Odds & ends (including a World Childless Week webinar!)

I've been struggling a bit lately, with writing more regularly in this blog -- and with other parts of my life too. It feels like there are a gazillion things demanding my attention, and all I want to do is bury my nose in a book (Kobo reader?) or my phone and scroll mindlessly. I bounce from one thing to another and accomplish nothing, and fret over the dumbest little things. Frankly, I think I might be a little depressed -- and I guess it's not surprising, given the events and stresses and losses around me this past year(s/) -- both personal and in the broader world. 

Writing IS (always has been) a comfort and an outlet, though, and I have been collecting more odds & ends to share with you here (albeit there are a lot I meant to flag that have slipped through my fingers). Here are a few things I've been noticing and thinking about lately:   

• Latest annoying/anxiety-inducing thing:  Our GE Profile dishwasher (original to the condo, so likely about 12 years old) is leaking water from the bottom. :(  We've stopped using it (washing dishes by hand), and even turned off the valve to shut off the water to it, but it's still getting wet under there. 
• I've been sliding rags or sheets of paper towel underneath to catch and mop up the drips, and swapping them out for dry ones every few hours. 
• Beyond the leak, the springs on both sides of the door have snapped in recent years -- meaning we can't just open the door and let it drop (because it DROPS!) -- we have to either hold it or balance it against a hip and load/unload the dishes that way -- or lower the door very gently, and then rehook the hinges up to close it back up properly again. 
• Given these issues (and the likelihood of more to come), and given that 12 years seems to be ancient in appliance terms these days (yikes), we recently went dishwasher shopping. What to pick, from a dizzying array of choices?? (Did I mention I've been having some anxiety issues lately??)  
• We eventually selected a KitchenAid model. It's being delivered next Monday. 
• (I had to notify the property manager of the impending delivery -- and cough up a $500 (Canadian) security deposit in case of damages to the elevator or hallways during delivery/removal of the old machine. It will be returned, assuming all goes well. Sigh...) 
• Huge congratulations to Mali at No Kidding in NZ, who has been named People's Champion for World Childless Week 2026!!  She wrote about it here, and you can read her WCW profile here  So well deserved!!  
• Speaking of World Childless Week, it's next week!  I'll be writing more about it in the days ahead, but I especially wanted to give you a heads-up that I'll be appearing in a Zoom webinar/panel discussion on Thursday, Sept. 17th at 9 AM (Eastern time), along with three of my friends from the Childless Collective:  "All in the Family: Childless women, Caregiving/Caring and Family of Origin Dynamics." 
• Y'all know, I live some 1000 miles away from my family of origin -- and my (younger) sister has been the main point person as our parents have aged (and, in mom's case, passed away in January). But Sandy, the webinar organizer, thought it would be interesting to have my perspective on caregiving and contributing from a distance, so...! 
• You can watch live on Zoom, and the video will be posted on the WCW 2026 website and YouTube channel later that day for later viewing. More details and a sign-up link here.  
• We lost three childless/free icons in short order recently:  first Dolly Parton, then Tim Curry, followed by Gloria Steinem. (Did I mention I've been a bit depressed lately?? -- this didn't help...!) There's been some great writing on various childless/free blogs, etc., about these three and what they meant to us. 
• Gloria Steinem in particular was a familiar presence when I was growing up in the 1970s. Going through my old school essays when we were cleaning out my parents' house last spring, I was amused to find a declaration in one along the lines of "I'm not a big women's libber" -- ah, youth!!  Even if I was reluctant to embrace the F-label as a teenager (lol), there's absolutely no doubt what a huge impact Steinem and the women's movement had on my life, and that I have evolved considerably since then.  ;)  
• I was fortunate enough to briefly encounter Gloria Steinem twice in my life:  
• In 1994, I stood in line at a bookstore in the underground city that runs below Toronto's Financial District during my lunch hour to get her to sign a copy of her latest book, "Moving Beyond Words" (which I still have).  
• Several years after that, she was speaking at a convention of the Ontario Human Resources Professionals Association. Someone had given one of my coworkers tickets;  she was working, but my mom was visiting me and I was off that week, so she gave them to me and Mom & I went to the Toronto Convention Centre to hear Gloria speak.  We also caught a glimpse of her walking through the halls outside the meeting rooms. She was in her 60s then and wearing a miniskirt -- and she looked fabulous in it.  :)   Rest in power, Gloria. And thank you. 
• I was sad to read in the Toronto Star that Gilda's Club recently closed its doors here. 
• I was reminded of a post I wrote wayyyyyy back in 2012 (!) about Gilda Radner (who was childless not by choice) & Gilda's Club. (I also mentioned Gilda in this post from last year, about the Saturday Night Live 50th anniversary celebrations.) 
• Sidenote:  The O'Keefe Centre/Hummingbird Centre/Sony Centre I refer to in that 2012 post has been Meridian Hall since 2019.  Sigh... 
• (The SkyDome is still the Rogers Centre -- but there's now also the Rogers Stadium, which -- as many unsuspecting event ticketholders have discovered, to their dismay! -- is about 20 miles away from the Rogers Centre, in a completely different part of the city...!) 
• New York Times gift link:  "When the Choice to Be Childless Is Not Your Own" by Anna Louise Sussman, author of the upcoming book “Inconceivable:The Impossibility of Family in an Age of Uncertainty.” The article is U.S.-specific, but some of the questions it raises would apply in many other countries. 
• Sample quote:  "...what if we thought of starting a family as a fundamental human experience that should be available to all? What if we extended the ability to have a family — one that many possess as a matter of good fortune — into a basic human right?"
• (Not sure I have the "right" to have a family -- no one can guarantee that -- but I believe it should be a lot easier to TRY to have one, if that's what I want...)
• You've probably heard of "manspreading" -- entitled and oblivious men, spreading out and taking up valuable public space (particularly on public transit). How about "mumspreading"?  Emma Harris thoughtfully explains (on her own website, and on the Life Without Children Substack -- well worth a read!):   

Mumspreading, as I use it, describes something analogous: the ways in which some mums can take up physical, conversational, emotional space without much awareness of the impact on those around them.

