Odds & ends (including a World Childless Week webinar!)

I've been struggling a bit lately, with writing more regularly in this blog -- and with other parts of my life too. It feels like there are a gazillion things demanding my attention, and all I want to do is bury my nose in a book (Kobo reader?) or my phone and scroll mindlessly. I bounce from one thing to another and accomplish nothing, and fret over the dumbest little things. Frankly, I think I might be a little depressed -- and I guess it's not surprising, given the events and stresses and losses around me this past year(s/) -- both personal and in the broader world. 

Writing IS (always has been) a comfort and an outlet, though, and I have been collecting more odds & ends to share with you here (albeit there are a lot I meant to flag that have slipped through my fingers). Here are a few things I've been noticing and thinking about lately:   

• Latest annoying/anxiety-inducing thing:  Our GE Profile dishwasher (original to the condo, so likely about 12 years old) is leaking water from the bottom. :(  We've stopped using it (washing dishes by hand), and even turned off the valve to shut off the water to it, but it's still getting wet under there. 
• I've been sliding rags or sheets of paper towel underneath to catch and mop up the drips, and swapping them out for dry ones every few hours. 
• Beyond the leak, the springs on both sides of the door have snapped in recent years -- meaning we can't just open the door and let it drop (because it DROPS!) -- we have to either hold it or balance it against a hip and load/unload the dishes that way -- or lower the door very gently, and then rehook the hinges up to close it back up properly again. 
• Given these issues (and the likelihood of more to come), and given that 12 years seems to be ancient in appliance terms these days (yikes), we recently went dishwasher shopping. What to pick, from a dizzying array of choices?? (Did I mention I've been having some anxiety issues lately??)  
• We eventually selected a KitchenAid model. It's being delivered next Monday. 
• (I had to notify the property manager of the impending delivery -- and cough up a $500 (Canadian) security deposit in case of damages to the elevator or hallways during delivery/removal of the old machine. It will be returned, assuming all goes well. Sigh...) 
• Huge congratulations to Mali at No Kidding in NZ, who has been named People's Champion for World Childless Week 2026!!  She wrote about it here, and you can read her WCW profile here  So well deserved!!  
• Speaking of World Childless Week, it's next week!  I'll be writing more about it in the days ahead, but I especially wanted to give you a heads-up that I'll be appearing in a Zoom webinar/panel discussion on Thursday, Sept. 17th at 9 AM (Eastern time), along with three of my friends from the Childless Collective:  "All in the Family: Childless women, Caregiving/Caring and Family of Origin Dynamics." 
• Y'all know, I live some 1000 miles away from my family of origin -- and my (younger) sister has been the main point person as our parents have aged (and, in mom's case, passed away in January). But Sandy, the webinar organizer, thought it would be interesting to have my perspective on caregiving and contributing from a distance, so...! 
• You can watch live on Zoom, and the video will be posted on the WCW 2026 website and YouTube channel later that day for later viewing. More details and a sign-up link here.  
• We lost three childless/free icons in short order recently:  first Dolly Parton, then Tim Curry, followed by Gloria Steinem. (Did I mention I've been a bit depressed lately?? -- this didn't help...!) There's been some great writing on various childless/free blogs, etc., about these three and what they meant to us. 
• Gloria Steinem in particular was a familiar presence when I was growing up in the 1970s. Going through my old school essays when we were cleaning out my parents' house last spring, I was amused to find a declaration in one along the lines of "I'm not a big women's libber" -- ah, youth!!  Even if I was reluctant to embrace the F-label as a teenager (lol), there's absolutely no doubt what a huge impact Steinem and the women's movement had on my life, and that I have evolved considerably since then.  ;)  
• I was fortunate enough to briefly encounter Gloria Steinem twice in my life:  
• In 1994, I stood in line at a bookstore in the underground city that runs below Toronto's Financial District during my lunch hour to get her to sign a copy of her latest book, "Moving Beyond Words" (which I still have).  
• Several years after that, she was speaking at a convention of the Ontario Human Resources Professionals Association. Someone had given one of my coworkers tickets;  she was working, but my mom was visiting me and I was off that week, so she gave them to me and Mom & I went to the Toronto Convention Centre to hear Gloria speak.  We also caught a glimpse of her walking through the halls outside the meeting rooms. She was in her 60s then and wearing a miniskirt -- and she looked fabulous in it.  :)   Rest in power, Gloria. And thank you. 
• I was sad to read in the Toronto Star that Gilda's Club recently closed its doors here. 
• I was reminded of a post I wrote wayyyyyy back in 2012 (!) about Gilda Radner (who was childless not by choice) & Gilda's Club. (I also mentioned Gilda in this post from last year, about the Saturday Night Live 50th anniversary celebrations.) 
• Sidenote:  The O'Keefe Centre/Hummingbird Centre/Sony Centre I refer to in that 2012 post has been Meridian Hall since 2019.  Sigh... 
• (The SkyDome is still the Rogers Centre -- but there's now also the Rogers Stadium, which -- as many unsuspecting event ticketholders have discovered, to their dismay! -- is about 20 miles away from the Rogers Centre, in a completely different part of the city...!) 
• New York Times gift link:  "When the Choice to Be Childless Is Not Your Own" by Anna Louise Sussman, author of the upcoming book “Inconceivable:The Impossibility of Family in an Age of Uncertainty.” The article is U.S.-specific, but some of the questions it raises would apply in many other countries. 
• Sample quote:  "...what if we thought of starting a family as a fundamental human experience that should be available to all? What if we extended the ability to have a family — one that many possess as a matter of good fortune — into a basic human right?"
• (Not sure I have the "right" to have a family -- no one can guarantee that -- but I believe it should be a lot easier to TRY to have one, if that's what I want...)
• You've probably heard of "manspreading" -- entitled and oblivious men, spreading out and taking up valuable public space (particularly on public transit). How about "mumspreading"?  Emma Harris thoughtfully explains (on her own website, and on the Life Without Children Substack -- well worth a read!):   

Mumspreading, as I use it, describes something analogous: the ways in which some mums can take up physical, conversational, emotional space without much awareness of the impact on those around them.

This is, ultimately, a post about the invisible grief of childlessness, and what it means to take up space in a world not designed with you in mind.

