Showing posts with label 2013 books. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2013 books. Show all posts

Friday, January 3, 2014

"Rocking the Life Unexpected" by Jody Day

As someone who has been blogging about life without children for six (!) years now -- and living the life for 12 (!!) -- I often get comments and questions from women whose fertility journeys have likewise ended without a baby:  How, HOW, they ask, do you "get over" the disappointment of never having children (when you really did want and hope for and plan for them), and move on with your life?  (DO you ever "get over it"?) 

Jody Day, founder of Gateway Women, a fabulous resource for women like us, not only answers "yes" in her wonderful new book, Rocking the Life Unexpected, but outlines a clearly marked route you can follow down this road less travelled.  

The book's description on Amazon calls it "a mixture of autobiography, social history and self-help... a book that blends the personal, the political and the practical to support childless-by-circumstance women to move forward with their lives."

Like the award-winning "Silent Sorority" by fellow blogger Pamela Tsigdinos of Coming2Terms and A Fresh Start, and "I'm Taking My Eggs and Going Home" by Lisa Manterfield, who has created the Life Without Baby blog and online community (both books that I love and recommend highly), Jody tells her personal story in this book -- and no doubt you will find much to relate to there. 

Beyond her personal story, though, Jody analyzes the role of childless women in our world, today and in the past -- how we got here -- and the implications for a society that seems besotted with motherhood at the same time that more and more women are remaining childless. She brings up a lot of great points that I didn't know about or hadn't considered before, and I hope that marketers, policymakers and politicians are paying attention to what she has to say.

Finally, Jody, who is working to become a psychotherapist, walks readers through the construction of a concrete plan for a satisfying life without children -- including creative exercises designed to help you to work through your grief, envision what a good life without children might look like (to you), and how you can create that life for yourself. The exercises were developed as part of the workshops Jody has developed & delivered to childless women in the U.K., and can be used in a group setting or privately, at your own pace.

This is a landmark book, and I can't recommend it highly enough. : ) While you might have difficulty finding it in your local bookstore, it's available online in both electronic and paperback formats.

(This was book #25 that I read in 2013.)

Thursday, December 12, 2013

GRAB(ook) Club: "Catching Fire" by Suzanne Collins

(Warning: This post contains spoilers!) 

Having plowed through "The Hunger Games" earlier this fall, I was compelled to keep going through the next two books in the series.

So, since I had already read "Catching Fire," the second book in the trilogy, I figured I might as well take part in this latest edition of the GRAB(ook) Club -- even though I had to Google a plot summary to refresh my memory a bit (hard to flip back through the book again when you read it on an e-reader...!).  ;)  I have to admit, books 2 & 3 kind of run together for me;  I had a bit of a hard time remembering exactly what happened in what book. (I already provided a mini-review of sorts of both books in early October.)

While Katniss & Peeta emerged triumphant from the Hunger Games, they quickly find out that winning isn't all it's cracked up to be. The people have taken courage from Katniss's bravery and defiant attitude in the Games;  rebellion is in the air, which lands Katniss in hot water with the evil President Snow. The President cooks up something special for the 75th Hunger Games:  imagine an all-star Survivor competition, featuring past winners of the Hunger Games -- including, of course, Katniss & Peeta -- in yet another fight to the finish. Who will emerge victorious this time around? The book ends... with a cliffhanger!

My question: 
I haven't seen "The Hunger Games" movie and am not sure I will see "Catching Fire." Whether or not you have seen or think you want to see the movie, is there a particular scene you would love to see come to life from the book, or wonder how they will pull off?


My answer:

I asked this because while overall, I'm lukewarm as to whether I see the movie or not, I AM curious as to what Katniss's dress-turned-Mockingjay costume would look like and how they would pull off the transformation scene, cinematically. :)  (Unfortunately, the book shows that fashion truly can be a matter of life or death...)

I also keep trying to picture the setup of the arena in my head, particularly the opening setup. I think I have it figured out, but I'd like to see how the filmmakers interpreted it.

You?

After you answer my question, please click over to read the rest of the book club questions for Catching Fire.  You can get your own copy of Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins at bookstores including Amazon.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

GRAB(ook) Club: "Gone Girl" by Gillian Flynn

Wow. Well.

I had heard the hype about "Gone Girl" by Gillian Flynn -- so many people seemed to be reading it & raving about it -- and so I kept debating whether it would be worth buying the hardcover or waiting for the paperback (which seems to be taking forever to come out...!). Then Mel added it to the GRAB(ook) Club agenda, so I wound up getting an e-book version via my sister.

And, as many reader reviews I've read alluded, this was a hard book to put down. Adding to the allure -- reading an e-book (particularly on my almost-original model Kobo) made it more difficult to flip ahead & sneak a peek at the ending -- incentive to keep reading!! By Monday night, I was getting close to the end. I was so eager to finish (particularly when I had a post to write before the book discussion posts went up Thursday) that I set aside my usual newspapers & continued to read the book on my Tuesday morning commute. With just a few pages to go as we pulled into the train station (curses!), I speedwalked to my office, threw down my briefcase, & finished off the book in my cubicle before I even turned on my computer.  ; ) (I read the papers on the evening commute home.)

I liked this book. It's definitely a page-turner. I did NOT particularly like the main characters, Nick & Amy, each with their own flaws (although I found Nick slightly more sympathetic than Amy).  (Disturbingly, I found myself thinking of serial killers/rapists Paul Bernardo & -- especially -- Karla Homolka, at one point.)

But I couldn't help but be drawn into their story.  And think about the strengths & weaknesses of my own marriage, even as I watched theirs unravel.

Amy disappears on the day of her & Nick's 5th wedding anniversary -- and guess who's the prime suspect?  The story unfolds in alternating "he said, she said" style, between narration from Nick and past diary entries from Amy.  Whose account of the relationship do we believe? Or does the truth lie somewhere in between?  Plot twists and surprises galore along the way. There are even subplots/references to pregnancy loss and infertility. (Melissa already asked one infertility-related question related to the book.) 

*** *** ***

So here's my question(s):

One of the recurring threads in the book is the tension and contrast between city & country/small town life. Nick grew up in smalltown Missouri; Amy in New York City. The two live a charmed life in Manhattan -- until they both lose their jobs and their finances take a nosedive. When his aging parents require care, Nick persuades Amy to return to his hometown with him.

Would you ever want to move back to your hometown (if you don't already live there)? Both Nick & Amy voice some stereotypes about smalltown life and people;  likewise, their family members & neighbours have their own ideas about what life in the big city must be like. Do you think these observations (on either side) were true, or fair?

I know dh sometimes feels guilty that I am living so far away from my family. "We can move back," he sometimes offers.

My parents actually moved to the small town (population about 2,500) where they now live almost 30 years ago, when I was finishing university. I only ever lived there with them for a little over a year before I got married. But even though it's not one of the towns where I grew up, suffice to say, it's close in location, size and ambience, lol. The largest town I lived in, before going to university, was 12,000 people.  Dh, on the other hand, grew up in Toronto and has spent his whole life in the Greater Toronto Area, aside from the years he went away to school.

