"The Wedding People" by Alison Espach

I first heard about "The Wedding People" by Alison Espach from Modern Mrs. Darcy, who highlighted it in her summer 2024 book preview last year. Since then, several people (both inside & outside the CNBC/blogging world) have recommended it (including Mel and Jess -- the link goes to her review), and Jenna Bush Hager chose it for her Read With Jenna Book Club) (August 2024 pick).  When I recently found myself (finally!) clear of book club priorities (for the time being, anyway...!), it was the first book I reached for in my "priority TBR" pile.

Even so, I approached it with some trepidation. For one thing, even when people whose opinions I respect tell me they've enjoyed a book, I'm always just a little afraid that maybe I won't. I also was a little leery because while I've heard some reviews describe this book as "chick lit,"  I knew it touches on a serious topic that one wouldn't normally associate with that genre.  

Phoebe Stone arrives at the Cornwall Inn, a swanky, scenic hotel in Newport, Rhode Island, without luggage, wearing a green dress and gold high heels. Within the first few pages, we learn why she's there. **CONTENT WARNING & SPOILER ALERT:** She's flown there from across the country on an impulse, intending to enjoy an evening in a place she's always longed to visit -- before she commits suicide. Her life is a mess:  her marriage has fallen apart; her husband left her for someone she thought was a friend (a colleague AND a mother to boot!), following repeated (unsuccessful) rounds of IVF, a miscarriage and the prospect of permanent childlessness -- not to mention the death of her beloved cat and general career burnout.   

However, Phoebe soon discovers the entire inn -- aside from her suite -- has been booked for a week-long wedding celebration. In short order, she unexpectedly becomes the unlikely confidante of the chatty young bride (Bridezilla??), Lila (who is horrified when she learns of Phoebe's plans -- not so much by the thought that Phoebe wants to kill herself, mind you, but that doing so will ruin the vibes of her carefully planned wedding week!!).  And she finds herself drawn further and further into the lives of "the wedding people." 

Obviously, there's some serious stuff covered here, and the book touches on a lot of sensitive themes/realities that the many of us -- especially in the CNBC community -- will relate to. There are some sharp observations about marriage and weddings, about grief and loss, about friendships and how they change over time.  

At the same time, it's also a fast and often very funny read.  I'd go from literally laughing out loud (dh will confirm!  lol)  to reaching for tissues a few pages later.  I don't know anything about Alison Espach and her life -- but she gets us.    

(As often happens...!)  I struggled a bit with how to rate this one. There was something a bit Hallmark-movie-ish about it (and I wouldn't be surprised to see an eventual movie adaptation). And there were a few plot twists that I really should have seen coming (maybe?) -- but I liked that I didn't, lol.  

But overall, I loved it. :)  I loved having such a great CNBC heroine at the centre of the story, I loved the fantasy/wish fulfillment  elements (the lavish wedding in a spectacular setting, etc. -- and really, who hasn't secretly dreamed of just chucking everything and running off to a luxury hotel?)(albeit hopefully not with suicidal intentions...!). And I loved that the ending retained just a bit of ambiguity as to what will happen next. 

5 stars was very tempting. I settled on 4.5 stars on StoryGraph, rounded down to 4 on Goodreads.  

I'll be recommending this one for our Childless Collective Nomo Book Club.  

This was Book #7 read to date in 2025 (and Book #4 finished in February), bringing me to 16% of my 2025 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) on track to meet my goal.  :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2025 tagged as "2025 books." 

#MicroblogMondays: She'll be missed :(

When you've been around the blogging community as long as I have, sadly, inevitably, you wind up saying a permanent goodbye to some of the friends and acquaintances you've made along the way. 

(I still think about Emilie of Lemmondrops, whose husband made a final, poignant post on her blog to announce her death at a far-too-young age on Christmas Eve 2008, early in my blogging career.  Her baby would be would be almost through high school now -- yikes!) 

Earlier this week, I learned (via Facebook) that fellow blogger and CNBC friend -- known to many of us here in the CNBC corner of the blogging world as Bamberlamb from "It's Inconceivable" -- died on Valentine's Day (Feb. 14th), after living with cancer for the past several years.   

I got to know Bamberlamb via her blog, and also through Mali at No Kidding in NZ, who knew her for many years, pre-blogging, through their volunteer work for the Ectopic Pregnancy Trust in the UK. (She's written her own lovely tribute on her blog, here.)  When I joined the Gateway Women online community about 10? years ago (now called Childless Collective), I was delighted to find Bamberlamb there. When Jody Day created a sub-group there for Childless After Babyloss in 2021, and asked me and Bamberlamb to co-host, I couldn't think of anyone else I'd rather share the job with. 

(I was curious just how long I'd known Bamberlamb -- I thought at least 10 years, possibly longer. There wasn't an easy way to see just how long she'd been writing her blog -- no complete list of blog posts to click on, as there is on mine. I wound up clicking back and back and back on individual posts -- hitting "previous post" on each one! -- until there were no more. So far as I can tell, she started her blog in/around January 2016 -- and I found a few of my own comments on those early posts too. So it hasn't been QUITE 10 years that I've known her, more like 9, but that's still a long time!)   

Bamberlamb was feisty, funny, frank, and often hilariously profane. She loved her husband, their "tin tent" (camper trailer, or "caravan," as the Brits call it) and animals. (I knew things were not going well when she had to rehome the little dog she'd been fostering and then adopted.)  I had a standing invitation to visit her, if and when I ever got to the UK. She promised to take me to Stratford-on-Avon to see Shakespeare's cottage, and on a tour of traditional British pubs.  

Sadly, that's not going to happen now. But if/when I ever find myself in England, I'll be sure to raise a glass at a pub in Bamberlamb's memory while I'm there.  

Bamberlamb was proud of her Irish roots. Her funeral will be held on St. Patrick's Day. Her husband has asked her friends to wear her favourite colour, purple.  I won't be able to attend the funeral, but I will be wearing purple (instead of the traditional green) that day for her. 

