#MicroblogMondays: It's World Childless Week! Day One: Our Stories

(Reposted with updates and additions from previous years' WCW Day One: Our Stories posts.)   

World Childless Week is here!  -- an entire week filled with inspiring and comforting things to read, watch, listen to and participate in, focused on a different topic/theme each day (and new material posted daily too). If you miss some of the live webinars, don't worry;  they are posted on the WCW website later in the day/week to be enjoyed and consulted indefinitely. (Previous years' WCW content is also available onsite -- what a great resource for our community!) 

As usual, I didn't manage to get my act together to write something new (or even in time for a morning post...!)  -- but I'm always happy to promote WCW here. A couple of years ago, it occurred to me that I've already covered many of the WCW topics in my blog over the almost (gulp) 18 (!) years I've been writing here. So each day this week, I will *attempt* (I have great intentions...!) to post about the day's topic here, with some links to some of my own previous writing here on the subject (if any). (Some of the content I wrote for previous years' WCW summary posts may be repurposed for this year's posts.) 

Enjoy! :) 

*** *** *** 

Day One is focused on the theme "Our Stories" (as it usually is).  

We often find our words are dismissed, truth laughed at and emotions swept aside. If you are childless due to infertility, circumstance, chance or tough choices, you can share your story here with confidence. We won’t judge, we are just hear to listen.

Today is YOUR day to share YOUR childless story in YOUR way.

I'm a firm believer in the power of telling our stories (if only to each other, at least at first). Meetings of the pregnancy loss support group that dh & I used to facilitate would always begin by going around the room and having each person introduce themselves and tell us their story, what brought them to us. Sometimes (especially at first), the stories would be long, detailed and filled with tears. Over time, new details would emerge that we hadn't heard before. And we'd learn to develop a shortened "Reader's Digest" version of our story, which left more time for the longer stories (plus, over time, the "regulars" would all get to know each other and each others' stories pretty well, so it wasn't quite as necessary or important to go through all the details for the umpteenth time). 

Telling and retelling our stories to each other like this, week after week, in a supportive environment among others who had similar stories to tell, was good practice for handling those inevitable innocent questions and awkward encounters that all of us experience, sooner or later. In training sessions, we also learned that telling our stories, or some version of them -- over and over and over again -- actually helps our brains to process what happened. 

I think the same principles apply to our stories about our childlessness.  Our stories matter, because they're OURS, and because by telling them, we light the way for other childless women looking for support and comfort.  

Our stories remind each other that we are not alone.  

This entire blog, of course, is my story :) (or at least parts of/a version of it) and it has evolved, along with my story, over the past 18 years.  A barebones, thumbnail version of my story can be found in the "About me" Blogger profile near the top of this page on the right-hand side (or in the link here). You can find a slightly longer version in the "About me" page (found just under the title/header of this blog). The "Timeline" page (link right beside the "About me" link) also gives you an idea of how my story unfolded and some of the significant dates & events. 

If you're *really* interested in all the gory details (and be forewarned, some of them ARE a bit gory, emotionally if not physically), I wrote a series of posts tagged "1998 memories" in which I relived my one doomed pregnancy, 10 years after the fact. I did the same thing with "The Treatment Diaries," all about our foray into infertility treatments, 10 years after we abandoned them and resigned ourselves to permanent childlessness. 

I also wrote a few posts shortly after I started this blog, where I told a condensed version of my story (up to that time): 

• Blogtivism: My Story (& how mandated coverage could have helped) (November 2007)
• How we made "the decision" (November 2007)

If you have some difficulty telling your story to others (and I know I have!) -- especially to parents who might not understand/appreciate the subtleties of involuntary childlessness -- take comfort in the words of Brene Brown -- who emphasizes the importance of telling our stories -- but also this:  

Our stories are not meant for everyone. Hearing them is a privilege, and we should always ask ourselves this before we share: "Who has earned the right to hear my story?" If we have one or two people in our lives who can sit with us and hold space for our shame stories, and love us for our strengths and struggles, we are incredibly lucky. If we have a friend, or small group of friends, or family who embraces our imperfections, vulnerabilities, and power, and fills us with a sense of belonging, we are incredibly lucky.

Check out today's content on the WCW site, including community members' contributions. Today's webinars have all concluded (as World Childless Week is a UK-based initiative, most webinars take place in the early morning through mid-afternoon hours, North American time), but all were recorded, and the videos will be posted to the WCW 2025 Day One page, as well as the WCW YouTube channel, for anyone who missed seeing them live.  

There will be more community submissions and webinars tomorrow, when the topic will be "Childless LGBTQIA+." 

(Mali is also promoting World Childless Week on her blog -- check out her post here.) 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

#MicroblogMondays: It's World Childless Week! Day One: Our Stories

(Reposted with updates and additions from a previous WCW-related post dated September 12, 2022.)  

World Childless Week is here!  -- an entire week filled with inspiring and comforting things to read, watch, listen to and participate in, focused on a different topic/theme each day (and new material posted daily too). If you miss some of the live webinars, don't worry;  they are posted on the WCW website later in the day/week to be enjoyed and consulted indefinitely. (Previous years' WCW content is also available onsite -- what a great resource for our community!) 

As usual, I didn't manage to get my act together to write something new -- but I did participate in this year's very first webinar this morning! (more on that below!) -- and I'm always happy to promote WCW here. A couple of years ago, it occurred to me that I've already covered many of the WCW topics in my blog over the almost (gulp) 17 years I've been writing here. So each day this week, it will be my intention to post about the day's topic here, with some links to some of my own writing on the subject (if I have written about it in the past). (Some of the content I wrote for previous years' WCW summary posts may be repurposed for this year's posts.) 

Enjoy! :) 

*** *** *** 

Day One is focused on the theme "Our Stories" (as it usually is).  

Our voices are often unheard and dismissed and our stories are twisted by the media to reflect their desired outcome rather than the gritty reality we face. Society often assumes we all have issues that can be resolved through IVF, adoption and “just relaxing”. Our stories are important as they explain the reality of why we find ourselves as childless, the emotions we have to face and the grief that sits in our heart. If you are childless not by choice, due to infertility, circumstance, chance or tough choices, you can share your story here with confidence.  

We may not have travelled the same path but we’ve all arrived at the same destination; no matter how dark you have felt, we’ve been there too, and we understand. 

I'm a firm believer in the power of telling our stories (if only to each other, at least at first). Meetings of the pregnancy loss support group that dh & I used to facilitate would always begin by going around the room and having each person introduce themselves and tell us their story, what brought them to us. Sometimes (especially at first), the stories would be long, detailed and filled with tears. Over time, new details would emerge that we hadn't heard before. And we'd learn to develop a shortened "Reader's Digest" version of our story, which left more time for the longer stories (plus, over time, the "regulars" would all get to know each other and each others' stories pretty well, so it wasn't quite as necessary or important to go through all the details for the umpteenth time). 

Telling and retelling our stories to each other like this, week after week, in a supportive environment among others who had similar stories to tell, was good practice for handling those inevitable innocent questions and awkward encounters that all of us experience, sooner or later. In training sessions, we also learned that telling our stories, or some version of them -- over and over and over again -- helps us to process what happened. 

