30 Posts in 30 Days: Day 30: A dream for the future

This one is easy: my dream for the future is a long, happy, active & healthy retirement for me & dh -- and hopefully sooner, rather than later...!

30 Posts in 30 Days: Day 29: Hopes, dreams & plans for the next 365 days

2010 has been a big year for me, dh & our families -- full of milestones.

In 2011, I have a personal milestone coming up -- & my hope/dream/plan is to celebrate it by taking my very first sunspot vacation sometime in January-February. : )

I hope things at work settle down -- new boss, new organizational structure (just announced) -- although it seems there are always changes happening to stir the pot...!

And I hope we will get more projects done around the house next year than we did in 2010. :p Perhaps the knowledge that we'll be hosting dh's cousins' barbecue in 2012 will be the kick in the rear we need...!

30 Posts in 30 Days: Day 28: What's in your handbag/purse

I love purses. We're not talking Coach or Dolce & Gabbana here, mind you. The most expensive purse I've ever bought was probably around $150 (from Danier Leather), & most of them are in the $50 territory. I bought a great purse on sale at Target for under $20 a few years ago when I was in the States visiting my uncle, & used it for years until it started wearing out around the edges.

But there's something about a nice new purse that lifts the spirits. Most of my purses are basic black, but I do like to change them with the seasons. The one I'm using right now is a sort of taupe (see photo above), the one I used this summer was white, & I have a shiny red crocodile-type one that I bought last Christmas that was fun.

At the same time, I'm very picky about my purses. When I find a purse I like, I tend to hang onto it until it falls apart. Any purse I buy must be a shoulder bag, with lots of pockets & compartments, fairly big -- but not TOO big, because I tend to overstuff it, which is not good for my back, neck & shoulders (have learned that the hard way...!).

Inside my bag right now (in various compartments):

• two pens
• miniature pack of Kleenex
• several rolls of Lifesavers Breathsavers peppermints
• almost finished package of Trident peppermint gum
• glasses case with cleaning cloth
• clip-on sunglasses
• miniature bottle of Purell
• fold-up hairbrush
• makeup bag holding miniature bottles of Motrin & Tylenol, a bottle of Benadryl & a package of Rolaids Vanilla soft chews
• makeup bag holding small mirror, emery board, glasses cleaning cloth, eye drops, tube of Vaseline, tube of Neutrogena lip balm, small pair of fold-up scissors (no makeup -- it's the weekend!)
• two epi-pens (one on the verge of expiry, one new one to replace it)
• copy of results from my allergist & list of foods related to my various allergies (some have been problem foods, some not)
• user's guide for my cellphone (which tells you how often I use it...!)
• various coupons
• ziploc bag with a small supply of pads, in case AF decides to drop by unexpectedly
• two keychains, one with the housekeys, etc., & one with the car keys
• cellphone
• gold case containing a few business cards & a built-in solar-powered calculator
• "cross in my pocket" which I got in church one time
• a rather bedraggled rabbit's foot
• a notebook with a key & quarter taped to it & a hilarious (to me) note that a high school friend gave to me as a joke gift for Christmas more than 30 years ago -- it's been in my purse ever since then
• a very overstuffed wallet (my wallets must also have lots & lots of pockets & slots) which includes: change (I generally dump it out at night but usually keep one or two loonies & toonies, just in case); cash in bills; subway tokens; transit pass; assorted coupons; "angel in my pocket" token; various giftcards with various amounts on them; cheques & chequebook register; lottery tickets to be checked; two strips of photos of me & dh from airport photo booths -- one from Toronto in 1983 and one from our 1985 honeymoon in Calgary; two old wallet-sized photos of dh; & a huge assortment of cards: driver's license, health card, assorted hospital cards; credit & debit cards, office access cards, loyalty/points cards, etc, etc, etc.

What's in yours?

30 Posts in 30 Days: Day 27: Your worst habit

Dh will tell you: I'm a pack rat. Not "Hoarders"-worthy, but I do find it difficult to throw things out. Even when I know I need to tackle a certain pile of stuff, it's sometimes difficult to find the time or motivation to tackle it. We don't have a lot of storage space in our house, & stuff tends to pile up because I don't always know where to put it.

I find I do my best deep cleaning/purging/reorganizing when I have a big chunk of time to myself -- but that's not very often. If dh is around (which he almost always is), he tends to hover over me saying stuff like, "Throw it out! How about this? How about that? More! More!" Which raises my contrarian hackles & makes me want to dig in my heels, lol. ; )

I think the mere thought of having to sort through 20 years worth of accumulated stuff, purge & pack it all, is one reason why we haven't moved!

30 Posts in 30 Days: Day 26: Your week, in great detail

Most of the days of the working week follow the same pattern I just described in the previous post ("Your day, in great detail"). It used to be that I had yogalates classes on Monday nights during the fall & winter, & our support group meetings on the first and third Thursday nights of the month, but yogalates is no longer being offered (at least, at the convenient location where I took classes) & we stepped down from facilitating last December.

Once every week or so, dh has to take his turn on a rotating schedule, working until 6:30. If I have a lot of work to do myself, or the weather looks really crappy, I stay late too, work until about 6, then walk down to the train station & wait for him there. He comes flying up the stairs about 5 minutes or less before the express train departs; if we miss that one, we have to wait another half hour for the next (non-express) train (& if we miss THAT one, there's not another train for another hour).

But if I'm tired, I head home by myself. Because I don't drive, I take the bus home from the train station & walk from the bus stop (which is not very far). I'm generally home between 5:45 & 6 p.m. I immediately get dinner started -- generally a simple casserole that's ready to eat by the time dh gets home around 7:30. Once it's in the oven, I get changed, take off my makeup, turn on the suppertime news, & enjoy some quiet computer time until dh gets home.

