tomato-free pasta course for me (and gluten-free for one of dh's cousins).  There were little cards on the table (along with the place cards showing our names) indicating who was getting chicken or salmon vs beef.  The flowers were absolutely gorgeous and must have cost a small fortune (see the photo below). We didn't drink a whole lot -- dh was driving -- but he did one shot at the bar with his male cousins, and I did likewise with SIL & the other women, and there was plenty of wine at the dinner table.

But obviously, there were a few "ouch!" moments.  As the bride (looking lovely, of course, in a stunning white lace dress) made her way up the aisle, solo (met halfway up by her mother, who accompanied her the rest of the way), I grabbed dh's hand & squeezed it tightly. Her father is not part of her life (not sure why -- not really our business anyway...), and she's an only child -- so instead of the traditional father-daughter dance, they had a mother-daughter dance (!). It was an up-tempo number, and actually kind of cute/touching to watch -- but again, mixed feelings, as you might imagine. Our table was in a far corner of the room -- no nearby exits -- and there were enough other tables close by to make it difficult for me to just get up & leave. So I stayed seated -- but when they invited ALL the moms & daughters to join them on the dance floor (!) -- I took advantage of the surge in people getting up and leaving tables, quietly told dh I was going to visit the powder room -- and did. And lingered just a little longer until I could hear the music change! ;) 

The mother-son dance was also a little hard to watch. A couple of dh's cousins that we were sitting with encouraged me to get up and take some photos -- because I almost always do. "Oh, Cousin X (sitting closer to the dance floor) is in a much better spot to take photos than I am," I said. And thankfully, no one raised an eyebrow or pursued the matter further. 

There were also some literal "ouch!" moments -- my feet (in new sandals, with a chunky 1-inch heel) were KILLING me, lol.  There was, as I already mentioned, the heat & humidity. And the music was so loud, you could barely hear yourself think, let alone converse with your tablemates. :p  It really wears on you after a while!  

We left early, before 11:30 (although we were not the first to do so, by far). (Am I getting old or what??)  By the time we dropped off BIL & SIL, got home, took off my makeup, put on my nightgown and wound down a bit, it was 1:30 AM. Neither of us had a great sleep.  So Sunday was a VERY lazy day!  Dh spent most of it napping on the couch and we did the bare minimum required in terms of making lunch & dinner for ourselves. 

Maybe it's a good thing the next family wedding is not for another year...??  ;)  

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

The beautiful floral centrepiece at our table.
Each table had one, and those on the tables for the immediate families/bridal party/head table
were even more elaborate. (We left early, so I don't know if they gave them away to the guests!) 

27

As it often has in recent years, today kind of snuck up on me. (Maybe that's for the best?)  Some years are better or worse than others, and fortunately, this was one of the better ones. 

The one jarring note was when we got to the cemetery this morning:  there were two women sitting on a bench a few feet away from the columbarium where Katie's niche is, talking up a storm -- and they did NOT get up & move or even lower their voices while we were there! 🙄  Kind of rude, we thought. We might have stayed longer if they hadn't been around, but we did stay a few minutes, took some photos and left some flowers.  

Then -- much as we did last year -- we went to a favourite nearby cafe for lunch, and then to the local bookstore for a Starbucks and a browse. Then to Dairy Queen for Blizzards (tradition!)  and to pick up a few groceries before heading home again. 

This weekend, we're going to a wedding for dh's cousin's son -- who is exactly six months older than Katie would have been, had she been born on schedule, alive, in November. We've been to a few other cousins' (older) kids' weddings, but this will be the first one for one of her peers. Not sure how I'm going to feel about this...!  but I guess I'm going to find out...!  (and I will be wearing one of those two kick-ass dresses that I bought a little while back! -- this one or this one!) (I'm leaning towards one, but am not telling anyone yet which one, in case I change my mind! lol)

Wish me luck!  

DQ Blizzards -- an Aug. 7th tradition. :)  
(Oreo for him, Skor for me.  :)  ) 

"The Two Mrs. Abbotts" by D.E. Stevenson (re-read)

After recently (re)reading two early D.E. Stevenson novels with my DES fan group -- "Miss Buncle's Book" and "Miss Buncle Married" (most recent reviews here and here, respectively) -- it was only natural that we should segue into the third novel of the Miss Buncle trilogy for our next read: The Two Mrs. Abbotts (TTMA -- first published in 1943). As usual, I read through the book (most of it, anyway!) in advance of our group's chapter-by-chapter reading & discussion, which began Aug. 4th. 