There's a saying in the Jewish community, when someone passes away: "May their memory be a blessing."  In response to Bamberlamb's death, I saw someone posting simply, "Her memory is a blessing."  

Yes, it is.  She will be missed.  

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.

"Intermezzo" by Sally Rooney

Just what I needed, right? Yet another book club in my life, lol.  (Because I clearly don't have enough to read & otherwise keep me busy, right??  lol). 

This particular book club grew out of the monthly "What Are You Reading?" subscriber threads on Anne Helen Petersen's Culture Study Substack newsletter. A couple of her readers suggested forming a book club to read & discuss some of the books we'd been chatting about there. There are actually two clubs:  one based in North America and one in Europe. 

Somehow I wound up with the Europeans! ;)  They meet once a month on Google Meet, weekday evenings their time, which is afternoon my time, but still do-able since I'm retired. ;)  I'm not sure I'll join in every month -- it will depend on the book and what else I have going on -- but if it's a book I want to read, why not take the opportunity to do it now and then have a good chat about it with other readers, right??  ;)  

The first book I'm joining them to discuss (during the first week of March) is "Intermezzo" by Sally Rooney. I haven't read Rooney's previous book before this one, "Beautiful World, Where Are You" -- yet? -- but I read (and re-read) and loved "Normal People" a few years back (and gobbled up the TV adaptation!), followed by her first novel, "Conversations With Friends" (reviewed here -- and here, after re-reading -- and here, respectively). 

"Intermezzo" is the story of two brothers, mourning the recent death of their father. There's Peter, a 32-year-old human rights lawyer, who can't quite quit his longstanding relationship with Sylvia, a literature professor who is unable to have sex with him since a car accident left her in chronic pain. (The exact nature of her injuries is unclear.)  Meanwhile, he's become a "sugar daddy" of sorts to Nina, a much-younger girl who sells racy photos of herself as a side hustle to keep the landlord at bay.   

Then there's Peter's much-younger brother Ivan, a geeky 22-year-old chess prodigy who becomes involved with 36-year-old Margaret. Margaret is separated from her abusive, alcoholic husband, wary of the age difference between her and Ivan and leery about what people might say if/when their relationship becomes public.   

The two brothers are very different -- and grief, and their different ways of dealing with it, has only emphasized the chasm that's grown between them over the years. 

I'd heard raves about this book before picking it up -- so I was a bit surprised to find it a little hard to get into.  It moves between Peter and Ivan's viewpoints (as well as Margaret's), with a clear shift in the writing style for each character. When we're inside Peter's head, the prose is staccato -- short, choppy sentences -- and it's sometimes hard to tell who he's referring to.  Ivan's sections are written in long, detailed, rambling paragraphs. He clearly has anxiety issues, and I wondered whether he was "on the spectrum," as we now say.  

Nevertheless, I stuck with it, and although I had my doubts at the outset, it ultimately won me over -- particularly in the final 1/3 or so, as the brothers begin to realize the toll that their grief has taken on them, and on their relationships, with each other and others. I started off thinking 3 stars, max.  By midway through, it was more like, okay, 3.5, rounded up to 4.  By the end:  a solid 4 stars, and I'd probably rate that last section at 4.5.  I still have a very soft spot in my heart for "Normal People" (which I rated at 4 stars), but this one ranks right up there too.  

4 stars. 

(P.S. & FYI: The steamy sex scenes that seem to be a staple of Rooney's books are also present here in abundance!)(lol!)  

This was Book #6 read to date in 2025 (and Book #3 finished in February), bringing me to 13% of my 2025 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) on track to meet my goal.  :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2025 tagged as "2025 books." 

#MicroblogMondays: 50 (!) years of SNL

I watched the Saturday Night Live 50th (!!) anniversary special last night -- all 3.5 hours of it (!).  (Dh went to bed before it was over.)  I was 14 when SNL made its debut in October 1975.  I did not see that first episode, but I most certainly did start watching that fall. These days, I'm usually too tired to watch the entire show (although I sometimes stay up long enough to catch the opening sketch?) -- but where I grew up, in Manitoba, SNL started at 10:30 PM on Saturday nights (vs 11:30 here in southern Ontario).  I was at many a party or other gathering of friends in my teens and early 20s that wound up with everyone gathered around the TV set to watch the latest antics by Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, John Belushi, Gilda Radner & co.  

A couple of observations from last night:  

• I was taken aback by the airing of a 1978 short SNL film, "Don't Look Back in Anger," -- introduced by 88-year-old Garrett Morris (!) -- featuring John Belushi as an older version of himself, visiting his former co-stars -- in the cemetery (!). "I'm the last one," he says -- before proceeding, at the end, to dance on their graves (!).  
• Kind of chilling, especially considering that he was actually the first one of them to die, at age 33 in 1982 -- and that all the rest of them, other than Gilda Radner, are still around, 50 years later.  
• (I may have seen it before, but if I did, it's been a while, because I certainly did not remember it!) 
• I was especially touched at the very end, as the cast crowded onto the stage, to see that someone was holding a large black-and-white photo of Gilda Radner aloft.  (I later learned it was her co-stars Jane Curtin & Larraine Newman -- there's a photo of then circulating on social media.)  Gilda was childless-not-by-choice, and died in 1989 at the far-too-young age of 42 of cancer, after trying to have a child with her husband, Gene Wilder. A quote from her memoir, "It's Always Something," appears on the right hand of this blog page, and I wrote a post about her back in 2012 ("It's always something...").  
• Related:  I loved this recent (gift-linked) post from the Atlantic:" Do It for Gilda." (Subhead:  "The too-short life of a comedy genius is a reminder to the rest of us to make good use of the time we are given.")
• The evening started off with 83-year-old Paul Simon singing "Homeward Bound" with young Sabrina Carpenter, and ended off with 82-year-old Paul McCartney (who else??) and his band doing the closing medley from "Abbey Road" -- "Golden Slumbers/Carry That Weight/The End." Which says (of course): "And in the end/The love you take/Is equal to the love you make."  
• Yes, neither man's voice is what it once was -- but it's not about their voices. It's about them, the music, the memories, and what they have meant to us all for so many years.  I saw more than one person on social media commenting that they were moved to tears by McCartney's opening line ("Once there was a way to get back homeward")... especially in the context of our turbulent times.  
• Cherish these guys, while they're still here with us. 
• I saw Paul McCartney with my sister in Winnipeg in September 2018, and posted about it here. 