Sometimes I think about it. It would be nice to be closer to my family. I miss the friendliness and simplicity of small town living (no traffic jams! affordable housing!!)(well, affordable when compared to Toronto, lol). But then I think about the lack of choices, the lack of privacy, the lack of tolerance of different viewpoints (although you don't always get that in a larger centre either)...

The thing is, I have lived enough places in my life to know that there is good and bad everywhere you go; it's up to you to make the best of things wherever you are. Some stereotypes are true and some aren't. Amy observes in the book something to the effect that many of the North Cartharge people had opinions about New York without ever having gone near the place, and I find that's very true. Whenever I go back, people will ask me, "So how's TORONTO?"  in a slightly snide tone of voice, as if they can't really believe anyone would ever want to live here (Toronto being the city that everyone in Canada loves to hate)(even long before Rob Ford ever became mayor, lol). And of course, a lot of them have never set foot here.

Of course, city people can be incredibly obtuse and condescending about smalltown life too.

So to answer my own question -- I'm not really sure I'd want to move back to the same town where my parents live. That might be a little too close for comfort. ; ) But I might not mind living in a larger town or smaller city. closer than where I am right now. ; )

*** *** ***

One more question I can't resist asking: 

I remember reading quite awhile ago that the movie rights to "Gone Girl" had been purchased by Reese Witherspoon. Maybe it's the blond thing ; ) but I naturally assumed she would be playing Amy.  (Although -- likely because of the name -- I kept seeing Amy Poehler and her sly grin as I read the book, lol.)  However, in Googling "Gone Girl movie," I learned that the movie will be released in the fall of 2014, with Ben Affleck as Nick and Rosamund Pike as Amy.

What do you think of this casting? Who would you nominate to play Amy? Nick? Any of the other characters?

After you answer my question, please click over to read the rest of the book club questions for Gone Girl.  You can get your own copy of Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn at bookstores including Amazon.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

"Simple Dreams" by Linda Ronstadt

Growing up in the 1970s, Linda Ronstadt was THE female voice on the airwaves.  (And what a voice!) I had quite a few of her albums. When I was in university, I got my own stereo for my dorm room, and I would often put on an side of "Mad Love" or "Get Closer," turn out the lights, slip under the covers, and drift off to sleep to the soothing sounds of Linda singing "Talk to Me of Mendicino" or the spine-tingling harmonies of her voice entwined with Dolly Parton's & Emmylou Harris's singing "My Blue Tears."

Country, rock & roll, opera & operetta/Broadway, pop standards, Mexican folk music (in Spanish) -- Ronstadt could do it all (and did, much to the record company's dismay)(until they saw the sales figures). She introduced me (and, I'm sure, many others) to an amazing spectrum of great music.  In many cases, I heard her renditions of songs by Hank Williams, Buddy Holly, Bob Dylan, Smokey Robinson, the Rolling Stones, Warren Zevon & Elvis Costello before I ever heard the originals. Through her, I went on to discover these and other songs & musicians that broadened my musical horizons. I had long scoffed at my mother's Frank Sinatra records -- but when Ronstadt put on a 50s-style prom dress and started singing some of the same sort of songs with Sinatra's arranger, Nelson Riddle, I listened -- and then started listening to Ella Fitzgerald, Rosemary Clooney and, yes, Frankie. ; )

So I was thrilled to hear that Ronstadt had joined the growing ranks of rock stars to pen a memoir,  Simple Dreams -- apparently without the help of a ghostwriter. It is not a long book (about 200 well-spaced pages) but it is well written. I am glad I didn't wait for the paperback. :) 

The subtitle of the book is "A Musical Memoir" and the focus is definitely on the musical side of Ronstadt's life (which is, of course, quite substantial and interesting). If you are looking for lurid details of her personal life, this is probably not the book for you -- although she does include a few good stories, including one about trying to ditch a very drunk and belligerent Jim Morrison. (Another good, albeit non-romantic story concerns a girl she & Nicolette Larson befriended while roller skating -- who turns out to be a member of the Manson Family!!) She actually uses the phrase "keeping company" to describe her relationship with Jerry Brown (then & now the Governor of California). (!!)

(I had an album by Nicolette Larson in my college days too. I loved her song "Rhumba Girl" & used to put it on and dance to it while I was getting ready for parties in my dorm room.)(That, and the album "Rio" by Duran Duran, lol.)  : )

Despite her many well-publicized romances, Ronstadt has never married. In her 40s, she adopted two children, a boy & a girl. There is a picture of her with her daughter as toddler, and she mentions them in passing, primarily in terms of their musical inclinations. You won't find any insights into adoption or single motherhood here.

It's hard to believe the Queen of 70s Rock is not in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (!) -- even though she's been eligible for more than 20 (!) years. Ronstadt claims she doesn't care. In the book, she brushes aside the "Queen of Rock" title: "[it] made me uneasy, as my musical devotions often lay elsewhere." Her personal pick for "the first fully realized female rocker" is Chrissie Hynde of The Pretenders.)

The book ends before Ronstadt's recent discovery -- & public revelation -- that she has Parkinson's disease -- and can no longer sing. I find it incredibly sad, knowing that amazing voice has been silenced.  But what a legacy she has left us!

A couple of my favourite Ronstadt songs (so hard to pick just one...!): 





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This was book #23 that I've read so far this year -- I'll write about books #21 & 22 in a future post.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

"Cracked Open" by Miriam Zoll

I ordered "Cracked Open" by Miriam Zoll from Amazon, & began reading it after Pamela mentioned she had included it on her summer reading list.  And I am glad I did.

(Spoiler alert!)  While Miriam's story does end with the arrival of a baby (via adoption), this book is not one of those "my story had a happy ending and yours can too, so don't ever give up hope, because it was all worth it" sorts of infertility memoirs. Yes, it's an infertility memoir, detailing her personal story -- but it's also a cautionary tale of sorts, a critique and a call to action.

Many of us will relate to Miriam's story, or at least some aspects of it. She and I are of the same generation -- born in the late 1950s/early 1960s at the tail end of the post-war baby boom, grew up in the 1970s (right around the time the first "test tube baby," Louise Brown was born in 1978, bringing new hope to infertile couples everywhere) and entered the workforce in the 1980s at a time when everyone was assuring us that we could "have it all."

Like many of us, Miriam spent her 20s getting an education and establishing her career.  She had an on-again-off-again relationship with Michael, the man who eventually became her husband when she was 35, and was largely ambivalent on the subject of motherhood. By the time she finally felt ready to tackle parenthood -- realizing that it was now or never -- she was 40.  By the time she and her husband decided it was time to consult a fertility clinic, she was almost 41. Over the next several years, as they progressed from IVF to donor eggs to contemplating surrogacy, Miriam & Michael endured one setback and indignity after another -- including a miscarriage, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder -- before finally becoming parents through adoption when Miriam was 46.

Most infertility memoirs would end right there. In the Afterword, however, Miriam admits:
"Alongside my overwhelming feelings of gratitude and wonder toward his birthmother and the miracle of this new life, I reluctantly admitted that I was still grieving over what hadn't happened through fertility treatments... and as I wrestled with my lingering demons, I sensed I was not alone... just because the doctor appointments, the injections, the egg transfers and the dashed hopes are over, it does not mean that the trauma is over." (pp. 185-87)


It's Miriam's hope that sharing her story, and encouraging others to share theirs, will help to spark consumer-driven improvements to the way that fertility clinics interact with and support patients, donors and surrogates, and a broader and more balanced understanding of reproductive technologies and the challenges facing those who seek treatment.

