Right now

Right now...* 

*(A (mostly) monthly series/meme.  Explanation of how this started & my inspirations in my first "Right now" post, here. Also my first (similar) "The Current" post, here.)

April was still pretty grey & chilly -- there were still some snowflakes in the air (if not sticking to the ground) on April 19th (!) -- but towards the end of the month, the temperatures warmed up enough that we were able to open the balcony door on several afternoons.  The trees (finally) began budding out, and we could see some daffodils in the neighbourhood yards.  It's about time!!  We celebrated Easter with the family, dh had another birthday, and we made plans for another trip west to see my dad (coming up soon). 

Some of the things I/we did this month include: 

• Went to Michaels & Chapters (bookstore) to pick up a few more things for the great-niblings' Easter goodie bags. (April 1st) 
• Drove with dh into the heart of the city to have my eyes checked by the same ophthalmologist who did surgery on my right eye in July 2022. And was VERY relieved that further surgery is not needed (at least, not at this point in time)! -- see this post. (April 2nd) 
• Spent Easter with BIL & family, including SIl's two brothers and their partners/families -- 18 people in a not-huge house, including four children between the ages of 1 and 8. It was chaotic, but fun to see everyone, and dinner was excellent. 
• Shopped for groceries at the supermarket and picked up takeout soup or pizza for lunch (April 6th, 13th, 20th & 27th).  
• Went to the mall to walk & shop for a couple of hours (April 7th , 14th, 21st & 28th). 
• Our visits have been a bit shorter than usual this month (and my wallet is a bit fatter!  lol) -- Old Navy is closed for renovations until mid-June. Horrors!!  (lol)  
• Celebrated dh's birthday with takeout for dinner (Chinese -- see "Eating," below). (April 11th) 
• Returned to the mall in our old community for haircuts, lunch and shopping/walking. Also visited Katie at the cemetery. (April 17th) 
• Headed into midtown for follow-up optometrist appointments (April 22nd).  As I wrote here, new glasses (for both of us) are on hold for now, but we'll be back in October and we'll see then...! 
• Browsed at the bookstore and picked up a few things at the supermarket en route home (April 24th). 
• Drove with BIL & SIL to dh & BIL's cousin's house (the same cousin who hosts us at their cottage every year)(April 24th). He & his wife are both accountants and they do BIL & SIL's income taxes every year at this time! as well as Older Nephew's and his wife's.  (Dh does ours.) 
• (Dh went with BIL & SIL up to Older Nephew's on Sunday afternoon, April 26th, to have lunch, visit and deliver their completed income taxes. I stayed home to host a previously scheduled meeting of one of my online book clubs.)

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** 

Also right now:  

Reading: I finished 2 books in April (all reviewed on this blog, as well as Goodreads & StoryGraph, & tagged "2026 books").  Year to date, I've read 8 books,  reached 20% of my Goodreads Challenge goal, and am currently 5 books behind schedule to achieve it by year end.  

• "The Bandit Queens" by Parini Shroff (the May selection for my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club).  (4 stars;  my review.)
• "The Four Graces" by D.E. Stevenson -- re-read/readalong/discussion with my D.E. Stevenson group, which began Feb. 23 and concluded a few days ago. Original 2015 review here;  February 2026 review here. (4 stars;  latest review.)   

Current reads: 

• "Regeneration" by Pat Barker. Slow readalong with Footnotes & Tangents (April 3rd – May 14th). Currently 60% completed. 
• "The Forsyte Saga" by John Galsworthy. After mulling it over (see this post!), I accepted a commenter's suggestion to do a readalong together!  Currently 34% completed. 
• "Childless: A Woman and a Girl in a Man's World" by Fabiana Formica.  This one is beautifully written, but slow going, and I was reading it (or trying to...!) at Mom & Dad's last summer, where there were a lot of distractions. I've put it aside for the moment to focus on other reading priorities, but I've completed 33% to date.
• "L.M. Montgomery and Gender," an essay collection edited by E. Holly Pike & Laura Robinson. Slowly working my way through, in between the other books...! 

Coming up: Most of my book groups have their next reads plotted out for a few months in advance -- and listing them here helps me keep track of what I should be reading next. ;)  

• For my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club:  
• "The Ministry of Time" by Kaliane Bradley (June). (I previously read and reviewed this one, here;  rated 4.5-5 stars.) 
• "The Hacienda" by Isabel Canas (July)
• "In Memoriam" by Alice Winn (August).  (I previously read and reviewed this one, here;  4-5-5 stars.)  
• "Young Woman and the Sea" by Glenn Stout (September)
• "The Wedding People" by Alison Espach (October). (I previously read and reviewed this one, here;  rated 4-4.5 stars.)
• "The Women" by Kristin Hannah (November)
• For my D.E. Stevenson group: Next books to be determined... 