This is, ultimately, a post about the invisible grief of childlessness, and what it means to take up space in a world not designed with you in mind.

"Yesteryear" by Caro Claire Burke

I finally picked up "Yesteryear" by Caro Claire Burke, one of this year's "buzz" books, after hearing a lot about it on. I've always liked time travel novels, and this promised to be one  -- or, at least, to contain a time travel element as part of the storyline.  

Natalie Heller Mills is a "tradwife," raising five homeschooled children (and pregnant with #6) in a rustic home (which is nevertheless equipped with all the modern conveniences) on a ranch known as "Yesteryear" in rural southern Idaho. She's married to Caleb, the rather hapless youngest son of a powerful U.S. senator who has presidential ambitions. 

She's also a highly successful social media influencer, who employs a producer as well as two nannies/teachers for her children, so that she can focus on being in front of the camera. She's clearly modelled on Hannah Neeleman of Ballerina Farm and other social media tradwife influencers,  with echoes of Tara Westover's "Educated" (setting in the mountains of rural southern Idaho, Ivy League scholarship, fundamentalist religious upbringing, etc. -- although in Natalie's case, the denomination is unspecified).  

On the surface, Natalie's life seems idyllic. But it quickly becomes evident that she's seething with rage and insecurity, as she tells us (in a first-person narrative) about her life, her family, and how she got to this level of fame and fortune.    

Then one morning, Natalie wakes up and abruptly finds herself somehow transported back to the year 1855 (!) -- actually living the traditional back-to-the-land life she's represented.  The story pivots back and forth between the story of Natalie's marriage to Caleb and how she became an "influencer," and the bewildering world she now finds herself in, with a husband she calls "Old Caleb" and four children, who are familiar in some ways and not at all in others. 

It didn't take me long to realize I disliked Natalie -- a lot. She didn't improve much over the course of the book -- although I felt a certain amount of sympathy at her bewildered and terrified reaction to waking up in 1855. I'm not sure any of us would have reacted any differently! (Still, there was a bit of schadenfreude, watching her having to practice/live what she preached...!). 

But an unlikeable heroine is not necessarily a deal-breaker for me in a book. It was an interesting premise, if not always smoothly executed, and it sure kept me turning the pages. I'd heard there was a twist ending, and a little about what it involved. But even so... let's just say I did not expect what ultimately unfolded!

ALI/CNBC note:  Obviously, this is NOT an entirely "safe" read for us, given the subject matter...!  Notably, there's a home birth described near the end of the book that I found difficult to read. 

4 stars.  

This was Book #23 read to date in 2026 (and Book #5 finished in August), bringing me to 57% of  my 2026 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 40 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 2 books behind pace to meet my goal.  :(  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2026 tagged as "2026 books."  

Annoying things & small pleasures

Annoying things:  

• For the first time ever, I lost my cellphone last month (July). Thankfully, it was only a temporary thing:  I left it sitting on the table at the restaurant where we were having dinner on our wedding anniversary. (eyeroll)  I normally don't look at my phone much when we're out for dinner (and of course we haven't done that as much since the pandemic) -- but the service was a little slow (and dh was looking at his), so.... 
• When we got home, I realized it wasn't in my purse or in any of the other usual places I set it. Tried calling it with dh's phone -- nothing. (Uh oh...)  Dh went down to the parking garage;  it wasn't in the car, so he hopped in and went back to the restaurant while I called ahead. Thankfully, the waitress who served us had already found it and left it at the front desk. Whew! 
• (Another reason why you should leave your phone in your purse/pocket when you're in a restaurant...!)  
• I'm sure I've written before about the McMichael Centre for Canadian Art, a true national treasure in a small town near where I now live. I took out a membership not long after we moved here, and we've really enjoyed visiting there a couple of times a year to tour the exhibits, hear some of the interesting lectures and stroll around the beautiful grounds. I've also brought guests with me occasionally. (My membership is a "plus one," i.e., it covers admission for two people, and also includes a handful of time-limited guest passes.) 
• The last time we were there was earlier this year, and I'd been saying to dh that we should go again soon (and certainly in the fall, when the colours are at their peak!). 
• I'd heard the gallery was planning to expand -- but it came as a bit of a shock when they  announced on July 16th that it was (temporarily) closing... for THREE YEARS (until sometime in 2029).  (That's assuming all goes well, of course...!) 
• Not only that, the closing date was July 26th -- just 10 days after the announcement (!) -- and a few days before we were scheduled to leave for Manitoba for a few weeks -- meaning we wouldn't have time to squeeze in a last visit before closure.  (I wasn't the only person who questioned this schedule...!)  
• Meanwhile, my membership has been paused. 
• A lot of very hot, humid days, both here and at Dad's (although this past week has not been as bad). The humidex reading one day at Dad's was 47C ( = 117F).  Yuck.  Thank goodness his apartment has an air conditioner (albeit it's very noisy, and he kept turning it off because he would get cold...!).  
• The plug-in carbon monoxide detector we bought & installed when we moved into our condo 10 years ago reached the end of its life and started giving off warning chirps... at 5 AM (why do these things ALWAYS go off in the middle of the night??!), the morning after an exhausting day of travelling home from visiting my dad (!). 
• It's been four years (!) this summer since I had both eye surgery and gallbladder removal, three weeks apart (!)... and a selfie I took and posted on social media, of me prepped and waiting to get rid of pesky gallbladder, recently surfaced in my Facebook memories. I reposted it with a caption saying, "No regrets, hardly any digestive issues since! (And a much easier recovery than the eye surgery I had three weeks earlier...!)"  Would you believe I had THREE people offering me thoughts & prayers for a speedy recovery??!  I mean, it was lovely of them (they were mostly older friends of my parents, perhaps not entirely social media-savvy), but... does anyone actually read captions anymore?
• On a recent discussion thread I was on, the host asked for ideas for future discussion thread topics... and someone suggested a thread of birth stories (!), saying it made her sad to think she only had so many people to tell her story to, and it would make everyone [ed. note: "everyone??"]  feel supported and also prepared, because "no one talks about it!"  
• Do she & I live on the same planet?? 
• I was tempted leave a comment reminding her (and everyone else reading) that not all of us who wanted a baby get to give birth, and some of us have birth stories you really do not want to hear (and yeah, some of us really don't want to hear yours either...!) -- but I bit my cybertongue and scrolled on. (And came here to vent, lol.)  

