Monday, September 17, 2018

#MicroblogMondays: Exploring roads less travelled

I got to do a little meandering down roads less travelled (literally) late last week. My friend/former work colleague J & I headed "up north" (about a two-hour drive) on Thursday to visit our friend & former workmate (actually, our former boss) S -- something the three of us have been talking about doing for quite a while now. S's husband was away and the timing was perfect for a girls' get-together. I don't get much girlfriend time these days, and I enjoyed every minute of it. :)

I had never been to this part of Ontario before;  S has lived there most of her life -- even when she was working in the city, she & her partner would head home to the farm for weekends & holidays, and when they both retired, they sold their house in the city and came home for good. And she was a great tour guide. It's an area where cottages & ski resorts along the lakeshore (Lake Huron/Georgian Bay) give way to rolling farmland and apple orchards. We spent a lot of time just driving around country roads that most daytrippers and tourists wouldn't know about, enjoying the scenery. The fall colours are just starting to peek out from among the greenery, but it was very pretty nevertheless. S lives in town these days, but they own a piece of beachfront property off a narrow dirt road in the country, and she took us there late in the afternoon. We dragged a couple of  chairs (called Adirondack chairs in the U.S.) out of the storage shed and down to the water's edge & sat there for an hour or so with the drinks & snacks we'd brought along in an insulated cooler bag, talking and laughing and enjoying the view, and the peace & quiet.

Besides work (and early retirement), another thing the three of us have in common: none of us has children (although J has several stepchildren & grandchildren). We never discuss WHY we don't have kids (although they both supported me through my rollercoaster pregnancy, Katie's stillbirth & its aftermath) -- but we did talk about various issues related to aging without children -- where to live, what to do with a lifetime of accumulated STUFF (and who, if anyone, is going to want it when we're gone), etc. My social networks are not quite as well developed as theirs, but we all spoke with pride and affection about our cousins & their kids, stepkids (& their kids), nieces & nephews (and great-nieces & nephews), and friends' kids who are like grandkids/nieces & nephews to us. I was struck (not for the first time) by the generosity my childless/free friends show towards other people's children -- contrary to the popular stereotype that we're all "selfish" and "child-haters."

The next day (Friday), we drove about two more hours north to the very northernmost tip of the peninsula (with a lot of side trips & stops at points of interest along the way), where we strolled around the harbour, eating ice cream & getting sunburned before heading home again. I imagine the place is crawling with tourists on a summer weekend (and there was a lot of northbound traffic as we headed back south that afternoon), but it was not at all crowded and very pleasant. (One of the perqs of retirement!) J & I headed back to the city again the next morning (Saturday), via a different route along rolling country roads. It brought home to me (not for the first time...!) just how vast this province and this country are (and how we really need to get out of the city more often to explore...!). 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.

Early evening on an inlet on Georgian Bay (Lake Huron, one of the Great Lakes).
The stone structure to the right of the trees is an inukshuk

Monday, September 10, 2018

#MicroblogMondays: Odds & ends

  • Just a reminder: It's World Childless Week!  :)  Lots going on! 
  • Back to school photos seem to have (finally!) tapered off as most kids returned to classrooms last week. As I said to another CNBCer, I don't think it's the photos themselves that bother me as much as all the accompanying commentary...!  
    • (I did see a couple of brilliant adult parodies online, including one of a male schoolteacher holding up one of those blackboard signs (which included the line "my wife made me do this") and another guy holding up a chalkboard citing "day xxx of work."  ;)  )  
  • This time last week, we were sweltering, running from air conditioned condo to air conditioned car to air conditioned stores and back again. Yesterday was grey and chilly, to the point that I had to put on socks and yoga pants for the first time in months. They're back on today, and I had to wear shoes & a jacket when we went out earlier. There has to be a happy medium somewhere... right?? (Thankfully, things should warm up a bit later this week...) 
  • Remember the annoying online friend I posted about a few months ago, on a mommy group getaway?  Her first grandchild -- a girl, of course -- was born a few months ago, and I have barely been able to click a perfunctory "like" on the flood of gloating grandma posts on social media. Why is it so easy to be happy for some people, but others...?? 
  • Looking forward to a rare girls' getaway of my own later this week!  :)  
You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.