• Footnotes & Tangents slow readalongs for 2026 include:
• "The Inheritors" by William Golding (June)
• "Treacle Walker" by Alan Garner (July)
• "The Children’s Book" by A.S. Byatt (September–December)

A few recently purchased titles (all in digital format, mostly discounted ($5-10 or less) or purchased with points): 

• "Trying" by Chloe Caldwell 
• "Atmosphere" by Taylor Jenkins Reid 
• "Woman on the Edge of Time" by Marge Piercy 
• "Silences" by Tillie Olsen
• "My Real Children" by Jo Walton 

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** 

Watching: Actually watched a fair bit of new stuff this month! 

• "Finding Your Roots" (season 12) on PBS, Tuesday nights, which began in January.
• "The Forsytes" on PBS.  This started on March 22nd and ran for six  (6) episodes, ending April 26th.  I'm still reading the book ("The Forsyte Saga" by John Galsworthy -- see "Reading," above!), but (as I speculated in this previous post) the series is a "reimagining" of the novel and/or a sort of prequel to it, and not a strict adaptation -- highly soap opera-fied, and not particularly faithful to the period it's supposed to be set in (late 1880s/Victorian England). Somewhat entertaining, but... (I'll probably still watch season 2, though...!)
• "The Count of Monte Cristo" (on PBS, immediately following "The Forsytes" on Sunday nights -- it also started on March 22nd = 6 episodes of eight aired to date). Lost treasure, lost love and ridiculously complex revenge plots! with a huge cast of characters and subplots to keep track of (still not sure I have them all straight??).  But also jaw-dropping sets/locations and gorgeous costumes.  I am enjoying it!  
• Men's world curling championships in Ogden, Utah. Our Canadian rink, skipped by Matt Dunstone from Manitoba, lost the gold medal match to Sweden on April 4th.   

Playing:  

• Heardle Decades: (as of April 30th): 
• Heardle 60s: 74.1% (918/1239, 374 on first guess), down 0.1% from March 31st. Max streak: 21. 
• Heardle 70s: 74.9% (738/985, 412 on first guess), down 0.4% from March 31st. Max streak: 18. 
• Heardle 80s:  41.5% (348/838, 131 on first guess), down 0.3% from March 31st. Max. streak: 5.
• Heardle 90s: 33.3% (313/939, 81 on first guess), down 0.1% from March 31st. Max. streak: 9. 
• NYT Connections: 
• By March 31st, I had completed 594 games, won 89% of them (unchanged since Dec. 31st), including 317 "perfect puzzles" with zero errors, and 18 where I got the most difficult/purple category first (unchanged from Dec. 31st). Maximum winning streak:  45 (unchanged since June 30th).  Current streak: 3.  
• As of April 30th, I'd played 624 games and won 89% of them, including 337 "perfect puzzles" with zero errors, and 18 where I got the most difficult/purple category first. Maximum winning streak: 45 (unchanged since June 30th). Current streak: 11. 

Listening: To a couple of episodes of The Full Stop and Culture Study (with Anne Helen Petersen). 

Following:  The journey of Artemis II around the moon and back to earth, earlier this month -- with Canadian astronaut Jeremy Hansen on board, as well as the first black man and first woman to orbit the moon (and a childless woman at that!).  From its launch on April 1st to its textbook perfect splashdown on April 10th, this was a joy to follow, and a much-needed feel-good story at a dark time in the world... 

Eating/Drinking:  

• Over the past 18 months, we've been trying to eat healthier and lower our cholesterol -- and avoid having to take (more) medication -- since some less-than-stellar bloodwork results for both of us in fall 2024 and then again (for me) last November (2025, as mentioned in November's Right Now post). 
• I ended April 1.4 pounds less than when the month started.  Overall, I'm down more than 14 pounds since late October 2024 -- close to my lowest weight in more than a decade -- and more than 26 pounds from my heaviest-ever weight  (in August 2021). 
• (Dh is down more than 18 pounds overall since fall 2024.)
• We celebrated dh's birthday on April 11th with takeout from a popular Chinese chain restaurant outlet (not the healthiest stuff, but we hadn't had it in quite a while!). We usually get their "Dinner for Two," which includes 2 egg rolls, sweet & sour chicken balls, chicken chow mein, and fried rice. (Also fortune cookies, of course!)  It's a ton of food and we always have enough leftovers for another complete dinner later in the week!  
• Older Nephew's Wife sent home some leftover burgers, hot dogs and pasta salad with dh when he went up there with BIL & SIL for lunch last Sunday (while I hosted an online book club Zoom). Dh thinks pasta salad (or cold pasta anything) is gross (likewise bean salad)... his loss!  (I don't care for the peppers & cucumbers in it, but I just pick those out and eat the rest!)  
• We indulged in takeout pizza slices or soup from the supermarket, once or twice a week, for lunch and/or dinner. Saturday night takeout dinners this month included teriyaki rice bowls from the supermarket, and rotisserie chicken (baked potato on the side for me;  fries for dh) from Swiss Chalet.    
• Trying to use up what's in the fridge/cupboards as much as possible, and minimize new purchases, leading up to our upcoming trip.  We'll do a big trip to the grocery store to restock when we return.  