Small pleasures:  

• Sleeping in my own bed again!!  
• (On that note:)  The new sheets I got just before we left. My sister had recommended them to me a while back, and while I've been reluctant to order from Amazon or buy American lately if I can help it (for obvious reasons...), dh shredded our bottom sheet with his toenail (don't ask...), and my former go-to places to buy bedding (The Bay, Sears, Bed Bath & Beyond...) have all gone the way of the dodo bird in recent years, so...  They are lovely, crisp 100% cotton damask sateen, 500 thread count, deep pockets on the fitted sheet, and reasonably priced.  I'm going to order a second set to keep in reserve!  
• Spending time with the the great-nephews after three weeks away (almost half the summer...!).
• I was pretty busy while we were at Dad's, and I had my share of screen time while I was there (more so on the phone than my laptop) -- but I did have time to finish five (!) books while we were there (albeit a couple of them were pretty short).  :)    

Odds & ends

I've been collecting "odds & ends" of links for at least a month now... I know I've missed out on recording a LOT of great stuff I've read lately, but I think it's time to share what I do have! 

• Big (((hugs))) to Mali at No Kidding in NZ, who recently lost her husband.  :(  
• Ali Hall at Life Without Children ponders something many childless & childfree women have realized:  too many people wanting (expecting?) a village, too few people stepping up as villagers. ("How Expecting One-Way Support From Women Without Kids to Mothers Is Anti-Village.") 
• Also from Ali Hall: "Why It’s Important for Childfree and Childless People to Have Friends Without Kids" (as well as parent friends).  
• Jody Day shares more details about her Alterkin project, one year after it began, on her Gateway Elderwomen Substack. 
• Not necessarily ALI/CNBC related, but worth a read (made me smile!):  Mary Elizabeth Williams, an American living in Glasgow and writing on Substack, ponders "What Scotland's Tartan Army can show us about joy."  :)   (One memorable line:  "be the chaos goblin you wish to see in the world."  lol) 
• This one might not be an an easy read for some of us in our community -- I certainly found myself cringing as I read it.  And for a "Critic's Notebook," I wish the article contained less of fashion commentary and more actual criticism, and had more to say about pronatalism and the agenda at work here, etc.  But it certainly reflects where American society & politics are right now...! Gift link:  "The Politics and Power of the Pregnancy Image." 
• A member of my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club -- where we recently read "You Are Here" by David Nicholls, one of my favourite novels of recent years -- alerted us recently that the BBC is adapting the novel, and has cast Claire Foy and Matthew Macfadyen in the roles of Marnie and Michael.  Nicholls is doing the screenplay, and the director, Lenny Abrahamson,  was in charge of the exquisite screen version of "Normal People,"  so this bodes well!  
• Sara Petersen at "In Pursuit of Clean Countertops" on Patreon talked to Kathryn Jezer-Morton about her new book ("The Story of Your Life"), "the flat story," "snark communities" and redemption narratives. Fascinating stuff!  
• Kirstie Kimball at "beyondbeurreblanc" is an independent food critic from Minnesota, who wrote a moving essay about her infertility:  "The Ghost in My Third Bedroom."  (T/W:  Cancer.)  
• Jill Holly at "Spinster-esque" on Substack has some great content related to being childless/free, including several recent posts with reading recommendations. Example:  "Books to become a feisty childfree elder:  All the inspo you need to age disgracefully."  ;)  
• Lana Manikowski has had several thoughtful posts lately on her Substack "Infertile and Childless. So Now What?"  including "The Hardest Part of Infertility" and "I’m Not the Same Woman I Was When Fertility Treatment Ended." Sample passage:  

For years, I thought surviving fertility treatment was the hardest part. Looking back, I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Turns out, the hardest part wasn’t going through IVF. It was figuring out who I was when there wasn’t another protocol to try or another cycle to start.