Did you watch?  What did you think? Highlights?  Personal SNL memories?  

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

Odds & ends: Canadian edition

• I had to change the title of a recent post ("Dodged that...")(although the original is still evident in the post's URL...!). (Admittedly, I could have chosen a better title to begin with...!  But headline-writing was never my forte in journalism school or at work, lol.)  I was horrified to check my comments the morning after I posted, only to find a spam comment offering guns for sale (!!).  It was written in Spanish (!), but I got the gist of it (and deleted it immediately). (For one thing -- handguns are illegal in Canada.)  
• I got a letter in the mail from Service Canada recently. Wasn't sure why, until I opened it and started reading -- and got the giggles. I recently celebrated my 64th (!) birthday, and the letter was informing me that my Old Age Security payments will begin in February 2026, one year from now, i.e., the month following my 65th (gulp!) birthday. I guess that makes me officially old??  (Almost, anyway...!)  
• I WAS expecting to get a letter/notification -- dh got one before HE turned 65, a few years ago -- but I thought it would come later in the year.  
• I have ZERO interest in the Super Bowl, and I wasn't really paying attention while dh watched. But I did catch a few of the ads. ;)   We don't get to see many of the (in)famous U.S. ads here, because of Canadian content regulations -- the broadcasters substitute ads for Canadian companies instead, even if you're watching a channel/network from the U.S. (Although we can view most of the U.S. ads on YouTube and elsewhere online, of course.)  I must say Canadian companies have really stepped up their game -- there were some really good ads from them this year (and a few questionable ones...!).  A few notables: 
• Doritos (which is, of course, an American product, by an American company) did an ad obviously specifically produced for the Canadian market, poking fun at the Canadian penchant for saying "sorry."  (Personally, I'm not sure whether I like it -- but, nice try!)   
• There was an ad for Rogers (telecomm company) starring Keanu Reeves (! -- he is, of course, a Toronto boy!).  (Couldn't find a clip for that one, though.) 
• There was a hilarious Crown Royal ad starring Dave Grohl. (I think that's an old one, though?) 
• And there was an ad for Tim Hortons (coffee/doughnut shop chain, founded by and named for a hockey player -- how Canadian can you get, right? --although it's now owned by a Brazilian conglomerate)(!!), set to the tune of Stompin' Tom Connors's much-beloved anthem "The Hockey Song" -- but instead of "oh, the good old hockey game," they were singing "oh, the good old football game." 
• I was HORRIFIED:  "For an AMERICAN FOOTBALL GAME?? WTAF, Timmies?? (Where was this ad when the Grey Cup was on??)"  
• Then I saw the ad a second time -- and realized:  instead of "Oh, the good old hockey game/It's the best game you can name/And the best game you can name/Is the good old hockey game" the words were now "Oh, the good old football game/It's the second-best game you can name..."  The frame at the end reads "Sorry not sorry. (We're Canadian.)" (Inside Canadian joke there.)  
• I did have to chuckle at that. (Although I do think you could have made it third-best -- there  IS the Grey Cup, after all...!)  
• Needless to say, we Canadians are just a LITTLE sensitive when it comes to Americans co-opting our culture at the moment...!  
• The YouTube clip of the song I linked to is a live performance Stompin' Tom gave, near the end of his life, on a 2012 episode of the Conan O'Brien show shot here in Toronto in front of a cheering, standing crowd. (I have to admit, I got a little misty-eyed!)  
• Here's another great clip of Tom performing the song at the 1999 closing game at Maple Leaf Gardens (before the Leafs moved to the new Air Canada Centre, now called the Scotiabank Arena).  The song gets played at every Leafs home game. 
• In a slight twist, the province of Ontario (where I live) ran an ad on U.S. networks during the game, touting our longstanding relationship, which Yahoo News Canada described as the "most politely aggressive Super Bowl ad."  (This ad/Similar ads have already been playing frequently on network TV, including CNN, for the past few weeks.) 
• In a similar vein -- I was amused, earlier in the month -- following certain-- ahem -- statements about my country from the new U.S. president -- to open the Kobo.com/ca/en home page (for ebooks) and discover a raft of new featured categories that include: 
• eBooks made in Canada: The True North strong and well-read – show your true patriot love and dive into a homegrown read.
• Finished Onyx Storm? Try these Canadian authors next:  Find your next Canadian read full of romance, magic, and fantastical creatures.
• Top Canadian eBook Pick (there were several of these) 
• Best Canadian eBooks of the Month
• Homegrown stories with glowing hearts: Learn about the experiences of being Black and Canadian.
• New Canadian authors we can't wait to read
• Made in Canada: Audiobooks by Canadian authors.

You might expect to find something like this in/around early July, i.e., Canada Day -- but February??  My reaction ranged from amused -- people think Canadians aren't patriotic?? -- to slightly annoyed at this blatant corporate attempt to cash in on the current surge of patriotism.  Although I guess if people are looking for more Canadian authors to read...! 

#MicroblogMondays: Meet Petunia!

Petunia. ❤

Meet Petunia! -- my childhood piggy bank. :)  

Petunia was actually my second piggy bank. My first one, sadly, was broken not long after I got it. The following Christmas (I think?), when I was about 6 or 7 years old (late 1960s), both my sister & I received identical new china piggy banks from Santa Claus. (Although -- did my sister's have blue hair while mine was pink?? Hmmm, must ask her next time we talk...) Mine sat on the top of my dresser until I left home, and eventually wound up in one of the dresser drawers. 