Annoying things & small pleasures

Annoying things:  

• Maybe it's because I spent three weeks at my dad's, but it feels like this summer was especially short and went by WAY too fast.  :(  
• September arrived with a resurgence of summer heat & humidity on the 1st.  :p  Temperatures peaked at 26C, with the humidity making it feel more like 35C. (That's 79F and 95F.)  
• Crossing my fingers it will be gone by this time next week: repairs to our rooftop "chiller" unit, which provides air conditioning to the building, are scheduled then -- and we will be without a/c for a few days until the job is done...!  
• Like clockwork on Sept. 1st, I received an email from my family doctor with a requisition for bloodwork (to check my cholesterol levels in particular), six months after my last check-in. Sigh... I knew it was coming (if not exactly on the 1st!), but I am NOT looking forward to this...!  I've been doing the best I can, but with all the upheaval around my mom's death, extended time spent with my dad, etc., it's NOT been a great year, nutritionally or activity-wise...! 
• Remember the new sheets I wrote about, a little while back?  I said I was going to order a second set to keep in reserve, and I did that not long after I wrote that post.  Delivery was scheduled between Aug. 21st and 25th. 
• I didn't get any delivery notifications (not sure I signed up for them?), but I checked the tracking number with Canada Post on Monday, Aug. 24th -- and it indicated the package was delivered on Friday, Aug. 21st. ???  Some packages get left right outside our condo unit door, but anything that comes from Canada Post usually goes into a package locker in the mailbox area in the lobby downstairs, and they put a key to the locker in your mailbox. 
• Dh went downstairs to check -- but nothing was there??  And he told me he'd checked the mail on Friday or Saturday, and there WAS a key to the package locker then (he didn't know or remember I was expecting a package) -- so he put the key into the return slot and didn't think anything of it. 
• We figured there was some kind of mixup and my package was probably sitting in another locker. I called the property manager:  they don't have access to the mailboxes (rightly so), but she suggested we could put up a sign for the mail carrier by the boxes, or call Canada Post.
• We stopped at a postal outlet on our way back from the mall on Tuesday (Aug. 25th), and asked the clerk there for advice, and she gave me a 1-800 number to call. Of course it was all AI bots (eyeroll), and I couldn't get anywhere when I asked to speak to a human. I wound up going to their website and using the chatbot there to open an investigation. 
• I was told I'd hear from them one way or another within three business days. (After that, I'd have to contact the sender.)  It was SO annoying to know my package was very likely still in the building, but I couldn't get to it!! 
• Small pleasure: When we got back from visiting SIL and the Little Great-Nephews the next day around noon (Wednesday, Aug. 26th), my package was sitting outside our door!  I figure either Canada Post contacted the delivery person for our building and s/he brought it right to our door, or someone got our package by mistake and brought it over and left it there. 
• Either way, I finally got my new sheets, and I'm happy. :)  It's the first time I've had trouble with a package delivery since we moved here. 
• EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I've been at the mall lately (over the past six months, at least, possibly longer), I've walked by a certain spot in the mall where there are a couple of long, comfortable cushioned benches to sit on.  And there's always at least one, sometimes two or more young women there. (There were FIVE on a recent visit in August!!)  They often have some kind of duffel bag or even a small trolley in font of them. Their phones/cameras and sometimes even lights are set up on tripods, and they're pulling items of clothing out of the bag and holding them up in front of the camera, gesturing and talking rapidly.  It's clear they're some sort of online "influencers" (or wannabes), showing off their latest purchases. They take up valuable seating/rest space -- and even if there is an empty spot I don't want to sit there and listen to them or chance showing up in the background of their videos.  It's annoying as heck.  :p  
• American news anchors and reporters who can't pronounce "premier" or "Ontario." (On top of the even more annoying reasons why Ontario and its premier are in the American news lately in the first place...!)  Two times in two days this past week, I noticed CNN anchors mentioning "the preMEER of OnTAAHrio."  (It's "the PREEmyeer of OnTAIRio"!!)  Sigh.... 

Small pleasures:  

• Reading more again lately. I read 7 books in August (!) and I don't remember the last time I got through that many books in one month?? Not in recent years, for sure...!  
• Making plans to go for brunch on Tuesday (first day of school hereabouts)... because we can!  lol  :)  (One of the perqs of being childless, and retired!)  
• Spending time with the Little Great-Nephews, before Older LGN heads back to school  (We'll still be seeing his little brother most weeks -- he stays with his grandmother during the day while his parents are at work, as his brother once did.)  
• Also:  getting to see Older Nephew's dog last weekend, when he & the kids were at BIL & SIL's.  :)  Hadn't seen him in quite a while, and he was SO happy to see us!  :)  (He turned TEN this summer!)  

Annoying things & small pleasures

Annoying things:  

• For the first time ever, I lost my cellphone last month (July). Thankfully, it was only a temporary thing:  I left it sitting on the table at the restaurant where we were having dinner on our wedding anniversary. (eyeroll)  I normally don't look at my phone much when we're out for dinner (and of course we haven't done that as much since the pandemic) -- but the service was a little slow (and dh was looking at his), so.... 
• When we got home, I realized it wasn't in my purse or in any of the other usual places I set it. Tried calling it with dh's phone -- nothing. (Uh oh...)  Dh went down to the parking garage;  it wasn't in the car, so he hopped in and went back to the restaurant while I called ahead. Thankfully, the waitress who served us had already found it and left it at the front desk. Whew! 
• (Another reason why you should leave your phone in your purse/pocket when you're in a restaurant...!)  
• I'm sure I've written before about the McMichael Centre for Canadian Art, a true national treasure in a small town near where I now live. I took out a membership not long after we moved here, and we've really enjoyed visiting there a couple of times a year to tour the exhibits, hear some of the interesting lectures and stroll around the beautiful grounds. I've also brought guests with me occasionally. (My membership is a "plus one," i.e., it covers admission for two people, and also includes a handful of time-limited guest passes.) 
• The last time we were there was earlier this year, and I'd been saying to dh that we should go again soon (and certainly in the fall, when the colours are at their peak!). 
• I'd heard the gallery was planning to expand -- but it came as a bit of a shock when they  announced on July 16th that it was (temporarily) closing... for THREE YEARS (until sometime in 2029).  (That's assuming all goes well, of course...!) 
• Not only that, the closing date was July 26th -- just 10 days after the announcement (!) -- and a few days before we were scheduled to leave for Manitoba for a few weeks -- meaning we wouldn't have time to squeeze in a last visit before closure.  (I wasn't the only person who questioned this schedule...!)  
• Meanwhile, my membership has been paused. 
• A lot of very hot, humid days, both here and at Dad's (although this past week has not been as bad). The humidex reading one day at Dad's was 47C ( = 117F).  Yuck.  Thank goodness his apartment has an air conditioner (albeit it's very noisy, and he kept turning it off because he would get cold...!).  
• The plug-in carbon monoxide detector we bought & installed when we moved into our condo 10 years ago reached the end of its life and started giving off warning chirps... at 5 AM (why do these things ALWAYS go off in the middle of the night??!), the morning after an exhausting day of travelling home from visiting my dad (!). 
• It's been four years (!) this summer since I had both eye surgery and gallbladder removal, three weeks apart (!)... and a selfie I took and posted on social media, of me prepped and waiting to get rid of pesky gallbladder, recently surfaced in my Facebook memories. I reposted it with a caption saying, "No regrets, hardly any digestive issues since! (And a much easier recovery than the eye surgery I had three weeks earlier...!)"  Would you believe I had THREE people offering me thoughts & prayers for a speedy recovery??!  I mean, it was lovely of them (they were mostly older friends of my parents, perhaps not entirely social media-savvy), but... does anyone actually read captions anymore?
• On a recent discussion thread I was on, the host asked for ideas for future discussion thread topics... and someone suggested a thread of birth stories (!), saying it made her sad to think she only had so many people to tell her story to, and it would make everyone [ed. note: "everyone??"]  feel supported and also prepared, because "no one talks about it!"  
• Do she & I live on the same planet?? 
• I was tempted leave a comment reminding her (and everyone else reading) that not all of us who wanted a baby get to give birth, and some of us have birth stories you really do not want to hear (and yeah, some of us really don't want to hear yours either...!) -- but I bit my cybertongue and scrolled on. (And came here to vent, lol.)  

