- A year ago on Friday, my mom's only sibling/my uncle passed away.
- Since mid-January, Mom has lost three cousins, another cousin's husband, and a close friend/longtime coworker.
- And then, on Friday morning, her church burned down.
- AND there was a murder in her quiet little Minnesota hometown.
- This morning was Bamberlamb's funeral in the UK. (I wrote about her passing -- on Valentine's Day -- here.) A mutual friend who was there representing the Childless Collective said it was "a marvellous sendoff" and very well attended, standing room only, with lots of people dressed in purple, Bamberlamb's favourite colour.
- Obviously I wasn't able to attend -- but I was wearing purple that day (as I know a few of you were too!) (See the photo below.)
- Miss you, dear Bamberlamb. 💜
- This afternoon (as I was writing this post!), I found out I'd lost ANOTHER friend. In fact, she died right around the time of Bamberlamb's funeral -- a fellow loss mom from our old support group. Her daughter posted the news on Facebook -- along with a pre-written final message from her mom.
- I've known this woman for 20+ years, since she & her husband started coming to our support group after the loss of their son. Several of us became fast friends: we attended support group meetings and events together (the annual picnic & memorial butterfly release, holiday candlelighting service, autumn Walk to Remember), threw subsequent baby showers for each other, scrapbooked together and, for several years in a row, had an annual pre-Christmas dinner out together.
- Her story is not mine to tell, but suffice to say -- as if losing a child wasn't crap enough to deal with -- she's faced one health challenge after another in recent years with incredible bravery and tenacity.
- I hope she rests in peace, because if anyone ever deserved a good rest, it's her. :(
- And, oh yeah, the U.S. elected a lunatic leader who has been trying to destroy/take over my country since taking office in mid-January. :( Fun times (not)....
Monday, March 17, 2025
Can we get a break, universe?
#MicroblogMondays: Letting go... bit by bit
When the results came back "normal," in late July (1998), I finally felt like I could start shopping. But by then, shower plans were underway for the September long weekend, and I was instructed not to buy too much yet; I was going to get a ton of stuff at the party. (Which was never held.)
As a result, my mementos of that time have been few. They mostly fit in two plastic bins that sit in the spare bedroom/office closet, and a large hatbox on the upper shelf of our bedroom closet. (Plus a smaller, shoebox-sized plastic bin full of artificial flowers, hanging ornaments and other decorations, both seasonal and general, for Katie's niche at the cemetery.)
At one time, I couldn't have imagined letting go of any of it... but over time, little by little, I have actually sent a few things off to the thrift store. I got rid of most of my pregnancy & infertility books years ago (I kept my copy of "What To Expect While You're Expecting" as a "souvenir"), and I finally let go of most of my maternity clothes when we downsized from a house to our condo, 9 (!) years ago now (18 years after they were last worn). I did keep the outfit I'd been wearing when I went to my ob-gyn's office for my six-month checkup that fateful day in August 1998, as well as two or three pretty dresses that I'd loved.
And... in one of those two plastic bins, I kept the one major thing I did buy for our baby in that brief interval between the good news and the absolute worst: a Classic Pooh themed bedding set, including a comforter, fitted sheet, bumper pads (which aren't even used any more), bedskirt and window valance, as well as two rolls of a matching wallpaper border. (We had to order the border, and it didn't arrive until after the funeral. I couldn't bring myself to open the box for about five years -- and I used to joke that it would be funny if I waited all that time, only to find out it was the wrong paper!)(It WAS the right one!)
I guess I've been in a bit of a spring cleaning mood, because I recently combed through the my (overstuffed) closet and armoire recently and pulled out enough old or seldom-worn items of clothing to fill a large plastic garbage bag. And then I did something I'd been contemplating for a while. I decided I could (finally) part with the bedding set (almost 27 years after we bought it!). I asked dh what he thought, and he agreed it was time.
It was still in the original Sears bag (note: Sears closed all its Canadian stores in 2017), inside that plastic bin in the spare bedroom/office closet. I took everything out of the bag, set aside the folder with the sales receipt inside to keep (we got everything on sale! $177 Canadian!!), and took a few photos before I put it all back into the bag and into the pile of stuff for the thrift store. We dropped it all off on Friday morning.
I felt a little sad.
But no tears were shed.