Friday nights, because we don't have to get up at 5 a.m., we sometimes stay up later than our usual 10 p.m. -- although we generally don't make it past 10 or 11 (how pathetic!). We sleep in -- but of course, when you get up at 5 every morning, "sleeping in" generally means until about 7 or 8 (sigh). (Feels good, though!) We have breakfast, I make coffee for dh & tea for me, & we spend some lazy time on the couch with our mugs & the newspapers.

Once we're finished, by 9 or 10, I start cleaning the house & doing laundry. In the summertime, dh goes outside to mow the lawn (never earlier than 10 -- although some of our neighbours have been out there at 8:30 or 9 -- grrrr....), & once he's finished that, he comes inside & does the vacuuming. We pause for some lunch around 12 & then continue. We try to wrap things up & get into the shower by around 3, & head out for dinner around 4:30-5.

Yes, I know that's early. We like to joke that we're practicing to be senior citizens -- but seriously? Out here in the suburbs, most of the restaurants tend to be the chain/family variety. And if you try to go out around 6, you will inevitably wind up standing around a crowded waiting area for anywhere from 30 to 60 minutes, along with mobs of young families trying to shush their whiny toddlers. (Just what every infertile couple wants, right?) ; ) Not to mention that my husband is among the least patient men in the world when it comes to waiting in line for ANYTHING, let alone food. And, frankly, by 5, we're both generally pretty hungry. Because we're away from home for lunch for the week, we don't tend to keep a lot of "lunchy" stuff in the house & the pickings can sometimes be a little on the slim side.

So we take our chances earlier with the seniors, lol. The number of restaurants we eat at has become sadly limited since I started having issues with food reactions. :( But we've found three or four "reliables" that each have a couple of dishes that I know are "safe" for me to eat. Dh could care less about eating out & would probably eat all his meals at home, if he could, but I like having at least one meal out together a week -- kind of like when we were first dating. ; ) We rarely have alcohol, appetizers or desserts, which helps to keep the bills down.

After dinner, we almost always make the pilgrimage to our local megabookstore. There's a Starbucks attached, so we pick up coffees & spend the next hour having a leisurely browse. Usually the afternoon crowd has thinned, so it's not too noisy, although some nights are better than others.

From there, at least once & sometimes twice a month, we drive directly to FIL's house to visit. Usually BIL & SIL & sometimes one or both of our nephews come (from the other end of the city). We sit around the big table in the kitchen, eating & talking.

If it's not a visiting night, & it's in the summer ( = light outside), we will stop at the cemetery for a visit with Katie. Then to the supermarket to pick up some groceries for the coming week. And then home, where we spend a quiet evening, reading our new books, watching TV, playing on the computer.

Sundays we sleep in again & watch CBS Sunday Morning with our tea & coffee. Take our showers & make & eat some lunch while we listen to The Vinyl Cafe on CBC Radio at noon. We used to go out for brunch a lot, but we ran into the same issues with huge lineups everywhere ; ) & decided we really didn't need to be eating out for both Saturday night dinner AND Sunday brunch.

Sometimes we decide to go see a movie (sometimes we go to the earliest show & have popcorn for lunch!). If we haven't been to see Katie, we go to the cemetery; if we were at FIL's the night before, we probably headed straight home afterwards, so we do our grocery shopping on Sunday afternoon (although the store tends to be a lot busier). Sometimes we find ourselves back at the bookstore. Dh tends to get a little stir-crazy if he doesn't get out of the house for at least a little while, although I don't mind so much.

Sunday night, we generally make a casserole or something else with leftovers, so that at least one dinner during the week is taken care of. ; ) I call my parents while it's in the oven, or after we've eaten, & catch up on the news with them. After dinner we watch TV (60 Minutes, if the stories are good; The Simpsons; Battle of the Blades, when it's on) 7 start getting ready for the week ahead. If I have ironing to do, I set up my board in the living room & work at it while we watch.

And that's about it. Pretty quiet. Not terribly exciting. ; ) But as dh says, sometimes routine gets monotonous -- until you get away from your routine for too long, & realize how much you miss it, lol.

30 Posts in 30 Days: Day 25: Your day, in great detail

4:53 a.m. Alarm clock rings. Dh hits snooze button.

5:00 a.m. Get up, shower, do hair & skincare routine & head downstairs for breakfast (oatmeal & OJ). Glance at the morning papers while I eat.

6:00 a.m. Finish breakfast, head back upstairs. Brush teeth, make bed, get dressed & put on makeup. Pack up briefcase. Leave the house with dh & drive to the train station. Get on the train to the city. Read papers while dh sleeps. Once in the city, walk through the underground concourse to our office tower. Stop at the Second Cup for tea. Say goodbye to dh before he takes the elevator up to his floor & I to mine.

7:45 a.m. Arrive at my cubicle & unpack briefcase. Fill water bottle at the cooler. Turn on PC & check e-mail. Peek at a few message boards & blogs & sip my tea before starting work.

10:00 a.m. Tea time! I used to go for tea with my officemate/girlfriend -- we'd sit in the food court & talk for a few minutes -- but since she retired four years ago, I just grab a tea & take it back upstairs -- perhaps a stop at the newsstand to buy some mints or check out the new magazines.