I could relate so well to the rollercoaster of emotions and the downward spiral of depression that Miriam describes with raw honesty in this book.  The drive to become a parent -- the willingness to submit our bodies, spirits and pocketbooks to all sorts of beatings, even in the face of overwhelming odds -- and the endurance of the human spirit through all kinds of trauma -- is an amazing thing.  

The only part of the story that I found myself skipping over had little to do with fertility -- it was a chapter titled "Living on the Wild Side," about the critters she & Michael encountered in the old farmhouse they bought.  When she got to the rodent infestation, I though "Next!!" & moved on to the next chapter, lol.  If you're squeamish like me about these things, you may want to skip it too.

This past week, an article co-authored by Miriam & Pamela of Silent Sorority appeared in the New York Times that called for a more inclusive, supportive and realistic approach to infertility treatment. Miriam will be one of the featured speakers at the forum Pamela has been helping to organize in New York City on Sept. 27th, "The Cycle:  Living a Taboo," which will further explore some of the themes presented in the article.

It's an exciting and hopeful time for those of us whose infertility stories didn't have the "happily ever after" ending -- at least, not the one that we've all been conditioned to expect. Slowly but surely, questions are being asked, assumptions are being challenged and a broader and more realistic picture of infertility, both the possibilities AND the limitations, is beginning to emerge.  Miriam's book is an important contribution to that conversation.  I'm looking forward to seeing what comes next!

(This was Book #20 that I've read so far this year.)

Thursday, September 12, 2013

GRAB(ook) Club: "The Hunger Games" by Suzanne Collins

Over the last few years, my reader friends (both online & "in real life") have been raving about three series of novels:  the "Twilight" Saga, the"Fifty Shades of Grey" books and "The Hunger Games" trilogy

A few of my friends adored "Fifty Shades" -- but several others (including my sister) warned me that the writing was atrocious and the books were basically Harlequin romances dressed up with leather & chains. As for "Twilight," the vampire thing has never appealed to me. SIL tried to get me to read Anne Rice, more than 20 years ago. Just couldn't get into it.

On the other hand, I do enjoy a bit of dystopian fiction/alternative history now & then. One such book that springs to mind is "Fatherland" by Robert Harris, which I read some years ago. It's set in early 1960s Germany, but the twist here is that Hitler won World War II, Joseph Kennedy (father of the real-life President Kennedy, who was opposed to the war) is now President of the United States, the Jews have disappeared from Europe and the Holocaust has been covered up. (Or almost.) There's even a moptop quartet from England that makes a cameo appearance in Hamburg. ; )

Another is "The Handmaid's Tale" by Margaret Atwood, which we covered in an earlier version of Mel's book club. (I actually noticed a number of parallels between that book and this one as I read.)

So I figured I might actually like "The Hunger Games" if I ever got around to reading it, and the GRAB(ook) Club offered the perfect excuse to put it next on my list. ; )

"The Hunger Games," if you haven't heard by now, is set in a future United States, now a totalitarian nation known as Panem, divided into 13 districts. Our heroine & narrator, Katniss Everdeen (one thing I did NOT particularly like in the book were the characters' rather ridiculous names), lives in the poorest area, District 12, once known as Appalachia. Each year, the children aged 12-18 in each district gather for "The Reaping," in which one boy & one girl are chosen by lottery as "tributes," then whisked away to the Capitol, where they will fight to the death in the annual Hunger Games until just one warrior is left standing.  The Hunger Games serve as a sort of sick form of reality entertainment for the wealthy citizens of the Capitol, and also as a reminder to the rest of the country about the power the Capitol holds over them. And when Katniss's younger sister Primrose in chosen in the Reaping, Katniss volunteers to fight in her place.

This was a good book, and a quick read (I put it on my e-reader and read it on the commuter train to & from work last week).  I wouldn't say it's the best book I've ever read, as my nephew (age 20) did. Perhaps the whole idea of children being forced to kill each other is just a little too barbaric for my tastes. It's certainly nothing like the books I would have read as a young adult, but I can see how it would appeal to a generation raised on violent video games (not to mention episodes of "Survivor").

But I did enjoy it -- enough that I was tearing up in the last 15 pages, and enough to download the other two books in the series, and to think about seeing the movie. (I like Jennifer Lawrence;  I thought she was brilliant and deserved the Oscar in "Silver Linings Playbook.") ;) 

It made me think.

*** *** ***

My question: 
I've mentioned that the book reminded me of Margaret Atwood's The Handmaid's Tale, Survivor and other reality TV shows, and violent video games.  What if anything about the book reminded you most of our life in the here & now, and why?

After you answer my question, please click over to read the rest of the book club questions for The Hunger Games.  You can get your own copy of The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins at bookstores including Amazon.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Pre-vacation reading

I actually read these two books before my vacation, and before reading the four books I recently wrote about here.  By all rights, I guess I should have reviewed these two first. (Not to mention that a lot of what I had intended to write is fast fading from my memory. :p)  But hey, it's my blog and I'll do what I want. ; ) 

Total number of books read YTD, including these:  18 -- almost double my total for all of 2012. Not bad!!

*** *** ***

I finally got around to reading Sheryl Sandberg's "Lean In" -- I figured I'd better make it a priority, since I actually wrote about the book (here and here) before reading it. ; )

I liked this book  (with a few caveats).  And I found myself liking Sandberg, too.  I do wonder if a lot of the people who have been criticizing the book, and Sandberg, have actually read the thing.

I liked that Sandberg is not afraid to call herself a feminist, that she considers Gloria Steinem a role model and mentor. I like that the book has been meticulously researched, with an extensive notes section. I like that she told relevant, personal stories that any working woman (mother or not) could relate to. And I very much liked her emphasis on the fact that, while women should be leaning in more in the workplace, men also need to do more leaning in on the home front.

At the same time, I do think some of the criticisms of the book are justified.  While Sandberg is careful to emphasize that she recognizes how privileged she is, the fact remains that she IS privileged, and the vast majority of working women do not enjoy the same advantages that she and some of her peers do -- money, power, a supportive husband,  a Harvard MBA & a mentor like Larry Summers behind us. There's a lot in the book about what women can do -- and her advice is worthwhile -- but I would have liked to have heard more about what men and the corporations they are still largely in charge of running can do to make the workplace better for all their employees. The onus for adtion and change shouldn't entirely be on women.

Sandberg does touch on the topic of work-life balance... but I wish she had spent a little less time talking about working mothers & given a little more recognition to the fact that her all of us, men & women, parents or not, could use a little more work-life balance. 

Granted -- I was surprised & pleased to read (on page 132):  "It's not only working parents who are looking for more hours in the day;  people without children are also overworked, maybe to an even greater extent."

However, she then goes on to relate a story about a single woman on a panel discussion she attended  who argued that her need to leave work to go to a party was just as legitimate as parents' need to attend their kids' soccer game, "because going to a party is the only way I might actually meet someone and start a family so I can have a soccer game to go to one day!"  Some of us may never have that soccer game to attend -- but we may have other priorities and responsibilities and interests outside of work that are just as important to us -- and I believe that our need for work-life balance is every bit as "legitimate" as parents or would-be parents.