I've been thinking I should take her home for YEARS now, if I wanted to keep it (which I did). First I wanted to make sure that she really WAS mine (and not my sister's).  She assured me she had hers at her house. Second, I tried to remove the rubber plug on the bottom -- which was cracked, and now rattling around inside her tummy -- but after almost (gulp) 60 years (!), the rubber had turned hard as a rock! so it was impossible to remove (and I was afraid I'd break Petunia if I tried too hard). So I decided to just leave it in there. (Unfortunately, no money inside!  lol)  

I also procrastinated because I was a little leery about taking something so old & fragile in my suitcase -- she already had a few cracks in her -- so my sister's partner brought me some bubble wrap. I wrapped her in that, and then in a plastic bag (so that, in case she did break en route home, I wouldn't open my suitcase to find shards of broken china all over the place...!). Then I wrapped THAT up in a couple of soft sweaters and buried it in the depths of my suitcase.

Happily, she survived the trip!  and has now taken up residence in my china cabinet.  :)  She makes me smile every time I look at her. ❤ I know I can't keep EVERYTHING from my childhood, but this meant something to me, and I'm glad I still have it -- and have it here now.  

Did you have a piggy bank when you were growing up? 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

"The Mermaid of Black Conch" by Monique Roffey

"The Mermaid of Black Conch" by Monique Roffey will be the April pick for my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club. Fantasy/mythology/etc. are generally not my thing, so this is not something I would have likely chosen to read on my own.   

April is still several weeks away, but I was trying to decide which book to read next, and opened this one on my e-reader, just to see how long it was and adjust the typeface size to my liking. Before I knew it, I had read an entire chapter, and before the evening was over, I was already through the first 100 pages.  ;)  I finished it in three days (with a few interruptions).        

The story is set primarily in 1976 on a small Caribbean island, and told from the viewpoints of several different characters.  David is out in his small boat, fishing and playing his guitar, when he spots a mermaid watching him (!). Soon, he is coming to visit her and play music for her every day -- until she is caught and reeled in by two American fishermen, who are gleeful at the prospect of the huge sums of money they will get for her.  David comes to her rescue and hides her in his home, intending to return her to the sea -- but before he can do that, she begins to transform back into the human woman she once was. Her name is Aycayia.

Of course, this leads to all sorts of complications, as David falls in love with Aycayia, and more and more people learn his secret...  including his nosy neighbour, Priscilla;  Miss Arcadia Rain, a white woman whose family has owned most of the island for more than 100 years; and Arcadia's young son, Reggie, who is deaf (and whose absent father is David's uncle, Life), and who forms a special friendship with Aycayia.  

This was a fast, lyrical read. Parts of it are written in Caribbean dialect, which might take some getting used to!  There's a cinematic quality to the book:  I could see it like a movie in my head. (And was reminded of other mermaid/sea creature-themed movies I've seen -- "Splash" with Tom Hanks & Daryl Hannah, "The Shape of Water" with Sally Hawkins -- and even "Beach Blanket Bingo" from my childhood,  lol.) 

As I said, it's not my usual kind of reading, but I wound up enjoying this very much (although "enjoy" doesn't seem like quite the right word). It surprised me and touched me.  The way Aycayia was (mis)treated, by both men and women (not all of them, but...), made me sad.  :(   I had tears in my eyes near the end. 

4.5 stars on StoryGraph, rounded down to 4 for Goodreads.  

This was Book #5 read to date in 2025 (and Book #2 finished in February), bringing me to 11% of my 2025 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 1 book ahead of schedule to meet my goal.  :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2025 tagged as "2025 books." 

"The Mad Women's Ball" by Victoria Mas

My Childless Collective Nomo Book Club will be reading and discussing "The Mad Women's Ball" by Victoria Mas (translated from the original French by Frank Wynne) in March.  

The book is based in fact (!), set at Paris's Salpetriere asylum  in 1885. Some of the women who live there are truly mentally ill -- but many are simply "difficult" -- committed by husbands and families who are regard them as a problem, don't know what to do with them, and are anxious to be rid of them. 

They are hidden away and mostly forgotten by respectable society, with two exceptions:  the regular lectures by Dr. Charcot (a real-life figure), who performs public demonstrations of hypnotism on the patients in front of enthralled (male) audiences -- and the annual Lenten Mad Women's Ball, when the patients are allowed to dress up in costumes and mingle with the citizens of Paris, who have been invited to come gawk at them.  

The main story focuses on two women at the Salpetriere: matron Genevieve, who has shunned religion in favour of science and thrown herself into her work since the death of her beloved younger sister; and rebellious teenager Eugenie, whose family committed her when she told her grandmother that she can see the spirits of dead people. She's determined to escape and find other people who believe as she does (she knows they exist;  she visited a spiritualist bookstore) -- but how?  

This was a relatively short, quick read, with a story that builds steadily to the climactic event:  the Mad Women's Ball.  While it's not a book I would have likely picked up on my own, it was interesting (especially since Salpetriere was a real place, and the plot is loosely based on a true story!), and I enjoyed the characters (some of the secondary ones in particular -- young, naive, abused Louise;  Therese, the former prostitute, who knits shawls for the other patients;  and Eugenie's brother Theophile, who can't shake the guilt he feels for his role in having his sister committed). Still, I felt a certain emotional distance from it all. I'm wondering if the fact that it was translated from the French had something to do with that? 

The book was made into a well-received French movie (available for streaming on Amazon Prime), which had its premiere at the 2021 Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF) -- written, directed by and starring Melanie Laurent as Genevieve.  I haven't seen it myself, but I suspect it might make a good movie, perhaps (for once!) even better than the book!  

3.5 stars on StoryGraph, rounded down to 3 on Goodreads (after some internal debate).  

This was Book #4 read to date in 2025 (and Book #1 finished in February), bringing me to 9% of my 2025 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) on track to meet my goal.  :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2025 tagged as "2025 books." 