I think the same principles apply to our stories about our childlessness.  Our stories matter, because they're OURS, and because by telling them, we light the way for other childless women looking for support and comfort.  Our stories remind each other that we are not alone.  

This entire blog, of course, is my story :) (or at least parts of/a version of it) and it has evolved, along with my story, over the past 17 years.  A barebones, thumbnail version of my story can be found in the "About me" Blogger profile near the top of this page on the right-hand side (or in the link here). You can find a slightly longer version in the "About me" page (found just under the title/header of this blog). The "Timeline" page (link right beside the "About me" link) also gives you an idea of how my story unfolded and some of the significant dates & events. 

If you're really interested in all the gory details (and be forewarned, some of them ARE a bit gory, emotionally if not physically), I wrote a series of posts tagged "1998 memories" in which I relived my one doomed pregnancy, 10 years after the fact. I did the same thing with "The Treatment Diaries," all about our foray into infertility treatments, 10 years after we abandoned them and resigned ourselves to permanent childlessness. 

I also wrote a few posts shortly after I started this blog, where I told a condensed version of my story (up to that time): 

• Blogtivism: My Story (& how mandated coverage could have helped) (November 2007)
• How we made "the decision" (November 2007)

If you have some difficulty telling your story to others (and I know I have!) -- especially to parents who might not understand/appreciate the subtleties of involuntary childlessness -- take comfort in the words of Brene Brown -- who emphasizes the importance of telling our stories -- but also this:  

Our stories are not meant for everyone. Hearing them is a privilege, and we should always ask ourselves this before we share: "Who has earned the right to hear my story?" If we have one or two people in our lives who can sit with us and hold space for our shame stories, and love us for our strengths and struggles, we are incredibly lucky. If we have a friend, or small group of friends, or family who embraces our imperfections, vulnerabilities, and power, and fills us with a sense of belonging, we are incredibly lucky.

Check out today's content on the WCW site, including community members' contributions. Today's webinars -- "What Can We Learn From Our Family History?" featuring a conversation between Michael Hughes of the Full Stop podcast and yours truly ;) -- "Emotional Seasons of Childlessness" with Sandra McNicol and others; and "Childlessness and Childhood Trauma" with Juli Angelis, have all concluded, but were recorded, and the videos will be posted to the Day One page as well as the WCW YouTube channel, for anyone who missed seeing them live.  

*** *** *** 

I was up before dawn this morning -- it actually just started turning light outside when I logged onto the Zoom link just before 7 AM for our webinar about family history/genealogy and childlessness with Michael Hughes this morning (it was 9 PM for Michael in Australia! and 12 noon for Stephanie Phillips in the UK).  I'll admit I was a bit nervous, especially at first -- I've been around the childless community for a long time now, but haven't spoken much publicly about my experiences, especially under my full/real name!  But Michael & I could probably talk about this stuff all day (lol) ;)  and the hour went by pretty quickly.  We had, I think, 17 participants watching live at one point -- not bad for early morning on a work day! -- and a few questions in the chat and Q&A.  

If you watched (live, or later), I'd love to know what you thought!  (A special hello to anyone who found this blog as a result of the webinar/WCW!)   And if you have questions, you can ask them in the comments below, and I will try to answer.  

Here's a previous blog post with some background on how the webinar came about. :)   

You can find my other genealogy-related posts here. 

I'm particularly fond of this post from 2014, which tells the story of Aunt Maggie, who saved the letters that spurred my interest in my family history (and provided some valuable clues), and also includes the quote from George Elliot's novel "Middlemarch," which I read near the end of our webinar. :)  

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.  

World Childless Week 2022, Day One: Our Stories

The sixth annual World Childless Week is here!  -- an entire week filled with inspiring and comforting things to read, watch, listen to and participate in, focused on a different topic/theme each day (and new material posted daily too). If you miss some of the live webinars, don't worry;  they are posted on the WCW website later in the day/week to be enjoyed and consulted indefinitely. (The past five years of amazing WCW content is also available onsite -- what a great resource!) 

As usual, I didn't manage to get my act together to write something new -- but I'm always happy to promote WCW -- and last year, it occurred to me that I've covered many of the topics in my blog over the almost (gulp) 15 years I've been writing here. So each day, I'll post about the day's topic here, with some links to some of my own writing on the subject (if I have written about it). (Some of the content I wrote last year for WCW may be repurposed for this year's posts.) 

Enjoy! :) 

*** *** *** 

Day One is focused on the theme "Our Stories" (as it was in the three previous years too).  

Whilst we all share the same grief of childlessness, we each have a different story to tell of how we arrived here: the struggles to conceive, the sadness of not meeting a partner, the tough choices that broke our hearts, the circumstances that prevented and blocked our chance to be a parent. The confusion of emotions that left us grieving, the feelings of being misunderstood that made us withdraw from the world. 

This is your opportunity to share your story. 

I'm a firm believer in the power of telling our stories (if only to each other, at least at first). Meetings of the pregnancy loss support group that dh & I used to facilitate would always begin by going around the room and having each person introduce themselves and tell us their story, what brought them to us. Sometimes (especially at first), the stories would be long, detailed and filled with tears. Over time, new details would emerge that we hadn't heard before. And we'd learn to develop a shortened "Reader's Digest" version of our story, which left more time for the longer stories (plus, over time, the "regulars" would all get to know each other and each others' stories pretty well, so it wasn't quite as necessary or important to go through all the details for the umpteenth time). 

Telling and retelling our stories to each other like this, week after week, in a supportive environment among others who had similar stories to tell, was good practice for handling those inevitable innocent questions and awkward encounters that all of us experience, sooner or later. In training sessions, we also learned that telling our stories, or some version of them -- over and over and over again -- helps us to process what happened. 

I think the same principles apply to our stories about our childlessness.  Our stories matter, because they're OURS, and because by telling them, we light the way for other childless women looking for support and comfort.  Our stories remind each other that we are not alone.  

This entire blog, of course, is my story :) (or at least parts of/a version of it) and it has evolved, along with my story, over the past 15 years.  A barebones, thumbnail version of my story can be found in the "About me" Blogger profile near the top of this page on the right-hand side (or in the link here). You can find a slightly longer version in the "About me" page (found just under the title/header of this blog). The "Timeline" page (link right beside the "About me" link) also gives you an idea of how my story unfolded and some of the significant dates & events. 

If you're really interested in all the gory details (and be forewarned, some of them ARE a bit gory, emotionally if not physically), I wrote a series of posts tagged "1998 memories" in which I relived my one doomed pregnancy, 10 years after the fact. I did the same thing with "The Treatment Diaries," all about our foray into infertility treatments, 10 years after we abandoned them and resigned ourselves to permanent childlessness. 