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| The comforter -- still in its original packaging. |
You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.
Tuesday, March 11, 2025
Odds & ends
- Today is FIVE YEARS (!) since the World Health Organization declared the covid-19 pandemic. You can read all my pandemic-related posts -- from the beginning to present day -- under the label "COVID-19 pandemic." (I've been re-reading some of my posts from those early days of March 2020... surreal...)
- Lisa Sibbett at "The Auntie Bulletin" examines the classic movie musical "Mary Poppins" and the lessons it contains for aunties, in "The Moral of Mary Poppins."
- My mom took my sister & me to see the movie when it (finally) came to the small town where we were living in Saskatchewan, in 1966. For Christmas that year, we got a record player, along with an LP of the movie soundtrack, as well as an album of Julie Andrews singing Christmas carols. (For my 6th birthday a few weeks later, I got "Herman's Hermits Greatest Hits Volume 2" -- which I still have!)
- My high school drama club did "Mary Poppins" as our spring musical the year I was in Grade 11 (in the late 1970s). (Our music teacher wrote Disney to ask about the script and sheet music -- she got some music, but no script, and wound up writing her own, based on a Disney novelization of the movie for children. In hindsight, knowing Disney's firm copyright grip on its properties these days, I find this amazing. I guess they weren't quite as strict on these points back then...!)
- I was cast as Mrs. Banks and, I am proud to report, got to sing "Sister Suffragettes." :) (My feminist credentials have deep roots, lol.)
- "Adoption and Fostering Are Not a Cure for Infertility:" Lisa Kissane shares her personal experience with fostering in "Life Without Children."
- On International Women's Day, Jody Day of Gateway Women reminds us (on her Substack) that "It's International Women's Day... not International Mother's Day!"
- Also on IWD: the Toronto Star is featuring this story: "Revenge of the ‘childless cat lady’: New research shows single women are the happiest people in the world." (The research comes from the University of Toronto.) I realize that not ALL single women are happy about that status (and the article does nod to that), but it's an upbeat look at a subject that is so often mired in stereotypes.
- Happily, the Star recently instituted gift articles for paid subscribers (of which I am one!) Enjoy!
- Jessica Grose, who covers family, religion, education & culture issues for the New York Times, recently wrote in her newsletter about falling birth rates and how to create a more pro-child culture. One of her key points: that shaming childfree people is NOT the way to do it. The article focuses on childfree people (vs childless), but I think it's worth a read. (**CONTENT WARNING: the article is illustrated with a photo of a baby.** )
- There are a couple of other items, including a bit of commentary about the pronatalist movement. And, at the end, a part you may or may not want to skip, about a comedian whose new Netflix special is called "The Mother Lode."
- Labels -- and how unsatisfactory they are -- is a topic that I know many of my CNBC peers grapple with, especially early in their journey. The third post I ever published here (in early November 2007) was on this subject: "Am I childLESS or childFREE?" It's also the topic of Y.L. Wolfe's latest Substack post too: "I Used to Call Myself Childless…But I've Realized I Might Be Childfree, Too."
- Wolfe also muses on how her feelings on certain labels have changed over time -- and how, the older she gets, the more she resists being labelled by others. I can relate to that too.
Monday, March 10, 2025
#MicroblogMondays: A shower (no umbrella)
Weddings are always sentimental occasions, but this one holds an extra layer of meaning for me. The groom is 7 months older than Kate would have been; I was newly pregnant and "out" about it at his mom's baby shower. I don't know how old the bride is, but I imagine she is more or less the same age as he is (and as Katie would have been). It's hard to comprehend that Katie would be 27 (!) this year -- likely done with her education by now, out & about in the working world, perhaps living on her own, perhaps also newly engaged or even married. She'd be older now than I was when I got married (I was 24).
Generally, I enjoy weddings -- and I'm sure I'll wind up enjoying this one too, in the end (at least parts of it) -- but needless to say, I'm (already) feeling an extra bit of angst when I think about it...
You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.
Sunday, March 9, 2025
"The Siege of Krishnapur" by J.G. Farrell
"The Siege of Krishnapur" is one of three volumes examining the decline of the British Empire. The other two include "Troubles," about the Easter 1916 rebellion in Ireland, and "The Singapore Grip," which takes place just before World War II. They have been added to my reading list!