Recent odds & ends

• World Childless Week (WCW) has announced the daily topics for WCW 2026 (Sept. 14th to 20th).  Learn more about WCW 2026 and how you can get involved here.   
• In a blog post for the World Childless Week website, Gayle Letherby offers "Some Reflections on Being ‘Other'." 
• Lana Manikowski at "Infertile and Childless: So Now What?" poses an important question: "When IVF Fails Again and Again: How Do You Know When Enough Is Enough?" 
• Lexi Weber at "Not Expecting" shares five observations about infertility (including that "Infertility makes you weird at brunch").  
• PJ is "In Transition" -- and yes, PJ, this all definitely sounds familiar!!  (Read her post and a few of my latest, and you'll understand why...!)  
• Every now & then, a long-dormant blog on my blogroll will pop to the top of the list with a new post. "Tips on Triplets" re-emerged recently with a post ("Trauma Chameleon") looking at the lingering effects of loss and trauma, 15 years later. 
• Y'all know I love the Flavia de Luce novels by Canadian author Alan Bradley. Sadly, I learned through one of my book clubs (where we read the first Flavia book together which was happily very well received!) that Bradley died on May 19th at age 87. How he managed to channel an 11-year-old girl (from 1950s UK -- when he'd never set foot there before he wrote the first book!) so incredibly well will remain a mystery...!  
• Very happily, he left one final Flavia novel for us:  "Numb Were the Beadsman's Fingers," available on Nov. 3rd.  :)  Also, "Flavia" the movie (based on the first Flavia book, "The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie") will be released in North America on Dec. 4th! (It's been out in the UK since early April.)  

Right now

Right now...* 

*(A (mostly) monthly series/meme.  Explanation of how this started & my inspirations in my first "Right now" post, here. Also my first (similar) "The Current" post, here.)

May was yet another (very!) busy month. (How is it possible that we're almost halfway through the year already?) 

Some of the things I/we did this month include: 

• Went to the bank for some cash, and the drugstore to pick up a prescription for dh. (May 1st) 
• Shopped for groceries at the supermarket and picked up some takeout soup or pizza slices there for lunch. (May 4th & 25th.) 
• Walked and shopped at the local mall with dh. (May 5th)  
• Dropped off some dead batteries in the recycle bin at Canadian Tire, and had a browse at the bookstore. (May 8th) 
• Visited my dad in Manitoba (May 9th-24th). I'm hoping to write more about this trip in a separate post(s) soon, but in summary:  While there, we worked with my sister & her partner to continue to clear out the house (which has been sold -- closing date July 2nd) and move Dad over to his new apartment and get him settled in there (same town). Sorted through decades and decades of STUFF, not only mine and my parents' but my grandparents', great-grandparents and even a few things from my great-great grandmother, dating back to the late 1800s/early 1900s!  Yikes!  
• We also took my dad to a hospital in a (larger) nearby town for a CT scan (mostly positive results), and also drove with him (through a dust storm!!) about an hour away to do some banking in the town where we'd lived, 1976-80, and where my sister and I graduated from high school. I hadn't been back there in DECADES, and it was quite a blast from the past to drive past our old house, the schools I attended and other familiar landmarks...!  Lots of changes, but also a lot that was recognizable!  
• Picked up prescriptions at the drugstore (May 26th). 
• Indulged in a manicure/pedicure, and then went to the supermarket to pick up some supplies for the weekend (May 28th).
• Headed up to dh's cousin's cottage for the weekend (May 29th-31st), where we've spent a weekend each September/October for the past several years with the cousin, his wife, BIL & SIL.  
• This time, however, the party included ALL of the cousins from that side of the family (those living in Canada, anyway) and their partners (!! -- total:  16 people!). (Dh & I were the oldest people there -- he's 69, the youngest cousin there was 45! We were also the only couple there without children.)  
• I was hoping that since all of these cousins' offspring are now teenagers or young adults, the kid conversation would be minimal. Unfortunately, no such luck. :p  Would you believe one night all the women started recounting (parts of) their kids' birth stories??  (Even though their kids were born something like 15 to 42 years ago??).  And debating whether or not you'd want your mother-in-law to attend the birth (another strikeout topic for me -- even if I'd succeeded in having a child, my MIL died before I ever met her).  I quietly left the table, went to my room and busied myself with straightening up our clothes, etc., until I could hear the conversation take a different turn.  
• These cousins tend to be a rather, ummm, boisterous lot. I was already pretty exhausted from the emotional and physical demands of being at my dad's for two weeks... needless to say, this weekend wasn't entirely restful either...!  
• These caveats aside, the hosts were gracious (as always -- we got there early with BIL & SIL and had a nice few hours with them before the others descended...!), the property is gorgeous, the food was great, and overall, we did enjoy ourselves some..!   

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Also right now:  

Reading: I finished 2 books in May (all reviewed on this blog, as well as Goodreads & StoryGraph, & tagged "2026 books").  Year to date, I've read 10 books,  reached 25% of my Goodreads Challenge goal, and am currently 6 books behind schedule to achieve it by year end.  