I also wrote a few posts shortly after I started this blog, where I told a condensed version of my story (up to that time): 

• Blogtivism: My Story (& how mandated coverage could have helped) (November 2007)
• How we made "the decision" (November 2007)

If you have some difficulty telling your story to others (and I know I have!) -- especially to parents who might not understand/appreciate the subtleties of involuntary childlessness -- take comfort in the words of Brene Brown -- who emphasizes the importance of telling our stories -- but also this:  

Our stories are not meant for everyone. Hearing them is a privilege, and we should always ask ourselves this before we share: "Who has earned the right to hear my story?" If we have one or two people in our lives who can sit with us and hold space for our shame stories, and love us for our strengths and struggles, we are incredibly lucky. If we have a friend, or small group of friends, or family who embraces our imperfections, vulnerabilities, and power, and fills us with a sense of belonging, we are incredibly lucky.

Check out today's content on the WCW site, including community members' contributions and a webinar that ran live earlier today: "Therapy as a Therapist," hosted by Stephanie Phillips, with Cristina Archetti, Katie Maynard, Jody Day and Meriel Whale. It was recorded and will be soon uploaded to the Day One page for anyone who missed it. 

World Childless Week, Day One: Our Stories

The fifth annual World Childless Week kicks off today!  and Day One is focused on the theme "Our Stories."  

No matter what anyone has said to you (including your own inner critic) your story is important. The dreams you had to become a parent: the struggles of trying to conceive, the sadness of not meeting a partner, the life choices and circumstances that restricted or denied your opportunities. The harsh reality of knowing you’d never be a parent; the anger, anguish, confusion and grief. 

These are the stories we need to share and yours are the words that need to be heard.

I'm a firm believer in the power of telling our stories (if only to each other, at least at first). Meetings of the pregnancy loss support group that dh & I used to facilitate would always begin by going around the room and having each person introduce themselves and tell us their story, what brought them to us. Sometimes (especially at first), the stories would be long, detailed and filled with tears. Over time, new details would emerge that we hadn't heard before. And we'd learn to develop a shortened "Reader's Digest" version of our story, which left more time for the longer stories (plus, over time, the "regulars" would all get to know each other and each others' stories pretty well, so it wasn't quite as necessary or important to go through all the details for the umpteenth time). 

Telling and retelling our stories to each other like this, week after week, in a supportive environment among others who had similar stories to tell, was good practice for handling those inevitable innocent questions and awkward encounters that all of us experience, sooner or later. In training sessions, we also learned that telling our stories, or some version of them -- over and over and over again -- helps us to process what happened. 

I think the same principles apply to our stories about our childlessness.  Our stories matter, because they're OURS, and because by telling them, we light the way for other childless women looking for support and comfort.  Our stories remind each other that we are not alone.  

This entire blog, of course, is my story :) (or at least parts of/a version of it) and it has evolved, along with my story, over the past 14 years.  A barebones, thumbnail version of my story can be found in the "About me" Blogger profile near the top of this page on the right-hand side (or in the link here). You can find a slightly longer version in the "About me" page (found just under the title/header of this blog). The "Timeline" page (link right beside the "About me" link) also gives you an idea of how my story unfolded and some of the significant dates & events. 

If you're really interested in all the gory details (and some of them ARE a bit gory, emotionally if not physically), I wrote a series of posts tagged "1998 memories" in which I relived my one doomed pregnancy, 10 years after the fact. I did the same thing with "The Treatment Diaries," all about our foray into infertility treatments, 10 years after we abandoned them and resigned ourselves to permanent childlessness. 

I also wrote a few posts shortly after I started this blog, where I told a condensed version of my story (up to that time): 

• Blogtivism: My Story (& how mandated coverage could have helped) (November 2007)
• How we made "the decision" (November 2007)

If you have some difficulty telling your story to others (and I know I have!) -- especially to parents who might not understand/appreciate the subtleties of involuntary childlessness -- take comfort in the words of Brene Brown -- who emphasizes the importance of telling our stories -- but also this:  

Our stories are not meant for everyone. Hearing them is a privilege, and we should always ask ourselves this before we share: "Who has earned the right to hear my story?" If we have one or two people in our lives who can sit with us and hold space for our shame stories, and love us for our strengths and struggles, we are incredibly lucky. If we have a friend, or small group of friends, or family who embraces our imperfections, vulnerabilities, and power, and fills us with a sense of belonging, we are incredibly lucky.

Check out today's content on the WCW site, including community members' contributions and two live webinars. The first, "Telling Our Stories: From Hurting to Healing" with childless therapists Sarah Roberts and Judy Graham, will likely have ended by the time most of you read this; but the second, "Releasing Our Grief Through the Power of Words," begins at 2 p.m. Eastern Time in North America.  Both webinars will be recorded and uploaded to the Day One page for anyone who cannot make the live event.

My blog is a teenager :)

(Taking my cue from Lori's "Not So Unlucky 13" post, back in May!)  :)  

October 31, 2007: 

• I was 46 years old, married for 22 years. 
• I was in my 21st year of working in the corporate communications department of one of Canada's major banks. (Dh worked for the same bank too.)  
• We spent 2+ hours (round trip) commuting (by car & commuter train, door to door to door) to and from work ever day. 
• October 31st was year-end for my company, with results reported in late November/early December. My department was in charge of all non-financial aspects of the annual report, and October through late January was generally the busiest and most stressful time of the year for us. 
• We had been living in a smallish three-bedroom house with a big back yard in a pleasant suburb near Toronto for 17 years. We thought we would be there for a few years & then move up to something larger as our family expanded...  
• Our two nephews were 19 & 15 years old. 
• It was 9 years after the stillbirth of our daughter, Katie, and 6 years since our last fertility treatment. The 10-year "anniversary" of her loss was looming large in my mind, and I found myself thinking a lot about her and what had happened. 
• We'd been facilitating the local chapter of a pregnancy loss support group for 7 years, after spending more than a year there as clients ourselves. 
• I'd been posting & lurking on several online forums for pregnancy loss, infertility and even a (very) few that I'd found for childless-not-by-choice women. And I'd recently discovered blogs -- including Stirrup Queens and Coming2Terms. I was intrigued, and posted a few tentative comments.
• On Halloween night, I held my breath & hit "publish" on my own very first blog post. 

October 31, 2020:   

• I will be 60 on my next birthday (!) and we celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary this past summer. 
• I was "reorganized" out of my job in July 2014 (at age 53) and took early retirement when my severance ran out. Dh lost his job in April 2013 and did the same. An earlier-than-expected retirement for both of us, but we have not regretted it!  
• Four years ago, we sold our house of unfulfilled dreams, downsized our belongings and moved into a condo in another suburb on the other side of the city, closer to dh's brother and his family. 
• Our two nephews are grown up (ages 31 & 28) and married to two lovely young women. One has a son of his own, who will turn one year old, a few weeks from now. :) We love being an aunt & uncle (and now a great-aunt & great-uncle!)!  (It's NOT a substitute for parenting -- but still pretty cool on its own terms...!) 
• Katie would be 22 years old (!). I still think of her every day. (And we still visit her at the cemetery every time we are back in our old neighbourhood.)
• We stopped facilitating the pregnancy loss support group in late 2009, but remain in touch with many of the friends we made there. I am still active in several online forums for childless-not-by-choice women. 
• We're currently living in the middle of a global pandemic that has restricted our ability to travel and limited the time we've been able to spend with family & friends (including my aging parents). :(  It's a good thing we love our condo because we've spent a lot of time here over the past 8 months...! 
• And... I'm still here, still blogging! And still very grateful for all that blogging has brought to my life these past 13 years. :) 

I don't want to think too much about what might happen over the next 13 years... (for one thing, I will be... HOW OLD??!!). If the past 13 to 22 years has taught me anything, it's that life is unpredictable and we can never know what the future has in store for us, both for better and not-so-good. 