Sunday, September 9, 2018

"Juliet, Naked" by Nick Hornby

When I heard there was a movie version of Nick Hornby's novel "Juliet, Naked" coming out, I decided I'd like to see it. I'd previously read both "High Fidelity" and "About a Boy" by Hornby after seeing and enjoying the movie versions.  (I also saw "Fever Pitch" with Drew Barrymore & Jimmy Fallon, although I never read the Hornby book it was based on.)

This time around, I thought I'd try to get the novel read before I saw the movie (and, moreover, cram it into the few days in between when I finished my most recent book (reviewed here) and Sept. 11th, when "Fear: Trump in the White House" by Bob Woodward came out.  ;) I finished the book in three days flat (started Friday, finished this afternoon). :)

(As it turns out, I needn't have rushed:  "Juliet, Naked" the movie is only playing in three theatres in the GTA at the moment -- none of them anywhere near me (albeit one of them is near where we lived before we moved). Hmph.)

Pop culture and music are often themes in Hornby's books, and this one is no exception. The plot:  Main characters Annie & Duncan have lived a humdrum existence together for the past 15 years in a small town by the seaside in England. Duncan's life revolves, not around Annie, but his obsession with an American singer/songwriter, Tucker Crowe, who disappeared from public view at the height of his fame, 30 years ago. When Crowe releases a new album -- a stripped down/demo version of his most famous work -- Duncan is ecstatic. Annie is less impressed (not to mention fed up with Duncan), and publishes an online critique of the album on Duncan's favourite fan forum, which sets off a string of events that change everything for her, Duncan -- and Tucker Crowe.

*** POTENTIAL SPOILERS FOLLOW *** 

I have to admit, I was taken aback, not far into the novel, when the topic of childlessness popped up. (And then again later on, when pregnancy loss (not Annie's) made an appearance.)  I'm not sure why I was surprised -- after all, childless/freeness was a major theme in "About a Boy" too.)  Approaching her 40s, Annie finds herself longing for a child:
The decision not to have children had never been made, and nor had there been any discussion resulting in a postponement of the decision... Annie could imagine herself as a mother, but Duncan was nobody's idea of a father, and anyway, neither of them would have felt comfortable applying cement to the relationship in that way. That wasn't what they were for. And now, with an irritating predictability, she was going through what everyone had told her she would go through: she was aching for a child. Her aches were brought on by all the usual mournful-happy life events: Christmas, the pregnancy of a friend, the pregnancy of a complete stranger she saw in the street. And she wanted a child for all the usual reasons, as far as she could tell. She wanted to feel unconditional love, rather than the faint conditional affection she could scrape together for Duncan every now and again;  she wanted to be held by someone who would never question the embrace, the why or the who or the how long. There was another reason, too: she needed to know that she could have one, that there was life in her. Duncan had put her to sleep, and in her sleep, she had been desexed.  
She'd get over all of this, presumably, or at least it would become a wistful regret, rather than a sharp hunger. But this holiday hadn't been designed to comfort her. There was an argument that you might as well change nappies as hang out in men's lavatories taking pictures. The amount of time they had for themselves was beginning to feel sort of... decadent
Later on:
The cliche had it that kids were the future, but that wasn't it: they were the unreflective, active present. They were not themselves nostalgic, because they couldn't be, and they retarded nostalgia in their parents. Even as they were getting sick and being bullied and becoming addicted to heroin and getting pregnant, they were in the moment, and she wanted to be in it with them. She wanted to worry herself sick about schools and bullying and drugs.
I could relate to this section, where Annie reflects on the photos from her recent American vacation with Duncan (a Tucker Crowe-focused pilgrimage)(it reminded me of Jess's recent post about photos):
Annie scrolled back through the photo library on her computer and started to wonder whether her whole life had been a waste of time. She wasn't, she liked to think, a nostalgic, or a Luddite. Sher preferred her iPod to Duncan's old vinyl, she enjoyed having hundreds of TV channels to choose from, and she loved her digital camera. It's just that, in the old days, when you eventually got your pictures back from the drugstore, you never went backward through time. You shuffled through the twenty-four holiday snapshots, only seven of which were any good, put them in a drawer and forgot about them. You didn't have to compare them to every other holiday you'd had in the past seven or eight years. But now she couldn't resist it. When she uploaded or downloaded or whatever it was you did, the new photos took their place alongside all the others, and the seamlessness was beginning to depress her.  
Look at them. There's Duncan. There's Annie. There's Duncan and Annie. There's Annie, Duncan, Duncan, Annie, Duncan standing at a urinal, pretending to pee...Nobody should have children just because it made the photo library on the computer more interesting. On the other hand, being childless meant that you could, if you were in a negative frame of mind, come to the conclusion that your snapshots were a little on the dull side. Nobody grew up or got bigger;  no landmark occasions were commemorated, because there were none. Duncan and Annie just slowly got older, and a little fatter. (She was being loyal here. She hadn't gotten much fatter at all, she noticed.) Annie had single friends who'd never had kids, but their holiday photos, usually taken in exotic locations, were never boring -- or rather, they didn't feature the same two people over and over again, quite often wearing the same T-shirts and sunglasses, quite often sitting by the same swimming pool in the same hotel on the Amalfi coast. 
Beyond childlessness (as well as some thoughts on parenting, art and obsessive fan worship), the novel explores the questions that many of us (childless or not) face as we head into midlife: What makes life meaningful? How do you shake off years of inertia, seize the initiative & start being an active participant in your own life? And what happens when (even despite your best efforts) life doesn't turn out the way you thought or hoped it would?

