Odds & ends (including a World Childless Week webinar!)

I've been struggling a bit lately, with writing more regularly in this blog -- and with other parts of my life too. It feels like there are a gazillion things demanding my attention, and all I want to do is bury my nose in a book (Kobo reader?) or my phone and scroll mindlessly. I bounce from one thing to another and accomplish nothing, and fret over the dumbest little things. Frankly, I think I might be a little depressed -- and I guess it's not surprising, given the events and stresses and losses around me this past year(s/) -- both personal and in the broader world. 

Writing IS (always has been) a comfort and an outlet, though, and I have been collecting more odds & ends to share with you here (albeit there are a lot I meant to flag that have slipped through my fingers). Here are a few things I've been noticing and thinking about lately:   

• Latest annoying/anxiety-inducing thing:  Our GE Profile dishwasher (original to the condo, so likely about 12 years old) is leaking water from the bottom. :(  We've stopped using it (washing dishes by hand), and even turned off the valve to shut off the water to it, but it's still getting wet under there. 
• I've been sliding rags or sheets of paper towel underneath to catch and mop up the drips, and swapping them out for dry ones every few hours. 
• Beyond the leak, the springs on both sides of the door have snapped in recent years -- meaning we can't just open the door and let it drop (because it DROPS!) -- we have to either hold it or balance it against a hip and load/unload the dishes that way -- or lower the door very gently, and then rehook the hinges up to close it back up properly again. 
• Given these issues (and the likelihood of more to come), and given that 12 years seems to be ancient in appliance terms these days (yikes), we recently went dishwasher shopping. What to pick, from a dizzying array of choices?? (Did I mention I've been having some anxiety issues lately??)  
• We eventually selected a KitchenAid model. It's being delivered next Monday. 
• (I had to notify the property manager of the impending delivery -- and cough up a $500 (Canadian) security deposit in case of damages to the elevator or hallways during delivery/removal of the old machine. It will be returned, assuming all goes well. Sigh...) 
• Huge congratulations to Mali at No Kidding in NZ, who has been named People's Champion for World Childless Week 2026!!  She wrote about it here, and you can read her WCW profile here  So well deserved!!  
• Speaking of World Childless Week, it's next week!  I'll be writing more about it in the days ahead, but I especially wanted to give you a heads-up that I'll be appearing in a Zoom webinar/panel discussion on Thursday, Sept. 17th at 9 AM (Eastern time), along with three of my friends from the Childless Collective:  "All in the Family: Childless women, Caregiving/Caring and Family of Origin Dynamics." 
• Y'all know, I live some 1000 miles away from my family of origin -- and my (younger) sister has been the main point person as our parents have aged (and, in mom's case, passed away in January). But Sandy, the webinar organizer, thought it would be interesting to have my perspective on caregiving and contributing from a distance, so...! 
• You can watch live on Zoom, and the video will be posted on the WCW 2026 website and YouTube channel later that day for later viewing. More details and a sign-up link here.  
• We lost three childless/free icons in short order recently:  first Dolly Parton, then Tim Curry, followed by Gloria Steinem. (Did I mention I've been a bit depressed lately?? -- this didn't help...!) There's been some great writing on various childless/free blogs, etc., about these three and what they meant to us. 
• Gloria Steinem in particular was a familiar presence when I was growing up in the 1970s. Going through my old school essays when we were cleaning out my parents' house last spring, I was amused to find a declaration in one along the lines of "I'm not a big women's libber" -- ah, youth!!  Even if I was reluctant to embrace the F-label as a teenager (lol), there's absolutely no doubt what a huge impact Steinem and the women's movement had on my life, and that I have evolved considerably since then.  ;)  
• I was fortunate enough to briefly encounter Gloria Steinem twice in my life:  
• In 1994, I stood in line at a bookstore in the underground city that runs below Toronto's Financial District during my lunch hour to get her to sign a copy of her latest book, "Moving Beyond Words" (which I still have).  
• Several years after that, she was speaking at a convention of the Ontario Human Resources Professionals Association. Someone had given one of my coworkers tickets;  she was working, but my mom was visiting me and I was off that week, so she gave them to me and Mom & I went to the Toronto Convention Centre to hear Gloria speak.  We also caught a glimpse of her walking through the halls outside the meeting rooms. She was in her 60s then and wearing a miniskirt -- and she looked fabulous in it.  :)   Rest in power, Gloria. And thank you. 
• I was sad to read in the Toronto Star that Gilda's Club recently closed its doors here. 
• I was reminded of a post I wrote wayyyyyy back in 2012 (!) about Gilda Radner (who was childless not by choice) & Gilda's Club. (I also mentioned Gilda in this post from last year, about the Saturday Night Live 50th anniversary celebrations.) 
• Sidenote:  The O'Keefe Centre/Hummingbird Centre/Sony Centre I refer to in that 2012 post has been Meridian Hall since 2019.  Sigh... 
• (The SkyDome is still the Rogers Centre -- but there's now also the Rogers Stadium, which -- as many unsuspecting event ticketholders have discovered, to their dismay! -- is about 20 miles away from the Rogers Centre, in a completely different part of the city...!) 
• New York Times gift link:  "When the Choice to Be Childless Is Not Your Own" by Anna Louise Sussman, author of the upcoming book “Inconceivable:The Impossibility of Family in an Age of Uncertainty.” The article is U.S.-specific, but some of the questions it raises would apply in many other countries. 
• Sample quote:  "...what if we thought of starting a family as a fundamental human experience that should be available to all? What if we extended the ability to have a family — one that many possess as a matter of good fortune — into a basic human right?"
• (Not sure I have the "right" to have a family -- no one can guarantee that -- but I believe it should be a lot easier to TRY to have one, if that's what I want...)
• You've probably heard of "manspreading" -- entitled and oblivious men, spreading out and taking up valuable public space (particularly on public transit). How about "mumspreading"?  Emma Harris thoughtfully explains (on her own website, and on the Life Without Children Substack -- well worth a read!):   

Mumspreading, as I use it, describes something analogous: the ways in which some mums can take up physical, conversational, emotional space without much awareness of the impact on those around them.

This is, ultimately, a post about the invisible grief of childlessness, and what it means to take up space in a world not designed with you in mind.

"Dear Monica Lewinsky" by Julia Langbein

If you were old enough to pay attention to the news in the late 1990s, you'll know who Monica Lewinsky is. She's the young White House intern whose dalliance with then-U.S. President Bill Clinton -- and his lies about it to Congress -- led to his impeachment in December 1998. (He was acquitted by the Senate in February 1999.)  The scandal came to light in January 1998, and led to Lewinsky testifying before a grand jury in August 1998. Clinton admitted to the relationship in a televised address on Aug. 17th that year. 

