Odds & ends (including a World Childless Week webinar!)

I've been struggling a bit lately, with writing more regularly in this blog -- and with other parts of my life too. It feels like there are a gazillion things demanding my attention, and all I want to do is bury my nose in a book (Kobo reader?) or my phone and scroll mindlessly. I bounce from one thing to another and accomplish nothing, and fret over the dumbest little things. Frankly, I think I might be a little depressed -- and I guess it's not surprising, given the events and stresses and losses around me this past year(s/) -- both personal and in the broader world. 

Writing IS (always has been) a comfort and an outlet, though, and I have been collecting more odds & ends to share with you here (albeit there are a lot I meant to flag that have slipped through my fingers). Here are a few things I've been noticing and thinking about lately:   

• Latest annoying/anxiety-inducing thing:  Our GE Profile dishwasher (original to the condo, so likely about 12 years old) is leaking water from the bottom. :(  We've stopped using it (washing dishes by hand), and even turned off the valve to shut off the water to it, but it's still getting wet under there. 
• I've been sliding rags or sheets of paper towel underneath to catch and mop up the drips, and swapping them out for dry ones every few hours. 
• Beyond the leak, the springs on both sides of the door have snapped in recent years -- meaning we can't just open the door and let it drop (because it DROPS!) -- we have to either hold it or balance it against a hip and load/unload the dishes that way -- or lower the door very gently, and then rehook the hinges up to close it back up properly again. 
• Given these issues (and the likelihood of more to come), and given that 12 years seems to be ancient in appliance terms these days (yikes), we recently went dishwasher shopping. What to pick, from a dizzying array of choices?? (Did I mention I've been having some anxiety issues lately??)  
• We eventually selected a KitchenAid model. It's being delivered next Monday. 
• (I had to notify the property manager of the impending delivery -- and cough up a $500 (Canadian) security deposit in case of damages to the elevator or hallways during delivery/removal of the old machine. It will be returned, assuming all goes well. Sigh...) 
• Huge congratulations to Mali at No Kidding in NZ, who has been named People's Champion for World Childless Week 2026!!  She wrote about it here, and you can read her WCW profile here  So well deserved!!  
• Speaking of World Childless Week, it's next week!  I'll be writing more about it in the days ahead, but I especially wanted to give you a heads-up that I'll be appearing in a Zoom webinar/panel discussion on Thursday, Sept. 17th at 9 AM (Eastern time), along with three of my friends from the Childless Collective:  "All in the Family: Childless women, Caregiving/Caring and Family of Origin Dynamics." 
• Y'all know, I live some 1000 miles away from my family of origin -- and my (younger) sister has been the main point person as our parents have aged (and, in mom's case, passed away in January). But Sandy, the webinar organizer, thought it would be interesting to have my perspective on caregiving and contributing from a distance, so...! 
• You can watch live on Zoom, and the video will be posted on the WCW 2026 website and YouTube channel later that day for later viewing. More details and a sign-up link here.  
• We lost three childless/free icons in short order recently:  first Dolly Parton, then Tim Curry, followed by Gloria Steinem. (Did I mention I've been a bit depressed lately?? -- this didn't help...!) There's been some great writing on various childless/free blogs, etc., about these three and what they meant to us. 
• Gloria Steinem in particular was a familiar presence when I was growing up in the 1970s. Going through my old school essays when we were cleaning out my parents' house last spring, I was amused to find a declaration in one along the lines of "I'm not a big women's libber" -- ah, youth!!  Even if I was reluctant to embrace the F-label as a teenager (lol), there's absolutely no doubt what a huge impact Steinem and the women's movement had on my life, and that I have evolved considerably since then.  ;)  
• I was fortunate enough to briefly encounter Gloria Steinem twice in my life:  
• In 1994, I stood in line at a bookstore in the underground city that runs below Toronto's Financial District during my lunch hour to get her to sign a copy of her latest book, "Moving Beyond Words" (which I still have).  
• Several years after that, she was speaking at a convention of the Ontario Human Resources Professionals Association. Someone had given one of my coworkers tickets;  she was working, but my mom was visiting me and I was off that week, so she gave them to me and Mom & I went to the Toronto Convention Centre to hear Gloria speak.  We also caught a glimpse of her walking through the halls outside the meeting rooms. She was in her 60s then and wearing a miniskirt -- and she looked fabulous in it.  :)   Rest in power, Gloria. And thank you. 
• I was sad to read in the Toronto Star that Gilda's Club recently closed its doors here. 
• I was reminded of a post I wrote wayyyyyy back in 2012 (!) about Gilda Radner (who was childless not by choice) & Gilda's Club. (I also mentioned Gilda in this post from last year, about the Saturday Night Live 50th anniversary celebrations.) 
• Sidenote:  The O'Keefe Centre/Hummingbird Centre/Sony Centre I refer to in that 2012 post has been Meridian Hall since 2019.  Sigh... 
• (The SkyDome is still the Rogers Centre -- but there's now also the Rogers Stadium, which -- as many unsuspecting event ticketholders have discovered, to their dismay! -- is about 20 miles away from the Rogers Centre, in a completely different part of the city...!) 
• New York Times gift link:  "When the Choice to Be Childless Is Not Your Own" by Anna Louise Sussman, author of the upcoming book “Inconceivable:The Impossibility of Family in an Age of Uncertainty.” The article is U.S.-specific, but some of the questions it raises would apply in many other countries. 
• Sample quote:  "...what if we thought of starting a family as a fundamental human experience that should be available to all? What if we extended the ability to have a family — one that many possess as a matter of good fortune — into a basic human right?"
• (Not sure I have the "right" to have a family -- no one can guarantee that -- but I believe it should be a lot easier to TRY to have one, if that's what I want...)
• You've probably heard of "manspreading" -- entitled and oblivious men, spreading out and taking up valuable public space (particularly on public transit). How about "mumspreading"?  Emma Harris thoughtfully explains (on her own website, and on the Life Without Children Substack -- well worth a read!):   