Some choice quotes from the book along these lines:
Tucker didn't want to think about whether they'd be starved out if they couldn't drive anywhere. He wanted to think about how old he was, and how he was going to die soon, and how his whole life seemed to have slipped away without him noticing.  
In the last e-mail Annie had sent to Tucker, she'd posed the following question:  What do you do if you think you've wasted the last fifteen years of your life?  
She and Duncan had ended up together because they were the last two people to be picked for a sports team, and she felt she was better at sports than that. 
For the best part of 40 years she had genuinely believed that not doing things would somehow prevent regret, when, of course, the exact opposite was true. 
There was an awful lot to be said for familiarity, if you thought about it. It was an extremely underrated virtue, ignorable until the very moment that you were in danger of losing whatever or whoever it was that was familiar—a house, a view, a partner.
In some ways, this book was quite typical Nick Hornby -- and at the same time, not at all what I had expected. I enjoyed it, and I gave it four stars on Goodreads.

I will let you know what I think of the movie, if/when I get to see it. (It stars Rose Byrne, Chris O'Dowd and Ethan Hawke as Annie, Duncan and Tucker, respectively, which seems like pretty good casting to me!)

This was book #19 that I've read so far in 2018, bringing me to 79% of my 2018 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 24 books.  I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 3 books ahead of schedule to meet my goal!  :)

Saturday, September 8, 2018

"The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society" by Mary Ann Shaffer & Annie Barrows

I first bought and read -- and loved -- "The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society" by Mary Ann Shaffer & Annie Barrows when it was published about 10 years ago. I was thrilled when I heard a movie version was in the works (albeit slightly less so when I found out it would not be released on the big screen -- in North America, anyway -- but instead go straight to Netflix).

I rarely re-read books these days -- far too many unread books sitting on my shelves! -- but it had been a while, and some of the details were a bit hazy, so I decided I should pick it up again & read it before watching the movie, which started airing on Netflix in mid-August.

The book was just as delightful -- and moving -- as I remembered. It's the story of Juliet Ashton, a writer in post-WWII London, who strikes up a correspondence with a pig farmer named Dawsey Adams from the island of Guernsey, who has picked up one of her books second-hand.  Guernsey and the Channel Islands were occupied by the Nazis during the war, and Dawsey and his neighbours form the Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society as a diversion -- and as an alibi. The story of Guernsey, the society and its members and how they endured the war years is told through letters to & from Juliet and the members as well as her publisher and other friends.

I love books & reading (the story of how Juliet broke off her engagement (in the letter From Juliet to Sidney, 28th January 1946) had me laughing out loud)... I love letters (both writing & reading -- although sadly, I seem to do little of either these days...)... and I love stories about how ordinary people survived the war years -- so needless to say, I adored this book & gave it four stars on Goodreads. :)  I am planning to watch the movie soon, & will let you know what I think of it when I do!