Despite its limitations, this is a valuable book worth reading, thinking and talking about. 

*** *** ***

I picked up Marie Osmond's latest book, The Key is Love, because (1) I'm a longtime Osmonds fan;  (2) I've read her other books so I figured I might as well read this one too ; ) & (3) I was curious to hear what she had to say about recent events in her life, including her son Michael's suicide, and her decision to remarry her first husband (!), 25 years after they were divorced (& wearing the same dress she wore at their first wedding, some 30 years earlier).

Ostensibly, Osmond wrote this book as a tribute to her mother, Olive Osmond, but it also updates fans on recent events in her life.

As you might expect from a devout Mormon girl, Osmond delivers platitude after platitude about the glories of motherhood -- and, as a childless-not-by-choice woman, I found it a little hard to swallow at times.

But there are some surprises along the way. Some of what Osmond writes is platitude, true, but there actually is a lot of good old-fashioned wisdom in her mother's words & advice.  And although Osmond extols old-fashioned ways & values, make no mistake, she's a thoroughly modern working mother. 

While Osmond believes there is no higher calling than motherhood -- and she's got 8 (!!) children to prove it -- she's also a working mother (whose office just happens to be a stage in Las Vegas), the primary family breadwinner for most of her adult life and, at times, a single mother.  In her own way, she's been leaning in for the past 50 years, since she started singing with her famous brothers as a toddler.

And the show must go on (eventually) -- even when your beloved son commits suicide. As a bereaved parent, albeit of a slightly different variety, my heart went out to Marie as I read this section of the book. This woman understands grief & loss.  She is also frank about her own problems with getting & staying pregnant, and her struggles with postpartum depression.. At least half of her eight children are adopted, and she writes about how many of those children came to her.

There are certain details Osmond declines to reveal, citing her children's privacy.  She writes about the failure of her second marriage, and while she doesn't tell us exactly what went wrong, she does say that her children, and her one daughter in particular, were well aware of what was going on and urged her to leave. She also mentions that her son chose to sever ties with his father completely, and both he and her daughter changed their last names. Hmmmm.    

If you're not as Osmonds fan, you probably won't be compelled to pick up this book... but if you were to do so, I think you night enjoy it more than you might think. ;) 

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Summer reading

 (Not necessarily reviewed in the order read.)

In the summer of 1978 (I just realized -- 35 years ago??!! yikes... :p ), when I was 17 and heading into my last year of high school, I had a part-time job as a salesclerk at a small antique shop owned by my mother's hairdresser. The shop was attached to their house, several blocks from the downtown core, so it didn't get a lot of traffic. I was usually by myself, and so I spent a lot of time reading & listening to the radio.

Seventies music often gets a bad rap -- but that summer, there was actually lots of great new music to listen to -- from The Police, The Cars, Elvis Costello, Bob Seger and Van Halen.  The Rolling Stones released "Some Girls." Warren Zevon had a smash hit with the quirky "Werewolves of London." A saxophone player myself, I thrilled to the solo on Gerry Rafferty's single "Baker Street" -- I got the 45 & played it over & over.

 I was not yet especially familiar with this guy named Bruce Springsteen, but I loved the dark allure of "Prove it all Night."

And there was another darkly alluring song that captivated my imagination that summer. (I did not know until some years later that it too had been written by Bruce Springsteen):  "Because the Night" by Patti Smith. I had never heard of Patti Smith, but from what I gathered, she was a cultish punk rocker from New York.

New York City back then was a dark, forbidding, foreign, seedy, dangerous place -- especially in the eyes of a sheltered teenaged girl from a small town on the Canadian Prairies. It was the city of Martin Scorsese's Mean Streets and Taxi Driver, and Saturday Night Fever. And if the New York factor wasn't exotic enough -- you could see the hair in her armpits on the cover of the album ("Easter") that the song was on (gasp!!).

(A few years later, when I was in university, the campus radio station closed down & sold off their entire record collection for a few bucks per album. I bought several, including "Easter." I may have listened to the whole thing a few times, but I primarily bought it because of "Because the Night" and don't remember much else of what's on it.) 

And yet. There was something raw and stark in her yowling voice, in the poetry of the words (she rewrote Springsteen's original lyrics for herself) and in the music that touched me, that left me wanting more when the song was over. 

All this is by way of preamble. ; )

This summer, I finally got around to reading Patti Smith's critically acclaimed memoir of her relationship with artist/photographer Robert Mapplethorpe, Just Kids. I knew that Mapplethorpe had been a somewhat controversial artist, and that he had died young of AIDS, but I knew little else about him or his relationship with Smith.

Smith promised Mapplethorpe as he lay dying that she would someday write their story, and this book is the fulfillment of that promise. It's a story of young love, and loss, of coming of age and growing up, of innocence and decadence, of the late Sixties and early Seventies, of New York City, of poverty and self-discovery and art. It's about life at the storied Chelsea Hotel and the people Smith met there, including Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Allan Ginsberg, Jim Carroll, Bob Neuwirth and Sam Shepherd.

Smith arrived in New York at age 20, soon after giving birth to a baby boy & giving him up for adoption. While she could not afford art school, she hoped to live near one and work in a bookstore, which is where she first met Mapplethorpe.  A subsequent chance encounter threw them together again. The two became lovers -- but it didn't take long for Smith to realize -- well before Mapplethorpe was ready to tell her (or perhaps even admit it to himself) -- that he was gay. 

Most women, at that point, would have left -- but the two continued to live together, support each other, create art together (and still occasionally sleep together). They remained devoted to each other -- best friends, partners and soulmates -- although, as each became more successful, they eventually moved to separate apartments (albeit always close to one another, until Smith moved to Detroit to be with her husband).  As artists, they supported and encouraged each other and served as each other's muse. Mapplethorpe used to shoplift porn magazines and clip the images to use in his collage art;  Smith was the one who suggested he should start taking his own photos. Eventually he did, and the rest is history.

I have to admit I don't completely understand the whole "suffer for your art" thing. I like to think I have a bit of the artist/creative in me -- when I get writing, I can become absorbed for hours (it's hard to stop when the muse strikes and you're on a roll...).  But I guess I'm too practical & like my comforts too much to live in poverty for the sake of art, as Smith and Mapplethorpe did.  (Which I guess is why I studied journalism and wound up as a corporate hack, instead of living in a garrett & writing novels, as I dreamed of doing as a kid, lol.)  Their world was and is not mine.

I also found it interesting/irritating at times in that, for someone revered as a feminist icon of sorts, Smith often reverts into the caretaker role for the men in her life (& not just Mapplethorpe).  Mapplethorpe was charming and talented, but he could also be cruel and irresponsible and self-centred. She put up with a lot of crap from him.  

Nevertheless. I liked this book. A lot. It's beautifully written, with a lovely, wistful tone. Heck, we all do a lot of things when we're in our teens & 20s that we wouldn't do (and shudder to think about) in our 50s or 60s.