But I will never regret hitting "post" that October night, 13 years ago!  :)  

Things I’ve learned (so far) while self-isolating

(Borrowing this idea and ideas for a few of the items from a FB friend/former coworker.)  ;)

• Daytime TV is a wasteland. (OK, most TV generally... but daytime TV in particular.) 
• I really can watch too much TV news (my girl crush on CNN's Brooke Baldwin notwithstanding...)(and she's been out with COVID the past few weeks too!). 
• We have 72 rolls of toilet paper in stock (mostly double & triple rolls), which dh estimates will last us into summer. 
• From a meme I saw, which is totally true:  I thought I would get lots of stuff done when I had more time. I've now discovered that lack of time wasn't the problem. ;) 
• I reeeeaaaaally don't like it when my hair starts hanging in my eyes, and I really do need a trim every six weeks...!! (sigh...)
• It's possible for me not to leave the house for weeks on end.  
• That said -- I really do need to get out of the house more... 
• Cultivating all these online friends over the past 22 years has really paid off big time over the past few weeks. ;)  
• That said -- it's possible to be online too much...! & I miss real-life contact with other people. 
• I may be a boomer, but I am more tech-savvy than I thought. 
• In a lot of ways, quarantine/self-isolation really isn't a whole lot different than my usual childless, retired life. (Yikes!!)  

What have you learned? 

#MicroblogMondays: While I'm alive...

(Mel recently asked us what we want to do before we die/while we're alive. I thought my answer might make a good microblog post. ;)  Slightly edited -- and bullet-pointed, of course. ;)   )

• I want to travel more, with England/Scotland/Ireland, Scandinavia, Italy and other parts of Europe at the top of my list, as well as PEI & Newfoundland, in my own country. 
• I want to take dh to New York City (and I REALLY want him to like it, so he’ll go back with me, again & again ;) ). 
• I want him to take me on a surprise trip, ANYWHERE, even just for the weekend. (I’ve always loved the commercial where the wife is dropping her husband off at the airport -- & he holds up two airplane tickets. ;) ) 
• I want to put together my family tree research into some semblance of a book & publish it for my relatives -- and I want at least a few of them to care and be excited about it. 
• I want to meet more of my blogging & other online friends in real life. 
• I want to see a woman president of the United States (frankly, I thought I’d see one before I ever saw a black man elected to the post…!) and another female prime minister of Canada (who gets to stay in office longer than three months). 
• I (REALLY) want to see the Donald Trumps & Doug Fords of the world get their just desserts :p and for some semblance of sanity and decency to be restored to public life. 

I could ramble on, but I guess that’s as good a place as any to end. Am I asking for too much??

What would be on your list?

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

What helped? What didn't?

Mali recently wrote about the personality traits that helped her heal after infertility -- and those that didn't help. She invited us to make own lists (Infertile Phoenix did too). Here's mine:  ;)

What helped me heal:

• (As I told Mali in the comments section of her post:) I certainly believe that being a feminist helped me, in that I strongly believed, long before I had to deal with stillbirth & infertility, that I was more than my uterus, and that I did not NEED to be a mother to have a fulfilling life. I certainly wanted and expected to be a mother & I was devastated when that didn't work out -- but it was not the only thing that I based my identity or self-worth on, or the only thing I knew I wanted to do with my life.
• Like Mali & Phoenix, I am pragmatic/practical. I'm also a bit of a skeptic/contrarian. Mali & I grew up in a similar timeframe ;)  (the 1960s/70s), when many of society's messages and structures were being questioned -- especially for women. While I'm very traditional in some ways, and I did want (& expect) marriage & a family for myself, I chafed at the expectation/assumption that I would conform to a traditional woman's life path. The more certain adults questioned why my father would "waste money" sending me to university (because I was just going to get married & have babies, right?), dropped huge hints about pregnancy before the ink on my marriage license was barely dry, etc. -- the more I dug in my heels & resisted conforming to their expectations...!  
• Like Mali, I was older when I began ttc and went through pregnancy, stillbirth and infertility. When you reach your late 30s/early 40s, you begin to learn about (& begin to learn to accept) life's limitations (if you haven't already). At that age, I knew (at least on one level) that, statistics being what they are, getting pregnant might not be an easy thing. (Realizing that I WAS a statistic, though, was a lot harder to accept...!)
• We were pretty realistic about the obstacles we faced when we began infertility treatments -- our ages (the statistics were definitely not on our side), our track record to date (not good), our finite financial resources -- and we set a limit before we began infertility treatments (although we gave ourselves permission to re-evaluate). In the end, we decided we'd had enough.  We didn't do IVF -- but we did enough, and learned enough about the further obstacles we faced (low sperm counts, wonky ovulation, a bicornuate uterus) to feel that, all things considered, we gave it a good shot, but the odds just weren't on our side. We cut our losses before the financial, physical, mental and emotional costs became even higher than they already were. 
• Like Mali & Phoenix, I found/find it difficult to believe that "everything happens for a reason" -- although I know that's something that others find comforting.  I have a well-developed sense of cynicism and black humour (although I suppose some people might not think that was a good thing...!). 
• I moved around a lot growing up, which meant that (a) I was often the outsider & (b) I learned to navigate through and adapt to unfamiliar places and situations. I came to believe I was capable of handling whatever life threw at me (even if I didn't always like it...!). I always wound up surviving in the end (and sometimes even thriving).  I also developed a strong internal life that sustained me. 
• While I found/find it difficult to let family members & friends know the truth about what we were going through, I was able to seek & find support outside those circles, both from professionals and from others who were going through similar situations, both "in real life" and online. 
• When I'm facing a new situation or problem or interest, I tend to research the hell out of it -- obsessively. I read books, magazine articles, websites & online forums, and ask questions. I did this during my pregnancy and in its sad aftermath, before & during infertility treatment, and in making the transition to involuntary childlessness. I think it helped me feel more in control and (on the flipside) better able to cope when things didn't go well. (I expected others to be similarly well informed on these subjects -- and I was sometimes shocked by how little some of the couples we met in the clinic waiting rooms & at our pregnancy loss support group meetings seemed to know.)   
• My dh & I have a close relationship and I think that ultimately carried us through. Loss & infertility can certainly drive some couples apart, but I think it only brought us closer together. As I have often said before, we knew we could have a good life together, just the two of us -- because we already did!  I like to believe that, even if we'd had kids, we would have made time for each other & put our marriage at the centre of our family. I have seen several marriages around me crumble because the kids always dominated everything, and the marriage itself was neglected. 
• When we finally accepted that parenthood was not in the cards for us, we were able to embrace some of the positives of a childless/free life and envision what that future could look like: early retirement (although it happened a little earlier than we had planned...!); closer relationships with our nephews, including financial support for their educations; indulging our love of books, eating out on weekends, etc.;  buying that bigger and fancier car, even though we didn't really need one;  and travel (although we haven't done as much of it yet as we'd like). 