*** *** ***

When I took this book off my shelf to re-read, it had two passages marked with post-it notes. The first describes Juliet's emotions as she prepares to land in Guernsey and meet her penpals for the first time. "Hiding behind paper" and "better at writing than living" -- cough, cough.... hmmm....
As the mail boat lurched into the harbour, I saw St. Peter Port rising up from the sea on terraces, with a church on the top like a cake decoration, and I realize that my heart was galloping. As much as I tried to persuade myself it was the thrill of the scenery, I knew better. All those people I've come to know and even love a little, waiting to see -- me. And I, without any paper to hide behind. Sidney, in these past two or three years, I have become better at writing than living -- and think what you do to my writing. On the page, I'm perfectly charming, but that's just a trick I learned. It has nothing to do with me. At least, that's what I was thinking as the mail boat came toward the pier. I had a cowardly impulse to throw my red cape overboard and pretend I was someone else. (From Juliet to Sidney, 22nd May, 1946) 
The second passage I had marked immediately reminded me of how very few people around us want to hear our stories as survivors of pregnancy/infant loss &/or infertility -- and the importance of peer support:
I have been reading an article by a woman named Giselle Pelletier, a political prisoner held at Ravensbruck for five years. She writes about how difficult it is for you to get on with your life as a camp survivor. No one in France -- not friends, not family -- wants to know anything about your life in the camps, and they think that the sooner you put it out of your mind -- and out of their hearing -- the happier you'll be.
According to Miss Pelletier, it is not that you want to belabour anyone with details, but it did happen to you and you cannot pretend it didn't. "Let's put everything behind us" seems to be France's cry. "Everything -- the war, the Vichy, the Milice, Drancy, the Jews -- it's all over now. After all, everyone suffered, not just you." In the face of this institutional amnesia, she writes, the only help is talking with fellow survivors. They know what life in the camps was. You speak, and they can speak back. They talk, they rail, they cry, they tell one story after another -- some tragic, some absurd. Sometimes they can even laugh together. The relief is enormous, she says. (From Juliet to Sophie, 29th August, 1946) 
Since that first read, I've added a few more post-it note markers:
That's what I love about reading: one tiny thing will interest you in a book, and that tiny thing will lead you onto another book, and another bit there will lead you onto a third book. It's geometrically progressive—all with no end in sight, and for no other reason than sheer enjoyment. (From Juliet to Dawsey, 15th January 1946) 
So true!

One more:
When my son, Ian, died at El Alamein-- side by side with Eli's father, John -- visitors offering their condolences, thinking to comfort me, said, "Life goes on." What nonsense, I thought, of course it doesn't. It's death that goes on; Ian is dead now and will be dead tomorrow and next year and forever. There's no end to that. But perhaps there will be an end to the sorrow of it. Sorrow had rushed over the world like the waters of the Deluge, and it will take time to recede. But already, there are small islands of -- hope? Happiness? Something like them, at any rate. (From Amelia to Juliet, 10th April 1946) 
This was book #18 that I've read so far in 2018, bringing me to 75% of my 2018 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 24 books.  I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 2 books ahead of schedule to meet my goal!  :)

Tuesday, September 4, 2018

Next week is World Childless Week!

Did you know that next week (Sept. 10-16) is the second annual World Childless Week?  WCW aims to raise awareness of the childless not by choice (CNBC) community, specifically. (Why is it held on/around Sept. 16th?  The answer might surprise you!)

Last year I wrote, "I didn't write anything about it here before, partly because I didn't learn about it the week was underway, and partly because I am still wading my way through the abundance of great related reading I found online."  I added, "Through my reading and by following links, I discovered a few new childless/free blogs & sites, which I've added to the blogroll & resources links on the right-hand side of this page. Check them out!"

This year I'm more aware and slightly better prepared ;)  and I'm looking forward to many new discoveries and a lot more great reading!  Check out this summary of what's planned and find out how you can get involved.  One simple way to do so: join the #IAMME campaign on social media!  Details here.

(I don't know if I'll be able to post every day during WCW on the daily themes -- but I did want to make sure you all knew about this event in advance!)