Which is not to say we don't look back on those days fondly. ; )

*** *** ***

As mentioned above (& in previous posts), I was dimly aware of who Bruce Springsteen was by 1978. My pre-dh boyfriend had a copy of The River in his collection, but it wasn't until I met dh -- a huge Springsteen fan whose dorm nickname (emblazoned on the back of his official floor T-shirt) was "Bruuuuuucce"  -- that I really became a Springsteen fan.

In the years since then, I've read a lot about the guy, including Dave Marsh's books. But I hadn't read anything about him in awhile, and I decided to pick up Bruce by Peter Ames Carlin, which received good reviews when it came out last year. (The paperback should be out shortly.)

The author is obviously a Springsteen fan, and has done some good research on his subject. Springsteen's shortcomings, particularly as a band leader, are not ignored. He could/can be a hard taskmaster, and while band members are not overly critical, it's clear that they have not always been happy with the way things were handled.

The book is particularly strong in its account of Springsteen's family history and early days as a struggling young musician, which I very much enjoyed. (More recent years are more rushed through.)  Many Springsteen family members -- including his mother, sisters and aunts -- were interviewed for the book. (Patti Scialfa -- Mrs. Springsteen -- chose not to participate, and the book is mostly silent on the details of the Springsteens' marriage, children and family life. Julianne Phillips, the first Mrs. Springsteen, is also silent aside from a brief but gracious statement.)

Now, I thought I knew a lot about the guy.  I certainly knew about his troubled relationship with his father, Doug, which has been well detailed -- by Bruce, among others, in his stories and songs such as "Independence Day" and "Adam Raised a Cain."

But I was stunned to find that the book begins with the loss of a child -- an incident that reverberated through the Springsteen family for years & generations to come, To me, as a bereaved parent, it explains a lot about the Springsteen family dynamics and the home that Bruce grew up in.

The child in question was Bruce's Aunt Virginia, Doug's older sister, who was run over and killed by a truck while riding her tricycle at the age of 5, in April 1927, almost 20 years before Bruce was born. The loss devastated her parents (Bruce's grandparents), and Bruce's grandmother Alice in particular.  In her grief, the family's home life and structure disintegrated. Alice neglected Doug, then a toddler, to the point where he went to live with relatives for several formative years.

When Bruce was born in 1949 and introduced to his grandmother, "She clutched the boy to herself and for the longest time would not let him go."
She must have loved you to pieces, Bruce heard someone say not long ago. He laughed darkly. "To pieces," he said,  "would be correct."
Strangely enough, Bruce's sister, Virginia (Ginny) -- named in tribute to her aunt -- barely registered with her grandmother. "I thought I was doing the best thing calling her Virginia, but I wasn't," Bruce's mother Adele says in the book. "With Bruce, he could do no wrong."

"That was very caught up with the role I was intended to play," Bruce says. "To replace the lost child. So that made it a very complicated sort of affection and one that wasn't completely mine. We [Ginny and Bruce] were very symbolic, which is an enormous burden on a young child. And that became a problem for everybody."...   
Bruce remembers his grandparents' house as a strange, austere place, its cracked walls adding to an atmosphere already clotted with loss, memory, and regret. "The dead daughter was a big presence," he says. "Her portrait was on the wall, always front and centre." Fred and Alice trooped everyone to the St. Rose of Lima cemetery each week to touch her stone and pick weeds and errant grass from the little girl's grave. "That graveyard," Ginny says, "was like our playground. We were there all the time." 
The later years of Springsteen's career are given less ink... but the book deals sensitively with the deaths of E Street bandmembers Danny Federici and Clarence Clemons. Danny was the E Streeter who was with Bruce the longest -- he actually hired Bruce to be in his band first -- and I dare you (especially if you're a Springsteen fan) to read about his final, special guest appearance onstage with Bruce & the band in March 2008, dying of cancer (& knowing the end was near), and playing "Sandy" on his accordion one last time -- his personal pick for his swan song -- without reaching for the Kleenex box.  (I couldn't do it. I love "Sandy," and I bawled my eyes out. Apparently there are clips of the concert on YouTube, but I can't bring myself to watch.)

This is, overall, a very readable & enjoyable book about one of America's great rock & roll legends.


*** *** ***

I was a little disappointed with My Way, the memoir (with the same title as the famous song he wrote for Frank Sinatra) by Paul Anka. I've loved many of his songs over the years -- and, of course (point of patriotic pride) he is Canadian. ; ) And there is no doubt that the guy has been around & has some great stories to tell.

Unfortunately, the telling sometimes leaves something to be desired. My main problem with the book is that it like a verbatim transcript of a taped conversation. Which is all fine & good -- in a memoir, you want to sound real & have an authentic voice -- but the book rambles all over the place and repeats itself in many spots. (I lost track of how many people he described as "my good friend" or "my very good friend.") It really could have used a good edit. Maybe I'm just being picky -- it's my job to notice these things -- but it did spoil my full enjoyment of the book somewhat.

And while Anka obviously has some stories to tell -- and tells many, well -- there is obviously a lot he is NOT telling. For a guy who spent so much time in Vegas but claims to have stayed away from the mob figures who ra the place, he sure knows a lot about them.

And while he's happy to spill about the flings and foibles of the Rat Pack and others, he is less forthcoming about his own personal life, which includes two wives, five (!) daughters and one son.  While I understand his desire not to bad-mouth the mother of his young son, I do think he could have been a little more forthcoming.

If you are an Anka fan or enjoy reading about Vegas in its heyday, you will like this book. Otherwise, try to borrow a copy, or wait for the paperback.

*** *** ***


During my visit to my parents last summer, I read (and found myself cracking up over) a book by a self-proclaimed Strident Feminist from Britain, Caitlin Moran, called "How to Be a Woman" (which I reviewed here). 

Moran is back with a collection of her columns for the Times of London, called Moranthology. Among other topics, she attempts to become a World of Warcraft expert, interviews Keith Richards and Paul McCartney (not together), goes to a sex club in Berlin with Lady Gaga, deconstructs Downton Abbey, and waxes rhapsodic about Sherlock & its star, Benedict Cumberbatch (I am also a big fan and loved her take on it).

I like books like this -- collections of columns -- because you can dip in & out at random, reading whatever interests you first, and not lose track of plots and characters. And Moran is (still) hilarious to read. Do not attempt to read this in a public place, unless you don't mind strange looks as you desperately try to stifle your giggles.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Summer reading: "Kicking & Dreaming" by Ann & Nancy Wilson

I was 14 years old in 1975, and at the top of my Christmas/birthday wish list was "Dreamboat Annie, the debut album by a new band called Heart, whose songs "Magic Man" and "Crazy on You" were dominating the radio.

(The band was American, but living in Vancouver and, since the album was recorded and produced there, it qualified as "Canadian content" under recently implemented rules governing Canadian radio airwaves, thus guaranteeing heavy play.) 

I don't remember if I got it for Christmas or my 15th birthday shortly afterward but I played the album to death -- it still remains a favourite on CD, and I still turn the radio up loud and sing along when the classic rock station we listen to plays one of its songs.  :)  I don't think the novelty of two girls playing rock & roll really registered with me back then -- but I did like having a female voice to sing along with, and lyrics sung from a female perspective, for a change.