Wearing: The weather was mild enough overall that, by mid-month, there were several days when I was able to ditch my socks and go barefoot in the house (if not outside...!), plus switch from long to short sleeved T-shirts and long to capri-length yoga pants (again, not outside yet!). :) 

Buying (besides books, lol):  Plane tickets for our next visit to my dad, next month (at a thankfully/relatively -- and surprisingly, considering current world events and their impact on fuel prices -- reasonable price).  

Also, not exactly "buying," but we both had to pay income taxes (ouch!). 

Planning:  Our next trip to Manitoba to see my dad, and help my sister with the ongoing house cleanout and setting up Dad's new apartment (he took possession on April 30th). Sis has stacked a pile of boxes in the closet of the room where we stay for me to go through while I'm there (and sent me a photo -- see here!)(eeeekkkk....!).  

Missing:  Dh's cousin's daughter's wedding in July. We had to RSVP this week. It's the same week as my dad's 87th birthday and what would have been my parents' 66th wedding anniversary, and I think I need to be with my dad then.  I would have liked to go, though -- I have a nice dress I could have worn, and it's always fun to see everyone. (Plus, it's being held at a barn venue!! -- which is a real departure for dh's family's weddings!  I'm curious!  lol)  

Prioritizing/Trying: To tackle some of the "stuff" in my own house/condo (see above for my inspiration!  lol).  Granted, we did get rid of a lot of stuff when we moved, 10 years ago -- but there's a lot that I haven't looked at/re-evaluated since then, and there's more that can be done...!  (And I'll likely be bringing at least a few more things home with me from my Dad's house too!)  I've made progress on whittling down the magazine pile under the living room coffee table (yay me?). 

Loving:  When I actually get a good night's sleep!  ;)  

Noticing: The trees are starting to bud with leaves and blossoms!  And I've seen some daffodils, in the yards of the neighbourhood houses. Yay!!  :)  

Appreciating:  Being able to have the balcony door open, even slightly, on several days this month. 

Wanting:  I feel like I'm always writing this (lol), but -- what I just said above aside -- I want nicer weather!  I am sick of this winter!! 

Wondering:  When it's going to be warm enough outside to warrant a trip to the gelato shop??  ;)  

Hoping:  That we can get downtown to the AGO (Art Gallery of Ontario) to see the Paul McCartney photo exhibit that's on there until June 7th. (Which might be difficult, given that we'll be away for two of the remaining weeks the exhibit is on...) I don't think I've been downtown since I met Mel and her family for dinner, two summers ago! 

                        

Feeling: Glad that it's (finally!) starting to feel at least a little bit like spring (even if it's taken its sweet time getting here...!).  A little dazed at how quickly the days, weeks, and this year generally so far are passing by. (How is it May already??)  Sad that this upcoming visit will likely be the last time I spent with my dad & sister in our family home of the past 42 years. :(  Missing my mom. :(   

A few odds & ends

A couple of articles/posts to share: 

• Tracey Cleantis Dwyer -- formerly at "La Belette Rouge" (a blog which no longer exists) -- has returned to blogging via Substack!  Check out "The Next Happy Project." 
• I highly recommend Tracey's 2015 book "The Next Happy," which is all about letting go of the life you had planned -- something Tracey, who is childless after infertility, knows a lot about. 
• Disclosure:  I'm in the book. :)  I answered survey questions for Tracey as part of her research.  I also reviewed the book on my blog not long after it was published, here. 
• This Sunday, March 15th is "Mothering Sunday" in Britain, and The Full Stop community and podcast has published a post on Linked In with suggestions for "Navigating Mother's Day When You're Childless Not by Choice." (Also very applicable for Mother's Day in May, here in North America & elsewhere in the world.)  

Non-ALI/CNBC related:  

• It wasn't just our imaginations -- this winter really was as cold and snowy as it seemed, the Toronto Star confirms by looking at the historical weather data.  
• The time changed last weekend -- and it struck me that my mother was no longer here to complain about it (as she always, always did!).  Wherever she is now, I know it's a place where time is meaningless. Enjoy, Mom.  :)  
• This coming weekend (Sunday night) is the Oscars. 
• I used to follow the Oscar races like a hawk (I even won the office Oscar pool once!), and tried to see as many of the nominated movies as I could (the ones that interested me, anyway).  These days, I think I am only aware of "Hamnet" (with its ties to a well-known book and its grief/child loss theme -- not to mention Paul Mescal, lol), but not many of the other nominees.  
• Mel recently posted about "The Last Movie I Saw;" I think the last one I saw in-theatre was "1917" (which was very good, and one of those movies that really deserves to be seen in a theatre). The pandemic began not long after that and, well, you know the rest. We used to go to the movies, perhaps not every Sunday, but usually at least one Sunday a month. Many things have returned to some form of normalcy since then, but we still haven't been back to the theatre.  I am not sure how we got out of the habit, but we did.  I do miss it sometimes. 
• Nevertheless, I will be watching on Sunday.  :) 
• This will be my first Oscar night without my Mom. :(  She always watched, and when I was growing up, she would let me stay up late -- on a school night! -- to watch with her. I more recent years, I would always call her before the show started (even though she hadn't been to a movie theatre in years either). 
• I'm sure she will be watching from wherever she is now.  And I hope there's a bottomless bucket of popcorn, and that it doesn't bother her stomach, as it did in her later years (to the point that she had to stop eating it).  