#MicroblogMondays: The REAL breakfast of champions?? ;)

After my Baba (paternal grandmother) died, when he was 82 years old, my Dido (grandfather) made his own porridge every morning for breakfast, until he was no longer able to live on the farm with my uncle. (He was well into his 90s when that happened.  He had a stroke and died in 1988 at age 96.)  His longevity and general good health convinced my mom & I there there must be something to it (lol)*, and so we starting making oatmeal for breakfast too. 

That was more than 40 years ago (during the year, post-journalism school/pre-marriage, when I lived at home with my parents and worked for the local weekly newspaper). My parents got their first microwave oven around that same time, which made making oatmeal a whole lot easier -- and less messy!  

While Mom has since abandoned oatmeal for Cheerios, I've continued to have oatmeal for breakfast most mornings since then. I use Quaker large-flake rolled oats (the yellow label bag -- at least, it's yellow here in Canada) -- about 1/3 of a cup of oats (and sometimes a bit more -- and sometimes a spoonful of oat bran, for added fibre) into a bowl with 2/3 of a cup of water. (Maybe a little less -- I like my oatmeal fairly thick, and if you use too much water, it's liable to overflow the bowl while it's cooking.) Microwave on high for 3 minutes. I like to top mine with brown sugar & cinnamon, and some milk. 

Oatmeal is a good source of fibre, which helps reduce cholesterol (a primary concern for dh & me lately).  The less processed the oats, the better.  (The instant oatmeal that comes in individual packages, often with added flavouring, is generally considered the worst.)  The large-flake oats that I use are pretty good, but the best, nutritionally speaking, are steel-cut oats. According to WebMD, "Steel-cut oats and rolled oats have about the same nutrition, but steel-cut oats have a bit more fiber. They also have a lower glycemic index and take longer to digest, keeping you full longer."  

A lot of people have been singing the praises of steel-cut oats to me lately, so I decided to give them a try. I bought a container of them and cooked up a batch one morning recently, in a pot on the stovetop. The directions on the package also provided microwave instructions -- but it would still make two portions, not just one, and there were still multiple steps involved. I figured if I was going to be making multiple portions, I might as well make the larger recipe and then have more to refrigerate or freeze for future breakfasts! -- so, stovetop it was! 

Cooking up a pot full of steel-cut oats.
About 4 portions. 

The instructions said to bring the water to a boil and let the oats cook for (at least) 20 minutes. I left the pot cooking for almost half an hour -- and the mixture was still not as thick as I would have liked -- but I was getting hungry!  lol  I scooped out a portion into a bowl, and put the rest into a container and into the refrigerator. It keeps there for several days. (You can also freeze it in individual portion scoops.)  I would scoop a portion out of the container -- now quite thick! -- put it into a bowl and mash it up a little, add just a splash of milk (or water), and heat it up in the microwave on high for about two minutes total. (I removed the bowl after one minute, stirred things up a bit and then put it back in for another minute.)  Add more milk and whatever toppings you like.  

I concluded that I will probably cook up a batch now & then, just to use up the container I bought -- but I think I will mostly stick to my large-flake oats. It's a little less fussy to cook, and I still like the texture better (although I might be able to improve that for the steel-cut oats with a little more experimenting). 

How about you? What do you usually have for breakfast? Have you ever tried steel-cut oats? (Any tips for me?) 

* (Genetics probably played a role in Dido's longevity as well! -- at least one and possibly more of his siblings lived to be more than 100 years old!  Five of Dido's 10 children are gone now;  my one aunt died as a baby in the 1930s from an illness that's now treatable with antibiotics, and one uncle died at age 89, but the other three all lived into their 90s. The other 5 currently range in age from 77 to 93!) 

(Of course, it could also have been the glass of rye whisky he had with his dinner every night??  lol)  

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

Stepping outside of my comfort zone (again!)

I've sometimes written here (and elsewhere) about the unique place those of us who are childless after pregnancy loss occupy in the adoption/loss/infertility/childless not by choice community(s):  "a foot in both camps," so to speak (and, as a fellow childless/loss mom recently added, "sometimes neither." Touchez.). 

Back before Christmas, I suggested to Berenice, one of the co-hosts of the Full Stop podcast, that this might be a topic they could explore. I also added that they did not necessarily have to interview ME!  They ignored that caveat (lol), and an invitation from co-host Sarah to appear on the podcast to discuss this subject popped into my email inbox -- on my birthday, no less!   

I accepted.  

It's an odd truth that while those of us in this situation are silenced by parents (even sometimes those who have also experienced loss while building their families) and the people around us generally, who shrink away from our stories (and the very idea that not everyone who wants a baby will wind up without one, even after being pregnant -- sometimes multiple times), our stories are also often met with silence by childless people too.  Many childless people never had the opportunity to try for a pregnancy (medical issues, lack of a partner -- or a willing partner, etc.) -- or were unable to conceive at all.  

Admittedly, that silence is sometimes (often?) self-imposed. Many CNBCers find it painful to deal with pregnancy and pregnant women -- perhaps even more so when pregnancy/loss is not part of their own personal stories. We all know what it's like to be childless and to have to listen to other women's pregnancy stories. They're hard to listen to -- and THOSE are the stories that usually have a happy ending!

Ours don't.   

I used to tell my loss story -- the Reader's Digest Condensed Version, anyway -- at least twice a month in my role as a pregnancy loss support group facilitator -- but we stepped down from facilitating 15 (!) years ago now -- so let's just say it's been a while since I spoke those words aloud! I was a little out of practice  ;) -- and nervous! (I found myself tensing up and shaking as I spoke -- and again later when I watched the video replay!) -- but nevertheless decided it was worth the stress and the risk to shine some light on this dark corner of the CNBC community. 

Ironically/Sadly, Berenice experienced a wifi outage the morning we were recording the podcast (!), a few weekends ago, and was unable to participate (although she did send in a question she wanted to ask us). But I had a lovely, emotional conversation with co-hosts Sarah and Michael, as well as Sandra McNicol, a grief therapist & coach at Childless Life.  All of us had experienced at least one loss at some stage of pregnancy.   

(Of course I thought of a gazillion things I *should* have mentioned, after we'd all logged off...!  Perhaps another time??) 