Needless to say, while I was certainly aware of what was happening south of the border (you couldn't NOT know about it...!), I was rather preoccupied with (ahem) other matters in 1998, and August 1998 in particular. I don't remember having strong feelings about Lewinsky one way or another at the time, but when she began speaking out about the experience some years later, as an older and wiser woman, I found her to be a sympathetic figure.  

Now 53 years old, she's never married or had children. She advocates for victims of bullying, harassment and public shaming, and hosts a podcast called "Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky," focusing on personal stories of resilience and identity.

She's also now the title figure in a recently published novel called "Dear Monica Lewinsky" by Julia Langbein.  (I was curious whether Lewinsky has made any comment on the book;  so far as I can tell, she has not, but the author did send her a copy before it was published.)   

Jean Dornan spent six weeks during the summer of 1998 in France on a work-study program, documenting medieval French churches -- and pursuing a highly inappropriate relationship with her professor, David Harwell. Now 45 years old, married and still dealing with the impact that summer had on her life, Jean is startled to receive an invitation from David to attend his retirement party. She's even more startled when, looking at her old diaries from that summer, she realizes this pivotal relationship in her life happened at the exact same time that a very public scandal was unfolding, involving a very similar relationship between President Bill Clinton and White House intern Monica Lewinsky. Pondering the parallels in their stories, she finds herself calling on Monica, as if she were a saint, begging her forgiveness for dismissing her and for not seeing the commonalities between them.  

Lo and behold, "Saint Monica" appears to Jean (in the bathroom of a church in Lower Manhattan, no less!). Together, they look back on that summer, what happened to Jean and the impact it's had on her life since then (interrupted by occasional side comments between the two of them). (Rather irreverent) stories of real female martyr/saints are also interspersed between chapters.  

I enjoyed this book, for the most part.  I learned a lot about (among other things) the architecture of medieval French churches, how lust-filled nuns changed the Catholic church (!)  ;)  and the depressingly similar stories of female martyr saints (a lot of suffering at the hands of the patriarchy.... plus ca change...).  ;)  There's a lot of wry humour. 

However, the section covering what happened during the summer of 1998 in France is long and leisurely -- Jean and David don't even KISS until we're well into both the term and the book! (The effect on the reader is pent-up anticipation, much like Jean's pent-up desire.)  Jean is not always a likeable character, particularly in her younger "Ruthless Jean" incarnation, and the irreverent/snarky tone (particularly regarding religious matters) might rub some readers the wrong way. Like Monica, she deliberately flirts with an older married man and revels in the attention he gives her.  

And yet -- I can remember being the same age, plotting how to attract the attention of the boy(s) I liked, maneuvering to be in the same places at the same times he was -- and the heady feeling of being noticed and desired (and desiring in return)(especially at university, after being ignored by boys through most of my teen years). Unlike Monica and Jean, I didn't have any "inappropriate" relationships with older men (and thank goodness for that...!) -- but I was equally as naive and inexperienced as they were -- and (of course!) there were encounters and relationships (or aspects of them) and behaviour (on my part and theirs), that makes me wince to remember, where I was treated badly by a guy, or wish I had done things differently.   

But that's all part of growing up and learning from our mistakes, isn't it? Which is part of what Monica helps Jean to realize. (We all do dumb things when we were younger -- but most of us don't have to deal with it in public, as Monica did...! -- thank goodness...!).  

The last chapter is kind of bonkers. :) (But cathartic too.)  

A solid 3.5 stars on StoryGraph, rounded up (after some debate) to 4 on Goodreads.   

CNBC notes:  Jean, like Monica, is childless.  

This was Book #25 read to date in 2026 (and Book #7 (!) finished in August), bringing me to 63% of  my 2026 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 40 books. I am (for the first time in a LONG time!!) ON TRACK to meet my goal!!  :)  (For the moment, anyway...!  ;)  )  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2026 tagged as "2026 books."  

"Young Woman and the Sea" by Glenn Stout

"Young Woman and the Sea" by Glenn Stout is the September pick for my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club.

First published in 2009, and re-issued in conjunction with a 2022 Disney movie version starring Daisy Ridley -- the book is credited with acquainting a whole new generation with the remarkable story of Gertrude "Trudy" Ederle, and how she became the first woman to swim the English Channel in 1926. (I finished this book almost 100 years to the day of Ederle's famous swim.) 

I vaguely remembered Ederle's name from childhood reading about famous women and Olympic athletes. I assumed she was British (she swam the ENGLISH Channel, after all...?), but she was actually an American of German descent.  Beyond being a great personal story, it's also the kind of deep dive into social history that I love, covering (among other topics) the history of swimming (going back to ancient times), and a feminist-oriented history of women in swimming and in sports generally. It might be a little more background detail than some readers might be interested in, but I found it all fascinating, and learned a lot.  

For example, I'd never heard of the 1904 tragedy of the General Slocum, which opens the book: a steamboat carrying 1,342 people to a church picnic caught fire and sank in the East River near New York City.  An estimated 1,021 people died, most of them women and children who could not swim.  It was the worst maritime disaster of the 20th century until the sinking of the Titanic a few years later, and remains the worst maritime disaster in New York City history, and the deadliest man-made disaster of any sort in the area until September 11, 2001.  

Women were considered "the weaker sex," and it was thought that any kind of physical exertion was not only improper but damaging to their health. In the wake of the tragedy of the Slocum, that began to change. New organizations sprang up to teach women to swim, alongside of other women's sports organizations. The Ederle family had a cottage at Sandy Hook, and Trudy learned to swim in the ocean waters alongside her two older sisters. She began competing and setting records when she was 12, and competed at the Olympic Games in 1924, where she won several medals. She turned professional shortly afterward, and began planning to conquer the English Channel -- a feat that only a handful of men had previously accomplished. 

The historic Channel crossing -- Ederle's second attempt -- is covered in a couple of riveting chapters near the end of the book. I found it hard to put the book down by that point, and I had tears in my eyes by the time she finally staggered out of the water onto the beach in England.

Trudy took a couple of weeks to visit her grandmother in Germany and rest before heading home to New York City, where huge crowds and one of the first big ticker tape parades awaited her. Unfortunately, by then, her momentum had started to slow, and a series of bad business decisions plus other Channel swimmers repeating her feat quickly caused her star to fade. She never managed to cash in on her accomplishment at the level she might have, but her story has served as inspiration for generations of female swimmers and other athletes in the years since then.  She never married or had children, but was happy to lead a quiet life, teaching children to swim.  She died in 2003 at age 98 (!).  