Accumulated odds & ends

I haven't been that diligent about compiling notable stuff I've read lately, but for what it's worth, here are a few links!  (Some are a little dated, but no less readable!) 

• Have any of you seen the movie "Hamnet" yet, or read the book it's based on, by Maggie O'Farrell? I have done neither -- yet -- although I would like to partake of both. (For one thing, I think Paul Mescal is an amazing young actor.)  
• An online group of loss mothers that I belong to were debating whether to see it or not -- drawn to the themes of grief and loss of a child, and yet wondering whether it would hit a little too close to home? 
• I really appreciated the perspective offered in this post from Jennie Agg, who writes a Substack about pregnancy loss and grief called Life, Almost, about "Hamnet" the movie, and whether it's "grief porn" (as some are apparently describing it). 
• **NOTE: there are spoilers about the movie, including specific scenes and how they unfold. Also, Agg has a living child.**
• Excerpt: 

...for me, the film’s presentation of loss and grief is nuanced, considered, grounded in something true.

...What do we mean when we dismiss something as ‘grief porn’? I guess it’s implying something gratuitous, debasing, bordering on shameful.

Which is interesting when you consider the way many bereaved parents today often describe being made to feel, shamed into silence: it’s too much, we don’t need to hear it.

• Anne Helen Petersen (childfree by choice) -- whose Culture Study community has moved over from Substack to Patreon -- has been giving a lot of coverage to infertility and childless/free topics recently. A couple of highlights (I'm not sure whether some of these may be paywalled?):  
• A series of occasional posts titled "Big No-Kids Energy," about the joys of not having kids. 
• Here's the kickoff post where Anne explains what the series is about. 
• Anne has interviewed several childfree & childless people/couples for the series about their no-kids life. The most recent subject was Cathy, who is 60-something and childless not by choice, but making the most of things. She was a delight to read about. :)  
• A Culture Study podcast episode featuring a standup comedienne, about being a "childless freak" (!) that will have you nodding! The comment section is worth a read too.  :) 
• An earlier podcast episode (from back in early February) about "The Heartbreaking (and Largely Unregulated) Business of IVF."  A lot of what's discussed would not be surprising to many of us, but it might be an eye-opener for people not intimately acquainted with the fertility industry.  
• I made a comment that's received the most "likes." In part, I said: 
  

One point I will take exception to:  the comment that "IVF works! -- it's very effective."  IVF is still (almost 50 years after the first IVF baby was born) very much a crapshoot.  Your odds of success might be better if you're in your 20s or early 30s -- and/or if you have the money and stamina to endure multiple cycles -- but once you hit 40,  they drop like a stone. There are many of us out here who went through infertility treatments and did not wind up with a child. You just don't hear about us. Clinics certainly don't want to acknowledge our existence, and patients currently in treatment don't want to hear about us either. 

I would also add that most clinics are abysmal at providing emotional support & counselling to their patients going through treatment -- and even less is available for those of of us who aren't successful. Even a referral to an outside counsellor, or a pamphlet listing resources we might consult would be helpful.  Any support I got was entirely the result of my own research.  

• Carrie Hauskins, who is childless after pregnancy loss and infertility, writes at Blooming With Care about the matter of "Heirlooms for No One" -- dealing with things from a childless aunt, as well as wondering about her own stuff after she's gone (something I think about a lot, especially as my childfree sister & I go through the painful process of emptying out our parents' house...). Excerpt: 

I told her we weren’t having kids, and when she said I could pass down her things to my children, I didn’t correct her. She knew the truth. And she still gave me her things. If she didn’t want to believe that her lineage of items will end with me, that’s her problem to work through, not mine. She was aware that I’m a dead end in our family's genealogy. 

 

...Legacy used to mean what I would pass down to my children. Today, it means deciding what to do with the ring once I melt it down. It might not mean the same thing five years from now. But for today, I think of my kooky aunt and her curmudgeonly way of life. I might not inherit her moods, but I do love the quirky jewelry. I do plan on having an eccentric estate sale. One that people line up for early in the morning and wraps around the block. Would my aunt love that? Who knows? It’s my legacy.  