There was a LOT I'd forgotten about this book in the 10 years since I originally read it, not long after I joined the group in 2014 (a story told in this post from 2015). (My original 2015 review of TTMA here). 

"The Two Mrs. Abbotts" takes place about seven years after the events of "Miss Buncle Married," which ended with King George V's Silver Jubilee celebrations in 1935 -- during which (**MILD SPOILER/ALI /CNBC TRIGGER ALERT!**) Barbara announces she's going to have a baby. 

It's seven years later, Britain is at war, and Barbara is now the mother of two small children -- Simon (whom I remembered) and Fay (whom I did not!) -- and her own childhood nanny turned housekeeper, Dorcas, now looks after them. A visit from her old friend from Silverstream, Sarah Walker, the doctor's wife, whom we first met in "Miss Buncle's Book," is a particular delight. 

Much of this book, however, focuses on the "other" Mrs. Abbott -- Barbara's niece-by-marriage Jeronina "Jerry" Cobbe Abbott, whose husband (Arthur Abbott's nephew) Sam is fighting in Egypt -- and her brother, Archie, who inherited the Chevis Place estate from his elderly aunt at the conclusion of the last book. In Sam's absence, with the help of her loyal former governess Miss Marks (Markie), Jerry has turned her home, Ganthorne Lodge, into a place where locally stationed soldiers can hang out. She's also rented a cottage on her property to the commander, Colonel Melton, and his daughter, Melanie (yes -- Melanie Melton!  lol) and trying to matchmake Melanie with Archie.  She also takes in a mysterious paid guest, Miss Jane Watt; as well as Elmie, a runaway girl from the city who previously spent time at Ganthorne as an evacuee. 

I remembered Jerry returned in this book (it IS called "The Two Mrs. Abbotts," after all..!), but not how prominently her brother Archie figures in the plot. And while the character of romance novelist Janetta Walters is somewhat infamous among DESsies (DES fans), and makes recurring appearances/mentions in several of her other books, I'd forgotten that she plays such a prominent role in the plot here.  

Overall, the book provides a fascinating contemporary glimpse into home life in wartime Britain, with descriptions of Red Cross speakers and charity bazaars, evacuees, billets, blackout curtains, shortages and rationing (which leads to some interesting culinary experiments) -- and even rumours of German spies lurking in the nearby woods. I will admit I found Markie's obsession with cephalism (the study of people's heads or skulls), a little bizarre -- but apparently it was a "thing" back in the day...! -- and Markie is a gem (and possibly the true star of the book!).    

I was not on Goodreads when I first read this book in 2015, but I logged it retroactively and assigned it a 4-star rating. This time around, I'm giving it 3.5 stars on StoryGraph, rounded up to 4 stars (after some thought) on Goodreads. 

I'll count this as a(nother) re-read when our group finishes its discussion in mid-October. 

Previous DES-related posts and reviews  here. 

This was Book #22 read to date in 2025 (and Book #1 finished in August), bringing me to 49% of  my 2025 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 4 books behind  schedule to meet my goal.  :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2025 tagged as "2025 books." 

Right now

Right now...* 

*(A (mostly) monthly series/meme.  Explanation of how this started & my inspirations in my first "Right now" post, here. Also my first (similar) "The Current" post, here.)

July was a blur! -- including our 40th (!) wedding anniversary and two weeks in Manitoba with my family.  (How is it August already?) 