Small pleasures:  

• Sleeping in my own bed again!!  
• (On that note:)  The new sheets I got just before we left. My sister had recommended them to me a while back, and while I've been reluctant to order from Amazon or buy American lately if I can help it (for obvious reasons...), dh shredded our bottom sheet with his toenail (don't ask...), and my former go-to places to buy bedding (The Bay, Sears, Bed Bath & Beyond...) have all gone the way of the dodo bird in recent years, so...  They are lovely, crisp 100% cotton damask sateen, 500 thread count, deep pockets on the fitted sheet, and reasonably priced.  I'm going to order a second set to keep in reserve!  
• Spending time with the the great-nephews after three weeks away (almost half the summer...!).
• I was pretty busy while we were at Dad's, and I had my share of screen time while I was there (more so on the phone than my laptop) -- but I did have time to finish five (!) books while we were there (albeit a couple of them were pretty short).  :)    

Right now

Right now...* 

*(A (mostly) monthly series/meme.  Explanation of how this started & my inspirations in my first "Right now" post, here. Also my first (similar) "The Current" post, here.)

July was mostly hot, humid, smoky (wildfires in northwestern Ontario) and very busy! -- both at home and at my Dad's in Manitoba (which is where we are right now -- and which is why this post is both later and shorter than usual...!).    

Some of the things I/we did this month include: 

• Tried to stay cool (mostly at home with the air conditioning...!) during a major heatwave in early July! (At one point on July 1st, the temperature was 36C and humidex 48C!!).  
• Went out for an early anniversary dinner at a nearby Italian restaurant (yum!). (July 4th) 
• Drove up to Leaskdale, Ontario (about an hour away) on Sunday, July 5th, for afternoon tea and a performance of "The Blue Castle" (musical), based on the L.M. Montgomery novel (a favourite of mine!).  Details in this post! 
• Shopped for groceries at the supermarket (July 6th & 13th). 
• Had another (!) dinner out on our actual anniversary (July 6th) at another local (Italian) restaurant.  
• Spent the morning at the mall, walking and shopping. (July 7th & 14th) 
• Visited SIL & the Little Great-Nephews for a few hours (July 8th & 15rh). 
• Drove out to our former community for haircuts with our longtime stylist at the mall. Also did some walking and shopping and had lunch while we were there, and stopped by the cemetery en route to spend a few minutes with Katie.  (July 10th) 
• Stopped at the bank for some cash from the ABM, and shopped for birthday gifts for BIL & SIL at Chapters. (July 13th) 
• Stayed indoors as much as possible, and ran the air purifier to counter the thick wildfire smoke and poor air quality outside. (We could smell it in our unit when we woke up in the morning.) (July 15th & 16th) 
• Got myself a pedicure! (July 16th) 
• Headed west (flew) to spend two weeks with my dad (July 18th) -- which have turned into three. (A post on that to come...!)  Since getting here, we have:  
• Taken dad to several medical and other appointments, done some banking and other admin tasks related to my mom's estate and the sale of the house (which closed on July 1st). 
• Made umpteen trips to the local Co-op grocery store. 
• Made a side trip during one of those outings to the local drive-in restaurant  (a local institution for 60+ years!) for ice cream. 
• Played Saturday night TV bingo with Dad (a family tradition dating back about 50 years!).  
• Welcomed a number of visitors, including Parents' Neighbours' Daughter, the Little Princess and her two older (not-so-little anymore) sisters, and PND's parents;  (other) former neighbours from the house, and one of my cousins on my dad's side, whom I hadn't seen in about 25 years.  :)  
• Fetched things and made meals for Dad (who has mobility issues and uses a walker). 

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Also right now:  

Reading: I finished 4 books in July (all reviewed on this blog, as well as Goodreads & StoryGraph, & tagged "2026 books").  Year to date, I've read 18 books,  reached 45% of my Goodreads Challenge goal, and am currently 5 books behind schedule to achieve it by year end.  

• "London Falling" by Patrick Radden Keefe. (5 stars;  my review)   
• "Treacle Walker" by Alan Garner.  (Three-week slow readalong with Footnotes & Tangents.  2.5-3 stars;  my review). 
• "Marble Hall Murders" by Anthony Horowitz -- the third book in his series featuring book editor Susan Ryeland and fictional detective Atticus Pund. I read this one in advance of the PBS Masterpiece Mystery TV series, coming Sept. 6th!  (4.5-5 stars;  my review.) 
• "The Queen of Poisons" by Robert Thorogood (The Marlow Murder Club #3). Season 3 of the PBS Masterpiece Mystery TV series, based in part on this book, also starts Sept. 6th! (3 stars;  my review.) 

Current reads: 

• "Young Woman and the Sea" by Glenn Stout (the September choice for my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club.)  Currently 62% completed. 
• "Still Glides the Stream" by D.E. Stevenson, with my DES group. We started reading & discussing this book on June 22nd and will finish in mid-August. Last read in 2021 (my reviews here & here). Currently 71% completed. 
• "The Forsyte Saga" by John Galsworthy. After mulling it over (see this post!), I accepted a commenter's suggestion to do a readalong together!  Currently 65% completed. 
• "Childless: A Woman and a Girl in a Man's World" by Fabiana Formica.  This one is beautifully written, but slow going, and I was reading it (or trying to...!) at Mom & Dad's last summer (2025), where there were a lot of distractions. I've put it aside for the moment to focus on other reading priorities, but I've completed 33% to date.
• "L.M. Montgomery and Gender," an essay collection edited by E. Holly Pike & Laura Robinson. Slowly working my way through, in between the other books...! 

Coming up: Most of my book groups have their next reads plotted out for a few months in advance -- and listing them here helps me keep track of what I should be reading next. ;)  

• For my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club:  
• "The Wedding People" by Alison Espach (October). (I previously read and reviewed this one, here;  rated 4-4.5 stars.)
• "The Women" by Kristin Hannah (November)
• For my D.E. Stevenson group:  Future reads to be determined.  
• Footnotes & Tangents slow readalongs for 2026 include:

• "The Children’s Book" by A.S. Byatt (September–December) (Planning to take part in this one, as I've never read Byatt and this one sounds interesting.)    

