"Confessions of a Forty-something" by Alexandra Potter

January's pick for the Gateway Women/NoMo book club is "Confessions of a Forty-Something" by Alexandra Potter. (Some editions use the full/original title, "Confessions of a Forty-Something F###-Up." ;)  )(We North Americans seem to be more squeamish than the Brits about the F-word, even an edited version, lol.) 

I managed to find a paperback copy of this book at my local mega-bookstore, before the latest lockdown, although it's also available in e-formats. It's a rather fat volume, with a daunting 512 pages (!!) -- albeit the copy is well spaced, in a generously large, easy-read font, and not every page includes a full page of copy (short chapters). 

I must admit, I was sold on this book right from the prologue, which welcomes "any woman who wonders how the hell she got here, and why life isn't quite how she imagined it was going to be." 

The next chapter/section -- "January" -- begins with the narrator's admission that "it's my birthday soon." -- well, I started this book on New Year's Day, with my 60th (gulp) birthday looming. 

And then, a little further down the page, the author used the word "comprises" -- correctly. Well! Be still my beating heart! lol  ;)  

(As the resident grammar guru at my office, I got asked by a senior manager once whether "comprised" or "composed" was the correct usage in a document we were reviewing.  I had no idea -- but I looked up the difference, and it's stuck with me since then. Of course, since then, I've seen "comprise" EVERYWHERE... used incorrectly, of course...!  But, I digress...)

The plot:  "Forty-something" Penelope (Nell) Stevens is back in England, after the business she ran with her fiance in California -- and their engagement -- went bust. But a lot has changed since she left. Her friends are now married with children and leading busy, Instagram-worthy lives, while Nell rents a room in a stranger's house, writes obituaries to pay the rent (on top of a loan from her father) and gingerly navigates the world of online dating. The book covers Nell's first year back in London, as she tries to get her life back on track. 

Anyone who's ever been single &/or childless in their 40s (& beyond), &/or found themselves living a life they had not planned for will recognize themselves in this book and in Nell.  It's full of spot-on observations and painfully familiar situations. It's also frequently hilarious. (The Brits do this kind of book better than anyone, I think...!) It's pretty obvious where the story is going (although, happily, it does NOT end with a miracle baby!).  But getting there is sure a whole lot of fun. :)  I enjoyed this book enormously.  (And I would love to see Judi Dench play Cricket, the 80-something widow Nell befriends, in a movie/TV adaptation, lol.)  

5 stars on Goodreads. (I debated, 4 or 5?  And I finally settled on 5, because I really did enjoy this book a lot.)

Lisa, who hosts the GW book club and recommends books for childless women in her blog, has organized a Zoom meeting for club members on Saturday, Jan. 23, which will include a conversation with "Confessions" author Alexandra Potter. Details on the Gateway Women blog here.  (It's going to be a WEE bit too early for me -- 5 a.m. my time! -- but those of you in Europe and perhaps Australia/New Zealand might be interested in tuning in!)  

This was Book #2 read to date in 2021 (and Book #2 finished in January), bringing me to 6% of my 2021 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 36 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 2 books ahead of schedule. :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2021 tagged as "2021 books." 

#MicroblogMondays: "The Simpsons" & childlessness

I knew almost immediately from the first minute or two of "The Simpsons" last night (season 32, episode 11, "The Dad-Feelings Limited") that the episode was being set up as a "parents vs childless" thing (which "The Simpsons" has done before). 

I was right. 

I may not get all the fine details right here, pulling them from my memory, but here's how the story unfolded:  Homer & Marge spend Saturday morning shepherding their kids to umpteen exhausting birthday parties full of screaming children, while Comic Book Guy & his Japanese wife Kumiko enjoy a leisurely breakfast, doing whatever they want.  Desperate to get out (& away from the kids), Homer & Marge wind up at Moe's for trivia night where their table/teammates are... Comic Book Guy & Kumiko. They're a perfect team, filling in each others' knowledge gaps. 

At the Simpsons house, baby Maggie starts crying upstairs, and Marge asks Kumiko to get her. Kumiko protests that she knows nothing about babies. Of course, as soon as she picks up Maggie, she falls in love with her, and as soon as she gets back home, she demands that Comic Book Guy make a baby with her. Comic Book Guy protests that he doesn't want kids. (You think they would have discussed this before they got married??)  There's a hilarious line to the effect that he can't have kids with all these toys in the house (!).  