I saw Heart in concert a few years later, when I was a university student. I believe it was in the summer of 1981, at an all-day outdoor concert at Winnipeg Stadium. They were the headliners, & I remember that Ted Nugent (back when he was better known for his music than his politics), Blue Oyster Cult and Loverboy were also on the bill. (Through the magic of Google, I've found the name of the one other band on the bill -- The Rockets -- and the exact date -- August 1st, 1981. Gotta love Google, lol.)  It was a beautiful, hot, sunny day, blue skies with fluffy white clouds rolling by. I bought & changed into a souvenir white tank top with a lace frill along the scoop neck with the Heart logo on it in red, & got thoroughly sunburned by the end of the day (the importance of sunscreen not yet part of our consciousness, and even if you did wear it, it was probably an SPF 4 or 8). I think that was when it first struck me just how unique and amazing it was to see two women playing straight out rock & roll onstage. Ann had that killer voice, of course, but I think I was most amazed by her younger sister Nancy, playing guitar just as well or maybe even better than any guy I had ever seen. 

Earlier this year, Heart performed Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" as the members of Zeppelin were honoured at the Kennedy Center. The clip was widely circulated on YouTube, with cameras focusing on a misty-eyed Robert Plant watching in the balcony. I already knew Heart could do an amazing Zeppelin, because they finished off the concert that summer day in 1981 with a note-perfect rendition of "Rock 'n Roll," which I still rave about to friends, 30+ years later. 

Here's a YouTube clip of Heart doing that song live in 1978, a couple of years before I saw them:



*** *** ***

I hadn't realized that Heart actually made a name for themselves doing Zeppelin covers very early in their careers, until I read Ann & Nancy Wilson's joint memoir, "Kicking & Dreaming: A Story of Heart, Soul and Rock & Roll." I started the book in the lounge at Pearson Airport as dh & I waited for our flight home to visit my parents, and I finished it a little more than 24 hours later. : )

The book is written with alternating voices (she said/she said), plus the occasional interjection from other family members, friends and bandmates.

Ann, Nancy and their older sister Lynn grew up in a military family. Because they moved around so frequently, the sisters became extremely close. Music and singing together was always a part of their lives.

And then, in 1964, came the Beatles. Like many teenagers of the time, Ann & Nancy were both transfixed by the band during their legendary appearance on the Ed Sullivan Show. But they soon noticed a critical difference:  while all their friends wanted to marry the Beatles, Ann & Nancy wanted to BE the Beatles.

The book traces the rise of the sisters' musical careers & personal lives and loves -- there really was a "Magic Man" -- and attempts to answer the question of what it's like to be a woman in a male-dominated industry. Tales of outrageous sexism abound.  There are also fun vignettes about the sisters' encounters with rock stars from Freddie Mercury and Elton John to Stevie Nicks and John Mellencamp, a memorable proposition from brothers Eddie & Alex Van Halen -- and even, yes, their early hero, Paul McCartney.

ALI issues figure in the later pages of the book.  Nancy actually left the band for awhile to pursue motherhood via IVF with her husband, writer/director Cameron Crowe.  The decision to take a break from music put a strain on her relationship with her sister -- and her marriage eventually ended under the strain of infertility treatments & miscarriage -- but Nancy did eventually become the mother of twin boys via donor eggs and a surrogate, rejoin her sister onstage and finally find love again with a new husband.   

Ann has never married but, in her 40s, she became the adoptive mother of first a girl and then a boy.  She also became a den mother of sorts to the grunge bands that sprang up around Seattle in the 1990s.

This was a fun read. If you are a fan of Heart, of women in rock & roll, or of strong women &/or rock & roll generally, you will enjoy this book.

Since this book was written, Heart was recently inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Doing the honours was Chris Cornell of Soundgarden, one of Ann's young grunge band protégés, who appears in the book.

ABOUT TIME!!

Thursday, August 15, 2013

GRAB(ook) Club: To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

I love to read -- but no matter how much you love to read, or how many books you read, period, there will always be some books that, for whatever reason (so many books... so little time...) you just haven't gotten around to reading.

"To Kill a Mockingbird" was one of those books for me. I've never seen the full movie, either, although I've seen bits & pieces. (In reading the book, I realized I had actually seen more of the movie than I had thought.)

So I looked forward to (finally!) having an excuse to pick up this book before any of the others in my to-read piles (plural).  And it didn't take long before I realized why this book is considered a modern classic -- and why Atticus Finch is considered one of the greatest heroes of modern fiction & movies. I could not help but envision & hear Gregory Peck as I read along. :) 

There is something for everyone in this book:  it's a coming of age story and a morality play.  It's got mystery, history, racism, feminism, and even a tinge of Gothic horror. It's sometimes thought of as a children's book, and it's narrated by a child (or at least an adult looking back on childhood), but it covers some decidedly complex & very adult issues.  Which makes it a great selection for a book club discussion. 

Here is my question:
Atticus emphasizes to Scout the importance of reserving judgment until you have walked in someone else's shoes. All of us in the ALI community have probably wished that some people would have followed that advice and walked in our shoes before offering us their judgment or opinions on our personal situations (!).  But can you think of a time when you found yourself trying on someone else's shoes and considering a different perspective?


My answer: 

There are many times when something has happened in my life to make me look at someone I know in a different light. 

For example, as I've mentioned recently, we're getting ready to host about 45 (gulp) of my husband's relatives this weekend at an annual family get-together. I've been thinking back to the first time I met them all -- and I do mean all. It was my future BIL's 21st birthday, and dh decided it was time for me to meet his family.

We were both at different schools in southern Ontario, but met up on the train & headed into Toronto one very hot July Saturday morning, 30 years ago last month. Every single aunt, uncle and cousin from both sides of dh's extended Italian family turned out to celebrate BIL's birthday -- his 21st, his first since his & dh's mother had passed away, several months earlier (before I could ever meet her) -- and, I strongly suspect, to inspect the mangiacake girlfriend. ; ) 

Italian families were pretty rare in the small Prairie towns where I had grown up. And yet, there was something endearingly familiar in the large family gathering, everyone around me laughing and talking in a language I couldn't understand. I had flashbacks to my childhood -- dozens of aunts, uncles & cousins crammed into my Ukrainian grandparents' tiny farmhouse, speaking in Ukrainian while the smell of cabbage rolls permeated the air. 

When I got home that weekend, I called my mother & told her I had never given it much thought before, but I had a whole new sympathy for what it must have been like for her when she first met my dad's family. Even though they grew up only 20 miles apart, it was quite a different atmosphere from the largely Scandinavian community where she had grown up.

I can remember when Nia Vardalos's movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" came out, and reading article about why it was a huge hit among all kinds of ethnic groups -- it was because everyone has a family and could relate to some aspect of the story. Needless to say, I could relate. ; )

My dad's sister told me she loved the movie too, because it reminded her of bringing home her Scottish boyfriend. You know the scene where Toula's male cousins teach Ian Greek phrases that aren't quite what they seem? Apparently my dad & his brothers pulled the same stunt on my aunt's boyfriend (my uncle-to-be) 40 years earlier.

That's just one example that I could think of.  Now, tell me your stories. : )

After you answer my question, please click over to read the rest of the book club questions for To Kill a Mockingbird.  You can get your own copy of To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee at bookstores including Amazon.