Mumspreading, as I use it, describes something analogous: the ways in which some mums can take up physical, conversational, emotional space without much awareness of the impact on those around them.

This is, ultimately, a post about the invisible grief of childlessness, and what it means to take up space in a world not designed with you in mind.

#MicroblogMondays: World Childless Week 2026 is coming!

World Childless Week 2026 is coming in September -- the 10th annual!  Every year, WCW is built around submissions from childless people around the world -- essays, poems, letters, lists, videos, paintings... There are also webinars featuring community members, discussing relevant topics related to the daily themes. 

I always have great intentions to submit something 🙄 which never seem to materialize... and the deadline for submissions WAS this past weekend. However, things have been slow and so Stephanie Joy Phillips, the organizer, is keeping submissions open. If you've been thinking of submitting something, now is the time!  

(I just submitted Katie's name for the Our Family Tree project -- and I'll be taking part in a webinar on Sept. 17th... more details on that closer to the time!)  

Have a look at this year's daily topics (below) and go to the website for more information. You can also browse previous years' submissions for inspiration!  

This year's themes include:  

• Monday 14th September: Our Stories
• Tuesday 15th September: Childless Disability & Chronic Illness
• Wednesday 16th September: 10 Things You Should Know About Me
• Thursday 17th September: Childless Father's and Mother's Day
• Friday 18th September: "Why do YOU want time off? You haven't got kids!"
• Saturday 19th September: We Are Worthy
• Saturday 19th September: Our Family Tree (an ongoing remembrance project for our children's names)
• Sunday 20th September: Moving Forwards

Details on the themes and how to submit can be found here: https://worldchildlessweek.net/past-events . 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

Recent odds & ends

• World Childless Week (WCW) has announced the daily topics for WCW 2026 (Sept. 14th to 20th).  Learn more about WCW 2026 and how you can get involved here.   
• In a blog post for the World Childless Week website, Gayle Letherby offers "Some Reflections on Being ‘Other'." 
• Lana Manikowski at "Infertile and Childless: So Now What?" poses an important question: "When IVF Fails Again and Again: How Do You Know When Enough Is Enough?" 
• Lexi Weber at "Not Expecting" shares five observations about infertility (including that "Infertility makes you weird at brunch").  
• PJ is "In Transition" -- and yes, PJ, this all definitely sounds familiar!!  (Read her post and a few of my latest, and you'll understand why...!)  
• Every now & then, a long-dormant blog on my blogroll will pop to the top of the list with a new post. "Tips on Triplets" re-emerged recently with a post ("Trauma Chameleon") looking at the lingering effects of loss and trauma, 15 years later. 
• Y'all know I love the Flavia de Luce novels by Canadian author Alan Bradley. Sadly, I learned through one of my book clubs (where we read the first Flavia book together which was happily very well received!) that Bradley died on May 19th at age 87. How he managed to channel an 11-year-old girl (from 1950s UK -- when he'd never set foot there before he wrote the first book!) so incredibly well will remain a mystery...!  
• Very happily, he left one final Flavia novel for us:  "Numb Were the Beadsman's Fingers," available on Nov. 3rd.  :)  Also, "Flavia" the movie (based on the first Flavia book, "The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie") will be released in North America on Dec. 4th! (It's been out in the UK since early April.)  