• Katie Dunn at Afterglow (childless after infertility) ponders a question that doesn't get enough attention --"IVF doesn't work for everyone. So when do you stop?" -- and explains her own process for making that difficult decision. 
• Katie Hawkins-Gaar at My Sweet Dumb Brain writes movingly about grief, nine years after her first husband's death:  "The Grief Math Changed This Year." 
• "Anyone Can Be an Auntie. It’s a State of Mind," proclaims a New York Times Magazine article by Maya L. Kapoor. 

#MicroblogMondays: Odds & ends

• 
  Lana Manikowski at "Infertile and Childless. So Now What?" nails it in "The Grief That Comes Without a Funeral." (Italics & boldface from the original text.) 

Here’s what few people understand: infertility grief isn’t just about a failed IVF cycle or a miscarriage. It’s about the futures we already built in our imagination. The baby names we whispered. The vacations we dreamed of as a family. The family photos we pictured on holiday cards. Every negative test isn’t just a single “no.” It’s another lifetime quietly slipping away, one no one else even knew existed. That’s why it feels so heavy, because you’re mourning futures no one else will ever acknowledge. There are no condolences. No casseroles. Just silence.

• "On the Outside," Y.L. Wolfe tells it like is: "Childless Women Do Not Need Your Unsolicited Advice."  Subheading:  "Yes, we've considered all the options, and no, we don't want to talk about it with strangers."  PREACH!! 

Small excerpt: 

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. The truth is, childless women make people uncomfortable. We’re living proof that life doesn’t always go the way you want it to. Our very presence inspires people’s worst fears and thus, I suspect, they feel unconsciously desperate to comfort themselves by acting like this is a problem that could easily be fixed.

• Y.L. Wolfe's writing is always great, but (as an amateur genealogist) I especially loved this article she wrote for Medium (which may or may not be paywalled?):  "The Unexpected Branching of a Childless Woman’s Family Tree." (Subhead: "Expanding the meaning of legacy for women who didn’t get the chance to have children.")  Excerpt: 

I don’t believe for a moment that our line ends here. That our existence won’t still reach as far into the future as it does into the past.

Branches will grow out from us, whether we have children or not.

and 

It’s important to remember that legacy isn’t just about biology...  you’re passing on parts of yourself to everyone you come across, whether you are related to them or not... there are countless ways to pass down your family values, your ideals, your wisdom, mostly in a manner that cannot be quantified or measured.

In fact, you’ll likely never know the impact you have made on the people in your life and the ripple effect that will have long after you are gone, on people you’ll never meet.

Legacy is a much bigger concept than we’ve been led to believe.

• Ali Hall at "Life Without Children" ponders "Why We Need To Change the Language Used for People Without Children" (subhead: "And all the ways 'childfree' and 'childless' are used against us"). (Not sure I like her proposed alternative... the quest continues...!)  
• This wasn't the first post I read musing about language choices for those of us living without children, and I'm certain it won't be the last...!  In fact -- the third post I ever wrote for this blog -- back in November 2007! -- explored a similar question:  "Am I childLESS or childFREE?" 

• Well worth a listen:  Jody Day chats with Zoe Noble of  'We Are Childfree" (which is both a Substack and a podcast, available on many podcast platforms, such as Spotify). 

• Not ALI-related, but another thoughtful & interesting piece from Charlie Angus at "The Resistance," about the most famous political assassination in Canadian history (not that there have been a lot of them -- and thank goodness for that!). I thought some of you might find it interesting! 
• As I mentioned in this post from 2017 (about a trip to Ottawa), as a high school senior taking part in the Rotary Club's Adventure in Citizenship program, I was being driven to Parliament Hill on the first morning, and the man driving me pointed to a street corner in passing and said, "Over there is the spot where where they shot D'Arcy McGee."  I had only a hazy idea of who D'Arcy McGee was at that point, but his remark stuck with me, and I looked him up when I got home, (We passed by the plaque marking the spot on that 2017 trip -- the same one pictured in the Substack post -- and I took a photo of it. We also had dinner at D'Arcy McGee's pub, also mentioned and pictured in the post.)  
• I vividly remember the other assassination mentioned, which took place 100+ years later, in October 1970 -- the "October Crisis," in which separatist terrorists kidnapped Quebec cabinet minister Pierre Laporte and British diplomat James Cross in Montreal, and murdered Laporte. (Cross was released.) I was 9 years old at the time, and one of my school friends told us Laporte had been beheaded (!). Her father was an RCMP officer, so we figured she would know. (He wasn't; the poor man was strangled.)  