4 stars on Goodreads & StoryGraph. 

This was Book #19 read to date in 2026 (and Book #1 finished in August). You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2026 tagged as "2026 books." 

"Ex-Wife" by Ursula Parrott (re-read)

"Ex-Wife" by Ursula Parrott is the February choice for my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club. I first read this book in November 2023, when Lyz Lenz (an ex-wife herself) chose it for the book club she ran as part of her Men Yell at Me Substack newsletter (which has since moved over to Patreon). You can find my original review here (which includes more background and some interesting links about the book & the author).  . 

I'd never heard of this book, but it was a best-seller when it was first published -- anonymously -- in 1929, and actually more successful at the time than "The Great Gatsby" by F. Scott Fitzgerald!  It was republished in 1989, and again more recently, along with a new biography of Parrott, "Becoming the Ex-Wife" by Marsha Gordon. 

The plot:  Patricia and her husband Peter, both in their early/mid-20s, live and work in New York City. They have a busy social life, and an open marriage -- but when Patricia sleeps with Peter's friend, he (hypocritically) calls her a slut and leaves her for another woman. Patricia moves in with another "ex-wife," Lucia, and embarks on a life filled with parties, cocktails, speakeasies and men, all the while hoping to win Peter back. 

"Ex-Wife" is both dated -- a portrait of a very specific time and place -- and yet strangely familiar to modern readers.(In some ways, it made me think of "Sex and the City."). It was considered shocking/scandalous in 1929, with its frank depictions of "career women" indulging in smoking, drinking, extra-marital sex and one-night stands, as well as miscarriage and baby loss, abortion, rape and domestic violence. It won't appeal to everyone, but it's worth a read if you're interested in the period, or in forgotten/ignored books written by female authors, showing the complexities of women's lives. I appreciated the honest portrayal of a woman learning to roll with the unexpected punches of life, and the way the women support each other throughout the book. And, needless to say, the story of a woman who is suddenly faced with rebuilding her life and finding new meaning and purpose, certainly resonated with me!  

3.5 stars on StoryGraph, and (after some internal debate) rounded up to 4 on Goodreads. 

ALI alert: abortion, baby loss and coping with other women's pregnancies. 

This was Book #1 read to date in 2026 (and Book #1 finished in January), bringing me to 3% of  my 2026 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 40 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 2 books behind schedule to meet my goal.  :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2026 tagged as "2026 books." 

World Childless Week, Day Six: We Are Worthy

The focus of Day Six of  World Childless Week 2025 is "We Are Worthy." 

This is a frequent WCW theme!  From the website description: 

There are times we doubt who we are, and question where we fit in society. Today is the day to yell “here I am, and I am wonderful and worthy to be seen and heard for being exactly who I am”. So polish your crown, stand up tall, and belief in your worth.  

Today is your day to smile and SHOUT about HOW WONDERFUL YOU ARE!

*** *** ***  

Back in 2018, there was an online summit for childless people during National Infertility Awareness Week on the theme of "We Are Worthy," and I wrote about it and my thoughts on the subject of worthiness here. 

I can't think of any other posts I've written about worth/worthiness in particular -- but I have pointed out plenty of examples of pronatalism and how the childless/free experience has been marginalized, when I've found them. I didn't know the term "pronatalism" when I first started this blog, so I started using the tag "mommy mania" -- the best I could come up with at the time. I've since re-tagged most of those posts as "pronatalism." 

The "bible" on pronatalism from a childfree (by choice) perspective would be "The Baby Matrix" by Laura Carroll (which I reviewed here).  A real eye-opener, and highly recommended!  

On the flip side, I suppose, would be the posts I've written about/touching on feminism, tagged as "the f word." I was brought up thoroughly steeped in the second-wave feminist messages of the 1970s (for good and for bad);  I have always believed and often said that I am more than my uterus. Unfortunately, that's still not the message that society tends to send us or the people around us....!  -- and pronatalism is, sadly, making a resurgence these days. 

We shouldn't have to -- we need not -- justify or apologize for our lack of children. We are so many things besides our parental status, our ability to reproduce. We are more than our uteruses.  We have so much more to offer the world than (just) children -- if the world would only take the time to stop, think, and see us -- REALLY see us.  We are whole, complex, amazing, valuable, human beings, just as we are. 

We are worthy. 

Check out today's content on the WCW site, including community members' contributions, and five free, live webinars related to this subject. They will be recorded and the links will be posted later on the Day Six page and WCW YouTube channel for anyone who cannot watch live.  

Also be sure to check out the separate page of member submissions for the #IAmMe gallery! From the website:  "#IAmMe is about finding your positives, seeing your achievements, sharing your joys, celebrating what you love: your hobies, personality traits, relationships, achievements, qualifications, inner worth and who you are in this world. #IAmMe is about anything you want it to be."

#MicroblogMondays: Odds & ends

• 
  Apparently Friday, Aug. 22nd, was Rainbow Baby Day (trigger warning: baby photos) -- and while I didn't spend a lot of time on social media that day, my feeds had more mentions about it from various loss/infertility/childless accounts than I've ever seen in the past. (I'm going to have to add this one to my calendar so that I remember in the future and it doesn't take me by surprise again!) 
• All power to those of you who have had your "rainbow baby(s)" -- but huge thanks and bouquets to those few lovely souls (many/most of them from the childless-not-by-choice community, but also a few who were not) who dared to remind people that not everyone is lucky enough to get their rainbow. 
• Of course, some of us might still get a rainbow -- albeit maybe not in the form of another baby. 
• Previous Rainbow Baby Day post from 2020 here.  
• I love Lisa Sibbett's Substack, The Auntie Bulletin, and I loved her recent post about "The Seven Blessings of the Aunties:  Here’s what Aunties bring to families." I feel like we're all potential "aunties" and role models to the younger generation, even if we don't actually have nieces, nephews, godchildren, etc. in our lives (at this particular point in time, anyway). 
• I especially liked #4 on Lisa's list ("Aunties teach kids about life's options"), although the text mostly reflects the childfree by choice. I would add that simply by our presence, those of us who wanted children but didn't get them can show by example that a good life can be possible even if it's not the life you originally wanted or assumed you would have or that all of your friends have. Learning to deal with grief, loss and life's disappointments and roll with the punches is hard, but it's a something we'll all find ourselves doing, one way or another, and we can help model those skills for the younger generation. 
• Sari Botton's Memoirland Substack recently featured a post from Natalie Frenkel, "Friendship and Fertility," about struggling to conceive, and the effect it had on her relationships with friends who could (what Jody Day has called "the friendship apocalypse of childlessness"). There's a lot here that's familiar!  
• Trigger warning:  The essay is illustrated with a photo of two women, one of them with her hand on a pregnant belly (!).
• This one popped up on my phone as a random Google notification -- about pronatalism and families, "legacy," living your own life on your own terms. It starts with a great personal story about living well being the best revenge (lol), and then segues into a more general essay about having a good life without children.  
• The article is mostly from a childfree perspective, but I was happy to see this acknowledgement:  "But for those who wanted kids and couldn’t have them — whether because of money, health, or life throwing curveballs — the emotional load can hit harder."
• Trigger warning:  The thumbnail image has a border around it of cartoonish babies, bottles,soothers, etc.  There is also a photo of a mother with small children.
• A few choice passages: 

But here’s the thing — choosing a child-free life isn’t some shiny new TikTok trend. Aside from the baby boom in the ’50s, history has always had its fair share of people saying, “No thanks” to diapers and playdates.