A few recently purchased titles (all in digital format, mostly discounted ($5-10 or less) or purchased with points): (Titles not linked this time.)  

• "Famesick" by Lena Dunham 
• "The Astral Library" by Kate Quinn 
• "John of John" by Douglas Stuart
• "Polished" by Melissa Osborne
• "Strong Ground" by Brene Brown 
• "Straight Man" by Richard Russo 
• "The Mysterious Affair of Judith Potts" by Robert Thorogood 
• "The Outsourced Self" by Arlie Russell Hochschild 

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** 

Watching: 

• World Cup games. We weren't as into it as some people were (and dh was more interested than I am) -- and the fact that Italy is not in the tournament was a huge disappointment locally (it would have been bonkers in our particular suburb if they had...!)  -- but it was still fun watching some of the games and the local coverage -- particularly since Toronto is one of the host cities!  AND Canada did so well!   
• Too much Game Show Network, Cash Cab and Judge Judy (good Lord, she's obnoxious...!)...!  (Thanks but no thanks, Dad...!)  
• CFL football and Toronto Blue Jays baseball games (also Dad's viewing choices, but far preferable to the Game Show Network!  lol) 

Playing:  

• Heardle Decades: I haven't listened to the daily Heardles since we got to Manitoba, but here the stats (as of July 30th):  
• Heardle 60s: 74.3% (965/1298, 390 on first guess), up 0.1%. since June 30th. Max streak: 21. 
• Heardle 70s: 75.0% (781/1042, 438 on first guess), unchanged from June 30th.. Max streak: 18. 
• Heardle 80s:  41.3% (370/895, 148 on first guess), unchagned from June 30th. Max. streak: 6.
• Heardle 90s: 32.9% (328/996, 85 on first guess), unchanged from June 30th. Max. streak: 9. 
• NYT Connections: 
• As of June 30th, I'd played 684 games and won 90% of them (a gain of 1%! since Dec. 31st), including 370 "perfect puzzles" with zero errors, and 20 where I got the most difficult/purple category first (unchanged since Dec.  31st). Maximum winning streak: 45 (unchanged since June 30th, 2025). Current streak: 9.
• I have been playing every day we've been in Manitoba -- but I forgot to note the stats for July 31st!  So these include up to Aug. 2nd: I completed 717 games, won 90% of them (unchanged since June 30th), including 385 "perfect puzzles" with zero errors, and 20 where I got the most difficult/purple category first (unchanged since Dec. 31st). Maximum winning streak:  45 (unchanged since June 30th, 2025).  Current streak: 18..  

Eating/Drinking:  Not as healthily as we do at home...!  The results on the scale when we get back will be interesting...!  (although I have been more active while we've been here, to counterbalance the less-healthy stuff we've been eating...!).  I may have some explaining to do to my doctor when I have to redo my bloodwork in the fall, though, particularly my cholesterol levels (eeekkkk)...!  

• Over the past almost-two years, we've been trying to eat healthier and lower our cholesterol -- and avoid having to take (more) medication -- since some less-than-stellar bloodwork results for both of us in fall 2024 and again more recently... (not as bad as fall 2024, but not as good as early 2025 either).  
• Before we left home in mid-July, I was 0.4 pounds less than when the month started.  Overall, I'm down more than 15 pounds since late October 2024 -- close to my lowest weight in more than a decade -- and more than 27 pounds from my heaviest-ever weight  (in August 2021). 
• (Dh is down about 16 pounds overall since fall 2024.)
• Takeout meals included the usual pizza slices, soup and teriyaki rice bowls from the supermarket. (It's gotten a little boring lately, to be honest -- but it's not easy finding takeout meals that are (a) cheap-ish (b) not too horrible in terms of cholesterol and (c) something dh & I can agree on...!)  
• My dad gets meals delivered directly to his building from a community meals program for seniors -- and since dh & I are also seniors, we can get them too!  They're available every week day -- the menu is published a month in advance -- and dad gets them several times a week (as do many seniors in his building). It's not exactly gourmet fare, but it's tasty, balanced, and filling, always including a protein, starch, veggies or salad, dessert and a bun (often homemade) -- all for the grand price of $7.50 (Canadian) -- plus a few dollars extra delivery fee.  Not bad!  

Wearing:  With the advent of consistently warmer/(very) hot, sometimes (very) humid weather, shorts and tank tops have been added to the wardrobe roster, along with short sleeves, capris & sandals. :) 

Buying (besides books, lol):  Not much!  Mostly groceries since we got here.    

Not attending: Dh's cousin's daughter's wedding, which was July 24th at a rural barn that's been converted into an "event space." We sent our regrets and a gift with BIL & SIL (cash, which is the norm hereabouts and in dh's family's culture -- albeit not as much as would have brought if we'd been attending the wedding ourselves).

Prioritizing:  Taking care of my dad, doing things for him and making his life a little easier, while we're here.  

Trying: To be patient and stay busy, although it's hard in a small shared space that's not my own... 

Wondering/Enduring:  Which is more annoying to have blaring in the background -- "The Price is Right," "Family Feud," "Cash Cab" or "Judge Judy"?? (All staples of my dad's daily TV viewing, unfortunately...!)  

Wanting: At least one more trip to the local drive-in restaurant for ice cream before we leave. :)  

Loving:  Manitoba's big skies.  :)  

                        

Feeling: Tired. A bit stressed. Worried about my dad (albeit less so since he got out of the hospital).  Tired of heat & humidity!! (It IS cooler and less humid today, thankfully...!)  

Anticipating: Spending a little more time with the great-nephews, once we're back home, before Older Great-Nephew has to head back to school in September.   

Coming up in August: Heading home (eventually...!). Remembering our Katie on her day from afar, 28 (!!) years later. 

Annoying things & small pleasures

Annoying things: 

• The opthalmologist I saw last Thursday encouraged me to start using lid wipes again to keep the bacteria that contributes to rosacea at bay. I'd stopped using them (on the advice of my optometrist) when my eyes were giving me so much trouble last fall. They contain tea tree oil, and the optometrist thought they were exacerbating the issues I was experiencing.  We eventually got the problem under control, and all has been well since then. 
• So I used the wipes again on Friday morning (the day after I saw the opthalmologist), and there was some mild irritation. I chalked it up to the dilating drops I'd received the previous day, which left my eyes feeling somewhat raw and strained.  But within hours of using the wipes again on Saturday, my eyes promptly became very irritated, and the lids red and puffy. Not quite as bad as they'd been last fall, but not great either. 
• So I stopped using the wipes, AGAIN (probably for good this time...!). I'll be seeing the optometrist for a follow-up in about two weeks' time, but until then, I increased my use of the topical ointment she'd prescribed for me last fall (from once to twice a day, which is what I started out with when I was having issues last fall). 
• They're not quite 100% yet, but my eyes ARE looking and feeing somewhat better again. Thank goodness!  
• Realizing the new TV adaptation of Margaret Atwood's "The Testaments" (a sequel to "The Handmaid's Tale") is only available on a streaming network (Disney Plus, which we do not have).. (I watched "The Handmaid's Tale" on the Bravo channel, which we get on cable. It was/is also available on the Crave streaming network). 