What didn't help: 

• Like Mali, I don’t like failing.  I was not/am not used to failure. With very few exceptions, I succeeded with the other life goals that I set for myself.  Academic success at school came relatively easy for me, I did well at my job, I found a good man to share my life with. I knew that if I applied myself & did the "right" things, I would be rewarded -- and for the most part, I was. Pregnancy loss & infertility were a huge blow in that respect. 
• Like Mali & Phoenix, I don't like the feeling that I'm missing out -- particularly when it's an experience that comes to so many others so easily (and that's often taken for granted). 
• I have a strong sense of guilt. The feeling that I've let others down by failing to reproduce -- particularly my parents, who would have been fabulous grandparents (and since my sister is childfree by choice, I was their one shot at it)-- is (still) hard to cope with. 
• I am an introvert, and I tend to be very private -- I find it difficult to tell most people what I am really thinking and feeling (obviously not on this blog!! lol). I was tight-lipped about our plans for ttc right from the start of our marriage, and few people outside of our immediate family (and my bosses at work) knew when things started to go wrong with our pregnancy. We did not tell anyone when we began infertility treatment. (It was difficult enough hanging on the results of every cycle and dealing withe disappointment, let alone dealing with the curiosity and disappointment of others.)  Not telling people about what we were going through had its advantages (e.g., spared us a lot of dumb questions & assvice from people who really had no clue about what we were going through) -- but it was a heavy burden to carry alone, and without support. It also sheltered those around us from the pain of what we were going through, Blissfully unaware, they sometimes said & did things that wounded us both (although -- as many of you know...! --  it's certainly possible that knowing the truth might not have made a difference there anyway...!).   
• I tend to soldier on through difficult, stressful and painful situations, to downplay my own feelings of sadness and discomfort, far more and far longer than I probably need to. Far too often, I have said yes when I probably should have said (and definitely wanted to say) no. (I went to a baby shower on the weekend of my milestone 40th birthday while going through infertility treatment, for crying out loud...!) 
• I like to THINK that I don't care what other people think -- but I do. :(  
• Moving around a lot when I was growing up may have had its advantages (see above), but it also had its drawbacks. I learned from a fairly early age that being a perpetual outsider sucks. I tend to be introverted, and the older I got, the harder it got to make friends & break into established social circles -- and develop support networks. Most of us women grow up expecting, ASSUMING that we will join the mommy club, I am human;  I want to be liked, and accepted, and to blend in, to be like everyone else. I want to be "normal." I crave approval and affirmation from others. (I think of the time in elementary school when, chafing against my image among my classmates as a goody-two-shoes and teacher's pet, I deliberately didn't turn in an assignment. My teacher was shocked, but grimly gave me detention, along with several other laggards. I was secretly gleeful at first -- but detention was boring, I was no more popular than before, and my strong sense of guilt kicked in.  I quickly realized it had been a dumb idea and abandoned that strategy -- thank goodness, lol.)  

Right now...

Reading:  "Listening Valley," another recently reissued novel by D.E. Stevenson. (Review to come, eventually.) Recently acquired (& now in the to-read pile): "Once in a Great City" by David Maraniss.

Watching: Most recent movie seen: "The Big Short" (last weekend), which was both funny and horrifying at the same time. And I actually started watching "Downton Abbey" last weekend -- the start of the final season. For some reason, people seem to assume that I have been watching it all along -- and gasp in horror whenever I tell them that no, I haven't.  I've seen bits of different episodes, but never consciously watched one in its entirety (until now). (And yet, thanks to social media, I could still tell you the names of most of the characters as well as the various main plotlines. Go figure.)

Please tell me that I'm not the only holdout. ;) 

Listening: This past week, I was telling a distant cousin in Scotland about Blue Rodeo, one of Canada's most beloved bands, and sent him a couple of video links. Here's one of my favourites. You're welcome. ;)

This afternoon, I also very much enjoyed listening to a thoughtful CBC Radio documentary/podcast about women turning 39/facing 40. Most of the women featured here are single & childless -- but there's still a LOT here that most of us who have reached (or passed) this stage in our lives can relate to. Here's the link.  It's about 25 minutes long.

Following:  My online book group's discussion of "Listening Valley" (just getting started).

Drinking: A nice mid-afternoon cup of tea -- my favourite. :) 

Eating:  The last of my Christmas toffee.  My sister's best friend since junior high days is a great cook & baker, and she makes toffee that is EXACTLY like the kind our grandmother made for us every year at Christmastime. And so, every year at Christmastime, P. makes a batch of toffee and gives a generous portion to my sister -- which she, in turn, shares with me. :)  I've often said she & I don't have a "Hallmark" sort of relationship -- but it does give me a warm fuzzy feeling that she does this. ;)   

Anticipating: A certain sort-of milestone birthday, divisible by 5, coming up shortly.

Contemplating:  Past mistakes. Trying not to dwell on them or beat myself up over them, particularly since most of them don't matter anymore anyway (if they ever did).  

Loving:  Having a little "me alone" time, while dh spends some time this afternoon with his dad.  

#MicroblogMondays: It's a date :)

A couple of weeks ago, after our semi-annual dental cleanings & checkups in the city (no cavities, yay!!), dh & I made a side trip to an exclusive little stationery shop in a ritzy shopping neighbourhood. Not a place where I habitually go to shop, but then, there aren't a whole lot of places around anymore where I can find a calendar insert for my Filofax for the upcoming new year. There used to be several such shops in the financial district where we both used to work, but most of these have gradually closed over the past few years, no doubt a casualty of the growing shift from paper to digital recordkeeping.

Yes, I still use a paper calendar. I've used Filofax (Week on Two Pages) for something like 25 years now. Originally, I used a cheap vinyl DayRunner organizer with a Filofax calendar insert -- but a couple of years ago, after wearing out two of those, I splurged and, for my birthday, bought myself a lovely black leather Filofax Personal organizer (bonus: it was on sale!). Besides the calendar/datebook, it also includes my address book, business cards for our various doctors and other service people, to-do lists, a vinyl envelope containing postage stamps and address labels, a solar-powered calculator the size of a credit card, train schedule, etc. -- and, in case of an emergency, a $5 bill tucked away, lol. (It's been awhile since I put it there -- maybe I should make it $10 or $20 -- inflation!)  Some people go nuts if they lose their cellphones;  for me, if I lost my Filofax, I would be up the proverbial creek without a paddle.