This month, we: 

• Went to the bookstore for a browse and to buy some birthday cards (July 3rd). 
• Drove to our old community on July 4th for a cemetery visit with Katie, haircuts, food court lunch, walking & shopping at the mall. 
• I enjoyed a few hours of rare "me alone at home" time later that evening when dh (along with BIL, the nephews, and their cousins/cousins' kids on their mom's side of the family) attended a stag/bachelor party dinner for their cousin's son (27, same age as Katie would have been), who's getting married in August.  
• Celebrated our 40th (!!) wedding anniversary on July 6th by going out for a very nice dinner -- and then coming home to watch "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" on TV (and laughed ourselves silly, lol).  
• Went to the local mall to walk & shop (July 8th & 29th). 
• Took a few bags full of books & clothes to the thrift store (July 9th). 
• Went to the nail salon for a pedicure (July 10th). 
• Travelled west to spend two weeks (July 12th-27th) with my parents & sister. While there we: 
• Made multiple trips to the local grocery store. Dh & I certainly indulged in treats while we were there (as the scale will attest...!), but we also stocked up on some of our usual, relatively healthy snacks -- sparkling water (instead of pop), pretzels and Greek yogurt.  
• Had cheeseburgers, fries and ice cream at the very popular local drive-in (twice), which has been operating for more than 60 (!) years (albeit it was sold by the family who originally owned it a few years back). 
• (I) Had lunch at a local restaurant with a friend who drove out from the city for a visit. 
• Did a LOT of waiting around for my mother, who notoriously marches to her own drummer/schedule -- sleeps half the day and prowls around most of the night. :p  Most mornings, she was not out of bed before noon (albeit she would sometimes spend part of that time reading her phone/tablet in bed). (If she did get up before noon, more often than not, she would head back to bed after being up for a half hour or so).
• Played cards every single night we were there, as well as a few games of dominos. My dad LOVES both!  (Dh not so much, lol, but he still played.) 
• Were royally entertained by visits from Little Princess #3 (and her mom, PND). 
• Celebrated my dad's 86th birthday, and my parents' 65th wedding anniversary, with cake & coffee with PND & family and a few of the neighbours in my parents' garage. (It would have been the back yard, but it looked like rain.)  
• We offered to take my parents out for dinner on both occasions, but the most they felt like doing was takeout hamburgers & fries from the local drive-in (!). (See above.) 
• Kept the windows closed, more often than not, because of the poor air quality caused by smoke from the forest fires several hundred miles north.  :(  My sister bought air purifiers for herself & our parents, and I chipped in for half of Mom & Dad's.  Sad to see the normally gloriously blue, sunny sky a dull, overcast grey.  :(  
• Went grocery shopping the morning after our return (July 28th), and restocked our rather bare refrigerator & cupboards. ;)  
• Picked up a prescription at the drugstore (July 29th) and then another prescription the next day! (July 30th) . 
• Had my upper lip waxed and brows (or what remains of them, anyway...!)(the left one in particular is pretty sparse...) shaped and tinted at a local Sephora, in advance of dh's cousin's son's upcoming wedding. (July 30th) 

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Also right now:  

Reading: I finished just 1 book in July (all reviewed on this blog, as well as Goodreads & StoryGraph, & tagged "2025 books"). (Too many distractions while at my parents'!):  

• "Miss Buncle Married" by D.E. Stevenson, for my D.E. Stevenson group. (Original 2015 review here;  April 2025 review here;  most recent review here). 

This brings me to 21 books read in 2025 to date, 47% of my 2025 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 5 (! -- sigh...) books behind pace to meet my goal.  :) 

Current reads: 

• The Two Mrs. Abbotts by D.E. Stevenson. (Re-)Reading this one in advance of my D.E. Stevenson group's chapter-by-chapter reading & discussion, which starts Aug. 4th and runs through mid-October. (My original 2015 review here). Currently 12% completed 
• "Childless: A Woman and a Girl in a Man's World" by Fabiana Formica.  This one is beautifully written, but slow going, and I was reading it (or trying to...!) at Mom & Dad's, where there were a lot of distractions. I've put it aside for the moment to focus on other reading priorities, but I've completed 33% to date.
• "A Place of Greater Safety" by Hilary Mantel, the current slow read with Footnotes and Tangents, which began May 5th and runs for 20 weeks (until Sept. 15th). Currently 59% completed. 
• "L.M. Montgomery and Gender," an essay collection edited by E. Holly Pike & Laura Robinson. Slowly working my way through, in between the other books...! 

