- Apparently Friday, Aug. 22nd, was Rainbow Baby Day (trigger warning: baby photos) -- and while I didn't spend a lot of time on social media that day, my feeds had more mentions about it from various loss/infertility/childless accounts than I've ever seen in the past. (I'm going to have to add this one to my calendar so that I remember in the future and it doesn't take me by surprise again!)
- All power to those of you who have had your "rainbow baby(s)" -- but huge thanks and bouquets to those few lovely souls (many/most of them from the childless-not-by-choice community, but also a few who were not) who dared to remind people that not everyone is lucky enough to get their rainbow.
- Of course, some of us might still get a rainbow -- albeit maybe not in the form of another baby.
- Previous Rainbow Baby Day post from 2020 here.
- I love Lisa Sibbett's Substack, The Auntie Bulletin, and I loved her recent post about "The Seven Blessings of the Aunties: Here’s what Aunties bring to families." I feel like we're all potential "aunties" and role models to the younger generation, even if we don't actually have nieces, nephews, godchildren, etc. in our lives (at this particular point in time, anyway).
- I especially liked #4 on Lisa's list ("Aunties teach kids about life's options"), although the text mostly reflects the childfree by choice. I would add that simply by our presence, those of us who wanted children but didn't get them can show by example that a good life can be possible even if it's not the life you originally wanted or assumed you would have or that all of your friends have. Learning to deal with grief, loss and life's disappointments and roll with the punches is hard, but it's a something we'll all find ourselves doing, one way or another, and we can help model those skills for the younger generation.
- Sari Botton's Memoirland Substack recently featured a post from Natalie Frenkel, "Friendship and Fertility," about struggling to conceive, and the effect it had on her relationships with friends who could (what Jody Day has called "the friendship apocalypse of childlessness"). There's a lot here that's familiar!
- Trigger warning: The essay is illustrated with a photo of two women, one of them with her hand on a pregnant belly (!).
- This one popped up on my phone as a random Google notification -- about pronatalism and families, "legacy," living your own life on your own terms. It starts with a great personal story about living well being the best revenge (lol), and then segues into a more general essay about having a good life without children.
- The article is mostly from a childfree perspective, but I was happy to see this acknowledgement: "But for those who wanted kids and couldn’t have them — whether because of money, health, or life throwing curveballs — the emotional load can hit harder."
- Trigger warning: The thumbnail image has a border around it of cartoonish babies, bottles,soothers, etc. There is also a photo of a mother with small children.
- A few choice passages:
But here’s the thing — choosing a child-free life isn’t some shiny new TikTok trend. Aside from the baby boom in the ’50s, history has always had its fair share of people saying, “No thanks” to diapers and playdates.The big difference now? We’re actually talking about it. From smashing tired stereotypes to questioning what “family” even means, the conversation is louder — and bolder — than ever.
and
...different has a way of making people uncomfortable. Friends and family might need time to adjust — especially if they pictured your life a certain way. But here’s the thing: the person who has to live that life is you.
...At the end of the day, whether you raise kids or not, your life can still be full of love, meaning, and joy — on your own terms.
Sometimes, the most powerful legacy isn’t the one you’re handed — it’s the one you create for yourself.
- Not ALI-related, but this Substack post from Judith Hubbell at "Too Old for This Sh*t" deserves to be widely read and shared. It's one of the best defenses and explanations of feminism that I've read in eons. Bravo!!
No comments:
Post a Comment