Small pleasures: 

• Getting a surprisingly (relatively) good deal on airfares for our next trip to see Dad. 
• Checking out new potential ancestors for dh via Ancestry DNA's ThruLines and common ancestors features. (An easy way to lose a few hours!  lol)  
• Sunshine!! Two days this week!! It's been horribly grey for so long ( = annoying thing). Clear, sunny weather in the winter/early spring can often mean it's cold outside -- and it has been that! -- windchill was -15C when we woke up Tuesday morning! -- but it's somewhat sunny and milder today -- we have the balcony door partly open -- and it's supposed to start warming up over the weekend and into next week. (It's ABOUT TIME!!) 
• Artemis II.  :)   I got choked up when Jeremy Hansen announced the crew wanted to name a newly mapped crater after Commander Reid Wiseman's late wife Carroll. (I think everyone did!)  That group hug after the announcement...  :)  
• Also Artemis-related:  I had a good giggle when I read that the crew broke out some maple cream cookies during the time they were incommunicado on the far side of the moon.  :)  
• Small annoying Artemis-related thing:  I was sadly disappointed by the lack of Pink Floyd references I saw on social media regarding Artemis's trek to the dark side of the moon  ;) --  (although when I posted a complaint about this on Facebook, a cousin promptly responded to by posting this meme to my feed...!  Thanks, F.!)  

"IVF is not a silver bullet." (No sh*t, Sherlock...)

I had high hopes when I a story from The Globe and Mail landed in my notifications this afternoon, with the title "IVF is not a silver bullet."  (Gift link.) 

**SPOILER ALERT/CONTENT WARNING:**  Let's just say I was disappointed.  (If you are not in the mood for miracle baby endings, or happy mommy pregnancy & baby photos, don't click over.) 

While the article does illuminate some of the frustrations and shortcomings of IVF treatment in Canada (and generally), I found it curiously terse and the (inevitably happy, with not just one but TWO "miracle babies" -- apparently born just four months apart?? -- after the author had almost "given up," of course) ending rather abrupt. (Several people in the comments so far seem to have felt the same way.)  The graphics were kind of cool, but Ifelt like more space and attention was given to those than the story itself. I would have preferred fewer graphics/photos and more of the story itself. 

I get that this was likely an excerpt from the author's book (In Fertility: The Story of a Miracle and the Big Business Behind It by Kathryn Blaze Baum, which comes out on Tuesday). .Hopefully the book gives a fuller picture of the many systemic issues, as well as the author's personal story.  I am debating whether I am interested enough in the author's critique of the industry (if not her personal "miracle" story) to pick up a copy. 

(But oh, it would be SO nice, just ONCE in a great while, to have one of these stories end without a "miracle baby" -- let alone babIES, plural! -- and a good life, still, regardless.... Why, why, WHY must EVERY story about infertility treatment in the mainstream media end with a baby?? ) 

#MicroblogMondays/Annoying thing: Ens***ification

Somewhere between 5-10 years ago, after I got my first smartphone, I was looking for an app where I could keep my shopping lists and reminders (etc.) and refer to them when I was out (instead of lugging around a purse full of random scraps of paper, lol). 

Someone mentioned Evernote, and I tried it out and liked it. I didn't need all the fancy features it offered (and continued to add over the years), but it was free and easy to use, and I was able to use it on both my phone and laptop (where it's a lot easier for me to type), and sync the content between devices. I used it to make lists of things I wanted to buy at various stores, the exact kinds and sizes of jeans and yoga pants I buy regularly, the great-niblings' current clothing sizes, books I want to buy and read, music I want to purchase, an inventory and wish list for my essential oils, packing lists, a list of toiletries I keep at my parents' house (and what needs replenishing), step-by-step instructions for making turkey & stuffing like my mom's (honed over several years' worth of Thanksgivings and Christmases), etc. etc.  

By now you may have heard about the "enshittification" of the Internet? (There's a book about it, which I haven't read yet, but I thoroughly agree with the premise...!) Google's AI Overview describes it as:  

...a term coined by author Cory Doctorow to describe the deliberate, gradual degradation of online platforms and services. It refers to the process where platforms start by providing high-quality experiences to attract users, then shift value to business customers, and finally maximize profit for shareholders, rendering the service less useful, enjoyable, or user-friendly...  This phenomenon has been used to describe the decay of platforms like Facebook, Twitter/X, TikTok, Amazon, and Spotify, which prioritize ads, "hidden" content, and monetization over quality user experience... The term is often used to criticize "Big Tech" for reducing product quality to maximize short-term profits. 

Case in point:  After using Evernote for several years, I was notified (a few years back) that I had a limit on the number of notes I could create. (OR, I could pay and upgrade to their premium plan!)  

I combined a couple of categories of lists to keep the number of my notes/documents under the limit.

Some time after that, I was told I could now only use the app for free on one device. (OR, I could pay and upgrade to their premium plan!) 

I reluctantly deleted the app on my laptop, but continued to use it on my phone. 

Last week when I opened the app, for the very first time, an ad popped up (beyond the usual offers to upgrade). And then a notification that I could choose to receive ads tailored to my interests, randon untailored ads -- OR, I could pay and upgrade to their premium plan, and remain ad-free! (I think the price quoted was $60 for a year -- U.S. dollars, of course -- although there was a 40% off offer that would have reduced the price.)  

I said, "No thanks" (actually, something less polite, lol), and started looking for another notes app. 

I remembered several people mentioning that they used (and loved) Google Keep. I had a look at it and decided it would serve my purposes just fine. I downloaded the app, and then spent an hour-plus copying my lists over from Evernote and pasting them into Keep.  Once I had all my content moved over, I deleted Evernote from my phone. 

So far, so good.  

Have you noticed "enshittification" in your own online life lately? 

What app(s) do you use for notes, lists, etc.? (Any hints for me on effective use of Google Keep?)

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

Pre-Christmas annoying things (and a few small pleasures)

 Annoying things: 

• I was trying to comment on a WordPress blog recently -- and when I hit "publish," up popped a note from WordPress:  they had blocked my password and I had to create a new one?!  This took some doing, but I finally managed to change my password (grrr...). 
• Related annoying thing:  My comment disappeared into the ether, and had to be recreated.  