#MicroblogMondays: Odds & ends

• 
  "I had an accident," my 86-year-old father sheepishly confessed over the phone on Sunday afternoon. (!!!)  VERY thankfully!! he's fine!  
• However! -- the wall between the garage and the laundry/mud room of the house is not. :( 
• He was bringing the car into the garage when it started raining on Friday. His foot slipped on the brake and the car crashed into the wall. (!)  :(  There is a sizeable dent in the wall that I am told you can see daylight through. (My sister was there this weekend, and has promised to send photos.) 
• Funnily enough, the car came through with barely a scratch too. 
• It will probably cost several thousand dollars to repair the wall -- money that my parents do not have to spare. ("Dust off your chequebook,"  my sister told me grimly.)  My sister's partner has boarded up the crash site to keep out the cold, rodents, etc., until it can be fixed.   
• The potentially good (?) news to come out of this is that my parents have agreed to add their names to the waiting lists for seniors housing in several different places in town this week -- something we've been wanting them to do for several years now. 
• I always thought it would probably take a crisis of some sort to get them to move. I'm just glad it wasn't something worse! 
• Big changes to come in the next few months/year, I think...  :(  
• World Childless Week is over and (sadly, as is often the case for me), I still haven't read or watched very many of the wonderful offerings now available on the WCW 2025 website. If you haven't yet done it yourself, go have a look! 
• I did manage to post something every day during WCW about the daily theme and any relevant posts I've written, all tagged "WCW 2025." 
• Seasonal allergies haven't bothered me much in recent years -- and when they have, it's usually in late May/early June. But this past week or two, I've been suffering through violent sneezing fits, scratchy throat & ears;  itchy, burning, sticky eyes; fatigue.... ugh. I've been taking Claritin daily since this started, which usually does the trick... I'm feeling somewhat better this weekend (fingers crossed...!), but it sure took its time kicking in...!  
• I know everyone advises you to close the windows & run an air purifier, but I hate to do that when it's been so nice outside (and the time that we can do that is rapidly dwindling, as temperatures start to drop...!). 
• I was so sad to hear that Robert Redford died this past week. (How was he 89?!!).  
• I fell in love with Redford at age 12 when I saw him (and Paul Newman! -- were there ever two more gorgeous men on screen, together or separately??) in "The Sting." (I didn't get to see "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" until several years later, on TV.) 
• My sister & I saw it with our two cousins, while our parents watched "Blazing Saddles" -- rated R -- in an adjacent theatre. And "The Exorcist" was playing in the theatre right next to ours.  I remember my cousin pressing his ear against the wall to see if he could hear people screaming, lol. 
• A few years later, my mom took my sister & me to the drive-in theatre -- on a school night! (such was the power of Redford back then...!) -- to see "The Great Gatsby." (But first, we had to sit through "The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad" -- what a double bill!!)  
• We saw "The Way We Were" around the same time.  And, in the years that followed, "The Great Waldo Pepper," "All the President's Men" (which I wrote about here), "Three Days of the Condor," "Sneakers," "The Natural," "Out of Africa" (saw that one on one of my birthdays), "The Horse Whisperer," and so many more -- not to mention the amazing movies he directed -- among them "Ordinary People," "Quiz Show," and "A River Runs Through It." 
• I was reminded of a popular dessert from the 1970s (which my mom still makes from time to time). It was commonly known as "Better Than Sex"(lol) -- but on my Mom's recipe card, it's called "The Next Best Thing to Robert Redford" (or simply "Robert Redford"), lol. 
• I realized the minute I mentioned this dessert, someone was going to ask for the recipe -- and while I think I have a copy somewhere, I took the easy way out and Googled, and sure enough, up it popped. If this isn't the exact same recipe my mom had, it's pretty close!  Enjoy! 
• ALI note:  Did you know Redford and his first wife Lola lost their first son Scott to SIDS in 1959?  He was just two months old. :(   (His parents were in their early 20s.) He also lost his second son, James, in 2020, to cancer, when James was 58.  
• They don't make 'em like that anymore... 
• While dh watched the first NFL game of the season on a recent Sunday afternoon, involving his beloved Pittsburgh Steelers, I blocked out the cursing and yelling (lol) by catching up on some podcast episodes, including a couple from The Full Stop.
• I also listened to episode #71 -- the one I appeared on with Sandra McNicol in February, talking about childlessness and pregnancy loss. (I posted about it here.) This was the first time I'd actually listened to the finished episode on audio only, although I'd watched a video recording the day after we recorded it. Maybe it was because I was actually just LISTENING and not WATCHING myself on a screen too, or maybe enough time has passed, but it was (thankfully!) not as difficult to listen to at this point..
• Y.L. Wolfe muses "This Is Why We Hate Childfree Women"  ("we" = society). (The answer is in her subhead:  "They represent everything the patriarchy fears.")  
• British podcaster and author Elizabeth Day had an article in The Guardian recently about a life-changing call with a psychic. (There's an ALI angle.)  
• I've been following Charlie Angus's Substack, "The Resistance," for a while now. Charlie is a year or two younger than me, a punk rocker in his youth (!) who still plays in a band, and who was, until recently, a member of Parliament from the New Democratic Party (NDP), representing the riding in northern Ontario where he was born. He's been one of the most vocal and effective advocates for a strong, independent Canada in recent months. 
• This particular post is about the Group of Seven (a group of influential 20th century Canadian artists), and how Tom Thomson's famous painting "The Jack Pine" personifies and symbolizes the country and our spirit of survival and resistance. 
• As a proud Canadian, and a member at the McMichael Canadian Art Collection, which has a large holding of Group of Seven artwork, this one struck a chord. ;)  
• I appreciated this Substack post from Garrett Bucks at The White Pages about social media and the role it plays in building community, for good and for bad:  "The Internet is Killing Us." 
• In a similar vein:  I'm an unpaid subscriber to Katherine May's Substack "The Clearing," and while most of this post -- also about social media -- is paywalled, I completely agree with her thoughts in the portion that's visible (particularly the second paragraph I've quoted here):  

I was one of the true believers in the early days of Twitter, and I’m still grateful for so much of what I’ve found and learned across the various platforms I’ve been on. But I think, on both a personal and professional basis, social media has become unmanageable. It’s addictive by design, primed to draw us into tribalism and conflict, and - unless your creative practice is making short videos - a major distraction from the work that matters.