The big difference now? We’re actually talking about it. From smashing tired stereotypes to questioning what “family” even means, the conversation is louder — and bolder — than ever.

and

...different has a way of making people uncomfortable. Friends and family might need time to adjust — especially if they pictured your life a certain way. But here’s the thing: the person who has to live that life is you.

...At the end of the day, whether you raise kids or not, your life can still be full of love, meaning, and joy — on your own terms.

Sometimes, the most powerful legacy isn’t the one you’re handed — it’s the one you create for yourself.

• Not ALI-related, but this Substack post from Judith Hubbell at "Too Old for This Sh*t" deserves to be widely read and shared. It's one of the best defenses and explanations of feminism that I've read in eons. Bravo!! 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

#MicroblogMondays: "Does motherhood have a PR crisis?" (Seriously??)

Sara Petersen at In Pursuit of Clean Countertops and Amanda Montei at Mad Woman shared an interesting conversation recently (pre-U.S. election) about pronatalism, choosing whether or not to pursue parenthood, and whether the joys of parenthood are being lost in the movement, in recent years, toward sharing the frustrations and "mom rage" more honestly and openly.  

The entire conversation is cross-posted in both of their Substacks, but with different introductions -- Sara's titled "Does Motherhood Have A PR Crisis?" and Amanda's "What is motherhood writing for?"  (Both intros are worth reading -- and I don't think either post is paywalled, at least not right now?).  Both cite and link to other great pieces of writing that informed their own thoughts. 

(One piece not mentioned in the discussion:  the always-great Moira Donegan -- who is referenced, and is childfree by choice -- recently reviewed the book "What Are Children For?:  On Ambivalence and Choice" by Anastasia Berg and Rachel Wiseman, for Book Forum:  "Baby Talk: On pro-natalism and motherhood after Dobbs.") (I guess I can scratch THAT one off my to-read list...! -- unless to read with a critical eye, as Donegan does here...?) 

The conversation is, as you can imagine, very motherhood-focused (both Amanda & Sara are mothers)  -- but it's an intelligent one, and I found it fascinating. Depending on where you are in your journey, you might find it interesting too. The childfree choice gets some space, but (sadly) nowhere is it mentioned that not all of us choose to be childless, or that we might have a slightly different perspective to offer. 

I appreciated comments like this one, from Sara: 

...from my perspective, the idea that motherhood can be a noble, fulfilling endeavor is the DOMINANT narrative, and has been . . . pretty much forever? I find myself wondering who/what we’re concerned about in this question of good/bad maternal PR.

Amanda agrees: 

Right, exactly. There are plenty of depictions of motherhood as rich and fulfilling—as you have written about at length! We have plenty of “online discourse” that covers that area. Not to mention all of history, in which the sentimentalization of motherhood has been the dominant story we’ve told about women and their presumed biological destiny. 

From MY perspective, as a childless-not-by-choice woman, I agree.  The message that motherhood is "the best thing that ever happened to me" still seems pretty relentless to me, and often only serves to rub salt in our wounds. On the other hand, the acknowledgement that motherhood is damned hard work, and it's not all sunshine and roses, sometimes comes as a bit of a relief to those of us who get to experience neither. 

Sara & Amanda also identify -- correctly, I think -- that the handwringing about motherhood's supposed "PR crisis" and falling birthrates, etc., is part of the concerted push in certain quarters to get women married, pregnant, out of the workforce and subservient to/dependent on men again.  And it's likely this pushback will be amplified, now that pronatalist forces are back in power in Washington (and elsewhere in the U.S. and around the world).

Both women use the term "backlash" several times throughout their conversation (at one point, Amanda speaks of "the backlash to more nuanced— and yes, critical— depictions of motherhood") -- which of course made me think of Susan Faludi and her book "Backlash" (which I read when it first came out in 1991, and would really like to re-read again soon!), about the backlash at the time against the feminist movement and gains of the 1970s and early 80s. 

It's a really rich discussion with lots to chew on! If you read it, I'd love to know what you think. :) 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.  

World Childless Week: Day Six: We Are Worthy

Day Six of World Childless Week 2024 is focused on the theme "We Are Worthy."  

This is a frequent WCW theme!  From the website description: 

Yes we are, and we need to keep shouting it to the point we believe it and so does everyone else. We were whole and wonderfully unique from the day we were born; having children does not equate to worthiness. We don’t need to achieve anything spectacular during our lives; just being kind can complete us and leave its mark. 

Today it’s time to sing your praises and tell us why you are worthy. 

Several years ago, there was an online summit for childless people during National Infertility Awareness Week on the theme of "We Are Worthy," and I wrote about it and my thoughts on the subject of worthiness here. I can't think of any other posts I've written about worth/worthiness in particular -- but I have pointed out plenty of examples of pronatalism and how the childless/free experience has been marginalized, when I've found them. I didn't know the term "pronatalism" when I first started this blog, so I started using the tag "mommy mania" -- the best I could come up with at the time. I've since re-tagged most of those posts as "pronatalism." 

The "bible" on pronatalism from a childfree (by choice) perspective would be "The Baby Matrix" by Laura Carroll (which I reviewed here).  A real eye-opener, and highly recommended!  

On the flip side, I suppose, would be the posts I've written about or touching on feminism, tagged as "the f word." I was brought up thoroughly steeped in the second-wave feminist messages of the 1970s (for good and for bad);  I have always believed and often said that I am more than my uterus. Unfortunately, that's still not the message that society tends to send us or the people around us....!  

Check out today's content on the WCW site, including community members' contributions, and three free, live webinars related to this subject. They will be recorded and the links will be posted later on the Day Six page for anyone who cannot make the live event. 