• "Regeneration" by Pat Barker. Slow readalong with Footnotes & Tangents (April 3rd – May 14th). (4 stars, my review.)  
• "The Ministry of Time" by Kaliane Bradley (the June book for my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club;  previously read and reviewed, here;  most recent review here;  rated 4.5-5 stars both times.) 

Current reads: 

• "The Hacienda" by Isabel Canas (the July book for my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club).  6% read to date. 
• "The Forsyte Saga" by John Galsworthy. After mulling it over (see this post!), I accepted a commenter's suggestion to do a readalong together!  Currently 40% completed. 
• "Childless: A Woman and a Girl in a Man's World" by Fabiana Formica.  This one is beautifully written, but slow going, and I was reading it (or trying to...!) at Mom & Dad's last summer, where there were a lot of distractions. I've put it aside for the moment to focus on other reading priorities, but I've completed 33% to date.
• "L.M. Montgomery and Gender," an essay collection edited by E. Holly Pike & Laura Robinson. Slowly working my way through, in between the other books...! 

Coming up: Most of my book groups have their next reads plotted out for a few months in advance -- and listing them here helps me keep track of what I should be reading next. ;)  

• For my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club:  
• "In Memoriam" by Alice Winn (August).  (I previously read and reviewed this one, here;  4-5-5 stars.)  
• "Young Woman and the Sea" by Glenn Stout (September)
• "The Wedding People" by Alison Espach (October). (I previously read and reviewed this one, here;  rated 4-4.5 stars.)
• "The Women" by Kristin Hannah (November)
• For my D.E. Stevenson group: Next books to be determined;  taking a bit of a break in the meantime... 

• Footnotes & Tangents slow readalongs for 2026 include:
• "The Inheritors" by William Golding (June)
• "Treacle Walker" by Alan Garner (July)
• "The Children’s Book" by A.S. Byatt (September–December)

(Not sure I will take part in "The Inheritors" or "Treacle Walker,"  but "The Children's Book" sounds interesting!)  

A few recently purchased titles (all in digital format, mostly discounted ($5-10 or less) or purchased with points): 

• "Buckeye" by Patrick Ryan
• "Motherland" by Julia Ioffe
• "The Book of Sheen" by Charlie Sheen 
• "Strangers" by Belle Burden 
• "My Name is Barbra" by Barbra Streisand 
• "Liberty Street" by Heather Marshall 
• "One of Us" by Elizabeth Day 
• "UFO" by Garrett M. Graff 
• "The Patriarch" by David Nasaw 
• "Family of Spies" by Christine Kuehn 

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** 

Watching: 

• "Finding Your Roots" (season 12, plus plenty of reruns) on PBS, Tuesday nights.
• "The Count of Monte Cristo" (on PBS, 8 episodes with the finale on May 10th).  Lost treasure, lost love and ridiculously complex revenge plots! with a huge cast of characters and subplots to keep straight (not sure I succeeded??).  But also jaw-dropping sets/locations and gorgeous costumes. I enjoyed it!  With Sam Claflin as Edmond/The Count, and Jeremy Irons as the old Abbe who tells him about the treasure.    
• My dad normally watches PVR-d episodes of his (& Mom's) soap opera ("The Young and the Restless") late at night, but we did see most of the penultimate episode of  "The Late Show with Stephen Colbert," including Bruce Springsteen's appearance at the end. while we were in Manitoba. (Missed Paul McCartney the following night, but did manage to see the highlights the next day.)  

Playing:  

• Heardle Decades: (as of May 31st): I mostly abandoned Heardle while I was at my dad's, but here are the latest stats, for what it's worth....!  
• Heardle 60s: 74.1% (927/1251, 376 on first guess), unchanged since April 30th. Max streak: 21. 
• Heardle 70s: 74.7% (746/998, 417 on first guess), down 0.2% from April 30th. Max streak: 18. 
• Heardle 80s:  41.4% (352/850, 134 on first guess), down 0.1% from April 30th. Max. streak: 5.
• Heardle 90s: 33.1% (315/952, 81 on first guess), down 0.2% from March 31st. Max. streak: 9. 
• NYT Connections: 
• As of April 30th, I'd played 624 games and won 89% of them (unchanged from Dec. 31st), including 337 "perfect puzzles" with zero errors, and 18 where I got the most difficult/purple category first (unchanged from Dec. 31st). Maximum winning streak: 45 (unchanged since June 30th, 2025). Current streak: 11. 
• By May 31st, I had completed 654 games, won 89% of them (unchanged since Dec. 31st), including 352 "perfect puzzles" with zero errors, and 20 where I got the most difficult/purple category first (an increase of 2 since Dec. 31st). Maximum winning streak:  45 (unchanged since June 30th, 2025).  Current streak:4.  

Listening (not watching!):  To "Judge Judy" and the Game Show Network TV shows -- both favourites of my dad (and they were inescapable!  Arrrrggghhhhh....!).  

Following:  . 

Eating/Drinking:  

• Over the past 18 months, we've been trying to eat healthier and lower our cholesterol -- and avoid having to take (more) medication -- since some less-than-stellar bloodwork results for both of us in fall 2024 and then again (for me) last November (2025, as mentioned in November's Right Now post). 
• I ended May 1.2 pounds less than when the month started.  Overall, I'm down 16 pounds since late October 2024 -- close to my lowest weight in more than a decade -- and 28 pounds from my heaviest-ever weight  (in August 2021). 
• (Dh is down almost 18 pounds overall since fall 2024.)
• This was not the greatest month diet-wise, to put it mildly. While at my dad's, we at a lot of takeout (hamburgers, chicken, pizza). Meals at the cottage included lasagnas, chicken skewers, grilled steaks with potato salad & corn on the cob, and homemade pizza ("white" pizza for me).  While home, we indulged in takeout pizza slices or soup from the supermarket, once or twice a week, for lunch and/or dinner. 