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

#MicroblogMondays: Odds & ends

• 
  "I had an accident," my 86-year-old father sheepishly confessed over the phone on Sunday afternoon. (!!!)  VERY thankfully!! he's fine!  
• However! -- the wall between the garage and the laundry/mud room of the house is not. :( 
• He was bringing the car into the garage when it started raining on Friday. His foot slipped on the brake and the car crashed into the wall. (!)  :(  There is a sizeable dent in the wall that I am told you can see daylight through. (My sister was there this weekend, and has promised to send photos.) 
• Funnily enough, the car came through with barely a scratch too. 
• It will probably cost several thousand dollars to repair the wall -- money that my parents do not have to spare. ("Dust off your chequebook,"  my sister told me grimly.)  My sister's partner has boarded up the crash site to keep out the cold, rodents, etc., until it can be fixed.   
• The potentially good (?) news to come out of this is that my parents have agreed to add their names to the waiting lists for seniors housing in several different places in town this week -- something we've been wanting them to do for several years now. 
• I always thought it would probably take a crisis of some sort to get them to move. I'm just glad it wasn't something worse! 
• Big changes to come in the next few months/year, I think...  :(  
• World Childless Week is over and (sadly, as is often the case for me), I still haven't read or watched very many of the wonderful offerings now available on the WCW 2025 website. If you haven't yet done it yourself, go have a look! 
• I did manage to post something every day during WCW about the daily theme and any relevant posts I've written, all tagged "WCW 2025." 
• Seasonal allergies haven't bothered me much in recent years -- and when they have, it's usually in late May/early June. But this past week or two, I've been suffering through violent sneezing fits, scratchy throat & ears;  itchy, burning, sticky eyes; fatigue.... ugh. I've been taking Claritin daily since this started, which usually does the trick... I'm feeling somewhat better this weekend (fingers crossed...!), but it sure took its time kicking in...!  
• I know everyone advises you to close the windows & run an air purifier, but I hate to do that when it's been so nice outside (and the time that we can do that is rapidly dwindling, as temperatures start to drop...!). 
• I was so sad to hear that Robert Redford died this past week. (How was he 89?!!).  
• I fell in love with Redford at age 12 when I saw him (and Paul Newman! -- were there ever two more gorgeous men on screen, together or separately??) in "The Sting." (I didn't get to see "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" until several years later, on TV.) 
• My sister & I saw it with our two cousins, while our parents watched "Blazing Saddles" -- rated R -- in an adjacent theatre. And "The Exorcist" was playing in the theatre right next to ours.  I remember my cousin pressing his ear against the wall to see if he could hear people screaming, lol. 
• A few years later, my mom took my sister & me to the drive-in theatre -- on a school night! (such was the power of Redford back then...!) -- to see "The Great Gatsby." (But first, we had to sit through "The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad" -- what a double bill!!)  
• We saw "The Way We Were" around the same time.  And, in the years that followed, "The Great Waldo Pepper," "All the President's Men" (which I wrote about here), "Three Days of the Condor," "Sneakers," "The Natural," "Out of Africa" (saw that one on one of my birthdays), "The Horse Whisperer," and so many more -- not to mention the amazing movies he directed -- among them "Ordinary People," "Quiz Show," and "A River Runs Through It." 
• I was reminded of a popular dessert from the 1970s (which my mom still makes from time to time). It was commonly known as "Better Than Sex"(lol) -- but on my Mom's recipe card, it's called "The Next Best Thing to Robert Redford" (or simply "Robert Redford"), lol. 
• I realized the minute I mentioned this dessert, someone was going to ask for the recipe -- and while I think I have a copy somewhere, I took the easy way out and Googled, and sure enough, up it popped. If this isn't the exact same recipe my mom had, it's pretty close!  Enjoy! 
• ALI note:  Did you know Redford and his first wife Lola lost their first son Scott to SIDS in 1959?  He was just two months old. :(   (His parents were in their early 20s.) He also lost his second son, James, in 2020, to cancer, when James was 58.  
• They don't make 'em like that anymore... 
• While dh watched the first NFL game of the season on a recent Sunday afternoon, involving his beloved Pittsburgh Steelers, I blocked out the cursing and yelling (lol) by catching up on some podcast episodes, including a couple from The Full Stop.
• I also listened to episode #71 -- the one I appeared on with Sandra McNicol in February, talking about childlessness and pregnancy loss. (I posted about it here.) This was the first time I'd actually listened to the finished episode on audio only, although I'd watched a video recording the day after we recorded it. Maybe it was because I was actually just LISTENING and not WATCHING myself on a screen too, or maybe enough time has passed, but it was (thankfully!) not as difficult to listen to at this point..
• Y.L. Wolfe muses "This Is Why We Hate Childfree Women"  ("we" = society). (The answer is in her subhead:  "They represent everything the patriarchy fears.")  
• British podcaster and author Elizabeth Day had an article in The Guardian recently about a life-changing call with a psychic. (There's an ALI angle.)  
• I've been following Charlie Angus's Substack, "The Resistance," for a while now. Charlie is a year or two younger than me, a punk rocker in his youth (!) who still plays in a band, and who was, until recently, a member of Parliament from the New Democratic Party (NDP), representing the riding in northern Ontario where he was born. He's been one of the most vocal and effective advocates for a strong, independent Canada in recent months. 
• This particular post is about the Group of Seven (a group of influential 20th century Canadian artists), and how Tom Thomson's famous painting "The Jack Pine" personifies and symbolizes the country and our spirit of survival and resistance. 
• As a proud Canadian, and a member at the McMichael Canadian Art Collection, which has a large holding of Group of Seven artwork, this one struck a chord. ;)  
• I appreciated this Substack post from Garrett Bucks at The White Pages about social media and the role it plays in building community, for good and for bad:  "The Internet is Killing Us." 
• In a similar vein:  I'm an unpaid subscriber to Katherine May's Substack "The Clearing," and while most of this post -- also about social media -- is paywalled, I completely agree with her thoughts in the portion that's visible (particularly the second paragraph I've quoted here):  