Odds & ends

(Just some!! of the) Stuff I've been reading lately:  

• From the Globe & Mail (which bills itself as "Canada's national newspaper"): "An empty bird’s nest always leaves me melancholy."  (The print copy headline reads: "For many years I hoped and tried.")  Gorgeously written. (The author, Susan, & I have had coffee together and hope to meet up again soon!)  
• I had no idea who Anna Marie Tendler was -- although, once I read the Washington Post's review of her memoir, "Men Have Called Her Crazy," I recognized the name of her ex-husband (comedian John Mulaney -- as well as Olivia Munn, the actress he left Tendler for). What piqued my interest, though, was this telling detail (ouch!):  

A chapter about the death of her beloved dog is heart-rending, though. So is a chapter about freezing her eggs, especially for those who, again, know the context: Mulaney’s numerous jokes over the years about not wanting children, and the fact that he now has one with the woman he left Tendler for.

• (On the other hand, there's this...)  I wound up taking out a free 7-day trial subscription to Amanda Montei's Substack "Mad Woman," just so I could read the full text of the post titled "'Mothers' Instinct' and the horror of maternal desperation" (Subhead:  "The supposedly primal need women have for children is everywhere.")  
• (I already have a free subscription, and will likely cancel the free trial before my credit card gets charged... there are only so many paid subscriptions, for Substack and other things, that my budget can take...!) 
• The post analyzes a new film called "Mothers' Instinct" -- and the hoary old trope that the lack of a child drives women mad, that some women are so desperate for a child that they will resort to kidnapping, murder and other lurid crimes. (I know these things DO occasionally happen, but to apply that logic to all childless women is incredibly insulting.)  A couple of excerpts: 

...the film betrays two persistent and familiar fantasies: that mothers without children go insane; and that in their desperation for a child to control, women will stop at nothing.

...The mother-hungry woman is a common trope in psychological thrillers. We see this brand of horror a lot: the monstrous mother driven to madness by her insatiable thirst for a child— any child...  a kind of any-kid-will-do primal hunger that causes auto- and instinctual insanity in any woman who can’t get her motherhood dream fulfilled, or has it ripped from her too soon...

I could not help but think of the stories we’ve been hearing lately on the national stage. It’s that pervasive belief again: that women need motherhood not just to make their lives worthwhile, but to stabilize their moods.

And with the belief that without a child every woman goes mad, of course, comes more: the idea that women need children, need family, need men, to contain them, make them good, give them some target for all that wild animal energy. Even if their love for their child is destined to be a little pathological.

• Ali Hall -- whose work I have been reading on Medium -- has started a Substack, "Life Without Children." She's childfree by choice but consistently includes the CNBC perspective as well.  Her most recent post is "The Modern-Day Twist on “The Village” To Promote Equitability for All" (Subhead:  "Regardless of our parental or relationship status, we all need our village.") Hear, hear!! 
• Sample passage (emphasis the author's): 

There’s a latent expectation in some that those who are not parents should serve those who are parents. As if “The Village” is a trust fund that you suddenly have access to once you have a child.

This sense of entitlement is missing the whole point of “The Village.” For a village to function, it requires us all to be active members as soon as we can comprehend the workings of a community.

It takes time to build communities. They are an investment of love and support. A conglomerate of skills and interests. Expecting a village to present itself on command indicates a lack of personal contribution. I can’t help but wonder whether those who shout the loudest for a village have ever served as a villager.

If we want the benefits of a village, we must also be a villager.

• Ali Hall was also one of the speakers on Medium Day (Aug. 17th), and I reserved a "ticket" to her 30-minute Zoom session that morning, titled "Making Space for the Childless and Childfree."  (I am not sure whether those presentations are available to watch somewhere, but if you can find it, it's definitely worth seeing!) She spoke for about 15 minutes and then answered questions from viewers in the chat for another 15 -- but in those few minutes, she delivered a LOT of great messages!   
• "A truth of crones:" In her Substack "Gateway Elderwomen," Jody Day shares a linked list of other Substackers writing about the elderwomen experience, most of them also "NoMo Crones" (older women without children). 
• Phil Donahue died this week at age 88. He revolutionized the American TV talk show, considered himself a feminist, and was married to feminist icon, actress Marlo Thomas (who does not have children). I remember my mother watching his show every morning she was at home, when I was in high school. (I watched too, when I was home sick from school, or during summer holidays.)  I enjoyed this Salon article: "Phil Donahue showed how feminism and open-mindedness are crucial for democracy." 
• Kate Cox, the Texas woman who was denied an abortion (and had to go out of state to get one) after the fetus she was carrying was diagnosed with Trisomy 18, announced during the ceremonial roll call at the Democratic National Convention this week, that she is five months pregnant again and due in January.  Normally, I cringe at these sorts of public pregnancy announcements -- but I'll admit my eyes filled with happy tears for her! 
• This recent article in the Toronto Star, about Kamala Harris's teenaged years in Montreal (and how little she has to say about it), reminded me of my review of her book a couple of years ago (and one of my chief complaints about the book, lol).  Love the conclusion, lol:  

...we Canadians will harbour no hurt feelings about the strategic amnesia surrounding her Montreal years. But this we know whether or not she admits it: this woman who may soon occupy the Oval Office has a nice little sliver of Canada lodged deep in her soul.

We just won’t tell anyone.

• U.S. vice-presidential candidate J.D. Vance's recent (ridiculous) comments -- about how the purpose of a post-menopausal woman is to help care for her grandchildren (!!!) -- spawned some hilarious comeback comments, posts and memes on social media. It also earned him a "Dingus of the Week" mention from Lyz Lenz at "Men Yell At Me." Lyz (single divorced mother of two children) added this thought at the end of the post, and I wanted to share at least part of it with  you here:  :)  (We need more Lyzs in the world, don't we??) 

So much of the discourse this week has involved weighing in on people’s choices to have children and dividing the world into the selfless parents and the selfish childless. So, I want to take a moment to say how much I value my friends who do not have children. I love them not because of the care work they do for me, but because they are delightful humans. But I would not be honest if I said I didn’t rely on their advice, insight, and kindness... 

So much of my life as a single mom who lives far away from family has meant building a new kind of community for myself, one that is bigger and wider and brighter and more spacious than the world I had before. And being able to have a night out with friends, who include my kids, and delight in them. Well, it means everything.

I don’t understand these small mean little worlds that are built to exclude rather than include...

So this week, I’m drinking Shirley Temples and toasting to all my friends without children. I’d be lost without you.

(Some appreciative remarks in the comments from childless and childfree people, as well as some kind affirmative remarks from other parents.)   