After spending time with the Simpson kids (at an outdoor movie screening... at the cemetery?!!), he retreats to his childhood home, and we are treated to Comic Book Guy's backstory. His dad (voiced by Dan Aykroyd!) is known as "Postage Stamp Fellow," and there's also a bunch of eccentric (childless, of course...) aunts & uncles who collect various things. After resolving his childhood trauma, Comic Book Guy decides he is ready to be a father. (!) 

I said, "I knew it!"  Dh rolled his eyes and reminded me "It's just a cartoon!" 

I do generally enjoy "The Simpsons" (albeit not as much as dh...!) -- it's full of clever writing and sharp social commentary. But its depiction of childless characters is frequently stereotypical and often leaves a great deal to be desired (even while it sends it up the foibles of parenthood and the idea of the Simpsons as an "ideal" family). Consider some of the childless characters on the show: bartender Moe, hapless salesman Gil, Marge's sisters Patty & Selma (until she adopts Chinese baby Ling), the Crazy Cat Lady, Bart's teacher Edna Krabapple (in earlier seasons)... 

Did you see the episode? (Do you watch "The Simpsons"?)  What do you think?  

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

Delurk!

Melissa at Stirrup Queens has reminded us that it's International Blog Delurking Week. :)  Says Mel: 

"The first full week of January (January 3 – 9, 2021) is when we’re supposed to slither out of the reading closet and check in with an “I’m here” comment. I’m not sure if anyone does this anymore. Back in the olden days, people would pop up out of the woodwork. Nowadays, not so much.

"So let’s see what happens."

I've taken part in Delurking Week, on & off over the 13 years I've been blogging (related posts now tagged here), and it's always fun to see old friends, occasional commenters and previously silent lurkers come out of the woodwork to say hello. 

So -- come out, come out, wherever you are -- say hello (at least) and, if you like, tell me/us something about yourself. As always, I'm curious -- how did you find me, & how long have you been reading (if you remember)? 

"Hoax" by Brian Stelter

My first completed book of 2021 is "Hoax: Donald Trump, Fox News, and the Dangerous Distortion of Truth" by Brian Stelter, CNN's chief media correspondent and the anchor of "Reliable Sources," CNN's Sunday morning show about the media & how the news gets reported (and -- as a one-time reporter myself -- a personal favourite of mine). 

(ALI sidenote:  Brian & his wife Jamie are very open about the fact that their two children were born via IVF. Jamie has also had multiple miscarriages.) 

"Hoax" is a somewhat gossipy yet in-depth look at Fox News in the Trump era -- the sycophantic relationship that developed between the network and the president, and the ongoing battle between Fox's news and "programming"/opinion sides -- the Chris Wallaces of the network versus the Sean Hannitys & Tucker Carlsons, if you will.  

Stelter interviewed more than 250 current and former Fox News staffers for this book. Most of them chose to remain anonymous, and the book would obviously have been better, had more of them agreed to be named. Nevertheless, the sheer volume of voices corroborating each other paints a pretty damning picture.

The book was published in late August 2020, and ends well before the 2020 election campaign really got under way. Apparently Stelter is updating the book for the paperback version, to be published in May. Meanwhile, Trump and his hardcore supporters, having been radicalized by Fox and now finding it not sufficiently deferential to/supportive of Trump (!!), are turning away from the network to follow OANN and Newsmax instead. I'll be interested to read Stelter's take on these last few months! 

4 stars on Goodreads 

This was Book #1 read to date in 2021 (Book #1 finished in January), bringing me to 3% of my 2021 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 36 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 1 book ahead of schedule. :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2021 tagged as "2021 books." 

Right now

Right now... (an occasional (mostly monthly) meme, alternating from time to time with "The Current"). (Explanation of how this started & my inspirations in my first "Right now" post, here. Also my first "The Current" post, here.)