Wearing: The weather continued to have its ups & downs -- so there were days in May when I was wearing long yoga pants/jeans, socks and sweatshirts, and others when I (finally!) put on my capris and sandals.  (The overnight low reached just 2C while we were in Manitoba, and at the cottage it was 8C, although it got up to 22C during the day.)  

Buying (besides books, lol):  Not much this month. 

Hoping: That Dad likes his new apartment and settles in well. 

Prioritizing:  Helping out Dad & my sister, when & how I can, here and there. . 

Planning:  Our next trip to Manitoba, around Dad's 87th birthday in July. (Up for debate:  whether we'll stay one week or two?) 

Trying:  To clear a few things off the to-do list here before heading west again, including having a closer look at the things I brought back with me and finding homes for them all.  

Appreciating: My sister (and her partner). Thankful that they've been there every weekend (but one) since January to support our dad and help him navigate through this tough transition -- and my sister just started a new job too!! (at age 63!!) (If I think I'm tired, I know that goes double or more for her...!) 

Noticing: All the leaves have popped out during the two weeks we were away. My eyes have also been stickier in the mornings these past few weeks (presumably a reaction to the increased pollen in the air). I've been taking daily Claritin as a precaution...! 

Anticipating:  Spending some time with Little Great-Nephew #2 soon:  his mom's maternity leave has ended and she returns to work on June 1st.  SIL will be looking after him, as she did with LGN #1 (who will be joining is brother this summer, after school lets out later in June).  

Wondering:  What we should do for our wedding anniversary in July? 

Wanting:  Some quiet downtime...!  (before we have to head back to Manitoba again...!).  

Loving:  Being able to have the balcony door open again during the day. (At least until the heat & humidity kick in...!)  

                        

Feeling: Extremely tired.  :p  

Pre-Voldemort Day thoughts, and some odds & ends

You will understand that, as a childless-not-by-choice woman (via stillbirth & infertility), That-Day-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named, coming up this weekend (which I've dubbed "Voldemort Day") is not exactly my favourite on the calendar. (Check out the tag "Voldemort Day (Mother's Day)" for past posts on the subject.)  And as someone who hasn't lived within 1000 miles of her parents in 40 years, whose mother-in-law died before I ever met her, I haven't had to worry too much about family considerations on this day either.  I'd send a card, give Mom a call, maybe chip in on a gift that my (childfree by choice) sister would buy and deliver, and do whatever I wanted for the rest of the day.  

This year, I'll be spending Mother's Day AT my parents' house, for the first time in about 35 years. (I had a business trip in the early 1990s that brought me to Winnipeg just before Mother's Day, as well as my grandmother's birthday. I arranged to spend the weekend with them. I am so glad I did.)   

Except (major plot twist) Mom won't be there -- she died in January. I am now motherless, as well as childless. I was lucky enough to have my mother for almost 65 years;  my daughter never took a breath outside my body, but I miss them both, and especially on days like this one.  

My dad and sister have not mentioned MDay at all. (Yet?)  

I am not going to remind them. 

And now for some links:  

• We were at the mall one morning earlier this week.  It's not uncommon to see young moms there, out with their babies in strollers -- sometimes by themselves, sometimes in pairs. I thought I'd seen everything the day I saw four moms with four strollers. 
• Reader -- I had not. On this particular day, I encountered a group of moms with babies in strollers coming my way. TWELVE of them!!!  (I counted.)  12!!! Walking in a group, two or three abreast.  
• (A while later, I saw another group of five!  Not sure if they had broken off from the earlier group I saw, or if this was an entirely different group??)
• All I could think was that it was a good thing that I'm in a relatively good place these days. I mostly just shook my head in disbelief, texted dh (who also saw them, and thought it was hilarious) and... carried on.  Also that if this had been 20-25 years ago, it would have finished me off, sent me home immediately, and kept me away from the mall for weeks.(Progress?) 
• (I also wondered whether this en masse outing had anything to do with the fact that it was just a few days before Voldemort Day/MDay??)  
• Y.L. Wolfe absolutely nails it with her latest Substack piece at On the Outside: "Why This Childless Woman Chooses to Celebrate Mother's Day...Alone."  (Content warning:  Photo of mother & baby at the top of the page.)  A couple of excerpts:  

Don’t misunderstand - I absolutely believe mothers deserve a day of celebration and pampering. They deserve more than a day, in fact.

But that doesn’t mean it has to come at the expense of other women or exist in a space that ignores any other woman’s life circumstances...

I believe women like me need the same thing that mothers ask for: space to take up, validation, and support. In the absence of getting that from a culture indifferent and sometimes hostile to women without children, then we must give it to ourselves.

• This article also absolutely nails the childless-not-by-choice experience and why it can be so painful.  The lengthy title says it all:  "The hardest part of being childless by circumstance, not choice, often may not be the grief people expect — it may be the invisibility of living a life other people have no template for."  Excerpt:  

When women in this position describe the hardest part, they rarely lead with the absence of children. The absence is familiar by the time they’re forty-five. They’ve been around it. They have, on most days, made some sort of working peace with it.