The episode (#71) is now available for listening on most podcast platforms, or on the Full Stop website. If you listen, please let me/us know what you think!    

(Note: You'll notice that the hosts were kind enough to respect my wish to remain (semi) anonymous, and have only used the name "Lori" on the podcast and related social media posts. Most of the people around me in "real life" (still) don't know about this blog or the extent of my activities within the ALI/CNBC communities -- and I'd like to keep it that way, if possible (or for as long as possible, anyway!). If you do know me personally, I'd appreciate it if you didn't tag me in any social media posts about the podcast. Thanks!)  

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This was not my first podcast/webinar appearance:  

Back in September, as part of World Childless Week, Michael and I chatted together for a webinar about childlessness and genealogy -- "What Can We Learn From Our Family History?" (which I wrote about here and here and here -- link to the recording of that webinar are included in the comments on both posts). I described that then as "a big step outside my comfort zone." This was certainly another one!  

Back in July 2018, I was part of a discussion organized by Jody Day about “IVF at 40,” featuring seven fabulous childless-not-by-choice bloggers. The video was shared on all of our platforms, including my blog here. It’s also available on Vimeo. 

I also appeared on The Bitter Infertiles podcast (episode 20) way back in 2013 (!!) with Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos, and wrote about that experience here. 

Right now

Right now...* 

*(an occasional (mostly monthly) meme, alternating from time to time with "The Current"). (Explanation of how this started & my inspirations in my first "Right now" post, here. Also my first "The Current" post, here.)

January was COLD, GREY, LONG -- and all over the place -- a month of mostly muddling through! We returned to the GTA (Greater Toronto Area) from spending Christmas holidays with my family in Manitoba on Jan. 5th.  It took us well over a week to start to feel settled back into our usual routines -- and in some respects, I feel like I STILL don't quite have a handle on everything I should. 

Pandemic diary/update: January was month #58 since the covid pandemic began in March 2020 (now in Year FIVE, going on SIX). :(   We (still!) remain covid-free (so far as we know... knocking wood, loudly...).  We continue to mask in stores, malls and (most) other such indoor public spaces hereabouts, especially if/when there are lots of people around. (Well, I do -- I know dh has been slacking off, whenever I'm not around to hand him a mask...!)  We've seen a few more people in masks lately too -- we're still very much in the minority, of course, but it does help me feel a bit less like an odd duck! 

Among other things we did this month, we: 

• Celebrated the new year while still visiting my parents in Manitoba. 
• Celebrated my mom's 84th birthday while we were there. (It was actually just after we came back home, but we got a cake and invited Parents' Neighbours' Daughter and her family, as well as a few neighbours, to come over on Saturday night, Jan. 4th.)  
• Flew home to Toronto (Jan. 5th). 
• Went with dh to the supermarket to load up on groceries and restock our rather bare cupboards and refrigerator! (Jan. 6th) 
• Took down the Christmas tree & decorations. (Jan. 7th) (The boxes are still sitting in our spare room/office, waiting to be taken back down to our storage locker...!)  
• Went for my twice-postponed (from Dec. 10th and then Dec. 18th!) dental checkup and cleaning in midtown Toronto. (Jan. 8th)
• Celebrated my 64th (!) birthday! (Jan. 12th)  We didn't do much, but BIL & SIL dropped by for coffee, bearing panettone & some gifts. My mom & sister called, and I got lots of birthday wishes on Facebook & WhatsApp. (I know I've said this before, but... next year, the beach!!  lol)  
• Went to the mall for the first time since before Christmas, for a few hours of walking & shopping (Jan. 14th). (Had lunch when we got home again.) 
• Returned to the mall on Jan. 21st and 29th. 
• Did some shopping at the bookstore, two women's clothing stores, the supermarket and drugstore (picked up a prescription)(Jan. 15th). 
• Had an enjoyable lunch at BIL's on Jan. 19th with his & dh's uncle & aunt, cousin & his wife (the ones with the cottage we've been to the past several September/Octobers). 
• Drove up to Older Nephew's house on Jan. 25th to (finally!!) meet Little Great-Nephew #2, 5 weeks old.  :)  And see Little Great-Nephew #1, Older Nephew and his wife too!  :)  BIL & SIL drove up and joined us later (and SIL took over holding the baby for the rest of the time we were there...!), and we all had a good visit. 
• Still have not seen Little Great-Niece since we got back (since LGN#1's birthday party in mid-November, to be precise) -- even though they live just a few minutes' walk away from us.  :(  
• Went to the nearby lab on the morning of Jan. 28th for repeat bloodwork, four months after our most recent bloodwork (in mid-September) and three months after our family doctor warned us (back in mid-October) about our rising cholesterol levels and told us he'd have to put us both on medication if our results didn't improve. We've made a concerted effort since then to improve our diet and increase our activity levels at least a bit. 
• We repeated our bloodwork earlier this week, on Jan. 28th, and by the next morning, both of us had our results: all the numbers (except one in dh's report) were back within normal range. What a relief!!    
• By the end of this month,  I'd lost more than 8 pounds since mid-October (and more than 20 from my highest-ever weight), and dh was down more than 14 (isn't that always the way??). He's able to fit back into his old jeans again (a size smaller than the ones he'd been wearing)!  

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Also right now:  

Reading: I finished 3 books in January (all reviewed on this blog, as well as Goodreads & StoryGraph, & tagged "2025 books"):  

• "Others Like Me" by Nicole Louie. (4 stars; my review.) 
• "Peter West" by D.E. Stevenson -- the one DES book my group has NOT read together, in its 25+ years of existence! I read this in advance of our group read, which began Jan. 13th and runs through late March. I'll count this one as a re-read when we're done. (2 stars; my review.)  
• "Yellowface" by R.F. Kuang (the February pick for my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club). (4 stars; my review.)  