12:30ish Lunch (one hour). If it's not too busy, I'll take the full hour & run errands &/or browse in the stores in the underground concourse. Occasionally meet a friend for lunch; otherwise, bring something from the food court back to my desk to eat. (I hate eating in the food court itself -- too crowded & noisy, hard to find a seat.) If it's really busy, I just run downstairs, bring something back up & eat it at my desk while I work.

3:00 p.m. Tea time (again)!

4:30 p.m. Pack up briefcase, turn off computer & desk lights, put on coat (in winter). Meet dh downstairs. Walk through the underground concourse to the train station, head up to the platform & get on the train. Read rest of newspapers &/or a magazine while dh sleeps. Once at the train station, sprint to the car to try to beat the crowd out of the parking lot. Get snarled in traffic while dh grumbles. ; )

5:35-6 p.m. Arrive home (depending on whether we get our usual train, parking lot congestion, traffic, weather, & if we stop at the gas station or supermarket!). Glance at the mail. Go upstairs, change & take off makeup while dh gets dinner started.

6:30-7 p.m. Eat dinner. Get laptop, check e-mail & play on computer for awhile. Read, watch TV, make phone calls, do household chores, etc. etc.

10:00 p.m. Bedtime! Get ready to do it all over again tomorrow…!

30 Posts in 30 Days: Day 24: Where you live

The town: Dh & I live in what's known as "the Greater Toronto Area" or GTA. Dh was born & raised in Toronto, in the city proper (close to one of the subway stations, in fact). Never in my wildest dreams, growing up on the Prairies in the 1970s, did I imagine living in Toronto. Calgary or Edmonton, maybe. Toronto?? Never!

Then & now, Toronto has always been the city that people living elsewhere in Canada love to hate. (Typical joke: How many Torontonians does it take to change a lightbulb? Answer: One to hold the bulb in place while the world revolves around him.)

But Toronto & the Prairies actually have more in common than most people realize. I've come to realize that most of the people telling the insulting jokes about either place (& believe me, coming from Manitoba, I've heard enough jokes about "Winterpeg" to last a lifetime) have never actually been there.

I remember the first time dh brought me to Toronto to meet his family. We were both students then, & rode the train into the city, coming in from the western suburbs, along the shores of Lake Ontario, past the grounds of the Canadian National Exhibition. I peered out the window as the towering skyscrapers of the financial district & the famed CN Tower came into view. His brother was waiting for us at the gorgeous old train station (which we now walk through, every morning, on our way to work), & drove us home. He took us down Danforth Avenue, where the street signs are in both English & Greek characters, & stopped as a Greek Orthodox priest with a long white beard wearing long black robes crossed the street at a pedestrian crosswalk. If I hadn't realized it before, I knew right then that I wasn't in Kansas anymore. ; )

Toronto has its faults, of course. The "centre of the universe" mentality does exist in some quarters, particularly on Bay Street (read: Wall Street of Canada), where dh & I work. Fighting the traffic, the mobs of people, the panhandlers on every downtown street corner, wears on your nerves after awhile (particularly when half the people seem to be staring at their Blackberries & not watching where they're going -- both on the sidewalks AND in their cars, anti-texting laws notwithstanding...!). The city has gotten both scruffier and meaner in the 25 years that I've lived here. Unfortunately, you don't hear stories anymore about movie crews having to strew garbage on the streets to make it look more like New York (& then having to do it again because the street cleaners sweep it up). The sports teams generally suck -- have for years (and yet Leafs games still sell out...!).

But it is still a beautiful, exciting city. I love the big trees & beautiful parks, the wonderful old buildings (too many of them have been thoughtlessly torn down, of course, but there are still some architectural gems around). The diversity -- Toronto has one of the most diverse populations in the world, home to people from every country in the world. Greektown on the Danforth, Little Italy & Little Portugal on College Street, Little India on Gerrard Street, the Polish bakeries on Roncesvalles, other Italian sections on St. Clair West and in Woodbridge, Chinatown downtown & the Pacific Mall in Markham.... As I have said many times -- living in this city, you have absolutely no excuse to be bored. Movies, shopping, museums, art galleries, sports teams, concerts of all kinds, theatre, readings. World-class hospitals, excellent universities -- some of the best institutions in Canada & the world are all right here. We are so very fortunate. If there's anything that truly bothers me about Toronto, it's perhaps the tendency of some people who have lived here or around here all their lives to take that all for granted.

Dh & I lived in a small one-bedroom apartment in a yuppie midtown area for the first five years of our marriage, but when we started looking for a house, we ventured out to the suburbs. We'd been out here before to visit his cousin, & wound up buying a house a couple of blocks away. (We rarely see them these days, but at the time, living close together seemed like a great idea.) Houses here were much cheaper (& newer) than what we could afford in the city, & you got a lot more house for your money. The commuter train station is just a 5-10 minute drive or bus ride away from our house, with service every 10-20 minutes during rush hour and every hour during the rest of the day. Our house is near good elementary & high schools (both public & Catholic) -- considerations in that heady period when we envisioned the family we hoped to start soon -- a short walk away from a shopping plaza with a supermarket, drug store, dollar store, dry cleaner, pizza & subway outlets, etc. etc., and a short drive/bus ride to a sizeable mall with good shopping.