What they describe instead is something more like a slow, ambient erasure. The conversations at dinner parties drift to school catchments and they’re not in them. Their friends speak in shorthand about a life stage they don’t share. Their own parents go quiet about future grandchildren. They are, increasingly, in rooms that aren’t built for them, and the architecture of those rooms gets repeated until it begins to feel like the architecture of the world.

• Virginia Evans, author of "The Correspondent" (which is high on my "want to read" list), is a mother, but she wrote an article for People that I can heartily agree with:  "Mothering Takes a Village. This Mother's Day, Let's Celebrate the Other Mother Figures."  (h/t to Kathleen Guthrie Woods for flagging this one on social media!). (And content warning:  there's a photo at the top of Virginia with her children.)  
• I got tears in my eyes reading this interview in the New York Times with Tracy Clark-Flory:  "My Mom Had a Secret Daughter. I Finally Found Her."  I've put her book on my wish list. (Gift link.) 
• At Afterglow, Katie Dunn welcomes a guest post from fellow Substacker Lexi Weber: "The unexpected intimacy of infertility."   
• Lexi writes at "Not (What I Was) Expecting." I've added her to my blogrolls here and on Feedly. Recent (also excellent) post: “You never know what could happen.” (and why that's not something you should say to someone going through infertility or facing permanent childlessness).  

Odds & ends

• Personal note:  10 years ago today (!), we took possession of the condo where we're now living, and moved out of our home of 26 years, on the other side of the city. (We spent the night at BIL's and moved our stuff in here the next day.) 
• "Boy, that went by fast," commented dh, when I reminded him. No kidding. 
• At the same time, what a lot has happened in those 10 years!:  our nephews' weddings, the arrival of three great-niblings (and a dog!),  the deaths of both FIL & my mom, as well as several other people we've loved, BIL's transplant surgery... 
• I've hashed out the pros & cons of condo living and of moving here several times before on this blog, so I won't go into those topics all over again here. Suffice to say, I'm still not wild about the community itself, but overall, we do love the condo and being closer to family.  :) 
• Mom stuff:  
• I had my first dream about Mom since she died, last week. I don't remember much about it, but she was there. I like it when the people I've loved and lost show up in my dreams. It's like a little visit from them. 
• Dh was looking for a newscast the other night, and landed on ABC World News Tonight with David Muir. Which got me teary, because my parents always ate supper late -- partly because Mom insisted on watching "her" news (on ABC -- the network broadcast, followed by the "local" news, from Fargo, ND -- although she almost always fell asleep before the end...!). She really liked David Muir and how he delivered the news as well.  It's the little, unexpected moments like that that catch me off guard and set me off (very similar to after we lost Katie).  
• Vision update:  We went into the city today for follow-up visits with our optometrist, following my opthamologist appointment earlier this month. The opthamologist determined that surgery was not necessary at this point, but there's still a small patch of developing nodules on my left cornea (as well as the small beginnings of a cataract).  Even so, my vision has not changed significantly since I last changed my glasses almost 12 (!) years ago (although both my regular and computer glasses have some scratches on them. The optometrist didn't think the scratches were that bad, though?). 
• The optometrist gave me an updated prescription for my glasses, but suggested it might be worth waiting a while longer to get new ones. We have a number of large expenses right now -- current, upcoming and anticipated:  we just paid our taxes (ouch), paid for flights to visit Dad soon (and will be going there again this summer and at Christmas), possible purchases for his new apartment to fund, as well as subsidizing his rent until he sells the house -- and we still need to purchase a cremation niche or plot at the cemetery for both him and Mom, and inter her ashes at some point -- etc. etc.... So I've decided to hold off on new glasses for a while longer.  (Dh's glasses are about the same age as mine! and he'd like new ones too, but agreed we should both wait.)  We'll be back for checkups again in six months, so we'll see what the situation is then... 

And now a few links to share: 

• Non-ALI/CNBC-related, but I thought it was worth sharing:  Canadian Returnee explains Bill C-18, Meta's response (why I'm unable to see or post news links on Facebook or Instagram), and "What Facebook's News Ban Taught Canadians."   
• I see posts on social media -- from both Americans and Canadians! -- claiming that the Canadian government is "censoring" news.  Not true!  News (actual news, from actual journalists) is readily available, online and elsewhere -- you just can't find it or share it on Facebook or Instagram. And that's because of a decision made by Meta, not the Canadian government. (The article explains more.) 
• (For some reason, Meta's ban doesn't apply on Threads??  But shhhhh, don't remind them of that...!  lol)    
• Great news:  One of the "OG" voices in the CNBC blogging world is back! Welcome back PJ at Making Sense of It All. 
• I love, love, loved this blast from the past via Tracey Cleantis Dwyer (another longtime blogger who recently launched a Substack): "The Hardy Boys and the Mysterious Case of the Magical Meeting." (Featuring Parker Stevenson, Shaun Cassidy, and an older/childless woman role model who changed Tracey's life.)  
• Speaking of Shaun Cassidy, Alan Osmond, oldest of the performing Osmond Brothers, died earlier this week at age 76, after living with MS for 40 (!) years.  Another brother, Wayne, died in early 2025 at age 73.  You know you're getting older when your teen idols start dying...  :(  
• Katie Dunn at Afterglow writes about whether children give your life "purpose" -- something that many childless women struggle with, when parenthood doesn't work out for them ("what's my purpose now?"). Part of the post is paywalled, but what's free to read is worth a look!  
• Another brilliant post from Ali Hall at Life Without Children:  "When Women Supporting Women Defaults to Mothers Supporting Mothers." (Subhead: "Compassion is never found in comparison.")  
• I vividly remember the story about the doctor whose daughter asked her that painful question -- and her response (or lack thereof) -- and posted about it at the time (during the height of the pandemic). 
• Ali is offering half-price annual paid subscriptions during the month of May. 
• Also from Life Without Children, childfree Rosie Diell ponders "What fence sitters can learn from the childless community." 
• Lana Manikowski at "Infertile and Childless. So Now What?" looks at "What Happens to Your Marriage When IVF Doesn’t Work?" A couple of excerpts: 