December was Full Month #9 (going on #10) of life in the age of COVID-19. We (= the region I live in near Toronto) went back under lockdown on Dec. 14th. Initially, that was to be a four-week period -- but a week later on Dec. 21st, an even stricter lockdown was announced for the entire province, beginning on Dec. 26th.  All non-essential retail businesses must shut down. In southern Ontario, they will remain closed until (at least) Jan. 23rd. The northern part of the province, where case rates are not quite so high, is scheduled to reopen two weeks earlier. (That's the plan, anyway...!)    

On top of dh's usual weekly trips to the supermarket for groceries and for takeout dinners on Saturday nights, we ventured out together once for haircuts*;  once to the bank and the bookstore (before everything closed up again); once to the drugstore/postal outlet (to buy stamps for my Christmas cards and a few other things);  and three times, briefly & masked, to BIL's -- on Older Nephew's birthday, on Christmas Eve to deliver presents -- without seeing Little Great Nephew, who was napping :(  -- and on New Year's Eve afternoon/yesterday, when we did finally get to see him!  

Otherwise, we've continued to stay close to home.

* (Gahhhh!! -- our next haircuts would usually be on or around Jan. 15th -- waiting an extra week for the lockdown to end won't be TOO bad, but hopefully it won't go much longer than that again!!) 

*** *** ***

Reading: I read 4 books in December (reviewed on this blog & tagged “2020 books”):

• "The Young Clementina" by D.E. Stevenson (for my DES online group). 
• "Cathy's Christmas Kitchen" by (the Gateway Women book club pick for December). 
• "A Christmas Carol" by Charles Dickens -- I listened in/watched on Facebook live as members of the East Pointers band read the book aloud, chapter by chapter, over five nights. 
• "The Midnight Library" by Matt Haig (the Gateway Women book club pick for November -- which I actually read after the December selection, above...!).  

I closed out 2020 with a total of 43 books read, bringing me to 143% of my 2020 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 30 books. I completed & then exceeded my challenge goal for the year by 13 books, 14 books ahead of schedule. :)  (Not quite as good as the 50 books I read in 2019 -- and I started counting re-reads this year too! -- but not bad either!)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2020 tagged as "2020 books." 

I have increased my 2021 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal to 36 books ( = 3 books per month, on average). 

Current read(s):   

• "Hoax" by Brian Stelter (which I began earlier this fall, set aside for a while and then picked up again recently...).  
• "The Blue Castle" by L.M. Montgomery (read & reviewed on my own in August, now reading along & discussing with my L.M. Montgomery Readathon group on Facebook)(and enjoying it hugely!).  
• "The Young Clementina" by D.E. Stevenson (I read it through for myself -- counted above -- and am now re-reading chapter by chapter and discussing with my DES online group). 

Coming up: 

• "Confessions of a Forty-Something F###-Up" by Alexandra Potter (the January GW book club pick). 

A few recently purchased titles (in both digital and paper formats):   

• "The Chicken Sisters" by K.J. Dell'Antonia
• "Relax, Dammit!"  by Timothy Caulfield. 
• "Maybe You Should Talk to Someone" by Lori Gottlieb 
• "Save Me the Plums" by Ruth Reichl 
• "I Like to Watch" by Emily Nussbaum 
• "White Ivy" by Susie Yang 

Watching:  Not much...!  Dh has been watching a lot of NFL football -- which does not interest me in the least. :p   

I slogged my way through my first Hallmark Christmas movie on Boxing Day -- "Project Christmas Wish" -- see my review here, lol. 

Our "Downton Abbey" reruns went through season 1 again (which we had not yet seen) and then ended abruptly there, just before Christmas, to be replaced by holiday programming. It's not clear whether it will be returning in reruns again in January or whether something else will replace it...?  

Jody Day of Gateway Women recently hosted another Zoom conversation with a panel of childless elders, which was an absolute delight to watch!  

Listening:  We found a Stingray music station that played just holiday songs on our roster of cable channels that was nice to listen to over Christmas. :)  And I caught up to date with episodes of "The Full Stop" podcast.

Following:  A new podcast called "Happy and Childless," with Gateway Women's Jody Day as the first guest. The sound is a bit glitchy, but (as always) Jody is well worth listening to!  