The house: I've written about our house before, most recently in answer to the "30 Posts in 30 Days" question about your dream house. It's about 25 years old now, & we've lived here 20 (gulp) years -- a lot longer than we ever thought we would. We thought we'd move up to something bigger when we had kids... well, we're still here. ; ) The house is not large -- two storeys, 3 bedrooms, about 1,400 square feet, a large pie-shaped lot that would have been perfect for a swing set or pool or maybe even both. We've made various upgrades over the years, & it probably needs more... we constantly debate whether we should move, maybe to a condo? But it's a nice little house in a nice little neighbourhood. And it's ours. : )

30 Posts in 30 Days: Day 23: A YouTube video

I have to admit I don't spend a lot of time on YouTube... every time I go there, I start going from one video to another, & before I know it, hours have passed. When all's said & done, if I'm going to spend that time online, I'd rather be reading blogs. ; )

But I do appreciate being able to find music & interview clips & sometimes even complete episodes of TV shows within seconds. I think back to my childhood (in the Stone Age, lol) -- if you missed an episode of your favourite show, that was that. You MIGHT, if you were lucky, be able to catch it in reruns, or some years later, if it was syndicated. When we got a cassette tape recorder, my sister & I & our friends used to tape complete episodes of "The Partridge Family" & then listen to them later, over & over -- sound only, of course. We used to watch "American Bandstand," cassette recorder at the ready, & tape the songs we liked & interviews with some of the performing bands.

Some years ago, my girlfriend was trying to explain this to her daughter -- raised in an era of VCRs and video cameras -- & I giggled when I saw the puzzled "does not compute" expression on her face. I don't think I saw my first movie on VCR until I was well into my university years, and it seemed pretty amazing. I sometimes wonder how the brains of this generation have been affected by the ability to view their favourite TV shows & movies, on demand, over & over & over again.

As for me, I think I can still recite dialogue from the "Danny & the Mob" episode of "The Partridge Family." Here is a condensed version that I found -- where else? -- on YouTube:

30 Posts in 30 Days: Day 22: A website

"A" website?? Hard to pick just one. Since most of you are here because you share my struggles with infertility &/or pregnancy loss &/or childlessness not by choice, I'll tell you a couple of my favourite blogs/websites on these subjects:

• Stirrup Queens: the mothership, the gathering place, the pomegranate thread that connects so many in the adoption/loss/infertility community. If you don't know about Mel's amazing blogroll, chances are, there is a blog on it written by someone who understands your particular situation.
• Glow in the Woods: amazingly thoughtful writing on life after the loss of a baby by a talented group of babylost blogging moms & dads.
• A Fresh Start: Pamela, author of the wonderful Coming 2 Terms blog and award-winning book Silent Sorority, started this new blog to focus on life beyond infertility.
• Life Without Baby: another childless-not-by-choice blogger, Lisa posts almost daily with sharp-eyed observations & questions on childless living in a pronatalist world.

Happy reading!

30 Posts in 30 Days: Day 21: A receipe

Picking up where I left off with the 30 Posts in 30 Days meme.... 

This is a very, very easy recipe that I love to make on nights when dh is working late & I come home by myself. It takes five minutes to throw together & into the oven, & it's ready about the time he arrives home: 

Easy Chicken & Rice Casserole 

In a casserole dish, combine 1 & 1/3 cups white rice with one envelope of onion soup mix, one can of cream of mushroom soup & 1.5-2 soup cans of water. 

Add chicken breasts. (I use two for dh & me, but you could certainly add more -- four would likely be optimal.) 

Bake in a 350F oven for 1.5 hours. 

That's it! 

I also make a version of this with pork chops. The only difference is that you brown the pork chops in a frying pan first, & cover the casserole dish in the oven. We serve it with veggies, but I've seen variations of this recipe that add vegetables into the mixture. I've used just a half envelope of the onion soup mix and reduced fat cream of mushroom soup to reduce the fat & sodium levels.

For just the two of us, there is lots of rice leftover -- we just refrigerate it & use it later in the week with something easy like chicken strips or fishsticks when we're in a rush for dinner.

30 Posts in 30 Days: Day 20: A hobby of yours

I first heard about scrapbooking from my mother in the late 1990s, I think. I used to keep scrapbooks filled with newspaper clippings, ticket stubs & programs from events I'd attended. I've always loved taking photos (meticulously labelled & put into photo albums -- although I'm several years behind on that at the moment...!), writing and recording family history, and I've always had a passion for pretty coloured paper & pens, lol. ; )

My mom knew this, & told me that the daughter of a friend of hers was selling supplies through home parties to make these amazing photo albums. She gave me one of her brochures (it was Creative Memories) & I tucked it away, thinking I should really look into this sometime.

In the spring of 2001, I stumbled onto a copy of Scrapbooks Etc. on the newsstand. This took what I'd seen in the brochure my mom had given to a whole new level. I was intrigued. This was something I knew I'd like to do. But where to buy supplies? How to get started? I find I feel most comfortable trying new things when someone shows me what to do. In April 2002, I wound up taking a one-night introductory course at the local community centre, hosted by a local Creative Memories representative.

Around that time, I was at the meeting of our pregnancy loss support group. We were having a "memento sharing" evening, where we talk about how to preserve our memories of our babies & share the keepsakes that we have. I mentioned scrapbooking & that I'd heard there were actually entire stores in the States that were devoted to this hobby. "There's one in [neighbouring town]," one of the other women told me. Really??!

I'll never forget the first time I walked into that store. It was an overwhelming, amazing experience -- like a kid being let loose in a candy store. ; ) I wound up going to a "crop" there a few months later, & although I have been in a bit of a slump recently, I have been scrapbooking ever since then.

On the face of it, scrapbooking may seem like a strange sort of hobby for a childless woman. It's such a mommy-dominated hobby, and if you look at any of the scrapbooking magazines or websites, cute kids predominate in the layouts that are shared. I've definitely felt left out sometiems at crops when the women around me talk nonstop about their kids (& sometimes ignore me after I say I don't have any). I've actually had people ask me why I scrapbook if I don't have kids, & if I don't have kids, then what do I scrapbook? (!)