• I went to the nail salon last week to have the gel/shellac polish on my toes removed. I've been going there for occasional manicures & pedicures since we moved here, almost 10 years ago now. My SIL goes there too and suggested it to me when I asked her for a referral. It's near where she & BIL live, and the prices are pretty reasonable.  (She & I ended up in pedicure chairs side by side the day before Older Nephew's wedding rehearsal, totally unplanned!) 
• Back story:  I'd had a pedicure in late September, just before we headed to dh's cousin's cottage for the weekend. I had asked for just a regular pedicure with regular enamel polish  -- but the nail tech pushed (hard) for me to have a shellac/gel pedicure. "It lasts much longer! You don't have to sit under the dryer for as long!"  she pointed out brightly. 
• (What she didn't point out:  it was more money, and thus = potentially a larger tip for her.) 
• I didn't really CARE if the polish lasted longer;  I just wanted it to look decent for the weekend. I don't get pedicures very often, and I like being able to remove the polish myself once it starts to chip and look ragged. Plus I am not entirely comfortable with the unnecessary UV light exposure. 
• Anyway, she talked me into it (eyeroll), and brought out a polish that she said was very close to the regular polish I had already picked out. Annoying thing/Spoiler alert:  it was not. I had picked out a teal blue;  the polish I wound up with was more of a teal green. It was nicely done, but not quite what I had wanted -- and obviously more expensive -- and I left feeling a little annoyed that I hadn't stuck to my guns and gotten what I really wanted. 
• While at the cottage, I stubbed the toes on my right foot on the leg of our bed -- TWICE.  
• I didn't think much about it until about a month later, in late October, when I was in the shower. My nails had started to grow out from the nail bed, and while I was lathering up my feet, I noticed a black spot on/under the nail of my right second toe.  I have no idea how long it had been there -- I mean, how often do you look closely at your feet?  Plus I obviously didn't have my glasses on in the shower. Most of the spot was (of course) UNDER the polish -- which I could not remove myself (grrr....). 
• The logical explanation, obviously, is that it's a bruise from when I banged my toe on the bed leg at the cottage a month earlier. (I had a previous black toenail after hitting my toe on the corner of a wall, some years ago. It turned totally black, lasted for months before eventually fading away -- and my nail eventually fell off. Thankfully, it did eventually grow back.) 
• EXCEPT.  I couldn't help but think of the younger brother of my best friend from high school. He died of melanoma at the far-too-young age of 40, leaving a wife and two young boys, as well as his parents & four sisters. It started -- you guessed it -- under the nail of one of his toes. He thought he just had some weird sort of nail fungus. By the time he checked it out with his doctor and they figured out what it actually was, it had spread, and it was too late. :(  
• We had checkups scheduled with our family doctor in late October, and I showed the spot to him. He was pretty sure it was a bruise too, but since he was referring me to a dermatologist (for other reasons), he suggested I have that doctor check it out. (And that I should get the polish fully removed before I went.)  
• So last week, I headed back to the nail salon. I explained, both over the phone and at the counter, that I wanted my gel/shellac polish removed. They could trim my nails, remove the dead skin, etc., but I did not want more polish, even clear. 
• Wouldn't you know it? I got the very same nail tech. And this time, she started in on the hard sell for a paraffin wax treatment. "The skin on your feet is very dry... the paraffin helps seal in the moisture. I really recommend it,"  she said. 
• I've had paraffin treatments before, and I knew she was going to keep pushing, so once again I caved and said yes. 
• She brought out a plastic bag filled with liquid wax. It was HOT, As she squished it over my foot and slipped a terrycloth bag over the plastic, I felt like the bottom of my foot was burning. "It's HOT... please, take it off!" I said.
• She did NOT take it off. "It won't burn you, the temperature isn't hot enough," she assured me brighly, as she put the other bag of liquid wax over my foot -- which was also hot. 
• I was honestly afraid my feet were going to be burned. They weren't -- my feet are fine -- and she did do a nice job on cleaning up my feet and smoothing down the rough spots -- but I wasn't particularly happy. I didn't have enough change to leave even a 10% tip  (I had enough for a larger tip on the regular pedicure I thought I would be getting...!), and frankly, I didn't feel like she deserved one.
• The girls there don't wear nametags, so I'm not sure who else I could ask for. I'm debating whether to ask my SIL, or just try to find a different salon, maybe one closer to where we live. I've been happy with the service and the results in the past;  I just don't appreciate the hard upsell.  :p   
• The kicker?  When I got to the dermatologist's office this week, I COMPLETELY forgot to ask him about it!  (eyeroll) 
• In my defense, he was a busy guy & spent no more than five minutes with me before sailing out of the room and on to his next patient. Sigh. 
  
  
• I found a typo in this year's edition of the annual Christmas letter that I send out with some of my cards. (I mean, I used to be my department's go-to editor & proofreader...!) 
• Related annoying thing:  Of course I found it AFTER I had put the cards into the mail...!  
• Not only that -- what I THOUGHT I had written ("The trip we’d hoped to take didn’t materialize, but maybe next year…!") turned out to be "The trip we'd hoped to take didn't maternalize...").  Freudian slip??  :p 

• You may or may not recall that we had some plumbing repairs done in late August that turned out to be far more complex (near-disastrous, in fact) -- and WAY more expensive -- than we had anticipated. 
• I wrote about this in brief, general terms at the time. To summarize briefly: We wanted a few things done, but my main concern was the water spout in the shower cubicle in our master bathroom. (Like the water spout in a bathtub, but in a standalone shower cubicle. Apparently it's a Canadian thing:  a lot of people refer to it as a "toe tester," lol.)  It had been dripping for months. The dripping sound was driving me crazy, and it was a constant battle to keep the mildew at bay. I figured all that was needed was likely to replace a rubber ring behind the tap handle. 
• I'd mentioned the issue at least twice to the plumber recommended by our property manager, who does the general plumbing repairs & maintenance for the building, both in person and in an email, but annoyingly, he never got back to me. I asked dh if I should try one more time or try someone else, and he said to try someone else. I did a bit of Googling, read some reviews, picked a name and called them up. 
• As I said above, what we wanted done turned out to be a LOT more complicated (and the bill was MUCH higher) than we'd anticipated. We weren't very happy with how it all unfolded (let alone the bill!!) -- but the good thing was that they did fix the dripping. (Eventually!) . 
• Since then, however, we've noticed the water runs nowhere near as warm/hot as it used to. Even when I crank the tap handle all the way over on the "hot" side, the best it gets is just nicely warm. Some mornings, it's just lukewarm. Also, the water pressure seems a lot weaker.  
• Note:  We have no issues with the warm/hot water anywhere else in the unit. 
• One recent morning (less than a week before we leave on holidays), dh emerged from the shower to tell me the water was cold.  Not freezing cold (yay?), but not even lukewarm -- like, barely tepid. 
• I got in the shower, turned on the water and stuck my foot under the spout (without turning on the actual shower). "Oh hell no," I said.  
• Luckily, we have a second bathroom, with a regular tub/shower unit. Dh had taken a few baths in there, and I'd used the tub to fill buckets and wash large items (like window screens), but in the almost 10 years we've lived here, we'd never tried out the shower...!  
• Well, no time like the present...!  
• The water was wonderfully warm and the spray was strong.  
• His cold shower was the last straw for dh:  he's resolved to call the plumber -- the building-approved plumber -- when we get back from Christmas holidays, and ask them to come have a look. They may be hard to get hold of sometimes, but they have done a good job for us before, and their prices have been very reasonable.
• We are definitely NOT calling the other guys back -- even though it's really their issue to fix...!  
  