Some other bloggers' recent posts about WCW:

Monday, September 3, 2018

#MicroblogMondays: Small pleasures

  • (Finally!) putting up pictures, after 2.5 years in this condo...!  
  • Watching dh's cousins & their kids crowding around to look at the family tree chart I brought to the family gathering this weekend, trying to find themselves on it (and hearing them exclaim, "I didn't know that!"). 
  • Giving huge hugs to Cousin/Neighbour's two daughters (now in their mid-20s), whom I once thought of as nieces but haven't seen in 5-10 years. :(  
  • Seeing some pretty good fireworks over the treetops from our condo windows last night. (Not sure when fireworks became part of Labour Day weekend, but, whatever....!  lol) 
  • Limone (lemon) gelato, on a scorching hot afternoon. :) 
  • Bonus: Unexpectedly finding the gelato shop mostly empty on a long weekend holiday Monday before school starts. :)
  • Getting to sleep in while everyone else is getting the kids off to school tomorrow morning (not to mention every other morning, lol). ;) 
  • Counting the days until I get to see my family (& Paul McCartney!! lol).  ;)  
You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.

Sunday, September 2, 2018

Right now

Right now... (an occasional meme, alternating from time to time with "The Current")

Reading:  Currently re-reading "The Guernsey Literary & Potato Peel Pie Society," before I watch the movie version on Netflix. :)  Year-to-date, I've finished 17 books (out of my Goodreads 2018 Reading Challenge goal of 24 books, and 2 ahead of "schedule," so far!). 

Recent purchases: 
Watching:  Not much...! (Time to get reacquainted with my Netflix subscription?) Waiting impatiently for the fall season to start, and the return of some old favourites.  Most recent big-screen movie: "Crazy Rich Asians."  Was hoping to see "Operation Finale" this weekend, but alas, it does not seem to be playing anywhere in the GTA yet... :(  

Listening:  No particular music or podcasts that I've been listening to lately... although Aretha Franklin songs have been occupying the soundtrack in my head since her recent passing. 

Following:  "Modern Mrs. Darcy," after many references to her blog by Mel of Stirrup Queens. ALI-themes dominate my blog reader, but I also follow several book-related blogs. :)   

Drinking/Eating:  Way too much at dh's mom's family's annual gathering yesterday.... including speducci, the usual barbecued hamburgers, hot dogs and sausages, bean salad, coleslaw, birthday cake, pasta aglio e olio late in the evening, and lemondrop (vodka) shots. :p  ;)  (The younger generation enthusiastically imbibed all kinds and quantities of shots, but I learned LONG ago -- when I was their age ;)  -- that mixing my drinks -- and indulging in too many of them, lol -- was a sure path to hangovers & other disasters...!)   

Wearing:  Shorts, capris & sleeveless tops, while I still can...!  There was a touch of fall chill in the air the other day -- It's since gotten warmer again, but it was a reminder that September is here, fall is almost officially here, and summer is on the wane... 

I bought a couple of V-neck tie-dyed look T-shirts from American Eagle on sale recently (like this one), and am enjoying wearing those. The colours suit me, and the tie-dye look appeals to the 60s child in me. ;)  

Trying:  To think more before I speak...!  

Buying (besides books, lol):  A new wireless Canon printer to replace my old one, which I loved but is now 10-15 years old & doesn't print colours properly anymore. $129 at Best Buy, but on sale for $39 at Staples. :)   (And I managed to set it up myself, without having to call my sister's tech expert boyfriend!!) (Of course, buying the replacement ink cartridges will cost more than the printer itself....)  

Also: a couple of T-shirts at Zara, and a tube of facial scrub at the Estee Lauder counter (it was gift with purchase time, which I always find irresistible, lol).  

Wanting:  All the new fall books I'm looking forward to reading to be available NOW!!  lol  

Enduring: The crowds of back-to-school shoppers & people cramming activities into the last days of summer vacation, who have been EVERYWHERE this past week, as well as the trickle of back-to-school/off-to-college posts on social media (which will turn into an avalanche on Tuesday after the long weekend...!).  Looking forward to later next week, when things should start to taper off and return to "normal"...! 

Missing: FIL. I know dh especially is feeling at loose ends, since he used to go visit FIL once a week or so on a weekday afternoon (and more frequently as his health declined), in addition to our Saturday night visits several times a month, along with BIL & SIL (and sometimes the nephews).  

Feeling:  Sad that the summer is almost over... and yet relieved, because so much of it sucked. :p  Happy that I'll be seeing my family within just a few weeks (not to mention Paul McCartney, lol).  

Loving:  Our family.  :)