My original idea was that I was going to make a scrapbook for Katie. But I knew I needed some pratice first (because this, of all albums, must be PERFECT, right??). Katie's album is still untouched, but I have completed several albums of baby & toddler photos for our two nephews, & a big fat album as a graduation gift for Parent's Neighbours' Daughter. (You can always scrapbook other people's kids if you don't have your own, lol.)

But of course, there is so much else you can scrapbook besides kids -- friends, holidays, your wedding, yourself. I know many people who have started a "Book of Me" as a diversion from scrapbooking their kids. Last fall, I started doing a "Book of Us," covering our days at school, our wedding, & then one spread for each year we've been married, including the best photos of us & journalling about the main things that happened to us that year & how we spent our anniversary. The idea was that I would have the album finished in time for our 25th anniversary. Our anniversary was in July, & I'm still finishing the wedding pages. Oh well!

For about two years, I actually got together with a group of friends from our pregnancy loss group one evening a month to scrapbook. We took turns hosting & providing snacks & drinks. I was the only one who didn't have a living child, but we all shared the bond of loss & enjoyed each other's company. Some of us were more into scrapbooking than others, of course, and eventually, a few people moved away, a few had subsequent babies & got busy, & gradually, our group disbanded. We still see each other & connect on Facebook, & I still consider those women some of my dearest friends. : )

Scrapbooking is a great way to capture your memories, preserve your family stories, show off some of your favourite photos, & indulge your creative spirit. Playing with pretty paper and glue makes me feel like I'm back in grade school sometimes. It can sometimes be frustrating when what lands on the page doesn't match the image in my head, but it's also satisfying to finish a spread, or an entire album. : )

The layout above is one of the wedding pages from our anniversary album.

30 Posts in 30 Days: Day 19: A talent of yours

Talent, eh? Let me think. I used to play piano, but I can't say I'm fabulously talented in that way. I can carry a tune, but there a lot of people who sing better than me. I am a fairly good cook, but I'm no gourmet & I'm not passionate about it. I am not in the LEAST bit athletically talented.

Writing has always been something I enjoyed doing, & I even found a way to make a living doing it (although perhaps not writing novels as I had dreamed). Doing things like blogging & scrapbooking help give me the creative satisfaction that my job sometimes lacks.

I will say that I am a pretty good proofreader. I can spot a typo at 20 paces, lol. I sometimes even circle typos that I find in books in red pen. I can't help myself. ; )

30 Posts in 30 Days: Day 18: My Wedding

We got married on July 6, 1985. (Yes, we just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary!) I had such a fabulous time planning my wedding. : ) The minister told me she'd never seen such an organized bride. For at least a year afterwards, I still devoured bridal magazines. It was hard to turn off the faucet once it had been turned on. And this was long, long before the days of "A Wedding Story," "Say Yes to the Dress," etc.

("A Wedding Story" became my guilty pleasure, my flight from reality, during the months that I was home from work after Katie's stillbirth. I couldn't touch "A Baby Story" with a 10-foot pole, but "A Wedding Story," I could handle.)

In the time since I had graduated high school, my parents had moved -- twice. The second move came just before I arrived home with a graduate diploma in my hand & wedding plans on the brain. Dh & I spent most of our engagement apart, me in Manitoba living with Mom & Dad and working on the weekly newspaper, & he in Toronto with his dad & brother, starting a (brief-lived) job with an insurance company. We were both so broke, I didn't actually get an engagement ring until just a few months before our wedding -- in fact, I picked the set myself on a shopping trip to the city (much to the amusement of the sales clerk, who enquired, "And is there a groom to go with the ring?"), & brought him back to the store to buy it. The limit on his credit card was too low to pay for it -- debit hadn't been invented yet -- and we weren't sure the store would take a personal cheque from out of province -- so our rings were paid for with traveller's cheques. : )