•  And speaking of Vance (although -- do we really have to??), I'm still laughing (BAHAHAHAHA!!)  over this satirical post from Charlotte Clymer:  "Are Childless Males Hurting America?"  ;)  (Definitely worth a read!!) 

"All In" by Billie Jean King

I know a little, but not a whole lot, about tennis as a sport -- the scoring, the different strokes, etc.  I'm not very sports-minded to begin with, and tennis was certainly not something that was commonly played in the small, rural communities where I grew up on the Canadian Prairies. (I doubt there even WERE any tennis courts for miles and miles around most of them.) (Badminton, yes.  Table tennis, yes. Actual tennis, no.)  I've only ever played it a few times, in high school gym class -- and we probably spent more time walking to and from the courts, located in a public park about 20 minutes away -- probably the only courts in town -- than we did actually playing the game. (This was probably the first town we lived in where there even WAS a tennis court!)  As a lasting gift to the school, when we were in Grade 12/senior year, my class raised funds to have a tennis court built on the school grounds for future generations of students (and the general public) to enjoy (without having to spend half gym period getting there and back!).  It's still there, so far as I know.  

But the names of the games' most famous players are familiar to me. Wimbledon, the most famous of tennis tournaments, always happened in early July, when we were usually visiting my grandparents in Minnesota. (As an adult, it's almost always coincided with my wedding anniversary in early July!)  This was the 1970s -- pre-cable TV, certainly pre-multichannel universe, let along streaming. The rotary TV antenna at their house pulled in five or six channels on a good day -- and it seemed like tennis was on all day, every day, every channel (although that could be an exaggeration of memory on my part ;) ).   I remember watching some games with a cousin who had a huge crush on Bjorn Borg.  ;)  

Among the biggest stars of the game at that time was Billie Jean King. I don't really remember if I ever watched her play, but I certainly knew who she was. I don't remember watching the infamous 1973 Battle of the Sexes in which King defeated the uber-sexist Bobby Riggs, but I sure heard about it, and witnessed the reverberations, including its impact on the feminist movement, and King's subsequent celebrity (which continues to this day). 

So I was interested in reading King's recent memoir, "All In." Happily, it is the June pick for my Nomo Book Club within the Childless Collective online community (just in time for Wimbledon!). It's long: the hardcover clocks in at almost 500 pages, and on my e-reader (with the print magnified, lol), it was more than 1,100.  I'll admit it took me longer to get through than I expected. (I'm beginning to wonder whether I'll make my Goodreads Challenge goal this year in terms of numbers of books completed -- but many of the books I've been reading are long ones, so I do expect to see a significant uptick in the number of pages read!!).    

I enjoyed learning a little more about King's early years and personal life. She was raised in Long Beach, California Her younger brother, Randy Moffitt, was a pro baseball player (a pitcher), including a stint with the Toronto Blue Jays (!).  She married her college sweetheart, Larry King, who became her biggest supporter and business partner.  They wanted and assumed they'd have children (someday...) -- but when confronted with a surprise pregnancy, knew it was not the right time to put Billie Jean's flourishing tennis career on hold, and she had an abortion. They spent a great deal of time apart -- she travelling and playing tennis, he pursuing their shared business interests -- and they gradually drifted apart, eventually divorced, but remain good friends. King also realized, early on, that she was attracted to women, bur remained married and closeted until she was 51 years old, when she was outed by a vengeful ex-lover. She's known her partner/now wife, Ilana Kloss, since she was a promising young junior tennis player in South Africa, and they have been together for more than 40 years. 

As I said, I don't follow tennis that closely -- and I'm not sure I needed to know all the details of what seemed like every tournament King ever entered ;)  (you may feel differently!) -- but I did enjoy the memories evoked by the names of the best tennis players of the day: Evonne Goolagong, Chrissie Evert, Martina Navratilova, Jimmy Connors, John McEnroe, Arthur Ashe... (I read Ashe's memoir, "Days of Grace," years ago, after it was published posthumously in 1993, and remember bawling over the final chapter, a letter her wrote to his young daughter Camera, knowing he was dying of AIDS, the result of a blood transfusion during heart surgery).  I really enjoyed her recounting of the historic Battle of the Sexes, and I thought the pace of the story picked up from that point on. 

This book was an excellent reminder -- and a lesson for younger generations -- of how much progress women, as well as LGBTQ+ people and people of colour, have made during my lifetime. Not enough, to be sure (and sadly, some of that hard-won progress is threatened) -- but King's story really brings home just how much things have changed -- and the important role she played in making some of those changes happen. What a trailblazer she was (and is!) -- and not just in the world of tennis.  

Inspired by the civil rights and social justice movements of the times, King fought one battle after another in pursuit of equal opportunities for female tennis players -- including equal prize money. She was instrumental in the creation of a women's professional tennis tour, which gave them the opportunity to actually make a living at playing the sport they loved. She led or helped create a number of different forums and organizations to promote equal opportunities for women in tennis, and in sport generally. 

Now in her 80s (!), King continues to be a supporter of equality rights for women, LGBTQ+ and people of colour. She recently played a key role in helping to launch the new Professional Women's Hockey League: she announced the first pick at the league's first draft last fall, and dropped the puck at the league's first game between Toronto and New York on Jan. 1st this year.  :)   

She's an amazing woman and role model, and I'm glad I read this book and learned more about her and her life.  

4.5 stars on StoryGraph, rounded down to a solid 4 stars on Goodreads.  

This was Book #16 read to date in 2024 (and Book #2 finished in May), bringing me to 36% of my 2024 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 2 books behind schedule to meet my goal. :(  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2024 tagged as "2024 books." 

"Widowland" by C.J. Carey (re-read)

North American cover 

Our upcoming book for May for the Nomo Book Club within the Childless Collective private online community will be "Queen High" by C.J. Carey (which goes by the title "Queen Wallis" in North America).  I've already read that book in October 2022 (reviewed here), but I knew I'd want to re-read it to refresh my memory before our discussion began -- particularly since I'll be the one leading it! (lol) 

But I also realized I wanted to try to squeeze in a re-read of her earlier book, "Widowland" (which we read together in November 2021 -- past review here). (Side note:  Our Zoom discussion of "Widowland" was held at the ungodly hour of 5 a.m. here in North America!  As much as I loved the book & was dying to discuss it with someone, I did NOT set my alarm!  lol I eventually talked up both books so much to dh that he wound up reading them both too -- and enjoying them!)   