This brings me to 3 books read in 2025 to date, 7% of my 2025 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) on track to meet my goal.  :) 

Current reads: 

• "The Mad Woman's Ball" by Victoria Mas -- the March book for my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club. 
• "The Siege of Krishnapur" by J. G. Farrell -- the first new Footnotes and Tangents slow readalong for 2025, which started Jan. 13th, for 9 weeks. Currently 29% completed. 
• "Peter West" by D.E. Stevenson -- the one DES book my group has NOT read together, in its 25+ years of existence! I read this in advance of our group read, which began Jan. 13th and runs through late March. Currently 35% completed. I'll count this one as a re-read when we're done. (2-2.5 stars; my review.)  
• "Anne of Windy Poplars" by L.M. Montgomery (called "Anne of Windy Willows" in the U.K., with some text variations). My L.M. Montgomery Readathon Facebook group started reading & discussing this book together today (Jan. 6th). This will be our last book with our wonderful administrator of the past five (!) years, Andrea, who is moving on to other projects. I just (re)read this one right at this time last year, so I chose not to read it through (again) on my own first (as I normally would), but I will count this one as a re-read when we're done. (My previous review here.) Currently 22% completed. 
• "Living the Life Unexpected" by Jody Day.  I'm once again taking part in a chapter-by-chapter group read of this CNBC classic!  The most recent Zoom meeting covered Chapter 6.  This is the 5th (!) time I've read this book, or the earlier version of it ("Rocking the Life Unexpected").  (Most recent review, with links to earlier reviews, here.)  
• "L.M. Montgomery and Gender," an essay collection edited by E. Holly Pike & Laura Robinson. Slowly working my way through, in between the other books...! 

Re: "Krishanpur" -- I started the year fully intending to repeat last year's two slow readalongs at Footnotes and Tangents -- "War and Peace" by Leo Tolstoy and the Cromwell trilogy of books by Hilary Mantel. I was on a reading high, and wasn't ready to let go of the great experience I'd had there. 

Alas, unlike last year, I very quickly fell behind on W&P -- and never got started on "Wolf Hall."  (So far??)  I find I'm struggling a bit with my other book club obligations (already!), let alone reading new stuff I'd like to tackle too. I figure that I DID read it once, and that's a pretty damned great accomplishment -- and I AM doing "Krishnapur," and I intend to do the three other new slow reads Simon has planned for this year too (see below). 

For now, I've removed both books from my "current reads" list. If/when I manage to catch up, I'll add them back! 

Coming up: Most of my book groups have their next reads plotted out for a few months in advance -- and listing them here helps me keep track of what I should be reading next. ;)  

• For my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club: 
• "The Mermaid of Black Conch" by Monique Roffey (April)  
• For my D.E. Stevenson group:  This list of upcoming books should keep us busy through 2025 or even into early 2026!  (A couple of the books are ones we covered shortly after I first joined the group back in 2014 -- you know you've been around for a while when....!)  
• Miss Buncle Married (original 2015 review here). Starting in March/April. 
• The Two Mrs. Abbotts (original 2015 review here).
• Crooked Adam
• The Four Graces (original 2015 review here). 

• Footnotes and Tangents slow readalongs planned for 2025 include:
• "A Place of Greater Safety" by Hilary Mantel -- starts May 5th, for 20 weeks. 
• "Things Fall Apart" by Chinua Achebe -- starts Sept. 29th, for 5 weeks. 
• "The Blue Flower" by Penelope Fitzgerald -- starts Nov. 3rd, for 7 weeks. 

(Simon is a big fan of the late great Hilary Mantel, and the other books he's selected were all books that she loved, so he figured they would probably be worth reading!) 

A few recently purchased titles (aside from the first three as noted, mostly in digital format, mostly discounted ($5-10 or less) or purchased with points):   

• Three hardcovers, purchased with a gift card (Christmas gift from dh -- he knows me well! lol):  
• "The McCartney Legacy, Volume 2: 1974-80" by Allan Kozinn & Adrian Sinclair. 
• "An Unfinished Love Story" by Doris Kearns Goodwin 
• "The Comfort of Crows" by Margaret Renkl 
• "Small Things Like These" by Claire Keegan 
• "The Mighty Red" by Louise Erdrich 
• "I'm Mostly Here to Enjoy Myself" by Glynnis MacNicol
• "The Big Freeze" by Natalie Lampert 
• "The Rich People Have Gone Away" by Regina Porter 
• "Unwell Women:  Misdiagnosis and Myth in a Man-Made World" by Elinor Cleghorn 
• "Sonny Boy" by Al Pacino 
• "Autocracy Inc." by Anne Applebaum 
• "Kingmaker" by Sonia Purnell 

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Watching:  

• Dh & I don't watch a lot of series TV -- but when we were with my family over the holidays, my sister mentioned they have been enjoying "Only Murders in the Building." I've heard other good things about it (and you can't beat that cast! -- Steve Martin, Martin Short and Selena Gomez) -- but I was under the impression that it was only available through a streaming service -- Disney+ in Canada, Hulu in the U.S. (and I am reluctant to subscribe to another streaming service, since I make so little use of our Netflix subscription...!).  
• Then I discovered that they are showing a past season (currently season 2) on Thursday nights on CTV. I watched two episodes, back to back earlier this month, and enjoyed them tremendously!  I've missed the episodes aired since then, but may try to catch up on CTV's website online.  Anyone else watching this one? 
• A new season of "Finding Your Roots" on PBS. 
• Figure skating!  
• The Canadian Figure Skating Championships from Laval, Quebec (Jan. 17th-19th) -- streaming on my laptop, as (once again!) there was NO TV network coverage this year (!). :(  
• The U.S. nationals, from Wichita, Kansas, on the weekend of Jan. 24th -26th. I managed to watch part of the live coverage of the women's free skate on Friday night on NBC, and the men's free program on Sunday afternoon. 
• When I heard about the plane collision over the Potomac River in Washington DC on Wednesday night, and that the plane was coming from Wichita, I thought about the skating but thought everyone would have gone home by then. Unfortunately not. :(  
  
• The European championships are on this weekend in Tallinn, Estonia. Haven't checked yet, but hopefully there will be some TV coverage! 
• Too much NFL football!  :p  (lol)  (as I ranted here! lol) 

Listening: We've added the 80s Stingray music channel to our regular listening roster, and have been enjoying that! :) (My Heardle 80s:scores could use some improvement! lol -- see below!) 