I love filling in a blank calendar for a new year with fixed stuff like birthdays, appointments I've already made, paydays (& then wait for the inevitable bills to arrive & fill those in too, lol).  Birthdays & anniversaries go in red, important stuff like bills to be paid go in black (& when they're paid, they're ticked off in green with the amount paid written beside). Regular appointments are written in blue (and sometimes highlighted with yellow highlighter). The datebook also serves as a bit of a diary:  I make notes about the day's weather in purple, mail sent and received in turquoise, notable phone calls made & received in brown... I use lots of post-it notes too, for little to-do reminders, etc. 

At the end of the year, the old insert gets binder-clipped together and stored in a desk drawer along with the others from years past. I have all my datebooks and wall calendars going back to the early 1970s;  it's great to have them at my fingertips and be able to check what happened when and what I was doing xx years ago on this very day. For example, thanks to an old datebook I found & brought home from my mother's house this past summer, I was able to pinpoint the exact date of the dorm party where I first remember meeting and talking to dh, 34 years ago. :)

I suppose I could have just ordered my calendar insert online (& I may eventually have to, if fine stationery shops keep going the way of the dodo bird...), but it was fun to make the trip and be around all that lovely paper and fine fountain pens. It was just after Remembrance Day, and Christmas decorations were starting to go up;  it was a great way to kick off the holiday season. :)

What kind of a calendar/datebook system do you use?

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.   

Right now...

Sharah recently did a list on her blog, "Right now," that I've been wanting to do here for awhile now. Similar lists that I've long enjoyed are "The Present Participle" by scrapbooking blogger Cathy Zielske (the verbs she uses vary from month to month -- November's list is here) and the "Download" column in the Sunday New York Times Review section (the standard categories are Reading, Watching, Listening and Following, plus a couple others that seem to be specifically tailored to the person featured).

So here's sort of a mishmash/combination/my version... if I remember, I'll resurrect this now & then. ;) 

Reading:  "Rosemary: The Hidden Kennedy Daughter" by Kate Clifford Larson. Review to come. Also in my to-read pile (among other volumes): the latest memoirs by Elvis Costello, Patti Smith and Gloria Steinem.  Plus, of course, the inevitable magazines & newspapers. ;)

Watching: This afternoon: "Spotlight," a movie that's getting rave reviews & Oscar buzz.  Tonight: Grey Cup, the one & only football game I feel compelled to watch every year -- Ottawa Redblacks vs Edmonton Eskimos (who last met for the championship in 1981). Bonus: this year, it's being played at the new(ish) stadium built on the campus of my alma mater in my home province. :) 

Listening: I haven't listened to it yet, but I picked up Adele's new CD on Black Friday. :) One of the local FM radio stations has switched to an all-Christmas music format, and we've been listening to that in the car a lot, in addition to our usual classic rock station. :)

Following: The progress of Bill 141 through the Ontario legislature. Third Reading debate has been set for Monday, Dec 7th, and a final vote is scheduled for Dec 8th. If you are a bereaved parent living in Ontario, please call or email your local MPP to express your support. There is a Facebook page where you can follow the bill's progress along with me. :)

Drinking: I just realized I have not yet treated myself to a Starbucks Christmas drink!! Must remedy that shortly!  ;)

Eating:  Popcorn for lunch at the movies this afternoon. ;) 

Anticipating: A busy three weeks ahead (yikes!!) until we head home to visit my parents for Christmas. 

Contemplating: What happened to October & November and how did we get here, with Dec. 1st just two days away and Christmas less than four weeks off??! 

Loving: Seeing the sunshine flooding into my living room.  Makes November feel less Novemberish. ;)  

The Current

Going through some old posts, found this meme, originally done in July 2012, and inspired by a similar post at By the Brooke. Time for a refresh! ;)

Current Book(s) -- I have several books in my pile right now that are partially read. I started reading "Selfish, Shallow and Self-Absorbed" a while back -- a collection of essays edited by Meagan Daum about childlessness -- before I got distracted with something else. As a collection of essays, it's easy to dip in & out of.

Then a couple of weeks ago, we saw "Ricki & the Flash," starring Meryl Streep as an aging rock star (!!)(as I said to dh, "Is there anything that woman can't do??")  -- and someone I hadn't thought about in eons, playing her guitarist/love interest -- Rick Springfield (AKA Dr. Noah Drake of "General Hospital" and singer of "Jessie's Girl" and other '80s power pop gems). I remembered I had his memoir "Late Late at Night" in my "unread" collection & brought it up from the basement.

I got a few chapters into that (the verdict so far: self-indulgent, but rather amusing -- interesting childhood) -- and then we visited the bookstore the same day that Chrissie Hynde's memoir, "Reckless," went on sale (and at 40% off to boot). I loved the Pretenders, back in the day. So I put down Rick & picked up Chrissie. (So far, not much sex, but lots of drugs and lots of rock & roll.) 

(And then I saw a feature about Duran Duran on CBS Sunday Morning -- which reminded me that I have John Taylor's memoir "In the Pleasure Groove" also waiting for me, unread... too many books, too little time, lol...)

If/when I finally finish any of these, I'll provide full reviews. ;) 

Current Playlist -- I (still) don't have an iPod or the like for digital music, but I do sometimes listen to CDs on the stereo while I'm cleaning house or when dh is out. My most recent CD purchase was a greatest hits collection by the 1960s band Paul Revere & the Raiders (Kicks, Just Like Me). Their schtick was that they performed wearing Revolutionary War-era costumes -- tricorn hats, knee-length breeches & boots and waistcoats. (They actually recorded "Louie Louie" around the same time as the Kingsmen, but the other version was the one that most people remember.) Paul recently passed away, which renewed my interest in the group -- I had a greatest hits collection on cassette, but that was among the stuff I gave to Oldest Nephew earlier this summer.

We listen to the local rock station on the radio in the car, which mostly plays classic rock but also some new(er) stuff. I am kind of enjoying hearing some new(er) bands, so long as it's rock & roll.  A lot of what passes for music these days simply does not interest me. :p  (My teenaged self could never have imagined saying that... of course, my teenaged self probably could never have imagined rap or hiphop either, lol.) 

Current Shame-Inducing Guilty Pleasure -- Didn't I just say I was reading Rick Springfield's memoir?? ;) 

Current Color -- No particular one, but I have been wearing a bit of purple lately. : ) I find I tend to look best in "jewel" tones.

Current Drink -- Starbucks tea lattes (tall non-fat Royal English Breakfast).

Current Food -- I've been eating a lot of fish & chips lately, when we eat out. Generally a safe choice when you're trying to avoid tomatos. ;)

Current Favorite Show -- "Who Do You Think You Are?"  (which just concluded another season here in North America).  Formulaic in how it unfolds, but some really interesting stories uncovered. It's every genealogist's dream to walk into an archive & have an expert hand over a folder of documents (pre-translated!) and answer all your questions.

Current Wishlist -- A magic wand to wave that will magically complete all the little projects & repairs that need doing around the house...!  I also have book wishlists with both Chapters/Indigo and Amazon.

Current Needs -- As I've blogged before, I am in desperate need of a new mattress set & bed linens, but trying to hold out until Aunt Flo finally bows out for good. At the rate she is hanging around, though, I may have to cave sooner vs later...!