I wasn't sure I would have time to re-read both -- but "Widowland" was (still) a speedy read, and I still have just under two weeks to go before the beginning of May, so...  ;)  

I've often described "Widowland" (and "Queen High/Queen Wallis") as "Fatherland" by Robert Harris crossed with Margaret Atwood's "The Handmaid's Tale." (I've also heard comparisons to George Orwell's "1984" and Philip K. Dick's "The Man in the High Castle,"  although I haven't read those -- yet!)  I'm not especially interested in fantasy or science fiction, generally, but I've always found alternative history/speculative/dystopian fiction intriguing -- especially those with the premise that the Nazis won World War II -- and these two books fall squarely into that category.  

The central premise of "Widowland" (and "Queen High/Queen Wallis") is that Britain capitulated to Germany in 1940, formed an "alliance" with them and is now operating under a Nazi "Protectorate." Memories of "the Time Before" are fading (and are actively discouraged). Most able-bodied men have been sent to labour camps, and women have been classified according to age, heritage, reproductive status and physical characteristics -- which determines where they live, the rations they receive, the clothes they wear, the kind of work they do, etc. 

At the top of the pecking order are the most pure and beautiful young women -- the "Gelis" (named for the niece Hitler was obsessed with -- who committed suicide). Also highly ranked: the "Klaras" -- fertile mothers of at least four children. At the bottom of the ladder (just guess!!) are the "Friedas" -- childless widows over 50, who do menial labour, receive subsistence-level rations (no meat or eggs), and are relegated to live in the rundown, fenced-off slums known as "Widowlands." 

King George VI and his family disappeared shortly after the Alliance was formed, and King Edward VIII and his American divorcee wife (now Queen), Wallis Simpson, have returned from exile. After a long delay, their coronation will be held on May 2, 1953, and the Leader himself (i.e., Hitler) will be coming to Britain for the first time to attend. 

The Coronation -- and the Leader's visit -- are two weeks away, and tensions are running high. Subversive graffiti, in the form of quotations from now mostly forgotten female authors ("Strengthen the female mind by enlarging it and there will be an end to blind obedience" -- Mary Wollstonecraft;  “Lock up your libraries if you like; but there is no gate, no lock, no bolt that you can set upon the freedom of my mind.” -- Virginia Woolf), painted in large bright red letters, has been popping on libraries and other public buildings around the country. The prime suspects are the Friedas of the Widowlands:  they remember "the Time Before," they know the literature -- and they have little to fear, because they have so little to lose. 

Although the book is titled "Widowland," the central character is Rosalind "Rose" Ransom, a "Geli," who works at the Ministry of Culture, editing/rewriting classic works by the likes of Jane Austen and Charlotte Bronte to make their heroines more submissive and acceptable to the new regime. After hours, she's the reluctant mistress of her SS boss (who is married, with a wife and children back in Germany). She's 29 years old, and the clock is ticking before her lack of a husband and children will subject her to reclassification. 

With two weeks to go before the Leader arrives, Rose has been tasked with interviewing some of the residents of Widowland and identifying suspects. What she learns from these women changes her life -- and, possibly, the course of history. 

Two and a half years after I first read it, I'm more conscious of the book's flaws, as pointed out by other reviewers. And (and I realize I'm biased! ;)  ) I (still!) would have loved to see more of the Widowlands and Friedas than we do.  ;)  To me, they are the true heroines of this book!  

Original U.K. edition cover 

But overall, I found this book just as riveting (and chilling) as I did the first time around. As I said in my original review, "It's derivative -- there have been other "what if Hitler won the war" novels & films -- but this dystopian premise, combined with feminism, childlessness and the subversive power of literature is a potent mixture and highly thought provoking."  I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since I first read it (and I find myself recommending it to others at every opportunity!) -- I think that says something! 

Moreover, given the current political climate in many countries around the world -- books, libraries and freedom of the press under attack, voting rights being eroded, women's reproductive freedoms and other rights being rapidly rolled back (not to mention rampant pronatalism and misogyny) --  and a critical U.S. election just months away -- I found the book's messages even more relevant than I did when I originally read it. 

My original rating of 4.5 stars, rounded up to 5, stands.  

Text note: As I mentioned here, there are some differences between the original U.K. hardcover version (published by Quercus) and the North American edition (published in paperback and digital formats by Sourcebooks)  -- most notably at the very end. I first noticed this when the North American paperback version came out (I already had the original hardcover edition from the U.K.). 

I'm planning to go back to both books, once I've finished them, and do a closer comparison. (Hey, i used to do stuff like this for a living...!)  So far, I've mostly noticed changes in spelling (e.g., "favour" in the U.K. edition becomes "favor") and terminology (e.g., "Commissioner" becomes "minister"). 

This was Book #12 read to date in 2024 (and Book #3 finished in April), bringing me to 27% of my 2024 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 1 book behind schedule to meet my goal.  :(   You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2024 tagged as "2024 books." 

Lots of odds & ends!

• The nightly CBC television newscast, "The National," had a lengthy feature report on Feb. 27th about IVF in Canada and the barriers some people face in getting treatment (financial, geographic, etc.). It focused on one woman, currently on her 7th cycle, who has already spent more than $100,000 (Canadian) and regularly drives four hours (one way) from Sudbury to a clinic in Markham, outside of Toronto (and then another four hours back home again). (I remember chatting with a woman from Sudbury in the waiting room at my own RE's office when I was going through fertility treatments, 20+ years ago!)  
• I don't know if the video is available to view outside of Canada, but here's the link! 
• The province of British Columbia recently announced it will join several other Canadian provinces by funding one cycle of IVF, beginning in April 2025. The Globe & Mail featured a B.C. couple who estimate they spent $80,000 on 16 cycles of IUI and IVF, four of which ended in miscarriage, before their son was finally born in 2018. (Gift link.) Quote: 

Ms. Santos called B.C.’s announcement “incredible news,” and said it would have made a world of difference to her family had their first IVF cycle been covered.

“If we had had funding, that would have taken so much stress off at a time when everyone says all you should focus on is not stressing,” she said. Her husband could have come home [from working a higher-paying job in northern Alberta], she added. “We would have had more opportunity to work on our mental health, to not feel so guilty to take a day off if we needed it. It would have been invaluable to have that peace of mind.”

• On Medium, this post made me want to stand up and cheer: "We Must Stop Telling Women They Should Conceive and Give Birth 'Naturally.' ” (Subhead: "Medical interventions aren’t just for men, y’know".)  It may be behind a paywall :p  but here's an excerpt:  

According to some delightful people out there, women who can’t conceive need to just accept that it’s “God’s will” they remain child-free.

In their words, IVF isn’t natural, so we shouldn’t be doing it.

OK Steve, let’s see how well you fare without medical intervention the next time you need an operation. No anesthetic or scrubbed-up surgeon for you, my friend....