I was one of the true believers in the early days of Twitter, and I’m still grateful for so much of what I’ve found and learned across the various platforms I’ve been on. But I think, on both a personal and professional basis, social media has become unmanageable. It’s addictive by design, primed to draw us into tribalism and conflict, and - unless your creative practice is making short videos - a major distraction from the work that matters.




And yet; and yet. I’m averse to the view that social media is uniformly evil or dangerous; I still believe that it can bring isolated people together in a way that we’ve never seen before. I don’t think I’ll ever be the kind of author who does no socials at all. I love the opportunity to be in contact with the the people who read my books and with other authors. I often think of how unnerving the author’s life must once have been before we could do this: sending out books into silence, and perhaps waiting months for any response.




So I remain on social media, but in a far more controlled way than I once did... 

I've been trying (trying!) to wean myself away from social media a bit, especially the mindless scrolling. I still have a Twitter/X account, but rarely go on there. I'm on Bluesky & Threads, but try to limit the time I spend scrolling there. I am not on TikTok. 

On Facebook, I generally just go straight to "Feeds/Friends," where I only see content posted by my friends. (There's a feed for "Groups" too.)  Depending on the friends (lol), I may not may not be interested in or agree with what they post (but that's where the "mute" button comes in handy, lol), but the "Friends" feed is much more curated than just scrolling through the random stuff in the general feed, and I get to see more of the stuff that matters to me -- i.e., my friends' posts -- which is what I came to social media for in the first place.  

• Infertile Phoenix has noticed a substantial increase in the number of views her blog has been getting lately, and asked readers to indicate if they're human (or bots?).  
• Someone commented on Phoenix's post to say it was probably "'referral spam—fake visits that try to show up in your Google Analytics so you’ll click the link or buy their “traffic” service. It’s noise, not real customers.'" That's good to know. 
• I don't often look at my stats -- I've never been one to worry about increasing readership and getting clicks, etc; I'm just happy if people who are looking for support and want to feel less alone find my blog. 
• But I was curious, so I had a look. Sure enough, there's been a SUBSTANTIAL spike in page views recently. If I look at the trends over time, there was a small spike in mid-2023, a larger spike in early 2024, and then a HUGE spike this past month, peaking at almost 86,000 views on Sept. 19th alone (an all-time high)! That's BONKERS!! (compared to what I was getting in years gone by). 
• The U.S. is still a top source of viewers, but I've had a huge uptick in viewers from Hong Kong, Singapore and Brazil, among others.  
• "Referral spam" or not, it's a bit creepy. I wonder if AI is scraping my blog (our blogs?) to fuel its databases... or possibly (even worse) whether childless women are being targeted and monitored in some way for political purposes?    
• I try not to get too overtly political here -- but it seems like everything is political these days, especially when it comes to women, reproductive matters, and those of us who have deviated from the "norm" (even when that's been despite our desires and best efforts). 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

More odds & ends

• In a recent Substack post, Jill Filipovic discussed adoption and the still-prevalent (and increasing) existence of maternity homes in the U.S. -- many of them affiliated with the evangelical Christian right -- with journalist T.J. Raphael. Raphael spent two years investigating this subject and has a new podcast called "Liberty Lost," about one such maternity home on the campus of Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University.
• Many of Filipovic's posts are paywalled for subscribers, but this one seems to be public (so far!). 
• Also on Substack, Ali Hall muses on "Why We Need To Abolish the Phrase ‘As a Mother…’" (and absolutely NAILS it!).  (Hear, hear!!) 
• I'm ALREADY seeing back-to-school posts (from the U.S.) in my social media feeds!!  And here in the Toronto area, the CNE/Canadian National Exhibition -- think state fair -- started today and runs through Labout Day -- a sure sign that summer is almost over!  
• On a related note: Dr. Loree Johnson offers some advice on "Coping with Back-to-school When Facing Infertility or Loss."  (Or childlessness!) 
• Sue Fagalde Lick is winding down her Childless by Marriage blog. (It will still be around;  she's just not going to write anything new for it -- but you can still find her writing on Substack as well as her other blogs.)  You don't have to be "childless by marriage" to appreciate her penultimate post, "Your Childless by Marriage Survival Guide," in which she offers tips on navigating some of the most common scenarios facing childless women. 
• At "The Auntie Bulletin," Lisa Sibbett chats with Ragon and Kelly of the Kindred Spirits Book Club podcast about the the role of aunties and alloparents and "found family" in Lucy Maud Montgomery's classic novel "Anne of Green Gables."  As you all know I am a huge, lifelong Montgomery fan, but this discussion still gave me a few new points to think about!  Well done!  