  
• A to-do list that never seems to get any shorter...!  (especially as we head towards Christmas...!) 

Small pleasures: 

• The decorated Christmas tree, especially the lights.  
• Little Great-Nephew #2's first birthday party on Saturday!!  :)  
• I'm still lacking some stocking stuffers, but the great-niblings and Little Princesses are well taken care of.  :)  
• Heading west for Christmas in a few days' time too!  :)  

#MicroblogMondays: Really annoying thing: Sick :p

I guess it's a good thing I had fun at Little Great Nephew #1's birthday party (a week ago Saturday). 

Because I have been SICK, all this past week, with a horrible cold, the worst I've had in a while. 

I ran a temperature, 100F at one point, I had a stuffy head and a horrible cough that rattled my chest, shredded my already-raw, sore throat and left my diaphragm/ribs feeling sore, and I even coughed up a little blood at one point. I went from feeling a scratch in my throat on Monday afternoon, to feeling pretty lousy by Tuesday afternoon, and like utter crap for almost the entire rest of the week. I think I can safely say I'm feeling somewhat better (started feeling less crappy over Friday/Saturday) -- but I am still far from 100%. I am coughing less (and it's a lot looser), but I have not been sleeping well, even propped up on pillows, and I have NO stamina. I have not left the house in a week. 

Dh hadn't talked to his brother all week, so he called him on Saturday night. Guess what?  Dh, BIL, Younger Nephew, his wife & LGNiece all feel fine. But all the rest of us -- LGN#1 (the birthday boy) & #2 (still not even a year old), Older Nephew, his wife, her mother, and his (SIL), have all been sick too, all week long. :(  (Not sure about any of the other partygoers?)

LGN#1 missed the entire last week of school, including his actual birthday (he was so disappointed -- they announce the kids' birthdays on the PA system, and he was looking forward to that). SIL even lost her sense of taste. I never lost mine, but I didn't have much of an appetite for most of the week. (The ultimate indignity? When I weighed myself on Friday, I had GAINED a pound. Go figure...)  I tested myself for covid on day 3 -- negative -- and we both had our covid & flu shots two weeks ago -- but now I'm wondering if maybe it was covid after all? 

I suppose it's par for the course, after spending a couple of hours with 20 small children (plus parents), no masks -- not to mention taking a swig of water from the wrong water bottle (oops, and EWWW...). (One of the perqs of childlessness: less exposure to these kind of situations/germs!)

Still, I wouldn't have missed the party!  And better now, I guess, than a month from now,,,! 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

Annoying things & small pleasures

Annoying things: 

• The neighbour two doors down must have gotten a dog/puppy... because over the past few weeks, it's been yelping/whining, on & off, sometimes for hours on end. (Dh has gone out into the hall and pinpointed the unit where the noise is coming from.) It's annoying as hell to have to listen to, and it also breaks my heart to think of that poor pup, who has probably been left all alone for hours on end. We are on the verge of sending a complaint to the property manager. 
• By contrast, our next door neighbour has two dogs (and works full time), and another neighbour a few doors down the hall has a new-ish puppy too. We hardly ever hear a peep from them. 
• The mall has been significantly busier, even on midweek mornings before noon, these past few weeks. (Already! Six weeks away from Christmas!) 
• Of course, the last timewe were there was last Tuesday, i.e., Remembrance Day -- a holiday for government  workers, if not everyone. 
• I was standing in the checkout line at Old Navy when the mall PA system asked for the traditional two minutes of silence, and began playing a recording of "The Last Post." (It was exactly 11 AM.)  I was pleasantly surprised when, within a few seconds, everyone in the store had stopped what they were doing and bowed their heads while the music played. 
• However, when the music stopped, everyone started talking and ringing up items again -- not realizing that they were supposed to remain silent for two full minutes. They were kind of startled when the closing bars of The Last Post began again, after the two minutes were up.  I guess they get points for the initial recognition of what to do, but...! Is two minutes of silence really too much to ask in these crazy times?? 
• House humidity has plunged since the temperatures started dropping. We started up the humidifier last week, and while it doesn't hurt, I'm not sure it makes a significant difference either. 
• I don't mind the chillier weather, but the relentlessly gloomy, grey, cloudy sky is already making my mood plunge. :(   
• Hopefully, things will perk up a bit once we put up the Christmas tree, later this month! 
• I've been referred (by my optometrist) back to the opthamologist who did the surgery on my right eye, three summers ago -- this time to check out my left eye, which may or may not be developing a similar problem. :( 
• Also annoying:  I couldn't get in to see her until early February. I really feel like I need new glasses (more surgery or not) -- the ones I have are 11 years old (!) and getting rather scratched up, so I think I'm due for a new pair, if only for aesthetic reasons! -- but I guess I'll have to wait at least a few months longer for those... 
• I also managed to put a noticeable scratch right in the centre of my the left lens of my computer/screen glasses recently (which, come to think of it, are about the same age as my regular ones!). :p  So I may need TWO new pairs... sigh... 
• Further annoying thing:  After I wrote this blurb, dh checked the mail and there was a letter from the opthamologist's office, confirming my appointment. For APRIL. The optometrist's office had called with the February date a couple of days ago. 
• I've left a message with the opthamologist's office, asking them to confirm the proper date. (Based on previous experience with this office, it may be a few days before I hear back from them.) Sigh... 
• (Before all this started, I was hoping I could have new glasses by Christmas or January at the latest... at this rate, Christmas 2026 might be more likely...!)  

Small pleasures: 

• Buying and (since Remembrance Day is over) wearing some new holiday PJ tops from Old Navy around the house. I don't often buy the coordinating PJ pants;  I mostly wear black yoga pants around the house. Somehow that feels a step up from pajamas!  (Am I deluding myself?  lol)  
• Starting to accumulate a pile of presents for both Little Great-Nephews' birthdays (one soon, one just before Christmas), as well as all three great-niblings for Christmas. 
• If you'd told me 20-25 years ago that I could not only enter a children's clothing store without wincing but also scour the racks with positive glee, I never would have believed you. 
• (I will admit, the sight of tiny pretty holiday dresses for little girls still has the power to sting. But for the most part, I enjoy myself!)  
• Meeting up with a childless friend (whom I first "met" online) for tea a few days ago :) at the coffee shop connected to a bookstore, about a half-hour's drive north of us (and about a half-hour's drive south from where she lives). Dh agreed to take me there, and browsed for books and presents for Little Great-Nephew #1's upcoming birthday while she and I chatted. 