Did not finish: 

• "Living the Life Unexpected" by Jody Day. My online discussion group recently finished its year-long, chapter-by-chapter read of this CNBC classic -- the 5th (!) time I've read it (or tried to read it), or the earlier version of it ("Rocking the Life Unexpected").  This time around, however, I only managed to attend about half the meetings (and read the corresponding chapters). I'm choosing to mark this as "did not finish" this time around, and will start fresh if/when the group restarts and I join in the discussions again.  
• "DNF"  should not cast any doubt on whether this is a worthwhile read, because it is!  and the fact that I've previously read this book multiple times all the way through (plus parts of it at other times) should vouch for that.  :) 
• Most recent review, with links to earlier reviews, here.

Coming up: Most of my book groups have their next reads plotted out for a few months in advance -- and listing them here helps me keep track of what I should be reading next. ;)  

• For my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club:  
• "Drive Your Plow (Over the Bones of the Dead)" by Olga Tokarczuk.(August). 
• "The Wonderful Adventures of Mrs. Seacole in Many Lands" by Mary Seacole. (September) 
• "The Secrets of Blythswood Square" by Sara Sheridan. (October) 
• For my D.E. Stevenson group:  This list of upcoming books should keep us busy through 2025 or even into early 2026!  (A couple of the books are ones we covered shortly after I first joined the group back in 2014 -- you know you've been around for a while when....!)  
• Crooked Adam. (I have never read this one, and we've never tackled it during my 11 years with the group! so I'm looking forward to it!)  
• The Four Graces (original 2015 review here). 

• Footnotes and Tangents slow readalongs planned for 2025 include:
• "Things Fall Apart" by Chinua Achebe -- starts Sept. 29th, for 5 weeks. 
• "The Blue Flower" by Penelope Fitzgerald -- starts Nov. 3rd, for 7 weeks. 

(Simon is a big fan of the late great Hilary Mantel, and the other books he's selected were all ones that she loved, so he figured they would probably be worth reading!) 

A few recently purchased titles (all in digital format, mostly discounted ($5-10 or less) or purchased with points): 

• "The Resilience Myth" by Soraya Chemaly 
• "Marble Hall Murders" by Anthony Horowitz 
• "The Life Cycle of the Common Octopus" by Emma Knight 
• "The Summer of Naked Swim Parties" by Jessica Anya Blau 
• (This is one of those books that I just HAD to buy because of the title...!  lol) 
• "Dare I Say It" by Naomi Watts 
• "Uptown Girl" by Christie Brinkley 
• "That Librarian" by Amanda Jones

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Watching: 

• "Coronation Girls" on PBS on Canada Day -- a documentary about a group of 50 Canadian teenaged girls, who were chosen by Canadian businessman Garfield Weston to attend Queen Elizabeth II's coronation in London in June 1953 -- how their lives have unfolded since then, and the return trip that 12 of them -- now in their late 80s! -- made to England 70 years later, in December 2023 (including a special surprise visitor to a tea party!).  Just wonderful, and reminded me a little of my own life-changing trip to Ottawa when I was in Grade 12.  
• "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" on TCM on July 6th (our 40th wedding anniversary). I've seen this one several times since I was a teenager, albeit not recently, and it was so much fun. We laughed ourselves silly. ("Life of Brian," which I saw when it first came out in 1979, was on after that, but I couldn't stay awake until the end. And I think "Holy Grail" is the much better and funnier movie anyway!) 
• The LiveAid 40th anniversary documentary series on CNN, which is bringing back a lot of great memories! (Final episode airing on Sunday night!) 

Playing:  

• Heardle Decades: Stats as of July 31st:  
• Heardle 60s: 74.7% (743/995, 295 on first guess), down 0.5% from last month. Max. streak: 15.
• Heardle 70s: 77.8% (571/734, 322 on first guess), up 0.2% from last month. Max. streak: 18. 
• Heardle 80s: 40.0% (241/602, 88 on first guess), up 0.6% from last month. Max. streak: 5.
• Heardle 90s: 31.7% (223/703, 54 on first guess), up 0.3% from last month. Max. streak: 5. 
• NYT Connections:  
•  By June 30th, I'd completed 337 games and won 85% of them, including 172 "perfect puzzles" with zero errors, including 8 where I got the most difficult/purple category first.  And I increased my maximum winning streak to 45!  :)   (Current streak at 2!)  
• By July 31st, I'd played 368 games and won 86% of them, including 189 "perfect puzzles," including 8 where I got the most difficult/purple category first (unchanged from last month).  Maximum winning steak:  45.  Current streak: 7. 