So -- where to have the wedding? We decided that, practically speaking, it should probably be either in the town where my parents now lived, or in the city. Unfortunately, the minister at my mother's church was decidedly unhelpful. He told me his preference would be that we find a church where we were going to be living, become members & show our commitment to that congregation, & then get married from there. (My mother, who had already volunteered many hours in this parish in the year since moving there, was not impressed.)
So the city it was. : ) (More & better accommodations for our many out of town guests there, anyway.) We checked out a couple of different reception venues, but I think it was my idea that we should have the entire wedding on the campus of the university where we had met, & where I had lived in residence for four years. It was "home" to me as much as any other place I'd lived in my life before that. We met with the chaplain at the Anglican-affiiliated college chapel, & SHE said, "I'd be happy to marry you." She even recommended an Engaged Encounter weekend retreat for us that we could attend on a weekend when dh was visiting, in lieu of regular premarital classes.
(I told dh he had to tell his (very Catholic) Italian father that we would be married by a female priest. I wanted to be absolutely sure this would be OK with him. So I wasn't prepared for FIL's reaction when we walked into the chapel for the rehearsal: "The priest is a woman??" Fortunately, he was OK with it. Surprised, but OK.)
We booked the reception for one of the rooms (normally part of the cafeteria) in the student union building. (The photographer for the student newspaper took our wedding photos, & the guy who'd done my hair for most of the time I'd lived on campus did my hair.) We didn't know until the day itself that the floor-length windows actually slid open. They were surrounded by shrubbery, & it felt like an outdoor wedding.
We had chicken cordon bleu with potatos rissole & mixed vegetables for dinner, and fresh strawberries for dessert. Our colour scheme was "dusty rose" (all the rage in 1985), grey & white. We had pink & white carnations on the tables with white tablecloths & pink napkins. My bridesmaids -- my sister (maid of honour), my best friend from childhood & my best friend from university -- wore dusty rose dresses & carried arm bouquets of white roses. My bouquet was a cascade of pink & white roses. (The florist was a friend of my aunt's who gave us a good deal.) The guys wore dark grey morning coats with light grey vests underneath & pinstriped grey pants.
I had had an image in my head of my dream dress, fuelled by browsing countless bridal magazines. (I had actually seen one I fell in love with, but it was well over $1,000 dollars, which seemed like a horrendous amount of money to me then.) It would be white or slightly off white, ballerina length (no train), plain satin or taffeta with a scooped neckline & short sleeves, and a fingertip veil. The dress I wound up with had a huge long train with a veil that completely covered the train. The appliques on the veil matched the appliques on the dress. I'd only tried on about four dresses, but we looked at it & even though it looked nothing like the dress of my dreams, we knew it was "the one." And the price was right. The dress was $298 and the veil was $99. Seemed ridiculous that the veil cost 1/3 as much as the dress, but what the heck. ; )
My bridesmaid/best friend from childhood was also getting married that summer, & we spent the May long weekend visiting her parents & baking her mom's fruitcake, which we froze, then cut, wrapped & served at my wdding. We rented a fake cake from Safeway to have at the reception (I bought the topper).
I can't remember how many people we invited, but the only people from dh's list who made the trip were his dad, brother & two cousins who were in the wedding party. We wound up with 126 people, all from my side. And it felt like they were all looking at me when the doors to the chapel swung open & I walked in with my father. I took a deep breath -- at the exact moment the photographer took a photo (ugh).
Our wedding service was from the Book of Alternate Services, which the minister preferred over the beautiful old Book of Common Prayer. Both my godmothers did Bible readings. We entered to Beethoven's "Ode to Joy" & left to "Trumpet Voluntary," which Prince Charles & Lady Diana Spencer had used as the processional for their wedding a few years earlier. My bridesmaid's sister, who has a beautiful, trained voice, sang "O Perfect Love" & "The Wedding Song (There is Love)" (which it seemed no 1970s or early 1980s wedding could be without).
I was fine until, exiting the chapel & forming a reception line, I noticed all my bridesmaids & my parents wiping their eyes. Then I started crying too.
We took photos in front of the beautiful old administration building, across the road from the student union building where the reception was being held. It was a hot, hot day, & the sun was so bright, you can see us all squinting in many of the photos. There was some kind of conference going on in the student union building that was just letting out. "Look, it's a wedding!" I heard people say. Out came THEIR cameras, & they started snapping too. It's funny to think that my wedding is in some stranger's vacation album.
Our first dance was to "You & I" by Eddie Rabbitt & Crystal Gayle (which, in retrospect, seemed strangely prophetic, with lyrics that repeat the phrase "Just you & I..." over & over again). The evening whizzed by, too fast. Dh & I tossed the bouquet & garter & left (almost unnoticed by the time we made our way out the door), & drove away in his rental car (nothing fancy), my veil flapping in the breeze. I could hear Billy Idol singing "Mony Mony" as we did. ; )
We spent the night downtown at at the city's best hotel. The next day we went back to the hotel where most of the guests were staying, picked up dh's family & then drove out to my parents. Traditionally, Ukrainian weddings are followed by a "day after" gathering, & my parents invited a whole bunch of people to come, eat, visit some more & watch us open our wedding gifts (although, true to Ukrainian & Italian tradition, most of the gifts were received were cash & cheques).
We left the next day on our honeymoon -- a week in Calgary (during Stampede time!), Banff & Jasper -- before flying to Toronto to start our new life together.

30 Posts in 30 Days: Day 17: An art piece

I have to admit that I don't know a whole lot about art, but I do appreciate a nice painting. I tend to be more traditionalist than modern in my tastes. I enjoy visiting art galleries occasionally, & I feel very lucky, living where I do, to have access to two great ones: the Art Gallery of Ontario and the McMichael Gallery, which features work by Canadian artists exclusively and is home to the country's finest collection of Group of Seven artwork, which often featured Canadian landscapes.

I don't have a particular favourite Group of Seven painting, but this is one that caught my eye while scanning images on Google (!). It's called Red Maple by A.Y. Jackson.

30 Posts in 30 Days: Day 16: A song that makes you cry (or nearly)

I could think of several items for this category. Hymns from church -- traditional hymns, the ones I heard as a I child (& can often still sing without looking at the hymn book), very often make me choke up to the point that I can't sing anymore, just mouth the words.

All I need to do is hear the opening notes of Tara's Theme, the theme song from "Gone With the Wind" -- as I did yesterday, when Turner Classic Movies showed a promo for an upcoming showing of the movie (one of my all-time favourites) -- & I am reaching for the Kleenex box.

On our upcoming trip, dh & I are planning to spend some time in Cape Breton Island, a hotbed of Celtic music, which often has the power to move me to tears. Maybe it speaks to my Scots-Irish genes. Maybe it's the connection to my childhood. Which may seem odd, because I grew up on the Canadian Prairies -- but, until I was 14, we had but ONE television channel -- the CBC (something kids today, or those, like dh, who grew up closer to the border & American TV stations, find incomprehensible). And so I grew up listening to a healthy dose of "Don Messer's Jubilee" and "Singalong Jubilee" and "The Irish Rovers" -- with singers like Catherine McKinnon & John Allen Cameron.