Thursday, July 18, 2013

GRAB(ook) Club: "The Fault in Our Stars" by John Green

**There will be some spoilers in this post, so consider yourself warned. **


The plot of “The Fault in Stars” by John Green -- this month's GRAB(ook) Club selection -- could be summarized (at least in part) as “girl with cancer on hold (for now) meets boy who had cancer but is currently clear.” Since this is a book in which several of the main characters have cancer, it’s not a huge stretch of the imagination to realize that someone going to die by the end of the book – and since the girl is the narrator, you also know that’s it’s not likely going to be her. There are clues foreshadowing what's going to happen and to whom, which I picked up on pretty quickly -- so I was prepared for the big reveal when it finally came, although perhaps not the way in which it was done. 

Cancer books & movies have become a bit of a cliché (“Love Story,” the book by Erich Segal and the movie starring Ryan O’Neal & Ali MacGraw was, after all, a cancer story in part). That said, even though I had my suspicions about how the plot would evolve and how the book would end (some confirmed, some not), I enjoyed the book overall – and found a few surprises along the way.

I knew this book would probably make me cry. (I was forewarned by Mel when she first read the book.) I was on the commuter train platform as I entered the final part of the book – where Gus summons Hazel and Isaac to meet him at the church – and I felt tears starting to sting my eyes as the train pulled into the station. Part of me was dying to plow on & finish the book on the train -- but I knew I would probably keep on crying and get some weird looks from the other passengers (and I’d only just put on my makeup & I still had a full day of work ahead of me…). ; ) So I reluctantly turned my e-reader off. On the way home, I couldn't resist the temptation & opened my e-reader again. After a few more pages, I had to stop again, much as I wanted to keep going. I finally finished the book in the privacy of my home later that evening. ; ) 

There was much I could relate to in what the book had to say about death and grief and families and support groups and how the rest of the world reacts to the misfortune of others. “The world is not a wish-granting factory,” Hazel & Gus remind each other – something that many of us in the ALI community know only too well, albeit from a different perspective. 

I could also relate to the simple story of two teenagers falling in love under less than ideal circumstances. (Did anyone who read this book NOT fall in love with Gus, at least a little bit?)  I haven’t read any young adult fiction in a while now (so many books, so little time…) but I remember the books of my youth fondly, and I still like to dip into that world now & then. I can still remember what it was like to be a teenager and that giddy feeling of amazement when the hot-looking boy you like (although we didn’t use the term “hot” back then) actually likes you back. 

I loved the literate quality of this book – the discussions about books, the poetry that Hazel can quote from memory to Gus. The Shakespeare. The heartfelt eulogies. The various references to stars. I loved how the author worked Anne Frank – another teenager who lived under a different kind of shadow, also doomed to die young -- into the plot, too.

*** *** ***

As an aside -- one of Canada’s greatest national heroes, Terry Fox, had a leg amputated because of osteosarcoma.  He eventually decided that he wanted to run across Canada to raise funds for research to find a cure -- and began his journey in Newfoundland in April 1980. He ran a marathon. EVERY SINGLE DAY. ON ONE GOOD LEG & a prosthetic. By the time he reached Ontario, he was met by cheering crowds. He filled Nathan Phillips Square in Toronto. 

I was in university at the time -- he was just a few years older than me -- and my friends & I talked about how we would go to see him and cheer him on when he passed through Winnipeg that fall.

But before the fall term began, in early September, Terry's epic run ended in northwestern Ontario, just outside of Thunder Bay on Lake Superior. (The town later erected a statue near the spot a few years later -- I had my photo taken in front of it when I drove through with my parents in June 1984.) He was experiencing chest pains, coughing fits and shortness of breath. He cried as he told the press that the cancer had returned and spread to his lungs. Less than a year later, he was dead at the age of 22.   I cried when I heard the news, and I still get tearful sometimes when I think about it.

In the 30+ years since then, Terry Fox Runs have been held across Canada and around the world each September. To date, they have raised more than $500 million for cancer research. 

A few years ago, my department hired a young guy on contract who had lost a leg to the same cancer. In fact, he started right around Terry Fox Run time & on one of his first days at work, I could hear him in a nearby cubicle, doing some media interviews on their behalf, telling his story. He had been cancer-free for a while but still saw his specialists for regular checkups.  He was only with us about a year, but called me a few months after his departure to ask me to edit his application letter for law school. I was glad to do so, and he gave me a hug and Starbucks gift card as thanks when we met to discuss my feedback. I asked him to keep me posted on what he was doing, but haven’t heard from him since. This book made me think about him. I hope he’s doing well.

*** *** ***

So all the above was really just the optional preamble to the main event:  book club participants have been asked to post a single question on their blog (as if we were all sitting in a room together talking about the book), which everyone can then answer in the comment section. All of the posts will be compiled in a linked list on Stirrup Queens. Discussions are also taking place on Facebook and GoodReads too -- post your question there if you don't have a blog and dive into the discussion.

I read this book on an e-reader, which was great in some respects, but made it difficult to flip around in contemplating a question.  And there were lots of questions that popped into my head while I was reading! (But did I write any of them down??)

Anyway -- my question: 

Key parts of the book (including the first meeting between Hazel & Gus) take place in a support group for young people with cancer. Did you ever attend a support group -- for pregnancy loss, infertility, adoption, or any other reason? How did your experience compare with Hazel's? Did you find it helpful? What did you like &/or dislike about the experience?
My own answer:

If you've read my blog, you'll know that dh & I began attending a perinatal loss support group about a month after Katie's stillbirth... and wound up staying for more than 11 years, 10 of them as facilitators.  So obviously, we found the experience helpful or we wouldn't have stayed as long as we did. ; )  Being able to talk about our experiences & feelings openly and honestly among people who had just been through something similar played a huge part in our healing. We used to refer to ourselves (unoriginally, of course) as the club nobody wanted to belong to -- with the caveat that, if you HAD to be a part of this club, you were in some pretty good company.  Like Hazel, we made some wonderful friends through the group. Some went on to have other children, some adopted, a very few (like us) were never able to have any living children.

Group is not for everyone. Some people don't like spilling their guts in front of strangers while others find it easier to talk with people who, while strangers, have a better idea than their family & friends of what they are going through. Some people find the support from their families & friends is enough. Some find solace online. (I did too, & that was my daily lifeline between meetings. I did crave the personal, real-life contact as well.) 

Some people, like us, found kindred spirits in the group, and became "regulars."  Some would come once & we would never see them again. We tried not to take it personally. Some people just found it too depressing to sit and listen to sad story after sad story.  I am sure that some people were freaked out when they started learning all the other ways that it's possible to lose a baby.

Sometimes it only took one meeting for people to get what they needed out of it. I remember one couple who came to group only once, some time after their loss. The wife thought she was going insane. We listened to her story & reassured her that her reactions were normal for what she had been through and that some of us had been through exactly the same sort of thing. The relief in her face & voice was clear;  I could see the burden lifting from her shoulders. We never saw them at group again, but I continued to see them listed as donors in the organization's newsletter for years afterward.