#MicroblogMondays: The dog ate my #MM post

Okay, I don't have a dog. And I AM posting today, albeit later than I usually do on a #MM.  

However, I do have an excuse. 

I'll be honest, I didn't have anything drafted or planned in advance for a post today. I figured I'd have plenty of time today to think of something to write about.... and then write about it. But morning drifted into early afternoon...  

I was enjoying a large mug of tea (with milk and sugar), sometime before 2 PM, when... disaster. The half-full mug slipped out of my hands, sloshed all over my brand new WHITE top and yoga pants, onto the chair (fortunately, leather and wipeable) -- AND onto the keyboard of the laptop, sitting in my lap. (Thankfully, only a few drops got on the floor.) 

I sat there, stunned, for a moment. Dh sprang into action, unplugged the computer & took it over to the kitchen counter. I recovered my senses, got up and turned it upside down over the sink, to try to drain as much of the tea as I could out of the keyboard. Dh got the dishcloth & started wiping it down, then my wooden lapdesk (which the laptop sits on in my lap), and the chair.  

Once we'd mopped up most of the liquid we could see, I (finally) turned it off. I wiped down the keyboard with a cotton pad soaked in rubbing alcohol, and cleaned around/between the keys with cotton swabs also dipped in rubbing alcohol. (Note to self: must do this more often... ewww.....).  

I grabbed my phone and Googled "spilled tea on laptop keyboard" to try to figure out what else we should be doing. One post suggested turning it upside down over a towel. I think this would apply more to a conventional (desktop computer) keyboard vs a laptop -- I was afraid that opening up the laptop too far/wide might damage it (more than I might have already) -- so what I did was open it up, set a towel over the keyboard, close it and then turn it over, so that the keyboard part was facing down into the towel (and when I checked, there was a little more wetness coming off the keyboard, so it was obviously the right thing to do).  

Then I went to the bedroom and changed out of my wet clothes, spritzed my top with stain remover, and hung them up to dry (before putting them in the laundry). And then I called my personal Geek Squad -- i.e., my sister's techie partner -- for advice. 

I was relieved when he told me I was on the right track. He suggested that I should open the laptop up, turn it on its side (like an open book), and set it in front of a fan to help it dry out faster. I asked him how long I should keep it off before trying to turn it on, and he said a couple of hours should do the trick. He said the likeliest problem would be the keys getting gummed up.  

I held my breath, plugged it in after about 5 hours, and pressed "start."  

So far, so good. (Fingers crossed.)  I even managed to reopen all the tabs I'd had going before I shut everything down and pick up where I left off. (Thank you, Chrome History!)  

Next on the agenda:  That backup I've been procrastinating on doing... (I DID do one a month ago.)  

(Please tell me I'm not the only klutz this kind of thing has happened to...)

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

#MicroblogMondays: Odds & ends

• 
  Lana Manikowski at "Infertile and Childless. So Now What?" nails it in "The Grief That Comes Without a Funeral." (Italics & boldface from the original text.) 

Here’s what few people understand: infertility grief isn’t just about a failed IVF cycle or a miscarriage. It’s about the futures we already built in our imagination. The baby names we whispered. The vacations we dreamed of as a family. The family photos we pictured on holiday cards. Every negative test isn’t just a single “no.” It’s another lifetime quietly slipping away, one no one else even knew existed. That’s why it feels so heavy, because you’re mourning futures no one else will ever acknowledge. There are no condolences. No casseroles. Just silence.

• "On the Outside," Y.L. Wolfe tells it like is: "Childless Women Do Not Need Your Unsolicited Advice."  Subheading:  "Yes, we've considered all the options, and no, we don't want to talk about it with strangers."  PREACH!! 

Small excerpt: 

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. The truth is, childless women make people uncomfortable. We’re living proof that life doesn’t always go the way you want it to. Our very presence inspires people’s worst fears and thus, I suspect, they feel unconsciously desperate to comfort themselves by acting like this is a problem that could easily be fixed.

• Y.L. Wolfe's writing is always great, but (as an amateur genealogist) I especially loved this article she wrote for Medium (which may or may not be paywalled?):  "The Unexpected Branching of a Childless Woman’s Family Tree." (Subhead: "Expanding the meaning of legacy for women who didn’t get the chance to have children.")  Excerpt: 

I don’t believe for a moment that our line ends here. That our existence won’t still reach as far into the future as it does into the past.

Branches will grow out from us, whether we have children or not.

and 

It’s important to remember that legacy isn’t just about biology...  you’re passing on parts of yourself to everyone you come across, whether you are related to them or not... there are countless ways to pass down your family values, your ideals, your wisdom, mostly in a manner that cannot be quantified or measured.

In fact, you’ll likely never know the impact you have made on the people in your life and the ripple effect that will have long after you are gone, on people you’ll never meet.

Legacy is a much bigger concept than we’ve been led to believe.

• Ali Hall at "Life Without Children" ponders "Why We Need To Change the Language Used for People Without Children" (subhead: "And all the ways 'childfree' and 'childless' are used against us"). (Not sure I like her proposed alternative... the quest continues...!)  
• This wasn't the first post I read musing about language choices for those of us living without children, and I'm certain it won't be the last...!  In fact -- the third post I ever wrote for this blog -- back in November 2007! -- explored a similar question:  "Am I childLESS or childFREE?" 

• Well worth a listen:  Jody Day chats with Zoe Noble of  'We Are Childfree" (which is both a Substack and a podcast, available on many podcast platforms, such as Spotify). 

• Not ALI-related, but another thoughtful & interesting piece from Charlie Angus at "The Resistance," about the most famous political assassination in Canadian history (not that there have been a lot of them -- and thank goodness for that!). I thought some of you might find it interesting! 
• As I mentioned in this post from 2017 (about a trip to Ottawa), as a high school senior taking part in the Rotary Club's Adventure in Citizenship program, I was being driven to Parliament Hill on the first morning, and the man driving me pointed to a street corner in passing and said, "Over there is the spot where where they shot D'Arcy McGee."  I had only a hazy idea of who D'Arcy McGee was at that point, but his remark stuck with me, and I looked him up when I got home, (We passed by the plaque marking the spot on that 2017 trip -- the same one pictured in the Substack post -- and I took a photo of it. We also had dinner at D'Arcy McGee's pub, also mentioned and pictured in the post.)  
• I vividly remember the other assassination mentioned, which took place 100+ years later, in October 1970 -- the "October Crisis," in which separatist terrorists kidnapped Quebec cabinet minister Pierre Laporte and British diplomat James Cross in Montreal, and murdered Laporte. (Cross was released.) I was 9 years old at the time, and one of my school friends told us Laporte had been beheaded (!). Her father was an RCMP officer, so we figured she would know. (He wasn't; the poor man was strangled.)  

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.