And yet; and yet. I’m averse to the view that social media is uniformly evil or dangerous; I still believe that it can bring isolated people together in a way that we’ve never seen before. I don’t think I’ll ever be the kind of author who does no socials at all. I love the opportunity to be in contact with the the people who read my books and with other authors. I often think of how unnerving the author’s life must once have been before we could do this: sending out books into silence, and perhaps waiting months for any response.




So I remain on social media, but in a far more controlled way than I once did... 

I've been trying (trying!) to wean myself away from social media a bit, especially the mindless scrolling. I still have a Twitter/X account, but rarely go on there. I'm on Bluesky & Threads, but try to limit the time I spend scrolling there. I am not on TikTok. 

On Facebook, I generally just go straight to "Feeds/Friends," where I only see content posted by my friends. (There's a feed for "Groups" too.)  Depending on the friends (lol), I may not may not be interested in or agree with what they post (but that's where the "mute" button comes in handy, lol), but the "Friends" feed is much more curated than just scrolling through the random stuff in the general feed, and I get to see more of the stuff that matters to me -- i.e., my friends' posts -- which is what I came to social media for in the first place.  

• Infertile Phoenix has noticed a substantial increase in the number of views her blog has been getting lately, and asked readers to indicate if they're human (or bots?).  
• Someone commented on Phoenix's post to say it was probably "'referral spam—fake visits that try to show up in your Google Analytics so you’ll click the link or buy their “traffic” service. It’s noise, not real customers.'" That's good to know. 
• I don't often look at my stats -- I've never been one to worry about increasing readership and getting clicks, etc; I'm just happy if people who are looking for support and want to feel less alone find my blog. 
• But I was curious, so I had a look. Sure enough, there's been a SUBSTANTIAL spike in page views recently. If I look at the trends over time, there was a small spike in mid-2023, a larger spike in early 2024, and then a HUGE spike this past month, peaking at almost 86,000 views on Sept. 19th alone (an all-time high)! That's BONKERS!! (compared to what I was getting in years gone by). 
• The U.S. is still a top source of viewers, but I've had a huge uptick in viewers from Hong Kong, Singapore and Brazil, among others.  
• "Referral spam" or not, it's a bit creepy. I wonder if AI is scraping my blog (our blogs?) to fuel its databases... or possibly (even worse) whether childless women are being targeted and monitored in some way for political purposes?    
• I try not to get too overtly political here -- but it seems like everything is political these days, especially when it comes to women, reproductive matters, and those of us who have deviated from the "norm" (even when that's been despite our desires and best efforts). 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

World Childless Week, Day Seven: Moving Forwards

The focus of Day Seven of  World Childless Week 2025 (as it usually is for the final day of WCW) is "Moving Forwards."  

From the website description: 

Have you seen glimmers of hope or changes in your mood that make you smile? Have you started to make new plans or found new ideas popping into your head? Are you starting to like and celebrate who you are, the life you have and the future that is waiting for you? 

Has the road forward become LESS OF A MOUNTAIN and MORE OF A RAMBLE?

*** *** ***  

The passage of time (almost -- gulp!! -- 25+ years!!) since I left fertility treatments, and looking back on certain milestones will often bring a shock of recognition of how things have changed, how far I've come and how differently I feel now than I did then. (One advantage of getting older is that fewer and fewer people ask and hint and prod you about pregnancy plans... although eventually, you start getting questions about how many grandchildren you have instead...!)

I think back to one particular incident, at Christmastime, a few years after we had thrown in the towel on infertility treatments, which showed me that perhaps I was further down the road of acceptance than I had realized.  I wrote about it here. 

Another measure of progress would be my increasing ability/willingness to enter a Baby Gap (or other baby/kids' clothing) store. (And, dare I say, to even enjoy it??)  Once, it was a source of pain, to be avoided. I eventually did get to the point where I could go in to buy a baby shower gift (even if was often just a gift card...!). These days, I love to go there (and other children's wear stores) to shop for our three great-niblings -- albeit the little girls' racks in particular still have the power to give me occasional pangs... 

There are probably other markers of progress that I've written about over the years, although I can't recall any other specific posts to share here with you right now. 

One thing I remember from our pregnancy loss support group days is that you never realized just how far you'd come down this road less travelled until someone new arrived, fresh and raw in their own grief. I still see that to some extent today, when I read social media posts and responses from younger women who are new to the stunning realization that they will not have the children they assumed they would have. 

My life today is very different from the life I once imagined I would be leading. I will never stop missing my daughter, and wondering about that other life I might have had, that once seemed within my grasp... 

But even so, all things considered? I have a pretty damn good life. I don't think it's better or worse than the life I might have led, if I'd had children.  It's just different. It's a good life, on its own merits.  And I'm not going to pretend otherwise, or apologize for it. I didn't get a "rainbow baby," but I think I've found rainbows in my life in other ways. The strong relationship I have with my husband, closer relationships we've forged with our nephews and now their children (closer than if we'd had our own kids & grandkids to focus on, I'm sure), early retirement, nice home, occasional travel, mornings that I get to sleep in, freedom and flexibility in other ways... I consider all these things and more the "silver linings" in the dark cloud of pregnancy loss, infertility, involuntary childlessness and grief that shadowed my life for so many years. I think I've earned them. 

Check out today's content on the WCW site, including community members' contributions, and five free, live webinars related to this subject. They will be recorded and the links will be posted later on the Day Seven page and WCW YouTube channel for anyone who cannot watch live.  