Following:  

• I recently started following Canadian Returnee on Substack (who also posts from the American perspective as American Refugee). They hold dual Canadian/American citizenship and recently returned to Canada from living abroad (in Hong Kong, and possibly elsewhere). I appreciate the broad, thoughtful perspective they bring to our current cross-border issues.  

Eating/Drinking:  

• As I've mentioned before, we achieved our goal of lowering our cholesterol levels in late January, after less-than-stellar bloodwork last fall earned us both serious chats with our family doctor -- and we've been trying to maintain/improve on those numbers (and lose/keep off some extra pounds) since then, by continuing to eat healthier and move at least a little more.    
• This goal took a bit of a hit this month (big anniversary dinner out, travelling, two weeks at my parents' house)(my dad never met a pound of butter he didn't love, lol) -- and I guess that was to be expected. (And how often do I get "home" to see my parents -- or to celebrate my wedding anniversary -- and a "milestone" one at that??) 
• We weighed ourselves the morning after we got home (not recommended...!), and again this morning (Friday = our usual weigh-in day), with better results. I ended the month 1 pound heavier than when it began -- which is not too bad, all things considered...!  Overall, I've lost about 12 pounds since our chat with the doctor last October (dh has lost more than 20), and almost 24 pounds from my heaviest-ever weight a few years ago. 
• Steaks and sides at the local Keg (Canadian steakhouse chain) on our 40th wedding anniversary -- including a slice of their famous Billy Miner Pie for dessert (described in this post). (The portions are HUGE, but we ordered one and asked for two spoons, lol.) 
• Homecooked (by my dad) meals at my parents' house included waffles for brunch, pickerel, pork tenderloin, and new potatos, carrots and yellow wax beans from the local farmers' market. 
• Chicken caesar wrap with fries for lunch with an old friend, at a local bistro in my parents' town.  
• Great cheeseburgers, fries and soft-serve ice cream at the local drive-in in my parents' town (which has been there for more than 60 years!). 
• Breakfast sandwiches at Tim Hortons at the Toronto and Winnipeg airports (egg, cheese and sausage on an English muffin). 
• Other notable recent takeout meals include soup & pizza slices from the local supermarket takeout counter, and wood oven thin crust pizza. 

Wearing:  Shorts or capris, and short-sleeved T-shirts and tank tops.  :)  Also, I wore sundresses for both our wedding anniversary dinner out and my dad's birthday party.   

Buying (besides books, lol): 

• Canadian products (or from Canadian companies), as much as possible ;) -- albeit I will admit I'm not as much of a purist as some people seem to be...!    
• New dress shirt for dh (to wear to his cousin's son's wedding -- all his old dress shirts were yellowed around the cuffs and collars!).  
• A couple of new tops from Reitmans. 
• A few things for the great-niblings (on sale), as well as a couple of tops for me, at Old Navy. 

Wondering:  What happened to July?? 

And: Which of the two dresses I bought should I wear to the upcoming wedding??  (I STILL haven't made up my mind...!  Decisions, decisions...) 

Prioritizing:  Trying to get through my daily to-do list (even if everything on it doesn't get done) before starting other projects. 

Trying:  Not to fret if I don't get through my inbox ever day. And to pare down my inbox and delete old/unread messages on a more regular/frequent schedule! 

Anticipating: Seeing the nephews and their families this weekend at BIL's!  Also, seeing some of dh's cousins at his cousin's son's wedding, coming up soon.  

And: Spending some time remembering our Katie on her special day, also coming up soon. 

Noticing/Enjoying:  Clean windows!  The window washers hadn't reached our side of the building before we left to see my parents. We still have to do the balcony doors ourselves, but the other two windows look great! (They DO make a difference!)  

Wanting: To get to the gelato shop, sooner vs later...!  (Haven't been yet this summer!)    

Appreciating:  Sleeping in my own bed again!  lol  

Loving:  Spending time with my parents -- but also loving coming home again! 

Hoping: August is not as hot and humid as July was...! (But I won't hold my breath...!)  

                              

Feeling: Grateful to be able to spend time with my parents (even when they're driving me nuts...!).  (Nevertheless...!:)  Glad to be home again.  Aware of quickly the year is speeding by (and how many things I want and need to be done that still need doing...!).