Current Triumphs -- Some good genealogical finds lately. : )

Current Bane of my Existence -- The neighbours two doors down, whose yard is rarely mowed and and looks like a junkyard to boot. It looks like they may (finally??!) be doing some work inside the house, but outside?  Among the items cluttering their front porch and resting along (both) sides of the garage: several garbage bags (many, many garbage days have come & gone since these made an appearance, but, nevermind...), several sheets of drywall, rolls of torn-up carpet, an old barbecue (complete with rusted propane tank), a television set (presumably not working, but who knows), assorted empty beer bottles...  (Not just one but TWO seldom-used lawn mowers sat outside in the snow all through last winter. Also, the window in one car was broken and left open through several winter months as well, with snow drifting in (and God knows what else). )  There is obviously no room in the garage to park the car or store any of this stuff, & the door is hanging halfway off its hinges, does not close properly. No doubt animals have taken up residence inside. :p

People have complained to the city in the past (and we may yet do so) -- they will sometimes make a half-hearted attempt to clean things up but within a few months it's back to the same old same old. :p  I will admit our house is no showplace, but at least we keep the lawn mowed and neat looking.  They make the whole neighbourhood look run down.  

On the bright side, the eavestrough that came loose in about March -- 2014, not 2015 (I kid you not), and spent more than a year precariously resting, diagonally, on top of the garage roof -- was finally restored to its proper place recently.

Current Celebrity Crush -- Aidan Turner, AKA Ross Poldark. Yum!! ;)  I see (via social media) that filming on the second season of "Poldark" recently began.

Current Indulgence -- Haagen Dasz ice cream bars. 

Current #1 Blessing -- Being able to sleep in every morning. :) 

Current Slang or Saying --  Hmmm, not sure I have one.

Current Outfit -- A pair of Gap "boyfriend" shorts in a sort of golden brown colour, and a black ribbed American Eagle tank top.

Current Excitement -- Just a little over one year to Oldest Nephew's wedding (eeeeekkkkkkk.....!!!)!!!

Current Mood -- Slightly melancholy. Summer is almost gone & while I like fall, it means that winter is once again just around the corner...

Favourite things

Mel occasionally posts about her favourite things, and asks us to post about ours. As I was commenting on her recent post, one thought led to another & I realized I'd be better off doing my own blog post instead of writing a gargantuan comment. :) So here are a few of my favourite things at the moment:

• Olive Oil & Sea Salt Mini-Crisps, made by a local bakery, but I'm sure you could find something comparable wherever you live. They have different flavours, and you can serve them with dips and spreads like any fancy cracker, but dh & I prefer this flavour, straight out of the resealable bag. We just discovered these last week, and we are already addicted.  
• Entertainment Weekly magazine: This is actually a long-time, ongoing favourite of mine. Dh has asked me if I could only subscribe to one magazine, what would it be? And this would be my answer. It's a spinoff of People magazine, but it's less about showbiz personalities and gossip than the entertainment business itself -- what's new and notable, and critics' recommendations on must-see movies, books and television, etc. But I've never actually subscribed -- when I was working, the newsstand downstairs would receive its weekly shipment of new magazines on Thursday mornings, and I would head downstairs at lunchtime to pick up my copy, and then enjoy it on the train ride home that night. I still have my copy of the very first issue from 1990, and I still pick up a new copy every week (usually on Saturday nights now, at our favourite megabookstore -- these things take a little longer to get to Suburbia, lol).
• Lucky Brand:  I discovered Lucky Brand clothing at Macy's in New York City when I was there in October 2013. I bought two long-sleeved rib-knit Henley T-shirts there that were so cute & comfortable, I wished I'd bought a few more. I did an Internet search & was happy to learn they had some stores in Canada, including one at the Eaton Centre close to where I worked in downtown Toronto. It's pricey stuff (and even pricier in Canada than on the U.S.-based website) -- but I love the fabrics & styles, and while some of the styles are perhaps a little "young" for a 50-something lady like me :p I have found & bought some cute tops that don't look too bad on me ;) as well as some great jewelry. (Their jewelry can also be found at some Hudson's Bay stores.)(Haven't tried their jeans.) I generally watch for sales -- there's usually a sale rack at the back of the store, as well as regular promotions. My latest purchase, originally $49.50 ($39.99 US on the website), was $39.99 on the sale rack, and then marked down a further 50%. So, including taxes, I wound up paying a much more reasonable $22.59. Their website has a much broader selection than their store (at least the store that I've been to) -- and they do ship to Canada -- but the prices are in U.S. dollars, so if you're in Canada, you will wind up paying exchange, as well as shipping & duty, which could add up. Caveat emptor.
• Columbia sports sandals:  The photo in the link shows a pair similar to ones I bought a few years ago. They were so incredibly comfortable, I bought a couple more pairs in different colours. I can walk in these for a long time. Pricey, but worth it!   
• Moxies:  I've been to Moxies with my parents in Manitoba several times -- it's been in Winnipeg for years -- but the chain is gradually expanding eastward, and recently opened a location near where I live. And (knocking wood) so far, so good: we've enjoyed every meal we've had there to date:  the food has been good & the service has been excellent.  Perhaps slightly more expensive than some of the other restaurants around here, but then, you get what you pay for. ;)
• Body Shop Pink Grapefruit Shower Gel:  I've always been a bar soap user, all my life (and dh still is) -- but as part of my decluttering project, I've been trying to use up some of the skin care & beauty product miniatures that have piled up in recent years from freebie samples, gifts with purchase, etc.  I'd received a couple of gift bags from the Body Shop through office Secret Santa exchanges, etc., and one of them included a mini bottle of this shower gel, along with a shower puff.  I tried it & found I liked it -- enough to buy myself a bottle once the mini was used up. My mother made the switch to body washes long ago & swore it left much less soap scum on the tub & tiles, making cleaning that much easier. As usual, Mom was right. ;)  The citrus scent is a nice wakeup and perfect for summertime.

How about you? Any good finds lately?

#MicroblogMondays: Good to the last drop :)

I'm not exactly sure how or when I became a tea drinker, vs a coffee drinker. Perhaps it was the influence of my mom.  Although she came from a long line of Scandinavian coffee aficionados in one of the most Scandinavian communities in Minnesota (there was always, always a pot of Folgers percolating on the stove in my grandmother's kitchen -- I actually like the smell of coffee brewing, because it takes me right back there), she preferred tea (perhaps her Irish/Scottish genes?), and still does. She claims she lost her taste for coffee after her second pregnancy with my sister. (Back then, of course, caffeine was not verboten for pregnant women, along with cigarettes, wine...!)  She would sometimes make me weak tea when I was a kid and feeling sick.

I can remember going out for "coffee" with some of my friends in high school, but it wasn't like it is today, with a Starbucks or Tim Horton's on every street corner. We'd drive to the restaurant adjoining the local Co-op store or the gas station out on the highway, but we'd be just as likely to order a Coke as a cup of joe. 