We’re happy to accept modern comforts, science and medicine in almost every other part of our lives. No one thinks it’s weird to live with electricity or a car or to receive anesthesia during a vasectomy.

Which leads to just one conclusion.

The rhetoric about “natural” childbirth and conception isn’t pro-nature.

It’s anti-women.

I found this bit somewhat shocking (and depressing): 

...whilst the perception of IVF has improved in recent years, there are still devastating stats about what some people think of IVF babies.

A recent study revealed that 41% of people think IVF babies are “normal but not natural.”

Twenty-two percent do not think IVF babies are legitimate.

And even more shocking, 13.5% of respondents do not think IVF babies should be welcomed by society.

The Vatican (which represents 1.3 billion Catholics across the world) doesn’t accept assisted reproduction, and now — whether this was their intention or not — neither does the state of Alabama.

And there's this: 

I don’t need people to tell me I’m an infertile failure

I already think that myself.

And it’s not just online trolls or Republican politicians that make me — and women like me — feel like this.

It’s society as a whole.

Not only do we live in a pronatalist world, we live in a pronatalist world where we are expected to a) quickly get pregnant, b) love pregnancy and c) have a natural birth.

And as someone struggling with fertility, I’m told I’m not natural. Because if you’re natural, you’re fertile, right?

This messaging comes from everywhere.... 

One comment read: "'Have more babies.'  'No not like that.' "  Touchez!   

• I only just heard about this book -- I have not read it (yet?) -- but the Washington Post just gave it a glowing review (and there are also some great reviews on Goodreads):  "Relinquished: The Politics of Adoption and the Privilege of American Motherhood" by Gretchen Sisson. The Post says it presents "a troubling picture of a lopsided adoption industry, in which aspiring parents spend thousands looking for adoptable infants while people in crisis pregnancies struggle to pay rent." 

Sisson’s analysis gently coaxes the scales from our eyes. If adoption is a heartwarming practice, why are birth mothers wracked with feelings of grief and betrayal that do not abate over time? If every aspiring parent deserves a baby to love, who are we willing to exploit to meet that demand?

...This book may be a tough read, especially for current or aspiring adoptive parents. It feels much better to rescue an unwanted baby than to take one from a mother who would parent if she could only afford a car seat. But, as Sisson writes, if adoption is intended to meet the needs of children and not the “dreams of would-be parents,” then adoptive parents’ feelings can’t drive the future of adoption. 

• Also on the topic of adoption: a great article (with a first-person perspective) from the Atlantic:  "No One's Children: America’s long history of secret adoption."  (Gift link, accessible for 14 days.)  
• Related:  a fabulous, must-read post from Mali at No Kidding in NZ:  "No Kidding Voices Count" -- when it comes to adoption, as well as other aspects of the adoption/loss/infertility experience. Excerpt (and key message): 

Why should we feel that our comments on a process that did not work for us should be disparaged as “bitter” or “sour grapes” compared to those who are considered the “success” stories? Answer = we shouldn’t. Our views are just as valid, and perhaps more so, because we are evidence that the processes are not infallible, that they don’t work for everyone, and in many cases, they don’t work for the majority. Everyone needs to understand why that is. Our voices count, and should be heard. 

• Mali's post didn't specifically mention the recent court ruling in Alabama that has virtually shut down IVF treatments in that state, but I was thinking about Alabama when she said: 

It’s not a contradiction to both be pleased that there are paths to parenthood for the infertile, and to want to ensure these paths take care of those prospective parents during and after this process, as well as act in the best interests of the children who may emerge from this. That’s not sour grapes. It is in fact much more holistic. 

• Also re: the Alabama ruling:  Pamela's Silent Sorority blog/website is currently under renovation, but she's still advocating for fertility industry reform and patient rights, including recent opinion pieces in the Boston Globe and Newsweek specifically related to the events in Alabama. 
• Jess recently posted about how the Alabama case has resulted in increased interest in/media coverage of IVF. Unfortunately, the coverage demonstrates that people (still!!) aren't using the correct terminology when discussing the process. (No wonder there are so many misconceptions....!) 
• Mel highlighted Jess's post on today's Friday Blog Roundup, pointing out that she wrote the New York Times about "implant" vs "transfer" ....back in 2009!  The NYT responded that they understood, BUT "we made the conscious decision to use the word implant. The average reader doesn’t understand what a ‘transfer’ is.”  "...[So] frustrating that I was writing the NYT in 2009 about this, and it’s now 2024, and nothing has changed,"  she says.  :(   Grrrrrrr indeed. 
• In her Substack "The Antidote," Helen Davenport-Peace ponders "The anatomy of an announcement:  Pregnancies that aren't ours, but theirs."  
• Henri Copeland eloquently reflects on the very different reactions she and her family are getting after the loss of her father, versus the lack of support she's had for her grief as a childless woman.  
• At "In Pursuit of Clean Countertops," Sara Petersen spoke with Lyz Lenz of "Men Yell At Me" about her new book (about divorce), "This American Ex-Wife."  Unfortunately, it's behind a subscriber paywall, but I wanted to share a couple of particularly brilliant passages that I thought had some application to women without children (even though both Lyz & Sara are mothers)(boldfaced emphasis the author's):  

...even if you're not going to get divorced, we have to stop thinking of parenting as this all-encompassing thing because children will leave you one day! You being okay can’t be predicated on them being okay. At some point, they won’t be okay. And you have to find a way to be a person in the midst of all of that....

...if our senses of selves and wellbeing is no longer dependent on relationships like motherhood and wifehood (because life is long and complicated and full of tragedy, we could live happier lives. 

• There was some great commentary on the recent State of the Union address in the U.S. -- and, in particular, on the Republican response provided by Senator Katie Britt. Lyz Lenz dubbed her "Dingus of the Week,"  lol. I also liked Monica Hesse's take in the Washington Post -- although I do wish she had taken her rhetoric one step further and made the leap from "moms aren't a monolith" to "not all women are moms" -- sigh....
• I particularly wanted to note Jill Filipovic's take on her Substack, titled "The Two Americas of the State of Union."   Unfortunately, I think it's behind a subscriber paywall... fortunately, I am a subscriber ;)  and I can share this especially relevant excerpt with you:  

The word “mom,” by the way, shows up in Britt’s speech more times than the word “women.” This is despite the fact that more than half of American women do not have children, and roughly one in six reach the end of their childbearing years without having them. Many women who are mothers also do not see motherhood as their sole defining characteristic. “Woman” and “mother” are not identical categories. And yet the Republican Party talks to us as if they are — or as if they should be...

 

The message from Britt and the GOP was clear: All women are or should be mothers; women and mothers should be fearful of the big scary world around them; and they should probably stay in the kitchen.