World Childless Week, Day Six: We Are Worthy

The focus of Day Six of  World Childless Week 2025 is "We Are Worthy." 

This is a frequent WCW theme!  From the website description: 

There are times we doubt who we are, and question where we fit in society. Today is the day to yell “here I am, and I am wonderful and worthy to be seen and heard for being exactly who I am”. So polish your crown, stand up tall, and belief in your worth.  

Today is your day to smile and SHOUT about HOW WONDERFUL YOU ARE!

*** *** ***  

Back in 2018, there was an online summit for childless people during National Infertility Awareness Week on the theme of "We Are Worthy," and I wrote about it and my thoughts on the subject of worthiness here. 

I can't think of any other posts I've written about worth/worthiness in particular -- but I have pointed out plenty of examples of pronatalism and how the childless/free experience has been marginalized, when I've found them. I didn't know the term "pronatalism" when I first started this blog, so I started using the tag "mommy mania" -- the best I could come up with at the time. I've since re-tagged most of those posts as "pronatalism." 

The "bible" on pronatalism from a childfree (by choice) perspective would be "The Baby Matrix" by Laura Carroll (which I reviewed here).  A real eye-opener, and highly recommended!  

On the flip side, I suppose, would be the posts I've written about/touching on feminism, tagged as "the f word." I was brought up thoroughly steeped in the second-wave feminist messages of the 1970s (for good and for bad);  I have always believed and often said that I am more than my uterus. Unfortunately, that's still not the message that society tends to send us or the people around us....!  -- and pronatalism is, sadly, making a resurgence these days. 

We shouldn't have to -- we need not -- justify or apologize for our lack of children. We are so many things besides our parental status, our ability to reproduce. We are more than our uteruses.  We have so much more to offer the world than (just) children -- if the world would only take the time to stop, think, and see us -- REALLY see us.  We are whole, complex, amazing, valuable, human beings, just as we are. 

We are worthy. 

Check out today's content on the WCW site, including community members' contributions, and five free, live webinars related to this subject. They will be recorded and the links will be posted later on the Day Six page and WCW YouTube channel for anyone who cannot watch live.  

Also be sure to check out the separate page of member submissions for the #IAmMe gallery! From the website:  "#IAmMe is about finding your positives, seeing your achievements, sharing your joys, celebrating what you love: your hobies, personality traits, relationships, achievements, qualifications, inner worth and who you are in this world. #IAmMe is about anything you want it to be."

World Childless Week, Day Five: Have You Got Kids?

Day Five of  World Childless Week 2025 is all about how we answer (or don't answer) that seemingly innocent (but dreaded) question: "Have you got kids?"  

From the website description: 

Do you make a joke or try to change the subject, to hide your emotions? Do you simply respond “no” or give them an indepth answer and put them on the end of feeling awkward? Are there things you’d like to say but instead bite your tongue whilst holding back tears? How does this question make you feel? 

Is it time for us to CHANGE the NARRATIVE? 

*** *** ***  

I don't think I've written any posts that deal specifically with this question -- but I'm sure there's a few anecdotes on this blog somewhere...! -- because I most certainly have been asked this question (many times) -- and had to deal with the awkwardness that always follows when I have to tell people "no."  

In my/our younger days, before or while we were trying to conceive, I would say no, followed by a vague "One of these days..."  

I remember being at an engagement party for one of dh's cousins, about 30 years ago, when we were in the very early stages of ttc, after 10 years of marriage. I was chatting with the future groom -- we'd met a few times before, but hadn't really had a personal conversation between us -- and he asked me the dreaded question. When I said no, he practically shouted (in front of the entire party), "WELL, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR??" (I've often wondered whether he remembers that conversation -- because I sure do -- and/or regrets his words -- especially given how things evolved in the years after that...!) 

And I distinctly remember being at an all-day/12-hour scrapbooking crop (post-loss and failed fertility treatments) and being seated at a table with a couple of women who were friends -- and moms -- and chatting away non-stop about their children (all day!), while working on scrapbook pages about them. "Do you have any kids?"  one finally asked me. "No," I said. That immediately killed the conversation, not only for the next few minutes, but for the rest of the day! -- they completely ignored me after that, and neither of them addressed another word to me!!  Talk about awkward...!  

Almost as bad:  the follow-up assumptive questions or remarks:  "What's the matter, don't you like kids?"  Or, "Must be nice...." Or, "Oh, you must get to do a lot of travelling then!" (Actually, no -- I had a job, I had family to visit during my vacation, and even when you're retired, you can't afford to travel 365 days a year...!) 

The good news is, now that I'm in my 60s, I don't get asked very often anymore. (Of course I haven't actually met a lot of new people lately...!) 

I'm of a few minds when it comes to answering this question. First -- if people are going to ask the question, they need to be prepared for the answer, even if it's not the usual one (and even if it's difficult for them to hear, if they press me on "why not?").  Second, it's entirely acceptable to deflect a bit with a response along the lines of "Well, that's a kind of painful topic..." And third, not everyone has earned the right to hear my story. If they press further, it's okay to firmly respond, "It's not something I'm comfortable talking about" -- and/or "Next subject?" (Although it's amazing to me how many women/mothers find it difficult to talk about or show interest in any subject other than their children...!) 