Perhaps it was the influence of my first year university roommate. who would brew different flavours of loose-leaf tea for us in a teapot. For years and years, we gave each other tea-related gifts for birthdays and Christmas -- teapots, teacups, trivets, Christmas tree ornaments, books, boxes of tea... 

When I first met dh's Italian family and had dinner with them, I was offered a tiny cup of espresso coffee along with my dessert -- something totally foreign to this Irish-Swedish-American/Ukrainian-Canadian girl from the Prairies. I accepted to be polite, took a sip -- and then almost choked -- it was so strong.  Most of his relatives didn't even have tea in the house;  if they did, it was often chamomile, used only in the event of a stomach ache. Some of them started buying a small box of teabags, specifically for when I visited. :) 

Eventually, a few cousins on his dad's side married "English" (i.e., non-Italian) girls who also preferred tea. We'd sit together at wedding & baby showers and have fun watching the waiters' reactions when we asked for tea instead of coffee, then took bets on how it would be served and whether the water would be hot. (I give points to any restaurant that serves tea in china pots versus those awful metal things that inevitably leak all over the place as you're trying to pour.)

(I finally tried a latte at a coffee house in Seattle that my cousin took us to when we visited there in 1993 -- appropriately -- when in Rome, etc. etc. -- and that was more to my taste.  I will have one of those now & then at Starbucks.)

(I find that I have to remember to specify "hot tea" when I'm in the States;  otherwise, I'm liable to be handed a glass of iced tea, and it will be anyone's guess as to whether it will be sweetened...)

When I started working as a small-town newspaper reporter, I found a kindred spirit in a fellow reporter at the local radio station who also preferred tea. Invariably, most of the town council and school board meetings and other events we covered only offered coffee as refreshment -- with Coffeemate instead of milk or cream on the side. Yuck. I'd sometimes drink it if I was desperate (or trying to stay awake, lol), but I disliked the lingering taste.  We joked about starting a "Tea drinkers have rights too" movement.

When I started working in downtown Toronto, I got into the habit of stopping to buy a tea as I headed into the office (usually at the Second Cup) -- and then heading down to the food court in the concourse on my breaks to refuel.  Some days I felt like I was living from one coffee break to the next (I had two 15-minute breaks per day, morning and afternoon, as well as a lunch hour). Yes, I could have made my own tea in the office kitchenette for much less money, but getting away from the office, if only briefly, was probably as important as the tea itself, if not more so. 

My coworker/office best friend & I would usually take our breaks together, especially in the morning. It got so that I would turn up at her cubicle, wallet in hand, just as she was reaching into her drawer for hers (or vice-versa). "Cuppa?" I remember asking her once. "Yuppa!" she responded, and both had a good laugh. We always talked about skipping out of work early someday and going to the nearby King Edward or Royal York hotels for their formal afternoon tea (with scones, little sandwiches and other goodies), but of course, time flew by and we never did... until the week before she retired. As my retirement present to her, I got permission from our boss for both of us to leave work early, and we headed over to the Royal York for the royal treatment, which we both enjoyed thoroughly. :)  (I've also enjoyed afternoon tea in some other lovely settings -- including the Chateau Lake Louise in Alberta with dh on our honeymoon, the Empress in Victoria, B.C., with a high school girlfriend, and the King Edward in Toronto with my mother. Pricey, but a wonderful occasional treat.) 

Now that I'm retired/unemployed, I enjoy starting my day with a leisurely cuppa after breakfast, as I peruse the morning paper and e-mails. I'll usually have another cup mid-afternoon. Sometimes dh & I will head to the local Tim Hortons just to get out of the house, and no visit to our local mega-bookstore would be complete with a stop at the adjacent Starbucks first (where my standard order is a tall non-fat English breakfast tea latte).  When I was younger, I enjoyed trying different flavours of tea;  these days, I prefer to stick to plain old black tea -- orange pekoe, English breakfast or perhaps Darjeeling. Served with sugar and lots of milk, please and thank you.

Are you a tea or coffee person? What's your usual order?

(I guess this wasn't quite a "micro" post -- but at least it's a post...!)

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.        

Around my house

 

(as inspired by Brooke)

In my fridge you'll always find:

Milk (1%), yogurt (various fruit flavours), baby carrots, and a Brita pitcher with water chilling  
 

Favorite family recipe:

My mother makes a snack that involves a butter & brown sugar, melted together & poured over a cookie sheet lined with graham crackers, topped with nuts (chopped walnuts or slivered almonds) and baked for a few minutes. It's so simple but people just go ga-ga over it;  they disappear very quickly. The recipe came from my grandmother's neighbour and has been around almost as long as I have. I've seen a variation on this recipe that includes a layer of chocolate too. :)
 

Favorite junk food:

Popcorn or potato chips  
 

I'll do anything to avoid:

Mopping the floors. I even bought one of those electric steam mops after a friend raved about hers, thinking it might be incentive to do the floors more often. Ummm, nope. :p  
 

My secret cleaning weapon is:

Vinegar and baking soda -- one or the other works on just about everything. Also, I love my Swiffer duster. :)
 

Before company arrives, I hide:

The pile of books and magazines sitting beside the loveseat where I sit. And close the door to the front room/office, where I have piles of scrapbooking supplies (sadly unused for some time now...).
 

I love to shop for:

Jewelry, makeup & skincare products (although I don't wear much makeup these days!). The day I walked into my first Sephora, I thought I'd died & gone to heaven. ;) And, while there was a time I never thought I'd write this, I love shopping for cute outfits for the two little Princesses.
 

I hate to shop for:

Bras (which is why I put off doing it for so long... I finally got some new ones last summer. I won't tell you how old the old ones were...!).
 

Bad habit:

Procrastination
 

I just learned:

I have a fourth cousin who is married to a famous Canadian author, and another fourth cousin who is a Canadian country singer. :)  Never knew they existed until this week and they wouldn't know me either, but it's stuff like this that makes genealogy fun. :)
 

Stuff I can't live without:

Chocolate, a supply of mints in my purse, my Filofax, yoga pants (and did I mention chocolate?).
 

Weird housekeeping compulsion:

I finish off each housecleaning session by taking a Lysol wipe & using it on all the light switches, door knobs, computer mice & keyboards, and remote controls in the house. I've been doing this for a couple of years now, I think since the big avian flu scare about five years ago, and I've noticed that both of us have been sick a lot less. 
 

On bed making:

I remember Mel polled her readers awhile back about whether they make the bed every day. I have to admit I was SHOCKED by how many people said they do not make their beds daily. I mean, I know some people don't (my sister, for one, probably hasn't made a bed since she left home, lol), but I was honestly surprised just how many people admitted to it. Dh & I always made our bed in the morning right after breakfast, before we got dressed & headed out for work -- and while we're not heading out to work anymore, we still make the bed in the morning. The house just looks neater, and as Brooke noted, it's just so nice to pull back the sheets and climb into a neatly made bed at night.
 

Personal motto/mantra:

Life is what happens while you're making other plans. (John Lennon)
 

I wish I could tell my younger self:

Lighten up a little.  :)
 

What's always in your fridge? What advice would you give your younger self? Spill it.