3.5 stars on StoryGraph, rounded up to 4 on Goodreads.
Our next F&T slow read will be "A Place of Greater Safety" (about the French Revolution) by Hilary Mantel, beginning May 5th and running for 20 weeks through the summer and early fall.
This was Book #8 read to date in 2025 (and Book #1 finished in March), bringing me to 18% of my 2025 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) on track to meet my goal. :) You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2025 tagged as "2025 books."
Monday, March 3, 2025
#MicroblogMondays: Odds & ends
- Pronatalism much?? I remember thinking that when I read a few weeks ago about the U.S. Department of Transportation's new order to give funding priority to communities with “marriage and birth rates higher than the national average.” (!!) I filed it away mentally to include as an item in a future blog post, and was reminded of it again when Lyz Lenz drew attention to it in a recent Substack post: "Make America Isolated Again." Have a read (but take your blood pressure medication first!)(joking/not joking).
- Pronatalism much (part 2)?? As has been my habit since I was, oh, about 10 years old, I watched the Oscars on Sunday night (even though I'd only seen one of the nominated movies, "Conclave"). I mostly enjoyed the show, with one major exception. I hear "A Real Pain" is really great, and that Kieran Culkin deserved the Best Supporting Actor statuette he won -- but did anyone else cringe when he called out his wife in his acceptance speech and reminded her that she now "owes" (!) him not just one but TWO MORE KIDS?? (!!) Ugh...
- I've been enjoying Lisa Sibbett's Substack, "The Auntie Bulletin." A recent post outlined her strategic plan for 2025 & beyond. Worth a read, and lots to look forward to!
- Friendship issues are huge for those of us living without the children we wanted: navigating the inevitable changes that happen when all our friends are having babies (and then grandchildren...!), how to make new friends when your old friends seem to abandon you for other mothers, etc. This Substack post by Hailey Caulfield of "The Waiting Room" addresses some of these issues: "The space between us: Friendship, change, and the unspoken grief of growing apart."
- Life coach & podcast host Lana Manikowski also has a Substack: "Childless. So Now What?" Most of the posts I've read to date are short but very much on the mark. From a recent post, "Never Be the Same":
People love to say, “Everything happens for a reason,” but I found no comfort in those words. The truth is, some things just happen. Some dreams don’t come true. And sometimes, life takes a turn we never saw coming. But does that mean we’re destined to live a mediocre life? To settle for a version of ourselves that feels lesser than?No. Absolutely not.
- Glynnis MacNicol (who is childfree by choice and wrote the wonderful memoir "No One Tells You This" -- reviewed here) revisits the 1978 Jill Clayburgh movie "An Unmarried Woman" in this Substack post. (I remember seeing it, years ago, albeit not a lot about it, other than that it was really good. I'd love to see it again although, as MacNicol points out, that's sadly easier said than done.) Says MacNicol:
One of the reasons I keep returning to it, is that it’s one of the rare films, or television series, that allows a woman a happy ending that doesn’t involve marriage or a child. Another is that it’s a near perfect film. Jill Clayburgh’s performance is one of the best.
(FYI, Clayburgh's character does have a daughter in the movie. Also of note: she was nominated for an Oscar for the role, but lost to Jane Fonda in "Coming Home.")
Saturday, March 1, 2025
Right now
Right now...*
*(an occasional (mostly monthly) meme, alternating from time to time with "The Current"). (Explanation of how this started & my inspirations in my first "Right now" post, here. Also my first "The Current" post, here.)
February was (like January) grey, chilly -- and snowy. The first week of February hadn't even ended, and dh & I were admitting to each other that we'd already had enough of winter! Mother Nature, of course, always gets the last laugh. We had about 60 cm of snow -- about 2 feet! -- in the space of one week, mid-month -- more than we had all of last winter, and the most we've had in several years! It's taken forever to get everyone dug out -- and we've had more snow since then too!
It was also a pretty dark month, in terms of current North American & world events. :(
Pandemic diary/update: February was month #59 (marking almost FIVE full years, going on SIX!) since the covid pandemic began in March 2020. :( We (still!) remain covid-free (so far as we know... knocking wood, loudly...). We still mask in stores, malls and (most) other such indoor public spaces hereabouts, especially if/when there are lots of people around. (Well, I do -- I know dh does not, when I'm not around to hand him a mask...!)