Check out today's content on the WCW site, including community members' contributions, and four free, live webinars related to this subject. They will be recorded and the links will be posted later on the Day Five page and WCW YouTube channel for anyone who cannot watch live.  

World Childless Week, Day Four: Childless Health Care?

Day Four of  World Childless Week 2025 is all about "Childless Health Care?" From the website description: 

Have you sat in a gynae room surrounded by pregnant women? Have you woke up on a hospital ward surrounded by new mums? Has a fertility clinic ignored you as soon as you ran out of money for more treatment? Has a nurse made a joke that was insensitive, a doctor used terminology that hurt? 

Has the health system let you down and created MORE HEARTACHE than HEALING?

*** *** ***  

Overall, I was lucky to have had great care from my family doctor and ob-gyn (perhaps less so from the fertility clinic and RE...!) -- and, being Canadian, I've never had to deal with the matter of bills, being "in-network," etc.  (Fertility treatment, of course, was another matter entirely...!)  

But I know most of the above painful scenarios have applied to me, and I imagine any childless-not-by-choice woman will have encountered at least one or more (and possibly all) of these at some point. My one big exception on the list:  I was very lucky that I never woke up on a hospital ward surrounded by new mothers; I delivered my stillborn daughter at a big city hospital where they routinely handled these situations, and had a special wing with private rooms to deal with them. (One CNBC mother I know remembers spending her son's final moments in the privacy of what was essentially a broom closet. Seriously.) 

My room was, however, on the same floor as the maternity ward, in the same wing as rooms where parents could spend time with their dying babies, and directly across the hallway from the neonatal intensive care unit. We couldn't see inside, but we could hear the beeps of the monitors whenever the door opened.  

My most relevant posts on this subject will likely be found under the labels "1998 memories" and "The Treatment Diaries," although I'm sure there are many more. (I have a general label of "health," but it's pretty broad, and there are currently almost 300 posts in that category!) 

Check out today's content on the WCW site, including community members' contributions, and four free, live webinars related to this subject. They will be recorded and the links will be posted later on the Day Four page and WCW YouTube channel for anyone who cannot watch live.  

World Childless Week, Day Three: Childlessness & The Arts

Day Three of  World Childless Week 2025 is focused on "Childlessness and the Arts." From the website description: 

Do you use the power of your voice to release emotions through singing or acting? Does the stillness of photography or silence of painting give you the opportunity to explore your emotions? Does the physical exertion of pottery or freedom of dance allow you to express the words you can’t say?

WHAT HAVE YOU CREATED that explores your childlessness? 

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What have I created that explores my childlessness?  This blog, of course! ;)  But I've seen & heard some wonderful creations (of all sorts) from childless artists, musicians, writers & crafters. I'm really looking forward to seeing what they have to share today! 

But do check out today's content on the WCW site, including community members' contributions, and two free, live webinars related to this subject. They will be recorded and the links will be posted later on the Day Three page and WCW YouTube channel for anyone who cannot watch live.  

World Childless Week, Day Two: Childless LGBTQIA+

Day Two of World Childless Week 2025 is about "Childless LGBTQIA+."  From the website description: 

What do you encounter that is hidden from society that needs to be brought to the forefront and exposed? Have you been denied or found it harder to get fertility treatment because of your relationship status, sexuality or gender identity? Have people made assumptions about your desire to have been a parent because of how you identify? 

Has YOUR IDENTITY caused you ADDITIONAL  STRUGGLES with prejudice, discrimination and judgement when facing childlessness?

*** *** ***  

This is obviously a topic that lies outside of my lived experience. I have touched on LGBT+ issues in some of my past posts, but I hesitate to link to them here today (today really isn't about me, you know?).  

But do check out today's content on the WCW site, including community members' contributions, and free, live webinars related to this subject. They will be recorded and the links will be posted later on the Day Two page and WCW YouTube channel for anyone who cannot make the live event. 

#MicroblogMondays: It's World Childless Week! Day One: Our Stories

(Reposted with updates and additions from previous years' WCW Day One: Our Stories posts.)   

World Childless Week is here!  -- an entire week filled with inspiring and comforting things to read, watch, listen to and participate in, focused on a different topic/theme each day (and new material posted daily too). If you miss some of the live webinars, don't worry;  they are posted on the WCW website later in the day/week to be enjoyed and consulted indefinitely. (Previous years' WCW content is also available onsite -- what a great resource for our community!) 

As usual, I didn't manage to get my act together to write something new (or even in time for a morning post...!)  -- but I'm always happy to promote WCW here. A couple of years ago, it occurred to me that I've already covered many of the WCW topics in my blog over the almost (gulp) 18 (!) years I've been writing here. So each day this week, I will *attempt* (I have great intentions...!) to post about the day's topic here, with some links to some of my own previous writing here on the subject (if any). (Some of the content I wrote for previous years' WCW summary posts may be repurposed for this year's posts.) 

Enjoy! :) 

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Day One is focused on the theme "Our Stories" (as it usually is).  

We often find our words are dismissed, truth laughed at and emotions swept aside. If you are childless due to infertility, circumstance, chance or tough choices, you can share your story here with confidence. We won’t judge, we are just hear to listen.

Today is YOUR day to share YOUR childless story in YOUR way.