...for many couples, IVF doesn’t work.

And when fertility treatments end without a baby, you are left with more than grief. You are left with questions about your marriage that no one prepared you for.

I remember thinking very clearly, is this going to be enough?

 

...a marriage without children is not a lesser version of life. It is a different version of life. It can still be connected, meaningful, and something you feel proud of.

Not because you convinced yourself to be okay with it, but because you built something real together after infertility.

• Poorna Bell dismantles "the myth of grandmotherhood" (and why it's important for everyone, whether or not you have grandchildren).  Most of the post is about grandmothers, but near the end, there's this: 

What about the women who aren’t grandmothers? Where is their place in society? Most of these women will have experienced a sense of isolation and an erosion of community the first time round, when it came to not having children. Having spoken to a number of women including Jody Day about this, it appears there is a second wind in one’s 60s, around grandmotherhood that raises the same issues.

(Bell muses that this particular issue "may merit a spin-off Substack" -- I would love to read that!)  

Odds & ends

A couple of personal notes: 

• I got a little choked up watching the launch of the Artemis II from Cape Canaveral in Florida yesterday, more than 50 years after the last Apollo lunar mission in December 1972. (There have been space shuttle trips in the interim, of course, but somehow without quite the same cachet.)
• I was 11 (almost 12 years old) and, I will admit, pretty blase by that time about trips to the moon. The early ones *were* exciting, and the first moon walk in July 1969 (when I was 8 -- witnessed on a black-and-white TV set, while at my grandmother's in Minnesota, on my dad's 30th birthday) -- but after a while, the novelty wore off -- and (likewise with the Watergate hearings, around the same time) the wall-to-wall coverage pre-empted my Saturday morning cartoons and other favourite TV programs. (Priorities, people...!)  But if I'd known I'd be a senior citizen before we headed back to the moon again, I might have paid a little more attention...!  
• I've seen a lot of people on social media commenting on how all they could think about was the doomed launch of the space shuttle Challenger, 40 years ago. I'll admit that crossed my mind as I watched too. (I was recently married, unemployed and ironing laundry in our midtown Toronto apartment when that happened.) Very glad that history did not repeat itself in this case. 
• Artemis is also notable for Canadians because there's a Canadian astronaut aboard, Jeremy Hansen. Other Canadians have been in space before, but he'll be going farther than any of them have. Godspeed.   
• Dh & I drove into the heart of the city today for my long-awaited appointment with the opthomologist who did a keratectomy (surgery) on my right eye four (!) summers ago.  As mentioned in this post from November, my optometrist thought she saw something similar happening with my left eye, and sent me to have it checked out. I had all my crossables crossed that I wouldn't need more surgery -- but was pretty much resigned that I'd need to have it done .  
• So I was thrilled when the doctor told me yes, there was a small, shallow area on the left cornea that should be monitored (also the beginnings of a small cataract) -- but she didn't think surgery was necessary, not right now, anyway.  What a relief!  (And this on top of my improved cholesterol readings a few weeks ago! -- maybe I should buy a lottery ticket??)  
• I hadn't thought much about it when I made the appointment, but today is the day before Good Friday (i.e., the kickoff to the Easter long weekend).  Moreover, it's the first day of Passover too -- and the route we took to the hospital where the eye clinic is located runs straight down a long street (about 20 km or 12 miles) through the heart of Toronto's Jewish community. (We counted almost 10 synagogues and temples, and a good half-dozen Jewish schools and community centres along the way.)   Given this confluence of holidays, plus rainy weather, I expected traffic would be heavy -- and it was! (especially heading out of the city in the late afternoon).  
• En route home, we passed by several police cars and vans-- and realized they were probably patrolling the area in case of trouble. :(  I'm glad they were being vigilant, but what a sad commentary on the times we currently live in... 

And now a few recent notable links to share:  

• Elizabeth Day at Daylight ponders "When Did Reading Become A Competitive Sport?"  (Many of her posts are paywalled;  this one isn't!)  
• Ali Hall at Life Without Children on "How Pronatalism Is the Oldest Ism of Our Time" is WELL worth a read!  
• And speaking of pronatalism, Ali Hall also noted this extreme example of pronatalism running amok:  "Russia Is Sending Women, Who Don’t Want Kids, To Have Their Heads Checked." (!) 
• Another wonderful interview with a childless/free woman from Anne Helen Petersen for her "Big No-Kids Energy" series in her Culture Study Patreon newsletter: "Christy, Who Cares For Herself." 

Happy reading! and happy long weekend!