One of the office towers close to where I work regularly has lunchtime concerts and, a few years ago, I stumbled onto a concert by Men of the Deeps -- a group of singing coal miners from Cape Breton Island, Nova Scotia, whom I'd seen before on television with another East Coast music legend, Rita MacNeil. Listening to these these big, burly men -- all retired or working Nova Scotian coal miners -- wearing helmets and work shirts and singing in perfect harmony -- touched something deep within me. Tears rolled down my face. They've been back a couple of times since then, & I always carve time out of my busy day to get away to see them. And I always cry.

Here's an amateur video of them with the Cape Breton Symphony, singing one of Rita MacNeil's songs, Working Man. They've often performed it with her (& there are videos of that, too), but this was the only video I could find of them singing it themselves, as I saw them (although they didn't have an orchestra with them then -- & to be honest, & no offense to the orchestra, but I think the orchestra actually detracts from the beauty of their voices a bit...!).




The Men of the Deeps sing another Rita MacNeil song that was also recorded by another wonderful Celtic group, The Rankin Family. It too moves me to tears -- not only because of the beauty of their voices and harmonies, but just read the lyrics (beautiful, but like salt in an infertile's wounded heart)...!:

When the waves roll on over the waters
And the ocean cries
We look to our sons and daughters
To explain our lives
As if a child could tell us why

That as sure as the sunrise
As sure as the sea
As sure as the wind in the trees
We rise again in the faces
of our children
We rise again in the voices of our song
We rise again in the waves out on the ocean
And then we rise again

When the light goes dark with the forces of creation
Across a stormy sky
We look to reincarnation to explain our lives
As if a child could tell us why

That as sure as the sunrise
As sure as the sea
As sure as the wind in the trees
We rise again in the faces
of our children
We rise again in the voices of our song
We rise again in the waves out on the ocean
And then we rise again

We rise again in the faces
of our children
We rise again in the voices of our song
We rise again in the waves out on the ocean
And then we rise again.

Here's a video of the Rankins' version of the song (made all the more poignant by the presence of John Morris Rankin, killed in a car accident on a slippery coastal road in January 2000):

30 Posts in 30 Days: Day 15: Your Dream House

I wish I had a picture I could point to & simply says, "There," to this question. I love houses. I love looking at home magazines, & touring model homes, even ones that are unquestionably beyond our budget. There are lots of homes that I like, & I don't think that any one of them could be my one "dream home." Even if I had a home designed to my exact specifications, I'm sure I could walk into someone else's house & immediately find something that I liked, envied, or wished that I had in my own home.

We bought this house 20 years ago, thinking we would only be here five years or so before moving on to something bigger to accommodate an expanding family. (Dream on...) We've talked on & off about moving. Our house is only about 1,400 square feet -- big enough for two people, surely, but whenever we have visitors, it suddenly feels cramped. The big back yard, which we thought would be perfect for children, is seldom used. It gets the hot afternoon sun, dh grumbles about having to mow it, & we'd both rather be inside with our nose in a book than outside weeding & puttering in a garden.

The house is getting older & needs repairs & other upkeep. The downstairs carpets are getting worn, & the kitchen needs, if not a complete overhaul, definitely a refresh.There never seems to be enough storage (a problem common to most houses, I think...!) I don't like that the front door basically opens into our living room, & how shoes & boots pile up in the tiny foyer. What was considered a luxury for smaller, cheaper houses like ours -- like spacious entrances with large closets, large master bedrooms with walk-in closets & ensuite bathrooms, now seem to be standard fixtures in newer houses. (Of course, you don't see a lot of 1,400 square foot homes being built these days -- unless maybe they're condos...)

On the plus side, the location is unbeatable. We're in a slightly older (25 years-ish) but still nice suburb, surrounded by houses that are larger & more expensive than ours. We're a short walk away from public transit, a plaza with many amenities (supermarket, drugstore, dry cleaner, hair salon, pizza & subway outlets, etc.), both public and Catholic elementary & high schools (not that it matters to us... but it may to any potential future owners...), and a short drive to the mall and the commuter train to the city.

We may not use the backyard very much, & dh may grumble about having to mow it, but I like all the trees, & I like having some extra space around me, so that the neighbours aren't right on top of us. Our lot is one of the biggest ones on the street. Newer houses' backyards these days are just a fraction the size of ours. And even though the afternoon sun bakes the backyard, it also floods into our living room in a way that warms & brightens the mood -- & my spirits.

I still like my little house. (For one thing, it's paid for, lol.) ; ) A visiting friend once called our house "cozy & comfortable," & to me, that was the ultimate compliment. The pristine houses that I see in some of the decorating magazines with all-white walls, leather sofas & glass tables, no television sets and nary a knickknack to be seen, seem sterile and bland. There has to be a happy medium between minimalism and clutter.

Even though my kitchen cupboards are scratched and sagging (I hate the chipboard shelves inside), I love the warm wood tones. The previous owners carried the wood theme through with wooden tongue & groove wainscotting in the dining nook, stained to match the cupboards. Maybe it's a little dated, too countryish for modern tastes, but I still love it.

Nevertheless, if I was building a custom home, money no object, here are some of the things I'd love to see in it:

• a large, treed, waterfront lot
• large kitchen that opens to a family room, with lots of solid wooden cabinets & a pantry (preferably walk in, like my grandma's), and an island or breakfast counter
• fireplace
• lots of built-in bookshelves -- maybe in a dedicated library or office space?
• a scrapbooking room with lots of natural light & all the built-in storage I need : )
• a large foyer/mudroom with ample closet space to hang coats & put shoes.
• a finished laundry room (dont' care if it's in the basement or main floor)
• a main floor bathroom
• master bedroom with an ensuite bathroom, large walk-in closet, big enough to hold all my clothes (right now, they're in every bedroom closet in the house), and maybe a deck with French doors

30 Posts in 30 Days: Day 14: A non-fictional book

I actually read a lot of non-fiction, probably more so than fiction (although I've been reading more fiction lately . I especially like biographies & memoirs (with a special weakness for Hollywood actors & actresses and British royalty), although I also read about history & politics, self-help topics and women's issues, and assorted other stuff. Since infertility & pregnancy loss entered my life, I devour books on that topic, too.