I loved group but by the time we left, after facilitating for 10 years, I did feel it was time to move on. I still miss seeing all the wonderful friends I made there regularly, and being able to talk so openly about my daughter & what happened to us -- but I don't miss the responsibility.  I don't miss the (thankfully very few) clients who monopolized the conversation or held side conversations instead of listening to the person who held the floor or texted on their cellphone instead of giving others the courtesy of listening & paying attention to their story. :p

Aside from the fact that Hazel's group was for cancer patients & mine was for pregnancy & infant loss, there were a few other differences I noticed. While the group I went to met in a church for part of the time we attended, it was not religious in nature. We didn't have any prayers or reading of names, and we did not stand in a circle at the end & chant "Living our best life now" (!) or anything of that sort. I did find that slightly bizarre, but to each their own...  Our original group leaders insisted on giving everyone a hug as we left. It wasn't something mandated, just something from their generous hearts. We all loved that. :) 

You can find my group-related posts under the label  "support group" on the right-hand sidebar of this blog. 


After you answer my question, please click over to read the rest of the book club questions for The Fault in Our Stars.  You can get your own copy of The Fault in Our Stars by John Green at bookstores including Amazon.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Recent reading: Plutocrats/The Great Gatsby

I didn't consciously plan to follow up reading "Plutocrats" by Chrystia Freeland with "The Great Gatsby" by F. Scott Fitzgerald -- but I finished "Plutocrats" not long before the new movie version of "The Great Gatsby" was released -- and I wanted to read Gatsby The Book before I saw Gatsby The Movie.  And the two books turned out to be remarkably complementary.

I enjoy Freeland's regular columns for The Globe & Mail, and her appearance late last year on Bill Moyers' PBS show, so I thought I would tackle "Plutocrats," an award-winning and critically lauded look at not just the 1% but the top 0.1% of the 1% -- the richest of the rich, how they got that way, and what their growing power means for the rest of us.

It's a much more readable book than you might think, full of entertaining anecdotes, and fairly well balanced. Freeland says most of the plutocrats she studied & spoke to for this book genuinely believe they are the authors of their own good fortune, through their smarts, hard work and willingness to take risks (with the corollory belief that we too could be rich if we were willing to put in the same sort of effort).  However, she details the confluence of other factors responsible for their collective rise, including globalization, deregulation, the rise of technology -- and the sheer good luck of being in the right place with the right qualifications at the right time.  She also points to similar eras in history -- 14th century Venice, for example, and what happened when the wealthy gained too much power -- as a warning. 

Says the National Post: "This is the book that 100% of the 99% should read, if they want to better know the forces battering them into eternal penury."

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"The rich are very different from you and me," F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote in one of his short stories, and wealth and its corrosive power is one of the themes of "The Great Gatsby."  I had never read "Gatsby," or any of Fitzgerald's novels, for that matter -- although I certainly knew about both (and had seen the 1974 version of the movie). It's a slim book, didn't take very long to read, but beautifully written, although in a style that we don't often see any more. (Sample memorable line: “In his blue gardens men and girls came and went like moths among the whisperings and the champagne and the stars.”)

And I found the themes and specific subject matter are still amazingly relevant to our times -- conspicuous consumption, self-reinvention, the corrupting influence of money, a culture of entitlement -- not to mention the relentless pursuit of a dream (something that many ALI-ers will relate to).  The book was written and is set in the New York City/Long Island area in the 1920s, pre-Crash & Great Depression.   

Dh (until his recent termination) & I have both worked on Bay Street -- the Wall Street of Canada -- for more than 25 years. (Dh spent about 10 years of that time on the floor of the Toronto Stock Exchange, before it closed and trading was almost completely automated -- including Black Monday, October 19, 1987, when markets crashed around the world.)  And while the vast majority of people who work on Bay Street (and I imagine Wall Street too) are like us and make a good but not spectacular living, we've both had plenty of opportunities to observe the movers & shakers who make the big bucks, who drive expensive sportscars and live in big houses and spend weekends at their "cottages" in Muskoka (with boathouses that could easily and comfortably accommodate an entire family), or their ski chalets or Florida condos in the winter, and send their kids to expensive private schools. They make the decisions and give the orders -- and then move on to the next thing on their agenda, leaving the rest of us to scurry around in their wake and produce results as best we can. When I read Fitzgerald's description of Tom and Daisy as "careless people [who] smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made” -- I knew in my bones what he meant.

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So I managed to finish Gatsby The Book just before Gatsby The Movie was released, just before Voldemort Day... and since I had nothing better to do that day and was looking for a place to hide out from all the hoopla, it was my movie of choice for the afternoon.

I dimly remember seeing the 1974 version of "The Great Gatsby," which starred Mia Farrow as Daisy & Robert Redford -- the hottest thing in movies at the time -- as Gatsby. I don't remember a whole lot about it, except that I saw it at the drive in with my mom & sister (I was 13 at the time). To be honest, the thing I remember most was not so much Redford (even though I was -- & still am -- a big fan) but a young Sam Waterston's quiet, dark charisma as Nick Carraway. (We saw "The Way We Were" around the same time, and THAT made much more of an impression.) 

Leonard DiCaprio is no Robert Redford... I am not a particularly big fan of his overall -- but he has turned in some impressive performances (my favourite probably being the immortal Jack "I'm king of the world!" Dawson in "Titanic") -- and, overall, he was a pretty good Gatsby. It was a little jarring to hear the words "old sport" coming out of his mouth (although I'm not sure there are very many actors these days who could mouth those words & make them sound natural), but his obsession with Daisy and his teenage-like angst over meeting her again was believable.

Tobey Maguire was a wide-eyed Nick, and I liked Carey Mulligan as Daisy -- but the one I really had my eyes riveted on was an Australian actress, Elizabeth Debicki, as pro golfer Jordan Baker, in only her second film. I thought she stole every scene she was in, and I hope we see more of her in the future.

Coincidentally, I read Mel's post about disliking 3-D movies just as we were heading out ...to see the movie in regular format, we would have had to drive two towns down the road and gone to either a 10:45 a.m. showing (popcorn at 10:45 a.m.??) or 3 p.m., which was a little later than we like to go to the movies on Sunday afternoon. On the other hand, the cineplex at the local mall was showing the 3-D version much earlier in the afternoon, so we decided to cough up the extra $3 each (!) & go there.

This was my very first 3-D movie.  Several of the commenters on Mel's post warned of headaches, & I did have a slight headache afterward. :p  There were a few cool things I noticed, like how the words that Nick wrote floated onto the screen, and how the credits hung midair. But I wasn't totally blown away, and I'm not really sure that 3-D added that much to the overall experience. I'd actually like to see the "flat" regular version for comparison. I think that some of the overall "look" of the movie probably had more to do with Baz Luhrmann's over the top style and it would probably look pretty flashy & colourful no matter how you viewed it.  Maybe 3-D is better suited to action or fantasy movies like "Avatar" or "Life of Pi." Whether it's worth the extra $3 a ticket is another matter. I'd say movies at the theatre are probably expensive enough these days without adding another $6 per couple to the expense. I suppose some parents feel obligated/nagged to take their kids to the 3-D versions of some movies, but being free to choose a regular 2-D movie is one of those perks of non-parenthood I am happy to claim.  :)