Playing:  

• Heardle Decades: Stats as of Jan. 31st: 
• Heardle 60s: 76.7% (633/825, 249 on first guess), up 0.2% from last month. Max. streak: 15.
• Heardle 70s: 77.6% (436/562, 246 on first guess), down 0.8% from last month. Max. streak: 18. 
• Heardle 80s: 39.6% (173/437, 65 on first guess), up 0.2% from last month. Max. streak: 4. 
• Heardle 90s: 29.3% (158/539, 33 on first guess), up 0.5% from last month. Max. streak: 5. 
• NYT Connections:  
• By Jan. 5th, I'd completed 161 games and won 81% of them, including 78 "perfect puzzles" with zero errors. I maintained my maximum winning streak of 15.  :) 
• By Jan. 31st, I'd completed 187 games and won 80% of them, including 89 "perfect puzzles" with zero errors and a maximum winning streak of 15.  :)   

(Un)Following:  Blocking anyone I don't know who follows me on BlueSky (most of them men with suspiciously similar profiles....). Gradually checking out the accounts I follow on Twitter/X to see whether they're on BlueSky or Threads and following them there. Once I'm satisfied I have my favourites over there, I'm exiting the cesspool.  ;)  I'm rarely on there as it is, and while I've "liked" and reposted others' posts, I've never (or very rarely) responded, and I don't think I've ever posted anything there myself either. 

Eating/Drinking:  

• We continued our efforts to eat healthier (as mentioned above) -- and it's paid off, in terms of both our cholesterol numbers and the numbers on the scale!  We haven't been complete angels by any means (and I don't think we really deprived ourselves over Christmas!) -- there's lots of room for improvement! -- but since mid/late October, we've been making a conscious effort to reduce our portion sizes, cut back on fatty & processed foods (fewer casseroles, more chicken and beans/lentils), eat more fruits, vegetables and fibre, snack less (and make better snacking choices), and be at least a little more active.   
• Pre-pandemic, we'd go out to a restaurant for a nice dinner on my birthday. We haven't been eating out in restaurants much since the pandemic began -- and because I knew we'd be doing new bloodwork shortly, I resisted the temptation to order something too caloric for takeout. We wound up getting thin crust wood oven takeout pizzas (eaten over two dinners), which I figured was one of the lesser of evil choices.  ;)  
• BIL & SIL visited that day and brought some mini-panettones in different flavours. SIL & I shared one over tea -- salted caramel.  Maybe not low-cal, but yummy! 
• Older Nephew's Wife made delicious homemade pizzas when we were there last weekend  -- they were warm out of the oven when we got there! and I'll admit I indulged in quite a few pieces while we were there! She is a great cook! :)  and she always has a tomato-free option for me. :)  

Buying (besides books, lol):  Clothes for the great-niblings. I also ordered some stuff I need from Estee Lauder & Clinique, cashing in on some birthday offers.  

Wearing:  Long sleeves (and sometimes a cardigan on top), yoga pants, socks AND slippers inside the house. It was cold enough when we walked over to the blood lab the other morning that I wore my heavy winter jacket (which I bought when we were still working and commuting -- and waiting for the train on frigid winter mornings in unheated shelters! -- these days, I mostly just wear it when go to Manitoba at Christmastime!), scarf and tuque (knitted cap)(Note: Canadians do NOT call them "beanies"!!). If we're just going to the mall or supermarket, I'll wear my lighter-weight down jacket and sometimes a knitted headband that covers my ears, while we're outside. (And gloves, of course. I have a pair of thermal-lined Isotoners that I love.)  

Enjoying:  The photos of Little Great-Nephew #2 that his mom is posting on social media. (Still not enough of them, though!  lol)  He just turned 6 weeks old!  :)  

Appreciating:  Having a nice clean house for the weekend! (Weekends don't mean quite the same thing when you're retired -- but I still enjoy having all the laundry & cleaning done by Friday afternoon, so the weekend is free!)  

Noticing:  I'm not getting as winded, as quickly, lately, when we're out walking.  I can't say we've been great about regular exercise, but we have been trying to move a little more, and to get to the mall to walk around (and shop of course! lol), at least once a week. 

Prioritizing: Muddling through the month as best I can...!  

Trying: To let things slide a little more, when it comes to keeping on top of the news and all the notifications on my phone, newsletters flooding into my email inbox, etc.  I'm still very much a news junkie, and we still tend to have the news channels on way too much at our house ;)  -- but I've decided that so long as I know the major headlines and facts, I don't need to read/know Every. Little. Thing. (Especially right now, with You-Know-Who in charge in the U.S. now...!).  

On top of the U.S. political news, here in Canada/Ontario, with a (unnecessary, IMHO) early provincial election campaign underway, a federal Liberal leadership race underway and (no doubt) a federal election to follow shortly (the government is in a minority position and the Opposition parties are itching for a fight). It's all way too much...!  

Anticipating/Bracing for: The stiff new 25% tariffs being imposed today by the new U.S. government. (This is how you treat your longtime closest ally, neighbour and trading partner, America?? What about the free trade agreement that we renegotiated during the Orange One's last term, at his demand?)  They will be devastating for our economy here, absolutely no doubt about that. :(   But there's also no doubt that the American consumer is going to feel the pain as well, in the form of price increases and potential retaliatory tariffs imposed by our own government. 

(Canadians have a reputation for niceness -- but have you ever watched us play hockey??  ;)  ) 

Wondering:  How soon it will be before we start feeling the impact? 

Loving: Any time we get to spend with the great-niblings,,, just wish it was more often!

Wanting/Hoping: To see more of the great-niblings than we have lately.   

Feeling: Still somewhat tired from December, somewhat scattered. Not really looking forward to February (my least favourite month/more winter...!).