- (I) Appeared on the Full Stop podcast (along with the lovely Sandra McNicol) to talk about pregnancy loss & childlessness! (The episode was actually recorded in late January, but I didn't want to post about it here until it was "live" -- which was on Feb. 2nd.)
- Went to the nearby mall to do some walking and shopping (then returned home for lunch) on Feb. 4th, 11th, 18th & 25th.
- Made a trip to the bookstore (mostly to shop for Valentine stuff for the great-niblings, as well as some cards), with a stop at the drugstore en route home (Feb. 6th).
- Picked up SIL & drove up to see Older Nephew & family for the afternoon, including the baby (Feb. 9th). (BIL was in NYC with friends to watch the Super Bowl!)
- Stopped at Canadian Tire for a few things (it's more than just tires!) en route home from the mall, and then at the drugstore to pick up dh's prescriptions (Feb. 11th).
- Went out for brunch on Valentine's Day (Feb. 14th -- first meal in a restaurant with just the two of us in quite a while! -- see "Eating," below), followed by a stop at the bank, a browse at the bookstore, and a stop at the supermarket (which -- Friday, Valentine's Day, long weekend, etc. -- was an absolute NUTHOUSE!).
- Stopped at the supermarket to pick up a few groceries and some takeout soup for lunch, en route home from the mall (Feb. 18th & 25th).
- Went to BIL's on Saturday, Feb. 22nd: Older Nephew & his wife were going out for an early dinner & asked his parents if they'd look after the kids -- and they called us to come over. Enjoyed spending time with both Little Great-Nephews! (I even got to hold LGN #2 for almost an hour!)
- Went to a nearby community centre to vote in the Ontario provincial election on Feb. 27th, and then to the supermarket to pick up some takeout soup for lunch.
- "The Mad Woman's Ball" by Victoria Mas -- the March book for my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club. (3-3.5 stars; my review.)
- "The Mermaid of Black Conch" by Monique Roffey, the April selection for my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club. (4 -4.5 stars; my review.)
- "Intermezzo" by Sally Rooney, the current book for the Culture Study (Europe) online book club. (The story of how I came to join yet ANOTHER book club is included in my review, here. 4 stars.)
- "The Wedding People" by Alison Espach. (4-4.5 stars; my review.)
- "The Siege of Krishnapur" by J. G. Farrell -- the first new Footnotes and Tangents slow readalong for 2025, which started Jan. 13th, for 9 weeks, ending in March. Currently 75% completed.
- "Peter West" by D.E. Stevenson -- the one DES book my group has NOT read together, in its 25+ years of existence! I read this in advance of our group read, which began Jan. 13th and runs through late March. Currently 70% completed. I'll count this one as a re-read when we're done. (2-2.5 stars; my review.)
- "Anne of Windy Poplars" by L.M. Montgomery (called "Anne of Windy Willows" in the U.K., with some text variations). My L.M. Montgomery Readathon Facebook group started reading & discussing this book together today (Jan. 6th). This will be our last book with our wonderful administrator of the past five (!) years, Andrea, who is moving on to other projects. I just (re)read this one right at this time last year, so I chose not to read it through (again) on my own first (as I normally would), but I will count this one as a re-read when we're done. (My previous review here.) Currently 39% completed.
- "Living the Life Unexpected" by Jody Day. I'm once again taking part in a chapter-by-chapter group read of this CNBC classic! The most recent Zoom meeting covered Chapter 7. This is the 5th (!) time I've read this book, or the earlier version of it ("Rocking the Life Unexpected"). (Most recent review, with links to earlier reviews, here.)
- "L.M. Montgomery and Gender," an essay collection edited by E. Holly Pike & Laura Robinson. Slowly working my way through, in between the other books...!
- For my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club: Books for May and onward to be determined.
- For my D.E. Stevenson group: This list of upcoming books should keep us busy through 2025 or even into early 2026! (A couple of the books are ones we covered shortly after I first joined the group back in 2014 -- you know you've been around for a while when....!)
- Miss Buncle Married (original 2015 review here). Starting in March/April.
- The Two Mrs. Abbotts (original 2015 review here).
- Crooked Adam
- The Four Graces (original 2015 review here).
- Footnotes and Tangents slow readalongs planned for 2025 include:
- "A Place of Greater Safety" by Hilary Mantel -- starts May 5th, for 20 weeks.