Eating/Drinking:  I found my Christmas baking mojo! -- which was a good thing. I knew if I wanted any of the Christmas goodies I grew up with & love (and look forward to eating), I had to make them myself this year, lol.  I made three kinds of Christmas cookies. We took a couple dozen of each to BIL & the nephews, but there was still plenty left for dh & me to munch on over the holidays. :)  

For Christmas Day dinner, we got another turkey breast roast, similar to the one we had for (Canadian) Thanksgiving.  This time, we got one with stuffing in the centre. It was pretty good -- certainly better than Stovetop Stuffing...!  

Buying (besides books, lol):  Not much!  I ordered myself two new necklaces (including a lovely crystal snowflake pendant) & a pair of crystal earrings from my favourite local sterling silver jewelry artisan. They arrived just before Christmas, so I was able to wear the snowflake & earrings on Christmas Eve. 

Dh's Kobo e-reader conked out on him just after Christmas (at least, the backlight on it did, making it more difficult to read), so I ordered a new one for him online and arranged for curbside pickup at our local mega-bookstore the next day (which is closed, at least to walk-in traffic, under our current lockdown). (I got him to join Goodreads for New Year's too!) 

Wearing: Perhaps I should write about what I'm NOT wearing these days (besides proper pants! and a bra! lol).  I haven't worn a watch regularly in months (after wearing one almost every day since I got my first Timex watch for my 8th birthday).  The battery in my everyday watch ran out last summer, and we haven't been back to the mall (even when it was open) to get it replaced. I do have another watch that I've put on when we've gone out, but it's big & heavy -- I prefer the other one. 

I haven't been wearing my wedding & engagement rings either, unless we're going out. I have remembered to put in a pair of simple stud earrings... most days...! 

Sleeping:  A little better lately (for whatever reason?), thankfully! 

Trying:  To be patient as we wait our turns to get the COVID-19 vaccine... (probably later this spring or early summer...) 

Wanting/Hoping for:  Better things in 2021...!  

Loving:  Our Christmas tree (which is still up, and probably will be until sometime early/mid-next week, perhaps until after Epiphany/Ukrainian Christmas). Having that extra bit of light glowing from the corner of the room when it's dark & gloomy outside lifts my spirits. 

(I have a friend who loves Christmas & does a Christmas countdown every year... starting in January!  lol  She reminds us every single month how many months until Christmas, and once we get to November, she starts counting down the days. The thing I find really hilarious, though, is that -- after all that build-up -- her tree and all her decorations come down promptly on Boxing Day! She does have a real tree every year, and I know they get dried out & messy, etc. -- but still...!)    

Feeling:  Thankful that 2020 is finally over!! (2021 HAS to be at least a little better... hasn't it?)  

A bit apprehensive about the long, dreary winter months ahead of us, now that the fun of Christmas is over with. 

In denial that I'm going to be (gulp!) SIXTY YEARS OLD in less than two weeks...!!  (Wishing: That I could be spending it on a beach somewhere... oh well...! Remembering: That old age is a privilege denied to many, particularly in this pandemic year and... Counting: My blessings...) 

2020 Blogging Year in Review

(A hat tip to Mali, whose post "2016: Looking back on the blog" has inspired me to do the same for the past several years. Also to Mel, whose Crème de la Crème lists from 2007 to 2012 prompted me & other bloggers to review our posts from the year past & pick out our favourites to share.  (There was a list in 2006 too, but that was before I started my blog.)  If the Crème de la Crème list still existed, one of these posts would probably be the one I would have submitted. :) ) 

*** *** *** 

2020 has been my BEST blogging year ever, in terms of numbers of posts! -- 196 (197, including this one)!  -- just under 200 posts!!  :) That's an average of about 16 posts per month -- or a post every 1-2 days.  My least-chatty month was February, when I posted 9 times;  my most verbose was August, with 21 posts. Not bad, after 13 years of blogging!  (By comparison, my next-most prolific blogging year was 12 years ago in 2008 -- my first full year of blogging -- when I logged 172 posts.) 

In addition to posts about or related to childless/free issues or other adoption/loss/infertility issues, I tried to do a "Right now" or "The Current" post at the beginning of each month, and participated in 48 #MicroblogMondays.  I reviewed all 43 books that I read in 2020, and wrote about news items (usually ALI-related) that piqued my interest. I also wrote a lot about other things going on in my life, including aging, (peri)menopause, retirement and condo living. 