Some of the non-fiction books in my current gargantuan to-read pile(s) -- which gives you an idea of my varied interests -- include:

• The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin (half finished from my vacation in July)
• True Compass by Edward M. Kennedy (started last fall, still to be finished...!)
• Little Girl Blue: The Life of Karen Carpenter by Randy L. Schmidt
• Composed by Roseanne Cash
• Isaac's Storm by Erik Larson (about the hurricane that destroyed Galveston, Texas in 1900)
• Where Men Win Glory by Jon Krakauer (read & loved both Into Thin Air and Under the Banner of Heaven, although not Into the Wild... yet...)
• Open by Andre Agassi
• The Unlikely Disciple: A Sinner's Semester At America's Holiest University by Kevin Roose
• Anxiety: Yours & Mine by Patricia Pearson
• Mennonite in a Little Black Dress by Rhoda Janzen (I'm not Mennonite, but I grew up among lots of them...!)
• Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert
• When Everything Changed by Gail Collins

30 Posts in 30 Days: Day 13: A fictional book

(I assume this means a fictional book that I like or that's had an influence on me?) When I started thinking about favourite works of fiction, my mind turned to a recent conversation on Pamela's blog, A Fresh Start, where we talked about Anne of Green Gables & the friendship between Anne & Diana.

I read Anne of Green Gables when I was 8, & over the next few years, devoured just about everything else that L.M. Montgomery had written. Anne is her most famous work, of course, and of course I love it -- but some of my favourite novels of hers are non-Anne books. I struggled to pare down my list of favourites, & ultimately came up with these two:


Rilla of Ingleside: OK, technically, this is the last book of the Anne series (was, anyway, until a recently discovered manuscript was published as "The Blythes Are Quoted")(still haven't read that one yet). But it's actually about Anne's children -- and, in particular, her daughter, Rilla, who is turning 15 just as the First World War is breaking out. At the beginning of the book, Rilla is the spoiled youngest child of her family, with no ambitions for her life except to have fun. All that changes the night of Rilla's first grown-up party, a dance at the lighthouse, when the outbreak of war is announced. The book follows the Blythe family through the next four rollercoaster years of the war, as Rilla grows up, matures, adopts a "war baby," and waits for her brothers, friends & lover to come home again.

It's been noted that this is the only contemporary novel about the First World War written by a Canadian woman, from the perspective of a Canadian woman and "the home front." I think I learned more about the war from this book than any history text. I've often thought it would make a fabulous movie or TV mini-series. I think my favourite character is Susan Baker, the housekeeper, who provides some of the most memorable (I think) images in the book -- sticking her knitting needle through a map of Europe in exasperation with the Kaiser, refusing to submit to "Borden's time" (the introduction of daylight savings time) vs "God's time," the image of her running up the flag & saluting it, saying, "You are worth it," when the Armistice is finally announced.


The Blue Castle: Our heroine, Valancy Stirling, is 29-year-old "old maid" who lives a dreary life in Ontario's Muskoka district (this is the only Montgomery book set entirely outside of Prince Edward Island) with her domineering mother & cousin. After learning she only has months to live, she decides to make the most of the time she has left -- shocking her staid extended family in the process. I won't give away all the plot details, but suffice to say there is romance, as well as plot twists & turns along the way to the ultimate happy ending.

On the face of it, this is a sort of contrived novel (published in 1926). But in many respects (& like many of Montgomery's books), it's a bit of a feminist fairy tale, with a strong heroine who defies the social conventions of her time & place. Who among us wouldn't love to go to a family party, tell all our insufferable relatives exactly what we think of them, shove our wedding ring in the face of a more popular cousin, and then go off on our merry way to live out the rest of our days in a charming cottage on an island with the handsome rogue of our dreams? This Google books edition comes with an introductory essay that puts the novel into the context of Montgomery's life & times.

Side note: I didn't remember, until I looked up the plot summary on Wikipedia (if you go there, be alert to spoilers!), that one of the characters, Cissy Gay, has a baby that dies. Anne of Green Gables herself, of course, loses her first child, a little girl named Joy, in Anne's House of Dreams -- it's not quite clear if she is stillborn or dies shortly after birth. As I blogged some time ago, the author's second son was stillborn.

Have you read either (or both) of these books? What do you think? What are your Montgomery favourites?

30 Posts in 30 Days: Day 12: Something you are OCD about

I like to think that dh is the OC in our family. ; ) But I admit I have my own little quirks too. Problem is I can't think of any really good ones right now, & neither can dh (I asked).

The only one that's coming to mind at the moment: whenever we're in a bookstore, I will often straighten up the books -- including shoving in the ones that are sticking out too far, & reshelving ones that are out of alphabetical order (drives me nuts).

I also hang dh's shirts (& mine) in the closet grouped according to colour. He thinks that's weird. I think it's just because he's male. ; )

30 Posts in 30 Days: Day 11: A photo of you recently

This is me & dh on our recent 25th wedding anniversary, in our hotel room. I took the photo with my camera's self-timer. Not bad, eh? ; )