- "Things Fall Apart" by Chinua Achebe -- starts Sept. 29th, for 5 weeks.
- "The Blue Flower" by Penelope Fitzgerald -- starts Nov. 3rd, for 7 weeks.
(Simon is a big fan of the late great Hilary Mantel, and the other books he's selected were all ones that she loved, so he figured they would probably be worth reading!)
- Culture Study (Europe): next book TBA.
A few recently purchased titles (all in digital format, mostly discounted ($5-10 or less) or purchased with points):
- "The Right Kind of White" by Garrett Bucks
- "The Frozen River" by Ariel Lawhon
- "Brothers" by Alex Van Halen
- "A Nation Worth Ranting About" by Rick Mercer
- "Saturday Night" by Doug Hill & Jeff Weingrad
- "Who Could Ever Love You" by Mary L. Trump
- Way too much CNN and CBC News Network!! :p (Trying to pare back, for the sake of my mental health...!)
- A new season of "Finding Your Roots" on PBS.
- Figure skating: Bits of the European and Four Continents championships. (Worlds coming up in March!)
- A Ken Burns two-part documentary about Thomas Jefferson on PBS, first shown in 1997 but recently digitally restored.
- The "Saturday Night Live" 50th anniversary special on Feb. 16th (all 3.5 hours of it!!), which I wrote about here. (Also the SNL music documentary produced by Questlove, which was shown on TV in late January.)
- The Oscar-nominated movie "Conclave," starring Ralph Fiennes & Stanley Tucci, on Amazon Prime, while at BIL's on Feb. 22nd (waiting for the kids to arrive!). Excellent performances all round -- and the setting!!
- Heardle Decades: Stats as of Feb. 28th:
- Heardle 60s: 76.3% (650/852, 253 on first guess), down 0.4% from last month. Max. streak: 15.
- Heardle 70s: 77.8% (459/590, 258 on first guess), up 0.2% from last month. Max. streak: 18.
- Heardle 80s: 38.7% (170/463, 67 on first guess), down 0.9% from last month. Max. streak: 4.
- Heardle 90s: 29.7% (168/566, 34 on first guess), up 0.4% from last month. Max. streak: 5.
- NYT Connections:
- By Jan. 31st, I'd completed 187 games and won 80% of them, including 107 "perfect puzzles" with zero errors. I increased my maximum winning streak from 15 to 21 (and counting!). :)
- By Feb. 28th, I'd completed 215 games and won 81% of them, including 78 "perfect puzzles" with zero errors. I maintained my maximum winning streak of 15. :)
- Late in January, we achieved our goal of lowering our cholesterol levels after less-than-stellar bloodwork last fall earned us both serious chats with our doctor. (We'll be doing more bloodwork later in the year to check again.) Since then, we've continued our efforts to eat healthier -- reduce our portion sizes, cut back on fatty & processed foods (fewer casseroles, more chicken and beans/lentils), eat more fruits, vegetables and fibre, snack less (and make better snacking choices), and be at least a little more active.
- Since then, I've yo-yo'd a bit, but ended the month another 1.2 pounds lighter. I'm down more than 9 pounds since our chat with the doctor last October, and 21.6 pounds from my heaviest-ever weight a few years ago.
- We went out for brunch on Valentine's Day -- less crowded and a whole lot cheaper than going out for dinner! We don't eat out too often these days, so this was a treat! (We both had omelettes -- a western for him, ham & cheese for me -- and the waitress brought us a complimentary mini-pancake shaped like a heart, warm off the griddle, dusted with icing sugar and a couple of cinnamon hearts).
- Some notable recent takeout meals: a rotisserie chicken from the supermarket (with baked potatos & veggies, made at home) -- lots of leftovers for another dinner plus sandwiches!; soup and pizza slices from the supermarket takeout counter.
- More Canadian products (as are many of my fellow citizens), in light of the threats a certain U.S. politician (cough!) has been making against my country recently. :(
- Valentine and Easter goodies (already collecting those!) for the great-niblings, as well as birthday presents for Little Great-Niece. :)
- A couple of sweaters at AE, on sale.
- Some more masks from a supplier than Turia recommended to me during the pandemic, during a recent sale. (I particularly like these ones.)