And, needless to say, the global COVID-19 pandemic provided PLENTY of fodder for blogging this year!! In fact, I daresay that COVID-19 made the difference for me, in terms of posting! (one good thing to come out of this crazy year?!). 

Here are a few of my favourite/noteworthy posts from 2020, in more or less chronological order (from oldest/earliest in 2020 to most recent):

• "The Cycle Continues..." -- Sometimes it's worth investigating and getting the full story before you get your shorts in a knot...!  ;) 
• #MicroblogMondays: Sick :(  -- Spoiler alert: I wasn't. At least, it wasn't COVID-19, as I feared. (I think. I didn't get tested.) But this post offers a slice-of-life look at the early days of the pandemic in Canada (complete with photo of empty supermarket shelves). 
• "Quarantined without kids, how is it?" (Seriously??!) -- A silly pronatalist meme from social media raises my childless/free hackles...! 
• A not-so-fond farewell :) -- ..to Aunt Flo (i.e., the onset of official menopause!!). 
• Things I'm missing -- (And this was written just a month into the pandemic!). 
• Things I’ve learned (so far) while self-isolating
• Is it over yet? -- Reminders (that I didn't need) of That Day in May That Shall Not Be Named. 
• Pronatalism and D&I messaging -- Yet another example of how childless/free employees are overlooked by their companies' HR diversity & inclusion policies and messages -- particularly during this pandemic. 
• Reflections on my COVID-19 experience (so far) 
• Watching, listening & learning -- Reflections on racism, post-George Floyd. 
• Move over, moms -- bring on the Auntifa ;) -- The childless/free response to Portland's "Wall of Moms." 
• "A sainthood not extended... virtue (not) bestowed" -- More on Portland's "Wall of Moms" and what it says about America's attitudes towards motherhood -- and those of us who aren't mothers. 
• "Coming out" as childless/free -- What does it mean? 
• The ties that bind (or not) -- It's not possible (or always desirable) to maintain close relationships with people from our past. 
• Yes, we can! -- Don't let parents & families monopolize all the fun. ;)  

2020 Reading Year in Review

Most of this information in this post comes directly from my "2020 Year in  Review" post.  Since I was doing an overall 2020 review post, and a blogging year in review post (coming up!)... and since keeping track of my books is a big thing I do on my blog, I thought that deserved its own post too, lol.  :) 

• I increased my Goodreads Reading Challenge goal from 24 books in 2019 to 30 books this year, and reached it by mid-August. I will finish out the year with 43 books to my credit, 143% of my goal. (All books read were reviewed on this blog under the tag "2020 books"). Not quite as good as the 50 books I read in 2019 -- and my 2020 total includes re-reads too! -- but not bad either! 
• Once again this year, non-fiction choices outnumbered fiction (but just barely -- 22 to 21). 
• My library book club held its last meeting in late February -- just before the pandemic hit -- but online, the Gateway Women book club, D.E. Stevenson fan group and L.M. Montgomery Readathon on Facebook have helped boost my 2020 reading totals and provided me with a lot of reading/discussion pleasure during a very difficult year.  
• I read 1 book for the library book club, 5 for GW, 6 for DES (3 different books, including 2 re-reads) and 5 for the L.M. Montgomery Readathon (e different books, including 2 re-reads).
• (As I mentioned above,) I began counting re-reads in my challenge total, which also helped to boost my reading totals. 
• Since I reached 30 books fairly easily this year (by mid-August), I've decided to increase my Goodreads Reading Challenge goal modestly to 36 books ( = 3 books per month on average) for 2021. 
• This year, I reached 36 books by late October. I also reached the 36-book mark in October 2019, my best reading year since I started keeping track (50 books total).  So we'll see how I do in 2021...! 

• It's always very hard for me to pick a single book as "the best," and I gave lots of books four and five-star reviews on Goodreads! (Four stars was my average Goodreads rating this year.) I must admit, though, that there was one clear standout for me this year -- and that was "The Dutch House by Ann Patchett. It was one of the first books I read in 2020, and it remained at the top of my "best" list all year long!  I have recommended it to many people!