I'm a firm believer in the power of telling our stories (if only to each other, at least at first). Meetings of the pregnancy loss support group that dh & I used to facilitate would always begin by going around the room and having each person introduce themselves and tell us their story, what brought them to us. Sometimes (especially at first), the stories would be long, detailed and filled with tears. Over time, new details would emerge that we hadn't heard before. And we'd learn to develop a shortened "Reader's Digest" version of our story, which left more time for the longer stories (plus, over time, the "regulars" would all get to know each other and each others' stories pretty well, so it wasn't quite as necessary or important to go through all the details for the umpteenth time). 

Telling and retelling our stories to each other like this, week after week, in a supportive environment among others who had similar stories to tell, was good practice for handling those inevitable innocent questions and awkward encounters that all of us experience, sooner or later. In training sessions, we also learned that telling our stories, or some version of them -- over and over and over again -- actually helps our brains to process what happened. 

I think the same principles apply to our stories about our childlessness.  Our stories matter, because they're OURS, and because by telling them, we light the way for other childless women looking for support and comfort.  

Our stories remind each other that we are not alone.  

This entire blog, of course, is my story :) (or at least parts of/a version of it) and it has evolved, along with my story, over the past 18 years.  A barebones, thumbnail version of my story can be found in the "About me" Blogger profile near the top of this page on the right-hand side (or in the link here). You can find a slightly longer version in the "About me" page (found just under the title/header of this blog). The "Timeline" page (link right beside the "About me" link) also gives you an idea of how my story unfolded and some of the significant dates & events. 

If you're *really* interested in all the gory details (and be forewarned, some of them ARE a bit gory, emotionally if not physically), I wrote a series of posts tagged "1998 memories" in which I relived my one doomed pregnancy, 10 years after the fact. I did the same thing with "The Treatment Diaries," all about our foray into infertility treatments, 10 years after we abandoned them and resigned ourselves to permanent childlessness. 

I also wrote a few posts shortly after I started this blog, where I told a condensed version of my story (up to that time): 

• Blogtivism: My Story (& how mandated coverage could have helped) (November 2007)
• How we made "the decision" (November 2007)

If you have some difficulty telling your story to others (and I know I have!) -- especially to parents who might not understand/appreciate the subtleties of involuntary childlessness -- take comfort in the words of Brene Brown -- who emphasizes the importance of telling our stories -- but also this:  

Our stories are not meant for everyone. Hearing them is a privilege, and we should always ask ourselves this before we share: "Who has earned the right to hear my story?" If we have one or two people in our lives who can sit with us and hold space for our shame stories, and love us for our strengths and struggles, we are incredibly lucky. If we have a friend, or small group of friends, or family who embraces our imperfections, vulnerabilities, and power, and fills us with a sense of belonging, we are incredibly lucky.

Check out today's content on the WCW site, including community members' contributions. Today's webinars have all concluded (as World Childless Week is a UK-based initiative, most webinars take place in the early morning through mid-afternoon hours, North American time), but all were recorded, and the videos will be posted to the WCW 2025 Day One page, as well as the WCW YouTube channel, for anyone who missed seeing them live.  

There will be more community submissions and webinars tomorrow, when the topic will be "Childless LGBTQIA+." 

(Mali is also promoting World Childless Week on her blog -- check out her post here.) 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

World Childless Week: Day Seven: Moving Forwards

Day Seven of World Childless Week 2024 is focused -- as it usually is -- on the theme "Moving Forwards."  

From the website description: 

What big steps or subtle differences have you noticed over the last year? Have you gone to a child heavy event and enjoyed yourself, or been prepared and confident to leave when it became too much? Have you spoken openly about being childless, made a small comment on a social media post that inferred negatively towards the childless, or approached a manager in work about inclusivity? Have you rediscovered old interests or just started to just feel better when you wake each day enlightened that you can now make new dreams? 

We still may sway sideways and backwards at times, but see those steps as part of your dance moving slowly and steadily forwards. 

The passage of time (20+ years!!) and looking back on certain milestones will often bring a shock of recognition of how things have changed, how far I've come and how differently I feel now than I did then. (One advantage of getting older is that fewer and fewer people ask and hint and prod you about pregnancy plans... although eventually, you start getting questions about how many grandchildren you have instead...!)

I think back to one particular incident, at Christmastime, a few years after we had thrown in the towel on infertility treatments, which showed me that perhaps I was further down the road of acceptance than I had realized.  I wrote about it here. 

Another measure of progress would be my increasing ability/willingness to enter a Baby Gap (or other baby clothing) store. Once, it was a source of pain, to be avoided. I eventually did get to the point where I could go in to buy a baby shower gift (even if was often just a gift card...!). These days, I love to go there (and other children's wear stores) to shop for Little Great-Nephew & Little Great-Niece -- albeit the little girls' racks still have the power to give me occasional pangs... 

There are probably other markers of progress that I've written about over the years, although I can't recall any other specific posts to share here with you right now. 

One thing I remember from our pregnancy loss support group days is that you never realized just how far you'd come down this road less travelled until someone new arrived, fresh and raw in their own grief. I still see that to some extent today when I read social media posts and responses from younger women who are new to the stunning realization that they will not have the children they assumed they would have. 

Check out today's content on the WCW site, including community members' contributions, and FIVE  free, live webinars related to this subject. They will be recorded and the links will be posted later on the Day Seven page for anyone who cannot make the live event. 