Odds & ends

• After reading this article about a mother's grief  over the loss of not just one but BOTH of her (teenaged/young adult) sons (!), I immediately added the book she's written to my wish list.  
• Related article from The Guardian. 
•  This story -- about bereaved parents from British Columbia, who mistakenly received an itemized bill for their stillborn daughter's autopsy (!) -- but not the ashes they were expecting -- was featured on the CBC National news recently.
• The doctor interviewed points to the lack of standards when dealing with pregnancy loss across Canada. It's infuriating to realize how little has changed, certainly in the 27 years since my own loss, and it's been going on a LOT longer than that! 
• I found a "print" version of the story on CBC's website too, which includes two radio/podcast links to listen to (one that's 23 minutes long). I have not listened to that one yet. 
• While I was searching for a link for that story, I found another recent story related to pregnancy loss and Mother's Day from CBC British Columbia, and thought I'd share it with you all (even though Mother's Day was several weeks ago).  
• I found this link via Sari Botton's Substack, I think: "I Was Devastated By The Death Of My Newborn Baby. This Unexpected TV Show Helped Me Feel Alive Again." (Subhead: "I laughed — out loud — for the first time in weeks. I had forgotten that I still knew how.")  
• I felt/feel the same way about the book "Bridget Jones's Diary" by Helen Fielding. I've written about my fondness for the book many times before (here, for example). It made me laugh at a time I never thought I'd laugh again. 
• I don't remember latching on to a sitcom the same way, but during the 2+ months I was at home I watched lots of episodes of "The View" (which was still pretty new, I think) and Oprah, as well "A Wedding Story" on TLC.  I could NOT watch "A Baby Story," for obvious reasons, but the wedding stuff was something I could get enjoy. 
• In the Globe & Mail, Aviva Coopersmith asks "Who's my dad?"  and calls for the end of donor gamete anonymity. (Gift link) 
• On the Life Without Children Substack, Charlie Brown asks (in a piece that originally ran on Medium): "How Do You Grieve For Infertility When There Is Always Another Potential Route to Parenthood?"   Sample passage:  

...I feel the weighty expectation that I should try to be a parent by any means necessary, regardless of how much it costs or how stressful and traumatic the process is. I feel the expectation that my own feelings should be shelved as I relentlessly slog through parenting alternatives.

Don’t grieve, it’s not over yet!

When you’re infertile, it’s never over. There is always another round of IVF. Another donor egg to procure. Another sperm donor to use. Another vulnerable child to adopt. And of course, there’s always another payment plan to help make your dreams come true.

• And on her own Substack, On the Outside, Y.L. Wolfe turns the spotlight on the long-ignored power of single & childless women.  A couple of excerpts:  

We aren’t just a demographic that is doing some heavy lifting in society and outperforming many other demographics, but we literally have enough numbers to qualify us as a force to be reckoned with.

We have the power, we have the competence, and we have the numbers.

No wonder they are afraid of the “cat ladies” of America!

and (and this is SO true, I think!!) 

I often think that childless women must scare the shit out of mothers, the same way that childfree women scare men. Childfree women remind men (and all of society, I might add) that women have a choice in what they do with their lives, something our society desperately doesn’t want women to remember. Childless women remind mothers (and again, all of society) that we can make choices…and things still might not work out the way we planned, something our society desperately wants to deny.

Women without children are a scary demographic. And what does it mean when society is scared of a demographic? It means we have power.

And that’s why society works so goddamn hard to try to convince us we don’t.

• I'm not sure whether non-subscribers can access this? But Anne Helen Petersen (who is childfree by choice) hosts a Culture Study podcast on Substack, as well as her Substack newsletter -- and she recently did an episode on the subject of "intensive parenting trends." I have not listened to the episode yet (although I've browsed the transcript) -- but I read her intro, as well as the comments.  She said (in part): 

People often ask me why I care so much about parenting when I am not, myself, a parent. This question is always so weird to me — of course I care about parenting norms, because I’m surrounded by parents! The choices that parents make (in the voting booth, as consumers, as community members, as friends) have so many direct and indirect effects on my life and everyone’s lives. Plus I’m always interested in how people try and make sense of a ton of contradictory information and “best practices” about how to be in the world, and whew, that is contemporary parenting right now.

I commented:  

That first paragraph -- so true! Thank you for that, AHP (from another non-parent, albeit it was not a choice on my part). Just because we don't have kids doesn't mean we aren't interested. (To a point, anyway, lol.)

To which AHP responded: 

LOL LORI YES

(LOL indeed...!)  

• Finally, this is a really, really excellent article that is definitely worth a read:  "If you’re 50, childless, and people keep asking “don’t you regret it?”—here’s what psychology says."  Extremely well said!