World Childless Week: Day Six: We Are Worthy

Day Six of World Childless Week 2024 is focused on the theme "We Are Worthy."  

This is a frequent WCW theme!  From the website description: 

Yes we are, and we need to keep shouting it to the point we believe it and so does everyone else. We were whole and wonderfully unique from the day we were born; having children does not equate to worthiness. We don’t need to achieve anything spectacular during our lives; just being kind can complete us and leave its mark. 

Today it’s time to sing your praises and tell us why you are worthy. 

Several years ago, there was an online summit for childless people during National Infertility Awareness Week on the theme of "We Are Worthy," and I wrote about it and my thoughts on the subject of worthiness here. I can't think of any other posts I've written about worth/worthiness in particular -- but I have pointed out plenty of examples of pronatalism and how the childless/free experience has been marginalized, when I've found them. I didn't know the term "pronatalism" when I first started this blog, so I started using the tag "mommy mania" -- the best I could come up with at the time. I've since re-tagged most of those posts as "pronatalism." 

The "bible" on pronatalism from a childfree (by choice) perspective would be "The Baby Matrix" by Laura Carroll (which I reviewed here).  A real eye-opener, and highly recommended!  

On the flip side, I suppose, would be the posts I've written about or touching on feminism, tagged as "the f word." I was brought up thoroughly steeped in the second-wave feminist messages of the 1970s (for good and for bad);  I have always believed and often said that I am more than my uterus. Unfortunately, that's still not the message that society tends to send us or the people around us....!  

Check out today's content on the WCW site, including community members' contributions, and three free, live webinars related to this subject. They will be recorded and the links will be posted later on the Day Six page for anyone who cannot make the live event. 

World Childless Week: Day Five: No Kids! Do You Want Mine?

Day Five of World Childless Week 2024 is about comments that hurt -- with a particular focus on the tired old "joke" "No Kids!  Do You Want Mine?" 

From the website description: 

How does this comment make you feel? Does it feel ridiculous or make you angry? Do they not think we may have considered adoption or fostering and their words could be opening up a whole can of worms? Should we say yes please, pack them an overnight bag and I’ll be around with a van to collect the rest of their stuff tomorrow! Is it simply cruel because of the disregard it shows for our situation, and the implication that their children could fill the hole left in our hearts at never having our own. 

Is it meant to be a joke, because I don’t hear anyone but the parent laughing?   

Needless to say, over 17 years, I've written a LOT of posts venting about the really dumb, hurtful things that people have said to me or within my hearing. :p  No specific posts that I can point to, but you would find some of them under the labels "annoying things" and "WTF?"  ;)  

Re: the specific question in today's theme:  I HAVE been asked that ("you want to take her??"). Even more annoying, it was someone who really should have known better (a fellow loss mom who had been through infertility and eventually adopted). 

Also: an online friend from my original childless living group once had someone ask her "the question."  She told us she enthusiastically responded, "Okay!" and knelt down to talk to the child. "Guess what, you're coming home with me!  We're going to have a lot of fun..." and blathered on in that vein until the mom hustled the kid away, with a few strange looks back at my friend, lol. (Well, she ASKED...!)  This was years ago, but I like to think she thought twice before asking that question again...!  

Check out today's content on the WCW site, including community members' contributions, and three free, live webinars related to this subject. They will be recorded and the links will be posted later on the Day Five page for anyone who cannot make the live event. 

World Childless Week 2024: Day Four: Childless Friend or Foe?

Day Four of World Childless Week 2024 is about friendship -- "Childless Friend or Foe?" From the website description: 

 Have you seen or felt the gap of friendship widen as friends become parents? Have you struggled to find mutual ground and felt pushed aside as they navigate to other mums, cancel dates or suddenly appear with a baby in tow when it was supposed to be a girl’s afternoon? Have you had a situation where a friend who you thought understood has suddenly made a comment or sent a photo that totally broke down the bond you had? Who was it who pulled away, perhaps you did and are happier for it; or maybe there is lasting sadness? Or have you stayed friends with someone who really has been there for you and tried to understand even when they truly don’t? Maybe you’ve reached out and reconnected with a past friend or created a whole new friendship circle. 

How do you feel about building friendships, are you confident to reach out to mums, the childless and childfree alike in order to build bridges and create understanding?     

This blog includes nearly 500 posts (!) labelled "family/friends."  Clearly, there's a lot to talk/write about when it comes to our friends and families, and how they support us -- or not -- as childless people.  It's also clear that I did not have the time nor the energy to comb through 500 posts in search of some good representative posts to share here...! 

I did, however, remember that I have written a lot of posts about the support I've received from childless women in online communities over the past 20+ years.. Some of them are tagged as "iVillage message board" and "SPALS email list."   

As I went through those posts -- and did a search specifically for posts about "friendship" -- I found a couple of posts that seemed worth noting:  

• From 2017: "It takes a village" 
• From 2018: "Social capital, adult friendships & childlessness"
• More recently, from August 2024: "#MicroblogMondays: Online friends are real friends :)"

Check out today's content on the WCW site, including community members' contributions, and two free, live webinars related to this subject. They will be recorded and the links will be posted later on the Day Four page for anyone who cannot make the live event.